pringymac

[pringymac]

[pringymac]

omg it’s so good to live and love them

omg we’re gonna lost them 😭😭

#severance #innie #outie

"See you at the Equator."

SEVERANCE (2022– ) S02E10: Cold Harbor

[pringymac]

SEVERANCE 2x10 "Cold Harbor"

[pringymac]

damn i’m h0rn

[pringymac]

#womenssafety #joint # safe #💨

[pringymac]

unfortunately actually being productive and having a routine and leaving my house to be a person in the world and eating real meals consistently does improve my mental health which means i have to keep doing it except i have mental illness that makes me not do it so you see my dilemma

[pringymac]

can’t wait to move to my new house with my girl and our 3 cats change my hair and give a least a hundred soft blocks and pretend I never knew those fucking people

#🍵

[pringymac]

going this long without therapy wasn’t gonna end well, I was sure of it.

But, as usual, I manage to neglect myself better than anyone else.

I feel emotionally and spiritually SO exhausted that it’s actually making me physically sick. I was fine, just living my Tuesday, and then suddenly my whole body gave up. Like, every muscle in me feels drained, I have no strength, no energy, not even the will to speak.

My mind does all the talking for me, as always. It never fucking shuts up.

I’ve been carrying so much anger, absorbing so much for so long, and I haven’t let any of it out—at least, not to the people I should. My head is filled with rageful thoughts, I want to hit something, I want to scream at someone with every bit of air in my lungs.

I have no patience for kids. I have no patience for dumb people. I have no patience for stupid questions. I don’t even have patience for myself, for fuck’s sake—so how the hell am I supposed to have patience for all this? My God.

There’s SO much happening—basic early 20s shit—but what’s really killing me is that I hate understanding my parents now. I hate feeling the weight of their worries on my own skin, I hate stressing over money, I hate dealing with how fucking complicated relationships are. It should be easier, but there’s no clear “good” or “bad” when it comes to people. Every little action can be either, and that makes people so goddamn complicated.

I miss my friends. I’m watering the wrong things when it comes to friendships, letting the real ones drift away. Everything about friendship in my life right now feels wrong.

Stay away from fake people, even if it means being alone. Stay the fuck away from people who suck the life out of you, who collect information about you just to use it later. I fucking hate you.

But I love my goddamn dog. And for him, I’d give my fucking life.

Fuck everyone else.

[pringymac]

jesus i’m so emotionally exhausted

[pringymac]

feeling sum shane rage rn

★ SHANE WALSH IN EVERY EPISODE ★ THE WALKING DEAD | 1.01 Days Gone Bye

[pringymac]

1:41am January 12

3 days without smoking.

Right now, I’m so fucking angry—this internal rage, like I wanna punch myself, wreck my own face. I’m grinding my teeth so hard I can feel the pressure. I’m so hurt, just thinking about it makes me wanna cry. This feeling is destroying me, this helplessness, this sense that I can’t do something I want to do. Something that’s no one else’s business, something I want so bad, and I just can’t.

My girlfriend is right—I turn into a horrible person when I’m in withdrawal. But it’s who I become. I’m so stressed, completely drained, my mind is stuck on that one thing, ignoring every reason not to do it. My body feels exhausted, like I have zero serotonin left. I don’t even feel like talking or moving unless I can smoke first. I don’t know how else to describe how I’m feeling.

The damn keyboard wrote the wrong word, and I felt this absurd rage—the tears were already there, ready to spill. The tiniest thing is enough to set me off. I want to explode. I want to smoke. I need to smoke, fuck! This is hell, man. Don’t mess with me.

[pringymac]

sitting on the edge of my bed sad as hell and then being like “oh i haven’t listened to music in several days” and then it saves me every time yayyyy music i love you music

[pringymac]

3:34pm - January 9

Babe, this is the last time you’ll cry over this. I’m not making a promise, because I’ve already made so many, countless times. But I’ll go to hell and back with myself to make sure I don’t make you feel this way again.

Weed addiction isn’t easy—it’s like any other addiction. You know you’re destroying yourself, you know you’re hurting the person you love, the relationships you care about, and still, nothing stops you from being an addict.

But that’s it. I’m at my limit. I’m being cruel to the woman of my life, and I need to want this, I need to fight for this, I need to push back against it, even though I know it’s going to be hard and the easier way out is SO much easier… in the short term.

In the long run, I choose her. I choose you, babe. I just need to hope there’s still time for me to make this right.

I love you, my little peanut

[pringymac]

3:54am - january 5th

I feel so stupid writing this. I feel so ignorant for not paying attention to myself when I could, when I had the chance to afford a therapist and actually improve my situation, and I didn’t. Now here I am, like an idiot, trying to pour everything out just to stop it from hurting so much.

I don’t even know what hurts the most—it’s definitely a combo.

I feel for myself, I feel for my mom, I feel for my girl, I feel for my aunt… I just feel.

It’s no surprise to anyone that I’m so mentally messed up—not even to me—but the fact that it’s been 10 years, and I’m still neglecting myself? I’m still fighting against my own treatment, still delaying it, still preemptively making my mental health worse? I’m making myself worse. I’m being a terrible person to myself. And honestly, that says a lot. If I can’t even be good to me, do you really think I’m being a good girlfriend? A good daughter? A good person?

My girlfriend “isn’t talking to me,” and she has every reason not to. I know I’m hurting her, and I keep doing it. I promise and break the promise.

It’s horrible knowing I’m being so bad to someone who is so extraordinary to me. She’s beautiful, she’s funny, she’s charismatic, she has this huge smile, this amazing body. She’s loyal, trustworthy, responsible, affectionate, helpful, incredibly smart… and me? I… yeah. It’s rough.

I can barely breathe from the anxiety, from the frustration of waiting for everyone to go to bed so I can smoke, so I can have my little momentary escape that’s ruining my relationship, ruining my life. I can’t wait.

Right now, I hate my dad. I started crying again while writing this, but I can’t avoid it anymore. I hate him right now. I hate his presence, I hate the things he says, I hate looking at him, I hate the way he expresses himself and always thinks he’s right. I hate the person he is to me today. I hate that he never acknowledges his mistakes and that the words that come out of his mouth are just words. I hate that he’s terrified of losing me, but he also can’t wait for me to leave. I hate that we have nothing in common, and I hate knowing how much we’re alike. I just want to get away from him. I don’t think I can stand seeing or hearing his dissatisfaction with me simply existing anymore. I’m exhausted.

I’m mentally drained. I break into pieces every time I remember that on Monday, my break is over, and I’m back to work, and my next time off will probably only be next Christmas. My job is a blessing; I asked God for something, and He gave me exactly what I asked for. I’m not complaining—I’m just saying that I feel drained from work, from debts, from fear, from worry, and mostly from anger.

I need to get back up. I need therapy, I need to exercise more, eat better. I urgently need to feel better. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. It hurts.

[pringymac]

he’s so handsome