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Where to go from here..

I found myself at a crossroads once again. I am stuck in a place where my head is telling me to be logical and follow through with what I’ve started. I have invested a fair amount of time and effort in one place knowing that what I have started has been a catalyst for positive change in my life and those involved. This should be easy, surely I continue on this path that is similar to those I’ve paved in the past in hopes of a better outcome. While those paths I’ve previously paved have lead to beautiful scenery and green pastures my heart pulls me away entirely. I am being pulled into uncertainty, the only thing I have is hope, instinct, an unwavering and persistent feeling in the pit of my stomach that I belong elsewhere. Time has never been a factor in my decision making process, however, the older I’ve gotten the more I realize that perhaps my opportunities to follow my heart are dwindling. “If it’s meant to be it will be,” is far to cliche for me to admittedly wholeheartedly agree, because while there is some truth to this, the logic in me knows that nothing can come into existence without action. I’ve been praised for my ability to be straightforward and honest, so how is that I’ve gotten to the point that I can withhold my truth from the place where my heart lies, all the while denying honesty in the place where I lay my head at night? The dreams are vividly racing through my mind at night, and my reality becomes more, and more apparent on a daily basis. It’s as if I’ve been through this not only in the life, but in many lives prior to the one I’m currently living. I wonder how many times I’ve been in this situation, and how many times I’ve chosen my heart over logic, and vice versa. I’ve spent so much time thinking logically in areas that have little to do with logic, and everything to do with heart, and I’ve used my heart in situations that required logic. It’s become a source of discomfort, and in discomfort you can find growth. However this may end up I just hope, and pray that this turns out in a way that benefits everyone involved. I never want to inflict any pain of any kind on anyone ever again, and it may be time that I finally stop inflicting this pain on myself. Time to pull myself out of this purgatory... Whether to lead with my heart, or with my head is the conundrum, and while there are an infinite amount of possible outcomes, perhaps the crossroads always leads to the same place despite of the path I choose, but I suppose there is only one way to find out.

To Life, and Living It.

-AZ

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0054 | Michael Salisbury

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New York by Rebekah Hughes

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Le Louvre Museum

Paris 1950s

Patrice Molinard

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simulates:

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Nijmegen Dukenburg

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