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just a cute little fact but august 1st is also designated as the universal birthday for shelter dogs whose actual birthdays are unknown

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happy birthday to all the tbs in the southern hemisphere!

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Every single week I cycle through a different coffee shop in my town and ask the barista to make me their favorite drink in a medium. I have an entire spiel:

“All milk is fine, caffeinated and not caffinated i’m game, hot and iced both work, it can be coffee or tea or anything.”

It has yet to fail me. Every time I have tried a new drink I never would have thought to try and every one I’ve had has been amazing. The true delight I’ve seen in baristas faces pondering on what to make me and the joy they have when I like the drink always makes my day and I hope it makes theirs too. It’s the little things of kindness that can make someone’s day and I feel that it helps the world be kinder. Highly recommend doing this yourselves.

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idk if i told the full story on here but i signed up for a research study where they were testing a new opioid, and it was supposed to be up to 5 injections increasing the dose to see what people could tolerate

i got the first dose and almost immediately fainted. they had to call in a whole medical team and it was a huge fucking deal

i was kicked out of the study and got a phone call later where they were supposed to tell me what the drug was, so i could avoid it in the future. they told me it was saline water. a placebo. i fainted from the placebo effect.

anyway, it's been a few months and i just got an email from the same department asking me to be a research participant in a new study: testing the effects of open-label placebo.

open label placebo is when the subjects and the researchers all know it's a placebo. they're testing the power of my mind. my power to imagine anything.

i like to think that they chose me for this specifically based on their past experience with me. "get the guy who fainted like a little bitch boy from saline water." anyway i just submitted all my info and i'm looking forward to getting started.

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Red-headed weaverbird By: Unknown photographer From: The Grolier Illustrated Encyclopedia of Animals 1994

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there’s a difference between “just do a little yoga it will cure your depression forever :)” and “going for a run won’t solve your problems but it will make you feel a little better and that’s the first step” but this site seems to treat them as the same thing

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i was playing pokemon blue on stream earlier at 350% speed and i got to thinking

what if the reason nobody in the pokemon world has any good teams is because its considered a dick move to have a proper team comp

like culturally everyone is like “haha pick the pokemon you want! if you’re happy with three geodudes, thats you and your life!” and then you’re supposed to just have a friendly battle with any other pokemon trainers and whatever pokemon they just happen to have

like the average trainer is probably just walking around with a growlithe because that’s their pet, or a hiker has three geodudes because the geodudes help him with hiking. and if this pet owner and geodude hiker meet, you’re supposed to have a friendly battle but nothing too serious

now imagine the 10 year old kid that has six pokeballs on their belt comes up. you’re like “haha, we’ll have a friendly battle!” and you throw out your geodude 

and they throw out a fucking gyarados, and it one-shots your geodude 

and then you throw out your pidgey you have because the pidgey helps you navigate mountains because you’re a hiker

and then electricity crackles around the gyarados and a thunderbolt flies off of this giant dragon and evaporates your pidgey 

so you’re down to your last pokemon. you tell them you’re gonna send out your bulbasaur. the ten year old is like “oh okay in that case i’m gonna pull out my vulpix.” like not only is this kid walking around with an amped-up super dragon, but theyve also got multiple pokemon specifically for making type advantage counter-picks?

this kid’s a fucking asshole! really, kid? what are you trying to prove here? this is a friendly match between strangers for fun! why are you composing real-ass competitive teams? what a fucker! 

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In the D&D campaign I'm running with my wife's siblings, one of them learned about how trolls regenerate within minutes of any damage not caused by fire or acid, and then asked why people don't just like. Cage them and eat them, forever. Why there aren't troll meat dungeons in the king's castle as a safeguard against sieges or famines.

And you know, I thought it was a fair question, so I said that if you eat enough troll meat, you start getting troll-y. And then I went further and just treated it like troll flesh is a general contaminant - if you eat enough troll, you'll turn into a troll, but if you bury enough dead troll flesh in a forest, the trees will start growing in strange ways, and will scream and heal and bleed when you hit them with axes.

I liked this idea. So as we played further, I just played around with the idea of Troll Origins, and I came up with something sort of like the Odyssey, but instead stealing Helios's cattle, it was Hathor's, and the horrible, awful, unending immortality was her curse of the army that pillaged her lands. A god of healing does not condemn you to die, she condemns you to live.

And then I got this fun idea for maybe the king that led the army is still kind of alive in the troll taint. Like a sort of literal fisher king. The kingdom is sick because he is, literally, the kingdom. The trees that bleed, bleed his blood and their screams are his screams. He is both the faintly green bear running down the mountain and the faintly green deer and there is no way past this without suffering. He is the entire ecosystem, and he eats nothing but himself and he dreams nothing but death and yet still, on and on and on and on, he lives.

Anyway they're traveling next session so I'm throwing this shit at them. I already have some gross ideas for like. Describing everything like it's a body (flowers red as blood, white as bone, pink as meat, grass fine as hair) then finally throwing horrible living things at them. Trees that grow eyeballs that turn and stare at them, or flowers with teeth instead of petals and trolls that speak in long dead tongues about how they wish they'd never tried to rob a god.

Anyway I'm passing this on because this is my new troll lore and I want it to become canonized in the way that all D&D lore becomes canonized: By having eople read it and go "oh, neat" then start doing that too.

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if house md were running in 2024 there would be an episode with a patient who identifies as an ‘online content creator’ (cagily) where house agrees to take the case primarily because when he offhandedly refers to her as an onlyfans model both cameron and cuddy get really offended and say it’s a sexist assumption so he doubles down and becomes committed to finding the patient’s onlyfans and proving it. at some point it would be revealed that chase actually is an onlyfans model and started doing it as a stopgap after his dad died and he suddenly got disinherited but he makes so much money off it that now medicine is basically just a hobby. cameron and foreman both disagree with the concept online sex work but it turns out they disagree for different reasons (cameron thinks it’s exploitative and not-feminist, foreman finds it distasteful and thinks people should get ‘real jobs’) and spend most of their scenes together arguing about this while chase gets continually more shifty. they break into the patient’s house and there’s a full ringlight and camera setup which seems to confirm house’s suspicions. while trying to find the patient’s onlyfans house accidentally finds chase’s onlyfans instead and considers publicly embarrassing him about it like he did with wilson’s sex tape but soon realises that most of the staff at the hospital are already subscribed to chase’s onlyfans so makes fun of him for that instead. it then transpires that the reason why the patient is so cagey about being a content creator is that she’s an ASMR artist and all the soap she’s been shaving on camera has irritated her lungs. cuddy is about to make house give her 20 extra hours of clinic duty as recompense but at last minute it’s revealed that the website the patient uses for some of her bonus commissions is, drumroll…onlyfans, because she’s been banned from patreon. how does house know this? wilson is subscribed to her because the soap videos sometimes soothe him to sleep. something by cigarettes after sex plays. roll end credits.

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i do think a lot of implausible medieval plot devices make more sense when considering the fact that these people simply did not have glasses

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“People suck”

Okay but what about the person who brought this injured dragonfly to a wildlife rehabber

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No, actually, I don't think my indoor cat would be happier if he could free-roam. For one thing, the feather-toys inside have never died on him mid-playtime, and I feel like that might be a disappointment

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When I’m brushing Leeloo I will sometimes do something I think of as “making Tyr’s bargain.”

For those who don’t know Tyr was a Norse god who was friends with Fenrir. When the gods realized Fenrir was gonna be part of Ragnorok they were like yo Tyr help us trick Fenrir into being bound. Tyr loved Fenrir but didn’t want the world to end so he went yo Fenrir can we put this cool leash on you? And Fenrir was like bro I love you but this seems shady. If it’s really cool stick your hand in my mouth and I will straight up bite it off if I don’t like what happens. Spoiler alert, he didn’t like it.

Leeloo loves getting brushies except on her tummy and butt where she needs it most. So I’ll give her my hand to lick when I’m brushing those areas. And when I brush too hard she bites the shit out of me and I think ah yes, this is fair. Tyr’s bargain has been struck.

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Bruce Wayne’s guilt complex versus Dick Grayson’s desperate need for agency…

Bruce: I ruined your life.

Dick: Fuck you, I ruined my own life!

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what do I have to do to go to events where people are dressed nicely and there are plates of free cheese cubes