puttingherinhistory

[puttingherinhistory]

im going crazy you have GOT to decouple romance/amatonormativity and marriage in your mind. you have GOT to understand that marriage is a legal document that protects you from exploitation especially if you are a woman or a stay-at-home anything. it is not some evil unique to heterosexual people. it is a legal document that says 'this is who i want in my hospital room when i die, this is who i want to have my stuff when i die, THIS PERSON OWES ME RECOMPENSE IF THEY KICK ME OUT OF THE HOUSE I LIVE IN"

You are not immune to being taken advantage of by your partner if you are queer. do not wind up homeless because your garbage live-ins name is on the lease and they decided to drop you like hot coals.

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June 9, 2025, NYC Resists with Gaza tells specifically Indigenous people in the USA that they shouldn’t vote:

Because why fight disenfranchisement when you can discourage Native Americans in the U.S. from exercising their rights?

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RE: the post I just reblogged about how bullies will single out victims for having neurdivergent traits but will rarely if ever come right out and say "I bullied you because you're neurdivergent", they'll just say it's because you were too weird and eccentric (no matter how harmless that weirdness and eccentricity is)

I don't want to derail a post specifically about being neurdivergent, so I'm going to go ahead and make this its own post. But, I have been having a lot of thoughts lately on how the same thing can be said of being a survivor of abuse makes you vulnerable to more bullying and abuse.

I've lurked in subreddits for bullying victims to talk about their experiences, and there's almost always comments saying things to the victims like "bullies probably always sniff you out because you're quiet and withdrawn and act afraid of other people" "bullies sniff you out because when they raise their voice to you or say something mean you flinch and freeze up instead of standing up for yourself" "bullies sniff you out because they can tell from your body language that you have low self esteem and low self worth so they take that as you being an easy target"

Gee, I wonder what sort of life experience could make someone withdrawn, afraid of other people, flinching and freezing when someone is mean or raises their voice at them, and also lowers this person's self esteem and self worth 🤔🤔🤔

Just like in the last post I reblogged where they said it's unlikely for a bully to come right out and say "I picked this victim because they're autistic", instead they'd say "it's because this person is weird and eccentric", if you were to ask a bully who is targeting a survivor of domestic violence why they picked that target it's unlikely they'd come right out and say "I'm bullying them for being a victim of domestic violence", they would deny that much and probably don't even realize (or care) that their victim is a survivor of abuse. But that doesn't change the fact that they were drawn to this particular target because of traits the victim acquired as a result of enduring abuse.

And sure, especially with therapy you can rebuild your self esteem after abuse, and learn to control your trauma responses better so you're not walking around with a target on your back all day for bullies to come and get you. However, that can take years of healing, probably needing the help of a professional to get that far. Call me a crazy radical or whatever but if someone has already endured abuse they don't deserve to endure years more of bullying until they've healed enough, especially when bullying is likely to stunt or even stop the healing process altogether.

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pseudointersectional misogyny, or that thing where you discuss gender relations exclusively in the framework of multiply marginalized men vs. The Most Privileged Woman Alive

[puttingherinhistory]

Everyone say thank you american indigenous people for cultivating corn, potatoes, peppers, tomatoes, cacao, pumpkin, squash, and anything i missed. Makes life more meaningful globally

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[puttingherinhistory]

I feel like in the rush of “throw out etiquette who cares what fork you use or who gets introduced first” we actually lost a lot of social scripts that the younger generations are floundering without.

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& you know what it actually IS lifechanging to smile at strangers & say please & thank you & goodmorning & compliment someones outfit & help someone in need & be more accepting of loving other people just because they are other people!!!

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If I could somehow find everyone who ever bullied me and ask them why they targeted me, not a single one would say it was because I was autistic. None of them even knew I was.

Instead they’d say it was because I liked Pokemon too much after it stopped being cool, or my clothes looked ridiculous and I wore the same pair of jeans 3 days a week, or that I was just weird/nerdy/unpopular. In many, many cases, that is what neurodiversity looks like. Not someone with an obvious disability, but someone who’s just weird.

I see so many allistics and neurotypicals on here that claim to be anti-ableism but turn around and make jokes at the expense of people who are eccentric but harmless.

If you’re an allistic that claims to support autistic people, but then you turn around and make fun of the woman wearing a bizarre outfit or the guy who speaks in a monotone or the teenager who carries a teddy bear everywhere, you are hurting autistic people who do those same things.

[puttingherinhistory]

RE: the post I just reblogged about how bullies will single out victims for having neurdivergent traits but will rarely if ever come right out and say "I bullied you because you're neurdivergent", they'll just say it's because you were too weird and eccentric (no matter how harmless that weirdness and eccentricity is)

I don't want to derail a post specifically about being neurdivergent, so I'm going to go ahead and make this its own post. But, I have been having a lot of thoughts lately on how the same thing can be said of being a survivor of abuse makes you vulnerable to more bullying and abuse.

I've lurked in subreddits for bullying victims to talk about their experiences, and there's almost always comments saying things to the victims like "bullies probably always sniff you out because you're quiet and withdrawn and act afraid of other people" "bullies sniff you out because when they raise their voice to you or say something mean you flinch and freeze up instead of standing up for yourself" "bullies sniff you out because they can tell from your body language that you have low self esteem and low self worth so they take that as you being an easy target"

Gee, I wonder what sort of life experience could make someone withdrawn, afraid of other people, flinching and freezing when someone is mean or raises their voice at them, and also lowers this person's self esteem and self worth 🤔🤔🤔

Just like in the last post I reblogged where they said it's unlikely for a bully to come right out and say "I picked this victim because they're autistic", instead they'd say "it's because this person is weird and eccentric", if you were to ask a bully who is targeting a survivor of domestic violence why they picked that target it's unlikely they'd come right out and say "I'm bullying them for being a victim of domestic violence", they would deny that much and probably don't even realize (or care) that their victim is a survivor of abuse. But that doesn't change the fact that they were drawn to this particular target because of traits the victim acquired as a result of enduring abuse.

And sure, especially with therapy you can rebuild your self esteem after abuse, and learn to control your trauma responses better so you're not walking around with a target on your back all day for bullies to come and get you. However, that can take years of healing, probably needing the help of a professional to get that far. Call me a crazy radical or whatever but if someone has already endured abuse they don't deserve to endure years more of bullying until they've healed enough, especially when bullying is likely to stunt or even stop the healing process altogether.

[puttingherinhistory]

Always be kind and polite in phone calls, even when you're stressed / angry / upset.

Calling a call center is a frustrating nightmare for just about everyone when it comes to anything, and something most people dread. However, always remember that the call center employee who is picking up the phone is not personally responsible for whatever problem you're having with your bank account / phone service / internet service / ect. They are getting paid to answer the phone and try to help you, and have no power over the company at large's policies and errors. They are a human being just trying to make it through the day, not your personal punching bag to take out your frustration on.

This doesn't just apply to phone calls for personal matters, this applies to professional etiquette too. If you're at work and need to call a supplier due to an error on their side, don't make the call guns ablazin' looking to yell at or fight the supplier no matter how frustrated you are. First of all, the person who answers the phone likely isn't directly responsible for the error you're upset about. Or, even if they are, that's no way to treat someone you need to maintain a professional relationship with. Find a better way to solve your problem than just yelling at them on the phone, which is likely to cause more problems than it solves if you spoil your professional relationship with someone you'll likely need to work with again.

Many people may get bold on the phone for the same reason people become keyboard warriors online, they feel more bold when they don't have to deal with someone face to face. However, it's important to control yourself and still practice good manners towards the person on the other side of the phone. Not least of all because the person on the other side of the phone is still a human being with feelings, but also because losing your temper at them will not solve any problems, and instead is only likely to worsen any problems you've having.

[puttingherinhistory]

Annoyed at both US and Canadian liberals acting like Canada is an oppressed Global South country that is under the boot of US imperialism and full of progressive revolutionaries when it's actually one of the wealthiest countries in the world and an enthusiastic ally of the US in its imperialism most of the time, and when it isn't, it has its own imperialist and colonialist projects, especially mining, both in the Global South and on stolen Indigenous land within so called Canada - don't even get me started on how reactionary Canadian settlers are either, and it's not just the white ones born here bc a lot of non-white diaspora and immigrants are just as nationalistic and hate both Indigenous peoples and the Global South, even if their families are originally from the latter.

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When Europeans say that "we don't have White or Black we have other kinds of prejudice" I mean beyond the obvious wrongness of the first clause, do they think that the U.S. doesn't also have other kinds of prejudice? We have xenophobia, too, including toward a lot of "white" immigrants such as those from Eastern Europe! It's different from the xenophobia that people from non-European countries get, but it's there. We have more specific stereotypes about various racial groups and nationalities. We have class prejudices that are also often tied to place and to ethnicity (not just race, but more specific ethnicities) in complex ways. We have racial and ethnic prejudices that are tied in with religion, including historical European religious wars, given that those wars played a big role in why a lot of the first waves of Europeans came to North America. A lot of this varies throughout different parts of the U.S. (New Orleans for instance is kind of a microcosm unto itself here). It's true there's a lot of stuff in European racism/ethnic prejudice that doesn't have any real parallels in the U.S,, but the same is true in reverse, and regardless the issue is here the way that is used to suggest that "European racism is COMPLEX, American racism is SIMPLE." That's not true about any country in the world, least of all one with the history the U.S. has. I don't want to downplay the way that racism against black people (and also indigenous people) is particularly deeply rooted and is the foundation of basically every part of American society in a way that a lot of our other prejudices aren't -- I mean, 250 years of slavery + another 100 years of Jim Crow + an ongoing history of other kinds of violent discrimination will do that -- but that doesn't mean those other prejudices don't exist, aren't very damaging, and aren't still important parts of understanding American racism.

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In regards to Muslim migrants in Europe, I heard people talking about religiously conservative beliefs and questionable practices like homophobia, harming blasphemers (Charlie Hebdo and Rushdie), anti-Semitism, arranged marriages, FGM. The people who mention it hint that Muslims are uniquely problematic at integrating into Europe. Assuming these aren’t just replacement theory BS, what can be done about some of those harmful beliefs? Or alternatively, are they all just non-issues exaggerated by racist right-wingers?

These are wildly exaggerated by right wingers.

Homophobia: It exists but attacks are very rare to non existant. Whenever I hear about homophobic attacks they ain’t from Muslims or immigrants. On top of it queer Muslims exist we’re not imaginary creatures.

Harming blasphemers: there is no denying that it did happen and that it’s horrific, but compared to the amount of times nothing happened it’s quite stupid to pretend these acts are generalized.

Antisemitism: Again every accusation of antisemitism I see are from people confusing antizionism with antisemitism on purpose. Europe needs a reminds that it’s not the Muslims who put Jewish people in gas chambers instead of trying to blame us all the time.

Arranged marriage: arranged marriage and forced marriage are not the same thing people need to learn the difference. There is nothing wrong with an arranged marriage.

FGM: Has absolutely nothing to do with Islam it’s based on certain cultures (and within the countries where it happens it’s more common in rural poor families who have less religious education). For example FGM is more present in France than in Algeria, where it’s considered to be basically inexistant, because the populations who practice it are present in France but not in Algeria. Yet Algeria is a Muslim country but France is not. You find more cases of FGM among Ethiopian Jews (30%) and Coptic Egyptians (70%) than among Nigerian Muslims (2%). Some animist group in Africa do it while it’s not a thing in any Tunisian Muslim group.

Lastly and more importantly… All these fucked up things exist within the Muslim community just like they exist within the Jewish community and the Christian community. And guess what they exist among atheists as well. All humans are capable of these horrors, regardless of their faith or lack of faith.

An effective way to fight against all these things is to stop pretending that it’s a uniquely Muslim problem when it’s far from it. People who attribute these things to Muslims or to PoC only or to immigrants only actually don’t want to fight against these things they want to be able to blame Muslims and to feel superior.

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The reason this keeps happening is because nobody actually puts language on WHY incest is wrong.  Everyone talks about how gross it is, and how there may be genetic defects if there’s a child conceived, and those are easy arguments to dismiss with “well then just don’t have a child or if you do be prepared to care for a disabled child with defects”

The reason incest is wrong and should be criminalized is because there is no way to have socially acceptable incest without grooming.  There are inescapable power dynamics in a family unit, that last forever.  There are children who are vulnerable and do not have a grasp of consent.  Incest is just as bad if the child isn’t biological, the genetic default argument is irrelevant.

In the case of siblings, they are going to be different ages.  They also will have grown up together.  There is no way to separate an older sibling and a younger sibling from a grooming dynamic when they live together. Most younger siblings grow up seeing their older sibling as an authority figure to some degree which will have an affect on the relationships power dynamics. When you have access to a child for their entire life, you can manipulate them however you want to see inappropriate behavior as acceptable and isolate them from experiences that would counteract that.

There may be rare instances where grooming doesn’t happen: stepsiblings who are the same age and meet later in their development, children who don’t live together, cousins maybe, but I do not think fringe 1% of the time or less cases get to normalize the 99% that are manipulation and abuse.

Even if the abuse or manipulation is unconscious, even if there is no ill intent (which is hard to imagine these days with COCSA on the rise and the average age of first porn exposure going younger and younger every year), it still messes with a child’s perception of healthy relationships.

When you break up with a partner, you have the ability to cut ties with them.  You don’t have that luxury with a family member without having some massive effect on family dynamics that will make leaving or cutting off ties a lot more difficult if not impossible.  Abusers know this and use this as further manipulation. In even the most benign cases it taints the entire family dynamic.

And none of the best case scenarios excuse the rampant sexual abuse and grooming which make up nearly all of the cases.  Or the number of incest cases that aren’t siblings, but parents, uncles, stepparents, et cetera

I knew incest was wrong but never critically examined why because it’s gross and that’s self-evident, isn’t it?  When the gay marriage debate was happening, I would hear the case that “will incest be legal too then?” and I didn’t actually have a counterargument, it felt wrong but I didn’t have words for it.

Pedophilia and grooming are vile, abuse of power is vile, and there is no way to separate that from “consensual” incest, period.

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I feel like in the rush of “throw out etiquette who cares what fork you use or who gets introduced first” we actually lost a lot of social scripts that the younger generations are floundering without.