puckermansjake

[puckermansjake]

long shot, but would anyone be interested in a 1x1? or maybe even a 2x2? i'm pretty open to opposites. if you're down, feel free to like this and i'll come to you to sort out the details.

[puckermansjake]

[puckermansjake]

lyricalbowties‌

Really? That’s a shame, I’m sorry you aren’t recognized more for it. Yeah! I can totally help. Well, I’ll do my best to help overall presentation wise seeing as how I won’t be familiar with the topic. Still, it will be insightful and I’m looking forward to it. I’ll text you and let you know what my schedule is like!

I suppose that is fair. And I 100% understand what you mean. She’s great, and yeah you’re right, she can hold her own. 

No need to apologize, man. Not on you to be sorry for. I think all I really need is someone to keep me from zoning out and playing Call of Duty and then wondering why I didn’t get shit done. I get frustrated easily when I can’t think of how to word things or what to do, so I just do something else. Sounds good to me. I think things should settle down once the season wraps up, but we’ve got a few good months left.

She knows what she wants, so that has to be good, right?

[puckermansjake]

ginandsmythe‌

Most of what I know is from experience. No one ever goes back there. I may not have spent as much time studying as I could have, but I definitely enjoyed the library more than I usually do.

See, that’s the kinda studying I can support. Might have to check that out for myself. I appreciate the advice, Smythe.

[puckermansjake]

qfabsxo‌

Most people don’t realize that usually doing things like that is counterproductive to actually helping someone with things. You just need someone who actually wants you to succeed. How sweet of you, I’m actually kind of impressed that it’s that important to you.

The fact that I’m no longer surprised by anything that you might do.

Just pisses me off and I get nothing done when I’m pissed. I hate when someone tries to make me feel like an idiot. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not hard, but damn. Easy does it. We haven’t hung out in awhile. Can you blame me for being eager?

Fair enough. I can’t really argue that one.

[puckermansjake]

text message 📩 jake ⇆ mercedes

MERCEDES: do you want an ass whooping jacob?

MERCEDES: I'm here to remind you that you're pumping me for information about my friend. you can figure out the rest for yourself.

MERCEDES: and just like that I have to fight you on behalf of my wife.

MERCEDES: we do typical best friends things jake. we drink, smoke, do homework, check in on each other, make sure no one goes out with an unblended chin. we should start spilling tea to one another.

MERCEDES: all this is really interesting. especially the fact that at the one party I miss you two found each other. so you found a girl who wasn't taking your shit huh? next time instead of going to Sam, ask me lil' Tito. you know, since that's my friend. and when you assumed she told you, you were being an ass? you apologized right?

MERCEDES: well speaking of spilling tea as your friend... I should tell you me and Sam. that was a thing.

JAKE: i could probably use one.

JAKE: i’m your friend too! plus, i think i knew you first and if i didn’t, then sounds fake.

JAKE: that’s what girls do? that’s wild. not gonna lie idk what i expected but that seems pretty tame.

JAKE: i didn’t ask sam anything. he just sorta told me, which made it worse. i guess him stepping up and mentioning it meant maybe there was something there. i don’t need to know everyone she’s been with. honestly i don’t even care because i wouldn’t want her getting my full list either.

JAKE: damn. seems like he really made rounds. i should’ve taught him how to not be messy with the game. he stayed too close in the friend group.

[puckermansjake]

text message 📩 jake ⇆ lauren

LAUREN: the ego on this guy, I tell ya. outrageous. can't compete with my one and only, the candy feelings are real.

LAUREN: you've got no dates, or the name of the pageants. but consider it a challenge. knock yourself out.

LAUREN: 'babe'? since when?

JAKE: haven’t heard you complain about it before. here’s the real question... what’s your favorite color worm? think hard.

JAKE: i’ve got your full name and a whole lotta time on my hands this break. it’s accepted.

JAKE: since now unless you prefer something more like butthead?

[puckermansjake]

text message 📩 jaketana

TANA: are you really trying to lie to /me/?

JAKE: i have no idea what you’re talking about. the only shit i post on my snapchat are shirtless pics and random shit. so unless you know something i don’t...

[puckermansjake]

text message 📩 jake ⇆ lauren

LAUREN: look at you, with the hot, artsy aesthetic. almost makes my nighttime snack run pale in comparison.

LAUREN: the pageant pics are on lockdown, pal. no one sees them.

LAUREN: uh-huh. the back muscles, right? I said what I said. hot cider makes sense in cold weather.

JAKE: go ahead and add that to your portfolio. almost? damn. mission failed.

JAKE: give me a little time. if your parents or bros ever visit campus, you’re toast.

JAKE: exactly. just because it makes sense doesn’t mean it’s the better option. 🤓

[puckermansjake]

text message 📩 jake ⇆ quinn

QUINN: I'm sure you can picture the face you'd be getting for saying that to me.

QUINN: Do you know something that I don't know about my relationship status?

JAKE: bet it involves an eyebrow raise and a serious “i’ll murder you and get away with it” look.

JAKE: you and ryder are still... something, right?

[puckermansjake]

text message 📩 jake ⇆ lauren

LAUREN: it's good but if you wanna flex that creativity, by all means go ahead.

LAUREN: neither one of us is getting pictures, so I guess we are.

LAUREN: owe me? what? a better massage? so long as it's hot cider. you know, the /superior/ one.

[HALF AN HOUR LATER]

JAKE: [ https://66.media.tumblr.com/1cc54301e9b2084fc60d3b746fa1d596/tumblr_inline_nbla90nD481s16jit.jpg ]

JAKE: hope that’s enough creativity to get you through your last night on campus.

JAKE: c’mon. not even one pic?

JAKE: sure, we’ll go with that. i’m just trying to ease those aching muscles. right... i’ll get cold for myself, cause it’s the better one.

[puckermansjake]

text message 📩 jake ⇆ lauren

LAUREN: what's in it for me? bad boy? all I see is a cider-loving marshmallow who occasionally swings on deserving assholes.

LAUREN: well allen, I guess we're at an impasse.

LAUREN: you've surprised me before. I just don't believe you about /this/ situation. ahh yes. the wonderful world of the orchard, how DID I live without cider for so long?

JAKE: [ https://66.media.tumblr.com/5a313f596ff63ac23cf064c586dc0c7f/tumblr_inline_n2vgznXSgK1s50qrk.jpg ]

JAKE: that good enough of a trade off? cause if not, i can get creative.

JAKE: oh, so we’re playing that game now, natalia?

JAKE: give me a chance and it’ll be the best massage of your life. if not, i’ll owe you. i’ll be sure to have you a cup whenever you get home. y’know, because i know you’re missing it.

[puckermansjake]

text message 📩 jake ⇆ quinn

QUINN: That was the joke part.

QUINN: You and I both know I'm not even close to being grouped in the same sentence as them.

JAKE: you’re the joke part. 🥴

JAKE: probably shouldn’t joke about that since you’re a spoken for woman.

[puckermansjake]

text message 📩 jake ⇆ lauren

LAUREN: is this you asking for a reward?

LAUREN: she sounds like a pretty amazing lady.

LAUREN: I think you're still feverish. you should get that checked out. 'seduce me'. yeah /okay/. There's not a single instance where that 'nice massage' doesn't end with you having an 'accidental' hand slip. It's only a problem if you can't dodge an apple, tbh. who said another orchard visit was happening? 😂 you're ridiculous.

JAKE: trying to take another pic?

JAKE: i think she’d probably like you too. especially when you roast me.

JAKE: i’ll keep my hands on your back and shoulders. that alone would be enough to get you weak at the knees. i’m capable of being good believe it or not. i’m used to dodging big dudes. i’m sure an apple would be no issue. the way you choked down that cider was enough to make me believe there would be a round two.

[puckermansjake]

text message 📩 jake ⇆ lauren

LAUREN: practically on your best behavior. but also that guy totally deserved it, so agreed.

LAUREN: that is a very good way of looking at it. and I'm sure it's made you two close.

LAUREN: I won't make any promises about that, especially if you keep using that name. Mhm, that's exactly it. I'm already feeling the difference but ugh. gonna invest in a heating pad. I can't think of a better way to spend an afternoon, dodging some apples. think of it as your off-season exercise. you're gonna spend the whole time ogling my ass, or will there be actual game-watching happening?

JAKE: isn’t good behavior supposed to be reinforced by rewards? pretty sure I heard that in psychology.

JAKE: she’s sorta everything to me. she could’ve given up on me after the times i fucked up, but she didn’t.

JAKE: c’mon, it’s hot. plus, it means business. if you ever want a nice massage, i volunteer as tribute. promise i won’t try to seduce you too much. should i be worried that you’re so into throwing apples at me? should i think twice before another orchard visit? why not do both? i’ll be your biggest fan on and off the field. 😏

[puckermansjake]

ginsclarington‌

I don’t mind that analogy. I just don’t care for beating around the bush or tipping around people’s feelings. Blunt and honest is the only way I wish to be.

I can get behind the whole blunt thing. Not so much on the making me feel like an idiot part if we’re being honest.

It’s cool if you’re all about being straight forward, but tone down the jackassery if possible?

[puckermansjake]

jake puckerman’s snapchat story 11/23/2019