purpleprey

[purpleprey]

Chapter 17: The Wall and the Flower

We sauntered over to a well-built man with an eccentrically trimmed goatee dressed in a tailcoat by the entrance to the alley. He smiled and welcomed the circus-goers warmly until his eyes landed on us. He threw his arms up in jubilation to greet us.

“Junioor!!” He beamed, scooping the gangly creature up with both arms. “Have you been out making some friends?” He turned his attention on us. His smile was so kind and genuine, I’ve never known this warmth from someone’s expression. The expression on the freak did not change from its wide-eyed look.

“I DON’T KNOW!!” I yelled in a sudden rage, “I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, OKAY??? FUCK OFF!!!” The man stared at me blankly.

“Just calm down, sir, it’ll be okay.Just tell me your name. My name is Robbing Wang.” He said reassuringly.

“I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR NAME IS, SUCCA! I’m Obsidian Leviathan.” I finished calmly. His little tactic worked. But when I looked over at him, it seemed that he was now the rage-filled one. Did my wrath transfer to him?

“Do not call me ‘Succa’, Mr. Leviathan. I prefer Robbing.” So that's what he was so mad about. How ridiculous. It’s like being called Christophorous and being upset when someone calls you Calvin. It’s just the assumed nickname. I brushed by Robbing and went to check out the other freaks in his show.

Venus was the first one there. It made sense for him to be here. Not only was he freakishly gorgeous but he was, in fact, a merman. I decided to check out the other exhibits. The next forty cages were all filled with beings identical to Succa Junior. I haven’t seen a freak show in a long time. I missed this.

After seeing the same face over and over again, I was relieved to see a new face. It was Someone from a by-gone time, still young and beautiful. I walked by and over to the final cage. I was aghast at the familiarity of the person contained there within. I wanted to run back towards where Venus was, desperate to forget the sight of Moorish Zealous sitting there pathetically.

He noticed my presence and his head shot up, dazzling me with his luminous eyes from the dark since the circus seemingly wasn’t bothered wasting electricity on this end of the alley. Foot traffic was so low here. There was a beat of silence between us before he huffed and turned his head away.

“Not YOU again,” he snarked

“Nuh-uh!” I raised a finger “not YOU again!! Not not ME again, you cockalorum!!”

“AAH!” He gasped so loud it sounded more like a scream “WHO TOLD YOU THAT!?”

“No one…” I scuffed my shoe on the floor. More silence passed between us. I could feel in the air he was waiting for me to ask how he could’ve possibly survived being ripped to shreds by a leather maiden, but I wasn’t gonna! I didn’t care, and besides, the reasoning was obvious. I started to walk away as he suddenly shot his silk-garbed arm through the bars and grabbed ahold of me.

“Look, I know we’ve had our differences on account of me being better than you and your resulting jealousy of me, but we shouldn't dwell on that now. You must get me out of here!” He squealed.

“Why should I? I think I’d rather leave you here, where you belong” I huffed.

“I can’t be imprisoned here any longer. She is right next door to me, I can feel it. This is my chance to meet her face-to-face.” I scoffed at him and turned on my heel. I sprinted over to Venus’ cage and this time, nothing could stop me. I arrived back at the front of the alley where everyone was gathered before Venus’ exhibit. Robbing was giving a talk.

“You must be wondering, if freakshows were outlawed in 1956, why are we doing the unthinkable and running one in this day and age!” He began.

“I wasn’t wondering,” I stepped forward, interrupting confidently. “I don’t care at all. Ethics aren’t something I ever consider when it comes to freaks” With everyone’s eyes on me, I made my way to the centre of the ring of people that had organised themselves around the spectacle.

“Obsidian!” Venus came forward and held the bars of his cage “I did not think I would see you again!”

I lent against the enclosure suavely and shot him a smirk and a raise of my eyebrow “Do you have so little faith in me?”

He averted his eyes and opened his mouth to reply but we were interrupted.

“Mr. Leviathan, I’m so sorry to interrupt. I was kinda in the middle of giving a show. Perhaps you’d like to join it?” Robbing said pleasantly.

“Actually, I don’t want to join your stupid freak show! What I would like to do is take Venus Crypt and go. He’s my merman, not yours.” With that, I threw myself at the bars of Venus’ cage and tried in agony to tear them asunder.

Suddenly, the bars came loose. I did it. I turned around victoriously to see Cosmic standing before me. He gave me a wink as if he was doing me a favour. I told him to get real. Venus stepped out of the cage and we walked away without another word to that Mr. Wang.

Venus and I skipped hand-in-hand over to another of the circus’ attractions. The fortunate teller. I handed her a coin of unknown origin and she took Venus’ hands. Their eyes rolled back into their heads and Venus began to speak with the fortunate teller’s voice:

“I had a vision,

A vision of my nails in the kitchen.

Scratching counter tops, I was screaming.

My back arched like a cat.

My position couldn’t stop, you were hitting it.”

I screwed up my face. Venus glanced at me, nervous of what I thought, I shrugged in response. This is why I don’t trust fortunate tellers. Always giving the most ridiculous predictions. Obviously, she wasn’t meaning it literally, but I am in control of my own fate and I’d never let Venus’ back be arched like a cat. Not in public, at least. But DEFINITELY not in private either. I took back hold of his hand to turn and leave but I couldn't help but glance down at his fingernails, wondering if they could really mark a countertop. He must've noticed the intense and furrowed expression on my face because he awkwardly slipped his hand out of mine and put it in his pocket, hiding it from my judgmental gaze. It was too little too late, however. I would have to buy a nail file at the next shop we come by.

Venus cleared his throat. “So, uh, where did Cosmic and Elly get off to? We should go and find them, do you not think !so?” he said meekly. I scoffed in response. I didn’t think we should go and find Cosmic. I’ve never thought that. Nevertheless, I led Venus in the direction of the big top. Whatever my princess wants I guess.

It was hard to gain access to the tent. There was something of a rehearsal going on betwixt shows. Clowns of unvaried shape and size swarmed and shuddered in a terrible mass of bodies taking up most of the room inside like a nauseating clown cyclone. Bile rose in my throat, as my eyes took in the gruesome scene before me. It was hard to know where one clown ended and another started. An amalgamation of so many once individual beings; now they were one. The constricture-like beast they melted together to form seemed to heave and pulse in a laboured way. The continuous sound of millions of pairs of clown shoes scuffing on the makeshift floor conglomerated into a sound like a hoarse broken scream, right from the back of an acid burnt throat. The scream of a tormented creature born with no mouth. An occasional honking could be heard amongst the din. Faces painted with clown makeup peered up at me; a being with hundreds of eyes all staring in my direction. Hands and fingers poked out from every surface. They wiggled and waved and pointed and clenched. All moving separately but also together. The flesh bubbled in some places where the fusion was not yet complete. It almost looked like wax, but it was human flesh and I knew it. It was so sweaty. I suddenly was overcome with a feeling unfamiliar to me. Pity. The feeling was so raw. I wanted to stop this. If I had any mercy, I'd have to kill it. But how could I kill something with so many hearts?

I turned to look at Venus, realising I should be shielding his eyes from the horror before us. But he wasn’t there. I felt myself scream but couldn’t hear my own voice over the scream of It. Where was he? Could he have been absorbed into It? I saw one of the hands clutching a gun and raced over, ready to snatch it from Its grasp and fill It with lead. But I never made it. Before I could sail the rippling sea of bodies, I heard a voice from behind me.

“Oh hey, Obsidian!” I whipped around, my heart lurching from surprise. Elly was standing behind me in a glittering tailcoated leotard.

“Elysium,” I gasped, the back of my mouth scorched from stomach acid. She knew the look on my face well from all our years of friendship.

“Sorry it's a bit of a mess in here, do you want to talk in my office?”

She led me up the trapeze ladder. When we made it to the top, she grabbed my hands and off we went.

In the office, Elly had me sit down in a very comfortable loveseat. Under most circumstances, I’d be satisfied. But right now, such a choice of BTM brought up bad memories. Elly sat across from me, on a golden throne. She smiled in a welcoming manner. I decided it was time to ask the question on everyone’s mind.

“What the fuck?” I queried. Elly blinked at me, her smile never faltering.

“What the fuck what?” She tilted her head slightly

“The… the clowns!!!” I stutter out

“What do you mean?”

“I SAWETH THE CLOWNS!!!!”

She laughed abruptly, “They’re just clowns, I don't really know what you're asking me!! I know it’s a bit hectic down there but I didn't think you'd hold that over my head, Obsidian. I'm still new to this ringmaster thing. Everyone who’s come to see the show says i'm doing great, you’re just seeing the rehearsal,”

“You can’t possibly perform that, Elysium,” My hands started to tremor uncontrollably.

“What? Obviously not.” She lowered her eyebrows. She seemed a little offended. She gave a deep sigh before continuing. “I really didn’t think I’d have to spell this out for you, Obsidian. This is a team-building exercise that we must do during rehearsals to ensure that our performances go off without a hitch. With everyone accustomed to working in such haunting unison, there is no need to worry about anything going wrong. I can’t believe you would assume that I was going to show something so… intimate… to the general public. You wound me, Obsidian.”

I gasped uncontrollably. I had never wounded Elysium before, not even once in our lifetime of friendship. I knew I had to make things right.

“Elly, I’m so-sor-so…” I started. This was harder than I thought. Elly narrowed her eyes.

“You’re so what?” she asked angrily.

I cleared my throat. “Let me try something here” I closed my eyes to better focus. “I just wanted to a-apol… wait-” I held up a finger “apolo-... a- apolo….”

“Obsidian…” Elly interrupted.

“No, just give me a second,” I continued to attempt the tongue twister.

“Obsidian, your nose is bleeding,” I opened my crimson eyes to see the blood already pooling in my lap. My eyes were bleeding too. “Obsidian, it's like a faucet,” Elly took a tissue and handed it to me. The tissue did not last very long before it had soaked up too much of my blood and hardened into a stone. I glared at Elly as best as I could through all the blood, offended by her cheap taste in tissues.

“Listen, Obsidian, don’t worry about it.” Elly suddenly spoke up. “We’ve been friends our whole lives, I know what you’re trying to say. The whole clown debacle isn’t what I’m really upset about. I feel like we’ve been growing apart and I hate it. We’ve been through so much and so many years together. I can’t remember a time that we’ve been apart, aside from when I went to prison. You know how much of a wallflower I am, Obsidian.”

Tears welled in my eyes, mixing with the blood. I smiled, blood dripping from my mouth too. Suddenly, the memories of It were replaced with fond memories from my previous adventure with Elly.

“Oh Elly, I’m so sorry.” I said and then gasped. “I did it! I said it! Elly, aren’t you proud of me?” Elly nodded sincerely.

“I always will be.”

[purpleprey]

Chapter 16: Death of the One-Toed Ferret

Our steaks were brought to us in record time. Steel Tribunal was kind enough to bring them to us himself. Though I would’ve considered a greater kindness if he'd let someone more attractive do it. We were trying to eat after all. I averted my eyes from his face as best as I could. I made eye contact with Venus as he was doing the same. I smiled lovingly and he smiled back. I kicked my feet giddily under the table, I was just so darn happy with my new life!! My foot collided repeatedly with something under the table. I assumed it was a table leg, or perhaps, if my luck had not run dry, Cosmic's denimed leg.

I swung my body down to look under the table as a feel of unease had begun to stir within me. I wasn't quite sure what I was looking at! under the table was the battered body of something that looked almost like a ferret, though it was much too stubby. I took its limp wet form by the tail with my thumb and forefinger. I pulled it out from under the table. I tried to examine this hideous rag further, but then a holler erupted through the trap music.

Steel Tribunal hoisted me into the air by the makeshift collar of my big red dress.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?!?!" he cried. To say he was an ugly crier was an understatement.

"BACK OFF ME OR WE'LL MARRY YOUR GIRL!!!" I tried to struggle free. He didn’t like that. Not one bit. He whipped his arm around, throwing me across the saloon at violent speeds. I hit the wall with a wet crack. For a moment I was confused at the sound, before I realised that I had been impaled upon the antlers of the deer head mounted on the saloon wall.

"How could you do this?" Steel had fallen to his knees in anguish. "Do you have any idea who you just mangled? That was Tight Eyez, the most favoured and prized of my ferrets! He was the oldest of them all, the first ferret I ever owned! He was two weeks away from his 50th birthday! You will pay for this, Obsidian Leviathan."

Steel began stomping his feet, his chest waz popping, and his arms were swinging every which way. I felt fear coursing through my veins. I knew what was happening. I considered trying to get help from my companions but I decided against it. I needed to show Venus that I was someone he could rely on when krump came a-calling. Even still, I knew what was coming would not be pleasant.

We were about to engage in a good ol' fashioned krump battle. I needed to get down from these antlers. There would be no way for me to stomp from up here. I popped and popped my chest, dislodging myself, being careful not to move my shoulders too much (a HUGE krumping no-no). I burst out, just before I hit the ground with my most rugged buck stomp, I clasped both hands together and swung at Steel Tribunal, taking his hideous head clean off.

Whilst i was still descending, I imagined a rugged mean buck stomp would be inappropriate after a lethal killing move. I needed to downplay this. make it look like an accident.

I landed purposefully sprawled on the floor beside the dismembered ghoulish head. I keeled in false agony as everyone gasped and screamed and retched.

"wh-what happened!? I don't know what happened!!!!" I wept, faking my naivety. I know exactly what I did. With scarcely even a taunt, I finished him. I got him off.

I travelled over to where my friends were still seated at their table, eating their steaks though with much less enthused expressions than the ones they held before. I sat back down to finish my own meal, already planning out my fable on the off chance that someone was unsure of my innocence. I munched away to the sounds of horrified and disgusted screams (his face did not look any better post mortem). As I did though, Elly leaned over to me and whispered, "Obsidian, I've known you for our whole lives. You NEVER make mistakes like that during a spiritual round. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea for you to kill him off like that."

"Maybe he should have just gone back to the laboratory." I scoffed.

Once we had finished our food, we decided it would be best for us to just leave. Cosmic suggested that we get some cereal to eat but such an insult as that could only be answered with a swift and strong slap to the face. It left my hand bloodied and bruised and broken but I knew that I had made my point, even if Cosmic's face looked untouched. If I had let that one slide, he might have suggested we go home and go to sleep next.

I took Venus' hand and began to leave, but his grip was weak and flaccid. I turned to look at him, my eyes wet and glistening in a beautiful way so I could be sure I wasn't the problem. He was in some kind of intense thought zone. He had a stern look about him, his brow furrowed intensely above his unfocused eyes. As we exited the saloon I gently reached up my hand and manually and forcibly smoothed his brow, terrified at the prospect of wrinkles. This snapped him out of his trance but not his perturbed expression. He let go of my hand in favour of rubbing his chin and his temple.

"Is something wrong?" I chanced a query.

"Remains to be seen…" he muttered, gazing into the distance.

"Did… Did I do something!?" I almost whimpered. But I didn't, luckily. I screamed. Venus' head snapped up to look at me, his expression shifted to a softer one.

"No! it is not like that, Obsidian. You have been great through all of this. Really," he gazed off thoughtfully again while I blushed and squirmed. "It is just… this Steel Tribunal business…"

"About his death?" I began once I scraped myself off the floor. "Did his accidental death upset you? I didn't think you guys were close like that since from where I was standing he was like,,,, your opposite! Y'know, in love with Severus, hateful of me and foul, grim, and repugnant to look at!"

"I know, I know," Venus sighed, "it is not that. This whole ordeal with the Sinuouses has been very tough on me."

I nodded sagely. "Almost being married off to some chick when you're in love with someone as irreplaceable as me must've been fucking exhausting."

We finally made it out of the saloon and were back in the desert once more. This felt like a new beginning. I heard sirens in the distance.

"So!" I shouted. "Where are we off to now? Someone answer me quickly. We urgently must be off now!"

Cosmic hailed a cab. Where it came from, I don't know. It certainly was not on the road before Cosmic demanded its services.

"Get in guys!" He chirped happily like a stupid little bird or something. "I know where we can go!"

We all clambered as Cosmic spoke to the driver but I wasn't listening. I reflected on how we have all come such a long way in our relationships with one another but I still don't care much for that ginger freak. But Venus and I have come miles :). Me and Elly have um?

My thoughts were interrupted excruciatingly slowly when I realised we had completed a 7 hour road trip while I was lost in my many many thoughts. We had pulled up alongside a long winding dirt path that stretched on into the countryside.

"This thing doesn't offroad" the cab driver informed us bluntly, tapping the wheel to let me know he was talking about the cab when he said this thing. so I guess the cab does not fare well driving off road on account of the tyres and suspension I suppose. He paid us the fare and we left.

We followed as Cosmic walked with purpose towards a cornfield. I rolled my eye?, not excited to have to follow this leader anywhere. We pushed into the corn. It was so tall, taller than Venus even. It seemed like it'd be so easy to get lost in here.

And it was. In under three minutes, I was all alone. To this day, I can not explain what happened in there. I had been holding Venus' hand. For a minute, it felt like I still was, until I realised it wasn't his hand at all!

This hand was cold and clammy and scrawny. Ew. I stood frozen, scared to death of looking down and finding out who this hand belonged to. Tears streamed down my face in buckets. I swallowed and gathered all my strength. I slowly forced my head to move inch by inch until I was staring into the crimson eyes of a beast. I mean, it was a person in some sense. But there was not an ounce of humanity present in its eyes.

"Hello." I said. The being blinked at me, one eye at a time. I shuddered. I needed to act.

"GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU FREAK!" I screamed, using my other hand to jab it in the eyes, one eye at a time. It didn't react. I tore my arm from its grip and ran off deeper into the corn. I could hear it chasing after me. but the curse of the corn got us first. I was lost and alone once more. I shucked a corn into a makeshift spear. As I trudged along, I passed by corn, corn, a whispering stone and more corn. there were just no clues!!!!! Soon, it was night and a blanket of stars was over my head. Soon after that, it began to rain, waterboarding me through the thick blanket. I struggled trying to tear it off my head. CIA officers who have subjected themselves to waterboarding have only lasted 14 seconds before refusing to continue. In previous situations, I had lasted even less than that. how long would I have left??

The tenth second passed and I knew it was now or never. I opened my mouth wide and drew the corn-spear above my head. With only one second remaining, I thrust the spear down through the blanket and into my gaping maw. My decades of sword-swallowing training was of great use in that moment. I tore off the rest of the blanket in a haste, tearing it to sopping shreds, and regurgitated the spear. Sitting in front of me was that little freak again, staring at me with morbid curiosity. He walked over to me and grabbed my hand gently, pulling me in the direction of a light. I let it lead, something about its empathetic, loving hold on my mitt made my general distrusting nature falter.

“Wh… what’s your name?” I asked as we skittered softly through the corn.

Its throat rattled and gargled as it tried to form a word. I strained my ear to hear in fear.

“Rrrobbing “succa” wanggg” it croaked. I furrowed my brow pensively. That’s basically like calling it ‘John Doe’ but like, modern, by the way. How sad :(. I lowered my head sorrowfully and did not speak for the rest of the walk. We finally entered a clearing, filled with many tents, with a little freak show alley off to the side. I guess that explains where this “Succa Wang” guy was from.

There was elegant, melancholic music playing as we looked under the big top and saw the clowns. But they weren’t the only thing we peeped. All eyes on Cosmic in the centre of the ring, just like a circus. In one hand he held a 15 million kilogram weight over his head. On the other hand, he held a chair which he was using to fend off a lion. He was showing us what he could do. Everyone in the audience had let go and was making a dance floor. Just like a circus! I searched the crowd for familiar faces but saw none. The crowd was beginning to trip with excitement over Cosmic’s daring act. Wow, the atmosphere here was crazy. I could feel the adrenaline movin’ through my veins. The hysterical attention I so craved was trained on COSMIC!! I had to do something, and FAST!! But I wasn’t nearly fast enough because Cosmic, dressed in a sequinned overall with no shirt underneath, took a deep bow and strode off the stage, waving at the audience as he went.

I roared and charged down towards the ring desperate for my fifteen seconds but before I could make it, someone familiar dropped into the ring. It was Elly. The crowd cheered loudly and for a long time. Elly then proceeded to do a full trapeze act. It was graceful and elegant and so perfect that it made me burst into tears. When it was over, I ran over to Elly as she exited the stage. She looked a bit too happy to see me.

“Obsidian! I’m so glad you’re finally here. What took you so long?”

“Oh, it was terrible. I was pursued and waterboarded. It was traumatising. But enough about me, what about you guys? You ran off and joined the circus! What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Oh, I’m like the ringleader, I call the shots” she explained.

“Call the shots.” I repeated wondrously.

“I’m like a firecracker, I make it hot when I put on a show.”

I rolled my eyes. I had more important things to discuss.

“Where is my Venus Crypt?” I queried. Elly’s eyes widened. She snapped her fingers and Succa Wang reappeared at my side.

“This way, sire.” Succa led me outside the big top and over to the freak show alley.

[purpleprey]

Chapter 15: The Butcher in the Black Saloon

A silence filled the room for what felt like weeks but when I looked to the large clock that covered the entire ceiling, only 17 minutes had passed. My mouth hung open, dry to the bone, flies flying in and out lazily. I drifted in and out of consciousness, my mind buzzing with thoughts. Or maybe it was just the flies.

“Ah, sorry did I make the energy weird here-” Venus stammered, cutting the silence “Obsidian I- wait-” He turned to me and stopped short, “You are crying?”

“Wh-whaat?” I croaked, coughing up a little dust. I touched a hand to my numb face and inspected my sopping wet fingers. “Apparently so!” I remarked. I didn’t feel like myself at all. I tried once again to depart from the loveseat and this time, it allowed me to leave. I fell forward, my legs atrophied from the lack of use, and slowly began to drag myself towards Venus. As I reached him, he bent down and lifted me to feet. My legs shook as I looked into his eyes.

“Is it… is it really true? I croaked, my voice rasping like sandpaper. I always pictured myself being smoother, if I were to be in this scenario. Less of a 40 grit sandpaper and more of a desirable partner. I felt like a loser, a let down, a non-operational forklift with rusted gears. But when my eyes met Venus’, I didn't see disgust, OR regret!! He actually looked a lot more enthused than he did but a moment ago. He nodded at me, beaming, then at the Sinuous lineage twice as hard.

Suddenly the feeling rushed back into my face and legs steadied. Was this… the power of love? My face was completely soaked as I continued to sob elatedly. Venus’ arms tightened around me. This was heaven. I looked up and followed Venus’ eyes. Sin Sinuous looked unhappy, though I could not understand how someone could be feeling anything but jubilation right now. And it seemed like he was getting closer…

Sin Sinuous wormed both his hands between our chests and wedged us apart. I slipped across the room and landed sprawled and tangled under an artsy coffee table. Venus was physically unaffected, just looked at Sin Sinuous with a little concern.

“Absolutely not. ABSOLUTELY NOT!! A Sinuous will NOT be playing second fiddle to the likes of.. Of!!” he struggled to find a word “what even ARE you!?!?!” he stopped his black alligator skin boot on the marble floor in frustration. But his frustration was nothing compared to my own. There I was, living the dream, and this condescending Sin dared to put his hands on me and insult me like I was gonna just lay here and take it! I didn’t move.

“Listen, Mr. Sinuous,” I heard Venus’ voice and was immediately at peace, “I understand your frustrations. I can only imagine what it would feel like to have your daughter’s potential spouse snatched from your grasp by someone who does not live up to the most rudimentary standards of what you think makes an ideal partner. But I also know that deep down, you want your daughter to be happy. And above all else, you want me to be happy. And what would make me happiest, is if you would forget the idea of Severus and I marrying and let us be with who we want. Even if they are uggos!” He beamed victoriously.

“Yeah, buster!” I scraped myself out from the tables legs with my fingernails, trailing blood beside me “I may have ruptured one of my eardrums in my fall, but Venus and I will always defend each other!” I smiled at Venus and he looked at me gratefully, hand on his heart. Sin Sinuous was in some kind of frenzy. More and more locks of his hair fell onto his forehead as he stamped his feet and tore at his face. Venus came to me like a vision of an angel and hoisted me up, supporting my weight by pulling my arm over his broad shoulders.

“Other side, dear, this ear’s no good,” I pet the side of his chiselled face endearingly and he obliged. We locked eyes and I heard a choir of angelic voices. Nothing could ruin this moment.

I heard an anguished yell. Sin was still here, frothing at the mouth and growling at me. Severus rolled her eyes. I stared him down and looked away dismissively, fixing my attention back on Venus. He didn’t have the power here anymore.

“Hey!” I said suavely. “Why don’t we get out of here?” Venus gave me a small smile. I could read between the lines.

“NO!” Sin Sinuous screamed. “You are not leaving! Venus Crypt, you will marry my daughter! As for you, Leviathan, I think… another floor will be more to your taste.” WIth that he lowered his head, the last of his hair falling onto his face, and charged. I braced for impact just before Venus threw me to the side where I landed on a soft leather couch. I bounced off the cushions and landed neck first with a hearty crunch on the hard floor. When I looked up at Venus he was engaged in a fearsome battle with Sin Sinuous. Their hands were interlaced in a terrible push & pull, their teeth bared at each other as they exerted their full strengths. Fuuuuck this was doing it for me.

Unfortunately, I was rudely interrupted by the most grating, ear-piercing, shrill fucking sound as I heard Cosmic’s voice.

“Obsidian, get up! Get up, we have to go!” I looked over to snarl and snap at that stupid little ginger freak and saw a most unpleasant sight. It was her.

The maid from earlier, the one in leather, had reappeared. I turned back to continue watching the show but she was there too. Were there two of them?

The maid shoved Venus with all her might and sent him flying. I cried and scrambled after his flying form. Sin Sinuous was screaming some bullshit about getting “them” to the maid but how did he expect anyone to “get” Venus with how fast he was flying. I heard Elly and Cosmic running after me as I tried in a vain to chase him down. Elly put her head down to sprint forward with her full speed. She leapt in the air to catch Venus like an over-sized football. But in her haste, overshot the jump with her incredible speed and crashed into the opulent door, breaking it open, consequently clearing Venus’ flight path.

He glided out the doors with perfect form, nose diving down the hallway. His momentum slowed which gave him enough time to right himself, and slow himself with the heels of his shoes. He skidded a little before jogging to a stop. We were all clambering behind him still, with me in the rear, my legs a little warped. Venus turned his head to look behind him, his hair sweeping perfectly as his deep brown eyes searched for me in concern. He pushed Elly and the dastardly leather maid away to get toward me. I extended a hand desperately, as did he. He took me by the wrist and yanked me forward and began to run. I was so shocked and overwhelmed with emotion. Usually, this is the kind of situation I would totally misunderstand. I feel as though my luck had taken a turn for the better. In a time, not long ago, his hand would’ve sailed past mine and spun my fucking jaw, but,,, not this time 🙂.

“I can not let you die, Obsidian” He said, his eyes trained forward on the hall ahead “I really, REALLY can not let that happen right now.” I grinned. I heard Elly scowl behind us.

We dashed through hallway upon hallway, a never-ending maze of twists and turns with identical doors on every wall. We gave consideration to making a break for the lift or the dumbwaiter (ew) but ultimately decided that would take too long and using the stairs would be better exercise anyways. But we had yet to see any such steps in this labyrinth of a floor.

Eventually, after several hours we came across something new. Something quicker than even the stairs would be: a laundry chute. The four of us breathed in understanding as we gazed upon it, all knowing what we were about to do. Before we could even try to enact our masterful plan, the chute door swung open and a figure began to emerge, limb by limb. We stared in abject horror at the hideous sight before us. It was Moorish Zealous.

“Ew, what the fuck?” I said and grabbed Venus by the hand.

“OHHH!” Cosmic exclaimed in recognition, pointing at the dishevelled Moorish Zealous. “Cheesed to meet you, right!?”

Moorish Zealous had lost some of the blonde in his hair and the whimsy from his eyes as he stood there heaving, eyes training angrily on me.

“Oh please,” he began “the cheddar is all mine. OBSIDIAN LEVIAWHATEVER,” he pointed a heavily ringed finger at me, blood coated his cuticles from presumably crawling up the chute. Venus stared at him then at me.

“Obsidian…” he said, a slight tremor in his voice “Do you know this guy?”

Before I could reply, a shrill shriek erupted from Moorish Zealous’ offended throat.

“VENUS, THERE IS NOT A CIRCLE I AM NOT KNOWN IN AND I FIND YOUR TONE COMPLETELY UNCALLED FOR. Now. I am nothing if not hot and reasonable, so I will take your shaven face as an apology JUST THIS ONCE!!” he huffed and stamped his worn and decaying platform boot on the ground.

“CAN WE HURRY THIS UP!?” Elysium called from in front of the door she was preparing to barricade. I could hear leather-bound footsteps coming in our direction. Elly was telling it true; we needed to hurry.

I stepped forward and opened my mouth to speak but before I could utter a single word, Moorish Zealous’ eyes zeroed in on my hand clutching Venus’. He made a strangled sound, his eyes beginning to bulge out of his head. I feared for a moment that he would devolve into another garish and cartoonish display. Fortunately for all of us, he did not.

“I don’t believe this. I can’t.” Moorish began, sounding unlike himself, “Venus, I thought you were better than this.”

“I’m afraid it’s true.” Venus said, gripping my hand tighter. Moorish Zealous looked unconvinced.

“Prove it then. Kiss each other right now.”

Venus turned to face me and obliged.

It was an experience beyond words, completely inexpressible. I knew in that moment that nothing would ever be the same again; that I could never live without this feeling. I almost couldn’t believe that something like this was possible, even for someone as deserving as me. All the love songs and poems and stories put together paled in comparison. We had kissed before, granted, but nothing like this. This time I wasn’t being thrown against the wall of a bathroom and pummelled with Venus’ immense strength. I closed my eyes, savouring the moment and when I opened my eyes, he was still there! I was ever so slowly brought back to the world around me by the sounds of screams.

Moorish Zealous was on his knees, his mind well and truly blown. Venus shrugged, before glancing at my blushing face.

“Oh! Sorry I thought you would be okay with that considering…” he trailed off.

“Oh! No, it's okay! It's more than okay!” I gushed. I guess we HAD been through a lot together. Though he only just confessed and made things official, our bond has always been strong, we’ve never really had strong boundaries.

We both chuckled nervously until I felt a hand grip my ankle. I shrieked in surprise at Moorish Zealous who was starting to froth at the mouth.

“YOU CUNT!” he enunciated the ‘T’ sound harshly “after ALL I’ve been through to get here!?”

“How did you get here?” Cosmic interrupted curiously. Running footsteps were audible beyond the door. They were coming. WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!

“After meeting a timely demise,” he monologues. “I awoke most suddenly, the moon under me splitting apart and launching me into the terrible void of space. My instinct, of course, was to hold my breath as there is no air in space, and one must watch out for that!! But I couldn't help but gasp in shock and offence. That's when I realised, I was fine!! Now, I'm not one for thinking, i let others lesser than me handle that, but I THINK some of the moons planetary power has been imbued into me,”

“Oh my god!!” I pointed down at him “that explains your glowing white eyes!!”

“That explains my glowing white eyes!!!!” he cheered, excited we were on the same page. But we weren’t really on the same page at all. “So I came for Venus, as his EQUAL!! I mean this as a slight against YOU, of course. Us heavenly bodies ought to stick together”

I shoved his head aside and kicked at his hand until it released my ankle. I made my way over to the laundry chute from whence Moorish came, dragging Venus along behind me. Unlike with Zealous, Venus and I were on the same page. Before I could decide the most elegant way to descend down to the laundry room far below, there came a loud crash behind me. I turned to see that the maid had gotten through. Elly, Cosmic, and Venus ran at the chute and dove in with perfect Olympic diver form. Moorish Zealous made to follow in their footsteps but before he could make it over, the maid got hold of him. I made sure to slowly climb into the chute so that I could watch as much of this as possible. Moorish Zealous shrieked and screamed, staring at me with pleading, celestial eyes.

The maid sunk her claws into Moorish Zealous’ supple flesh, tearing him into fleshy ribbons. I turned away and dropped down the laundry chute soundlessly.

I landed on a pile of freshly cleaned linen in a blinding white room. Venus, Elly, and Cosmic stood there, gazing at me apprehensively.

“Is he coming too?” Elly asked in a distressed tone. I shook my head, smiling, and everyone let out a sigh of relief.

“He’s dead. Forever.” I said reassuringly and we all cheered loudly and for a long time. Maybe forever. But alas, we heard the leathery roar of the leathery maid slowly making its way down the chute. The festivities would have to wait 🙁.

A door stood at the end of the room, with a bright EXIT sign above it. We made our way out the door and hailed a cab. We travelled for a long time. Maybe forever. Eventually we arrived at our destination. This was it.

“This is it, guys, the last stop. The end of the road.” The cab driver said as we left.

“I see. Thank you. I won't be paying you, so you know” I said sternly, fixing my gaze on the horizon of red sandy dunes in the distance.

“That's okay, I know” said the cab driver. “I’ve always known.”

We clambered out of the car and faced down the building before us. It was a saloon. A black saloon, at that. This was truly the middle of nowhere. No other buildings, no signs of life whatsoever. An eagle screeched somewhere overhead as a tumbleweed bounded along the road behind us. I didn’t know what it was I was looking for here. Perhaps somewhere to stay? A helping hand? A friendly face? I'm not sure I’ll find any of that here.

We saunter to the door and push it open together harmoniously. The scene inside was that of youthful bustling nightlife. The place was absolutely PACKED!!!!! I couldn't hear myself think over the pounding electronic music.

“OH FUCK” I was almost knocked off balance by the soundwave that hit me. Venus caught me as I put my hands to my ears. He and everyone else ushered me in as we tried to push through the crowd to the bar.

After several failed attempts to reach the bar, including getting forcibly attached to a conga line, we finally succeeded. The bartender would have been a sight for sore eyes, if he had been better looking.

“My name is Obsidian Leviathan. This is my other half, Venus Crypt. This is my childhood friend, Elysium Forging. And this is Cosmic Tomorrow.” I said, introducing my companions in turn, “We are looking for safety and shelter. Can we find that here?”

“Yes. We are a safe haven for all those on the run.” The man said, eyeing Cosmic suspiciously. “You can call me Steel.” Steel was such a rare name but it felt so familiar.

“Steel… Tribunal?” Venus asked. The man nodded in reply. Suddenly, I understood what was happening here and knew exactly what to say.

“Ah yes, Steel Tribunal. The love of Severus Sinuous. You know, it’s a funny story, but Venus here almost married her. Don’t worry though, I stopped him. As if he’d ever choose someone like her over someone like me.”

“Yeah, anyway I trust you can help us hide from her father. I’d do ANYTHING to get away from that situation” he shuddered.

“My darling’s father is a delusional and psychopathic man,” Steel tribunal shook his head sadly, showing each of his unflattering angles. “I truly appreciate you turning down the offer, though I know Sin Sinuous promised riches and that FIINE piece of intellect daughter” He holds a hand to his heart. “You guys are friends in this black saloon. Take a seat, rest up. I’ll grab you some steak to replenish yourselves. Not only am I a barkeep and a saloon owner, i'm also a competitive ferret handler and a food preparation worker (not related to the ferrets, they aren't food).”

We sat down at a nearby table to await our hopefully non-ferret steaks. Some of the saloon's patrons gave Venus some looks I didn’t appreciate but I fixed that problem right away and after that little fiasco, nobody would come near us 😀.

[purpleprey]

Chapter 14: Maid in Leather

After my insolent act of destroying the door, I wasn’t allowed to join my companions and this Sin Sinuous man in the lift. Instead, I was forced to journey up to where Sin’s actual private quarters were by way of a nearby dumbwaiter. It was so small and cramped in there, even more so than when I was stuck in the space under all those drivers seats. It took me three days and three nights to reach my destination and when I did, I was aghast by the sight before me.

The opulent door to Mr Sinuous’s Penthouse loomed before me. This time, I was positive I had the right door due to the red neon sign reading “THE HOUSE OF SIN (sinuous’s penthouse)” though I had to squint to read that last bit. But the clarification did not go unappreciated.

I decided to get right back to my old ways and gave the door my second biggest and strongest kick. I heard several cracks and snaps as the bones in my legs shattered. I fell to the ground slowly and gracefully, folding like a napkin (1ply). I tossed my head back and let out my most emotional bellow. I turned my head, resting it gently on the floor as my eyes came to rest on the figure of a man. Was… was that the devil!? I slowly squirmed on the lush carpeted floor, rug burn grazing my cheek.

“I… I can’t gooooooo,” I crowed repulsively like the wretch I apparently am. Mr Sinuous took one elegant step toward me.

“I’m not kicking you out quite yet, Mr…. ahhhh,” He reached down and swiftly plucked up my wrist, examining the seared scars of a serial number that I swear to ANYTHING was not there before “mr, Obsidian Leviathan!! You merely won't be refunded your $3million security deposit!”

I whipped my head around so as to not let this scoundrel see the tears of joy welling in my eyes and I quickly wiped them away on the carpet, burning my other cheek in the process.

Suddenly, I was in the air.

Sin Sinuous had gripped me by the hair and dragged me skyward, until my feet were able to stand without assistance (enough time had elapsed that my legs had fully healed and were stronger than ever). We marched towards the door which swung open with our approach, his hand never letting go of my hair. He twirled me across the marble floor of his living room like a ballerina and despite the pain it truly made me feel beautiful. He finally ejected me into a soft feather downed loveseat, My hair now thick and styled with pomade all of a sudden. My noble associates were sitting in various spots about the room. Elly by an elegant bar, Venus at a chic, modern glass coffee table by a floor to ceiling window, and Cosmic at the ivory grand piano in one of the corners. They looked up at me, with a vague interest on their faces, as I took in the odd scene.

“Obsidian, what took you so long? You missed the party. It was amazing, 50 Cent was there. The real, long-dead one!” Elly told me dreamily. By George! rich people can get away with anything! I felt fury rising up in me. I had never been more insulted in my life. As I endured trial after trial in that dumbwaiter, with a hobgoblin of all things, my so-called friends had not a care in the world. They didn’t even bother finding out where I was! I could’ve been killed by an ogre for all they knew! This was even worse than when they left my maybe-corpse by the wreckage of our ship. I clenched my jaw hard around one of the goose feathered cushions, tearing it asunder. Sin Sinuous sighed and called for a cleaning service. I expected one to come through the opulent door but that's when I realised the astray feathers were gone before they had hit the floor! Along with the desecrated cushion I was holding! As if it was never there…. And it was my own tongue I was gnawing the whole time….

I whipped my head around violently in all directions, trying helplessly to locate whatever it was that had made the magic happen. I saw a maid in leather, and I did smell damning evidence of what I was up against. I attempted to get to my feet but found that I was unable to pry my backside off of the loveseat. I kicked my feet and clawed my nails across everything I could get my mits on but to no avail. I was doomed to spend the rest of my days resting comfortably. I was so sick I almost threw up right on the goose-feathered cushions.

“Mr. Leviathan, please stop acting like an animal.” Mr. Sinuous said sharply. But I wouldn’t. I chittered and clawed like the animal I apparently was but as a result I was met with the business end of Sin Sinuous’s water spray bottle.

“Now that esteemed guest, Obsidian Leviathan, has joined our company,” He announced with a lilt “It is time to get down into something i like to call; business!”

I couldn’t help but smirk. This chuckle-head thinks he invented the word ‘business’.... Wait til he finds out hahahahh…

“Now if you would do me the honour!” he did a full 3 point axel and landed it with a flourish, gesturing extravagantly to the door “My beautiful daughter and the apple of my eye, Severus Sinuous!!”

Glitter exploded out of several hidden orifices in the walls as the door burst open. There stood the unkempt girl from earlier!!

“Hello father! It took me 3 days to prepare and preen myself, but here I am!!” She was wearing a grey hoodie and sweatpants and had her dark hair in a messy bun. She was something of ethereal beauty. Those 3 days and nights were NOT squandered! That sinful and sinuous Sin Sinuous let out a mirthful chuckle.

“Clearly that time was well spent! ‘She is something of an ethereal beauty’ is what I’m certain is going through the minds of our honoured guests. Speaking of which, I’m sure you are all wondering why I invited Mr. Venus Crypt up to my private quarters in the first place. Well it relates to, as it happens, a matter of family values! As you can plainly see, my daughter Severus is twenty and eligible. So when I saw the delectable Mr. Crypt in my casino, I did what any good father would do and decided to marry him to my daughter!”

“Sorry, what?” My head wouldn't stop ringing, there was something deeply wrong with my ears. “Get me a blue-grey pantsuit and a matching hip flask because I MUST'VE misheard you!!”

“As much as i LOVE repeating myself, Mr Leviathan (and that's a fact!!!!!), it was not YOUR ears i was hoping to reach,” He extended a manicured hand with a sturdy signet ring to Venus, “Please, son… may i call you son!?” he interrupted himself “or am i moving too fast ahahaha!! Sorry I'm so nervous!!!! Blushing like a schoolgirl!! But I need an heir to my vast Las Vegas riches and you are most tantalising. I couldn’t imagine a better ambassador/mascot to the brand and frankly… between you and I, that only daughter of mine is already TWENTY, can you believe… I mean, that clock is TICKING!!!”

I don’t know if I had ever seen Venus look so shocked which was kinda odd to me, I’d assume someone as alluring as him must be no stranger to proposals from strangers. Although, I guess you don’t meet a whole lot of new people when you live in a creek. We might have even been the first people he’d ever met. I liked that. Venus opened his mouth and shut it again. He did this multiple times, like an insect was repeatedly tripping his three to four sensor hairs.

“Listen, I am no stranger to proposals. I have been engaged four times before, even married once. These three here, they are nowhere near the first people I have met,” Venus stated and I felt myself turn into an external stomach, digesting my heart, “But I am a man that learns from my mistakes. That is why this time, I have to follow my heart and not my ego. I can not marry you, Severus, because my heart belongs to another.” Weirdly, it almost looked as though Severus was… relieved?

“Venus, while I can’t deny that you are incredibly nubile, I have to admit that I’m not disappointed by your refusal. For you see, my heart also belongs to another.” I spat.

“Not disappoi- NOT DISAPPOINTED? Speak for yourself, pumpkin, I am INCREDIBLY disappointed!” Sin Sinuous scoffed, a single strand of intensely styled hair hanging over his forehead, shattering his put together appearance.

“Father! You KNOW how I feel about Steel Tribunal!! He may not be perfect in the looks department, by ANY means, but he has a mind like no other!!” she swooned.

“Absolutely not, blossom, you KNOW my policy on uggos!” he briefly side-eyed me, a thin black eye-brow raised. Severus searched for the words to rebut Sir Sinuous but was at quite a loss. She knew her father’s policy and knew it well. I assume in her past, many lovers have been given the axe by her protective father. The floor with the guillotine I misstepped upon during my dumbwaiter era told the story of a thousand souls.

Sinuous sighed “Look, my pumpernickel porkchop, surely you’d do well settling for a man with Venus’s fine stature” He devoured him with his eyes “And besides!” He shimmied in close to her ear with a mischievous glint “between you and me, my little thousand island dressing! You know your old man is partial to the odd affair TEEHEE!!”

Severus lowered her head and scuffed her slipper on the floor, “I guess… But I have to be the only one homewrecking, my poor heart can’t handle it otherwise!”

Venus suddenly stammered his way into the conversation “if, if that is the case! There is no way this union could work since my heart and soul are pretty spoken for” His face was red from embarrassment. I really had never seen him in such a compromising state before. “It just would not be fair on you, miss Sinuous or,,,,, the other,, person,,,,” he hesitated shyly.

This caused Sin Sinuous to direct his attention on the anxious merman. “I really didn’t think you’d be my greatest source of disappointment today, Venus,” he said and I saw him glance in my direction.

“Just who, pray tell, is this person that has you so enamoured?”

“I know this will sound certifiable but the person that I like is …” He drew in a breath before he continued. I was still reeling from the sudden lore drop. I pressed the heels of my palms to my temples to steady my thinking. Where the fuck am I?? What’s goin on?!?

“Ok i know you will all say “Venus, that is crazy”” he went on “And i will say “I know, but i am telling the truth” and you will say “Venus, no way, this is so sudden” and I will say “I have been dropping hints I think” so you see, um, uh.. It is not SO weird” he chuckled nervously again, his eyes dart nervously around the room.

“So you see… what i am trying to say is…. The person I TRULY like….”

I was dizzy, faint, ready to pass out. This was the strongest feeling of deja vu I had ever experienced. My head swam with library books and severed heads. I felt the familiar flavours of boiled skin and bay leaves fighting its way back up my throat somehow. I wanted to cry, to scream, to let out all of my pent-up wrath on Sin fucking Sinuous. Knowing that Venus was about to talk about his ludicrous feelings for Cougar Husbandry all over again, I turned to him with tears in my eyes. He was looking right at me. By this point, he looked so nervous that his eye seemed to be twitching.

“... Is Obsidian Leviathan.”

[purpleprey]

Chapter 13: Twenty and Eligible

I woke up many weeks later, to find myself surrounded by the wreckage of our ship. My three companions were sitting on a bench nearby, laughing and chatting whilst eating some nachos. I groaned as I sat up, expecting to be weak and in pain but, actually, I felt fine! All of the glass in my body had dislodged and my wounds had been cauterised. Had my colleagues tended to me after the crash?? I stood up and frolicked towards them, tears of joy springing from my eyes.

The bench at which my mates were seated was across a road and so I was forced to jaystroll to get to them. They looked up at me as I approached with a mixture of concern, relief, and slight indifference in their eyes (less indifference than usual, I should note).

"We thought you were dead!!!" Cosmic cried out, tears of joy also streaming down his face! My pace faltered for a moment as I wondered why they would've just left my supposed corpse laying there. They clearly didn't once approach my body to determine if I still had a pulse so they definitely weren't tending to my many wounds. I stopped and looked back to the crash site. I see, the sudden collision had dislodged the glass and the red hot sheets of metal had cauterised my open wounds, simultaneously knocking me out for weeks which left me enough time to rest and regenerate plasma.

“So you three have just been sitting here for weeks doing what exactly?” I asked.

Elly spoke up: “Well, we were in intensive care for about a week or so but once we were cleared to leave the hospital we came back here to see what was going on with you and you were exactly as we left you so we decided to just hang out here for a bit. You seemed pretty dead so Venus suggested we put sunglasses on you and carry you around so Cosmic wouldn’t be so sad. We were actually discussing it just now haha.”

"I'm so glad you're alive, Obsidian!" Cosmic spoke up "i would've been *real* scared if we had to carry a friend’s dead body around… 😟"

I had a lot of mixed feelings at this point. I stared each of my “friends” down in turn; first Cosmic, then Elly, but I faltered when my eyes met Venus’. I just couldn’t stay mad at him when he looked like that.

It was just then that I remembered Avian Dust and her generous gift of a good time in Los Angeles. It had been weeks since our call, surely we had missed our reservations that I had never told anyone about. I began spinning in a circle, squawking, as I tried to geolocate our location. Unfortunately, I was no GPS.

It was then I heard coughing and spluttering in the rubble. Oh god… someone was hit!!!! I started to rummage through the debris to look for the victim. As I pushed aside the hunks of metal I still found nothing!!!

“Marco!” I called out desperately, hoping for a response. I strained my ears to listen out for the response. That's when I heard a small “polo” crackle out of the broken stereo system by my feet. AmFrederik… He looked hurt…

I knelt down and scooped up the speaker with both of my hands.

“Hello… Captain *cough cough*” he tried to say electronically “ I am… AmFrederik *cough*. I am… was… the A.I. companion of this… ship.. *cough sputter*” He choked on his words, clinging to his remaining battery.

“AmFredrick…” I grit my teeth solemnly “We have reservations at a nearby hotel. Could you check the files of some in the area and give us the directions?”

“It’s… it’s so.. Cold!” He breathed shakily. I said nothing while I waited for the directions I had already asked for. After a heavy silence he coughed “t-take a right at th.. the next intersection,.. Continue straight and *cough splutter* … You’ll find it on your *cough* left…”

“Ok… well, thank you,” I started to put him back on the floor when he started to cry.

“Please! m-my captain! *cough wheeze* You can't leave me, I… I don't want to be alone *cough cough cough*” He wirelessly wept. I faltered, since this was a very human moment, even for the most advanced artificial intelligence. The headmaster’s face flashed before my eyes for a few moments and I realised I couldn’t leave AmFrederik to face his demise on his own.

I sat down on the ground, placed the speaker on my lap, and said with a sigh, “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.” However, I couldn’t be sure he could even hear me since he was still crying so loudly. I wondered for a brief moment if this was how my companions felt the numerous times that I myself had cried and screamed at an extremely loud volume but that thought was drowned out when AmFrederik began to scream.

It was horrible. A wordless, guttural noise; the kind of sound that one could only make when staring into the face of their own mortality and realising they don’t like the look of what’s waiting for them on the other side. I briefly wondered if artificial intelligence programs were even allowed to be sent to hell but it seems I had my answer.

AmFredrik screamed an unending scream and, after I had enough time to adjust to the noise, I began to scream along with him. Before I knew it… the only scream filling the site of the wreckage… was my own. When my throat finally became sore, I shut my sorrowful maw. As my tears continued to flow, I could only hear the faint crackle of static coming from the dead radio. I stood up, clutching the radio in my hands and threw it as far as I could, until it disappeared into the distance. Now I would be able to move on.

I turned on my heel and strutted over to my friends, who were all still sitting on their bench, slack jawed.

“Come now, friends,” I chirped, “we have places to be!”

I hailed a passing cab since I feel okay about modern technology and God hasn’t told me to avoid it. We clambered in and I gave the driver the directions that were AmFredrick’s parting message and we were there in no time, since it would’ve been a 3 minute walk. I just wanted to make my point about technology clear. But when I stepped out of the cab, I was floored. This hotel was HUGE!! It took up the entire block with its gold plated pillars and flashing neon signs. Avian Dust must be absolutely loaded (like myself) to be able to afford to have us stay in a place such as this!!

Venus and Elly got out of the car after me to see the establishment for themselves and I heard a thump as Cosmic tried and failed to get down from the roof of the car without falling (the car was missing a seat so alternative arrangements had to be made). All three of them gave their own expressions of awe and excitement.

I led my posse through the elegant front doors and we found ourselves in an expansive lobby, with a receptionist desk a good 100 metres away from us. I began to make my way over, joyous to notice that the other guests were staring at me and whispering to each other. It was only when I finally arrived at the desk that I turned around to see my three travelling companions were still at the entrance to the joint, giving me mortified looks. I stared at them blankly for a moment, before I turned away and happened to catch sight of myself in a mirror. The extreme heat from the crash had burnt away all of my clothing.

My face went red from embarrassment. The most embarrassing part was that I couldn’t rock the look as well as Venus. Oh well. I was in too deep now, so I swung my head to look at the receptionist. She smiled at me professionally in her sleek BLACKPINK business casual attire though she was remarkably dead behind the eyes.

“I have a booking under the name Obsidian Leviathan,” I smirked. She began typing on her keyboard without breaking professional eye-contact with me.

“Yes, we have a booking of two rooms here under your name, which is unusual since you don't smell like money!” She remarked. Before I could whine at her she went on, “Unfortunately, it's apparent there are 4 of you, but one of the rooms has one king sized bed instead of the 2 single beds that would be appropriate.”

I did a victorious fistbump before assuring the receptionist that it was more… than okay. Oh Avian what a FINE legacy you’ve left for me!!!! A most conniving smile graced my face and it took a few minutes before I was able to fight it off. I climbed aboard the hotel’s lift as I heard the thunderous sound of my companions’ footsteps behind. They weren’t wanting to be left behind, after all.

We arrived at our floor (number 14) and disembarked the lift. I glanced at my group as we made our way to our rooms and couldn’t help but blush a lil seeing the astonishment on Venus’ face. He had lived in a creek his whole life, I can’t imagine that he’d ever been to a place like this before. I really knew how to treat a guy huhuhu.

“We oughta work out room arrangements!” Cosmic informed us gleefully “Two of us will have to share a bed. I really don’t mind-”

“I WILL CUT YOU OFF THERE, COSMIC,” I said calmly, passing him a room key gently with the force to almost shatter his hand. “Take one of the single beds, or so help me…”

“Wow! Thank you, Obsidian!!” He beamed, “How very generous of you!”

My plan was coming together flawlessly. Or so it seemed…

“Well,” Elly began to speak and my neck audibly snapped to stare at her, “It only makes sense… since Obsidian and I have known each other the longest…” she blushed her hair behind her ear coyly. Before I could become provoked to hit her… Venus spoke up!!!

“Actually, Elly, as much as that makes sense, I think it would make even more sense for me to take that room. Obsidian can share it with me, since he is the one who brought us here and all that.” he said, giving me a soft smile that made my eyes well up with tears. I felt as though I was about to throw up, as much as I wanted this exact situation to go down I thought I’d have to push more.

We had reached our rooms by this point and I had to fight away my conniving smile once again as I unlocked the door and Venus and I walked into our shared room!!! I made a bee-line to the bed. Due to everything that had happened recently, I hadn’t been able to sleep on a real bed in a long while. And to think, I’d get to share it with Venus. I flopped down onto the bed and struck my most alluring pose as I looked over to see Venus checking out the bathroom.

“You must be tired,” I said suavely, though I was sweating because he probably wasn't tired. He’s been eating nachos all day so he’ll probably take offence to my lie.

“Yeah,” He said and I raised my eyes in shock. This was it. I waited for him to emerge from the bathroom until I heard the sound of running water.

“Oh Venus!” I cooed, “whatever are you doing?” I couldn’t hold this pose forever. My body was beginning to cramp. I needed to make this happen, and fast, before my body became locked in the uncomfortable position forever. Why was the water still running, what could he possibly be doing in there?

“I’m just getting ready for bed.” I heard him call from the bathroom. I was immediately energised, the cramps that had begun to form had vanished. My mind raced as I wondered what he might be doing with all that water. I allowed my smile to make its return to my face, awaiting the moment when he would finally emerge from the bathroom.

Except he didn’t. Was.. was he ok?? He did say he was tired but… surely a merman couldn't drown or anything. So what was going on???? I slinked off the bed and over to the bathroom to tap on the door, except I found he had left the bathroom door wide open because of course he did, he’s Venus Crypt.

The sight I was greeted with made me immediately nauseous. The tiles of the bathroom were an exact match to the ones in the bathroom at the wedding reception of one Mr. and Mrs. Touch. Bad things had happened in that bathroom, namely me being beaten to the precipice of death by the exact man who was currently fast asleep in the filled bathtub.

In a lapse of judgement, fuelled entirely by a sudden rush of emotion I plunged my hands into the lukewarm water to shake him awake. Venus awoke, startled, swinging a damp fist at me and spinning my fucking jaw. I hit the familiar tiles in a familiar way, curling up in regret.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKER” Venus roared. I covered my mouth, making sure that my pained whimper didn’t escape my lips. I tried my hardest to push myself into a seated position but found that I couldn’t quite manage it. I stuttered for a moment before finally landing on an excuse.

“I thought… you were drowning.” I said, and the words sounded stupid before they even left my mouth but it was all I can think to say. I couldn’t risk letting him know the truth of my behaviour, not yet anyways.

Venus closed his eyes and sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his STRONG grecian nose.

“I am sorry, Obsidian. I should not have raised my voice.” he winced, “I just have this terrible headache and..-” he cut himself off, shaking his head. He looked at me and then opened his sensual brown eyes. Now that he had calmed down, I felt confident enough to get to my feet. Hopefully, we could salvage this moment to my advantage and take some much needed steps in the right direction.

“Alright then, Obsidian, goodnight.” Venus said quietly and submerged himself in the water of the tub once again. He fell asleep immediately then closed his sensual brown eyes.

When I woke up, I was surprised to find wet footprints on the carpet of my hotel room and the door wide open. Venus had escaped.

I WAS NAKED FOR GOD'S SAKE, HOW COULD HE LEAVE ME ALL EXPOSED LIKE THAT? I tucked and rolled out of bed and threw a wardrobe open, finding a luxurious complementary bathrobe. I pushed it aside, desperate to find something to cover myself, and tore the wallpaper from the wall behind, wrapping myself crudely. In my new big red “dress”, I ran out the door and down the hall to where I knew Elly and Cosmic were sharing a room. I went to give the door my signature knock but discovered it was also left open and my companions were nowhere to be found! I fell to my knees, buckling forward in agony, my nails tearing into the carpet. The apocalypse had come and I was the sole survivor. As I had predicted, The rapture had swallowed everyone up into the fiery depths leaving me behind.

“What are you doing?” A voice behind me asked and I turned around to see a bellhop staring down at me. Were he and I the last two people here on Earth? I opened my mouth, preparing to ask him who he was but instead all I could manage was a low, guttural sound. I cleared my throat and tried again. The bellhop was kind enough to wait for me in a forced-to-provide-customer-service kind of way.

“This cannot be…” I groaned, “There must be other factors,, there's no way my soul was saved from hell and Venus Crypt’s was not…”

“Venus Crypt?” The bellhop contributed, seemingly only hearing one part of my sentence, “Mr. Crypt checked into the casino not long ago. I couldn’t forget something like that,” he blussed a lil.

Huzzah! Venus (and the others whom the bellhop wouldn't care about either) must be in the casino! I jumped to my feet, and raced off in search of this gambling den. I hadn’t had the chance to explore the hotel and study its layout before I went to bed. Come to think of it, I didn’t even remember getting in bed or going to sleep but I was only able to deal with one problem at a time. I had a Mr. Crypt to hunt down.

I ran down seemingly endless hallways, each one completely empty of people except one. When turning the corner after the fiftieth identical hallway, I almost collided with a whole queue of people lined up in front of a doorway with a big sign above it saying “CASINO” in bright blue letters. I jogged nervously in place, I had no time to lose. I was feeling overdressed and alone. What if everyone was staring at me?! I needed to get in, these side characters don't have enough lines to care.

“BOLLO” I cried, pushing through the line, leaving 10 dead, 17 injured and 1.5 missing by the time I reached the door. The casino was grand. It was 4 storeys high and gold plated like the rest of the building obviously. I let out a gasp that was also quite grand. So grand that I couldn’t breathe for several minutes. I almost suffocated.

Once my breathing steadied, I began to power-walk through the casino, desperate to find Venus. Instead I only found Cosmic at a poker table with multiple large piles of chips surrounding him. I was rather certain he was too young to be allowed to gamble, but I wasn't willing to get kicked out over scolding him and making his crimes known. Rather, the scolding should happen in private.

I debated asking him for Venus’s whereabouts, but he seemed pretty psyched about the thrill of the gamble, and he is talkative when he's excited. So I kept my head down and raised a hand to shield my face from him as I stormed past. I was careful not to let all the flashing lights disorientate me as I tried to sneak by, but as I looked up, I saw him, shining brighter than all the lights, consequently blinding me. Before I gazed my final gaze, I recognised Venus on the second storey of the casino, smiling like I’d never seen him smile before.

I ran towards him, feeling happier than I ever had in my life. Making my way to the second storey, I called his name but he couldn’t hear me. As I frolicked over to him, I failed to notice the roulette table he was standing at and wound up smacking straight into it, resulting in me splayed out on the table.

“That's another win! Congratulations, Mr. Crypt” The gaming attendant beamed, clapping her hands together.

I craned my neck up to Venus who was filled with childlike excitement. Somehow, I had won him the game so I was feeling rather pleased with myself too. I slipped off the table and found myself by the feet of Elly. I popped up beside her and considered placing a bet myself since this seemed to be where all the action was happening. I was rather familiar with the gambling scene, as was Elly.

“You know these things are rigged, right?” I scoffed, mansplaining to Elysium.

“I know,” She failed to indulge me “That's why I brought Venus”

A bell started ringing and the gaming attendant started to howl.

“Congratulations, Mr. Crypt!” She engaged in a celebratory conformist dance move “You’ve won another jackpot!!!!”

Venus beamed! It was a glorious sight. “I do not even know the rules!!” He remarked in surprise.

I had never felt so neglected. I had splayed myself across the table, helping him to achieve another win, and he didn’t even seem to notice me. I was so incredibly morose.

“You are so unbelievably lucky and hot!” The attendant continued to dance on the floor in a socially acceptable way. I thought it was a kind thing for her to say until I connected the dots and realised that they were just rigging the game to impress him. They simply don't understand the dangers of an ego like I did (See: Ego Season). Although, I don’t even know if Venus really understood currency. I want to keep him safe from capitalism, you see. He's too sexy for that. I, however, am too sexy to resist so I offered to carry his chips like the good friend I apparently am.

I tore off the very bottom of my wallpaper dress and fashioned it into a bag of sorts to carry the overwhelming amount of chips Venus had accrued. I hurriedly scooped them into the wallpaper-bag and as I did, I heard important footsteps approaching us.

I looked around for the source of the click clacking frantically. The sound penetrated through the massive crowd.

"Well well well!!!" An eccentric sounding voice cooed. Out from behind a group of casino goers gracefully lept a well dressed man in a black tailcoat and a peacock blue ascot. He had slick black hair and a small, neat moustache. He landed soundlessly on one knee and one hand. The crowd that he had cleared gasped and begun to applaud wealthily. He stood and extended a dainty hand.

Venus grasped the man's hand. This man clearly had an important role to play in this story and it seemed that even Venus was impressed by him. Venus asked the man his name.

“I am Sin Sinuous.” The man declared and to my horror, I realised that this Sin Sinuous fella was admiring Venus Crypt.

"And you must be the man who's taking all my money!" Sin Sinuous went on. A hearty silence filled the air of the casino which was abruptly broken by Sin Sinuous' hearty chortle "I jest! I jest! What's your name, you fine gentleman!"

"Why, it is Venus Crypt" Venus chuckled a little nervously. Mid chuck, Sin Sinuous rather rudely interrupted.

"WELL Mr Venus Crypt, sir, how about you join me for supper in my private quarters?! It would be an honour and a pleasure to speak to a man with luck like your own,"

PRIVATE QUARTERS?? What a psycho and a perv and a sick freak. This was certainly not a man with family values, not in the slightest!!

"Mind if I butt in for just a moment," I intervened. This was a move more audacious than Sin Sinuous had ever seen. In his shock and surprise I took the opportunity to continue before he could assure me he absolutely did mind. "Venus Crypt is a dear FRIEND of ours! I'm sure he'd feel more comfortable if we came along too,"

Sin Sinuous looked me up and down, a glint in his eye suggesting he admired my audacity.

"Mr. Crypt," he began. "Would you like me to call security to handle this stalker?" A stampede of thunderous footsteps could be heard from the back of the room. It wouldn't be long until security was upon me…

"Oh no, these are, in fact, my friends. If it is alright with you, Mr Sinuous, I would feel more comfortable with them." Venus said whilst basked in a holy light, God himself was shining down on this act of great mercy.

"W,, well of course" Sin Sinuous seemed rather baffled but composed himself just well enough "oh and, please, it's Sin, to you. MISTER Sinuous was my father OHOHOHOHOOHOHOHO."

With that, this Sin Sinuous fella turned on his heel and began to stride off, presumably to his private quarters. I turned to my companions to suggest we run while he wasn’t looking but they stormed straight past me and followed “Sin’s” lead.

I raced at full speed to catch up with my gang. They were all waiting for this man named Sin (😡😡) to unlock the door to his “private quarters”. I had had enough. I pushed past them all, and gave the door my biggest and strongest kick. The door flung open with a deafening crunch of the splintering wood. Inside was a young lady, seated at a gilded vanity. She had dark hair in a messy bun and was wearing a comfortable looking hoodie and sweatpants. She stared at us in shocked terror.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKER?” Sin Sinuous cried, making my head ache, “THIS IS THE BEDROOM OF MY TWENTY YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, WE WERE WAITING FOR THE LIFT TO MY QUARTERS!'' The soft ding of the elevator beside us confirmed Sin Sinuous’ tall tale. The 20 year old young lady screamed and dove over her bed to hide herself. Seeing the state she was in, I couldn’t blame her. I had caught her at a moment she was truly indecent.

She was definitely twenty and eligible. Just not for me, in her hideous state.

[purpleprey]

Chapter 12: Avian Legacy

“We have to get out of here!” I cried, as we walked through the quickly crumbling reality. I pointed ahead of us where some of the ceiling had caved in, revealing a possible way out. The debris had fallen in a way to create a staircase right to our salvation. Despite how lucky this was, it was SURELY a terrible, terrible sign of just how fucking broken time and space was. We Last Boss’d over to the staircase before dropping fully to our hands and feet so that we could clamber up the steps. On the surface of the prison moon, it was complete chaos. Even more than before. Disgraceful place, wouldn't recommend to anyone.

We had found ourselves in the garden once more where we could only watch as both prisoners and guards alike ran around in a panic. It was pandemonium. We stood in the temporary safety of the garden as the buildings surrounding began to explode and implode simultaneously. I turned to my friends in a slight daze. What had we done to this place?

“We need to leave right now,” Elly said sternly. I glanced up at the glass dome that was starting to crack. That would probably be bad I reckon. We turned to the one building that remained: the one that led down to the prison moon’s garage. From there we could find a ship that would allow us to escape this place once and for all. We’d have to move fast though, lest the roof collapse onto our vulnerable noggins. We darted into the building and then bolted down the seemingly never-ending staircase that should lead us to the garage. But half an hour into our bolting and we still hadn’t reached our destination. And then we did, slowly... then all at once. We found a locked iron door. We stared at the door in shock. How were we supposed to get past this?

Suddenly Venus spoke up: “Um, Cosmic, do you still have that key that Bionic Arcadia gave you?”

Cosmic reached his whole forearm into the chest pocket of his overalls. After rummaging for a while he pulled out the keys, novelty keychain attached.

“Yes, I still have that key that Bionic Arcadia gave me.” He stared at us and we stared back at him. A few seconds passed of this before Cosmic finally realised what we wanted to do and unlocked the door for us all. The key was a perfect fit, I let out a sigh of satisfaction. We hurried in to find a row of Mad Maxxed out golf carts, some old space cars from way back in the day of 2022, A BMW 523S, and just past the cars were the spaceships. THOSE were our way off this decaying moon. We raced to the nearest spaceship and waved our hands at it, triggering the motion-activated doors.

The inside of the spaceship was pretty basic but it would have to do. Elly, Venus and I all ran towards the captain’s chair at once. I managed to make it there first (as only the true leader would) and was faced with a horrifying realisation: we hadn’t found out where the spaceship keys were kept!

“Shit!” I exclaimed, slamming my fists on the steering wheel, activating the A.I. companion.

“Hello Captain, I am AmFrederik. I am the A.I. companion of this ship. Where are the keys? You haven’t put them in yet.” Spoke the robotic voice of AmFrederik from the ship’s speakers.

I groaned, these things are so annoying. “AmFrederik, deactivate.” i commanded.

“I’m sorry captain, I cannot do that. Please insert the keys,” Said AmFredrick in a friendly fake voice. I growled in anger.

“I haven’t got the time for this, AmFrederik,” I said in my most Captain-y voice, “Just fucking deactivate!”

“Wait,” Venus spoke up, shoving me away, “AmFrederik, can you tell us where the keys are?”

“No.” Was all AmFrederik said in response.

Venus sighed. “Whatever,” he muttered, before pushing me further out of the way to flip down the mirror above the front window. It was then that I realised just how deeply Moorish Zealous’ words had cut him. He was so damaged and insecure about his facial hair that he had to look at himself in the shitty spaceship mirrors, the least-flattering type of mirror out there. But that's when I realised!

“The keys!!” I hollered, noticing the keys attached to the mirror flap with an elastic band. Venus didn't react, he was too busy sadly running his hand along his jaw in the mirror, overthinking his facial hair.

However, someone else did notice. It was AmFrederik!

“You have the keys, I hear!” AmFrederick artificially announced. “Quickly now, put them in me.” I grimaced but complied, inserting the keys as requested.

“YES.” AmFrederik shouted synthetically, his engine revving loudly. I tried to put the space ship into drive but the gear shift wouldn’t budge.

“Before we go,” AmFrederik’s manufactured voice rang out, “You must answer some security questions.”

“FUCK!!!” I roared, slamming my head onto the steering wheel.

“Umm, Obsidian??” Cosmic’s tiny and concerned voice spoke up. I turned around to glare at Cosmic, who was looking out the back window where the garage was starting to disintegrate. I threw my head back in annoyance.

“Alright, AmFrederik, go ahead.” Elly spoke up as I kept my gaze locked on the ceiling.

“First question,” Begun AmFrederik in his cheery tone. “What is your favourite food?”

I froze up. How am I supposed to know the ship’s ACTUAL owner’s favourite food!!??

“We just have to guess,” Elly whispered to me, “We don't have time!”

This was a lot of pressure. “Um… calamari…” I gritted my teeth, taking an absolute stab in the dark. I waited tensely for a reply.

“Second question,” AmFrederik continued. I sighed in relief, amazed I’d somehow telepathically known calamari was the right answer. Elly and Venus patted me on the shoulders in support as I waited in anticipation for the next question.

“What makes you unique?” AmFrederik had the gall to ask me. Who chooses that security question? The captain of this ship did and I needed to get into his mindset if I wanted to survive this.

I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly, shifting my mindset, getting into The Zone. “What makes me unique? Heh… what an interesting question,” I chuckled, still within The Zone, “I have to say, my soul, my heart beats to a different beat than those around me. Y’know, it's funny… I’ve known since a young age that I was different from everyone else but it wasn’t until I was eleven that I realised just what that difference was: I’m an empath. My heart doesn't just beat at a different rhythm, it simultaneously beats in perfect harmony with everyone, with the earth. Some people don’t understand but y'know, I GET that. I have so much love to give. I, Robbing “Succa” Wang, know how it feels TO feel. I just want to share my gift with the world <3”

There was a moment of silence. I sat in the captain's seat with my eyes still closed, cultivating the persona of Robbing “Succa” Wang that I had created, hoping that since that was the most common name in this universe, it’d be the right answer.

“Question three,” AmFrederik went on, signalling that I’d gotten the right answer, ripping me out of The Zone in ecstasy. I was once again Obsidian Leviathan. I awaited the next question tensely.

“Do you want to get a drink sometime?” AmFredrick stated.

Oh.

I knew I was irresistible but I didn’t realise that that extended to non-living entities. I was floored.

“Uh, uhm, AmFrederik if you get us out of here, I’ll give you whatever you want.” I promised.

“Do you promise?” AmFrederik asked.

“Yes, I just did.” I answered.

“Ok, captain!” AmFrederik responded, the engine revving again. “We are ready 2 go! The security questions were all a ruse! Only newer versions of AmFrederik have that function.”

Before I could respond in rage and anger, we entered light-speed, just as the last scrap of the garage turned to dust behind us.

It would still be a decent amount of time until we reached Earth, which gave me ample time to reflect on things, and as a result, as I turned to look at the last particles of S/2003 J 2 disappear behind us through the rear window, my mind flashed back to The Headmasters diary. All this time, I had thought he was some kind of cruel and unreasonably attractive being but as it turns out, he was simply a heartbroken and unreasonably attractive being. We had misunderstood his intentions.

It seemed the others also had Headmaster on the brain, but their memory of the man was different.

“I can't believe we actually managed to KILL the Headmaster!! :D” Cosmic cheered hugging Elysium in celebration, blissfully unaware of the deeply humbling and traumatizing words in the diary I had read. As the others partied and rejoiced, my senses started to leave me and I became numb with grief. A single tear rolled down my cheek as a disco ball lowered from the spaceship ceiling and Elly started to play some music that I would’ve considered a bop, had I not felt so... empty. The Headmaster was more human than any of us, he had said it to me himself after I had tazed Cosmic during the ego season. I truly was a criminal, I belonged on a prison moon he himself didn’t really belong on. I looked at my murderous hands, repulsed, until the flashing rainbow rave lights hurt my poor lil eyes. I needed to shut this shit down. I rifled through my pockets, trying to find something of use. The only thing I found was the relic of a phone that Avian Dust gifted me. I guess that would do.

I aimed carefully and threw the phone directly at the disco ball, shattering it instantly :). The glass shards rained down onto me unfortunately. This both hurt and embarrassed me as everyone turned to look at me. I curled up fearfully, forgetting what I was going to say.

“Is there a problem, Obsidian?? It’s just a small get together to celebrate YOU murdering the Headmaster :D” Elysium comforted me unwisely. I slowly uncurled and stood up, dazzling like a character straight out of Twilight (It's a pretty old film, you probably wouldn't get the reference lol :/) because of all of the glass embedded in me. I tried my best to give my companions a look that would convey all of the sorrow (because of the headmaster) and pain (because of the glass) I was experiencing, but I couldn’t quite manage it.

“Aww don't be so humble, Obsidian!! It’s all thanks to you the headmaster is dead!! It's all your fault!!” Cosmic beamed “Don't be afraid to take some responsibility for once!!! Now get in here!! It’s party time!!!!!!!” Both Cosmic and Elysium ganged up on me, taking an arm each and tugging me onto the spaceship’s dancefloor that all spaceships have. The lights shone onto me, illuminating me as the human disco ball I apparently was. The lights reflected gloriously off the tears of guilt and remorse that ran down my face too, which didn’t help my situation.

I needed a way out of this and I was fortunate enough to be handed one when I heard Venus sigh, still sitting at the front of the ship. He was going through something, he must need a compassionate voice to talk with. I needed some comfort of my own, still trying to cope with the guilt of ending the life of a misunderstood celestial being, and Venus had also read the diary that haunted me. He was the only person here who could understand the emotional turmoil I was struggling with. I evacuated the dance floor, infected by the sound, and walked over to stand by Venus’ side, making eye contact with him through the mirror.

"Hey," I murmured as I sat on the floor beside the captain's seat. He didn't reply, he simply continued to gaze into his reflection worriedly. I looked down at my hands nervously, searching for the magic words I could offer to ease the tension.

"Do…You want to talk about it?" I queried.

"Not unless you happen to have a razor, or a particularly sharp rock" he grumbled, still assessing his almost feminine chin in the mirror, not even sparing me a glance. THAT WAS SO STUPID OF ME. WHAT A STUPID, STUPID QUESTION. I thought violent and vengeful thoughts towards myself but then I realised I had said them out loud.

Venus tore his eyes from the mirror, looking at my glass-filled body. His eyes lit up for a moment. I'd never seen his eyes shine in such a way while looking at me.

He reached towards me, oh so slowly, and gripped a glass shard, unsheathing it from my flesh.

"Yes, this will do!" He gleamed, turning back to the mirror, shaving along his sharp, excellent jawline with the edge of the fractal.

I looked down at the inside of my arm where he had extracted the glass. Blood was spilling out like a fountain. He had unplugged a hole made by the glass in an artery! This is rare! I looked back up at him, feeling more light-headed than usual.

"Thanks for this, Obsidian," he smiled, still focused on his grooming and not on my dangerously paling face, "I feel much better. Now nothing is weighing on my mind, especially nothing I should feel guilty about."

"Ah.. about that," I began, my mind flashing back to The Headmaster… “you read his… fuzzy pink diary… right?”

Venus paused his actions to consider what I was saying.

“Yeah, I did,” he said, “It was a good read.” He resumed his shaving and I gasped in shock!!

“Is that it?!?!?” I continued to gasp in shock “it was so harrowing, Venus! He was more human than any of us…” Venus laughed, interpreting what I said as a joke, I suppose because he wasn't traditionally human. I was dismayed, this was almost ruining the perfect perception of Venus that I placed upon a pedestal. If he could read something as emotionally traumatising as that and feel nothing, what else was he capable of?

Venus inspected his face in the mirror, having finished his flawless shaving job before looking down at me which was generous of him to do. He raised his eyebrows, seeing the dismay on my face as I opened and closed my mouth like a fish as I tried to search for the words I wanted to say.

“Look,” he began, “It shook me a little at the time of reading, but… it does not really matter. After all, it was about our freedom, our survival,” he raised an eyebrow, “Obsidian… What is more important? The headmaster or our master plan?” I sighed, because the correct answer to this trick question was obviously that Venus was the most important.

“Just because it was necessary, doesn’t mean I can feel good about it,” I sighed, “It’s just a little surprising to me that you’re able to brush this aside with such ease. His face is all I can think about now.” Venus gave me a weird look.

“Do you believe in an afterlife, Obsidian?”

I stared at Venus, not knowing what to say! This was a heavy question…

“WHAT!” I invited him to elaborate further.

“Well, it’s interesting,” he went on. Except, he didn't go on. He snapped the mirror closed abruptly, punctuating his very ominous thought, as he vacated the driver's seat. He walked over to where Elly and Cosmic were still partying. I considered following him, but when I tried to get to my feet, my legs buckled and I collapsed back to the ground in a heap.

I had almost forgotten, I was still bleeding out. I started seeing double so I let my head rest on the cold hard floor of the ship (by choice). Surely I was in the right headspace to make a very important phone call. Venus and I were drifting apart due to our separate moral outlooks! It's time I made The Call…

I spied the old rotary phone lying on the dance floor, surrounded by the very few disco ball shards that weren’t currently stuck in my body (aside from the one Venus used as a razor). I clenched my eyes shut, grit my teeth in determination and began to drag myself inch by inch across the ship’s floor. It took a long time due to my dizziness, but after leaving a considerable snail trail of blood, my hand finally blindly grabbed the phone. Thank god that was over! Now to find somewhere private to talk.

I continued dragging myself until I made it to the bathroom. I hoisted myself into a seating position and looked at the phone, realising I didn’t know Avian’s number. However, before I could even consider fetching my Yellow Pages, the phone started to ring. My hand lunged toward the receiver but I missed by a number of inches. After a while, I finally succeeded and answered the phone eloquently.

“Hhhheheyy avidsndf” I greeted her. My head hit the floor again and I groaned in pain. Somehow, it seems the phone did not pick up the sound since Avian Dust didn't seem to notice.

“Yes? What is it?” She did not greet me.

“Aaaviandshasjd i dontty tinkf venush liiekwds me :((((“

“What??” she asked. She mustn't have been able to hear me since I realised my hand was shaking since my body suddenly became very cold. I tried to repeat myself but my voice came out as nothing more than a pained groan. I was very happy that Venus wasn’t able to hear it.

Avian then spoke again. “I can’t understand a word you’re saying. Speak up now or forever hold your peace.”

“Venuth” I wheezed out. How odd, I’m usually far more composed than this. I lay there in a pool of tears that I cannot be sure were even my own since I don't remember crying them out.

“Ah… ok, based on context clues, I’m going to make an assumption. So, here's what you're gonna do. You want to bond with Venus, right?”

I nodded. Just felt like the right thing to do over the phone.

“What are his interests? What does he do for a living? These are the fundamental questions you have to be asking a romantic interest. But you already know that, right?” she rhetorically questioned me. I shook my head. She rolled her eyes.

“Ok look,” Avian went on, trying to speed up this conversation, “how about i set you up in a nice little place on earth? A nice little hotel or something? NOTHING like quality time,”

I tried to blush a lil, but I simply could not. Was Avian really going to, so kindly, wingman me? Since her name is Avian it shouldn’t be surprising. I nodded again, more enthusiastically this time and Avian smiled.

“Looks like you're hurtling straight for Los Angeles. I've pulled some “strings” and booked some rooms in a real fancy place. The rest is up to you,” and with that she hung up. I was so excited i didn't have time to ask what she meant by ‘hurtling’.

As it turns out, there was no need to ask. I suddenly heard the screams of my companions from outside the bathroom and attempted to run out and see what was happening. Instead, I could only flop on out and back onto the dance floor, like a fish out of water, like I was doing the worm, like I was a dehydrated Venus. I couldn't cope anymore and started crying loudly. It was all too much, I was at my breaking point. I still didn’t know why everyone else was screaming.

THEY JUST WOULDN'T STOP SCREAMING!

[purpleprey]

Chapter 11: 2105 Coup

*Five months later*

It was almost New Years Eve by the time our plan was perfected and ready to enact. We'd been trying to adapt to prison life for a while now, just looking for the right opportunity, but life here was certainly rough. Almost as rough as the facial hair that had grown on Venus' perfect face. That's right, we'd been here so long that Venus had grown stubble for the first time since we met. It was perfectly shaped, as if it had been expertly groomed, though it was indeed natural growth. I would be lying through my fucking teeth if I said it didn't actually suit him. Watching his ever-changing but always gorgeous face was the only thing that kept me sane during the months that went by. Well, that and the thought of our inevitable escape. It was mostly Elly, Cosmic and Venus that figured out our exact plan but I wouldn't give them all the credit, they wouldn't have had a chance without my encouragement. The only glaring problem was we didn't know exactly what Avian Dust and Bionic Arcadia's key was for. Elysium had deduced from her experiences that it was, in fact, the key to a door, but that's all we had.

However, we decided not to dwell on that fact too much given that even Cosmic, who basically knew this prison moon inside and out, had no clue on the use of this key. Besides, it wasn't as though we could snoop around wherever we wanted, since The Headmaster tightened security on us, which was probably the right call in all fairness. Since we did plan to defeat him once and for all on our way out.

It started where all good escape plans start: in the gardens. A place where we had the best view of all the guard stations, which allowed us to learn their schedule. The only issue was indeed the Headmaster, and though he rarely emerged by his own will, in our time of playing the role of model prisoners, we did see at least a few newbies unfortunately summon him. We don’t know what became of them after they were sucked into the Headmaster’s office but one could only assume the worst. Most are not as gifted as yours truly, Obsidian Leviathan. Watching this go down, however, did give us an idea as we knew that the Headmaster’s office was the one area in the prison most likely to hold the keys to escape. As well as this, we had concluded that without a leader, the operations of the prison would cease to function. We had to cut off the body's head(master).

It began when we were introduced to a new prisoner. All of us were hard at work in the turnip garden when I grabbed Cosmic by the collar and yanked him closer to me.

"You look the most credible as a gardener," I whispered un-empathetically. "Tell the new guy to plant thirteen turnips,"

"Are you suggesting manipulation, Obsidian!?!?" Cosmic cried loudly whilst I tried to silence him. "ARE YOU SUGGESTING I MANIPULATE THIS NEW PRISONER TO PLANT THIRTEEN TURNIPS TO SUMMON THE HEADMASTER TO KILL HIM??" Everyone in the garden looked over at us, except the newbie. Maybe he was hard of hearing since Cosmic was practically screaming.

"Yeah." I whispered, gazing into Cosmic's soul. He nodded, now understanding the plot, though his soul looked wrecked with guilt.

Cosmic swung around to face the new guy who was right beside him, holding the gardening spade with a weak grip that suggested such a mundane task disgusted and offended him.

“Excuse me, sir.” Cosmic Tomorrow began and, although he wasn’t facing me, I could tell that he was starting to tear up again, “Perhaps you should try planting those turnips over there.” He sniffled very loudly and I doubled over in a desperate attempt to stop myself from swinging Cosmic back around and slapping him for being such a terrible manipulator. I shouldn’t judge though, not everyone is as good an actor as I.

The stranger turned to face Cosmic with great speed, almost slapping Cosmic in the face with his bleach blonde hair that would make any mother shake with unrelenting fury.

“Thank you for the suggestion, good sir.” The stranger replied. “My name is Moorish Zealous. Cheesed to meet you! But, unfortunately, I do not plant turnips, no thank you!!!😊" He said this emoji verbally. My face contorted with disgust at this and I nudged at Cosmic, hoping this would spur him into action and I wouldn’t have to listen to this fool any longer. Even Cosmic seemed to not like this guy.

"well, I don't like you either little Cosmic ass bitch, little short ass bitch, little overall-wearing ass bitch, little ginger ass bitch" Moorish Zealous scoffed, turning his nose up. That was rather unwarranted, even by my standards. Cosmic looked around nervously at the three of us, searching for support. Cosmics pleading eyes landed on Venus who let out a heavy sigh. Moorish Zealous followed Cosmics gaze, seeing Venus for the first time.

Moorish Zealous' jaw dropped to the floor, his eyes popped out of their sockets accompanied by trumpets all the while his heart beat out of his chest. An *awooga awooga* sound effect could be heard just as Moorish pulled a chain on a train whistle that had appeared next to his head as steam blew out. He slammed his fists on a table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware as he whistled loudly. fireworks shot from the top of his head, he panted loudly as his tongue hung out of his mouth. After this vulgar, cartoonish display, Moorish Zealous wiped a comically large bead of sweat from his forehead, cleared his throat, straightened his tie, and combed his bleach blonde hair.

"You look very lovely," He said to Venus who, unlike the rest of us, did not seem to outright detest this person.

"Thank you." Venus nodded and I gritted my teeth until my jaw locked. I was silenced, unable to say anything to bring Venus’ attention to me so I was forced to just stand there and watch as Venus introduced us to this Moorish Zealous character. As Venus referred to each of us by name, Moorish nodded, but never tore his eyes from Venus which was VERY rude of him. Were I in his shoes, I would pretend to be more interested in Venus's words >:(.

After this introduction, we all stood in silence and watched as Moorish stared at Venus and, to my horror, Venus appeared to be looking in Moorish’s general direction! I panicked and ran at Moorish, grabbing him and using him like a ragdoll to plant the turnips. Moorish gasped loudly in offended, British shock.

"I-" he began, though he wasn't interrupted, he did not continue his sentence. It took a long while to plant all thirteen of the turnips and it was quite an uncomfortable ordeal which only made my resentment of Moorish grow even more. I couldn���t believe anyone would make me do something like this. I felt demeaned.

"I'll have your head, Obsidian!!" He Britished at me, shaking his fist. I was surprised he had remembered my name, but not as surprised as Moorish Zealous became as the earth (or rather, moon) beneath him began to shake.

I jogged away from Moorish, who was frozen in place, and backed up to where my friends were standing as the Headmaster once more rose from the ground.

“Who dares to summon me?” He boomed and Moorish turned around to face me, betrayed. I merely joined the rest of the prisoners in pointing a damning finger at him.

"How rambunctious of you, Obsidian and co.," He glowered. "Fool me once, I-" he stopped his sentence abruptly again and we all waited for him to finish, but he never did.

The Headmaster placed a hand on Moorish’s shoulder and slowly turned him around to face him, a menacing scowl adorning the Headmaster’s face. The scowl unfurled into a wide, ominous smile which prompted Moorish to chuckle nervously.

Venus turned to look at me suddenly, pointing at The Headmaster and Moorish.

"Would you say he is cheesed to meet him?" Venus laughed, attempting to mirror Moorish Zealous' strange, strange greeting. Despite the high tension between Moorish and the Headmaster, he whipped around so fast his round glasses flew off and chortled joyously.

“Moorish Zealous,” he began, “I know all about you. Every thought and desire that has ever crossed your mind has now been viewed by me.” Moorish blussed a lil and glanced at Venus shyly. I let out a short high-pitched sound of frustration.

“Would you care to step into my office for a moment?” The Headmaster asked kindly. This was it. Just as I had predicted, Moorish Zealous attempted to flee. He tried to sprint away though his polished shoes kept sinking into the earth like quicksand. His defiance would buy us enough time to slip into the inter-dimensional hole The Headmaster had left in his wake.

The four of us darted forward but were stopped short by the sound of Moorish’s screams behind us. We turned to see that, surprise surprise, the Headmaster had caught up to him and his inappropriate-for-the-situation-at-hand footwear. Moorish struggled in the Headmaster’s grip and before anyone could warn them, they were at the top of a nearby staircase. The Headmaster placed Moorish at the top, but as Moorish turned to face his attacker, he tripped over his own feet.

He began to fall backwards in slow motion. We all gathered around to watch the show. When Moorish eventually reached the ground, a shimmering necklace of pearls he was wearing broke, and the pearls scattered, framing him dramatically, also in an altered flow of time. Luckily, he was also wearing a second string of pearls. He looked up at us in shock, extending a hand towards Venus before a look of confusion appeared on his face.

"F...facial… hair…? Ew..." he rasped, winded and definitely dying from his fall. A single tear that shone as brightly as his pearls escaped his eye before they fluttered closed. Forever…

Venus brought a hand to his stubble self-consciously. I had never seen him in such a state and it enraged me to the point where I considered flying down those steps and mangling Moorish Zealous. Venus looked down at his feet with a thoughtful look on his face.

“I never liked that guy at all anyway.” He muttered, so quietly that I was sure I was the only one to hear him. I wasn’t. From the bottom of the stairs, Moorish let out a wail of agony and despair before finally dying. I placed a hand on Venus's broad shoulder.

"Don't worry, buddy. He's gone now," I reassured before making brief, nervous eye-contact with the special-guest reader.

The Headmaster looked slightly miffed at this turn of events.

"Well," The Headmaster sighed, his head leaves quivered in exasperation "I may as well rejoice in my victory." He slowly and deliberately began to descend the hardwood stairs to the moorish body.

The window of opportunity was once again open. I formed a conga line of my team and we headed for the inter-dimensional rip. Our train chugged along and into the hole where we landed in a heap on the floor of The Headmaster's office.

The office had definitely undergone renovations since I'd last been there, likely due to the damages we must've caused. The desk, the LED surveillance screens and the void door were all in fundamentally the same place. There was a new cabinet and a coat rack, adorned with a black scarf, now stood proudly beside it. But now, there was a door on the far side of the office that had not been there prior. I walked over to this mysterious new door while the others searched his desk. I thought this door might be what our key was for but instead of a keyhole, there was only a place for swiping cards. There must be a keycard somewhere.

I began to wildly rummage through his desk drawers, looking for anything at all that could help us, but instead I just got a dozen paper clips somehow stuck into my hand. I threw my head back and shrieked in anguish. Cosmic came over to where I was and rummaged through the same drawer, becoming impaled by a baker’s dozen paper clips. He let out a small “hmph” noise and just continued to rummage. I fell to my knees. He mustn't have felt it through his calloused farmers mits. Suddenly, Cosmics hand halted and we heard a small click as he lifted the bottom of the drawer, exposing a hidden compartment. Inside was what appeared to be a children's pink, faux-fur covered diary. He called Elly and Venus over to where we were standing and handed the diary to Venus, stating that he wasn’t comfortable reading someone else’s private diary entries. I rolled my eyes and, judging from the look on his face, he heard it. Venus began to flick through the book, mumbling quietly as he read to himself and slowly beginning to tear up. We stared at him in anticipation. He finally glanced up at us.

“I think this is the Headmaster’s diary,” he said slowly, “but what is written in here is so emotional and raw.” He shook his head softly. I snatched the furry book from him and opened it to a few random pages.

-----

Entry 34

Dear diary,

I must reiterate, I never asked for this life. This moon had been my home long before this "prison company" started construction and long since they forced me to take physical form. I’m not sure how much of this I can handle. I’ve glanced into my future and found it too bleak for any hope to remain. The construction, however, remains in its early stages. I wanted to reverse or at least slow progress, however even if the moon stays pure, I've already been altered in ways I cannot undo. I look down at these hands I cannot fathom as being my own and damn them for grasping for power over all but myself.

Entry 70

The first few prisoners have been moved in, along with a handful of guards. I can feel their misery and hopelessness as easily as my own. The prisoners work in the garden during the day and I see that the guards have left out turnips, the exact right amount that would beckon me to the call. I do not want to be ripped into their reality today. When I looked to the sky, there was an eclipse. I had never felt so lonely, so I cannot spare my sympathy for the prisoners here. Oh, how I used to long to meet with her again. But I know better now.

Entry 142

Something strange happened today. Another of the prisoners pulled me into their garden so I did what I always do: I went to reprimand him in my office. But before I could say my piece this boy… he… kissed me? I have to be more cautious, and let it be known that this behaviour is criminal activity. Though the lowly boy faced my wrath, for just… most fleeting moment, I thought of her. I will never show care for these inmates. They think they know the feeling of being imprisoned but my burden is surely the greatest to bear. Callisto… I will find my way to you at any cost, I can promise you.

However, things are seeming to grow more difficult by the day. I've discovered that my creator has made a fail safe, as he calls it. A way to stop me forever if something “went wrong”. I knew he meant to use it and I feared it would happen soon. How dare humanity force me into this world, which is not my own, only to have the gall to tear me out of it, forever, should they declare me unfit. Have I not suffered enough? I am unimaginably furious, but more than this, I am afraid.

However, my life is no longer in the hands of others. I will not allow anyone to have this kind of power over me. I have hidden this so-called “fail safe” where no one will ever be able to retrieve it. I've hidden the access card in the one place I know to truly belong to me alone. It is a coward’s attempt, though I do feel far safer than I felt this morning. I stay safe, only for you, Callisto.

-----

After reading this, I began to search frantically through the rest of the diary until a keycard fell out of the book and onto the office floor. Before I could explain a thing, Elly snatched it up and gave it a thoughtful look.

"I've put two and two together," Elysium announced, "this must be the keycard for this here door." She strode over to the door and swiped the card. She threw open the door and the cupboard handed her a gun.

Elly walked over to me and handed me the gun.

"No no, please no!" I roared, knowing that my aim was rather terrible, and it was hard to hold both the gun and the fuzzy pink diary. I tried to give the gun back to her so that she could give it back to the cupboard but she simply stared at me blankly. I then tried to offer the gun to Venus and Cosmic but they gave me the same blank stare.

"The Headmaster had this gun locked up." Elysium explained, "It must have some importance. I bet this is his one weakness."

I stared at Elysium in awe of her deductive reasoning. I tried desperately to recount what I had just read but I was too overwhelmed to manage more than a few choked squeaks. Elly appeared quite unhappy by this. I lowered my gaze and fumbled with the gun and the book, where I found the last entry. I knew we had gotten what we had come for, but I had to know how the story ended, as it was rather gripping.

-----

Entry 399

It has been a rather gruelling ordeal but I have finally figured it out. We’ve been parted so long, Callisto, but I have finally found a way to bring us back together. I know how and believe me, before this week is up, I will. Callisto, my beloved, our souls will intertwine in the cosmos once again, and though my form, my body, will never be what it once was, my heart will always belong to you. I will see you soon.

-----

I wiped a tear from my eye. I was so happy for them my heart was aching. I doubled over from the pain of my heart burn. I popped a few pills of Gaviscon Heartburn Medication and stood upright, just as the Headmaster arrived in his office.

He zeroed in on me immediately, as I was holding both his private diary and his only weakness. He charged towards me and I collapsed onto the floor in a panic. I’ll admit, it wasn’t my finest moment. I heard his high heels clacking toward me and I felt so much fear and guilt, I hadn't even realised what I had done until after the sound of the gun firing.

The Headmaster was on the ground when I finally opened my eyes. Elly and Venus seemed pleased with the supposed victory. Cosmic appeared a little dismayed by the violence but seemed relieved nonetheless. I, however, could only feel a slight emptiness. I rose shakily to my feet and tiptoed to the Headmaster’s body. He was looking straight up past me with unfocused eyes, he was shivering like he was cold. He reached a feeble arm up to the LED screens which abruptly vanished, revealing the void surroundings of the office, throwing me off completely. I looked up just as an image of the night sky and a large, bright moon faded in.

“Callisto.” he offered weakly, a single tear running down his stern face, before coughing harshly, his arm dropping back down. With that, we were completely inside the pitch black void again.

“Callisto,” he tried again, softer this time. “I’ll be there soon.” He erupted into another round of coughs before beginning to mutter to himself. "I'm… so sorry, my love," he smiled weakly as his eyes closed. As I went to reach for him, his body fell apart like dust and he scattered into the expanse of the void. He would never be with Callisto again. He let out one last heaving breath. Humanity had betrayed him one last time.

Just like that, he was dead.

I leaned forward and rested my hand on his forehead. No pulse, no breaths. After all I had found out about him, nothing had come of it. Such a pitiful end to a powerfully awe-inspiring being.

[purpleprey]

Chapter 10: Outrun the Oath

I turned my head away from Avian dramatically. When I looked back, I saw that Avian’s expression hadn’t changed.

“Yeah, that checks out.” she said. She glanced at Venus who stood ignorantly near the entrance of Catehut before looking back to me. I saw her stifle another laugh and tears came to my eyes. I let out a short scream of rage and hoped that Venus hadn’t heard it.

“Oh my god be quiet,” she rolled her eyes and guided me into an alleyway. I stood there timidly while she paced in thought.

“Look, this is too funny. So I’m going to help you,” She said, finally ceasing her relentless pacing. “Only if you want me to though.” I narrowed my eyes at her.

“This is no laughing matter, Avian,” I said, “but yes. Please help me get with Venus Crypt. We were made for each other and I know it.“

Avian failed to stifle her laugh but I couldn't react because she was already producing a large rotary phone from her pocket and handing it to me.

“Take this. You can contact me with this,” she said very generously. I thanked her through way of sign language (I’m by no means fluent, but I manage).

“Now, pretend we never had this conversation.” she smiled and held a hand out for me to shake and seal our oath, which I assumed was an invitation for the secret handshake I forgot was exclusive knowledge to me and Elysium. I ended the handshake by jumping onto Avian Dust’s shoulders and we became the tallest totem I had ever been a part of. I was near euphoric about seeing the world at this high an angle, but Avian, in shock, reacted by throwing me to the ground like a pro-wrestler. After this Total K.O, she left the alley.

I came to, after God knows how long, and left the alley. In front of Catehut, I found my gang and Cougar’s council still standing there. Avian was talking with Cougar, Bionic was talking with Cosmic and Venus was standing away from the group, emotionally ransacked from being ignored. Cosmic spotted me in my groggy state and beckoned me over to join him and (Bio)nic in conversation. I didn’t think I was allowed to return to Avian just yet and I wasn't emotionally stable enough to be abandoned like Venus at this moment, so I complied. They seemed to be having a good time and if I wasn’t so out of it, I might’ve been happy for them.

Nic was laughing at Cosmic’s apparent wit and Cosmic seemed very proud of himself indeed.

“It was a pleasure to meet you, Bionic!” Comic grinned. He gave Bionic another performative bow, taking off his straw hat in the process and Bionic recoiled.

“Oh, I forgot that you’re a ranga!” She facepalmed. Cosmic went into shock and quietly put his straw hat back on. Bionic seemed to regret that comment but instead of apologising or anything, she just started talking about something unrelated. Cosmic remained in stunned silence for a few minutes but eventually, he began chatting again. I understood her disappointment, but I couldn't understand her resilience to continue.

“Cosmic, Bionic,” I said, trying to casually join the conversation. “What on earth are you talking about.”

“Nothing much…” Cosmic said, still seeming stunned and self-conscious. I smiled, talking about nothing much was my specialty. I put a hand on one of both Cosmic and Bionic’s shoulders, making sure I tried my hardest to crush Cosmic’s bone (he didn’t seem to notice), and began to tell them a story.

“So you see, in OUR home dimension,” I storytold them wisely, “Things are a little different than they are here. That is why I want to get back so badly.” Cosmic nodded in understanding and began to tear up.

“I would like to return to our dimension also.” he said. “It’s been years since I last saw my family, I miss them.” I snorted. I didn’t think Cosmic had a family. I mean, he did mention them to me before but that was when I was pretending to be 50Cent so I couldn’t trust anything anyone said.

“But we are in quite a pickle,” I said, refocusing myself and bringing a thoughtful hand to my thoughtful chin, “If we want to be in our OWN dimension we’re stuck on a silly old prison moon :\. I know YOU must see us as free and innocent as doves, Bionic :) but that’s not the case. >:(”

“What were you guys in for?” Bionic asked, shocked by the revelation. Cosmic looked slightly ashamed.

“... evil…” Cosmic murmured and Bionic chuckled at his joke. But it wasn’t a joke. Cosmic stared off into the distance, looking dead in the eyes as he recalled his chequered past. Bionic didn’t seem to notice as she was now looking at me expectantly, awaiting my answer.

“Breaking and entering,” I shrugged, “Into a US government facility to jailbreak my giant viper that was confiscated 5 years prior.” I explained this even though the audience already knows. Bionic nodded as though she already knew too but there was no way that could be the case.

“Yeah, dimension hopping is fun and all but everytime we’re back in our own dimension it's all prison moon this, and turnips that.” I roll my eyes, “So although we stand here before you, Bionic, we are technically still imprisoned.”

“I don’t mind the turnips.” Cosmic murmured. I glared at him sharply before he continued. “I was almost out on good behaviour too.”

“Are you saying it’s my fault you’re still imprisoned?” I accused.

“Sounds like it.” Bionic answered for him. Cosmic didn’t dispute this so I jabbed a finger into his chest.

“Look, buddy,” I said, trying to sound pleasant for Bionic’s sake. “I didn’t ask for you to help me escape.”

“Oh, but I can help,” Bionic remarked before gesturing in cryptic sign language to Avian who looked at me before reluctantly walking over. They signed to each other for a while.

“Okay, fine,” Avian finally sighed, “Only because it’ll serve as a convenient plot device for later.”

With that, Bionic and Avian grasped their hands together and chanted an archaic chant. This must be their own secret handshake. When they un-grasped their hands, Bionic was holding a large silver key, connected to a novelty keychain. She handed the key to Cosmic.

“This key matters on your prison moon. Don’t let the headmaster know you have it ;)” She explained. Avian laughed behind her hand and the two gave each other a deeply knowing look. I shook under the assumption that this key had sinister connotations. There was something that deeply unsettled me about Nic and Avian but I couldn’t explain it at the time.

Cosmic put the prison moon key in the massive pocket on the front of his overalls. At that moment Avian placed a possibly ill-intended hand on my shoulder and leaned in.

“You owe me BIG time now,” she muttered, directly into my thinker, “keep in touch! :D” and with that she backed off. Bionic and Cosmic then resumed the conversation they were having before my interruption. Did no one besides me notice that there was something eerie about them? It was then I noticed whilst I was preoccupied with all the hubbub, we had left Cougar Husbandry and Venus Crypt to their own devices!!

I whipped around violently to see that Venus and Cougar were standing less than a metre away from each other. I heard a loud crack and realised that my whip had been so violent that I had shattered one of my ankles. This didn’t deter me, I simply limped closer to the two who were fortunately facing away from me and towards the road.

“This date..” Cougar began. I held my breath “was… sufficiently awkward. I really hated it in there.” she said with an air of honesty I respected. “It was especially weird when your friend stole Avian’s crust and ran off with it. But the little orange one DID make a good joke about him.” I heard Venus swallow loudly and give an awkward laugh.

“It... was… yabadaba......do.’” Venus tried a weak attempt at a chortle but it was insufficient.

“That's… not how you pronounce that.” Cougar frowned. She turned her head and saw me standing directly behind her. She pounced back and her hair stood on end as she hissed and bared her sharp teeth at me. Venus sighed sadly, assuming that this was simply aimed at him. My eyes widened and I put a finger up to my lips, silently begging her not to tell Venus that I was right here. He was clearly in a bad mood now and I didn’t want him to try and kill me again. Though, honestly, she had NO reason to comply with my selfish demands. I would have to take one of her 7 remaining lives…

She complied. I put away the gun I had stolen from Elysium so secretly that I couldn't even talk about it earlier in the story or someone would’ve noticed.

Venus let out another heavy sigh. “Yeah, I deserve this...” he said, clearly thinking that Cougar was hissing at him. Cougar stood back up right and dusted herself off, averting her eyes from the sorrowful Venus whose eyes were already averted. I slowly backed away. This conversation was borderline painful and I wanted no more part in it, even though I didn’t really have a part in it to start off with.

As I backed off, about 200 metres later, my back hit something and I turned to see Bionic and Cosmic (again!). Before I could ask them why they had moved so far away, I realised they were both looking at something. The car that we had stolen earlier was driving recklessly towards us, showing no signs of slowing down. I flinched and shielded my handsome, sexy face as I crumbled to the pavement ground in fear. The car screeched to a halt right on top of me.

I crawled out from underneath the car, crying. I was just in front of the driver-side door when it swung open and I was trampled yet again.

Hark! It was Elysium Forging!

“Hello, Elysium!” Cosmic greeted, surprised. “How are you this eveni-”

“I robbed the fucking casino.” Elysium stated. We heard police sirens wailing in the distance so the five of us (Elly, Avian, Cosmic, Bionic and I) piled into the car and began the drive over to where Cougar and Venus were but as we did, the cops showed up.

“What the fuck??” Venus yelled so we could hear him, “What the hell did you do?? Rob the fucking Casino??” He said this with sarcasm (lol).

“Yeah,” Elysium replied out of her open car window. “Now get your arses on this car.”

“Don’t you mean in?” Venus asked.

“No,” she said, “Car’s full. Get on.”

Before they knew it, Venus and Cougar were on the roof of the car. As we sped off at speeds a car shouldn't be able to reach if it adhered to proper safety regulations, Venus managed to grip onto the roof in time. Cougar was also up there though not for long as she didn’t grab onto anything and thus, flew off the back of the car as Bionic and Avian watched helplessly through the back window. There wasn’t even a yowl as she hit the ground. Her body tumbled limply on the bitumen road just before she disappeared from sight… forever (I could only assume)…

It took everything in me to hold back a sigh of relief. I could see the devastation on Bionic and Avian’s faces and I could hear the devastated wails of Venus Crypt atop the car. I rolled down my window and reached an arm up to grasp Venus and tug him inside the car to Elysium's annoyance. I sat him on my lap and put on my sexiest expression, just in case Venus was looking for a rebound ;). Venus was too busy crying to notice, he just wept harder and grabbed onto my Goth Tesco suit jacket in desperation, which is a pretty big win in my books.

I saw Elysium glare at Venus through the rear-view mirror.

“Venus,” she said through gritted teeth, “she's fine. She has like 6 more lives.” I had never felt more disappointment in my life and I felt tears begin to prick at my tears, emotionally destroyed by the knowledge that Cougar was going to be okay. Venus did not share my anguish as he happily lifted himself off my lap just long enough to shove me off my seat and steal it. I landed on the car floor and slipped under the driver seat where it was very dark and cramped. I shouted for help but no one could hear me through the darkness. I was under there for hours until finally the car came to a halt and someone dragged me out from where I was stashed. Cosmic had clambered over to yank me out from under the chair.

“Obsidian, thanks to The Pizza at Catehut, I was able to replenish enough mana to switch our dimension again!!” With that, Cosmic dragged me out of the car and over to where Elly and Venus were standing. I looked around, shocked to find that Avian and Bionic were nowhere to be seen.

“We didn’t see them leave either,” Cosmic explained, knowing what I was thinking... I was thinking. I turned to look at him, a new question in my mind.

“Where are we?”

“Take a proper gander around you, Obsidian. The walls around us, we’re on the prison moon, of course.” Cosmic said.

I glowered. I should’ve known. I turned to the car I was just removed from to see it was crushing two very still and quiet guards. Again, we were in deep shit.

“What do we do now?” I asked and my lifelong friend Elly stepped towards me.

“Isn’t it obvious? We need to find out what that key Cosmic has is for.” she said. I was unimpressed by the sudden importance of Cosmic Tomorrow. The shiny glaze of the key accompanied with the fun and expensive seeming novelty keychain implied this wasn't just a key for any old door, so it’d take a lot of time and planning and perfect execution to solve this puzzle.

But that would have to wait for the moment as another car came speeding towards us, filled to the brim with guards. The car was some kind of Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) (you’ve probably never heard of that movie it was like 100 years ago) golf buggy looking thing and I did not like the look of it. My gut feeling was right when four guards soared out and tackled us to the ground. That is, four guards for each of us.

They dragged us back to their unaesthetically-pleasing-to-the-eye golf buggy and loaded us in. There was no room for me, so I once again slid under the driver seat. As I craned my head to desperately peek out from underneath, I was forced to make searing eye-contact with my supervising guard. He saw my frightened glance and chortled at me maniacally. I whimpered (not pathetically). But I could not whimper for long since I was so folded in on myself under the golf buggy seat. I craned my head further around to make eye contact with Elly and Cosmic (Venus was riding shotgun). They held solemn expressions with a splash of determination.

[purpleprey]

Chapter 9: Lust Royale

The mens room was thick with the intimate scents of strawberries, cigars and my own inhibitions. But I had to put that all behind me. I was standing here in front of who was probably the most ethereal being to grace this earth and he had JUST let me cigar him.

“Obsidian…” Venus said softly. “I know we have had our differences but…” He shook his head slightly.

“W-What is it?” I asked but I knew what he was going to say. I had planned every move.

“I am sorry.” He turned his head away from me. “I have never been in this kind of situation before. Hell, I have lived in a creek my whole life.” He laughed bashfully. He took a deep breath and lowered his eyes. “I just don't know why we keep fighting… is.. what I am trying to say… I guess…” I was elated at his confession but I had one of my own.

“I think I know the answer.” I said, blushing. “I think the reason we fight so often is because we’re just too damn similar.”

He laughed which made me uncomfortable since it wasn’t the reaction I was completely expecting. “Ah, I would not go as far as to say that.”

I guess that was true…

And then I understood what he was trying to say.

“So, I guess what you’re trying to say is: opposites attract.” I smirked. He looked at me with a slight smile, so I leaned forward, pressing my lips against his.

Suddenly I was on the other side of the room, my spine fractured. I glanced at where I once stood to find Venus staring at me with a mixture of anger, disgust and betrayal. I groaned in pain, setting him off.

“You do not think I know what you are trying to do?” he hollered, wiping his mouth with sandpaper. “You are trying to use my lips to get to Cougar’s but I will not let you! You will not indirectly kiss her through my lips, I’ve already wiped them clean!” He charged at me.

“Nooo.” I tried to object but I was so winded it only came out as a strained whisper that Venus likely couldn’t hear. He plowed into me, pushing me into the cement wall of the mens bathroom. He wailed on me, every cry of pain only making him angrier. I was beaten so brutally, I finally found my chance to make some distance from him while Venus caught his breath.

“Venus please,” I begged, as I scrambled away feebly. “I thought we reached an understanding! We had a whole heart to heart!!” He took a step back, placing his hands on his hips and trying to steady his breathing. His eyes never left mine.

“Heart to heart!?” he asked. “Your heart is black and cold and full of betrayal!! I should know, I lived in a creek.”

I didn’t know what that meant but I had no time to ask. Venus started to pummel me again. When I was within an inch of my unfulfilled life, Venus took a step back, being the reasonable man he is. Sweat was pouring down his chiselled face. He extended me a hand and pulled me to my feet. My legs wobbled and I had to hold back a groan of pain, terrified that I would set off Venus yet again. I clasped a hand over my mouth, unable to stop myself from falling back down which resulted in Venus leaving me on the bathroom floor to make my own recovery.

It took a lot of effort but I was eventually able to peel myself off of the floor and waddle out of the mens room to encounter a horrifying sight. Venus had somehow made it outside before me and was standing with none other than Cougar Husbandry. I watched as he blushed a little. I limped over to where Elly and Cosmic were standing and stared as Venus made his big move.

“Ms. Husbandry!” Venus announced, gathering all of his courage while I could do nothing but dismay, “I... I have something to ask of you!” Cougar looked unsure.

“Alright.” She sighed. “Just tell me.”

“I…” He took another moment to gather his courage again but this time it felt like he was draining mine as well. “I want you to go on a date with me!” Cougar looked like she was going to be sick.

“Okay, I guess so.” she said after four minutes of silence.

“Yes!” Venus grabbed both of Cougar’s surprised paws and grasped them together. “You will NOT regret this. I promise you!” She looked as though she already regretted it.

“Before we go anywhere, I have a few conditions of my own.” she said. “I don’t know you that well. I’m inviting two of my friends and you can invite two of your own.” Venus nodded, agreeing to the terms.

“Ok...” Venus said thoughtfully, shooting me a malicious side glance.

“I’m just a girl with a gun, I don't feel safe at night” Cougar meowed. “So I’m choosing the location as well. The six of us are going to have dinner at the world famous Catehut.”

Cougar slinked closer to Venus and put a clawed hand on his shoulder softly, “I'm sure you know where it is,” she purred seductively before skittering away on all fours. Venus sighed dreamily before walking back over to where we stood. He pointed to Cosmic and I.

“You two have to come with me,” Venus Crypt announced

“Thank god,” Elysium huffed off to the side, disinterested in this whole debacle. Cosmic looked nervous.

“Where are we going?” he asked.

“To get ready.” Venus replied. He strided over to where I lay squashed and looked down his nose at me.

“You are lucky I am taking you with me.” he said as he crouched down to my pre-corpse body. I nodded in agreement to escape his wrath. “I am only taking you so you can meet some nice girl and move on from Cougar. Do you understand?” he spoke in a quiet voice that within the context was VERY unsettling. I held back a whimper and merely nodded again. Venus looked satisfied and turned on his heel, striding out of the reception. Cosmic and I exchanged a look and followed him.

Elysium jogged and caught up to me, putting a hand on my shoulder to cease my stride. I turned to face her. She looked at me with concern in your eyes.

“Are you sure you want to go on a date with a complete stranger, Obsidian? This is so unlike you!” she spoke.

“Elly, I appreciate your concern but do not despair. I know I’m not going to feel anything for this unknown person.” I assured her. Elly smiled and brushed her hair behind her ear. I smiled too, so happy to have a friend that was so supportive of my Venus escapades.

We went to the closest mall and ran into the first shop we found: Goth Tescos, of course.

“Ah! Of course!” Cosmic gleamed. “Venus needs an outfit!” Venus blushed coyly at the attention before they scattered into the clothing aisles, leaving me stranded with the slogan hats. I decided I wanted to spice up my attire for the date in hopes of gaining Venus’ attention.

Goth Tescos did have a rather impressive range of clothes, however, they were all undeniably gothic. I chuckled, thinking about how Cosmic would never suit any of these clothes. I too went for a wander down the aisles and happened upon Venus as he was modelling an outfit. He looked so ethereal, he could easily pass for one of the store's mannequins. I felt my organs fail. Every last one. I know how I said that even the prison uniform looked immaculate on him, but Venus in PROPER CLOTHING was on a whole other level I could not even conceive.

He was wearing this :) : a white dress shirt, ruffled with lace around the collar and sleeves. The shirt was covered by a black velvet suit jacket; the back of which reached down past Venus’ snatched waist, ending around mid thigh. Finally, there were the pants. They were black.

I was still busy admiring the “merman” when Elly came up behind me and began to dress me up in a Tesco outfit. I’d barely noticed I had undergone a wardrobe change until I was snapped out of my trance by Elysium tightening my gothic corset (It's a men's corset for men I swear, alright? It's not weird). I looked downright gothic, just perfect for a night at Catehut.Together, the three of us searched the store to find Cosmic. He was not wearing anything gothic, still dressed in his trademark overalls.

“Why aren't you changing?” I yelled, bewildered.

“Mama Tomorrow ALWAYS says to be yourself. THAT'S how you get a lady.” He beamed. “And besides, I bought new shoes!” I looked down and he was indeed wearing new, clean shoes. I rolled my eyes and began to advance upon him, ready to take him out.

He didn't seem to notice, which would be perfect for my attack, until he piped up: “I’ll pay! I make a lotta money on my farm :)” So my anger subsided. Cosmic led us to the counter where Venus and I modelled our outfits for the cashier, who immediately offered Venus a job as one of the store’s mannequins. Venus shook his head to deny and then Cosmic presented his Tesco Platinum Membership Card which immediately prompted the cashier (as well as all surrounding people) to applaud. The applause continued as we paid for the items, left the store and made our way to Catehut.

The closer we drew to Catehut (Elly was using GPS), the more nervous Venus seemed to get. I say this because he was sweating and tugging on his ruffled collar like a cartoon character. He was not his usual aloof self. I placed my hand on his shoulder, which was difficult because he was riding shotgun and I was in the backseat of the car we stole, and asked him if he was alright.

“Yeah.” he said, but he flinched when I GRASPED him. I wanted to seem like an understanding soul so I didn’t press him any further and simply leaned back in my seat where, to my undying annoyance, Cosmic started talking to me excitedly.

“I’m kind of nervous, Obsidian! Hahah!” he chattered.

“Yeah.. I could imagine why.” I said sarcastically since I could assume Cosmic had never been on a date before. Even if he had, with his personality and red hair, he wasn’t gonna get very far.

“Are you nervous, Obsidian?” Cosmic asked me. I scoffed.

“Of course not. I’m 21, an adult, I wouldn't expect a child to understand my inner machinations.” I rolled my eyes. Cosmic looked mildly upset.

“I’m not a child, Obsidian.” Cosmic said. “I’m nineteen, I am old enough to understand.”

“Nineteen!?” I bellowed, feeling the earth shatter around me. “You are… you are miniscule!!!!” He stared at me, looking more than mildly upset.

“I’m not that short! I’m 5ft5. ” He cried in dismay. “Besides, 6 year olds are usually under 5ft anyway.” he blubbered wisely.

“I dunno, Cosmic,” I stated, even wiser. “I’ve met some pretty tall 6 year olds in my day.”

“Cosmic, could you be quieter?” Elly said, her hands gripping the steering wheel intensely. Venus was not listening either way. I sniggered but did not resume my shenanigans. Cosmic gave me a wounded look but shut his mouth for the rest of the trip.

The rest of the car ride was quick after that fiasco, and before long Elly had pulled up beside Catehut.

“You can get out now,” Elly stated dryly, not tearing her eyes from the road, “I’m going to the casino. You kids have fun.” We unloaded from the car and Elly sped away into the night. I turned to look at Venus but he was staring intently at something behind me.

Hark! It was Cougar Husbandry... I scowled, JUST as her posse came into view from the alley behind her. Her posse was made up of two girls; one was my exact height, the other was Cosmic’s exact height. Cougar must have measured us earlier and planned accordingly. Ironic, considering Cougar was around half Venus’ size.

“This is my council.” Cougar stated after slinking over to us. She gestured to the two girls standing in V-formation behind her who looked equally as disinterested. All three of them were wearing seemingly coordinated black dresses which did compliment our Goth Tesco ensembles, however, I’d describe theirs as more ‘funeral attire’. Venus dragged Cosmic and I forward and introduced us in haste. Cougar turned to her council and the shorter one nodded.

“My name is Nic (short for Bionic) Arcadia.” she said, before stepping back into the shadows. Then the one that matched me in height stepped forward.

“My name is Avian Dust.” she said, before stepping back into the shadows to search for her chum. We entered the restaurant and sat down in one of the booths. I sat across from Avian, Cosmic sat across from (Bio)Nic and, of course, Venus sat across from Cougar. It seemed we had gravitated towards the person who matched us in height with Venus and Cougar the upsetting outliers.

Between Venus’ nerves and everyone else's total apathy, the table was uncomfortably silent. I decided this silence was meant to be broken and so I decided to tell a joke to ease the tension. No one laughed aside from my date, Avian Dust.

“I don’t get it.” Cosmic said, confirming my suspicions that the rest of the group simply didn’t get it. These suspicions were immediately shattered when Bionic Arcadia turned to Cosmic and explained my joke to him in unimaginably insightful detail. Avian Dust stopped laughing, the joke now ruined. Again, we were plunged dramatically into awkward silence. Cosmic drummed his fingers on the table and then just began talking, finally alleviating the awkwardness. Cosmic’s bravery of putting the charms on Bionic inspired me to try and make a wee bit of small talk with my own “date” (god forbid).

“So, Avian,” I started smoothly, “you come here often?”

“Yes, we do tend to,” Avian said simply, looking just past me, which instead of shutting me down, did impress me since they could frequent a fine establishment like Catehut. I thought only I was able to pull off something like that. I had to progress this conversation further, since despite there being nothing really happening, I had the unshiftable feeling I was losing. I decided to enact a powermove. I made a gesture and a waiter came galloping over to our table to take down our order. No one was prepared. Besides myself, of course.

“I’ll have The Pizza, please,” I smirked momentarily before adding. “Hold the crusts.” This was surely the greatest powermove I could pull (at this moment) so I directed my smirk at Avian, awaiting her next move.

“Could I also get The Pizza?” Avian ordered, “And give me the extra crusts you cut off his”

My blood ran cold.

I began gagging at the table in front of everyone. Cougar and Venus at least spared me a glance but Cosmic and Bionic didn’t pause their conversation for even a second. She had bested me at my own goddamn game. I reeled in my seat while the waiter stood there vacantly, waiting for the others to order. Cosmic, Cougar and Bionic ordered but Venus remained silent. He seemed to be going through something, he hadn’t said a word since he introduced Cosmic and I earlier. It pained me to see the poor guy so hopeless, but also it meant that the date would surely flop, leaving him open for a rebound. I was more than prepared to help him out with that but I couldn’t focus on that now. I needed to show off just how powerful I am and impress Avian so that Venus realises that I am an option, I can be more than just a friend.

“So, Avian,” I began, putting on my boyfriend material voice. “Tell me about yourself, I'd LOVE to hear it ;)” She finally made eye contact with me but did so in a bemused way. I leaned on the table, making myself look extra suave. It worked.

“Ah. There's not much to say ahaha,” she stated after a long pause, “When I was 8 I was stranded in a blizzard in the alps and survived off nothing but rock salt and the friction I generated with my own hands.” I was impressed, I couldn’t survive off of just rock salt and the friction I generated with my own hands until I was 9. I told her as much and she laughed at me without malice. She divulged her tragic past further which caused me some second hand trauma that she seemed unaffected by, but regardless, it was a very interesting conversation and I learnt much about the human condition. I began to tell her a little about my own tragic past. I divulged upon her the story of the butcher in the fog and the death of my giant viper. It brought tears to my eyes to relive the story.

“You know what, Avian,” I said, leaning back in my seat. “We are more alike than I thought :)”

“I wouldn't compare your giant viper to me single handedly having to defeat an armed militia of bloodlusting criminals whose only goal was to kidnap and sell me (pre-cooked) to cannibals when I was 5, but alright.” she said, bemused again. I shuddered at the thought (of my giant viper).

Suddenly, Avian and I were distracted from our conversation by a befuddling sound: the sound of Bionic laughing very hard. This was befuddling because there was no way that Cosmic could tell a funnier joke than me. I turned to see a smiling Cosmic and Bionic laughing with tears streaming down the left side of her face.

“Cosmic, you are HILARIOUS!” she laughed. What? Cosmic being funnier than I??? I felt anger begin to boil deep inside me.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

“Oh, don’t worry Obsidian. You wouldn’t get it.” Cosmic said and I saw red. And so did Bionic. Cosmic turned back to Bionic who was still laughing and took off his straw hat to give a performative bow. He tipped his head forward and his red curls bounced and jiggled. As he bowed, Bionic stopped her laughter in its tracks. She shifted in her seat uncomfortably

“I want to hear the joke too,” Avian said, prompting Bionic to lean over and whisper the joke to her. Avian collapsed in laughter in turn. Avian then turned to Cougar and whispered it to her. Cougar also began laughing.

“YABADABADOOOOOOO!!” she screamed audibly. Bionic and Avian smiled and shook their heads.

“Classic Cougar.” They spoke in unison.

I huffed in annoyance and turned my head away in defiance. I looked at Venus, who seemed to be slowly withering away in his chair from the nerves. Part of me wanted to help him but the other part of me didn’t at all. I rubbed my hands together evilly and maniacally like a large blowfly. I was just that happy, so I silenced the empathetic part of me. Back in good spirits, I decided to try and resume my conversation with Avian, making a point to ignore Cosmic. When Avian turned back to look at me, I noticed how she stifled a laugh.

“So, Avian.” I tried to sound as charming as humanly possible. Before I could continue, our food was delivered to our table. The sight of Avian’s crusts made my eye twitch. Unfortunately, Avian was very observant and noticed my visceral reaction, causing her to mock me by eating the crusts first, never breaking eye contact. I decided to mock her back by snatching the last piece of crust out of her hand before she could munch. Both Cosmic and Venus turned to look at me with wide eyes. Stealing your date’s food was very poor etiquette but it was justified.

Unfortunately, this caused Avian to laugh happily, causing paranoia to set in that perhaps she had laced it with something and was now praying for my downfall. Bionic Arcadia and Cougar Husbandry both smiled at me, increasing my paranoia. I got up and sprinted to the mens bathroom with the crust in hand, intent on disposing of this weapon.

I flushed the cursed crust down the toilet, my hands shaking. I was a nervous wreck. Is this what a date was supposed to feel like?? Mother always told me that you know you’re in love when you feel nervous around them, but I highly doubt this is what she meant. I was sitting next to the toilet, my chest still heaving from panic when Cosmic walked in.

“Obsidian…” I heard him whine from outside the cubicle. “Can you come out please? Everyone’s going to leave now…”

Come out!?! What's he on about??!! I scoffed.

“What are you trying to say, you pathetic little garden thing?”

“Nothing!!” he whined again, and I heard him place a sorrowful hand on the door, “You’ve been in here for ages :((“

“And I’ll stay here for ages longer if I wish.” I replied and I heard Cosmic let out a cosmic sigh..

“You should at least say something to Avian cause it was kind of weird of you to just run off :(“ he whined softer. When I heard Avian Dust’s name I felt butterflies in my stomach which I heard were supposed to be good on a date, but honestly I felt anxious like she was going to kill me. I shook my head in defiance and Cosmic walked over to sit down directly in front of me, crossing his legs.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” he offered innocently, staring at me with those big ol’ eyes. I wasn’t enjoying this interaction.

“No, I don’t want to talk about it.” I said and yet, as he continued to stare at me, I began to break down.

He shuffled forward to give me a comforting pat on the back but I bowled past him, escaping out of the bathroom only to run into Avian and the others who were about to leave Catehut, tears still streaming down my face.

“Lmao.” said Avian, followed by the others in chorus. Cosmic emerged from the bathroom behind me and gave me a sympathetic look. Everyone got back into their respective pairs so I was stuck with the murderous Avian once again. I felt very embarrassed since I couldn't hide the fact I’d been crying. Avian reached forward to give me a comforting pat on the back but, unlike with Cosmic, I didn’t bowl past her.

“Do you want to talk about whatever’s bothering you?” she asked and I nodded, pouting. 

“Alright,” she sighed. She turned and did some quick sign language to the Cougar posse who replied with more sign language before walking out of the Catehut. 

“Avian, we have so much in common and you do make me feel nervous and I am so sorry to do this to you but I don’t think things will work out between us!” I sobbed and Avian stared at me blankly.

“??? Alright” she said, already regretting offering me this conversation. I held my breath, watching as Cosmic and Venus also left the restaurant before I continued.

I lowered my voice and looked to Avian Dust with desperate pleading eyes.

“I… I like Venus!”

[purpleprey]

Chapter 8: His and Her Summer

I woke up in a room so dark I wasn't sure I was really awake. This must be one of the prison cells I had never had the opportunity to grace despite this being my third time arrested. I looked around me and was able to make out that there were three figures in the room with me. Could these be… my cell mates!? I prepared myself for whatever these ruffians would do to me. One of them reached towards me in the dark and I went limp, only for the hand to sail past me and flick on the light switch that was on the wall. Why, it was Elysium Forging! I should've known!

“We have electricity in a cell?” I groaned, adjusting to the light. I saw Venus roll his eyes behind her.

“No, you fucking idiot,” he said. “This isn’t a cell, and that’s not electricity.”

Elly retracted her hand and like a magician pulling a coin from behind one's ear, she revealed to me an angler fish that was now illuminating wherever we were, presumably activated by her squeezing its fishy body. I was positively disgusted but I composed myself well so that none of these lesser beings would notice.

“So where ARE we?” I asked, unable to tear my eyes from the fish's illuminated lure. Venus rolled his eyes at me again.

“Isn’t it obvious?” he asked rather rudely, if I do say so myself. It was NOT apparent and I almost got REALLY riled up, but then Cosmic of all people stepped into the light of the deep sea fish.

“I accidentally transported us to yet another dimension… as I regained consciousness I could not withhold my power and I blinked us away.” he muttered sadly and unconfidently and I punched the air victoriously at his tonal change. I didn’t tell him or anyone else, but I was very happy to have the old Cosmic back and even happier that he had saved us from the headmaster and his guilt-tripping. Cosmic clearly felt hopelessly guilty for the accidental transportation as evidenced by the way that he had broken down in tears (c is da toot of crakter?).

“Obsidian!” he wailed, clutching the bottom of my neatly pressed shirt. “I cannot thank you enough for tasering me! I could save you all because of it!!” I flicked his forehead and he fell backwards immediately and started to grovel. This was the stuff. This was how life was meant to be.

“Stop that, Obsidian,” Elysium spoke back to me, “It's not the time. We have to figure out what kind of area we’re in.” I sniggered but did not resume my shenanigans.

“There's a door over there,” Elysium pointed to what was indeed a door.

“We haven’t opened it cause it might be dangerous,” Venus nodded. “So we were waiting for YOU to wake up.” I got up and ran at the door, smashing through it and falling into the new location that was waiting for us.

I fell onto the ground immediately, gravel indenting into my face, and I glanced up to notice we had been in some sort of gilded carriage. I turned my head in the opposite direction to find we were in the setting for some kind of white wedding which puzzled me, since there were no guests (apart from us I suppose). I heard Venus, Elysium and Cosmic leave the carriage and all three of them trampled me as they did so. I popped upright like one of those inflatable punching bags and walked forward, careful to avoid walking down the aisle since I wanted to save that experience for a special day of my own.

But that day was not today so I was a little surprised when approximately one hundred people appeared out of nowhere and began to fill the chairs facing a large white marble arbour. I was the only one of my little posse that could pass as appropriately dressed to attend a wedding, but I was still surprised when none of the guests seemed to notice our conspicuous behaviour. Cosmic was wearing his trademark overalls, Venus was still dressed in the prison outfit that filled me with such dismay about my own appearance and Elly, of course, was wearing her best espionage outfit (because of events that transpired before this book). Though, despite the appearance of our rag-tag bunch o’ friends, I CANNOT stress how little attention we received from the “guests”. I was gutted at the lack of attention and could not contain my heart wrenching screams, though everyone continued to act as though we weren’t even there. Elysium came to me to quiet my bellowing since she was trying to think and I acknowledged my actions were quite disrespectful to that. She caringly dragged me by the hair over to where Venus and Cosmic had sat down, ready for the wedding to really begin.

A gothic version of the classic “Here Comes the Bride” song by 50cent suddenly echoed around us despite us being in an outdoor venue and I glanced to the arbour where a heavily veiled groom suddenly faded in like a PowerPoint transition. An officiant did a StarWipe transition into existence behind him. I flinched in shock, jumpscared by the quick transition, but the worst was yet to come as I slowly turned to look at where a bride typically enters a wedding (the back!). My mouth dropped open in horror as the bride arrived at her wedding through a zoom transition. I hadn’t even noticed her there, as she had been a tiny speck on the ground. Until now!

She carefully and gracefully walked down the aisle as 50Cent’s tantalizing voice set the mood for the holy occasion. Even I could scarcely hold back a tear of pride for this stranger. The bride took several moments to reach the arbour but once she did, she proceeded to remove the veil from her soon-to-be husband’s face, revealing his face to the crowd before obscuring her own with the very same veil, as is customary. The crowd applauded them respectfully before the officiant raised his hand to quiet the friends and families (presumably???) of the bride and groom.

The officiant then began to speak: “We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two people: Ms. Avalon Grieving and Mr. Dynamite Touch.” I heard one of my companions begin sobbing next to me. I looked at the weeping Cosmic and turned to my other side to see Venus.

“See?” I whispered to Venus, pointing at Cosmic, “is da toot of crakter?”

“Not at all,” Venus smiled and shook his head, agreeing with my statement and we both turned our attention back to the union at hand. I began to laugh jovially, staring at Cosmic out of the corner of my eye. But suddenly, I couldn't see Cosmic anymore as my peripheral vision was now blocked. I went into panic induced tunnel-vision so I knew something was wrong.

I wiped the tears out of my eyes and realised that both Ms. Avalon Grieving and Mr. Dynamite Touch were staring at me. They wanted me to give a toast but we weren’t at the reception yet so I had nothing prepared. I nervously rose to my feet and impulsively cantered towards them, trembling anxiously.

“Uhm… Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury.” I started. SHIT THAT WASN'T RIGHT. I slapped myself in the head repeatedly. Everyone stared at me blankly and I saw my companions for the briefest of seconds as they put their heads in their hands in shame. My tunnel vision got worse as I got increasingly nervous and my vision began to close up like the intro of a James Bond film.

“Ladies and Gentlemen of the wedding,” I started again, “I haven’t known Avalon and Dynamite for long but I know they will rest well.” I heard crickets and I knew I had misspoken yet again. That implied they would die!! “IN BED!” I quickly added. “TOGETHER? Happy honeymoon.” I quickly concluded my statement to avoid further embarrassment. But it was too late. I was further embarrassed less than a second later.

“Who are you and what are you doing up here?” the soon-to-be Mrs. Touch asked me.

“Honestly, I do not know,” I tried to say but my voice was cracking too much. I began to squeal, like the deflating inflatable punching bag I apparently was, in an attempt to keep myself from crying. They hadn’t wanted me to give a toast, I embarrassed myself for nothing. I had to do something… and FAST!!!

“I… I’m the wedding singer!” I said, nervously trying to force my contorted face into an awkward smile. Dynamite grinned at this and jumped over to where I was, landing in a powerful crouch.

“50Cent? I didn’t think you’d make it! Your manager told me to stop calling or he’d sue!”

“Ahahaha!” I stated. “Yes, that's me, 50cent!” I grimaced hard and hoped they wouldn't notice I looked NOTHING like 50Cent. Dynamite stepped away from me, still in his crouch, to give me space to begin singing.

I cleared my throat and everyone stared at me in anticipation so I cleared my throat a few more times to buy time for myself, trying to recall a full 50Cent song. I made my choice and started to sing the iconic 50Cent song “Candy Shop”.

I sang for the full 4 minutes and 10 seconds with no backing music granted to me, desperately throwing my hands in front of me like I'd seen old-timey rappers do.

“I'll take you to the candy shop

Boy, one taste of what I got

I'll have you spending all you got

Keep going 'til you hit the spot,” I stuttered out finally, and pathetically, ending the song and the rest of my foreseeable future.

The very second I finished singing, Avalon and Dynamite shook my hands and I was escorted back to my seat by one of the two bodyguards stationed at the wedding.

“So, what are your names?” I turned to my appointed protectors, trying to make small talk to ease the tension. They both remained silent. I drew a tense breath through my clenched teeth and turned away from Morty and McGurk who refused to introduce themselves. I turned my whole head to my left like a horse with blinders on to look at my companions, all of my agony visible in my glistening grey orbs. I couldn’t even describe the expressions that they had frozen on their faces as they stared at me with a mix of shock, disdain, pity and second hand embarrassment.

“Why… did you do that?” Elly managed to ask me but I could not even begin to respond. I turned away from her bravely, knowing that if she got mad and hit me my bodyguards would have their way with her. I tried to tune back into the wedding that was unfolding before us, only to discover that I had missed the vows!

“You may now kiss the bride.” The officiant said, and Dynamite accepted the challenge bravely. After a round of applause and a passionate kiss, Dynamite turned to look at ME directly.

“Mr. 50Cent!!!” he cheered, showing me his ring, his newly betrothed following suit. “I just got hitched!!” They kissed again in a moment of joy and I gave them a shaky thumbs up. They then began to make their way to the reception along with their guests, leaving myself and my friends behind. Well, me, my friends and my loyal bodyguards who didn't seem to intend on moving an inch without my company. I broke down in tears and Elysium attempted to console me. Cosmic also shifted over to put a considerate arm around me and opened his mouth to speak.

"I'M NOT CRYING BECAUSE I'M HAPPY FOR THEM!" I bellowed, already knowing what Cosmic was going to say and he retracted his arm sadly. Venus sighed heavily and I glanced at him to see that he was just staring off into space, with no care for the emotional turmoil I was experiencing. Though the sight did calm me for a moment. Seeing his unaffected airy expression on his attractive face against the background of delicate white flowers that had been used to decorate the area. He looked right out of an oil painting and I sighed blissfully before I immediately remembered the transpiring events all at once and resumed shrieking like a banshee. This did gain Venus’ attention and he turned to me with a sexy amount of disgust in his sexy eyes. That managed to shut me up really quickly, allowing Elysium to get a word in.

"We don't have the time for this," she frowned with genuine maternal concern. "There are always all these distractions and strange happenings wherever we go. Why does everything that happens to us have to be so nonsensical??" No one knew the answer so she continued. "Listen. We should make our MAIN mission actually escaping the prison moon in OUR dimension."

I could definitely see her point. I guess Cosmic could too because he stood up with conviction and turned to the three of us.

“Elysium is correct. I know that I’m the one who brought us to this unfortunate wedding, but I promise you all that I will get us out of here. If it’s the last thing I do!” he cried. But I figured we may as well make the most of the situation we were in.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I smirked at Venus who stared at me with a dazed look. Venus did not know what I was thinking and told me as much. My smirk dropped.

"F..free.. food." I tried to say in unison with Venus, conducting him with my hands but to no avail. He was having none of my conducting and reached forward to slap me across the face but stopped when he noticed my bodyguards cracking their knuckles in anticipation.

“Come on then, 50Cent,” he spat, standing up with everyone else to shuffle out of the pews to join the rest of the wedding party. As we walked towards the venue, Cosmic bounded over to me and started blabbing at me about something.

“Obsidian! I didn't know you were a wedding singer!” he beamed and I couldn’t do much since we were within earshot of my bodyguards. I turned to look at him, my eyes burning with the fire of ten million suns but Cosmic didn’t seem to notice.

“Yes. Cosmic.” I strained through clenched teeth. “Of. Course. I am better known by my stage name 50Cent. I am an American rapper, songwriter, television producer, actor, and entrepreneur. I was born in the South Jamaica neighbourhood of the borough of Queens, and I began selling drugs at age twelve during the 1980s crack epidemic.” I forced the words out as I recounted canonical 50Cent lore so that my bodyguards would not be suspicious. Cosmic beamed with excitement, happy that I was finally opening up to him. He was clearly taking this as a sign that we were becoming better friends. Pffffft.

“Wait till you hear about my life, Obsidian! Or should I say, 50Cent!” He giggled before continuing when I couldn't stop him since my jaw was now locked shut from clenching it so hard. Cosmic then proceeded to tell me some bullshit about how he grew up on a farm with his parents, many siblings and many many cousins. He listed a shit ton of names, but I didn’t take in any of them.

“And that's why I can't go to Wisconsin either!” Cosmic concluded just as I snapped back to consciousness. Fortunately by this point we had reached the buffet so we both began eating and I no longer had to listen to Cosmic’s highly irritating voice.

The buffet was a mound of assorted and ambiguous meat, but it'd been so long since I’d eaten, I happily began to try and down the lot. I got through half of the food at the buffet when I felt eyes on me.

“Mr 50Cent…” began the groom, “those were esteemed guests….”

IT WAS JUST ONE FUCKING THING AFTER ANOTHER. I slapped my head and had to quickly say something to ease the tension.

“AAhaha… I'm sorry I guess I’m,... I guess I was like.. A kid in a ‘Candy Shop’ :)” I stuttered out, sweating enough buckets to likely keep Venus alive for a century. Dynamite threw his head back and chortled, slapping me on the back good-naturedly. I went flying. Luckily, one of my bodyguards caught me like a football before placing me onto a seat to view the rest of the ceremony that I honestly wasn’t that invested in. So instead of watching the ceremony, I focused my attention on Venus Crypt, who was talking to someone who seemed a little… familiar. It was of course Elysium Forging, who I had known for a lifetime so the fact I could recognise her indicated I was still healthy of mind. But as they spoke, they kept glancing in my direction… were they talking about ME?! I was positively vexed so I leapt down from my seat and barreled towards them at full-speed. But before I could reach them, I was alerted by a sudden, blinding purple light flashing to my right, a rift in space suddenly tearing itself open. I skidded to a halt as someone I never wanted to see again emerged from the tear in space: Cougar Husbandry. She landed on all fours, her medium length dyed hair standing on end as she tried to process where she had spawned. Venus took notice of her immediately, much to my annoyance. He shoved Elly out of the way as he jogged towards Cougar.

“Where am I? How did I get here?” she asked. She stood up on her hind legs and adjusted her glasses and she glanced around at the stunned silent wedding reception. Venus waved to her as though she hadn’t noticed that he was standing right in front of her.

“What a coincidence. We’re both at this wedding together. You know what this means, right?” he said, brushing his hair behind his ear. Cougar looked mortified.

“WHO ARE YOU?” she roared. “wait…. That guy I tried to shoot?” She squinted at Venus who suddenly became uncharacteristically nervous. I had to stop this. I walked towards them, intent on throwing Cougar back into the portal from whence she came but she anticipated my approach somehow and spun around to hiss at me. She clawed her painted nails at me and I shrunk back, avoiding being torn apart like the plane of existence she crawled from. I saw Venus glaring at me from behind her and I realised that he was upset at me for stealing Cougar’s attention. I felt my heart shatter and my pulse died down from the actual dismay I felt in that moment, but Venus was all but ready to metaphorically turn his back on me. I let out a squawk of protest but Venus was already focused on Cougar again who had also turned her back on me, only her back turn was physical.

“I-I just wanted to say,” Venus glanced away before bravely looking into the cat eyes of Cougar Husbandry who was very confused. “I like your hair clips!” he confessed.

“I’m not wearing any.” Cougar said, very befuddled. She was clearly wondering what situation she’d walked into.

“No. I just remembered you wearing them the other day,” he murmured. “I could never forget.” I was aghast. I felt the buffet guests making their way back up my throat but I couldn’t let them escape so I swallowed loudly. I had to act. I had to save this stupidly gorgeous man.

“Venus…” I began, “I must tell you something. You don’t seem to realise this but you deserve so much better than this.” I gestured offensively to Cougar. Venus laughed nervously.

“Ms. Husbandry, would you excuse Obsidian and I for a moment?” He said politely before crouching down and grabbing me by my vulnerable ankle. He stood back up, stringing me up into the air, again, like a salmon on a tinder profile picture. But this time I stayed stubbornly stiff, not giving him the service of flailing like the fish I apparently was.

He carried my stiff form like a baton to the mens room. We were to settle this like men. As I was about to plead my argument, Venus abruptly dropped me onto the floor where I landed on my noggin with a crunch.

I tried to sit up but my head was too crunchy so I simply stayed on the floor like a moonlit crumpled piece of paper. Venus stared down at me, pure rage gracing his super hot face.

“Look, Venus, darling,” I began, looking up at him with calm confidence. “You’ve GOT to trust me on this one, capiche?” I lit a fat cigar.

“Why should I trust you, Obsidian?” he queried. “I know what this is really about. You are just jealous.”

“JEALOUS?” I agreed. “No way. Besides, of course you can trust me, I've got guys on the inside.” I took a puff from the cigar (it was strawberry flavoured).

“Guys on the inside?? You know four people MAXIMUM” Venus refuted but he was quite wrong since I'd say I only knew one person ‘MAXIMUM’. I chuckled at this. Silly merman.

“Do not laugh at me, dick.” Venus stated bluntly. “Just admit that you’re jealous that Cougar likes me and not you.” He puffed up his chest proudly.

What… jealous that Cougar likes HIM and not ME??? I stopped short, unable to argue due to the absolute shock I was still trying to process healthily.

“I hate that we must argue, Obsidian,” he sighed, looking away from my broken form. “But as one of the four (maximum) people you know, I am pretty pissed off that you would want to get in the way of my happiness like that.”

“You misunderstand my intentions, Venus.” I implored him to understand. “I am not trying to hurt you, but Cougar is not the person for you.”

But Venus was now fully turned away from me, with his arms crossed, a look of mournful discontent on his indescribably perfect face. I forced myself to my feet and groaned in pain. Venus narrowed his eyes and I made a mental note not to do that again.

“Venus, listen to me.” I tried one last time to reason with him before pulling out the big guns. “I know what I’m talking about. I have had my heart broken very recently. It was during a game of Spin the Bottle and it occurred two chapters ago. I know a thing or two about love…” I trailed off, looking away from him dramatically.

Venus turned his head slightly so that I was now within his line of vision. Yes… it was working!

“What do you mean?” he demanded softly. YEEESSSS IT WAS WORKING!! I fought back a smirk. This was everything I had ever imagined. I cleared my throat.

“Venus…” I put on my sultriest voice. “Could I interest you in a puff of my fat cigar?”

He seemed a little taken aback, but since I had examined his face so thoroughly earlier, I could notice that his face blushed to the slightest degree. I bet Cougar wouldn’t have noticed that B). He lowered his gaze and nodded. I put the cigar to his lips and he took two large puffs. I tried to maintain passionate eye-contact, but for some weird, insane reason, I couldn't stop my eyes from looking at the strawberry cigar smoke escaping his voluptuous red lips. I pulled the cigar away from him and threw it to the floor, crushing it under my shoe. I tried to give him my most sincere look possible but once again, I couldn’t bring my gaze up to his eyes. I knew what I had to do.

[purpleprey]

Chapter 7: Ego Season

Our battle proved to be long and glorious. I did not win. In fact, it was a very one-sided battle but god, he was glorious at the very least. By the end of it, I was crumpled up into a ball in the corner of his office, where the cabinet once stood. Its shards were still littered around me as I gazed at the nail I was hung from. But hark, the now confident headmaster was now lured into a false sense of security like I had planned! I snatched up a sharp glass shard and rushed the headmaster, drawing the glass across his exposed throat!! The glass made a terrible nails-on-a-chalkboard sound against his invulnerable neck and I took my chance to make a run for it, leaving the fatally un-wounded headmaster at his desk. Once again, I ran through a door and found myself in complete and utter darkness. But I was not the same Obsidian Leviathan I was the last time I was in The Headmasters void! I knew my way around this time and I made it out of the void in a matter of milliseconds. I burst from the dirt of the garden, a new molerat, and scrambled around, shaking the dirt from my neatly ironed shirt like a mad dog. I searched frantically around the garden for Elly and Venus. Instead I found Cosmic. I reluctantly dragged myself over to him only to find that he was shackled to a ball and chain like a REAL criminal!!!!! He was no longer allowed freedom on good behaviour since he’d participated in a prison break and I wept for his fate. But I didn’t feel anything. I sighed and reluctantly grabbed his head and proceeded to drag him behind me in my continued search for my friend … and Venus too, I guess.

“Obsidian! Boy, am I glad to see you :D !” Cosmic Tomorrow cried before a guard ran up and tazed him. He screamed in unbelievable agony. I found this ironic, since I had undergone unbelievable agony myself in the very recent past and a taser shock did not compare. But this was definitely hindering my plans so I sprung into the air like an antelope and axe kicked the guard. He too screamed in unbelievable agony. I attempted to lift up Cosmic to speed up our journey, but was unable. I had really thought my flying axe-kick would have knocked the guard unconscious like it did in movies, but this is REAL LIFE so the guard teleported to me and cast a dark spell. I was very offended by this and whilst he was preoccupied with his chanting, I clocked him and ran, abandoning Cosmic.

Cosmic watched me disappear down the hall with wide-eyes before tearing the chain confining him apart and walking in the direction I sprinted off at a casual pace. He caught up to me immediately. He looked as wide-eyed as ever but I realised he was upset at me for leaving him behind when he clocked me. Me and the guard now both lay clocked, 8 metres apart in the hallway. I stared at the steel roof, clocked, as I heard a clock in the distance chime 8am. My wake up call. I jumped off the floor in perfect unison with the guard. I guess it was his wake up call too. We locked eyes. We were now to be engaged in a good old fashion standoff. The first to be clocked shall remain that way forever, no doubt, so I readied my fist but like the bad sport he is, he readied his taser. I opened my maw, ready to scream in unbelievable agony but before he could administer the taser shock, someone clocked the guard from behind!

IT WAS VENUS CRYPT’s immediately recognisable arm who had clocked the guard from between the bars of his cell that the guard had FOOLISHLY stood by. I had never been happier to see the sorry excuse for a merman, but I didn’t let him know that. I frolicked to his cell in glee and gripped the bars. I knew I couldn't bust him out so I beckoned Cosmic over who was just standing in the middle of the hall. Cosmic walked over with purpose and ripped the cell door off of its hinges, allowing Venus his freedom. Cosmic stood there and flexed his biceps, I ignored it and examined Venus platonically and I noted he was no longer naked, but now confined to a prison uniform that tragically looked like expensive designer clothing on his perfect build. This same uniform looked like ass on me but weirdly, it suited Cosmic (not that I was paying attention).

“Man,” Venus started, walking over to me and crouching down to my level, “Hey, don't you think Cosmic’s acting a little.. strange?” he spoke in a hushed voice and nodded over to where Cosmic was posing like a Roman god. It was a baffling sight. Normally, only Venus posed like that.

“I think you’re right,” I was puzzled and concerned since usually Cosmic Tomorrow was timid and nervous but now he seemed to be acting like he was hot shit. That just WASN’T right. I walked over to where Cosmic was posing, intending on putting him in his place but when I went to shove him, he flexed and I bounced off harmlessly.

“What do you want, poser?” Cosmic guffawed uncharacteristically. POSER?? He was the one posing!!!!! I suddenly felt tears welling in my eyes and I climbed to my feet, wringing my hands nervously. Venus tentatively gave me a supportive pat on the shoulder which filled me with the burning fire of 100, 000 suns and I was once again primed and ready to stand my ground against whatever was possessing this new bastardised Cosmic Tomorrow. I puffed up my chest to make myself appear larger and more threatening but to no avail. Cosmic chortled in a voice I didn’t know and took off striding down the hallway with the speed of an Olympic sprinter. Venus and I exchanged a glance before taking off after him, though we were nowhere near as speedy. Well, it was me who was nowhere near as speedy so Venus, naturally being pacey as, had already gone far ahead of me and disappeared from sight. By the time they stopped and I caught up to them, my vision was blurry and I was on the verge of passing out. I threw up nothing but stomach acid then looked up to see what the two were up to whilst they were unattended.

They have found out where Elly was being stashed and were attempting to bust her out of the cell. That being, Venus was attempting to break her out whilst Cosmic was busy showing Elly his newfound confidence.

“Helloooooooooooo gorgeous,” Cosmic winked, rolling up his sleeve to show a very uncomfortable Elysium his huge, quivering bicep. I had never thought of Cosmic as ripped but I should have realised, he’s a farm boy after all.

Venus finally got the lock open with god knows what tools, and Elly stepped out to join us, trying to avoid Cosmic’s alpha male impersonation. She failed as Cosmic managed to scoop her up, carrying her bridal style, and took off running once more.

“SHIT!!!” I screamed “AFTER THEM, VENUS!!!” Venus nodded dutifully and scooped me up off my feet as well, as we galloped after them. As we burst into the garden, it became very clear what was about to happen.

Cosmic stood, dead centre, a shining, glistening jousting stick was in Elysium's confused and shaking hands. Cosmic kicked his hoof in the dirt, preparing to charge. Venus handed me a similar jousting stick, I didn’t ask where he got it. Surely, we were to joust… to the death!! I gripped the jousting stick, certain of my victory, safe in Venus’s tastefully muscular arms. I didn’t want to harm Elly but some things matter more than lifelong friendship: victory over an overly confident farm boy, for example. Venus didn't seem to care either way, but on the off chance we DID lose (it was unlikely, I was a regular jouster back in my days of girl scouts), I was glad I would die in the arms of Venus Crypt. A loud whistle sounded from somewhere and Cosmic and Venus began galloping towards each other, Elly and I raising our jousting sticks into position. Elly was shaking her head at me, making a pleading motion with her hands but no. I would NOT throw this battle since she clearly wanted to win so badly.

We drew closer and closer to each other and I waited to feel the nostalgic feeling of a jousting stick penetrating skin and flesh, but just before Cosmic-Elly and the Venus-Obsidian power couple could meet, I was suddenly being thrown to the ground as Venus’s legs buckled and he began to flail on the dirt. The last thing I saw before my skull met the soft, springy floor of the garden bed was Elysium's jousting stick just passing over my head. It was a pretty skilled maneuver on Venus’s part.

I woke up 27 minutes later to see Elly pouring bucket after bucket of water on Venus as Cosmic baptised him yet again. Venus, being dehydrated, had shrivelled to half his size and was laying still, waiting to receive merman resuscitation. I slowly sat up, my head still swimming. I was unhappy that Elly and Cosmic had left me unconscious on the ground. It wasn’t necessary for both of them to help Venus.

“Elly!” I snapped my fingers “Attention here please.” Elly hurried over like my loyal hound and began to comb my short, ink black hair to relax me like we had practiced. I glanced over at the other members of the group to find Cosmic in a powerful crouch, holding Venus and glaring at me. I felt myself tearing up again.

“Do you think Cosmic is better than me?” I whimpered to Elysium pathetically, asking a clearly rhetorical question.

“Of course not Obsidian. Cosmic’s acting bloody strange today,” she muttered, having flashbacks, “Fucking awful.”

“It all started when he was tasered and I abandoned him earlier.” I said and I realised that it must have been the tasering that changed him.

“I read about a case like this!” Elly exclaimed, manifesting a gigantic biology textbook and smashing it down onto my chest to use like a table, winding me severely. I tried to push the textbook back off of me, but was unable so I went limp and allowed Elly to use me like the table I apparently was.

She finally found the page and read it aloud to me. It seemed that there was an instance where a man was electrocuted and it rewired his fucking neurons and the man ended up in the delusion that he was a stick insect. But that wasn't all. After several decades of living like that, it was eventually discovered that being tasered a second time reversed the effect and cured the man of his delusions.

“We have to taze the boy,” I said wisely.

“I hope you won't enjoy that kind of thing, Obsidian.” Elysium said with great concern, noticing the fire of joy in my eyes.

“Don’t worry, Elly. I will not enjoy it.”

But I was lying.

All I needed now was a taser then I could revel in the electric domination of my only rival in masculinity (Venus is in a league of his own so he’s not included in this). I had Elly help me to my feet as I searched the garden for a taser. Or a guard with one, that would work too. I found a near ripe taser plant, but I pulled it from the earth prematurely and the taser wilted in my unforgiving hand. I mourned the lost taser but moved on very quickly. I’m not Amish, so I am able to easily move on from things.

“Elysium!” I screamed quietly “Do you have a taser??”

“No…” She said regretfully “Although....” she unsheathed the glock. It was a tempting alternative but one I knew Elly wouldn’t enjoy.

“I must resist this time, Elysium.” I grunted, clenching my fist. “Kiss your gun goodnight.” and she did. It was at this moment that I realised there was only one way for us to get a fully ripe taser and it wasn’t from the earth.

“We have to kill a guard!” Elysium and I exclaimed in unison before doing our secret handshake that I will tell you how to do now: it starts where all good handshakes start - with a non-conformist movement (rejected by Thneedville), of course. Dance straight into a handshake <3. After the Aloysius, we clap thrice, rotate 2.5 times, crouch on the floor as if in pain from a stomach ache, spring into the air and then we land on eachothers shoulders like a human totem pole. I always stick the landing :)

We walked as the totem we apparently were over to where I knew a guard would be waiting. I glanced back over my shoulder briefly, only to make haunting eye contact with Cosmic, who inexplicably seemed to be onto us.

“What do you want, kiddo?” I scowled at Cosmic, making sure to emphasise that he is a kiddo, but he just scoffed in a manly, confident manner and I screamed in shock and hoped he didn't notice. I turned away but I knew he was still glaring in my direction, he had a deafening stare and I could hear nothing. Elly and I totemed away hurriedly to where the guards office was. Once we reached it, we slapped onto the floor horizontally with great momentum to avoid being spotted through the window. We slithered to the door of the office and I picked the lock with ease. I did a flying kick at the unsuspecting guard, only to find that he WAS suspecting and the second I made eye contact, I lost all confidence and lost all momentum, falling like a sack of wet mice. The guard attempted to clock me but I was able to dodge, landing back on the shoulders of Elly, who had now also entered the guards office.

Elly secured my legs to her shoulders and bent over, swinging my entire body down onto the guard. The collision knocked both myself and the guard unconscious. By the time that I awoke, Elly had defeated every guard in the office but had some devastating news for me.

“No taser here, Obsidian :(.“ She told me glumly. I was so disappointed. I longed to be unconscious again to avoid the grief, but Elysium wasn't planning on letting me rest for long!! She yanked me to my feet and we assumed the position — the totem position, that is. My head smacked on the door frame as we cantered out of the guards office in search of a taser of our own.

Unfortunately for us, we worked out where all of the fresh tasers were instantly: the headmasters office, of course. I didn't want to see him just yet… it was too soon… my heart still yearned for him so I needed some distance. But Elly didn’t care, as evidenced by her choke-slamming me into the ground and demanding I answer her when I told her I wasn’t ready to go.

"Take me there, Obsidian!" She smiled, rubbing my face into the dirt. I dragged myself over to the garden, Elly still making me eat the dirt, and got ready to plant the turnips once more.

The garden was near empty, the only soul was one decrepit, withering old prisoner who was clearly struggling with his Turnipean community service.

“GET OUT OF HERE, YOU OLD BITCH!!!” I howled and the old bitch went scampering. His turnips were now all unattended. All 14 of them. But I only needed 13😏. So I did what anyone would do with the one spare😏😏. I crunched it into a paste with my molars as I began to plant the mandatory 13 summoning turnips. I had deduced with my infallible deduction skills that without an available Turnipean sacrifice, planting the turnips will simply open up a portal to the headmaster’s office, as opposed to summoning him outright. Thus, with no alerted headmaster, Elysium and I were free to travel! But only if the headmaster wasn't in the office…

And he wasn’t! Elly and I snuck through the dark, quiet and headmaster-less office in search of the tasers. They were all on a floor-to-ceiling set of shelves. I'd been here before for very extended periods of time and I had NEVER seen the taser shelf, so I could conclude this was a new, conveniently-timed installation. I was happy to find them all in one place but deeply troubled that they had been recalled from the guards and placed here right when I needed them. Had the headmaster predicted every move!?!? I shook and trembled like a newborn doe as Elly confidently took a taser from the wall.

Elly turned around and opened her mouth to give me her signature “Aha!” when a large cage dropped from the ceiling and ensnared us.

“I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!” I roared at Elly, despite not warning her of this situation once, “NOW WE ARE ENSNARED IN A COMICALLY DEPLOYED CAGE!!” Elly scowled at me like the idiot I apparently was and gave a very high pitched whistle. The pitch of the whistle was so high that I didn’t even hear it. But someone else did. Cosmic dropped from the interdimensional ceiling and landed in a superhero pose, sending tremors through the ground and destabilising my young doe legs. Venus dropped beside him, now fully hydrated and the two of them strutted over to the cage. Cosmic lifted it high enough for Elly and I to escape but now we had a bigger problem. The sound of high heels clicking towards us from the desperate void behind The Door I was all too familiar with.

“Cosmic,” I slapped his face, “You have to get us out of here with your transdimensional knowledge.”

“Why would I do that for you?” he chuckled, curling the cage like a dumbbell. I slapped him once more and he picked me up and threw me across the office like a ragdoll. I wilted as I reached the ground, crying at such a high pitch I knew only Elysium could hear, prompting her to sigh and try and reason with the egocentric, delusional, too-big-for-his-britches Cosmic.

“Cosmic, if you don’t get us out of here, we are all gonna get mauled by the headmaster.” she said, fluttering her eyelashes in an attempt to engage his newly found man-ego.

“Not my issue, baby-girl,” Cosmic Tomorrow said, despite looking like a baby himself. “I’LL be fine since I'm built different.” he flexed. But that was my line >:\. I charged him and he glanced at me, smirking lightly at my incompetence since we all knew where this was going.

With that,

I was gone.

My consciousness, my soul, was knocked out of me and I saw myself in the third person. I saw myself glance up and my mind’s eye saw the image of Elly bringing out the taser, ready to put Cosmic back in his place once and for all. This was gonna be good! So I came back to my body, redeeming my front row seats.

Cosmic turned to face Elly and roundhouse kicked the taser out of her hands. The taser skidded across the room towards Venus, who was still sopping wet so I knew he couldn't risk an electric shock. The last thing I need is for super-humanly gorgeous Venus to get a complex. The look Cosmic gave Elysium after that was down right bloodcurdling. He strolled towards her and she backed away from him until she hit the wall. She looked down at him as he stood on his toes to intimidate her further, and though I had just returned to my body, I had to step in to save god's gift to the earth, Venus Crypt. Also Elysium Forging. I, Obsidian Leviathan, ran in slow motion to the taser before whipping around to face off with Cosmic Tomorrow and end his reign of terror.

He scarcely had time to lower himself from his toe-heightened position as I jabbed the taser into his spleen, administering a little thing I like to call, electrotherapy. He screamed out in unbridled agony and I felt tears stream down my face from the power of the moment.

I finally felt the power I had craved ever since I was young and desperate as Cosmic Tomorrow fell to the ground, unmoving. I turned around to do my usual holler of victory but then saw something positively awful: the headmaster was standing in the office and he had seen everything! He smiled, and clapped slowly in a condescending manner as he ominously walked towards me.

“Congratulations, Obsidian Leviathan” though his mouth was moving, his voice spoke directly into my head. “Have you found the power you craved? What has it cost?” I didn’t gratify this with a response. I looked to Cosmic’s small, fried body and back to my hands that still grasped the taser with white knuckles. I was no man like I had longed to be recognised as, rather, I was a monster. I stood there contemplating what I had done for a short while. I was lost in thought, just like the headmaster had intended. He leaned in close to my right ear while I couldn't tear my eyes from my murderous hands.

“You truly are a Criminal, Obsidian Leviathan.” He spoke, though I heard his voice through my left ear instead. “You belong in this wretched place.”

I threw my head back and screamed: “NOOOOO!!” The whiplash of throwing my head back caused me to pass out.

[purpleprey]

Chapter 6: The Mystery of the Charred Poet

After only a few seconds of convincing, we were now sitting in a circle, the, now empty ;), jar in the middle of us. As the one who suggested the game, I decided to go first.

“This is going to be Spin the “Bottle” meets Truth or Dare. Because Cosmic is like seven.” I announced, spinning the “bottle”. I crossed my fingers and prayed out loud, but to my visible disappointment, the lid of the jar pointed to Cosmic.

“Oh what fun!” he clasped his hands, awaiting my truth/dare :(. I reluctantly asked him the Question and he eagerly requested a dare.

“Uhm,” my eyes darted around the room, trying to conjure an idea for what to force upon Cosmic Tomorrow. “Vandalise that bookshelf.” I requested, pointing to a bookshelf and he burst out crying. Regardless of his feelings, he jumped to his feet to complete his Dare, surprisingly. He returned to the circle with splinters in his palms and the bookshelf was no more. He looked haunted in the eyes as he spun the “bottle”. It landed on Elly. Elly happily asked for a truth from Cosmic, and Cosmic complied also happily.

“Okay Elysium, here’s your truth: what is your deepest, darkest shame?” He said, still very happy.

Elysium’s eyes went dull and she dropped her head to look at her hands in her lap as she began to tell us the story.

“It all started long ago in the distant year of 2086, I had been arrested for a string of breaking-and-enterings. I had some friends on the outside who were planning to bust me out. I knew that they would follow through, but being two years old, I simply slipped through the prison bars and made my escape through the vents. Though I didn't tell my accomplices in advance… They were captured during my escape and sentenced to death. Meanwhile, I began to track down the man who sold me out to the pigs and got me locked up in the first place. I would've been charged with aggravated assault, but being in the “Troublesome Twos” stage of human development, the law was in my favour. So, I was let off easy; only had to serve three months of community service. But I still hadn't finished. There were still a few… “loose ends” to tie up, and I admit, I acted violently and selfishly, since my comrades were still on death row because of me. After completing my vengeance, I decided to go back for my boys and I knew exactly who to turn to. I knew a guy, who knew a guy, about 46 years old, lived in the mountains of Venezuela and he was a poet by trade, but he had a lot of dirty little secrets he was hiding. I blackmailed him with those secrets and had him help me with the prison break. He was a brilliant man since he had discovered a foolproof way to break into any prison by utilising Earth's very specific gravitational pull.” She took a moment to wipe a single tear from her face. This next part must be difficult.

“We managed to break out all 700 of my pals but … my tiny baby arms were not strong enough to pull the poet from the rubble before the guards called for reinforcements. There was a blinding flash of light that lasted for two hours and, when it died down, I saw the immolated body of the poet. I have no idea what they could’ve done to him but nothing has ever haunted me more than that man that I could not save.”

The room was silent for a moment.

“So that’s why the government developed prison moons …” Cosmic realised.

“And that's why you do so much weightlifting at the gym ...” I realised. “And that must also be why you missed my second birthday party …” Elly nodded shamefully.

“It was my deepest regret I could not attend, Obsidian. Mother and I had bought you a gift and everything and I couldn’t give it to you until the day after.” She tried to hold back a sob. She then jerked her hand forward and spun the “bottle”. It landed on me. I clapped my hands excitedly and requested Elly’s finest dare.

“Okay Obsidian, here is your dare: go back into the kitchen, and eat something human :).” I gasped audibly. I did not want to, plus the dried bay leaves were gone >:(. But a dare is a dare so I trudged to the kitchen, walked over to the pot, lifted it up, unhinged my jaw, and tipped the head into my mouth, swallowing it whole. I did it in this manner to avoid the taste, or lack thereof, but the feeling of the boiled skin and the equally boiled hair that had not been plucked from the scalp against the walls of my throat was more than disgusting. However, to complete the dare fairly, I could not throw up. I waddled back into the library and resumed my position in the circle.

I glanced nervously at Venus, who luckily wasn't paying attention when I consumed the boiled cranium, and I snatched up the jar very adorably to impress him. I threw it to the ground and it spun for a bit before stopping. It landed on Venus!

“Uh, truth.” he said airily.

“Okay Venus, here’s your truth: who do you like >////<?” I asked, tucking my hair behind my ear. Venus, to my surprise, looked at me with wide eyes and his face went red. He chuckled nervously for a moment before averting his gaze, embarrassed, twirling his silky, glorious hair with his finger as he searched for the words to answer. I almost screamed in delight and excitement, but I managed to contain myself since I couldn't risk throwing off Venus’s train of thought.

“I know this will sound certifiable but the person that I like is …” He drew in a breath before he continued. I held my breath. This was it.

“Ok i know you will all say “Venus, that is crazy”” he went on “And i will say “I know, but i am telling the truth” and you will say “Venus, no way, this is so sudden” and I will say “I have been dropping hints I think” so you see, um, uh.. It is not SO weird” he chuckled nervously again.

“So you see… what i am trying to say is…. The person I KINDA like….”

There was so much tension I could've DIED right there. But I could not die a fulfilled man without receiving Venus Crypt’s confession.

“... Is Cougar Husbandry.”

“... What..?” I whimpered.

Venus blushed more and laughed even more nervously. I felt tears begin to prick at the corner of my eyes. This news had devastated me. The others continued the conversation for a bit, but I couldn't hear them, since all my senses had gone numb with shock, until Elysium Forging tapped on my shoulder.

“H-how about you, Obsidian? Who do.. YOU like?” she blushed. I saw red.

“You absolute fucking cunts! You’re all trying to make fun of me and I will not take it anymore!” WIth that, I stood up and fled back into the kitchen. How could my only friend, Elysium Forging make fun of me like that since she KNEW how I felt! It wasn’t until forty-three minutes later that someone came into the kitchen to make sure I was alright. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed to see Cosmic Tomorrow walking through the door. He crawled into the cupboard under the sink next to me and we sat in silence for the rest of the day until he turned his head to give me some advice. My mouth dropped in shock and my head began to spin at what he said to me. The advice I was given was monumental. Earth-shattering. I was a changed man. Cosmic Tomorrow had metaphorically forced my third eye open and rearranged my chakras and I couldn't even feel violated, because he was right. I exited the cupboard on shaky knees and made my way back into the library to apologise to Elly for how poorly I reacted to her question. It was a very long apology. I practiced my apology speech as I crawled into the library to wake up Elly since everyone had been waiting for so long. But Elly wouldn’t wake up!

I sorrowfully lay down on the ground next to her and recited my speech that I had practised so hard, directly into her ear.

“That is a terrible apology.” It was Venus Crypt’s voice, emanating from right behind me. I rolled onto my back, fast as a really awesome otter to stare at him with an unidentifiable emotion, similar to shock. Venus stared down at me, eyes filled with disgust, my apology was clearly not to his liking ):.

“I didn't make it for YOU!” I retorted as I slipped away to hide under the closest desk to peer out at him. He narrowed his eyes.

“You know, I thought we were finally making some progress here, Obsidian.” He said angrily. “Yet here we are. I am not going to let this go on any longer.”

I hissed at him from under my safe little place like an enraged ferret, but he started walking over to me and I shuddered in fear. He was deeply offended by my little hiss and screamed in response before dragging me out from under my safe space. I writhed around while he held me aloft by my ankles (my only weakness) like I was a prized catch of salmon and he was a redneck boy's tinder profile. I blinked my eyes furiously and he opened his mouth to shout at me when Cosmic suddenly came out from the kitchen.

“Are you guys fighting?!” He whined, sounding distressed before he dropped to his knees to sob in despair. Venus and I looked at each other for a moment. I was hoping to continue our fight but Venus appeared to feel guilty at making Cosmic despair. So he laid me across the desk like a raw tuna at an expensive sushi bar before turning away from me and leaning against the desk with his arms crossed. We stayed like that until Cosmic’s sobbing woke Elly up.

“I had the strangest dream..” She said groggily as she sat up, rubbing her eyes. She must’ve received my apology.

“What was it about?” I said, trying to sound casual.

“You were there, Obsidian. You were giving me the shittest apology I have ever heard with my own two ears.”

Enraged, I threw a dictionary I found on the desk at her, but I missed while she stretched and yawned. Once Elly was awake and alert, we made the decision to continue our journey. I asked Cosmic where we would be going but I didn’t like his answer.

“The hospital. Obsidian. You still have a bullet wound” he stated and I pouted angrily. My companions seized me limb by limb and began to carry me to the nearest hospital. I shrieked the whole way there. Unfortunately, the only hospital we could access via interdimensional travel was the infirmary at OUR ORIGINAL FUCKING PRISON MOON!!!! I was shocked into silence when we arrived; surely we were still wanted here.

“I’m sorry, Obsidian.” Cosmic said regretfully as we heard the guards running down the hall. “We talked about this whilst you were sulking, and it's for the best :(.“ I had never felt so betrayed before but I couldn’t dwell on my feelings for long. The guards arrived and we, being escapees, were dragged away in different directions and Venus Crypt was arrested for public indecency.

I was carried into the infirmary and left to wait for the nurse to arrive. I was there so long that I had time to write out my last will and testament, just in case ;). But ... my pen hovered over the scroll of paper as I realised there was no one to leave my earthly possessions to since all my “friends” had betrayed my trust and my love that I constantly showed them. I heard the clack of high heels approaching and I put down my pen in anticipation of the nurse’s arrival. But it wasn’t the nurse who entered the infirmary.

It was the headmaster! He click-clacked over to the end of my hospital bed to stare down at me, amused. He then, to add insult to injury, pushed a button on the ground meant to adjust the bed’s position with his thigh high leather heels. He then, to add insult to my physical injury, threw some salt in my bullet wound. My bed folded in half comically and I heard my spine almost crack, though I managed to adapt. I guess I’m just built different. And now, I was a little worried my spine would heal different too. The headmaster leaned over me and began to speak to me in a dead language. It sent chills up my bent spine and I thought to myself I'd rather just speak to that bastard God again. The headmaster then grabbed me by the head and dragged me back to his office (where we first kissed). I realised now that crossing dimensions is pretty vomit-inducing to do so frequently so I dropped on my hands and knees on his hardwood office floor to wait for the room to stop spinning. But it didn’t stop. I realised that it wasn’t just my head making the room spin, the room was quite literally spinning. The centripetal force increased. I slid a little before being flung through the air, slamming against the side of the room while the Headmaster stood as steady and stable as a fucking steel pole on the centre of the room, confident in his rotations. One of his cruel tricks, no doubt.

After several hours and several minutes, the room finally came to a halt. I slipped onto the floor again, almost entirely liquidated by the continuous spinning. Fortunately, I was still solid enough to leap towards the headmaster, locking him in a headlock. My attack was flawless in execution, however, I failed to account for The Headmaster’s impenetrable steel-like neck muscles as I hung from his neck like a human scarf. He did not like this new accessory, so he ripped me off of his neck and threw me across the room like a ragdoll and I smashed through a glass cabinet. Behind the cabinet, a nail was sticking out of the wall and as I smacked into the wall, somehow, I managed to land in a way that allowed me to hang from the nail like the scarf I apparently was. I hung there for several weeks before the headmaster had the decency to resume our battle. I knew I'd been “left hanging”, so to speak, as a form of psychological warfare to force me to fall into the delusion that I was in fact a scarf, but I’d already come to terms with that long ago and now, I had fully re-solidified.

[purpleprey]

Chapter 5: Dead Gun

I woke up to my three companions crowded around me, staring at me with wildly tired eyes.

“What are you doing?” I asked in my smooth, deep, sexy voice (due to popular demand). “Have you been standing there all night?”

“Yeah.” Venus said, deprived of his usual sexiness, just as he was deprived of his sleep.

“What was with your freak out last night?” Elysium queried, sounding both concerned and irritated. But I didn’t really know what she was talking about :/. I quirked my eyebrow in confusion and asked her huskily what she meant.

She blushed momentarily before continuing “You just started screaming to yourself, is your head ok?? I slapped you pretty hard…” she fidgeted nervously with her hands.

“Oh, my head is fine. And I wasn’t screaming to myself. I was screaming at God.” Elysium's face went blank, and so did everyone else's, including Venus though his face was usually blank.

“Y-You were speaking to … God?” Cosmic asked timidly and I glared at him.

“I know right?” I huffed, “He was all like ohhhhh thee cannot brew tea in a cold pot and the taste of cheese ripens with age and Obsidian go through the door, for the love of me and all that is holy, go through that fucking door and something about mushrooms but I’ve heard it all before,” I paraphrased mockingly. “In another life.” Elysium, Cosmic and Venus nodded in understanding.

“I’ll go get him some medicine.” Venus sighed, standing up in a fashion that suggested he assumed I was suffering from a crazed fever dream. I didn’t like being patronised so I jumped to my feet and ran to the medicine before he got the chance to administer it to me. I shoved the medicinal leaves in my gaping maw pompously (and sexily) before Venus could even say “That’s poison ivy.”

My mouth exploded in pain but I handled it. I guess I’m just built different. I clenched my chiseled jaw, looking ver hot, if I do say so myself. I began to froth lightly at the mouth, so I lifted the hem of my shirt to wipe my mouth with it, accidentally flashing my rock hard abs. I glanced sharply at the others and took note of Elly, whose face was flushed a bright red. She must be a bit jealous of my body, ripped with muscles. I gave her a wink of apology and deep platonic understanding and she fell backwards dramatically. It was just a little joke the two of us had together, I think, so I knew she was okay. Cosmic glanced down at her in concern and glanced back up at me. I winked at Cosmic to communicate what was happening but he just stared back blankly. I heard Cosmic’s thoughts race as he had an identity crisis, but I inferred it was unrelated.

With everyone’s attention on me, I decided to sing for my audience.

It went like this:

[insert song here]

I took a deep bow at the conclusion of my song as Elysium and Cosmic showered me in applause and praise. Venus tried to keep up his distracted appearance but I could tell he was impressed by my sensual ballad. The tiredness was gone from their eyes and morale was restored since I had healed them with music and love. I turned sharply and began to march to the red door I saw last night. I walked with such a sense of authority that the others couldn’t help but follow me. By the way, Venus was now holding a wooden bucket of water I presumed Cosmic had conjured with plant-based magic during the night to keep him as moist as mermanly possible.

It took us a while to reach the door and once we did, Cosmic let out a loud gasp.

“Wh-what is it!?” I asked, full of worry that something was terribly wrong, since Cosmic knows an uncomfortable amount about these sorts of places.

“Red is my favourite colour.” he answered. We all nodded in understanding. I reached out to touch the doorknob, which was burning hot, which was strange so I turned to look to the others for guidance while my hand sizzled loudly. They shrugged in unison so I simply turned the doorknob and pushed the door open.

I climbed up and out of the door, which on the other side was lying horizontally on the floor of what seemed like some old dusty library. One by one, my companions crawled out of the door as I stood up to explore. It seemed like a pretty big area with lots of ugly old bookshelves and two huge wooden desks that were also icky and dusty. Ugh, I hate libraries, always so icky. I wandered over to a surprisingly clean looking book that was on the floor between the two desks. I picked up the strange, seemingly recently used book, and I was about to examine the front cover, when I remembered Mama Leviathan told me NEVER to judge a book by its cover. I flipped through the book. It was a cookbook. But what was on the menu? I began to feel really uneasy and I looked around noting that there were no kitchen appliances or anything like that, so who could've been reading this book!?

Suddenly, I heard a loud crash come from the next room over, like someone had just knocked over a pan.

I turned to my Gang slowly, fear in my eyes.

“Guys…” I said quietly, as not to cause alarm. “This ain't no library.” I had deduced, this was in fact………. A library themed restaurant. Everyone else immediately came to the same conclusion, I could taste it on their breath. I looked back down to the cookbook and was able to confirm another suspicion of mine: these recipes were for cooking humans!

“Don’t be scared,” Elly said quietly, seeing I was scared. She took out her.. Her gun?!

“WHERE DID YOU GET THAT??” I cried. Elly winked at me conspiratorially but I simply cried harder. I was lucky, since all the cooking noises drowned out my weeping for whatever cannibal was lurking. After a few hours, Venus got fed up with my tears and slapped me. I went flying in a very sexy way. The glistening water droplets from Venus’s hand framed me cinematically as I glided through the air like a brick. It took me several hours to recover but once I did, I began to lead my posse towards the door (not the red one, the one that led to the kitchen, the kitchen door).

“Elly, you go first.” I whispered harshly, pushing Elysium (with the gun) in front of me, where I nervously held onto the fabric of the back of her shirt. We ran into the kitchen at full speed, hoping that whoever was cooking would be intimidated by us. They were not. In fact. There was no one there… but something felt suspicious since a pot on the stove was still at full boil….

“Hey,” Venus said, interrupting the tension of the moment “I need more water.” He showed me his near empty bucket and I sighed. I spotted a sink in the far corner of the room and shoved Venus towards it. He stumbled a bit, since I pushed him, but he shuffled dejectedly over to the sink as I turned to Elly to do some recon. We walked over to the pot on the stove, the one that was still at full boil. Elly reached forward and took the lid of the pot. I screamed at what we saw.

Inside the pot was a human head, bobbing in the boiling water, criminally unseasoned. I had never seen such an insult. I like to consider myself a connoisseur of cooking, a regular foodie, if you will. Though a human head wouldn't be my first, or last choice of meal, I don't want to disrespect the culture of whoever’s making this human stock, but the lack of flavour is TOO much. I began to tear up once more as I moved towards the pantry to fix this.

As I took a jar of dried bay leaves off the shelf, I was interrupted by the sound of water pipes squeaking and I turned in horror to where Venus Crypt was standing (still naked, by the way) at the sink. Venus stood, frozen and gorgeous, as a figure rose from the sink. A small figure with pink dyed hair and glasses and a fishnet shirt and short black overalls. Venus stepped backwards to give the stranger room to scramble out of the sink. She landed gracefully on all fours and looked up at us in confusion. Before I could introduce myself as Obsidian Leviathan, Elysium Forging drew her gun and shot the sink stranger. The stranger fell back onto the floor, dead. I thought it was a bit harsh of Elly, but we are dealing with a cannibal.

Presently, the stranger rose from the floor, alive. She hissed at Elly and drew out a gun of her own.

“My name is Cougar Husbandry.” Announced the girl who seemed like she turned 18 on the 23rd of July, 2020. I could tell by the look in her green cat-like sight balls that she held a lot of ancient wisdom within. “And you have evoked my wrath.” This was insane!!

“What a stupid fucking name.” I said, provoking an enraged hiss in response from Cougar Husbandry. “Anyways, my name is Obsidian Leviathan. These are my pals: Elysium Forging, Cosmic Tomorrow and Venus Crypt.”

“I DO NOT CARE!” she yowled, shooting her own gun into the air, making chunks of the plaster ceiling rain down onto us. I didn’t like that.

I ran at Cougar and tackled her to the ground before she had a chance to shoot. I killed her. I stood up shakily, blood on my hands… I... I can't believe it… I didn't mean to.. I- Cougar Husbandry stood up and pounced on me, scratching at me with her painted nails. I ran away from her and hid behind my gang.

“WHY WON'T SHE DIE?” I sobbed and Cosmic gave me a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

“She has nine lives, dumbass.” Venus said. I wailed. Venus, being a merman must know about these kinds of things, whatever “these kinds of things” are. Elysium shot at Cougar again, but this time, she dodged the bullet. Cougar then aimed her gun directly at Venus’ face and pulled the trigger.

Time seemed to slow down at that moment and I knew what I had to do. I jumped in front of the bullet sexily. The bullet lodged in the DENSE muscle of my shoulder as I moved through the air in slow motion and I fell to the ground gorgeously at Venus’s feet while simultaneously, Elysium pulled the trigger in retaliation, sending a bullet directly into Cougar Husbandry’s gun, killing it.

Cougar cried out in anguish, dropping her dead gun to the floor. She glared at us with dilated cat eyes, making a motion that told me this wasn’t over. She left, scittering away on all fours. She slipped back into the pipes.

I breathed a sigh of relief and closed my eyes while I lay on the cool, tiled floor, waiting for death to take me. But God spoke once more.

“Thou art a fooleth. Thee has't only hath killed yond wench twice. The lady shall beest thy undoing, knave.” His voice boomed for only me to hear. “Receiveth up! Thou art not dead, tis only thy shouldst'r!”

I groaned and sat up, as per God’s request, only to find everyone crowded around me and Venus holding my limp, alive body tearily. We stared each other in the eyes for twenty-seven minutes before I gracefully scrambled to my feet, exuding sexual appeal.

“Obsidian, you.. you saved my life!” Venus informed me as he inched forward and he… HE brushed MY hair behind MY ear :O. We began to stare into each other’s eyes once again before we were rudely interrupted by Cosmic’s incredibly un-sexy voice.

“Obsidian, you are still bleeding out!” He said with genuine concern, pointing to where the bullet violated me by jabbing his thumb into the raw, bleeding entry wound “We have to fix you up!” I clenched my jaw from the pain but I managed to handle it. I guess I'm just built different. I readied myself to be carried, bridal style, into the library room like I’d seen in movies, but the most action I got was Venus holding the door open while we shuffled out of the kitchen. I went and collapsed on one of the desks and Elly brought out a first aid kit to tend to my wound. She held up a bandage but I halted her with my hand. I could handle this myself. I flexed my bicep, expelling the bullet that was lodged in the muscle. I glanced at Cosmic and Venus, the latter of which was still staring at me. When my eyes met his deep, sensual, upturned brown ones, I looked away nervously and my heart flatlined shyly >/////<.

I woke back up to a shout of “CLEAR!” I recognised the voice to belong to my lifelong best friend, Elysium Forging. As I jolted upright, I grabbed Elly by the collar of her shirt and yanked her down so my mouth was at her ear so we could have some gossip time :).

“Elysium!” I whispered so quietly and at a pitch so high only Elly could hear me (this was something we had practiced) “I.. I just realised something and I.. I don't know how to act! No one’s ever liked… little old ME before.” Before she could say anything I shoved her back up and acted casual. This was very difficult for me, as I realised my shirt was open because of the defibrillating I had just endured >////<. I glanced at Venus who was sitting just past where Elysium had collapsed on the floor (The pretending-to-faint-because-of-me joke was getting KIND of old but, it's part of her charm :) ). While everyone was still emotionally recovering from their ordeal with Cougar Husbandry, I began to formulate a plan. I found that even sitting on this desk I was quite uncomfortable, so I reached under my buttocks and found that I had stashed the jar of bay leaves in my back pocket.

“Hey, you guys >////<.” I said. “Can I interest you in a game of Spin the “Bottle”?”

[purpleprey]

Chapter 4: Mannequin in the Creek

We bobbed to the surface of the water. We were now in a decently sized puddle, right beside a creek. I lifted Elysium up and out of the puddle, which could fit about 2 people, before climbing out and releasing Cosmic who was trapped underneath me. Once he was on land again, Cosmic took off his straw hat and wrung it out like a sponge (I didn’t think a straw hat would hold water like that, but Cosmic’s apparently did). He then placed it back atop his carrot-coloured hair.

“Is this the place?” I asked skeptically, looking around the creek wondering what here could possibly help the frosty Elysium Forging who was now lying on the creek bed.

“Oh yes,” Began Cosmic, who was still covered in his signature garden dirt despite all the water travelling “This should be it.” He was pointing behind me and as I turned I saw a large tree. There was what looked to be a large, purple apple dangling from its lowest branch (which was still way out of my reach). As I was about to complain about my inability to climb, I heard a voice behind us.

“Hey, you kids,” I whipped around to see a person laying in the creek, propping themselves up on a rock to look at us. It wasn’t until i wandered closer that i realised that the creek person was completely fucking naked. I averted my eyes, so as not to seem rude. The creek person noticed, and began to chortle at my expense.

“What's your deal, man!? Who the fuck are you!?” I yelled, blushing angrily in rage.

“My name is Venus Crypt, and I don't know what you people are doing climbing out of puddles?? But I am a merman.” Venus Crypt said airily, flicking his long auburn hair back.

“YOU HAVE LEGS!!!” I screamed accusingly, pointing at his human legs, “In what way could you POSSIBLY be a merman?!?!?!”

“In the ways that matter, baby <3.” he said smoothly and casually, but with an air of slight annoyance as he looked me up and down. I was much more annoyed than he ever could be, but I decided not to press the matter any further. I turned to Cosmic with an air of slight rage and demanded he fix Elly NOW so that we could leave this incorrect merman as soon as possible. I knelt down beside the icy Elly and clenched my fist in silent determination as I vowed in my heart to thaw her.

I stood straight back up and followed Cosmic over to the tree.

“We need an apple from here, it will heal Elysium.” Cosmic explained calmly, but I was not calm. There was no way I could reach the apple (definitely no way Cosmic could) and there were no lower branches that I could climb on.

I turned to Venus, the so-called “merman”.

“So, Mr. Merman” I said mockingly, hands on my hips “Do you want to use any magical Merman powers to help us out here >:(“

“Ah, not technically,” he said and I let out a condescending laugh. Stupid fucking merman. Pathetic. But then Venus stood up, out of the water, putting his 6ft 4 tall body on FULL display with ZERO warning, but by god, he was beautiful….

I grimaced. Objectively, Venus was ethereal. I was not. Coming in at a measly 5’10, I suddenly felt like a mole rat who wasn't handsome at all besides Venus who must've been what Leonardo Da Vinci had in mind when creating the Vitruvian man. Although I found his personality insufferable. Why do good things happen to subjectively bad people >:(

You must be wondering what Venus looks like. I lost my words as I gazed upon his silky, wavy auburn hair that reached down to his snatched, delicate waist. The sunlight hit his hair, making it look like pure bronze, and I had to hold back a gasp. As I stood, dumbfounded, he looked down at me with deep, sensual brown upturned eyes that fit his face all too perfectly as his steely gaze examined my expression. I felt I must've looked like a FOOL, but I couldn't look away. I will never take the colour brown for granted ever again. He smiled at me in amusement and I felt my eyes begin to water. Behind his voluptuous red lips, he had such perfectly white teeth, I could see my own inadequacies reflected back at me. He had a strong Grecian nose with a strong bridge, and yet, it was simultaneously so delicate and it complimented every feature on his clear, olive skin. He had what I always imagined the perfect ear to look like … and he had two of them. I clenched my fists and my jaw, tensing every muscle, telling my self not to fall head over heels for this Greek statue of a man, except, even a perfectly designed marble statue could not be as supernaturally gorgeous as this stupid fucking creek (mer)man. The veins on my neck were close to bursting. I was THAT tense. He had an almost feminine chin and a jawline so sharp and strong, he could cut me into pieces if he wanted to. And to my horror, I think I would let him. I suddenly understood how Adam felt in God’s garden of Eden, because when my eyes fell on this man’s perfect neck, I wanted so badly to partake of the forbidden fruit. And then there were his shoulders … They were so broad and very muscular (but not too muscular). This was a man who lived his life in fruitless vegetation, in decadence, despite inhabiting a creek. He wasn’t a bodybuilder by any means, because of this lifestyle, however, his muscles were still toned and he appeared fit as all fuck. Not to sound like a fucking freak, but objectively, even his feet were attractive. He was too beautiful to even be real. He looked like something you’d use to model clothes in a store. I wouldn't even dare to enter that store because it would feel misleading since I'm sure he would look godlike in any clothing, IF he wore any. Even the thought fills me with so much self doubt I could die right here.

To make a long story short: he was built for pleasure, I thought as my eyes panned further down……

Before I could even bite my lip, my thoughts were interrupted as Venus strided towards the tree. He looked up at the apple and, without any issues, reached up and plucked it out of the tree. He threw it to Cosmic, who brought it over to Elly. Venus knelt in front of me to look at Elly, and I looked at the back of his head and thought about how it would feel to run my fingers through his wavy locks… I sighed.

Cosmic held the apple in one hand and used the other to pry Elly’s mouth open, before shoving the apple into her gaping maw and forcing her lower jaw shut on the purple fruit. He continued the motion to make the unconscious Elysium chew it. The purple juice of the apple leaked out a little but Cosmic just wiped it back into her mouth. Once the apple was chewed to a mush, Cosmic forced Elly to swallow it with a special technique that I could never replicate or describe to you, dear reader. We all held our breaths in nervous anticipation, well, apart from Venus Crypt who seemed to have zoned out entirely. Absolute ass-hat >:(. I snapped my fingers in front of his face but he grabbed my hand out of the air, and continued staring into the distance. I gasped lightly at the touch, but I was still bloody annoyed because I could just tell there were NO thoughts going on in that handsome head of his. I was brought back to the situation at hand when I heard Elly wake up.

“Elysium!!” Cosmic wept in relief beside her as she sat up right and my eyes met hers. Her cheeks flushed pink and she looked away from me nervously. She must've been embarrassed, I, her bff, saw her in such a weak, pathetic state. I wanted to tell her I didn't mind, but Venus stood up. Elly took notice of Venus and her mouth dropped open in shock. She was practically thrown backwards in surprise, because as Venus stood, she now had a face full of It and It was admittedly MOST impressive. What a handsome man. I spat on the ground in rage.

Cosmic stood up and helped Elly to her feet but I stayed in a crouched position in defiance. Cosmic graciously shook Venus’s hand, thanking him for his help and Venus laughed, embarrassed by the praise. The handshake continued for longer than necessary, but Cosmic was practically in tears, he was so grateful, but at that moment, Venus stopped laughing and froze up. He suddenly dropped to the ground, his hand slipping out of Cosmic’s as he began to flail on the ground like a fish out of water. Ohhhh….

"Fucking MERMAN!" I screeched, feeling a headache coming on. “I guess I’ll help him.” I said, trying my hardest to sound reluctant. I tried to brush my hair behind my ear and I couldn't refrain from biting my lip. I crab-walked over to him and tried to lift him. I didn’t think it would be that difficult, especially since I was lifting from the knees. Not only was he too heavy, he was also flopping around too much for me to actually get a hold of him.

Suddenly, Venus Crypt was being lifted into the air. Not by me, Obsidian Leviathan, but by the little garden boy known as Cosmic Tomorrow. I couldn't believe my icy grey eyes. It would've made more sense if he was being lifted by the holy light… if he was ascending into heaven to join the rest of God's angels… but no. Cosmic held Venus close to his chest to stop him from thrashing around violently. Like mother and unreasonably beguiling child. I was a mixture of angry and horrified as Cosmic carried Venus over to the creek and gently baptised him in the water. His face portrayed nothing but kindness and serenity. Elysium looked at me with a face of concern as she asked me why I was crying. I hadn't even realised. I couldn't tell if the tears were caused by my anger at Venus being so hot or at Cosmic for being stronger than me. I decided it was because of Cosmic, he was making me look weak! I knew in my heart, I was a beast, a unit, a forklift, a force to be reckoned with and I could NOT let Cosmic, Venus, the Headmaster and Elly take that from me!

Venus began to settle down in Cosmic's arms. He was no longer writhing, just sitting in the creek as I cried. Venus sat complacently in the creek as Cosmic continued to scoop the clear water over his head maternally. No matter how much water covered him, Venus's hair stayed dry, bouncy and perfect >:/. I turned to Elly, who was still looking at me with concern written all over her face. I quickly wiped the tears off my cheeks and gave her a reassuring smile to ease her worries. It seemed Elly had something she wanted to say!

"I'm sorry about what happened at the lake. I shouldn't have fallen in and I feel really bad for putting you all through that." She said glumly, "When I woke up and realised the trouble I caused, I thought of what YOU always say, Obsidian. 'bit schewpid, innit?’'' she quoted exactly what I supposedly always say in times like this. She looked like she wanted to say more but at that moment, Cosmic cleared his throat to get our attention.

"I talked to Venus Crypt and I think we should take him with us!" He chirped "We could use someone who can reach top shelves!!! Trust me."

I scoffed. “I highly doubt we’ll be needing his services. I don’t trust you, Cosmic, and I definitely don’t trust this fake ass merman.”

But at that moment, Elysium grabbed my arm caringly, almost shattering the bone. She looked me dead in the eyes and I could feel that she was staring directly into my soul.

“Obsidian,” she said softly, “You have to learn to trust again.” Her words moved me so greatly, I thought to myself, if someone like Venus Crypt had said them, I would have fallen in love INSTANTLY. Lucky it was only Elly. I turned back to Cosmic and Venus and nodded my acceptance of their terms. I thought about all of the high shelves we may encounter in our journey. Cosmic was right. I pushed my jet black hair out of my eyes, since it was still sopping wet from the water travelling and all 4 of us (actually, except Venus, I assume) were feeling pretty fucking cold, soggy, and exposed to the elements. I realised that the sunset was quickly approaching so I decided that we would camp here for the night. I took Elly by the hand and we went off in search of firewood.

We had only walked about 5 metres before Elly put her hand on my shoulder, halting me, as she pointed just ahead of us. We were standing 1 metre from a bright red wooden door that I'm lucky Elly pointed out or I would've missed it for sure!!!! We slowly approached the door, cautiously as though it might try and attack us. I grabbed the handle and went to twist it but Elly stopped me.

“Venus lives here and Cosmic has been here before. We should ask one of them about the door, we have no idea what’s behind it!” she whispered.

“Pish! Posh!” I yelled raucously. “Venus probably hasn't strayed far from the creek and Cosmic is like six, I think.” Elly stared at me blankly as I continued to shout in her face about the insolence of our two companions. In fact, I did this all the way back to camp, not closing my gaping maw once.

“I’m not six,” Cosmic whimpered as we returned to where the two fellows were seated. Venus stared at me with a sexy amount of contempt in his eyes.

“Why are you bringing this up now?” I huffed, doing my signature defiant crouch.

“You were yelling raucously, Obsidian, and you were only 6 metres south of us.” Tears were starting to pool in his eyes again.

“If you didn’t want your feelings hurt, you shouldn’t have listened in on my private convo, eavesdropper.” I barked back and then Elly slapped me across the face considerately. I went flying. I landed no less than 6 metres north. I was now 12 metres from the door (a record). I was disheartened on the walk back to the camp, even more so now that I couldn’t take out my anger on Cosmic Tomorrow. Elysium Forging might backhand me if I did it again. I decided I'd just have a tantrum and go to sleep rather than check the door again. But as I curled up on the dirt, the voice of God spoke to me again. It had been many long years since I've heard from Him, that absolute jackass.

“Obsidian Leviathan.”

“WHAT!” I shrieked, tears of rage running down my face into the dirt I lay on, though I knew I was the only one who could hear him.

“I speaketh anon to thee. Thou might not but ope the r'd doth'r yond thou did see with thine eyes.”

“Motherfucker.” I muttered under my breath.

“I can heareth thee!” his voice echoed in my cranium pleasantly. I rolled my eyes. God cleared his throat and continued.

“I wisheth to impart upon thee this wisdom: what joy th're is in living. Peepeth und'r the tent and seeth the clowns.”

“WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?” I wept violently.

“Cap the jar with a tight brass cov'r. The ripe gust of cheese improves with age.” he said wisely. “Thee cannot brew tea in a bitter cold pot. The birch canoe did slide on the smooth planks. Prepareth to square! I shall heave the gorge on thy livings, naughty mushrump!”

Then he went silent and I cried myself to sleep.

[purpleprey]

Chapter 3: Drown the Mirage

I fell back from the bank of the lake in shock. I let out an audible gasp that attracted the attention of Elysium and Cosmic, who came rushing to my side. Elysium began to help me sit up, wondering what was wrong, and I pointed a shaky finger to the water, unable to form the words to describe what I had just seen. Cosmic cautiously walked over to the lake and, in an exact imitation of me, fell back with a gasp. Now I was worried, since I had assumed he'd been here before since he took us here so confidently, but seeing him scared must mean it's bad news!!

"Sorry," he started, standing back up, "that gets me everytime." He laughed awkwardly. Oh.

Next, Elly walked towards the lake. However, she did not fall backward with a gasp, which honestly would have been more appropriate. Instead, she fell forward and into the lake. SHIT! MY LIFELONG FRIEND ELYSIUM FORGING!! I pushed Cosmic Tomorrow off me and scrambled to the water's edge. As terrified as I was that this ‘water’ could be saliva, I decided to dive in and save my lifelong friend Elysium Forging. But as I got into a professional diver’s position, I caught my reflection, which now showed the image of Elly. She wasn't ugly or anything but it was still extremely off-putting.

When I finally overcame my discomfort and dove in, I was met with a horrific sight. There was Elly. Behind her was a ghostly figure, holding my lifelong friend up like a puppet.

"You dick-face!! Let her go!!" I spoke clearly, despite being fully submerged in the thick, thick water. I'd trained for a situation like this.

The dick-face in question did not let Elly go, but merely hissed at me. You know me, I hate violence, but I launched myself at the figure to grab its neck with both hands, and miraculously, despite it looking like nothing more than an apparition, my hands did in fact grab it. So I tried to choke it out, but nothing happened. Next, I tried to punch it, but it hurt my hand more than it hurt the spectre. This frustrated me, since things like this usually worked out for me, but now I was running out of oxygen and I really didn't want the salivary water in my mouth. So, I did the only thing I could think of: I grabbed Elly by the hand and swam strongly to the surface of the saliva pool. As I swam, I looked behind me, only to see the spirit-like thing still holding onto Elly, which didn't seem ideal.

The three of us managed to make it back to shore. I then tackled the spirit back into the lake, leaving Cosmic to resuscitate Elly. Before I crashed back into the lake, I heard Cosmic yell out "YOU!" In an accusatory tone, as if he recognised the spectre, but I had no time to go down that rabbit hole, as I had to defeat the spirit and fast.

The spectre and I slowly sank to the bottom of the lake, hands around each other’s throats, and I noticed that it was somehow breathing in oxygen and I knew what I had to do. I groaned reluctantly and pinched the mirage’s nose closed and with my other hand, grabbed it's face and kissed it firmly on the mouth. Now I wouldn't say it was sexy or anything, since I was simply doing my duty, but…

… It did the job. The spectre flailed violently and I held on as tight as I could. As I practically stole the air from its spirit lungs, the spectre grabbed my face, but not to return the sentiment, instead I suddenly saw my life flash before my eyes. I wasn't dying, I don't think, but the ghost in an act of malice began to show me my worst, most traumatic memories.

Here they are (in chronological order):

My first day as a Boy Scout

The time I spilt hot coffee on my computer

The death of my entire family

When the teacher mispronounced my surname (it was an insult on my family)

The time I was shoved into a pool fully clothed

The confiscation of my viper by the US government

When I stubbed my toe on my dresser

Vegas

When a bat flew into my house and I couldn't get it out (it may have been rabid)

The time I was chased home by a magpie in September (it was imported)

When I was strip searched at the airport

When I forgot to study for my prostate exam (imagine my shock when I found out what it was)

Vegas again

The last time I was kidnapped and waterboarded

Girl scouts

When I had to kill my new friend in New Mexico

When I woke up during my surgery

The death of the giant Viper

I could scarcely hold back my tears as they began to dilute the thick water, but I held onto the mirage as it stopped moving entirely. As I let it go, it floated upwards gently before evaporating entirely into the lake and I couldn't stop myself from scream-sobbing until I passed out under the lake.

I woke up to the face of Cosmic Tomorrow hovering above me. I screamed even as I awoke since my heart was so broken from what I saw under the surface of the lake. But Cosmic slapped his hand over my mouth to silence me as he looked at me with bright eyes.

"Obsidian, you did it! You drowned the mirage!" I breathed a sigh of relief, overjoyed that I had drowned the mirage.

Cosmic helped me to my feet, and I suddenly remembered Elly almost drowning, just like the mirage. I turned to ensure that she was alright. She was still unconscious, just like she was when the spectre had her in its clutches but she was still breathing steadily.

“Elysium was cursed by the lake mirage” Cosmic informed me mournfully. I wailed in agony. I grasped Elly’s cold WET hand in sorrow but that's when I noticed that her hand was a lot colder than usual. Not like she was dead, but like she was freezing like a human ice block. Deadass. This must be the curse!

I turned and grabbed Cosmic by the head and began to shout at him.

“You have been here before, haven’t you? You knew about this lake, and this curse, and you said nothing! You little botanist bitch!” Cosmic writhed and thrashed but my grip on his head was too strong as he wailed.

“Please, Obsidian! I meant nothing by it!” he sobbed “I know we can break the curse! I'm just sure of it!!!!”

I threw Cosmic back. He stumbled a few steps, almost landing in the lake, but stopped just short of it.

“I know a place...” he said, tentatively brushing his orange hair behind his ear. “Please take Elysium and follow right behind me!” he added. He then began to walk away from the lake at a brisk pace. I quickly scooped Elly up and then ran to catch up with him. Just as I thought he was about to disappear into the trees that surround the interdimensional clearing, he suddenly stopped, turned around and started running full speed at the lake before leaping into the water. The water that was thick, as I previously stated. Thick water. I dropped my head and my jet black hair fell in my face; it was still very wet from being in the thick water. I then ran and leapt into the lake to follow Cosmic.

It was dark under the water, but I already knew that from having already been in the lake, so it was a while before I spotted Cosmic who was steadily sinking downwards into the deceivingly deep lake. I was kind of worried he'd passed away on impact or something, but no, I could tell he was still with us since he was gripping his little straw hat to prevent it from floating up and away from him. I pinched Elly’s nose shut and covered her mouth (with my hand, not like how I defeated the water ghoul) so that she would not be breathing in any more of the thick, thick water.

We continued sinking for around twelve more minutes, before everything went bright and we began to float up at a very rapid pace. I was pretty stressed out at this moment, but looking at Cosmic, he seemed entirely calm (which for someone like him is kind of unusual I GUESS), but before I knew it, we had entered what I could only assume to be a different (still thematically water based) dimension.

[purpleprey]

Chapter 2: Crime of Kissing the Headmaster

Everything was dark for a moment, but then I opened my eyes. The sight I was greeted by was glorious: I was sitting in a large armchair, a great oak desk sat between me and the Headmaster, who was sitting atop a golden throne. It all felt very official and professional, which simultaneously made it feel just a little scandalous and I felt a little nervous. But the Headmaster wasn't looking at me. He was looking straight up into the air, so I followed his gaze and was met with an astonishing sight. Instead of an office ceiling, there was a huge flatscreen LED monitor across the roof, which although impressive, did not seem at ALL ergonomic considering the posture you'd have to take to even view it.

On the screen, I could see all of the other inmates in the gardens. It was some sort of camera system, and on the screen I could even see Elysium Forging and Cosmic Tomorrow where I had left them. They were gardening, as though nothing had happened. As though I, Obsidian Leviathan, hadn’t just been swallowed up by the ground and deposited into this Headmaster’s office. I even noticed the smallest of details, that Cosmic had now planted 14 turnips to override the 13 I had planted so foolishly, but I couldn't look for long since it really hurt my neck.

I craned my head back down and stared at the Headmaster’s neck, as he continued to observe the progress of the garden and its vegetables with immense amusement. After 10 minutes, I cleared my throat loudly and he lowered his gaze to look at me. I thought perhaps he had forgotten I was here but the look he gave me communicated such apathy I felt like I was the one who was somehow being intrusive, even though I was basically abducted.

“It’s been over one trillion years since anyone was stupid enough to plant 13 turnips but looking at you, I’m not overly surprised.” The Headmaster declared, his voice echoing around his office. I was very offended, but didn’t want the Headmaster to know.

"To be curt, it's not my fault, since there was no guide book to the Jupiter moon prison system or anything," I said, averting my gaze, trying to come across as moody and hard to get. It worked.

“Your gaze comes across as moody and hard to get.” The Headmaster said, but I didn’t react. He was impressed by how nonchalant I was. I tried to brush my jet black hair behind my ear. Though my hair was too short to do that, I didn't let that stop me from shooting him a look with my icy blue/grey orbs before looking away again. I, Obsidian Leviathan, KNEW how to play the game. I knew what I had to do next.

"So, what are you doing?" I posed this question to him with an air of absolute coolness that perfectly matched my icy eyes.

"Well, I am the Headmaster of this prison, I am the highest authority in this entire system. A sort of shadow leader, if you will, and as you can see here I-" I launched over the desk at sound-barrier-breaking speeds and shut him the fuck up by grabbing his face and kissing him square on his perfectly annoying Headmaster lips. He seemed into it for the splittest of seconds, but then he shoved me and I fell back on my armchair with such force that it shattered into pieces like fucking glass. The force must've ruptured something inside me (severely), since I coughed up blood. However, through the metallic taste of my own blood, I could still taste the faintest trace of the vanilla Chapstick he was wearing. I licked my lips.

The Headmaster rose into the air, reached up and pushed a button on the ceiling monitor, before pointing down at me with an accusatory finger. I can't lie, I wasn't really into this sort of play.

"Obsidian Leviathan, you insolent boy, this is a federal offence." his voice sounded almost hellish, but all I was really capable of doing was wiping the blood from my mouth. The Headmaster dropped to the ground very suddenly, and began to ascend upon me. My instincts were screaming at me to get up and run, but I wanted to know what would happen if he caught me.

"REPENT!" he roared.

"Make me." I growled suavely, biting my bottom lip, but he didn't reciprocate. He had almost reached me by this point, and I made the difficult decision to jump up and take off running. He was hot on my trail as he glided behind me, an inch or two off the ground, but thanks to my quick thinking, and some internal bleeding, I quickly spat my own blood onto my hands and turned around to smear it over his eyes to temporarily foil his vision. I took this chance to run around the Headmaster and to a door that I had noticed before but hadn’t mentioned.

I flung the door open and leapt through without a second thought, but as I did, the gravity suddenly shifted and instead of horizontally going through a doorway (as I normally would, believe me), I was now helplessly falling vertically downwards.

I landed very suddenly and the wind was knocked out of me. I didn’t like this. But I couldn't say I wasn't used to it either, so I coughed up some more blood before standing up. I looked up, but the door I had entered through was gone, I was in a black expanse, an endless void, void of meaning. I feel like I'd been here before, possibly in a dream, but this was nowhere to be nostalgic about. I could hear a distant howling that could only belong to the Headmaster and, knowing that he was still out for my blood, I began stumbling around blindly to try and find an escape. It was pretty stupid he was out for my blood since I had already given him some, hahaha, but regardless I had to Escape The Void.

After tripping over my own feet for several weeks in the void, I finally saw a small light up ahead. Finding a mere morsel of energy, despite my dehydration, I managed to pick up the pace and run towards the light, an obvious symbol of hope. When I finally reached the light, gravity shifted again and I was suddenly pushing up through the dirt, back in the garden. As I sprouted from the earth like a handsome mole rat, I found myself staring into the bewildered eyes of Cosmic Tomorrow.

I, Obsidian Leviathan, shoved Cosmic Tomorrow away from me and began to frantically search the gardens for my lifelong best friend, Elysium Forging. Cosmic seemed to go into shock, but no matter, I was desperate for the sweet touch of my good friend Elysium Forging. I ran towards her and hugged my good friend.

"Obsidian!" She cried in surprise, returning the hug most tenderly, "I thought you dematerialised!"

“No, I didn’t! I was taken underground by a Headmaster who flipped out on me when I tried to put the moves on him! Classic Headmaster behaviour, huh?”

"Th-the moves on him?" She repeated, tears in her eyes, likely because she was so happy to see me. I was also happy to see her, but I didn’t cry about it.

"We have to get out of here," I said to Elly in a hushed voice. I had made a grave enemy in this place.

As if on cue, the ground behind us cracked open and out rose the Headmaster in all of his glory. He was hot when he was angry, but also extremely dangerous, so I took Elly by the wrist and started to blindly run away from the Headmaster and his leafy head. I heard soft pattering steps beside me and I whipped my head around to see Cosmic Tomorrow trailing Elysium Forging and myself, Obsidian Leviathan.

"I-I want to come with you!" He shouted with nervous assertion in response to me giving him a confused look.

“Never!” I said and his head dropped with disappointment and rejection but he followed me anyway.

Suddenly, Cosmic overtook me and was now running just ahead before stopping short and turning to face me, a look of stressed determination on his face. I also stopped, dragging Elly to a halt beside me. I stared Cosmic down but he was unperturbed.

"I can help you! You have to give me a chance." he said in a whiney voice before turning to face the wall and ripping out a metal panel with intense force that covered it, revealing a once secret passage. I wanted to reject him once again, but the Headmaster was gaining on us and I needed Cosmic out of our way, so I silently nodded and the three of us crawled into the passage. I followed behind Cosmic and Elly and just as I snuck into the passage, I noticed the shadow of the headmaster behind us. He was too huge and muscular and attractive to fit into the passageway, which was a little discouraging for me since I could fit in the passage no problem.

It was dark in the passageway, I could barely see Elly crawling directly in front of me. After an hour of continuous crawling I began to get worried I may actually be alone in this metallic tunnel. Hoping for reassurance, I reached my hand forward to feel for Elly and my hand met something I assumed to be her ass. I immediately jerked my hand back, but it was too late for she had noticed. I heard her brush her hair behind her ear coyly in the dark and I chuckled out an apology and then a compliment on how impressive her ass was (especially compared to my own ): ). I heard Elly blush but didn’t think much of it.

It was another hour before the silence was broken by Cosmic’s shy little voice telling us that we were "here", wherever here was. All of a sudden, I felt myself drop. I landed outside, with Cosmic and Elysium nearby. As my eyes adjusted to the sudden light of the great outdoors, I glanced over to Cosmic who was clutching a huge slab of metal I assumed used to be the floor of the passageway we were just in. Jesus Christ.

We were in a clearing, right beside a massive lake. I could hear the sounds of birds chirping but I noticed I couldn't see any, but regardless, this fresh air was… well, refreshing.

"Is this part of the prison too?" Elly asked, wide eyed, but Cosmic didn't really know how to answer for some reason. I couldn’t tell how I knew, but I was suddenly very aware that we were no longer on S/2003 J 2, our prison moon. I had the same feeling in the Headmasters office, except this lake was less inherently foreboding. This place seemed to exist outside of our original dimension.

I wandered towards the lake, my feeling of foreboding increasing with every step I took. Without thinking I dipped my hand into the water of the lake, and although the water was cool like I had expected, the water felt thicker than most water. It reminded me of saliva which I hoped very earnestly it wasn't. I took a moment, then looked at the reflective surface of the water, but it wasn’t my own reflection I saw staring back at me.

[purpleprey]

Chapter 1: Just a Touch of Exile

Ever since the death of the giant Viper, things were different. At least for me, Obsidian Leviathan, they were. They say ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas’, but that can't be the case when the Viper’s gargantuan corpse lay across the Vegas-California border.

“So what do we do now?” my lifelong friend, Elysium Forging, asked me. I couldn’t give a good answer because all I could think of was how much SHIT we were in now. I could hear the police sirens in the distance, they would be here soon and then we would be exiled.

“Hey, Obsidian, it won't be so bad.” she said awkwardly, sensing my nerves. Elly always knew exactly what to say to set my mind at ease, even when we were kids. I considered trying to hide the body of the enormous deceased serpentine beast, but even with the strengths of Elysium Forging and I, Obsidian Leviathan, combined, it probably wouldn't be enough.

With nowhere left to run and no way to conceal our crimes, Elly and I watched helplessly as fifty-nine police cars pulled up in front of us, sirens still blaring. That's right, I counted. Elly would later try to argue that there were actually fifty-seven police cars, but that is inaccurate. She neglected to count the two that crashed into us from behind right at that second and knocked us out cold.

-----------

It was many days later that we woke from our comas and learned that we had been banished from the planet Earth and sent to S/2003 J 2, one of the seventy-nine known moons of Jupiter. I barely had time to be upset about it, since it was all happening so fast, the law system is beyond flawed.

Elly and I had each been placed in solitary confinement, which gave me plenty of time to reflect on what had happened to the giant viper.

It all began in the year 2100, five years earlier when I was just a little lad, freshly 16. There was a killing spree in the town Elly and I grew up in; witnesses stated that the victims would be caught in a fog and killed by a man dressed as a butcher. Elly came to me late one night, scared to death since she had spotted a fog rolling in over the mountains beyond the village. I leapt into action, grabbing my electric fan and blowing away the whole fog, leaving the butcher exposed for all to see. Before he could sink back into the cover of the fog, I tackled the butcher to the floor and tore off his butcher mask to unmask the butcher. It was none other than Titan Recoiling the town butcher (we should've known!), who almost immediately after being unmasked, died of snake poison from my snake that Elly had thrown on him. It was a perfectly choreographed attack. Titan Recoiling had been dispatched. Then the government rolled in and confiscated my snake, who had grown massive from eating Titan Recoiling. It was an extraordinary growth, in fact, the most growth recorded in a viper since 32BC, but it didn't make the confiscation of my beloved pet snake hurt me any less. So I enlisted Elly to help bust him out. Unfortunately, I neglected to remember that a giant viper’s lifespan is only about 5 years. And now, here we are, on a prison moon. Shit.

All of this reminiscing was interrupted by my cell door being swung open, a prison guard greeting me with a big smile and a clipboard in hand.

“You’ve been awfully quiet in here for a wanted criminal.” he chuckled.

“I was in a coma.” I replied.

“Obsidian Leviathan,” he read my name off the clipboard, ignoring the fact I was quiet because I was in a coma. “We’re letting you out on good behaviour.” With that, he turned and walked with purpose away from my cell and down a hallway. I followed. I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the harsh light outside that I recognised to be the exact UV level of one of Jupiter's moons (I could not recall which at the time). But then I did recall: it was S/2003 J 2! It should've been obvious, but to be fair with myself, I did just awake from my coma. I followed the guard out into a beautiful garden filled with who I knew to be the other inmates. I knew because Elysium was there in the corner of the garden.

“Now,” the guard began to explain to me, “You will have to serve some community service.” I cringed in fear of manual labour. The guard saw me cringing and began to howl with laughter, knowing what I was thinking and finding it very amusing.

“Don’t stress yourself out, kid.” The psychic guard laughed. “It's just growing some turnips in the vegetable garden.” The guard took my hand and began to run, dragging me along behind him as he headed towards the veggie garden. The vegetable garden was in the centre of the garden area and was a mass of lush green vines and colourful fruits and vegetables I didn't know the name of.

The guard suddenly lowered his voice: “Good luck, Obsidian Leviathan.” He threw me to the ground before the veggie garden. I picked myself up off the ground, disappointed I couldn't regroup with Elly who hadn’t seemed to notice me yet. There were gardening tools to my right and thirteen turnip plants to my left. Honestly, I had no idea where to start with turnip gardening, but just as I was about to make my start, I was approached by another prisoner who seemed a lot younger than me.

“Excuse me,” said the child timidly, “you're holding the shovel wrong.” They pointed at the spade in my hand, and I believed them, since they were covered in dirt and wearing a straw hat.

“It’s a spade, you idiot.” I said, adjusting it in my hands in the hopes that I was now holding it correctly. The child looked on the verge of tears because of my words but was quick to nervously inform me that legally, it is in fact a shovel. It seemed that legally, I was the true idiot and I didn’t like that.

“What’re you in for?” I gruffly asked the child, trying to make myself sound like a proper hardened criminal since I heard it was important to adjust to new situations.

“I was tried for evil.” He said this so quietly that I almost didn’t hear him. Almost.

“WHAT?” I asked loudly, so desperately needing further explanation for what evil this tiny freckled farmer child had committed.

But no explanation was forthcoming, so I asked this tiny evil delinquent his name.

“Ah! Sorry, how rude of me.” The little garden man said, embarrassed. “My name is Cosmic Tomorrow.” He took my hand with both of his to give a very welcoming handshake.

“Cosmic Tomorrow? What kind of name is that? Anyways, my name is Obsidian Leviathan.” I replied, ending the handshake. Cosmic, the prodigal farmer boy, opened his mouth to say something but abstained, turning his attention back to the patch of dirt in front of him, looking very flustered. I began to feel remorse for my scathing comments, something very rare for me, and reluctantly asked Cosmic Tomorrow if he would help me, Obsidian Leviathan, plant thirteen turnips because I was going nowhere on my own. Cosmic seemed to light up at my offer and immediately yanked a fully grown turnip of perfect shape out of the ground before passing it to me. I realised in that moment that Cosmic’s evil actions that landed him here must be related to his weird garden sorcery but I didn’t say anything on this topic, instead asking if he could help me plant the thirteen turnips that were to my left and not just materialise them himself.

“Those thirteen turnips?” Cosmic’s eyes widened “Oh no, you mustn't plant thirteen turnips at once, not ever,” he said matter-of-factly.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do then, Cosmic?”

Cosmic flinched at my tone, and lowered his head shamefully, not adding anything else to the conversation since he probably didn't want to risk bursting into tears. I almost wanted to apologise, but he was being unhelpful and I had community service to serve. In spite, I started to dig thirteen holes in the ground, fit for thirteen turnips while Cosmic poked at the garden bed in misery. I glared at Cosmic as I planted all thirteen of the turnips when my concentration was broken by a scream. I looked up and about 5 metres away, directly ahead of me, a prisoner had dropped DEAD and began to sink into the dirt beneath them. I stood straight up, and walked with Cosmic over to where the prisoner had disappeared, Elysium joining me. Elysium dropped to her knees to check the ground, wanting to see if she could retrieve the fallen prisoner but it was no use. Elly stood up and threw herself onto me in grief, but also I could tell she was happy to see me (we are such good friends :) ).

We all jumped back when the ground began to bubble, and a figure rose slowly out of the ground. The figure was not the same one that had sunk into the ground. It was a 7ft 5 bald headed man wearing a suit, and from his shining, slick head sprouted what I was certain to be healthy, green turnip leaves. Clearly, he was a headmaster.

“Hello, inmates,” the broad shouldered man said with a malevolent smile “Who do I have to thank for summoning me with a Turnipean Sacrifice?” he looked around him at all of the prisoners in the garden.

At first, no one reacted. Then every single inmate, Elly and Cosmic included, turned and pointed at me as if in a trance. I grabbed Cosmic by the top of his head and turned him to stop facing me, bothered that the little botanist would rat me out. Cosmic seemed unaffected, a dazed look in his eyes, but the headmaster was not pleased. He approached me and placed his large hand square over my entire face and I lacked the audacity to stop him.

“Obsidian Leviathan,” He spoke after a few seconds, “I have examined your memories, I know all about you.” I blushed >////<. I was very embarrassed because now the headmaster knew that I found the headmaster hot. When he took his hand back I looked up at him, pushing my short, black hair behind my ear coyly. The headmaster did not seem impressed at first, so I blinked my grey eyes at him. He didn’t seem to notice, so I bit my lip in a last ditch effort, but to my disappointment he just kept talking.

“Obsidian Leviathan, come into my office” He smirked, again in a malevolent fashion and my heart skipped a beat, but my excitement faded just a little when the ground under me swallowed me up.