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I’ve become convinced that all Hallmark movies are created madlibs style using the following formula.

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I wish I knew the exact time and date that harry told snape ‘there’s no need to call me sir professor’ so that I could take a moment of silence to remember the moment each year

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You know what’s wild? Remembering that children hear things for the first time without context and are literally like, “What?”

I just said “See you later, alligator” to a four-year-old and I think it was the first time they had ever heard that.  They froze in their tracks, looked at me completely bewildered then replied, “See you later, chicken” and kept walking.

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If Dr. Seuss Books Were Titled According to Their Subtexts

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In the modern idiom:

“So Bob said […]” indicates that I am directly quoting Bob.

“Then Bob was like […]” indicates that I am paraphrasing Bob.

“And Bob was all […]” indicates that I am paraphrasing Bob, and additionally I am being a dick about it.

I don’t know about you, but I think it’s fantastic that we have a specific grammatical convention for that.

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I think next thursday is gonna be the best day of my entire life tbh

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when you tryna chill but your siblings love annoyin you

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My ed when I have a normal dinner

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Someone didn’t get the memo.

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science side of tumblr:  pufferfish caught in a swirling vortex of bubbles caused by warm and cold water currents colliding

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Angry face 😡

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Something amazing will happen to you in May 2019.

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US things that I only know from the internet/tv and that i won’t believe until i’ve seen them with my own two eyes: 

girl scouts selling cookies

garbage disposals

regular school assemblies 

PSAs

coupons

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when a baby is crying in the background and you use slow it down on snapchat