psychedelicblaze

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Bambie Thug wears Jean Louie Castillo (Download Festival)

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Saintly Doubts by Abel  Grujic

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grave reaper

see more: patreon / substar

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greetings from. oil painting on paper

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Hello can i ask u a question?

if u insist

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Love anyways

Despite knowing all the risks and pain.

Your heart will break either way. Be it death or separation. One cannot exist without the other. The universe always like to balance itself out. Love and heartbreak, life and death.

Something isn’t good because it lasts.

High risk, high reward.

When you love another, when you feel loved. This isn’t a feeling another person has given you. It came from inside of you, you created that feeling yourself.

In a previous connection, I was in a place where I had entered my spiritual journey. I was a lot more open to shifting my awareness. I was less afraid and I was open. As someone who was always closed off, afraid to get hurt. This was certainly a big risk for me.

Allowing myself to be vulnerable, opening up my heart to the fullest and loving almost unconditionally. I learnt a lot from being in that state. Mainly, that I was still capable despite everything that I went through.

The biggest lesson was that this person wasn’t the one who “gave” that feeling to me. I felt it myself, it came from my core. That was a period in my life where I grew a lot.

I want to be able to help people find that inside themselves too. Coming from someone who thought I would never be truly happy again.

This is not just romantic love.

Platonic, familial, etc. Love is love.

It takes a lot of mental work to be able to love everything and everyone. I understand that.

It takes a lot of training to change deep rooted thought patterns. Especially when the world’s issues cloud up your mind.

Love what you can, when you can.

You love your friends, you love your pets, you love that one song and you love when the trees start blooming those purple flowers.

Hate to get all hippy dippy but it is truly all about love at the end of the day.

More on this later !

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Dark night of the soul.

Facing your shadow side can be a difficult thing. Even now it pop ups in certain situations and circumstances. I still struggle to walk the fine line between seeking assurance and self soothing. The fragile balance of leaning on others for support without easily turning to them for emotional regulation. Where are the boundaries when the lines are so blurred?

Im on a sort of spiritual journey where the path goes up and down and sometimes I find myself walking in circles. The awakening is truly something but most of the learning is done afterwards, especially when you enter the dark night of the soul.

No doubt my shadow has come out before but now i have more awareness off it rather than acting unconsciously. It does feel different now because i have more awareness, knowledge and tools but i still have my days.

Recognising it is the easy part. Learning to self-regulate, let go of certain emotions and breaking the cycle is the hardest. It can be frustrating when you’re aware of your own patterns and thoughts but you still sometimes fall back into them. Yeah, I’ve definitely grown a lot. I don’t do half the things I used to when it came to self-sabotage. I’m still learning how to express my hurts without getting overly emotional but without also relying on the other person to make me feel better.

The second half of this year has been about better than the first. Many lessons in the first chunk but now a different set of them have arrived. By no means are they as intense but still important lessons.

Learning to deal with certain anxieties, thoughts and insecurities I have. Again, I do have my moments but I do feel like I am more confident in myself these days. Destroyed my own self-esteem and had to rebuild it myself.

Environment is a big one.

I still have much to learn. As difficult as the overthinking can get at times, I feel like I am improving and doesn’t feel as bad. Of course I will continue to go to therapy. Gratitude goes a long way, I am not doing so bad.

Never forget that that shadow is yours.

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The ego has a negativity bias-

“It tends to focus on what is missing rather than celebrating what you already have. When we do not understand this nature of the ego mind we are always hungry for more, never truly enjoying what we have already accomplished. Learn to appreciate where you are and through that you will snap out of the ego’s grip. Seeking more without focusing on what you already have will always leave you feeling like you have nothing. Always be grateful.”

~Pawan Nair | The Higher Self

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