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i would like to wait until i am mentally well to get into a relationship, though i fear i will die alone

[prettyfuckingoverit]

Hello world and the year

01/16/2022

hello. i recognize its 16 days after the new year however today marks the day of the start of my resolution. here is my vague resolution (if you were wondering): become my dream girl. this is the year i will become who i always wanted to be. its hard to accomplish this for me as i truly have no idea who i want to be. when i say “who i want to be”, it’s more about finding myself... i think. ive spent most of my conscious life (more teenager years) adapting myself to the time’s trends and the people around me. im not even sure what my personality is to be much honest. its different with everyone, but i think my real personality is all of them. ive never felt fake in these adapted personalities. so, perhaps, this will be the year i find the mix of those personalities to become myself! another sub-resolution that somewhat falls under “dream girl” is taking care of myself, taking care of my body. body goes hand-in-hand with mental health, i didnt make the connection until recently, silly me. so! here are things i will be doing to fit that sub-resolution (some are superficial, i know, but this is me!!!!! for me!!!!)

get curly haircut

do yoga again in morning and/or night

meditate again 

do deep breaths

laser armpits and knuckles ...

this was out of no where but ... 

gets nails done for no reason, not just for occasions

learn to sugar wax 

buy more quality clothes

go back to gym. get ur old body back

okay, now that i finished the sub-resolution list, i probably have a list for dream girl-esque. honestly... im not sure what my vague resolution means. i can envision it in my head but not put into words. i can describe my envision though. dont call me stupid, ive lived a full life in insecurity, these are my fantasies. okay, so this is my envision of me being my “dream girl’ at the moment: me, in my light blue & orange cap, worn backwards. my hair done in beautiful curls. im turning my head fast, but in slow motion, with my hair raising up and being cool. and im smiling really big. like huge. and its a nice, genuine smile. and i have that warm twinkle in my eye. the happy twinkle. the twinkle that shows how full of love i am (i am). the smile and twinkle that could make anyone fall in love with me. the smile and twinkle that make people slightly widen their eyes and think “wow”.... thats my envision. i apologize if its dumb, or stupid, or corny, or self-absorbed even. might be corny... and narcissistic. that sucks. but that’s what i want. sorry. this has been a very long post. sorry again. shall i do another list of random resolutions and goals now? i shall.

reply to texts faster

make more friends that are like me

hang out with more friends

go out more

be confident even when not

drive on highways!

read more

post consistently of these ...

find romantic connections

hookup w a girl. im the worst bi girl ever

have more fun

im done i think. i’ll probably add more later. no one will notice. i can edit these after i post them right? i think so. we’ll see. anyway, it’s 2:56am now, i will go to sleep. goodnight world, be good to me this year.

- gg 02:56

[prettyfuckingoverit]

sick !!!!!!

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he's so pretty it makes me sick

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i like

i like weird things

i like things that are slightly different and give me a kick

i like singers whose voices are either too low or high, really fast or really slow

i like songs with weird instruments or no instruments at all, maybe just some sounds mixed together

i like foods that are normal but have a little sourness or a sudden spiciness

maybe normal rice but with sriracha 

or some salmon with loads of lemon juice

i like things that are normal but slightly different. i like the unknown. i like to be surprised. 

everyday is the same and mundane 

i find the unpredictable and taste of different in other things for i cant experience it yet

i like weird things

i

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what’s her secret

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i

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