ptriichrs

[ptriichrs]

{ paul mescal / cis male / he/him } – ♦ The war is here. The realization hit { REMUS LUPIN } as they stood alone on the streets of London. They are a { TWENTY } year old { HALFBLOOD } { LIBRARY ASSISTANT } who can be described as { STEADFAST } and  { CANDID }. But be wary for they are also { RETICENT } and { INSECURE }. Currently they are siding with { THE ORDER }

BIO !

remus lupin blames himself for his family’s shame. he can still hear they words of fenrir greyback whenever he closes his eyes

“ ‘soulless, evil, deserving nothing but death’. according to daddy dearest that’s what us werewolves are worth. i wonder what his stance is when the runt learns to howl. ”

they were the last words remus heard before everything went black.

it was his fault greyback got in through the window that night. he shouldn’t have kept it open, no matter how warm it was. he shouldn’t have slept so close to the window, he was too much in sight. he wasn’t paying attention, he didn’t call for help quick enough

when his family packed up their belongings in their battered mini cooper and left the comfort of the welsh valleys to bustling scarborough

he felt content for a while. the seaside air eased his raw lungs after a full moon and the countless ice cream vans did much t lift his mood after a rough night

his mother, however, pined for home. she had never been out of wales her whole life, and he knew it was his fault

when he was being shown around hogwarts, remus hung to the back, only speaking when he was spoken to, but it wasn’t long before two balls of uncontrollable energy bounded towards him, and then along came a slight quieter boy and his life was never the same again.

the nightmares still came. he still had to face the monster he’d become once a month. he had to lie to his friends and for eleven years, he thought he had to do it alone. every time he turned, he could hear the repeat of his father's words booming in his brain. he feared that the only friends he’d allowed himself to have in his life would fear him, be revolted by him and leave him

when his friends found out, he felt like his lungs were filling up with water and his vision became blurred. all he could hear was his father and all he could feel was a burning in his arms and and ache in his legs and the echo of claws across his face

he was terrified the first time the marauders came with him on a full moon. he had no idea what he was capable of when he wasn’t in the right mind. they all came out fine, maybe shaken, and spent the day with him in the hospital wing, eating chocolate frogs and telling awful jokes and remus felt like the life he was living wasn’t his anymore and it was the first night after a full moon that he didn’t have a nightmare

( on the anniversary of their first full moon together in their sixth year, one of them gave him a stick and poke on his wrist, merlin knows who: the name moony, which was quickly adopted in his second year, with a moon above it that peter then charmed to show the actual course of the moon )

the state of the world scares remus. he doesn’t go home for the holidays after his fourth year, too scared to face his family and his neighbours, especially considering he hadn’t quite grasped how to cover the puckering scar that adorned his face, stretching from the left of his mouth diagonally to finish just above his right eyebrow

the fear he felt when he started hogwarts has started to creep back in now that he’s faced with the prospect of left. he can’t keep a steady job for the fear of someone discovering his secret. working at the library works well enough for now, covering shifts here and there, but he knows it can’t last forever.

MISC !

hella fucking bi don’t @ me

( the feelings started in his third year. it was around this time that growth spurts started. remus seemed to grow all at once and then stopped while everyone seemed to carry on. he started to notice the way jawlines would become sharper and arms became toned and good merlin what’s happening to me ? his grandfather, a preacher, would constantly warn young remus of the dangers of men who would pursue other men and the feeling was squashed down and ignored. it arose again in no time when he was three weeks away from turning fourteen and milly macdougal in hufflepuff kissed him under the mistletoe. he felt it all the way from his head to his toes. he thought he was cured, at last, but when a ravenclaw named archie hollingsworth kissed him hard and quick in the library before running off, remus felt the very same thing. greed was preached against by his own parents, one of the seven deadly sins and a one way ticket to damnation, and so the confused boy tried to avoid eye contact with anyone remotely attractive. that was, until, he became mortally drunk at a quidditch party and pretty much made his way around gryffindor house. the pats on the back at breakfast the next day quelled the guilty ache in his chest, but they did nothing to hide the scarlet blush rising on his cheeks ) 

chaotic neutral mom friend

germaphobe

his preferred form of affection and insult are the same - sarcasm

love to be cuddled. he’s skinny enough to be able to squirm into people's laps without becoming an obstruction but tall and forceful enough to guide their hands to his hair to play with it and whiny enough to complain when he doesn’t get attention

can speak welsh !

[ptriichrs]

I don’t really click with a lot of people. I, I struggle with that, actually. […] Mm. It’s, uh, familiar. I would say, um… in school, I definitely felt that feeling of isolation or whatever. But, um… People seem to like me. Everything, and here, I don’t think that, uh… people like me that much. […] I think… I think I thought if I moved here I’d fit in better. I thought, um… I’d meet more like - minded people but that just hasn’t happened. I left Carricklea thinking I could have a different life. But I hate it here and I can never go back.

[ptriichrs]

“I crave affection; and run from it.”

— A.M

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*makes a jerking off motion every time someone with authority talks*

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                  Some days you just have to step back                                   Take a deep breath                                    And ask the world : 

                                                                                    “ What the ᖴᑌᑕK ”

[ptriichrs]

sometimes a family is four nerds who change into animals

[ptriichrs]

[ptriichrs]

me?? using sarcasm as a defense mechanism???????? what?????

[ptriichrs]

[ptriichrs]

tag dump.