puppyhub

[puppyhub]

The cute mess

How do I even being to explain how I am?

... Difficult

I'm a difficult person to deal with. I'm autistic and you and anyone around me will face some struggles to deal with me sometimes

I'm NOT easy.

And I'm not saying this to make you go away, but to warning you what you might face being with me.

This is something you should know from the start.

I have a explosive mind sometimes,

I might fight with you because I didn't understand something,

You might have to explain things to me like you were taking to kid.

Sometimes I'll be going non verbal because I get to tired inside my mind that I can't do anything, I'm yes, is physically exhausting to speak, the movement of opening my mouth is tiring 😔

Sometimes I'll be moving my body rhythmically back and forth, this can be when I'm sitting or standing, when I'll standing I tend to stomp my feet twice on the ground... Who sees from the out side might find this weird but I can't help.

If you see that I'm getting mad and making no sense at all, I know is hard, but don't try to fight me, things can get worse like I'm getting even more mad or being in a bad mood for the rest of the day, and those kinda of thing can be a trigger. In situations like that you might need to cut me off, saying will talk later or trying to explain your point like I was a kid, but talk serious not in a baby way or I'll think you're joking with my face.

Let me chill down and I'll recognize if I did something wrong, I always do, but if I don't, just explain to me.

If I'm moving my body back and forth, don't try to stop it or say for me to stop. A friend of my tried that before because she was annoyed by my movements and I got sad and verry pissed off. Just don't do that to me, and I'm probably gonna be non verbal while doing this, normally I am. What you can do is just let me be or you can smoothly touch me, hug me always work. I might respond nodding my head but still not talking till I feel better to do that again.

I'll take yours and anyone else's words literally. I'm easy to get flooded around because of this. I talk in a very literally way, I am literally. Autistic people tend to be this way, we talk and understand thing literally. So if I say something to you I'm meaning what I say. If I'm joking I'll literally write what I want and right after put "I'm joking". And I can understand a joke, but I might have a deadly on the understanding sometimes.

I'm very possessive over my things, my friends, my space and you. Is not that I don't like to share, but others need to understand that I am the first to touch whatever is mine than they can touch. Do you want my food? Okay, I am the first to have a bite. Do you want to touch my book? Okay, I'll ask if your hands are clean and ask you 100 times to take care while moving the pages. If I just meet someone (your not included in this) I don't want to touch them, is my space and they shouldn't get to close UNLESS I feel comfortable to being the touch. I'm like a dog marking my territory, if I sit on the same place I expected the others to not sit there, because is mine.

I don't like lights when I'm going to sleep, I like sleeping in the dark, and I hate loud sounds near the time for going to sleep or when I wake up (I put the links in the morning message of each sounds I do like and find comfortable) and I always bring a bottle of water with me to the bedroom, I might wake up and be thirsty.

If my things are messed up, don't touch them. I literally know where my mess is and if I go look for that thing and is not in the same place I put it, I might get crazy. So, don't do that even if you have the best intentions OR if you're moving my stuff warning me about it.

I like to tell you what I'm eating... I don't know why, I just do that to my friends every day at work.

I clap my hands when I'm happy or just randomly. Is.... Is my autistic thing. I also do a lot of hands movements randomly or repetitive ones.

Sometimes I'll need a yes or no response or I won't understand at all.

Sometimes I'll might look innocent, like a puppy, that's what my friends says.

I don't know if I put everything here, but I can remember this things right now, if there's more i make part two.

I need someone who can comprehend this side of me and fight for me because as you can see about I gave enough reasons for you not be with me.

Anyways I hope you can at least understand a little better how I and and how I work, somethings are probably making sense inside of your mind right now.

[puppyhub]

Morning message

I should have go to bed and sleep when you said your good nights yesterday but in the moment you said you want me to say something about my day for you to read at morning I couldn't just go to sleep without writing before. My heart, my mind they just screamed "go write for her!" and I did, that's why I'm here now. I'm picturing you smiling the morning receiving this text and I'm here fully asleep smiling just to the thought of you smiling, sorry I can't help being a silky in love. The smallest things makes me happy.

My day didn't start easy yesterday but became better as the day went by. Being autistic is not easy and I got tired in the morning because of that and I'm gonna talk better about that on another post for you, it might help you now and in the future when we're together.

I'm not a morning, usually don't talk and like chilling sounds, not talking about music it self, but sounds, like this on in the video, or this one this kind of sound chills me down and set me for a good mood. I might be not that talkative in the morning (very different from what I am in the rest of the day) but I'm very expressive, so when we're together I'm gonna backhug you and kiss you good morning. Even though I like to tell you all the time how much I love you I have other ways to show you, this is my morning love.

Ps: I'm really good expressing myself without needing to talk, you're gonna realize that in the moment we met.

I didn't do much stuff on the work yesterday, I was busy doing edits because I neet to work on them, but physically not much, most of my tiredness comes from the mind, I need to get up early when I finally got home is always after might night, even though I only work four day a weak is still hard something for me. You might look at this and think I'm crazy, that I shouldn't have problems at work, but believe me they exit and they got me crazy, and also my mind (my autistic mind) just make me feel... Bad sometimes, everything is just hard to deal sometimes. But nowadays I didn't have much stress at work (thank god for that), my boss is focoin other business so I'm not his target anymore.

Since I'm talking about physical stress I know you have a lot and I wish I could take all of this from you. It hurts me sometimes (sometimes no, all the time) that I can't be by your side. I want to be there for you, take away a little of your pain, you shouldn't have to take everything alone, I SHOULD be there 😔 half of my time I'm thinking of ways to reach for you... I'll talk about that in other post but right now that I can't be by your side, at least not the way I wanted I hope my words can reach you and feel how sincere I am. Right now I'm writing something for you in the morning to read, one the in the future we might be living what I'm writing today, or I'm gonna be in the kitchen making us breakfast while you still in bed, reading an hand letter I wrote for you while you were sleep last night.

I'm a box of surprise 😋

I can't kiss you on the cheek before you leave to work but I can write you, and I'm gonna write you a lot from now on ❤️

By the way, do you like the gif I put on the beginning, its silly but I like to put an gif that kinda match the text, I put this one with the coffee because you gonna read by the time you wake up and I regular drink my coffee in the morning. I know, still, but I really to like to put them there, hehe.

I was going to say good night, but is actually a "see you in the morning my love" I hope your smiling ☺️

[puppyhub]

Expectations

You asked what I wanted to do and explore, also what I expected from you... Well I can't lie that I expect a lot of thing but also I'm Not that delusional, that's what I'm always trying to talk to see if we are in the same line.

There's a lot of thing that I like and I want to try with you. I like the baby boy/mommy dom dynamics and I'm very interested in pet play too.

I can't lie that I'm a sucker for praise kink: "you did well", " you're a good boy", "mommy is proud of you" I like that kind of stuff, makes me feel appreciated and want to dedicate to whatever I'm doing, because I know I'm gonna make you proud, make myself proud.

I also like to be called by pet names: baby boy, pretty boy, babe, puppy, any kind of cute name you want to call me, I'm a sucker for that, makes my heart beats fast, you'll have my full attention on anything you said and makes me want to obey to whatever you say. You have that power over me.

Bbmd can have different dynamics, is not a strict rule and we can find out what we like and what works for us. I know many baby's like to wear diapers, this is something I told you I didn't like, but I like kids activities like coloring books for exemple.

Just like a kid who have to follow the rules, I like rules, I wish I have ones to follow. What I should or should not do, and some activities to follow, I even accept physical exercises and what should or not eat.

I want to take control over me. But this is something we can talk about of course, everything about we can talk about that.

From what I expected from you... As the one dominating me I wanna feel your presence through your words and rules because is what you can give me since we can see each other. I expect you giving good morning mostly because you actually wake up before me and as a mommy I expected that 👉👈, hope you can come (whenever you can because I know you busy) and ask how I am and what am I doing, juts like I do to you. I also expect you to give me goodnights so I'll understand the conversation for the day is over. Expect you give daily activities and check if I did them. I really like to feel small and being taken care of. As a baby boy I kinda expected to be in the center of your attention and I speak that on you, your attention.

Of course, everything is gonna be talked about between us, I also need to see what you like and is willing to do.

I put only some exemple here, not everything it's here already and through the days I'll be writing more. But for now I think you can understand a little how I feel.

When I said about you being more dominant with me I was talking about this kinda stuff and I don't if this is something you wanna try but we're gonna talk. And just to be clear I understand the reality of what I expected, what I want and what you can give me are different.

I'm going home, I wish I could get there and take a warm bath with you. Shall we do this one day?

[puppyhub]

The beginning

Do you remember when I said I wanted to write for you? So, this is for you and I hope through this I can reach your heart.

You know I have some struggles with English since is not my first language so this might have some (maybe a lot 😅) of English mistakes.

This is me trying,

For you

For me

For us

I wanna try my best to communicate with you, want you to know what's inside my mind when I think of the, the scenarios I create, the things we will do when the time for us to meet finally comes.

You don't have to reply here if you don't want to, I'm gonna send all my texts for you privately and we can talk in our little world.

This is just the first but I'll be making more today, by the way how's your evening? Did you eat?