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Another man’s trash is another man’s treasure 🖤

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I’ll be flying to you next

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ライディング・ビーン, 1989

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Camping 23’ GE

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Edinburgh, Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

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Love

It’s funny how love works

Love is one of those things that feel as if it’s a game of Tug of War, pulling to the left or pulling to the right or staying balance right in the centre

At times, it may feel the best no struggle to pull and it makes to be an easy win, other times, it feels as if there’s no point in pulling because no matter how hard you try you know you won’t win, and other time it’s a good battle of pull and we keep the ball at the middle.

I say this because, sometimes love feels so good, so addicting, so captivating, it’s magnetic, so connective to the extent of it even feeling surreal at times. Love is a feeling that words cannot capture, that imagery cannot portray, rather a feel that is so self isolated and special one can only recognize it once one is in it.

But with all the joy life can present, it always has a counteract and this case scenario it is hurt.

That is hardship, doubt, the state where the mind cannot rest, where the mind stays occupied, where restlessness becomes the norm.

Love is challenging, it’s requires unprecedented patience and continuous growth, moral and good intention.

The constant tug of war between the head and heart. To protect the heart, to lock off the head or give in to the heart, to unlock the mind.

Regardless, this love has taught me realms of emotions I never thought I’d be able to connect with, in the calm or in the rough, it’s taught me to keep moving.

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🌓

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Storm

I wish the sun made me as happy as the rain did.

I think to me the sun serves as a reminder of hurt but for a glimpse in my life the sun felt like the sun.

And now that I’m away from it- what the rain is to most people is what the sun has become for me again.

I think I’m a sad person at heart, maybe too much has happen to me in my life that happiness seems to be the rarity not the commonality, maybe I attract chaos, maybe I ruin peace, I’m not sure, but it seems as if I things just don’t want to play out in my favour, that maybe good things don’t necessarily happen to good people, that maybe the world is a cruel place for someone with a soft heart.

Because of those experiences, I feel as if my heart, soul, mind has become so lured to idea of happiness, of stable, of calm; of good.

when I feel happiness, I get really attached to it, bc for me it’s as if I’m feeling something outside my “common”. Something “new”, which is enticing, it’s almost captivating. Yet, when it’s taken away from me, I feel as if Im stranded back in my head, where isolation seems to be the only thing I know how to do. Like a little bear hiding in a cave waiting for a storm to pass.

I think my heart has been so hurt, I’m scared to feel the slightest of hurt. my soul has become so delicate, I don’t know how to navigate hurt anymore, so I close of any possibility to it, and I try to convince myself I’m protecting my inner peace, when it feels as if it’s hurting me more but I don’t do anything to stop it because I don’t know how to.

When it is okay to take the first step out of the cave, how can u be certain the storm has passed?

Now I feel as if, no matter how much I try to salvage a broken situation all outcomes still lead to ones that cause strain on my heart, are troublesome and are not amicable.

I wish I could just take a step back from it all, somehow get the answers to everything and come back with solutions or at least resolutions to make things feel okay, cause I feel as if I’m losing to my heart, and a loss of my heart is a loss of everything. How much patience do I need for someone to finally be as gentle with my heart as I am for theirs, when will love finally treat me right.

So who’s gonna show the little bear it’s okay to step outside again?

I wish I could just feel at peace again because I’m clearly not, I’m making fucking bear analogies what the fuck

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June

The month of June is a pivotal month for a lot of people, for some its a reminder of the warm summer, for some its a reminder of the cold winter, regardless, June is one of the months that serve as a reminder of change. June for me use to be a month a dreaded, it was a reminder that the sun was out, days were longer, happiness was the theme of the season. And when you aren't the happiest of people, summer seems like a recipe for sadness rather than happiness, when you want days to go by quicker, the days only seem to be longer, when the sun should invite you outside, it only reminds you of how long you've stayed inside. When gathering become the go to, it reminds you of how much you are and want to be alone. Now this June, the sun feels different. I now understand, why people hold the welcoming summer month so close to their hearts. June has become a month for reflection, reflection of how my previous perspective has changed so much, how i'm living unprecedented feelings of happiness. How one person really has the capability to change your world. She is that for me. I feel as though this relationship has been so monumental for me, until today, I cant find understanding in anything. She makes me feel as if everything just makes sense. Especially in the field of emotions she makes me feel as if everything just feels right, that i'm capable of love and loving. She makes me feel understood, and noticed. If anything i think this is the first time I've ever really felt special the way they say I am for them. I trust in her love for me and i believe that's the reason, i feel so connected and committed to this love. Although, there has been hardship or rather obstacles in this love, never had I ever had a thought thinking her or I would be better without each other. I know if i were to ever lose her or this love would come to an end, I'd never be able to find a love like this again, I know i would be comparing all my love later in life to her and how she made/makes me feel. She makes me feel whole, she makes love so comforting, exciting yet challenging in a way that will always pull me in and make me want it at the end of everyday no matter what. I've never admired someone for their genuinity so much. She really makes my soul smile, she makes every tomorrow a sunny day, she makes every night a goodnights sleep, my sunrise to every sunset. My missing piece, she is the most pure, most beautiful person inside and out I will ever love, and will always for as she says "always and forever" to me, i will love her first and forever. that is my commitment, my self promise that I intend to keep for as long as she lets me. She is my June.

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The only thing that makes you seem like you’re not too far away