psysay

[psysay]

And I Will be Waiting at the Peak

by Vince Syrhel C. Suello

When I look at a child

Laughing at a venture

It cleanses my mind

It clears my future

When I look at a child’s palm

I could see a line pointing at me

It beats my heart like a drum

Believing its message undoubtedly

When I look at a child

I could see a vacant place –

Broom, chairs, desks, and shelves on the other side

A place that every child can live

When I look at you, my children

I see myself

I see my smiles to you

Because every child is me

When I look at the clear sky

I see an empty canvass

I see crayons and artistry

Painting children playing on the green grass

When I look at you, my children

I could see myself teaching in a room

While you are with me to listen

Suddenly, you bloom

When I look at a clock

I remember the morning strokes at seven-thirty

I speak and you mock

I remember the afternoon strokes at three-thirty

When I look at a clock

I remember the days that you are still young ducks

Always following me and mock

How I wish to reverse the clock

When I look at the calendar

I remember the weekends

Asking me to go out for hangouts

But I am already shy, because I am no longer on your trends

When I look at the sky

I see groups of clouds

Why it is not empty canvass anymore? Why?

I see the clouds separating

When I look at the sky

I see an empty canvass again

I see crayons and artistry

Painting myself alone on the green grass

When I look at my palm

I see a vacant room –

Dusty shelves, chairs, and table, and displaced broom

Waiting for at least someone to come

When I was in that room

I heard footsteps from stiletto and derby shoes

I heard ladies and gentlemen speaking and talking English fluently

I see people approaching the slightly opened door

I see coat-suited, skirted, and fixed hair as they arrive

I was about to stand, approach them, greet them

But they suddenly make it for me instead

“Hello Sir!” “Hi Kuya!”, genuinely delivered

I was in tears

Joy is bouncing all over my heart

They said “Our Teacher”

They said that learning with me was the best part

When I look at the clock on the wall

I remember the morning strokes at seven-thirty

Telling the children to make the sound of a lion’s growl

I remember the afternoon sharing them a fantasy story

When I look at the clock

I remember the days of the young ducks

I speak and they mock

Now, I do not want to reverse the clock

I do not need a clock to remember the days

Because my children are already here to say

“You are the best mother duck!”

“You speak and we will mock.”

They are gone for a long time

They brought the wisdom that I planted in them

They came back to say

“You taught us to be the best climbers of the mountains.”

[psysay]

[psysay]

I hate myself!!! Super! I don't deserve your glory Lord God! I am too weak!!!

[psysay]

Life

I am afraid that everyone will lose their hopes.

Hopes that has been blurred out by unfaithfulness.

I am afraid that they will feel worthless.

Unworthy-- a fruit of so much anxiety ; thinking and doubting thousand times about their existence.

But life will never tell you how.

It is not easy. You should find out how.

You will gain pains and bruises before your desires.

You should admit that you are a seed. You are still growing.

Never reach higher than your words, work it.

Life is selfish.

Cruel.

Confusing.

It blurs success.

It hides the answers, but it never locks.

It will test your rational thinking. Well it confused you, then divide your mind into two.

It is hard. Might be easy for you because you are just digging as shallow as two feet, you are just proving that you are coward.

Life in jobs are challenging. Hundreds of no's. Three yes's. How many doors slammed you? Closed you? Sometimes you tried to say I CAN TRY AGAIN, PLEASE GIVE ME ANOT.....The motion of the door closing is too fast. So you did not able to finish your line. How much did you spent for fares? How long is your prayers for you to pass the interview? Was it enough? Life will never say YES IT IS ENOUGH.

Life inside a family found out easy because we knew that they are the ones who raised us and everything. But tell me, you have been discourage for how many times because of their refusals? Refusals for your trip with your friends? Refusals for your debut? Refusals for your desired boy or girl? You can't count on. Your dream to study to a very famous university turned out to the secondary option. How does it feel? You want that, that,that. How does it feel when you reflect yourself as a parent then you just received a pride eyes of your child or children? Life never spoils you.

Life inside a couple is a test of loyalty. Life will tempt you to dance with someone in the bar. Life will always bring you the regrets afterwards. Life will slap you. Busts you.

Life in a society is a test of character. Life will judge you down and down. Life will never set you up, though yourself can. Life will not appreciate your works always. Sometimes you need accept.

Life today is so powerful. Viruses dethroning the world already. Life is demonizing the earth. Religions took their places. Wars are everywhere, even inside you. We couldn't speak the language of sincerity in talking to God. We are cast down by our fears. We are demolished by our hopelessness. Life takes over you, takes over us.

Life within you is now the question.

Can you accept the no's?

You should because it will teach you to be great. It will teach you brighten your future. For you as a student or an employee, don't expect for yes's, be the person who is unbeatable after all no's.

Can you be a child of your Mama and Papa? It seems like you are the parent now. Learn how to be contented. How painful their words are as you thought, is how helpful are they as you never thought.

Can you live your promises for your girl or boy? Just open your eyes towards one view. Be loyal. Be ready for the challenges of relationship. It is normal and it is the gateway to forever.

Can you walk confidently? Yes you should! Because you are an image of God. You are unique. You are gifted. Just go with the flow. It will surely build layers for your toughness.

Can you surrender your life to God? Will you just trust Him? He knows everything before your naked eyes. So stay at home. Pray. Talk to God solemnly. Virus is smaller than dots. Humans are giants. We are empowered by our Savior. So don't be afraid. Stop diversing our relationships. Religions should not be the cause of war. Instead, just lift your head up and worship one God. Devils will take place if you will follow your fear. I swear, God is powerful, maybe there is another word better than powerful. But yes, darkness has no place for His mightiness.

Selfish, Confuse, and Cruel are your friends. They just exist because they would be testing you. Selfish is Patience. Confuse is Faith. And Cruel is Giver.

And Life is God.

[psysay]

[psysay]

LIVE WITH COLORS

Unforgettable night

Thank you my HOME!

[psysay]

My "Circle" of Love

Usually, life goes on, as it continues to face another scenarios. Day by day, time to time, life discover things. There is only one path on it; To go further and further. However, my life is not following to a one path, thus it just turning around on a circular motion. The events of my life never bends nor dislocates the circle, as its movement is just turning back to what was it before and then goes on and back to its origin.

Imagine a circle... No Begging, No end.

I fell in love with a man, named Ed ( remember my posts: "The Ship of Tears" & "Why Him?"). I already gained the pains and it creates bruises. I know I've drowned myself with so much tears. I know it changed my quality time to my friends and family, because of him. Here comes my friends who always listen to me. They gave their advices, they made me realize the things that I should stick on, so I realized that they were right. Here comes the time that I decided to leave the past and move on. It seems like I burn the painting pictures in my memory, but it really hurts actually to forget everything. I stand my promises that " I will never, never love again!". Here comes the moment that loneliness is a gateway of digging the old things. I've search the deepest realization of my heart and then decide to go and hold it back. When the time I tried to go back, it is also the time that he was already happy with her. Again and again, I cried and cried, decided to move on again. My friends really mad at me because " You are so martyr Sy! You are so stupid! You are smart, then where is it?". I dropped another promise. It was a long run of months, the bruises were completely healed. But, another but, it was really my who pushed me to go back.

I am just fooling myself with such false thoughts. But I accepted everything already that this is really my destiny of love, where hundreds of trials will surely bring me back to what is really meant for me. I knew it! The man that I've been looking for, is not destined for me. But I will still stand my loyalty to him.

"Loving someone is not a mistake. Fooling your heart is a choice, where your happiness lives in every single drop of tears."

Circular

#CNFBoyle

[psysay]

I don't know what makes it nice that people actually like it, but is just that, I preferred to say it's seductive and fierce, because I could see my eyes on it. Okay! Its been so figurative now. But literally, it's just a sketch of an eye, with bold lashes and eyeshadow.

#practicing #art #sketching #charcoal

An Eye

[psysay]

Why him?

Just an excerpt because its too long for me to share the whole story, but actually, he is the man that I'd cried the most, remember my last post, like to the highest level. I imprisoned my sleeping heart to him for almost 7 years and still counting. We're actually neighbour. But anyways, here we go.

People were actually suspected us that we're twins. Hmmm I don't think so! Maybe we're mutual in feelings, in twinning cases. He's actually Edrian, 17, Grade 10 student, a man of everything. He loves Math ( I hate Math). He is cute and handsome ( I'm pretty). With a circular sparkling eyes, that ughhh, everytime he stared at me, I am kinda, ughhh in my mind. He played volleyball and I am proud because who else is the most beautiful and supportive trainer, yes its me. His pinkish thin lips, gush! He speak so nice, gentle, and sometimes its so cute to hear and watch him talking. The way he move, the way he talk to me, the way he chat me, it is kinda different unlike other people who do the same thing. Admit it, I don't like his style in dressing, very "badoy/jeje" , that was before. But I taught him to dress "Like that!", "Like that!", good thing he followed and learned. He is so hardworking, like I can really see his eyes that he is sincere to that task or something, like everytime I ask him to help me, quick as lightning, he is their for me. The way he show his concern or comfort that differs in his treatment to others, I am kinda amazed because somehow, there is a man who treat you like that. I don't know how to describe him more, but I don't know, he is someone else, like he is so different from other boys. I could say, he will be my man for the rest of my life, 'til death. I love Edrian so so so much, no matter what.

" Just wait, we will be there soon." , he said.

#BravESouls

#CNFBoyle

[psysay]

The Ship of Tears

Dashing rains, roaring thunders, mad winds, even man-eating waves, it never sinks. May your ships cannot sustain the passengers, due to heaviness, thus, this ship never dethroned by the ocean, as it could carry tons of tons of tons of water, tears in saddest man's term. At its deck, there were lots of passengers who always sat at their; talking, then laughing, talking then crying. That was the unremarkable things ,that specifically on this part, it will never be forgotten.

From that deck again, obviously the most common route of the ship, it was dark and raining, my Edrian and I sat each other, talking in tears that seemed to be not bothered by the weather. That was a very important night, in which things should be cleared right away( clearer than water) no matter how painful it could be. " Do you really love me Ed?", with a crying words of mine. He answered in hesitation. " Yes, I really love you Sy! Even my family like you very much, my friends as well." , he yelled it to my face. I was in tears, crying and crying, like thinking his words wrong, like I don't want to believe, hoping I heard a false words, because I don't want to gain another bruises again. " Then, if you love me, so you have to choose her! I don't want her to cry becasue of me Ed! She deserved your love, and not a gay like me Ed! If you are confused about the two of us, then simple as that, you have to let go me! I know this situation already Ed, I can help myself! And if you are confused again, simple, you are just scared to admit that you didn't love me because you are shy and afraid to hurt me." , I said while crying.

To end that line, I created a border between us. He tried to chat me in messenger, but it was too painful for me to reply him. October 31, 2018, they officially in relationship. He took his place and I took mine too. Actually this is not the full story, because its too long.

Way back to the main stream. What makes it memorable? I admit, my 2018 is not my kind of a year, that sadness is really out of my vocabulary. It was a very bad year, literally. But it makes me different now. It molds me better than before. It created a very nice path to open my 2019. It was an unforgettable night, because everytime I ride this ship from time to time, even up to these days, I remembered things, and those things builds a realization. I knew its going to be a bad history, but it remains forever, because it cultivates me to be a tougher one, a stronger and more prepared version of Suello. I will never forget that Ed, promise.

A ship that never sinks,

Seawall.

2018 n Beyond

Place Address: Sitio Tunga, Santo Niño Chapel Seaside, Barangay Tanke, Talisay City, Cebu

#CNFBoyle

[psysay]

Hello Sir! Done making! Follow back me sir haha!

last night was too great to be our first. wild

[psysay]

Done! A whole new me.

First time here in Tumblr and can't wait to meet new people around this app.

Getting to know each other? Well want to know you too.

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