purplephantomwolf

[purplephantomwolf]

“k I don’t care” *cares a lot*

[purplephantomwolf]

[purplephantomwolf]

[purplephantomwolf]

Fernando:*Walks into a driver dinner and puts a human skull on the table* Lewis: Uhhh... Fernando? Fernando: What? Lewis: The skull? Fernando: Oh yeah, that's Mother's. George:*lurches back* Charles: OH MY GOD!!! Max: Cool. Fernando: No, it's not my Mother, it belonged to my Mother. She'd put it out every Christmas to remind us that even though it's the holidays, people still die, I've have it up every year. Lance always seemed to enjoys it when he comes over. Fernando: Plus, you can put sweets in it! Lance: *Enters* Hey guys... Aww, the Christmas candy skull! You remembered!

[purplephantomwolf]

The grid when there sex tape with reader gets leaked and reader is like a big model or actor/singer so it’s big news

lights, camera, holy shit - The grid reactions to your sex tape leaking

not all drivers, just a few.

Masterlist

summary: it wasn’t supposed to get out. you and your F1 boyfriend made a sex tape for yourselves — a private little souvenir. but now it’s everywhere. the internet has exploded, your PR team is in shambles, and every group chat on the grid is on fire. because you’re not just anyone. you’re you — the model, the singer, the face that sells out arenas and stops traffic. and now, the whole world has seen you getting absolutely railed by one of their own.

warnings: 18+, sex tape leak, public scandal, social media frenzy, chaos, f1 group chats exploding, protective/jealous boyfriends, teasing, mild gossip, fame culture, PR panic, implied smut content, slightly cracky tone with moments of real emotion. Reader is a famous woman (model/actor/singer etc). No actual smut in — just reaction chaos.

Charles Leclerc “WHO POSTED IT???” violently red. shaking. doesn’t know whether to text you, fight someone, or break his phone. accidentally watches 5 seconds of it before throwing his phone across the hotel room and yelling into a pillow. immediately goes into big brother mode even if he’s not your brother. sends a voice note to your boyfriend saying “I don’t even care if it was hot. I hate you.”

Carlos Sainz “...did they teach that position in Monaco?” definitely watches the whole thing. for “educational purposes.” makes a comment about core strength and then immediately gets smacked by someone. secretly kind of impressed. makes sure to text you privately: “You okay?” followed by: “I liked your necklace.”

George Russell panics harder than the PR team. starts muttering legal jargon in real time like a possessed lawyer. “Do we know if it was hacked? Was it Dropbox? iCloud? Oh god oh god is there an NDA breach???” also can’t stop saying the word consensual like he’s rehearsing for court.

Lando Norris dead silent for 30 minutes. then: “...so anyway I won’t be eating, sleeping, or functioning for the next 84 years.” cannot function. starts twitching every time your name gets mentioned. texts your boyfriend “tell her I said congrats or I’m sorry depending on how she feels idk man I’m spiralling.”

Oscar Piastri absolutely refuses to comment. sits in the media pen like a hostage and simply says “No comment” in seven different tones. does not blink. starts trending for being “emotionally mature and deeply respectful.” actually just terrified of saying something that ends up in a quote graphic. (but his Notes app? full of unholy thoughts.)

Max Verstappen doesn’t say a word. but group chats start buzzing when he unfollows the guy in the video. his team tries to claim it was a glitch. it was not a glitch. sends you a quiet message later: you okay? I’m here if you need anything. also, they should��ve used better lighting. media-trained king but still a petty little bitch deep down.

Lewis Hamilton pretends not to care. “Y’all are so obsessed with people’s private lives, it’s disgusting.” ...accidentally views the link because someone sends it with no warning. audibly gasps. texts you: you good babe? also that was… artistic? sensual? brave? sends a follow-up text: do you want to borrow Roscoe for distraction walks?

Yuki Tsunoda screams. loudly. “IT’S HER—???” watches it, blushes, then watches it again. accidentally drops his phone in a bowl of ramen because his hands are shaking. calls you by accident mid-panic. hangs up immediately. texts “YOU ARE SO COOL WTF I DIDNT KNOW YOU COULD—never mind I’m sorry. you’re a queen.”

Pierre Gasly makes so many jokes. too many jokes. “Do we think the necklace was sponsored? Should I be taking notes?” but secretly furious on your behalf. offers to break the guy’s nose even if the sex looked “phenomenal.” very chaotic energy: horny + protective + deeply dramatic. posts a thirst trap the next day captioned when they leak yours but not mine.

Esteban Ocon actually helpful. immediately sends legal contacts, crisis PR referrals, and a discreet cybersecurity expert. “Also I didn’t watch it. I swear. Like. Not the whole thing.” he did. but he watched it like he was solving a crime.

Daniel Ricciardo somehow knows before you do. calls you immediately: “I’m gonna fucking kill whoever posted that.” also: “...unless you posted it on purpose. In which case, respect. But also, you okay??” later admits he did watch it. says nothing else except: “...so when’s the sequel?”

Alex Albon turns his phone off the second it trends. asks Lily to keep him updated and then goes to walk the dog. refuses to acknowledge anything until you tell him you’re okay. sends you a meme 12 hours later with zero context. protective in a soft, avoidant way.

Valtteri Bottas “Leave them alone.” that’s it. one tweet. goes viral. respected king of not giving a fuck. accidentally watches it while trying to understand what everyone’s talking about. nods once. “Respectfully.”

Lance Stroll doesn’t say anything. just offers to lend you his private plane. and slips you a bottle of 10k dollar champagne with a sticky note that says if you ever want to disappear for a bit.

Charles Leclerc if you are not dating him: shocked. confused. deeply invested. but also immediately angry. “Why would they post that?? That’s not right.” sends you a text that just says ❤️ because he doesn’t know what else to do.

if you are dating him: dies. like. actually perishes. his soul leaves his body. buries himself under a pillow in a Monaco apartment and refuses to come out for three days. only response to the chaos is: I was so gentle though :(

Toto Wolff calls your boyfriend. “Come to my office.” calls you after. “My girl, we will fix this. Let the lawyers cook.” also: “Was it at least tasteful?” then sighs. “Never mind. I don’t want to know.”

Christian Horner panics. tries to turn it into a Red Bull win somehow. “Think of the clicks! Think of the engagement!” gets banned from bringing it up in team meetings. tries to high-five your boyfriend. gets ignored. rightfully.

Geri Halliwell-Horner whispers “queen behaviour” in your ear at the next race and then says nothing else. you will never forget it.

your PR team crying. throwing up. spinning in circles. calls Lewis’ team. calls Beyoncé’s team. calls a priest.

the world? obsessed. the tape breaks the internet. people argue about your moans like it’s a cultural debate. edits appear. merch gets made. your spotify streams go up. you gain 800k followers. someone posts “they fucked like they were defending a championship” and it becomes a tattoo.

[purplephantomwolf]

Yeah so unfortunately, my friend was right. Muttering 'I'm gonna put on the greatest talent show this town has ever seen' darkly to myself is not only vastly funnier than saying I'm gonna kms, but is also somehow more concerning to anyone who might overhear it

[purplephantomwolf]

friend just told me that he and his siblings used to play a game called "abraham lincoln and the slimy slug" wherein one person is abraham lincoln, with a full range of motion, and one person is a slimy slug inside a sleeping bag

and they would fight. and of course abraham lincoln would just beat the absolute shit out of the slimy slug

[purplephantomwolf]

cure of ra

[purplephantomwolf]

Ozzy Osbourne’s death is like the death of a crusty white 3 legged no toothed dog in it’s mid 20s. It’s shocking and heartbreaking, but the shock mostly comes from the fact that it lived so long and through so much bodily strain that you kind of subconsciously assumed it was immortal.

[purplephantomwolf]

[purplephantomwolf]

Many of you I fear

[purplephantomwolf]

[purplephantomwolf]

guy i saw in traffic today that i felt compelled to draw

[purplephantomwolf]

told my irl i write f1 fic and he sent me this

[purplephantomwolf]

i don't want him i NEED him it's a need at this point

[purplephantomwolf]

sheepish is a really funny word. fuck im so nervous (turns into this)