punkallstar

[punkallstar]

My death OCD leads me to take screenshots of every funny or meaningful text interaction I have with my friends because I might need them someday

been thinking a lot about anticipatory grief lately. i love you so much that i know losing you will devastate me. i haven't lost you yet but i already miss you. we still have time, but it won't be enough. i think about what i would say at your funeral, and say some of it to you now cause i need you to know how loved you are before you go. you will go where i cannot follow, but you will never really leave me. it won't make it hurt less but it is a part of healing somehow.

[punkallstar]

the commodification of friendship is the most annoying thing to come out of the internet in ages. like actually i love to break this to you but you're supposed to help your friends move even if it's hard work. or stay up with them when they're sad even if you're gonna lose sleep. you're supposed to listen to their fears and sorrows even if it means your own mind takes on a little bit of that weight. that's how you know that you care. they will drive you to the airport and then you will make them soup when they're sick. you're supposed to make small sacrifices for them and they are supposed to do that for you. and there's actually gonna be rough patches for both of you where the balance will be uneven and you will still be friends and it will not be unhealthy and they will not be abusive. life is not meant to be an endless prioritization of our own comfort if it was we would literally never get anywhere ever. jesus.

[punkallstar]

as soon as the internet decided depression and anxiety were the everyman mental illnesses and therefore not to be taken seriously we were all fucked tbh bc the fact that i have to feel embarrassed to admit i have debilitating anxiety because people will think im just an uwu dont call me out coward is ridiculous. its insane that i have to clarify that my depressive episodes are like life threatening and not whatever dipshit dumbed down idea of depression people seem to have like oh yeah i just wanna watch netflix and eat ice cream and not text people back. like bro i think im the devil

EDIT: I AM NOT SAYING BEHAVIOURS LIKE WATCHING TV AND EATING ICE CREAM AND NOT TEXTING PEOPLE BACK ARENT CONSEQUENTIAL. they are. im saying they are not the height of depression as a disorder and while potentially precursors or symptoms of an oncoming life threatening depression induced incident, theyre more socially acceptable and "relatable" because YOU CAN EXPERIENCE THESE WITHOUT IT BEING A MENTAL ILLNESS. loads of people WHO ARE NOT DEPRESSED can and do experience this. loads of people who dont have depression THE DISORDER experience suicidality too. but theres a difference between having some off days and having debilitating depression that will fucking kill you.

you are all literally so annoying. this post was spat out when i was half asleep just venting on my fucking personal blog. stop fucking projecting on me.

[punkallstar]

[punkallstar]

they should make ibuprofen that lasts forever and ever with no side effects

[punkallstar]

Ultimately i am jealous of nepotism babies i want a nothing life too

[punkallstar]

im at a restaurant right now and there's this like 16 year old kid sitting at the table next to me completely alone with like 6 racks of ribs. hes eating like 1 rib every 10 seconds and the poor server who was assigned to him has to keep getting him new ribs. ive been here for an hour just watching this kid inhale ribs like he's gonna die the next day. he probably will given the amount of hot sauce he put on them

[punkallstar]

People on twitter are always like 'there's still people on tumblr?'... As if Twitter wasn't full of stolen text posts, gifs and art originally posted here

[punkallstar]

FUCK DISCOVERY HERE'S THE 4 SEASONS OF INFINITY TRAIN

[punkallstar]

I think one thing I really didn't get when I was like 20 is that "small talk" is often a way for people to hint at the bigger deeper things that are going on with them without overloading someone. like it can be an invitation and a chance to test the waters before launching into things that it may or may not be the appropriate time/place/person to talk about those things with.

like when someone asks "how are you," you don't have to respond with "good," but it also isn't necessarily a good context to go straight to "I keep flipping my shit at people I love because I can't regulate my emotions and I'm afraid of them dying or abandoning me," plus if someone isn't used to broaching that kind of topic at the beginning of an interaction it gives them a chance to develop the kind of comfortability to be able to talk about that stuff. some people will reach that point sooner than others, whether it's over 10 minutes or multiple years.

also, I've realized that it's a shame to dismiss talking about things besides our deepest troubles as being meaningless. human connection is meaningful even if it is just about the weather or how our family or our favorite sports team is doing, and knowing how someone feels about these supposedly surface topics tells us a lot about eachother that can be applied to topics you may consider more personal or impactful, and forming that foundation with someone is absolutely not something to be pushed aside as trivial.

[punkallstar]

“that’s just the way the world works” it literally doesn’t have to be but okay

[punkallstar]

when the cgi for your $200 million dollar budget movie looks worse than the annoying orange

[punkallstar]

vampires have been drinking human blood for centuries they don't give a fuck about guys on eight different antidepressants. they were sucking on asbestos factory workers

[punkallstar]

funniest screenshot from the entirety of the Alex Jones trials so far imo

[punkallstar]

i hate when other people are funnier than me.

[punkallstar]

Is this a threat?

[punkallstar]

no offence but I dont give two shits how big a carbon footprint inhalers and other medical equipment have when theyre keeping someone alive. like sorry you shouldnt feel guilty over the medical device that allows you to breathe when shell can guzzle oil directly into a birds mouth and nothing happens