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soooooo WHAT if they murdered a few people. they were hot doing it.

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Therapy by ungfio on Instagram

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Nottt my nimble ass jumping over the candlestick

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I’ll reblog anything

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"I am hope"

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i’m crossing the street and i get hit by a tesla on self-drive. off goes the yuppie, hit-and-run. lady saw it happen and she’s trying to keep it together, getting someone to call paramedics and keeping me talking, but the writing’s on the wall folks, i’m fucked. so i say to the lady, i say “listen. the optimal vessel for enjoying hot soup is a mug, not a bowl.” she’s looking at me like i’m insane but i explain, i say “a bowl, especially a flat one, has more surface area for the soup to cool off. your soup gets cold too fast in a bowl, especially a flat one. you want a mug. soup stays hot the whole time and you can actually enjoy it how it was meant to be enjoyed.” she’s nodding, tears in her eyes, she knows it’s coming now. but there’s something else comin she don’t know. we both get hit by the second tesla

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Took a bunch of candles from my church’s Christmas service because I am CRIMINAL

MERRY CHRISTMAS SUCKAS LIGHT IT UP

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Pretty fucked up that queer people’s emotional development is usually like

0-12: childhood

12-22: t̷̬̳̫̜̬͙̯̝̤͌̇h̷̗̾̃̂̓̿̚̕̚ͅͅë̴̡̙̟͚͖͖̟́ ̶͙̲̱͍̝̔̔̾̾́d̴̛̫͚̳̫̈́̐̒̀̏̑̀͝ä̶̯͔͓͇̮̱̠͉́̓̋̌̈́̔̏ͅr̶̹̳̣̭̞̳̱͔͌ͅk̷̲̜͙̝̲̿̐̓ņ̷̢͔̺̤͕͕͓͋̐͆̈́̇́̆͜͠e̵͇͗̍͂̚ṣ̶̟̼̩́̍̉s̴̥̐̅ ̶̢̜͉͚͍̉̓͑̒̑͝o̵̧̠̙̐͗́̋͊̿̈́͛̉f̸̫͊̐̀̈́̕͝ͅ ̸̭̺͓̘̪́͝t̷̛̺͆̈́͘h̸͚̺̣͍̃̇̈́͑͋è̷̙͙͍͇͈͉͎̔̂̚ ̵͍̥̈́̆̆̐v̶͖̈̐̓͋̍̈́͘o̴̳͖͊͛̋i̸̙̾͂͆̈̓d̵̢̩͓̻͎̲͓̓͜

22-30: adolescence

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“Oh, the places you’d go! If you weren’t oppressed by wage labor & class society”

Poster seen in Melbourne

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WANDAVISION Episode 7 | Breaking the Fourth Wall

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me and the only other person still wearing a mask in the store

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if i don’t text back it’s because i forgot that i existed

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LES MISÉRABLES (2012) dir. Tom Hooper

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

“I don’t serve half-beers” the bartender replies

“Excuse me?” Asks mathematician #2

“What kind of bar serves half-beers?” The bartender remarks. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Oh c'mon” says mathematician #1 “do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along”

“There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks. I couldn’t serve you half a beer even if I wanted to.”

“But that’s not a problem” mathematician #3 chimes in “at the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-”

“I know how limits work” interjects the bartender  "Oh, alright then. I didn’t want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics"

“Are you kidding me?” The bartender replies, “you learn limits in like, 9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?”

“HE’S ON TO US” mathematician #1 screeches

Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade.  The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. “FOOLS” it booms in unison, “I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA”

The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. “But wait” he inturrupts, thinking fast, “if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!”

The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. “My God, you’re right. We didn’t think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!” and with that, they vanish.

A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. “How did you know that that would work?”

“It’s simple really” the bartender says. “I saw that the vectors formed a gradient, and therefore must be conservative.”

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