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purple-scarf-mistress · 5 months

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Cream Puff

The long awaited sequel to Ice Cream.

Word count: IDK did this on my phone and will come back to count and edit later. Sorry if there are typos!

Enjoyed writing this thanks for all your requests for it!

Warnings: SMUT, BDSM, double pen let me know if there is something I missed

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After the activities in the Hotel room, JJ had decided to go for it and fully become their submissive. This meant she had rules to follow and that punishments would ensue if she broke them. Some of her rules were as follows:

When not at work she must always be in a skirt or dress

She must send a picture of her panties every day for approval and Emily and Aaron have the right to tell her to change them or tell her to go without if they see fit

She must eat three meals a day and drink plenty of water, this was for her own benefit.

She was not to touch her self and/or orgasm with out permission from Emily or Aaron.

When not at work, she must always address Aaron as Daddy or Sir and Emily as Mommy or Ma’am.

She must openly communicate her feeling regarding her emotional state in or out of a scene so that her Doms can take action to ease any distress

She must recite her safe words upon request at any point and should use them as needed in a scene

She must wear the anklet Emily and Aaron bought her at all times as a discrete collar. A symbol of her submission

She must use a butt plug for at least one hour a day so that her ass is able to accommodate cock, a dildo, or strap on.

Aaron and Emily have final say, and can add or change the rules at any time and JJ will be expected to be followed. JJ can object to a new rule if it pushes a limit by utilizing a safe word.

JJ looked around the room as Aaron and Emily lead her into their play room, this wasn’t the first time she came into this room since entering their dynamic. In fact she loved coming into the room, it excited her and she could feel herself growing wet as her eagerness set in, the only problem was she was being sent to this room for punishment first… not just pleasure having broken a rule.

She heard Emily’s voice first, sharp and angry like a mother who’s fed up with her perusal child. “Undress JJ. Then kneel on the floor and explain to me just exactly what you were caught breaking while kneeling on the floor”

Aaron sat in a leather chair beside her, his collard shirt unbuttoned and his tie undone. His face was stern, the same one the team was use to when he was angry, only this one was even a step further.

JJ started undressing, folding each article of clothing and stacking it on a near by table as she did. First came her shirt, then her skirt, her bra was slipped off next showing her hard pink nipples before she hooked her thumbs in the sides of her panties that Aaron had selected for her this morning, a light blue lace thong. She took a deep breath before kneeling down on the cold would floor, her knees were sure to hurt in this position, she kneeled as she was taught, her knees spread apart so her pussy could be seen by her doms and her back strait hands resting on her thighs so her breasts were pushed forward, her head bowed not making eye contact unless requested.

Aaron arched a brow, “well…”

JJ took a deep breath and said “Mommy and Daddy, I broke the rule of not touching myself and not orgasming. Daddy caught me orgasming when he came home with my fingers in my pussy, and I did not ask for permission.”

“Excuse me… whose pussy?” Emily chided

“Your pussy, sorry ma’am” JJ couldn’t help that the embarrassment of this was turning her on. She worried her pussy would become so wet she would leave a puddle of her arousal on the floor.

“And what do you have to say for your self” the woman continued eyeing her submissive on the floor.

“I’m sorry mommy and daddy. I shouldn’t have done that, and I’m ready to accept my punishment.” Her spine shivered at the thought.

Aaron cleared his through, “well… Emily dear, what do we think about punishment for this today? I’m usually a fan of a spanking but I think having to stand at the wall with her clamped nipples touching the wall for 30 minutes will be a good start for today.”

“Oh I do like that, during her facing the wall, I think we start her hour of anal training, and afterwards when we claim her, we can over stimulate her till she cries, after all, she wanted an orgasm, let’s she how she likes to orgasm on repeat at our hands.”

JJ nearly signed in relishes thought that she might have skated today, standing facing the wall easy, wearing a butt plug? She had become use to that. And getting several orgasms, well that seemed more like a reward. Easy.

She was ordered to stand and bend over as a medium side lubed plug was pushed inside her, she took it well, a slight whimper as it stretched her open at first and then after she was lead over to the wall. She moans as Aaron pinched and rolled her nipples and then gasped as he placed the nipple clamps. Emily’s hands then spun her around to the wall and papers were placed between the wall and her nipples.

“Drop a paper and you will be spanked 5 times when this is done. I’ve set a timer. You stand here while daddy and I fuck on the bed behind you.” Emily smirked as she walked away, watching JJ for a moment before she and Aaron lost themselves in each other.

JJ could hear the sounds of them, the wet kissing, the leaked smacking of Aaron’s balls agasint Emily’s body, Emily crying out as she orgasmed on Aaron’s cock. She could imagine it in her mind, how beautiful Emily would look, on the bed, her legs hooked over his shoulders, how sexy Aaron would look as his sweat trickled down abs as his eyes closed when he released his seed inside of Emily. JJ took a deep breath as picturing it as she heard it happening behind her aroused her, the only problem was that breath made her chest heave and one of the papers fell softly to the floor.

She grit her teeth, frustrated that she had let it slip. Her mind wandering as she anxiously awaited the time to go off, this was beginning to seem endless. Her nipples ached, she wanted to sit down, It felt like ages… maybe this wasn’t as easy as she thought.

The timer broke the silence and she took a relived breath, Emily and Aaron walked over, both naked and helped her to back away from the wall and over to the bed where they bent her over.

“You dropped a paper little girl, what does that mean?” Aaron said

“Five spanks daddy”

“Good. Don’t want to count or thank me for each one?”

“Thank you, daddy”

“Alright then.” Aaron brought his hand back and came down hard on her cheek making the small blonde scream.

“Thank you daddy!” She whimpers out afterwards. This happened three more times as his spanks alternated cheeks and thighs, the final one came down hard right where the first had been, her eyes were watering, “th-thank… you… daddy…”

Emily came up behind her and rubbed a soft oil into her tender bum before spreading her cheeks and retrieving the plug they had inserted into her earlier. “You took your punishment like a good little girl so far sweet one” she said lovingly. “Only a little more to go.”

JJ nodded her understanding, still laying bent over the bed. She could hear Emily and Aaron behind her discussing what would be next, “I think she’s done well so far, should we perhaps let go of the overestimation today? And just fuck our darling girl?” Aaron thought allowed.

Emily, nodded, “yes I really want to fuck her already and get mine. She inserted a double sided dildo into her, and added a clit vibrator to her as she secured the straps. “I want to fuck her ass today, you can take her mouth or pussy”

Aaron smirked, “oh pussy for sure, I think she can take us both. What do you think little one”

The blonde girl looked behind her at them, nodding, “I can take it daddy”

They smirked and all got up on the bed, Aaron layed down and helped his little blonde straddle his bare cock and watched intently as it disappears into her tight heat, her face twisting in a pleasurable expression as she sunk down on him, she moans as Emily had her bend forward into his chest, she could feel the slubbed silicone press against her tight hole from behind. “Oh…” she bit her lip as the head breached her hole.

Emily moans softly as she felt the resistance on the other end of the double sided dildo pushing into her pussy, a couple of thrusts and the dildo sank deep into JJs ass hole. She moans and squirmed as she tried to adjust to being filled by Aaron’s cock and the dildo Emily had selected to use today.

She couldn’t form words as the two doms started rocking their hips in time, the sensations so intense for JJ all she could do was moan, whimper, and gasp. Her still clamped nipples ached as they rubbed against Aaron’s chest, his fingers grazing up her body till they played with the over sensitive bud. She tried to move her hips with them.

“Shh just lay still and let us pleasure you my little butterfly” Emily wispers into her ear before she moans her pussy being pushed to the edge by the vibrations on her clit.

Aaron thrusted up his hands in JJs hips pulling down to match, “just be a good girl and take it, we’ve got you. Just let us push you over the edge. You have permission.” one of his fingers found its way to her clit and started circling intently.

JJ was a mess, she screamed and moans and gasped, as Aaron pressed down on her clit to make her cum she cried out her pussy spasming around his cock, the contractions in her pussy there to milk his cock for cum we’re so strong that her ass tightened making it harder for Emily to thrust.

Emily reached around and unclamped JJs abused nipples, the rush of blood back into her aching nipples made her scream, adding to her already intense orgasm.

Emily continued to fuck herself on the dildo lodged in JJS ass till she reached her climax, Aaron, not far behind thrusted up again and again till he came deep inside of JJs pussy.l with a loud groan. They all laid there spent, panting and catching their breath.

JJ didn’t know how much time had passed before Emily and Aaron pulled out of her raw body, gently laying her on the bed. Aaron smiled as he looked at JJs cream filled pussy. A slight smile on his face as the helped her get comfy on the bed. Aaron left the girl in Emily’s car as he retrieved water and snacks for them all, but especially JJ. As he looked at the snack options he smirked finding a box of cream puffs in the fridge, the gooey center reminding him of the site he saw just a few moments ago. He headed back to the room to take care of their sub with Emily.

#jotchness #emily prentis #aaron hotchner #jennifer jareau #criminal minds #criminal minds smut #hotch #jj x Hotch x prentiss

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purple-scarf-mistress · 5 months

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I’ve Got My Eye On You | Spencer Reid x F! Reader

Summary: A piece of Spencer Reid died the day Tobias Hankle kidnapped and tortured him. Seeing your friend in desperate need of help, you take it upon yourself to keep an eye on him and help him every step of the way, no matter how hard those steps may be. Inspired by “Say Yes To Heaven” by Lana Del Rey.

Content warnings: mention/discussion of addictions, narcotics references, withdrawal description.

wc: 9.3k

Also cross-posted on Wattpad and AO3

a/n: thank you to all who take time to read my stories. I appreciate each and everyone of you, and you all deserve the softest forehead kisses.

- - - - -

"Spencer I know what Tobias did to you, and I want you to know that I'm here for you. You're one of my closest friends and I don't want you to feel like you have to handle this on your own. It's not your fault, and what he did to you was wrong, please don't blame yourself. And please let me help you, I know you'd do the same for me. I can't lose you to this, you mean too much to me and you deserve to be free of this torment." Your throat constricts with emotion and you can't help the single tear that rolls down your cheek.

"I've tried to stop but I can't." Spencer's voice cracks through his tears, beckoning you to lift your head to meet his gaze. His eyes are tear-filled and his grip on your hands tightens. Sniffling, you nod your head, prepared to take on this challenge with him.

- - - -

A part of Spencer Reid died the day he was kidnapped by Tobias Hankle. You noticed it like day turned to night. After he had been rescued, there was a hollowness in his eyes you had never seen before. The rest of the team seemed quick to move on and it's like they almost disregarded the horrors and trauma Spencer endured.

But you were not as quick to forget, nor did you brush it under the rug. You had taken note of the needle tracks left in his arms when he was rescued, and you were keenly aware that narcotics addiction is one hell of a beast to slay. And so you took it upon yourself to keep an eye on him; you were not about to lose one of your closest friends, and it became obvious that nobody else was going to be there to support him.

As you look across the bullpen to the man who occupies your thoughts you reminisce about the Spencer you knew before the tragedy. He was bright-eyed and innocent, socially awkward but charming in his own way. And while many of those things are still true, he's changed.

You've noticed how he's taken on a much more serious tone on cases, how he's becoming more skeptical of people. And you don't miss how his fingers find their way into his pockets during stressful conversations or how he's developing a short temper. Alarm bells sound off in your head and you wonder how the others could be missing this. But you know if nobody else is going to intervene and help him, then you will.

Spencer turns around with papers in his hands and you avert your gaze quickly, not wanting to be caught staring at him. The clock lets you know it's time to go home and the other team members head out the door with farewells. You politely say your goodbyes to them but hang back intentionally.

The bullpen is occupied only by you and Spencer now. It's not unusual for either of you to work over, but this time you're not staying for the paperwork. While Spencer wraps up his work you feign busyness, you don't want him to become skeptical of you. This plan had been mulling over in your mind for a week now, and you've just now been able to find the courage to act on it.

Twenty minutes pass before you see Spencer start wrapping up his final report, and so you casually begin packing up as well. What a coincidence that you two finished at the same time. You stand from your chair and shrug your coat on, preparing for the crisp air that awaits you outside.

"Hey, if you want I can give you a ride home. The buses stopped an hour ago and it's pretty cold out." You softly break the silence between the two of you. Spencer stops in his tracks and you see the conflict on his face. You hope he takes you up on your offer, your entire plan kind of hinges on it. After a few fleeting moments of contemplation, he nods his head.

"Sure, that would be nice. Thank you." He gives you a small smile and you let out a breath you were unaware of holding. The two of you walk side by side out of the building and into the cold air, where your breath turns to white clouds.

"How'd your reports go?" You ask, trying to keep a conversation flowing. Your stomach turns in nervousness and you remind yourself of what's at stake so as to not back out of your plan for fear of rejection or failure.

"They went okay." His answer is too short for your liking. As you buckle your seatbelt you notice how his hand finds it way into his coat pocket. Your heart drops, but you remain casual as you start driving towards his apartment.

"So do you actually think we're going to get a full weekend off?" So far your plan is going almost as well as you had hoped, and you count down the minutes before you'll arrive at Spencer's building. He sighs in the seat next to you,

"Maybe. I think I heard JJ and Hotch talk about a no-contact weekend unless it's an absolute emergency." He turns his head to look out of the window and you swallow your nerves. You only hope that he's not trying to read your body language.

"So any fun plans this weekend then?" You come to a stop at a light and look over to Spencer. From the soft glow of the street lamp you see how tired he looks, and your heart aches for your friend.

"No. You?" His answer is simpler than the ones he usually gives you; conciseness is also a new development it seems.

"Nothing particularly fun." You honestly answer before pulling up to the curb next to his apartment. Pushing back all doubts that float in your mind, you know the time has come and only hope that things turn out well.

Spencer goes to reach for the door handle, uttering a thank you, but you reach out and grab his bicep to keep him in the car for just a few more moments. Your heart thumps in your chest as he settles back into the seat and looks at you with curiosity. Taking a deep breath, you decide to just rip the bandaid off and be straightforward with him.

"Spencer. There's something I want to talk to you about." Your eyes meet his, faces only illuminated faintly from the street.

"What is it?" There's no trace of skepticism in his voice and it gives you a boost of hopefulness. So far his short temper hasn't effected your relationship with him, but you know full well that this conversation could change that.

You and Spencer had developed a good friendship over the years. The two of you were hired around the same time and so it was easy to bond over being the newbies on the team. And after a few years the two of you had been able to build a strong bond based on trust and respect; he was one of the few people you know you can count on. You trust him with your life and now you hope he trusts you with his.

Keeping a gentle hand on his arm, you want him to know that what you're about to say is coming from a place of love.

"You know I care about you, right?" You start off your rehearsed lines, careful to pick your wording just right so that he doesn't feel attacked or judged. His head nods almost instantly.

"Of course." He says, and you see the authenticity clearly in his eyes. But they're not the eyes you've come to know, you see within them the anguish he's going through.

Though you had practiced these words several times over the week, saying them out loud makes this situation all too real for you. The reality hits you like a brick wall that if Spencer doesn't get some help, his life may be on the line.

Spencer's jaw sets tightly and you see his eyes follow the tear down your cheek. Your lower lip quivers as you try to keep your composure, but once you see his jaw waver, your façade cracks. Soon enough, you and Spencer are crying together, both of you gripping onto each other's hands like a lifeline.

His hands shake as they grab onto yours, enveloping them completely. You know the tremors aren't from nerves, and it causes you to cry harder. All you want is for him to be free of this addiction.

"You don't have to do it alone. I'm right here with you, every step of the way." You rest your hand on his cheek, letting him know that your words are true. And though you have a long road ahead of you, you know you'd walk across fiery coals every second of your life for him.

- - - - -

The road to recovery is one full of bumps, twists, and turns. You knew that this would be difficult, but you had severely underestimated just how challenging it was going to get.

As soon as Spencer had accepted your offer of help, you had done everything you could to educate yourself about narcotics addiction and how to support someone who is seeking recovery. An interesting fact you had come across was that the withdrawal symptoms for Dilaudid addiction typically cease quicker than other drug withdrawals, but they're more intense. And this had never been clearer than it is right now.

"Is there anything else I can get for you?" Your hand brushes hair out of Spencer's eyes as he lays on the couch, drenched in sweat with shaking hands.

He had been running a fever for a few hours now, and developed nausea and anxiety recently; all normal and expected symptoms but that didn't mean they were easy to handle.

"Some space." He snaps back quickly, and you try hard not to take it personally. Irritability is also an unfortunate side effect of withdrawal.

With a sigh, you back away from him and walk over to the window, which has frosted over with fresh snow. Due to the holiday season, Hotch gave everyone two weeks off to celebrate Christmas and also New Year. Spencer had asked you to stay with him during these two weeks so that he could quit, and of course you said yes.

It's not like you had family plans anyway, the team is more of your family than blood relatives at this point. And before you arrived at Spencer's you had delivered gifts to the rest of the team, peddling a story of how you're going on a vacation during the break, so that they don't contact you. And how you wished you were on a tropical island sipping a fruity drink somewhere instead of watching your best friend writhe in pain.

Turning your head slightly to look over at him, you see his trembling hands ball themselves into fists over and over again, a likely coping mechanism for the torment he's experiencing. From the research you've done, you know the worst is yet to come.

- - - - -

Hours later, in the middle of the night, you hear Spencer make his way to the bathroom. Seconds later you hear him get sick and you check the watch on your wrist. According to your estimates, he's likely hitting the peak of withdrawal symptoms.

Sighing and rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you cautiously enter his room and see the bathroom light on. Spencer's hunched over the toilet, hair sticking to his forehead with sweat that's dripping down his temple. Upon hearing your arrival, he looks over to you in the doorway and you've never seen a more pleading look.

Instead of just standing and staring, you move to run cold water over a cloth and place it on the back of his neck. Another wave of sickness comes over him, and you kneel beside him, rubbing circles on his back to try and bring some sort of comfort to him.

After the nausea has ceased, he collapses back against the wall. You take the cloth from around his neck and gingerly wipe away the sweat and clean up around his mouth.

"It's okay Spence, you're doing great. I'm proud of you." You whisper and place a kiss to his forehead, and you mean every single word.

You sit beside him and his clammy hand finds yours, and he holds it tight. Your eyes travel up his arm, seeing the faint marks from previous needle injection and you hope that they fade quickly, he doesn't need a constant reminder.

"Did you get rid of it?" He asks suddenly, startling you out of you focus. His head is tipped back against the wall and his eyes are closed.

"I got rid of it all. Nothing is left here." You confirm to him with a gentle squeeze of his hand.

Earlier when you arrived the first step was for you to destroy the vial of Dilaudid and all the needles he had so that when this stage of withdrawal came around he wouldn't be able to give into the intense cravings.

"I need it." He says, eyes opening and staring into yours. Spencer's eyes are glazed over and watery. You shake your head, encouraging him to keep going.

"No, you don't need it. This is the peak of the withdrawal Spence. A few more hours and things will get easier." You recite the information you remember from your research.

As if he's suddenly disgusted with you, he drops your hand and looks away, pushing his own hair out of his face. His jaw tenses and his foot starts tapping against the floor.

"Get out of here." His tone is harsh, and your heart drops, but you listen to him.

Without a word, you leave his bedroom and close the door behind you. You know that the withdrawal is wreaking havoc on his mind and body, but it's hard to watch and hear your best friend behave so differently.

You go to take a seat in his couch, and reminisce on the good times the two of you shared here. There were weekend nights spent completing puzzles and making cookies together, and other times you just lounged around while he read. The connection you two shared was an easy going one, there were never any expectations and you two were just content with each other's company.

You can't wait to have those nights back, and you know they may not happen for a while. And that's okay, as long as Spencer was getting better that's more than you can ask for.

- - - - -

One week had passed and thankfully Spencer's condition improved greatly. His hands no longer tremble, he doesn't break out into cold sweats anymore, and his personality is beginning to shine through again. Sure, there are still some bouts of anxiety and irritability, but overall you couldn't be happier with his progress.

While you wait for him to get up for the day, you make him some pancakes and bacon. His appetite had also made a reappearance. The maple smell wafts throughout his apartment and makes your tummy grumble.

The sound of Spencer's bedroom door opening cues you to turn on the coffee pot, so that he can have some fresh coffee with his breakfast. You place his favorite mug beside the pot and flip the bacon, estimating another two minutes before everything is ready.

"Good morning." Spencer's raspy morning voice says from behind you. He walks around you, mindlessly placing a hand on your waist as he squeezes past you to get to the coffee pot.

The warmth of his fingers on your waist in the cool air of the apartment sends a wave of heat through you before taking residence in your cheeks. Spencer had touched you a hundred times before, but his touch had never elicited a response from your body like this before.

"Good morning, how'd you sleep?" You ask, trying to distract yourself from whatever it was your body was doing.

After pouring steaming hot coffee into his mug and dumping a small ton of sugar into it, he leans back against the counter. Unable to help yourself, you glance over at him and see his unruly hair and take note that he's decided to wear his glasses today. Another wave of warmth radiates through you.

"Good, I didn't wake up once throughout the night." He says with a small smile, sipping his coffee. You match his smile, happy to hear that he's made another improvement.

You turn the burners off on the stove and motion for him to help himself. He sets his mug down on the counter and you turn to get yourself ready for the day. Not that you're going anywhere, you just prefer to feel a little put together. Plus, this gives you a reason to get away from Spencer's observant eyes. What if he noticed something was weird with you this morning?

Mind occupied with dissecting your own feelings, you manage to toss on a sweater and some comfortable sweats, not even bothering to see if they match or not. No, your brain is too wrapped up in decoding why your body had reacted the way it did to Spencer's touch.

In all the years you two had been friends, he had touched you like that before to get past you, he had held your hand after particularly hard cases so you could fall asleep on the jet, and yet none of those times made you feel like he just had in the kitchen. So what exactly had changed?

The question plays itself over and over in your mind as you rejoin him at the dining table for breakfast. Only the soft ticking of the clock and the occasional scrape of a fork across a plate can be heard. It's typical for the two of you to share your mornings relatively peacefully, letting each other wake up for the day. It's a calm routine, one you know you'll miss after this is all over.

"Are you ready to get back to work next week?" Spencer breaks the silence, finishing off his bacon.

"Yes and no. I'll miss the free time, but it'll feel good to get back out there. What about you?" You admit that you're not completely ready to get back into the swing of things, you've found that you quite enjoy spending your days with Spencer.

"I'm just ready to be back to myself." He says, a soft smile on his face. You nod knowingly,

"You will be, Spence." You fight the urge to reach across the table for his hand, afraid of how your body may betray you again, so instead, you offer him your most genuine gaze. But it hardly conveys the sincerity you want it to.

"I still crave it, and I know that once I'm back out there I'll want it even more." He tells you with a sigh. Unfortunately, craving the drug of choice is a lasting side effect, especially for those experiencing stress.

"That may be true but you've worked so hard to get here. And I'll be there for you, never forget that. If it ever feels like it's too much, come to me and we'll work through it. I promise." Spencer's eyes look slightly enlarged from his glasses, and it only allows you to see their beauty enhanced; it's like you could spend hours swimming in them.

"I know, thank you." His voice drops to a whisper, and you know he means it. Spencer has never been very good at expressing his feelings or emotions, but you know him well enough to understand the depth of his sentiment.

The two of you spend the rest of the day together tangled in blankets to keep warm. Spencer chooses to read while you only pretend to read, your focus is stuck on Spencer for some odd reason. Your back is up against the couch's armrest which gives you a clear view of Spencer overtop the book you're "reading".

You can't help but to admire the delicate crease in between his eyes as he scans the words on the page, or appreciate the soft curl of his hair that falls to his shoulders. Of course these are all things you had noticed before, but it's like you're seeing them in a new light, like it's all new. An unfamiliar feeling blooms within you but you're unable to put a finger on it.

You're sure it's nothing more than caring for you friend. Right?

- - - - -

The first day back to the office comes sooner than you would've liked. Last night you spent the night alone in your own apartment, just like any other night, except it felt oddly empty and cold. And this morning when you woke, you had almost expected to see Spencer sitting at your dining room table with a cup of hot coffee in his hands. But instead you were met with a barren table, the sweet smell of coffee nowhere to be found.

When you reach the office building you're thankful for the distraction it offers. Everyone is in good spirits from the extended break, and even you find yourself excited to get on another case. The team congregates in the briefing room, and Spencer strolls in at the last second and takes a seat next to you like always.

You turn to greet him and notice the dark circles underneath his eyes and your heart drops to your stomach. It's only been one night alone, surely he didn't give into temptation. But to your relief, he gives you a sly head shake and a thumbs up, as if he could read your mind. Perhaps he also didn't sleep well last night.

JJ presents the case as usual, and Hotch tells the team to be wheels up in thirty. You know you'll have to review the case file on the jet, your mind was anywhere except the case and you hope that you're able to get your head in the game before the team lands and starts working the case.

- - - - -

It seems your wishes for a clear head go unanswered. The team had successfully caught the unsub, but you felt guilty because you know you were distracted the entire time. Sure, you helped out where you could and still did your job, but you know that your analyses were not as thorough as usual.

Instead of being fully dedicated to the case, you kept glancing over to Spencer every few minutes and found your thoughts seemingly to revolve around him. Sometimes he would see you looking and other times not. But when he did catch your eye, a bundle of nerves within your stomach would ignite themselves, leading you further into your mystery.

There's just no good reason for you to be reacting like that to something as simple as his gaze. It's perplexing you, a puzzle you can't quite seem to put together. Nothing had changed between you two, there's no clear reason why you would begin having these feelings.

"Meeting for drinks tonight?" Garcia walks into the bullpen as the team arrives back, in a chipper mood as always.

You wait to see how others answer, not particularly in the mood to go. You would much rather go back home in silent contemplation or maybe see if Spencer wanted company. Seeing as how bars weren't really your scene, it was common for you and Spencer to find something else to do together. Usually you two would end up agreeing to a movie or going for dinner somewhere.

"Sure." Morgan answers first, slinging his jacket over his shoulders. Emily and JJ agree as well and you watch as Penelope waltzes over to Spencer.

"How about you my favorite resident genius?" She nudges him with her shoulder. As if on instinct, he looks over to you. You know his mind is going down the same path yours is, deciding whether or not to go. To answer his silent request, you simply shrug your shoulders.

"Uh, yeah sure." He eventually answers, loosening the tie around his neck. A part of you is grateful he said yes, you know this will give you plenty of opportunities to distract your mind.

The team enters a familiar bar, providing some comfort though the environment is anything but tranquil. Everyone takes a seat around a table, chattering about the case and everything else that comes to mind.

"What's up with you tonight?" Morgan asks, nudging your arm. With a sigh, you shake your head and look at the drink swirling in your glass.

"I don't know. I guess I just feel a little off." You admit, but fall short of the whole truth. You should've known, working with profilers, that one of them was bound to pick up on your unusual behavior. Giving you a knowing nod, Morgan brings you in for a side hug,

"Happens to the best of us sometimes." He says, and you nod, knowing he's right. During your time on the team you've seen everyone experience a lull of some sort. Maybe that's what this all is, just some weird mental lull.

The rest of the night goes off without much excitement. That is, until everyone is about ready to leave. As you grab your jacket off the back of the chair you notice Morgan lean in to whisper something in Spencer's ear. You watch as their eyes flit across the bar to a woman who's staring right back at Spencer.

A nauseous feeling rises within you, but you force yourself to be quiet and watch as Spencer smiles to Morgan before crossing the bar to talk to her. In all your years of knowing Spencer, this was out of pattern behavior if you've ever seen it.

"Come on pretty girl, I think our boy is finally catching on." Morgan wraps his arms around your shoulder and guides you out of the bar. The last thing you see is the woman wrap her arms around Spencer's neck.

The walk home is so much colder and lonelier than it usually is.

- - - - -

Months later, you realize that the feelings Spencer gives you aren't going away. In fact, you think they've only become more prevalent with each brush of his fingertips and each smile he gives you. But, you've done a good job suppressing them so far for the sake of the friendship. After all, you and Spencer work closely together during cases and still keep up your routine friendship activities.

Or at least, you did up until three weeks ago.

Something happened around three weeks ago that you haven't been able to put your finger on. Spencer's been distancing himself from you little by little, but it's glaringly obvious to you. At first it was skipping a planned movie night and then it was taking a rain check for dinner at his favorite Thai place. And then during cases you'd noticed how he doesn't joke with you as much and that he almost avoids your gaze.

Sitting at your desk, you look across the bullpen and try to zone in on the conversation Spencer is having with Morgan. It seems Morgan has become Spencer's confidante of choice these days. And while you want to respect Spencer's choice, you can't help but wonder why he doesn't come to you anymore. A piece of you feels hollow without Spencer around as much as he used to be.

You considered that maybe you had simply become too attached to his presence during his detox, and that you're overthinking everything. Maybe this is all just in your head. You try to convince yourself of any other explanation, but a nagging voice in the back of your head tells you that it's something wrong with you, that he just doesn't want to share a close relationship anymore.

Later in the day, you find Morgan in the break room and decide to get some answers. As casually as you can, you join Derek in finding a snack.

"Can I ask you something?" You keep your voice quiet, and give Derek a look to let him know that this isn't one of your jokes. Standing straighter, he nods.

"Of course pretty girl." You pick at the skin around your nails before you can force yourself to say the words.

"Is Spencer okay?" You tread lightly, unsure of how much Derek is willing to give you.

"Yeah, he's fine. Why?" Derek's eyebrow quirks and you sigh, knowing you have to come clean to him or he won't let it go.

"It's just that he doesn't hang out with me much anymore and he hasn't been talking to me. We used to go out at least once a week and we always talked. I don't know if I did, or said, something." You meet Derek's eyes reluctantly but see no traces of judgment in his expression. He reaches out and puts a hand on your shoulder.

"I don't know if I'm supposed to keep this under wraps or not, but I think you deserve to know. He's been, um, putting himself out there lately." Your eyebrows scrunch together, not following what Derek is trying to say.

"Putting himself out there?" You ask for clarification but a pit of dread begins forming in your stomach. Derek licks his lips and offers you a sad smile, the pit of despair grows.

"It seems that he's becoming quite popular with the ladies." Is all Derek has to say before it sinks in. Your mouth goes dry and you suddenly lost your appetite for your snack. Pushing yourself off the countertop, you give Derek a rushed thank you before retreating back to your desk.

Spencer's sitting at his own, filling out paperwork and you can't help but to look at him in a different light. If you concentrate hard enough, you think you can see traces of bruises on his neck. They're faint enough that you wouldn't really be able to tell they're there unless you were looking for them.

Your heart hurts with the realization, you miss your friend dearly. After helping him detox you were sure that there was nothing getting between your friendship, but you guess other women seem to have won his favor.

Images of Spencer's lips on other women makes your skin crawl. This behavior just isn't like him. It's almost as if he's traded one addiction for another.

Your blood runs cold as the thought crosses your mind. In your studies of addiction during detox, you had read about addiction transference and how people who are prone to addictions can sometimes trade off. In Spencer's case it seems like he's traded the needle for sexual gratification.

While his dependence on Dilaudid was easy to pinpoint and treat, sex addiction is another beast entirely. This kind of addiction gets brushed under the rug by a lot of people, and commonly isn't seen as an issue. And truthfully, if it was anyone but Spencer, you may not have even noticed or cared. But as images of his hands on other women's bodies, his lips attached to their neck, their hands traveling his body flood your mind, you realize that you care a lot.

The realization dawns on you that you're actually feeling jealous of these faceless and nameless women.

- - - - -

Your patience is tested two weeks later, when the team is out celebrating another victory. And instead of Spencer sitting beside you or Morgan like usual, he's across the bar talking to a beautiful woman.

Through your jealousy you try to figure out when Spencer became such a social person, it's unlike the man you became friends with. Never would you have ever imagined that Spencer regularly seeks out women to spend his nights with. But here you sit, watching as he leans in and whispers something in her ear.

Your face runs hot and you tip back your glass, desperate to go numb. You had known Spencer was partaking in this lifestyle, but it's something entirely different when you're face to face with it and be forced to actually acknowledge what's happening.

"Woah that's your fourth already. You good?" Garcia asks from beside you, nursing her second drink. Ripping your gaze away from Spencer, you give Garcia a wide smile.

"Never been better." The sarcasm drips from your voice. You slip from your seat and go to the bar, your steps only slightly wobbly.

Purposely, you take a spot beside the woman Spencer's talking to, partially to eavesdrop and partially to get the bartender's attention. The woman beside you giggles insufferably at something Spencer said, causing you to tap your fingers against the bar top impatiently waiting for the bartender.

After you finally get another drink in your hand and turn to go back to the team, your eye catches Spencer's. His gemstone eyes meeting yours is enough to cause your heart to stop beating. Your lips fall apart, suddenly overwhelmed with sadness. You miss Spencer so much.

But unfortunately he doesn't keep your gaze for long, as the woman beside him runs her hands up his chest. Fighting the urge to get violent, or get sick, you give him a half-hearted smile before returning to your spot.

Perhaps you should've cherished your time with him more. Maybe you shouldn't have taken for granted your movie nights, shared dinners, or days spent underneath the same blankets. You certainly should've been more appreciative for his friendship. And now that all of that is gone you feel lost.

Drowning your sorrows with tequila, you understand that it's not just jealousy that fills you. You had actually fallen in love with your best friend. And now you're destined to watch him love other women.

You only wish it could be you.

- - - - -

"Rough night pretty boy?" Derek teases Spencer across his desk. Your eyes look over just in time to watch Spencer adjust his sweater and rub his eyes.

"Something like that." He answers, a faint blush creeping up to his cheeks. The wave of emotion that washes over you is the perfect storm of sadness, grief, and anger.

Unable to handle hearing their conversation, you abruptly get up from your desk and carry your paperwork back to Garcia's office. You know her office is like a safe haven, and truthfully, you're hoping she can brighten your dreary mood.

Knocking on her door lightly, you hear her invite you in. Like a child coming to their parents' room, you peek in before entering all the way. Screens are lit up across her desks and it looks like she's completing ten tasks at once.

"Are you busy? If this is a bad time I don't have to-"

"Nonsense, come here." She interrupts you and clears off a space for you to put your things. At least you can still count on Garcia.

You sit next to her and open the folder, half of your report already written. As you go to put pen to paper again, Penelope speaks up.

"Are you gonna tell me why you're here?" She has a knowing tone. Your pen taps against the desk a few times as you decide on what to tell her.

"I just needed a change of scenery" Your voice isn't very convincing, and you know she doesn't buy it from the look on her face.

"Okay and now the truth?" She asks, voice light yet firm. Relenting, you decide that it's not fair to yourself to keep your emotions bottled up, where they'll inevitably erupt.

"I guess it's just that, it's silly really, but I think I just miss Spencer." You attempt to downplay the severity of your feelings. But Penelope, in her typical fashion, presses you for more because she knows there's more to the story than you care to let on.

"He's right out there." She points out and you shake your head.

"Yeah but he's not him, if that makes any sense. We never hang out anymore and we rarely even talk to each other. And we used to be so close. But maybe he just outgrew me." You think out loud, fingers playing with the pen in your hand to try and distract your mind from all the racing thoughts.

"Outgrew you? Not a chance, he adores you." She says like it's a fact, but you have trouble believing it.

"Maybe he did some time ago, but he's adoring other women now. Lots of them." You can't hide the disdain in your voice. Every time you think about someone else with Spencer, it makes your blood boil. The selfish part of you wants him all to yourself, you want more shared mornings together and you crave more afternoons spent next to one another.

"Well, that may be true, but, I know him well enough to know that he still cares about you. I see the way he looks at you from across the room. Have you tried talking to him about it?" Of course Garcia would offer a logical and mature way to handle the situation. And you're thankful for her level head, because the way you want to deal with the situation involves dragging a woman by her hair out of his apartment.

"I don't even know what I would say that wouldn't make me sound like a kid who saw their friend playing with someone else at recess." You drop your pen on the desk, frustrated with your feelings. Penelope puts a hand on your shoulder, and you look up to meet her eyes.

"You've been friends for years now, I think he probably misses you too." She tells you, a soft look in her eye that lets you know she's being genuine.

"Maybe." You shrug.

"Finish your report and before you leave for the weekend talk to him." She spins around in her chair and gets back to work, allowing you to finish your report in peace.

Her words play over and over in your mind, and you realize that she has a good point. There's no way that after being friends for so long, and going through a detox together, that he just doesn't miss you either. You know Spencer well enough to know that he's a creature of habit, he likes routine; and lately he hasn't had much of one.

Feeling more like a bad friend for not checking in on him, you talk yourself into seeking him out at the end of the day. He's not responsible for your feelings, and you shouldn't have taken his actions so personally. Spencer is your friend first, and you've been neglecting your end of the friendship. Though, a voice in the back of your mind reminds you that he has as well.

Soon enough, the end of the day rolls around and you turn your report into Hotch. Thankfully Spencer is still here, collecting his things before heading out. It seems everyone else has left for the most part. With a deep breath, you swallow your pride and walk over to him.

"Hey." Your voice is meek and much weaker than you had hoped for. Startled by your presence, Spencer turns around. Your eyes meet his but trail down his neck, where there are sure signs of bruises. But this isn't about you, you try to remind yourself. This is about making sure your friend is okay.

"Hey." He greets you back, shrugging his coat over his sweater. There's an obvious tension between you two, and so you just decide to rip the bandaid off.

"Is everything okay?" You ask, making yourself keep your eyes on his face. Spencer's eyebrows crease together,

"Everything is fine, why?" He acts as if your question is coming out of left field. Finding it difficult to come out and say what you really mean, you shift your weight from foot to foot.

"It's just that we haven't really talked much lately and I just want to make sure that you're okay." You tell him truthfully.

"I'm fine." He tells you and glances down at his watch.

"Any fun weekend plans?" You ask, knowing full well that his answer could ruin your mood for the rest of the night.

"Um, yeah. I'm supposed to meet a friend tonight. But, you could come over tomorrow if you wanted to? Or we could go somewhere?" He offers, and a smile finds its way to your face.

"I'll be there tomorrow, I'll send you a text when I'm on my way." You tell him, satisfied with your plans. He gives you a quick nod before leaving the office to go meet whoever it is that he has plans with. You doubt that he even knows her name.

But you take some comfort in knowing that you'll be able to spend time with him tomorrow. And maybe, just maybe, it'll be exactly what the two of you need to smooth things out and go back to how things used to be.

- - - - -

You awake with an unusual happiness, excited to see Spencer. It's been months since the two of you actually spent any time together and you're eager to get over to his apartment to see him. Last night you had told yourself that no matter what he may be doing, that he's still one of your closest friends and that you still need to be there for him.

After picking out a nice outfit and ensuring your hair looks nice, you send him a quick text that you'll be there shortly. And of course, you never go empty handed, and so you pick up the plate of cookies you had made last night for him.

The trip over to his apartment seems to take less time than you remember, and you make your way up the stairs until you find yourself outside of his door. You knock on his door and wait for him to answer, but a minute passes and you hear no movement on the other side. Thinking that maybe he was in the bathroom or something, you wait another minute and then knock again. This time you hear movement.

The door swings open and you smile, but it quickly drops once you see who has answered the door. Her makeup is smudged on her face and she's still in the dress she probably wore last night. Feeling sickness rise in your throat, you wordlessly turn to leave.

"Hey what are you doing? Who is it?" You hear Spencer come to the door, but you don't bother to look back. You don't want him to see the tears in your eyes. You blink the blurry tears from your vision so you don't trip and make an even bigger fool of yourself, and you get halfway down the hall before Spencer is calling your name. But you act like you don't hear him.

Just before you reach the stairwell, you feel a hand on your shoulder. You stop in your tracks and a breath catches in your throat. Looking back, you see Spencer with disheveled hair and beyond him, his friend he met with last night. The sight of her in his doorway makes you shrug his hand off of you, disgusted to think about where those hands may have been just moments before you knocked on the door.

"Where are you going?" Spencer's voice is quiet, but you can hear the hurt and curiosity in his words. With a sniffle, you look from the woman back to him.

"I'm going back home, I didn't mean to interrupt your plans or whatever." You say, words cold and curt. Turning back around, you're determined to go back home, but Spencer stops you again.

"Please don't go. Come in, please." He practically begs. And as if she just got the hint, the woman leaves down the opposite end of the hall, heels in hand. You glare at her retreating figure before turning your attention back to Spencer.

"Fine." You agree and follow him back inside his apartment.

His floor is littered with the outfit he wore to work yesterday. Tie slung across the back of the couch and shirt tossed in front of the bedroom door. Nausea washes over you and you try your best to keep your facial expression neutral. The plate of cookies finds its place on his countertop and you stand with your hands in your pockets, feeling oddly out of place in an apartment that used to feel like your second home.

"I'm sorry about that, I um, I didn't see your text." Spencer closes the door behind him and walks over to you. Trying your best to appear calm and collected, you shrug.

"It's okay." You say, feeling like it's anything but.

A silence settles between the two of you and you almost regret your decision to come over. You watch as Spencer tries to quickly tidy up the place, throwing dirty clothes into his bedroom and tossing trash away. As he makes his way through his apartment you realize that you two hadn't made any real plans, just that you would come over. And while that used to mean movies and relaxing, you know that it just wouldn't feel right tonight.

"Listen, if now is a bad time we can always reschedule." You offer and go to move towards the door.

"No! No it's okay, I want you to stay." He says, throwing the last piece of garbage away. You sigh, realizing that you're probably not leaving here without some sort of confrontation.

"So how have you been? We haven't really talked in a while." You ease into conversation, hoping to coax Spencer into opening up. He rubs the back of his neck and his eyes dart around, looking anywhere but at you.

"I've been okay. And you?" The conversation feels like one between two acquaintances, not friends.

"Yeah I've been okay. Just worried about you." You somehow find the courage to tell him your true thoughts. After all, you figure you can either tell him or simmer in your own feelings.

"Worried about me? Why?" His eyebrows scrunch together. Feeling like his gaze is too intense, you look over at the counter and let your fingers trace the lines of granite.

"I know what you've been doing Spence. And it's none of my business but, don't you kind of think it might just be a trade off?" Sure, this might be out of line and too bold, but your concerns are real.

"A trade off?" He asks, taking a step closer to you. Standing firm, you nod your head.

"Spence you put down the needle and started picking up women. Just take a second and think about it Spencer." Your eyes find their way back to his. The image of the woman opening his door gives you newfound confidence.

You watch as he closes his mouth and thinks, instead of retorting right away. It's almost as if you can see the gears of his mind turning and churning the information and analyzing his actions over the past few months. After about five minutes, he looks back up at you with his mouth slightly agape.

"It's just addiction transference." He confirms what your suspicions had been for weeks now. And Spencer isn't stupid, he knows he needs to hold himself accountable, and you're thankful he is, or this conversation could've take a far more drastic turn.

You watch as his face falls and he buries his head in his hands. Your angry resolve begins to crumble, and the love you have for him reblossoms within you, washing away any other feeling. Walking over to him, you place an unsure hand on his back to try and bring him some comfort.

"It's okay." You whisper, rubbing circles on his back. With a sigh, he looks back up to you. His soft, caring eyes look into yours and you finally recognize him. This is your Spencer.

"How could I not have seen this? It's plain as day and I let myself fall into another addiction. I was doing so good while you were here and then-" He cuts himself off abruptly, as if he said something he hadn't wanted to.

"And then what Spencer?" You push him for an answer, desperately needing to know what he was going to say.

"And then you left and I felt so alone." He admits and you can almost feel your heart stop beating in your chest.

He stands back to his full height, towering over you. Your blood runs hot in your veins as you stare into Spencer's eyes, searching for an answer.

"I know I've been a really bad friend lately but, do you think we could go back to how we were?" His voice is tender and vulnerable. Your mind was already made up the second the question left his lips.

"Of course, that's what friends are for." You say, despising having to describe yourselves as friends.

But at least you have your Spencer back.

- - - - -

"Come in!" Spencer's voice carries through the door and you let yourself into his apartment.

The past two weeks have been good, albeit a little rocky between the two of you. Spencer had stopped picking up women after a few failed attempts at stopping, but you can tell that his mind is itching for another fixation.

You step into his apartment and close the door behind you, seeing Spencer already on the couch, movie ready to play. He had let you pick out the movie this time, which is a rare occurrence but you didn't question it.

Sitting beside him, you relish in the familiar smell of the blankets. One of your demands is that he wash all of them before tonight, and he happily agreed. With a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table in front of you, you snuggle underneath your blanket and watch the movie, but you can almost guarantee that you'll fall asleep before the end.

The movie is about halfway over when Spencer spills his drink on his blanket. He balled it up and threw it in the washer to deal with later, and as he resumed his spot on the couch, you offered half of your blanket.

Scooting closer, you gave him a generous share of your blanket, and you don't miss the way his hand rests on your knee. Suddenly your attention is no longer on the movie.

He keeps his hand on your knee, until he slides it up your thigh. Breath catches in your throat and you glance at him from the corner of your eye. He's still watching the movie, he probably doesn't even realize what he's done.

Spencer's thumb lazily draws shapes on your skin, causing you to shiver. He must've noticed, because you can swear a grin spreads across his face. His hand dares to go a little higher, and this time you're able to find your voice.

"What are you doing?" You keep your voice soft. Spencer doesn't miss a beat, and he licks his lips before answering.

"I'm just watching the movie." He answers with faux innocence. Not buying his explanation, you cock an eyebrow.

"Spencer." You say, urging him to tell the truth. A part of you is worried that he's unable to help himself and is just trying to satiate his need for satisfaction.

"I'm not allowed to love on my friend?" His voice is raspy, eyes dark in the dim light.

"You can, I just, you never do this to me." You stumble over your words, the feeling of his warm hand on your skin making your brain short circuit.

Without another word, he pulls you closer to him. Your shoulders are touching, faces inches apart. With this proximity, you're sure he can hear your heartbeat.

"It's nice having you here. It doesn't feel right when you leave, it feels empty." He whispers, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. His fingertips graze your neck and you shudder.

"I miss being here all the time with you." You admit, feeling particularly vulnerable. The way he looks at you is almost enough to make you melt.

"Then stay." He says, hand coming up your arm and resting on your cheek.

"What are you doing?" You ask again, brain foggy from his touch.

"You want to know something?" He keeps his voice deep, and you nod silently.

"All of those women had one thing in common." He says and almost causes you to retract from his hold. But he follows up quickly, sensing your aversion to the topic.

"They all looked like you. But, none of them could ever begin to compare. I was searching for you in each one of them but came up short each time." You're breathless with his confession, and you allow your hands to reach up and rest on his shoulders, begging him to stay close.

"Why didn't you tell me?" You ask, keenly aware that your noses are almost touching. Spencer's eyes flick from your eyes to your lips,

"Because I didn't want to lose you. I couldn't live without you in my life, and if you didn't feel the same way then our friendship would've been in disrepair." He says and it's ridiculous to you, the thought that you didn't feel the same.

"I watched you with those other women and wished it was me. I wished you would've said yes to me, not them." You come clean, one hand trailing up to the side of Spencer's neck. This time it's his turn to shiver.

"Having you would be like having a piece of heaven." He says, and before you know it, his lips are on yours.

The two of you are warm from the blanket and from burning desire. His hand keeps you close and you grab onto the front of his shirt. Spencer kisses you with a hot need, his lips desperate to know yours intimately.

One of your hands releases his shirt and tangles in his curly hair. The brown curls still as soft as you remember.

Spencer's lips leave yours and start placing wet kisses on your cheek, to your jaw, before landing on your neck. You gasp with pleasure, eyes fluttering shut.

"Just like heaven." He mutters against your skin before finding your lips again.

When he pulls away, you can feel your swollen, wet lips and your warm cheeks. Spencer looks equally as flustered, but it's the most alluring thing you've ever seen.

Resting his forehead against yours, he takes your hands into his own. This time they're free of tremors, they're warm and inviting.

"This is me saying yes to you, if you'll have me. I've realized that nothing, and nobody, will ever be able to satisfy my heart the way you do." He states, pulling back to watch your reaction.

Squeezing his hands, you nod,

"You don't know how long I've been waiting for you. I've had my eye on you since day one." You admit, leaning in for another kiss.

Spencer wraps his arms around your waist, keeping you pressed flush against him. Your fingers find their way into his curly, and now disheveled hair, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

The feeling of his lips on your skin is indescribable, each kiss lights your love on fire.

- - - - -

Morning rolls around, sunshine breaking through the curtain in Spencer's bedroom. You roll over to face him, eyes heavy with sleep and love.

Your eyes are met with his, and as you take in his beauty you think you can see the hollowness in his eyes begin to fade. A small smile finds its way to your face as you reach out and run your thumb over his cheekbone.

"What are you smiling about?" He asks with a grin on his own face.

"Nothing, I'm just proud of how far you've come." You say, gingerly caressing his face. He hums with contentment, leaning in to kiss your forehead.

"I'd be nowhere without you." You can feel the authenticity in his words, and you know he never had to thank you for anything. You bury you head into Spencer's chest and take in his warmth, appreciating the moment with him.

Being held in his arms, you know that you would do everything over again and again if it meant that Spencer found a piece of himself again, that he's been able to heal from the damage Tobias inflicted upon him. You told him you'd be there for him every step of the way, and those words have never been more true.

You're glad you kept your eye on Spencer Reid.

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purple-scarf-mistress · 5 months

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Are you alright, honey? You've barely put your blorbo in situations

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purple-scarf-mistress · 5 months

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I didn't know where else to go

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x GN!reader Summary: When nothing else makes sense, when there seems to be no place on earth you'd feel wanted, you know in one man's arms, you will always be accepted. Warning: Hurt/Comfort. Sings of anxiety and depression. A/N: I wrote this in like the last 30 minutes, very raw and unedited. Just from my soul.

MASTERLIST

It’s way past midnight, it must be. It was almost 11pm when you finally made it to bed, only to find yourself tossing and turning restlessly. Nothing felt right. Anxiety running in your veins and blurring your mind.

Every day feels the same, nothing new, nothing exciting. Just gray and cold, going on with your life on autopilot. Work, home, sleep and repeat. You feel so alone, the world moving on without you. Your friends, living their own lives and dreams, not giving you any time of their days. At least you still think of them as your friends, even if they keep proving to you why you shouldn’t.

You’re not used to asking for help, you’re used to being the one people lean towards. You’re the one people come to when they need to talk, let out some steam, vent or cry. But being on the other side of that, it’s so strange and hard for you. You feel like a burden, like you don’t deserve the help.

A lot of people have gone out their ways to tell you exactly that: you expect too much from others when you’re the one to struggle. No matter how they have promised to support you the same way you’ve supported them during hard times. Somehow, they all turn against you once you need someone to talk to. Telling you that you’re too needy and there’s a lot of people out there that have it worse.

So you’ve kept it all inside. You’ve always been good at it. That’s what you’ve always done. You’ve never meant to bother anyone with you problems and if you push them down, they can’t hurt anyone else, can they? If they hurt you, it doesn’t matter, right?

But tonight, the lump in your throat was too much. The pain in your eyes got too heavy and the skin you’re in doesn’t feel like it belongs to you at all. Everything feels distant and strange, leaving you breathless. Your heart’s racing, hands tingling and nothing clear inside of your head. It felt almost empty.

It was scary.

Somehow, the next thing you know is that you’re out of your house. Nothing else with you but your keys and phone, both in your hands as you run down the street. Steps echoing the empty streets as you ran. Your breath was labored, but you didn’t care, you kept going.

The street lights were on, shining a yellow, almost orange light down on the street. It was so quiet, normally it would make you afraid, but with your pace, you didn’t have time nor room for fear anymore.

The hood of your hoodie bouncing at your back, sneakers softening your steps as you run. Your brain isn’t fully even comprehending your destination, until you arrive at it just minutes later. You see a small front yard of a modern apartment building. You open the gate and enter the yard you’ve been in many times. Jump up the stairs you’ve had many conversations on at these small hours of the night.

As you’re about to press the familiar buzzer, you see a woman walking towards you, inside the hallway, about to exit the house. You smile at her, you’ve seen her a couple of times and she seems to recognize you too. As she exits, she holds the door open for you, letting you inside.

You’re so grateful for her.

You lead up to the second floor and stop on the door where you’ve stood many times before. Sometimes, you’d have a book with you, or a present for the little boy that you know lives inside of the apartment. Sometimes you’d have coffee with you, sometimes wine, depending on the time and reason for your visit.

What did you bring this time? You didn’t have anything. Just an uneasy feeling, anxiety and pain.

You knock on the door and a wave of regret takes over. It makes you hope you didn’t knock hard enough, waking up the residents of the apartment. You take a step back, trying to talk yourself out of the house. It would be better if you’d just leave. Don’t bother his night. But your legs refuse to listen, having a mind of their own.

Your heart sinks as you hear steps behind the door you’ve knocked. Was it relief? Or fear? Maybe both, you were unsure. You hear the lock turning and the white door in front of you opens slowly.

A tall man stood by it, a puzzled look in his tired eyes. His hair was a mess, going in all directions. He has a big t-shirt covering his torso and soft looking pajama pants warming his long legs. Once he fully registers who’s standing at his door at this time, he smiles at you but you see concern pooling in his eyes. “Hey. What are you doing here?” he asks softly. You try to come up with an apology, but no words leave your mouth. “Are you alright?” he takes a step towards you, he if someone’s able to read the pain in your eyes.

“Aaron” you begin, voice trembling. It was enough for the man to pull you into a hug. Soothingly he runs his big hands along your spine and you reach to rest your chin on his shoulder. As you’ve done many, many times before. Yet it never gets old.

He’s warm and the size of him makes you feel even smaller than you already felt. But he didn’t make you feel insignificant, it made you feel noticed and loved. It made you feel appreciated. He made you feel like for a moment, breathing would be a little bit easier. “I’m right here” he whispers in your hair, not making a single effort to part from the embrace.

He knew how much you needed to feel someone close to you at that moment.

“I didn’t know where else to go” you sob to his shoulder.

He squeezes you just a tiny bit tighter, before he parts. Just enough to look you in your eyes. With his thumb, he wipes one the tears rolling down your cheek. It’s a sign of him taking a little bit of the weight on your shoulders, on his own. He helps you inside of the apartment, away from the cold hallway.

As the door closes behind you, you can’t keep yourself together anymore and you crumble down, the weight of the world crushing you beneath it. You fall down and you feel your anxiety and exhaustion taking over. Leaning your back on the now closed front door, you sob into your hands, covering your face.

He doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t need to. His presence is all you need right now. He takes a seat next to you and wraps his arms around you, pulling you close to his chest. His fingers sooth your hair, gently holding you against his broad chest. You hear his heart beating, a soft rhythm inside his chest, bringing you slowly back to reality.

“I didn’t know where else to go” you repeat, it’s the only thing that makes sense right now. When everything else seems uncertain, you know in his arms there’s always a place for you. Even when nothing else makes sense. He continues to hold you, for as long as you need and you know that it will never change. He doesn’t have to say it, he’s shown it to you with his actions so many times.

There’s a place for you, too.

Taglist: @ssahotchsbitch @mayasreadingnook @rousethemouse @averyhotchner @ssamorganhotchner @kajjaka @reidsbookmark ( mention or message me if you want to be added)

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purple-scarf-mistress · 7 months

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Prompts for AI-less Whumptober 2023

It’s finally time! These are your official prompts for AI-less Whumptober 2023! We have 31 days of wonderful whump prompts. Each day has a set of 3 different prompts to choose from! Alternative prompts will be posted under the cut.

Happy whumping!

Here are the alternative prompts for AI-less Whumptober 2023! There is one alternative prompt for every day in October.

AI-less Whumptober 2023

Drugging / sick / poisoned

Overworked / insomnia / Exhaustion

Sensory deprivation / overstimulation / isolation

Hiding an injury / betrayal / lying

Hostage / kidnapping / Held at gunpoint

Conditioning / mind control / forced to hurt someone else

Flatline / Restrained / CPR

Panic attacks / Dissociation / Seizure

Scar reveal / Interrogation / Presumed dead

Branding / Scarring / collar

Fainting / Paralyzed / Adrenaline

Self harm / Sacrifice / Character death

Earthquake / Flood / Crushed

Bleeding through the bandage / Field medicine / no anesthesia

Experimentation / Muzzle / transformation

Amputation/ chronic pain / Hospital

Hypothermia / heat stroke / “You look a little pale”

Fever / vomiting / Warm soup

Taken for granted/ Left behind/ “Why wasn’t I enough?”

Dehumanization/ Stockholm Syndrome/ Master and servant

Blood loss / shock / Near death experience

Whipping / Punishment / Stress position

Begging / “Take me instead” / Forced to watch

Failed escape / hunted down / Too exhausted to keep running

Nightmares / Flashback / “Why didn’t you save me?”

Magical exhaustion or injury / Curse / Came back wrong

Forgotten/ Locked away/ Immortal Whumpee

Hair pulling / Oxygen Deprivation / Sweating

“The easy way or the hard way?” / Bargaining / Forced to choose

Possession / Mind Games / Coma

PTSD / Headaches / Crying Here are the alternative prompts for AI-less Whumptober 2023! There is one alternative prompt for every day in October.

Bloody knuckles

Gunshot wound

Separated from loved ones

Drowning

Blackmail

Crying to sleep

Disowned by family

Electrocution

Forced feeding

Bullied

Suffocation

Abandoned

Grief

Human Shield

Self-defense

Lab rat

Memory loss

Misunderstanding

Hypnosis

Mutilation

Mouth stitched shut

Nerve damage

Nervous breakdown

Words carved into skin

Stalked

Non-Consensual touching

Paranoia

Peer pressure

Prison

Silent treatment

Truth serum

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purple-scarf-mistress · 7 months

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Whumptober 2023

Welcome to Whumptober 2023 — the sixth year running!

To those of you who participated last year, welcome back! To everyone joining this year, welcome!

Please make sure to read the Event Info carefully, as most of your questions will be answered there already. For everything else, you are welcome to come to our ask box or ask questions in our Discord server here.

This year’s AO3 Collection can be found here.

And this years playlist can be found here.

There are 139 prompt options in total this year - this is including the alternatives list! A special thanks goes out to those who took part in our trope vote back in July. From the 1526 responses to our list of 223 tropes, we looked through the popularity results, as well as your honourable mentions, and were able to produce this years prompts list. Stay tuned, as we will be posting some of the results at a later date!

We’re very excited to see the community come together once more and be a wild, chaotic bunch of creators and consumers of whump. Go wild with the prompts, and support your fellow creators - we wish you all the fun!

Best of luck and happy whumping,

Mods Vanne, Yenn, Kitty and Surro

(All 31 Themes + Prompts, Event Information and FAQs are posted below the cut!)

Whumptober 2023 Prompt List

No. 1: “But now this room is spinning while I’m trying just to fill in all the gaps.”

Safety Net | Swooning | “How many fingers am I holding up?”

No. 2: “I’ll call out your name, but you won’t call back.”

Thermometer | Delirium | “They don't care about you.”

No. 3: “Like crying out in empty rooms; with no-one there except the moon.”

Journal | Solitary Confinement | “Make it stop.”

No. 4: “I see the danger, It’s written there in your eyes.”

Cattle Prod | Shock | “You in there?”

No. 5: “You better pray I don't get up this time around.”

Debris | Pinned Down | “It's broken.”

No. 6: “Do or die, you’ll never make me; Because the world will never take my heart.”

Recording | Made to Watch | “It should have been me.”

No. 7: " “I paced around for hours on empty; I jumped at the slightest of sounds.”

Alleyway | Radio Silence | “Can you hear me?”

No. 8: “I’ve got soul, but I’m not a soldier.”

Overcrowded ER | Outnumbered | “It’s all for nothing.”

No. 9: “Learning everything ain't what it seems, that's the thing about these days.”

Polaroid | Mistaken Identity | “You're a liar.”

No. 10: “Can’t you see that you’re lost without me?”

Broken Phone | Stranded | “You said you'd never leave.”

No. 11: “All the lights going dark and my hope’s destroyed.”

Animal trap | Captivity | “No one will find you.”

No. 12: “I haven't slept in days but who's counting?”

Red | Insomnia | “I’m up, I’m up.”

No. 13: “It comes and goes like the strength in your bones.”

Cold Compress | Infection | “I don’t feel so good.”

No. 14: “Feed me poison, fill me ‘till I drown.”

Flare | Water Inhalation | “Just hold on.”

No. 15: “I don't need you to help me I can handle things myself.”

Makeshift Bandages | Suppressed Suffering | “I’m fine.”

No. 16: “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”

Gurney | Flatline | “Don’t go where I can’t follow.”

No. 17: “You’re the lump in my throat and the knot in my chest.”

Collar | Touch Aversion | “Leave me alone.”

No. 18: “I tend to deflect when I’m feeling threatened.”

Blindfold | Tortured For Information | “Hit them harder.”

No. 19: “I’ll take one final step, all you have to do is make me.”

Floral Bouquet | Psychological | “I’m not as stupid as you think I am.”

No. 20: “People don’t change people, time does.”

Blanket | Found Family | “You will regret touching them.”

No. 21: “See the chains around my feet.”

Vows | Restraints | “Don't move.”

No. 22: “They never saw us coming, ‘til they hit the floor.”

Glass Shard | Vehicular Accident | “Watch out!”

No. 23: “It’s gonna get me by the end of the night.”

Shadows | Stalking | “Who’s there?”

No. 24: “I’ve got a head full of chemicals; mouth full of ridicule.”

Goodbye Note | Neglect | “I thought they were with you.”

No. 25: “You’re not delivering a perfect body to the grave.”

Storm | Buried Alive | “They’re not breathing!”

No. 26: “Sometimes I get so tired; I don’t even know myself.”

Seeing Double | Working To Exhaustion | “You look awful.”

No. 27: “You drew stars around my scars; But now I’m bleeding.”

Matches | Scars | “Let me see”

No. 28: “We might not make it to the morning; so go on and tell me now.”

Bloody Knife | Sacrifice | “You'll have to go through me.”

No. 29: “I only sink deeper the deeper I think.”

Scented Candle | Troubled Past Resurfacing | “What happened to me?”

No. 30: “It’s okay, just to say, ‘I’m not okay’.”

Borrowed Clothing | Bridal Carry | “Not much longer...”

No. 31: “I thought that I was getting better.”

Emptiness | Setbacks | “Take it easy.”

Alternatives List:

Betrayal

Aftermath of Failure

Brass Knuckles

Decoy

Body Modification

Playing Cards

Examination

Hunting

Drugging

Shaking

Panic

Broken

Miscommunication

Lab Rat

Reluctant Whumper

Event Info & Rules

~ Please read our extensive event info posts before sending us an ask ~

WHUMPTOBER is a month-long, prompt-based creation challenge (think: Inktober, but whumpier). There are 31 official themes this year - one for each day of the month - which can be used, skipped, or combined in any way you’d like. The 'theme' of each day is the line of lyrics.

The prompts are merely to serve as inspiration without being taken literally (e.g. you don’t have to include the exact wording of prompts into your work). Feel free to run rampant on interpretation. For example, if the prompt is "flame", you could create something with reference to a candle/campfire, your character could have suffered a burn, or the flame could be related to the 'spark' of a relationship. It's truly up to you!

In total, there are 4 prompts for each day: there's lyrics, an object, a trope and a line of dialogue to choose from. We want to give everyone as much creative freedom as possible, as well as increase event accessibility for folks with triggers and squicks.

Creators can PRODUCE work in any media they choose, including but not limited to: writing, visual artwork, photo/video/audio edits, paper crafts and elaborate recommendation lists (not just a list of links). Creators can PARTICIPATE as much or as little as they want (i.e. you don’t have to do ALL the prompts if you don’t want to) and prompts can be used in any order. They are also free to use even after the event ends.

When uploading Whumptober content to your blog, be sure to tag the with:

#whumptober2023 …..(the event tag)

#no.1, #no.2, #no.3, …..(day number)

#lyric, #bruises, #stabbing, …..(the theme or specific prompt you chose)

#fandom or #OC, … (ironman, originalcontent, oc …)

#medium …..(gifs, fic, podcast, art, etc.)

#teeth, #gore tw, #etc …..(trigger warnings & any additional tags. Add "tw" AFTER the trigger/content warning. )

#nsfwhump …..(only for nsfw content)

#your own tags go here

PLEASE BE DILIGENT WITH YOUR TAGGING. Only properly tagged posts are considered for archiving on the official @whumptober-archive blog. They must be tagged in the order above. An elaborate post about our tagging system can be found [here]

Unfortunately, due to the sheer number of participants in recent years, we cannot guarantee your work will be archived. A random selection of properly tagged posts from all genres will be reblogged each day.

Whumpers who produce content for 31 total theme days are considered event completionists and will be tagged in a masterpost at the end of the month. A form will be published at the beginning of November asking you to tell us if you completed the event. You do not need to post anything you have created, we rely on trust and we will not check this.

Questions not addressed in one of our many event info posts can be directed to this blog. We will not answer any questions that have been answered in the FAQs or rules already.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q. How does this year’s prompt list work? What do I have to choose?

You can create something based on:

The overall theme/lyric of the day

Prompt 1, 2 or 3

One or several of the alternative prompts

A combination of the above

Q. Is [specific anything] allowed?

When in doubt: JUST DO IT!

Q. Do I have to do all 31 days?

Participate as much or little as you like! Just be sure to tag your posts properly (ex. #no.7, #radio silence). If you create works for 31 total theme days you will become a completionist. But apart from that, there are no repercussions if you don’t fill prompts for each day.

Q. Can I post early/late?

Yes, you can post whenever you want. We will only reblog posts during October, but you can use our prompts all year round. The day you post will only affect your probability of being reblogged.

Q. Will you reblog my post?

Due to the sheer number of content posted during Whumptober we can’t promise to reblog every single post. We will make a random selection trying to capture a wide variety of content. The following will increase your chances at being reblogged:

tag your post properly

post within 2-3 days of the theme you want to fill: if you fill the prompt for Day 1 your chances of being reblogged during October 1st to 3rd are highest and will go towards zero afterwards.

Q. What if I don’t understand a prompt/theme?

Send us an ask! We’re happy to help with wild, unhelpful clarifications or brainstorming. That being said, the themes are entirely up for interpretation. Don’t take them too literally. For example: You can be choking on a cherry, someone else can choke you or you could be choked up on emotions, etc.

Q. What kind of content can I make? Can it be NSFW?

This is a MIXED MEDIA event! You can write fic, post meta, doodle or paint, create a gifset or photo edit, link a song, or get crafty with video - anything goes. As for NSFW, make what you like, we just hope that you’ll tag your work accordingly so that others participating in the event can stay safe.

Q. Can I combine Whumptober with other creation challenges?

Absolutely, as long as the other challenges allow it too.

Q. Can I upload/repost my Whumptober content to other social media platforms?

Of course! You can post your own content wherever you like (or you can opt to not publish it at all). Additionally we’ve created an AO3 Collection to archive any fics posted there. It can be accessed here. The tumblr blog @whumptober-archive is the official archive, so please respect the boundaries of any closeted whumpers in your social circle.

Q. Can I use prompts to write a new chapter for an existing fic?

Yes.

Q. An existing fic I am currently writing contains many of the Whumptober prompts, can I use it?

If you are actively writing this fic at the moment with the Whumptober prompts in mind, yes. If you’ve previously posted something that checks the boxes, we ask that you not include it retroactively for this current year. You can, however, add new chapters relating to one or more of the prompts.

Q. What kind of characters can I write for?

Fandom characters, OC characters, human, furry, alien, cyborg, RPF, whoever you like. You can use the generic “whumpee” character or have specific ones.

Q. Does it have to take place in a specific fandom?

No, you can create works for your own worlds or for fandoms or for both. You can also create more generic or pan-fandom works. You can do cross-overs or use OCs, whatever you want.

Q. Can I use a prompt multiple times?

Yes, but it only counts once towards being a completionist.

Q. If I’m not comfortable with one day’s prompts can I use a prompt of a different day as a substitute and still be a completionist?

No, you can’t exchange prompts for different days. However, if all four prompts of a specific day make you uncomfortable, we have created an alternate prompts list that you can draw from. You can exchange any prompt with these, but please make sure not to use them twice.

Q. Where can I post my work?

Post where and how you want. You don’t have to (cross)post it to Tumblr or at all. Just keep in mind if it’s not on Tumblr we will not be able to add it to the blog archive.

Q. Can I start posting early?

You can, but this is an October event and wouldn’t it be more fun with everyone doing it at the same time? That being said, you can post early, but we won’t be reblogging any work predating October 1st.

Q. Do I have to finish a fic I started/can I post WIP’s?

Yes you can post WIPs. And you’re not obligated to finish it in October for it to count towards being a completionist.

Q. Is co-writing allowed?

Yes, absolutely, and it would count towards being a completionist for both/all of you.

Q. Do I have to create 31 standalone pieces to be considered a completionist or can I write one continuous story?

One continuous story is fine. The challenge is to write something for 31 prompts. If that’s spread over 31 fics or just one, you are still considered a completionist. (The same goes for every other media you choose.)

Q. Is there a min/max limit on word count?

There is no limit.

Q. Can I combine prompts? Is there a limit on how many?

No limit and combine as many as you’d like.

Q. Is a hc/angst/emotional whump focus ok?

Of course! We are not going to establish a threshold for whumpiness. If you think it’s whumpy enough, then it’s whumpy enough. It can be physical, psychological, emotional, or any combination of the three.

Q. What’s considered nsfw?

See this post

Q. What is whump?

Typically the genre includes situations where a fictional character is hurt, be it emotionally, psychologically, or physically. Fanlore provides information here.

Q. My interpretation of the prompt isn’t whumpy at all, does that count?

If you don’t think your interpretation is whumpy, then it doesn’t count for Whumptober. Remember that whump comes in many forms, though, and that we don’t have a whump-checker or a threshold for how much whump needs to be included. If you think your interpretation contains enough whump to count, then it does.

Q. Can I start working on the prompts before October?

Absolutely! That’s why we post the prompts a month in advance. We recognise how difficult it can be creating for 31 days in “real time” so feel free to start creating early!

Q. How do I tag triggers?

tw at the end of the word, ex. #gore tw

Q. Do I have to use your tags?

Yes, if you want your work archived on the blog. If not, feel free to use whatever tags you want.

Q. Does combining prompts count towards completion?

Yes

Q. Can we @ you?

Yes but we mostly rely on the #whumptober2023 tag.

Q. Is there anything we are absolutely not allowed to write?

There are no rules, but please make sure to properly tag your trigger warnings. And keep in mind Tumblr’s policies if you are posting it here (or the policies for whatever site you use).

Q. Where can I go for brainstorming help?

Here on Discord or come into our ask box.

Q. My characters are minors, is that ok?

Yes, but as with everything else, use clear and descriptive tags.

Q. Can I cross post on other blogs?

Yes, multiple platforms and blogs are perfectly acceptable. You can also post different works to different accounts under different names, without posting them everywhere at once.

Note: This is a creation challenge, please don’t repost your old work under our tags (unless it’s been changed or edited for the event).

Thanks for reading, and happy whumping!

7K notes · View notes

purple-scarf-mistress · 7 months

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FlightlessAngelWings Kinkotber 2023 Prompt List!

Here it is, the Kinktober Prompt List!!

Compiled by myself and edited/peer reviewed/approved by my bestie @the-purity-pen who had made fantastic prompt lists in the past (and who also made the beautiful graphics for me)!! This list has a little bit of everything from more vanilla to more hardcore prompts so there’s a little something for everyone, or to branch out and try something new if you feel like it!

Write fics, make art, graphics, gifs, moodboards, whatever your heart desires!! Any type of creations are welcome too: reader insert, oc, ships, original works, anything!

Have fun and be creative!!

Below the cut are 31 days of prompts for the month of October! Each day has 3 choices with a free space day on the 31st!

Because of the nature of the event, this is 18+ ONLY! Minors interacting or participating will be blocked!

Please tag me @flightlessangelwings and use the hastag #fawktober2023 and I’ll share your works!

Please use proper warnings in your posts with this event as some of the prompts may not be for everyone. And if you’re doing a reader insert, please work to be inclusive of your writing/art!

No kinkshaming please! I made this list to be varied so there may be things on here you hate. That’s ok! There’s things here that even I don’t like but I designed it that way so there’s something for everyone! But that’s also why tags and warnings are so important!!

Reblog this post so others and find this list and to share the fun!! And don’t forget to reblog other people’s work too throughout October and support each other!!

If none of the prompts for the day speak to you, feel free to pull from another day if you want! Don’t feel pressured at all! Have fun with it!!

List under the cut in graphic and text format!

Banner free to use for your posts with credit to @the-purity-pen 💖

Both dividers by the lovely @saradika ❤️

Keep reading

836 notes · View notes

purple-scarf-mistress · 8 months

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porn star dancing - spencer reid x fem!bau reader (pt. two)

❥ song: porn star dancing - my darkest days

❥ prompt: spencer is cleared to return to the field a month after getting out of prison. but he hasn’t been the same since he came back. reader is devastated that her best friend (and secret love of her life) has turned against her. a case forces reader to go undercover as a stripper, causing some long awaited sexual tension between the pair.

❥ warnings: smut 18+ mdni, violence, mentions of a made up bau case, soft dom!spencer, sub!reader, oral (female receiving), fingering, multiple orgasms, unprotected penetrative sex, riding, spencer’s pov (let me know if i missed any!)

❥ type: smut

a/n: this will be posted to my AO3 later on. i’m not feeling super confident about this part as this is my first time writing smut from the male pov, but i hope you guys like it! please like, reblog and comment if you enjoyed! 💕

part one.

･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆

Your body's lighting up the room,

Now I want a naughty girl like you.

There's nothing hotter than that…

♡ Spencer's POV ♡

I hated this plan, with every inch of my being. It was reckless, and it could get y/n hurt. But I also knew it was our best bet at catching this bastard. So I didn't argue, despite every cell in my body screaming at me to get her out of there. I watched the screen intently, Alvez and Prentiss on either side of me. I could feel my fists clenching the more I watched, the male ripping the soft silk from her skin. Every movement had me on high alert, ready to bust in that room any second.

"She's doing great Reid. I honestly didn't know she had all of that in her."

I rolled my eyes at our unit chief, I knew she could do it. That wasn't my issue, I just didn't want her to. Going undercover always had its risks. Which is why I said what I did earlier, it wasn't meant to hurt her. I was just trying to look out for her, even if it meant she hated me for it. There was a reason I was keeping my distance, so easily lashing out at her. Even though it pained me to be so close to her, yet so far at the same time. When I had gotten out of prison it felt as though she had replaced me with Alvez. They were always together, on the jet… on other cases. It was hard for me to watch. I let jealousy, an emotion I had never really felt before overcome me.

I was still reeling with emotions from my prison time, and these feelings of betrayal only grew once I’d returned. But what hurt the most was that she never visited me or tried to call while I was locked up, I felt completely abandoned. So I ignored her, trying to make her feel what I felt for all those months I was locked away. It was stupid and childish, but I couldn't take it back now. As much as this current situation scared the hell out of me, I was glad everything happened how it did. When she walked out on that stage in basically nothing.... I knew I couldn't do it anymore. She ruined me in the best way possible. I couldn’t let her walk away from me again.

That was part of her plan all along I realized now, the sneaky little minx. I can still feel her soft skin under my fingertips, hear her whimpering just for me. Feeling her grind on my lap and seeing her dance for me was the hottest thing I've ever witnessed. Having an eidetic memory could be a blessing and a curse. But knowing I could replay those images of her over and over again… it was definitely a blessing. However, watching her do that to another man... especially considering the kind of man he was, made my blood boil. But knowing she wanted me, made it a little easier. It happened so fast, I barely caught the movement. She was sitting on his lap, facing away from him just as she had done to me earlier. His hands no longer roaming her figure, but pressing a knife to her throat. The fear on her face nearly stopped my heart. I shot up from my seat so quickly I nearly took out my fellow agents in my rush. This needed to end now.

"Reid hold on. Not yet."

Prentiss grabbed my wrist, and I looked at her with such malice she almost let me go. Almost.

"He doesn't know she's an agent, just listen."

I stopped, even though it took everything in me not to bust through that door and rip his head off.

"Shhh, we're just gonna for a ride yeah? No need to be scared sugar. We're just gonna have some fun."

He moves the knife so it’s pressed against her back, ushering her to the door she came through only minutes before. This was how he got them out without any witnesses. That back hallway wasn't nearly as trafficked as the rest of the club. I couldn't hear them over the sound of the music in the rooms, but I couldn't wait any longer. I quietly opened the door of room 4, peaking my head out. They had just passed room 2... and we're getting closer to the emergency exit. I drew my gun from my hip, thankful that the music would drown out our approach. Prentiss and Alvez were hot on my heels, as I kept the gun trained on the piece of shit in front of me. However I couldn't just shoot him, not with her so close. As the emergency door opened and he began pushing her outside, I finally reached them. Grabbing a fistful of the guys jacket and yanking him back towards me. He stumbled back in surprise, removing his grip from her in his stupor.

"Jarek Martin — FBI. You are under arrest for the murders of —"

Before I could finish my sentence he lunges at me, quickly ducking out of the way of his knife with ease. It was almost a second nature to me now. I take his head and slam it into the wall, twisting his hands behind his back with more force than necessary. Blood was running down his face where I had clearly broken his nose, but it didn’t faze me. Grabbing my cuffs out, I locked them onto his wrists as he continued to struggle against my hold. Alvez takes over for me, nodding in her direction before continuing to read him his Miranda rights. I'm quick to turn back around, the sight of her making my heart stutter. Prentiss follows behind Alvez as well, but not before ordering me to get her back to the motel. Leaving the two of us alone in the dimly lit hallway.

I can see she's shaking, clearly feeling exposed and vulnerable after what had just transpired. I immediately rush over to her, shrugging off my FBI jacket and wrapping it around her shoulders. She welcomes the coverage, quickly slipping her arms through the too long sleeves and zipping up the front. She looks like an absolute goddess, while the jacket was still too big for her, it also didn’t leave much to the imagination. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, now pressing a kiss to her temple as she buries her face in my chest. I hold her in my arms for a moment, letting her calm down before rushing her away.

"Let's get you out of here, baby."

I don't let her reply before I'm picking her up bridal style, but her small giggle told me she didn't mind in the slightest. She rests her head against my shoulder as I carried her out to one of the waiting SUV's. Setting her in the front seat, clicking her seatbelt in place. I push some hair out of her face, coaxing her to look at me once more.

“Are you okay?”

She nods, a small smile on her lips. I stood planted in place, scanning her face for any trace of fear or anxiety. I knew her too well, knowing her tell tale signs of deception or distress. Y/n would pick at her fingernails when she was upset or nervous. She also wouldn’t make eye contact when she was lying, usually biting the inside of her cheeks. We had all agreed not to profile each other, but that was easier said than done sometimes. Especially in cases like this.

“Take me back to the motel Reid. I promise I’m fine.”

I was satisfied with her answer as she held my gaze, her hands folded neatly in her lap. I closed the passenger door before jogging around and getting in the driver's seat. Clicking my own seatbelt into place, I pull out onto the main road, heading back towards our motel. I rested my hand on her knee, initially it was an innocent gesture. Just to offer her some form of comfort, knowing how much my touch had helped her in the past. After a bad case she was usually curled up against my side on the flight home, clutching my hands tightly in her own. But feeling her thighs clench together I knew my actions weren’t exactly offering her comfort in this moment. I licked my lips, letting my hand drift a little higher up the supple flesh of her thigh.

"S-Spence."

Her whimpering only encouraged me more, until I was cupping her clothed heat with a groan. I could feel how wet she was already, knowing damn well she would leave a mess on the seat at this rate. I couldn’t help the pride from swirling through my chest, knowing a seemingly innocent touch could get her this turned on.

"You’re so wet for me and I've barely touched you love.”

Glancing over at her I could see her cheeks were flushed, chest rising and falling quickly. I moved her panties to the side, slipping my hand inside with a groan. She was so warm, gently rubbing my fingers through her wet folds as I pushed my foot harder on the gas pedal. Once the motel lights came into view, I withdrew my hand from her, slipping my fingers past my lips. A small cry left her own, as I sucked her arousal off my fingers. God she would be the death of me.

"Patience is a virtue pretty girl."

I pull into a spot in front of my room, putting the car into park, my eyes now turning to her. Her chest was heaving, y/e/c eyes staring up at me eagerly. If I didn't get her in that room soon, I would've taken her in the backseat. But I wanted to enjoy all she had to offer without the risk of getting caught. I get out, slamming the door and walking around the side of the car before she barely gets the door open. I pick her up, her legs instantly wrapping around my body to hold herself up.

"Where do you think you're taking me Dr. Reid?"

She giggles, the sound making my heart flutter and her use of my title making my pants grow tighter. God I loved this woman. I carried her over to my room, pausing as I searched for the keys. Unlocking my motel room door, my lips grazing her ear just as she had done to me earlier this evening.

"You've been a naughty girl… need to teach you a lesson for teasing me."

We were now past the threshold and I was slamming her back into the door, locking our lips together just as aggressively as we'd done before. Her fingers found their way back into my hair once more, the tugging making me moan into her mouth. Gripping her hips, I decided she was wearing too many clothes for my liking. I nearly threw her onto the unmade bed, slightly bouncing from the force of it. But she didn't seem to mind, her lustful gaze keeping me going.

"You drive me fucking crazy… was it your plan to get me all riled up so I'd fuck you?"

I slide her heels off her feet slowly, my hands tracing up her thighs until I reach the hem of my jacket. I take the zipper, slowly pulling it down to reveal her to me once more. I licked my lips taking in her figure, finally being able to fully appreciate the lace adorning her skin. She nodded her head in response, a small gasp leaving her as I nearly ripped the jacket off— throwing it somewhere in the room.

"I need you to use your words sweetheart."

I could tell how much she loved the pet names, her eyes lighting up each time I spoke to her. My fingers returned to her thighs, lightly tracing the skin there. Seeing goosebumps break out on her skin made me well aware of how much of an effect I had on her. My hands continue up, tracing the black lace hugging her skin, fitting against her so perfectly. She was so gorgeous, and I didn’t deserve her. But I knew I had to have her.

"Yes, I couldn’t help it. Spencer please— I need you."

Her eyes are fluttering closed, hiding those beautiful irises from me.

"Eyes on me baby."

She reluctantly obeys my wishes, our eyes meeting as I start sliding the lace panties down her legs. Once they are off I toss them aside, her legs closing themselves before I got to see all of her, much to my disdain. I couldn’t help the frown from crossing my features, shaking my head.

"Don't hide from me now angel... let me see you, please."

I didn’t want to sound desperate, but I've wanted this for far too long. Wanted her for far too many years now, my own idiocy getting in the way of expressing how much I needed her. I felt starved for her touch, as I haven't felt it in months. But now knowing that she feels the same... I would do anything she wanted. Even if it meant she walked out of this room. Y/n’s cheeks are flushed, but she nods opening herself up to me again. Her head drops down to the mattress, breaking our eye contact. She's nervous now, so I don't push her.

"If you want me to stop... please tell me. I don't want to do anything that you don't want."

Her hands grab my own that have stopped to rest on her thighs, guiding them up until I'm hovering over her folds again. I can see her arousal glistening in the dim motel lighting, the sight making my mouth water. Her fingers tangle with mine, leaving a hand free to explore her the way I've only pictured for far too long.

"I trust you Spencer."

Her voice was certain, and it was all the confirmation I needed before running two fingers up her slit. She whimpered, hips lifting in response to my light touch. I find her bundle of nerves easily, gently rubbing before impatiently replacing them with my tongue. I couldn't wait to taste her again, she was intoxicating.

"Shit... that feels so good."

Her moans were music to my ears, my eyes flicking up to watch her face. Her eyes were shut, cheeks flushed as she ground her hips down against my mouth. I wanted to commit every moment of this to memory, not that it would be a problem. I slip a finger inside her entrance, the warmth and tightness making me groan against her. While I initially had every intention to not let her come for teasing me earlier, those intentions flew out the window as she begged me for more.

"M-More!”

I chuckle at her demand, which sounded more like a plead. She lifts her head, our eyes meeting as I slip another finger inside her. Pumping them in and out, my tongue ravaging her like a starved animal. In some ways I guess I was, and now that I've had a taste... I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off her. I could feel her clamping down on my fingers, her thighs shaking and tightening around my head. Curling my fingers against that sweet spot inside her she continuously cries out, keeping up my motions until she fell limp beneath me.

"Come here."

She sounded absolutely wrecked already but I wasn’t done with her yet. I wanted to her come over and over until her beautiful body was spent. Keeping my fingers buried inside, hovering over her our lips met again. I continued to thrust them inside her slowly, adding a third digit not long after. Her nails dug into the skin of my shoulders, her soft whimpers making my cock throb in my jeans. My thumb found her clit, rubbing circles onto the already sensitive bundle of nerves.

“S-Spence… I-I can’t…”

She broke apart our lips to mumble those words, but we both knew she could take it. Looking down at her I pressed a kiss to her jaw, slowing down my motions but not halting them.

“You want me to stop?”

I curled my fingers inside her, finding that spot that made her eyes roll back in her head. I chuckled at her reaction, continuing the motion again.

“God… no, don’t you fucking stop.”

I groaned, her profanity making me quicken my motions. I was so desperate to see her come apart again beneath me. It was the prettiest thing I had ever seen. I was already so addicted to her, keeping my hands off her was going to be a real struggle once we left this room. Y/n was already so close again, I could tell by the resistance my fingers felt thrusting inside her.

“Come on angel, you’re being such a good girl for me. Give me one more.”

My praise was all she needed to push herself over the edge again, her sweet noises filling the motel room. I would do anything to keep hearing them. She grabbed my wrist with a whine, stopping my movements. I gently slide my fingers out, putting them up to my lips and sucking her juices from them. God I wouldn't be tired of that taste. I stood back up at the end of the bed, pulling the remainder of my clothes off before joining her again. Her eyes were hazy, gazing up at me with a look I could only describe as completely admiration.

"I.. don't have a condom love."

The realization came to me then, cursing myself for my unpreparedness. As much as I wanted to be inside her, I wouldn't want to put that risk on her. The thought of her carrying my child was something that warmed my heart, but I don’t think either of us were prepared for that yet. Her next move surprised me, but also turned me on beyond belief. Gaining back some of her confidence from earlier she grabbed my cock, lining it up with her entrance.

"Don’t care. I can't wait anymore Spencer. I need you to fuck me.”

I didn't hesitate to grant her wish, slipping inside of her slowly. Her nails dug into my shoulders as I let her adjust to my size. Fuck she felt amazing. So tight, warm, wet and pulsing around me. It was a miracle I didn’t come then, it had been far too long since I’d been with someone like this. It didn't take long before she was lifting her hips, begging me to move. I gladly obliged, slamming into her with enough force to make her cry out. Those cries of pleasure only spurring me on further. The sounds of our bodies slamming together filled the room and I couldn't be bothered to care if any of our other team members had returned to the motel. All that mattered was her, underneath me.

"S-Spence... I-"

I kept my brutal pace, until I heard those 3 little words falling from her lips.

"I love you."

My hips stilled at the confession, her eyes widening in panic as she realized what she had just said.

"Shit, I'm sorry I didn't—"

I cut her off with my lips, kissing her tenderly. I continued my thrusts, now not so rushed. When we parted for air, I smiled down at her.

"I love you too y/n."

She cupped my face in her hands, keeping her gaze on me as I continued to make love to her. y/n only looked away so she could look down to see where our bodies were connecting, my eyes following hers. God it was a delicious sight.

"You like that angel? You like watching me make fuck you?”

She nodded frantically, bringing our lips together again. Y/n pulled away too soon for my liking, as I attempted to chase her lips again. But the look that crossed her features made me still my hips immediately.

“What is it?”

She looked away shyly, fingers gently tracing my collarbones.

“Could I.. um, could I ride you?”

I felt relieved knowing she wanted to continue, but I was more than eager to see her bouncing on my cock. I slipped out of her, sitting and resting my back up against the headboard. She was clearly just as impatient to have me inside her again, climbing in my lap and sinking back down on me with a pretty sigh. I couldn't fully describe how good it felt to be inside her, but the closest description would be heavenly. Or as close to it as I could ever imagine. I realized in my haste to taste her I didn’t remove her bra, now unhooking it and tossing the garment aside with the rest of our clothes. Leaving her fully bare before me.

My large hands grabbed at her breasts, leaning down to take one of her nipples in my mouth. She tosses her head back at the motion, grinding down on me harder. I took my time with sucking and marking each of her breasts, satisfied once they were littered with marks I knew would soon turn purple. Leaning back again I watched as her hips rose and fell on top of me frantically. The new position letting me have a better view of my cock disappearing inside her. But I could tell she was getting tired as she slowed her movements, a small whine escaping her swollen lips. I knew what she needed without asking, gladly thrusting my hips up to meet hers.

The moan of approval I received made me chuckle, my hands gripping her hips tenderly as I helped her ride me. She snuck one of her hands between us, rubbing at her clit feverishly. I could tell she was close by the constant tightening of her walls around me. I knew I wasn’t going to last much longer either, the feeling of her walls gripping me was far too good. My hand brushed her hair out of her face, desperate to see her eyes when she came.

“Look at me baby.”

It was a struggle to keep her eyes open, but seeing them glaze over as her third orgasm shook her frame nearly made me finish. I went to pull out, so I could finish on her stomach but she stopped me, slamming her hips down onto me harder.

"Don't. you. dare. Spencer Reid."

Her tone was firm, her attempt at being dominant making me chuckle. I didn't dare disobey her though, our hips continuing to meet wildly until I met my end. Multiple curse words falling past my lips as I filled her to the brim. She collapsed on top of me, her head resting on my shoulder as we both tried to calm our erratic breathing. I was nestled deep inside her, her walls still gripping me tightly. As much as I would love to stay buried within her, it was becoming too much. I gently coaxed her hips up, sliding out of her with a sigh.

She seemed exhausted, but content, nuzzling herself further into my shoulder. I pressed a kiss to her forehead before I lifted her body off of my own. She let out the cutest little huff, arms outstretching for me as I laid her back on the mattress.

“Shh, I’ll be right back love.”

I pressed another kiss to her nose, smiling as I retreated from the bed. Slipping my boxers back on I made my way to the bathroom, returning with a damp washcloth. She looked gorgeous sprawled out on the bedsheets, as I began cleaning up my mess that was leaking onto her thighs. The sight nearly made me hard again, but I quickly moved my eyes back up to her face as I disposed of the washcloth.

"Is it time to talk now?"

She mumbled, grabbing for me again as I slipped us both under the sheets. Y/n easily wrapping herself around me, fingers tracing the skin of my chest. I nodded, sighing contently as she continued her soft touches.

"I guess that’s probably a good idea…”

The woman giggled, the thought seeming somewhat silly now that we had already professed our love for each other. I played with the curls that cascaded down her back, her humming in approval for me to continue my actions.

"Why didn't you visit me? Or call when I was locked up?”

I couldn't help the sadness that laced my tone, her hands gently tipping my chin down to look at her.

"I wanted to Spence, so much... but I wasn't allowed to. They literally banned me from the prison. I don’t know who made the decision, but I know it was from higher up. They wouldn’t let any of us come see you. At least… that's what I was told. I sent you letters every week, did you not get them?"

I scrunched my brows together, shaking my head. Her sigh and sad expression made me hold her tighter, relief flooding through my chest knowing that she didn't just abandon me like I had thought.

"I’ll spare you the terrible details... but it wasn’t good. I ended up in solitary a lot, due to fights. The only people that visited me were Tara and my mom. I just felt so alone. I felt abandoned by you… and the rest of the team. I never got those letters either, which I know would’ve changed things. But I guess I was too hurt and angry to really consider why you never came."

I could see the regret in her eyes, pressing a kiss to my jaw.

"I'm so sorry Spencer. I should've fought harder to see you, you needed me and I wasn’t there. I was a terrible friend. Tara didn't even tell me she got to visit you… And then when you got back you ignored me, I— I thought you hated me."

I shook my head, my own regret filling my chest. I could never hate her. She was my best friend, and she always would be despite my other feelings for her. I still have so much anger from my time in prison, something I still needed to deal with. But she didn’t deserve be on the other end of it.

"I could never hate you y/n... I was just so angry, and I took it out on you. You didn’t deserve that. But I can be man enough to admit I was also jealous of your friendship with Luke. I felt like I had been replaced. My actions were completely childish, and I apologize… can you forgive me?"

She nodded without a second thought, kissing me gently. I followed her lips, not letting her pull away from me just yet. I felt her mouth turn up in a smile, and it was my turn to pout as she pulled away.

"I love you Spencer. While I did get closer with Luke while you were gone, it never went past a friendship. I've been in love with you for years pretty boy, there was never anyone that could replace you."

While I may be considered a genius in many regards, my ability to read women was never something I excelled in. It took y/n literally giving me a lap dance to finally make me realize she wanted me in the same way. Her words made my heart race in my chest, my lips reattaching themselves to her jaw and continuing downward.

"Well, let's make up for that lost time then angel."

･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆

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