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I really cannot emphasize enough how much depression brain is a lying piece of shit.

I am not a natively optimistic person, I’m not a “look on the bright side” pollyanna who ignores negative things.

But breaking your cycle of negative thoughts/fixations by spending a little bit of time every day going “you know what, I heard Judas Priest on the radio today and found out that Rob Halford wrote a book and that’s cool” or “wow the sunset was very pretty so even if everything else sucked there’s that” or “my social media friend is having a good day” will make you feel better and will make the world seem like less of an oppressive, insurmountable slog of misery IF ONLY because your negative depression brain isn’t getting constant reinforcement from your negative thoughts.

I know it sounds like I’m saying “Think happy thoughts to make the depression go away” but what I’m saying is “make yourself think about happy - or at least not actively miserable - things once or twice a day to remind your lying piece of shit depression brain that not literally every single thing in the world contributes to your misery”

We get into depressive ruts and we reinforce negative thoughts with further negativity and that is part of the illness! That’s a symptom! And the treatment for that symptom is not uniformly reinforcing the negativity.

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i keep trying to memorize every detail of the moments i live in. in the soreness of my legs from standing so long at a concert, the chill of the night, the patterns of a tablecloth, the oily texture in my mouth after eating fried bananas. i keep trying to memorize the feelings, the quiet contentedness, the laughter, the excitement. i keep trying to memorize the people, their smiles, the way they speak, what makes them laugh. i’m constantly on the cusp of the next part of my life and that’s just so.. strange. but it makes it so much easier to find happiness no matter what’s happening to me, in a way? because i’m already kind of looking at life with those rose-colored glasses of nostalgia, simply because i know these are times i’ll never be able to live again, and these are people i might not always have, and that makes it so much easier to appreciate everything i might miss later. 

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The corpse you carry within you will soon feed the new life bursting out from your ribs. Nurture it. Salvage what you can.

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my mom says she’s not a hugger. but when i put my arms around her on a gloomy day or after bad news she’s the last to let go. my dad says he doesn’t want gifts on his birthday, but i see the way his face light up when i get him a card with a nice message and a box full of chocolate anyway. he’s just a kid inside, still. it makes him giddy. my brother never says i love you. but when i tell him “i just need to finish the dishes before i vacuum!” he wordlessly goes to vacuum the entire house before i can, and if he sees me struggle with a wrapper or a jar or a bottle he mutters ‘c’mere’ and opens it for me without even sparing me a glance. the thing is, people love you quietly, and you love them quietly, and the air is buzzing with tiny but grand gestures & once you look for them, you find them everywhere. i think that’s really beautiful.

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Monschau Germany

Monschau is a small historical town located in the hills of the North Eifel in North Rhine-Westphalia (German: Nordrhein-Westfalen) in Germany, situated just 4 km across the Belgian border. The picturesque old town center has many preserved 300 years old half-timbered houses along the river Rur.

© J.Höhn

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Mahmoud Darwish, “Like a Small Café, That’s Love,” in Almond Blossoms and Beyond, tr. Mohammad Shaheen [text ID under the cut]

Keep reading

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good evening to girls who are half tree, guys who’ve died twice, guys that have been dead for seven years, bisexuals who are possessed by a forest, gays that can take objects out of their dreams, guys that make you hold a robotic bee in a pit, dead welsh kings, psychic moms, latin teachers that have been framed for murder, boys without internal organs, hit men that read anglo-saxon poetry, and declan

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I want to live simply. I want to sit by the window when it rains and read books I’ll never be tested on. I want to paint because I want to, not because I’ve got something to prove. I want to listen to my body, fall asleep when the moon is high and wake up slowly, with no place to rush off to. I want not to be governed by money or clocks or any of the artificial restraints that humanity imposes on itself. I just want to be, boundless and infinite.

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There comes a point in life where you just want better for yourself. A better life, better people, better energies, better routine, better faith, better health, better mental progression. 

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“Becoming literate, then, means far more than learning to decode the written representation of a sound system. It is truly an act of knowing, through which a person is able to look critically at the world he/she lives in, and to reflect and act upon it.” — Paulo Freire, Cultural Action for Freedom

[ig//talesfortay]

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Yaks at Baishui river, Lijiang, China

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There comes a point in life where you just want better for yourself. A better life, better people, better energies, better routine, better faith, better health, better mental progression. 

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i wish a lot of things and sometimes they’re not good things 

i wish i could throw away all of my clothes and things and completely start over from scratch

i wish i had a good relationship with food

i wish i had stronger convictions

i wish i didn’t exist

i wish i could be myself comfortably in every situation and place

i wish i wasn’t afraid to take up space

i wish i didn’t care so much 

i wish i realized earlier that i had more options and capabilities than i thought 

i wish i wasn’t so good at lying

i wish it rained more

i wish i could take good photographs

i wish everyone was kinder and more understanding and accepting

i wish the world was never created 

i wish i wasn’t average 

i wish i couldn’t feel other people’s emotions 

i wish a lot of things, maybe too many things 

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run away with me. run away with me to a small little village where nobody knows our names. let’s run away from home and let’s start new lives. a town in the countryside. where no one knows where we came from, and no one cares who we were. we can live in a cottage, and bake bread, and visit the market everyday. we can have a garden, and we can live in peace.

or do you want to go to the city? sit in parks, and visit cafes. we can go to museums and walk the streets, watching the people passing by. a city where people ignore us, and we can have little adventures. let’s drink expensive lattes and fancy pastries. we can have a small apartment, and fill it with our stuff. run away with me.