pwblogarchive

[pwblogarchive]

June 2015

June 6, 2015

2:11 AM

thank you for the birthday wishes. there was a point when i never thought i would make it here- or another day in general. i am glad i did. i hope one day i can do for you what you did for me. beyond all else survive….

Disloyal subjects

In unamerican apparel

[pwblogarchive]

July 2014

July 25, 2014

1:04 AM

i felt like i wasnt going to address it but i see more and more people taking other people down for not being “true” fans or for being “new fans”. i just wanted to take the time on here to really express that FOB has always tried to embrace an inclusive vibe- we are all part of this thing. all of us were new fans at some time- if you hung out with me in my pre-teen years i would have driven you insane with my ridiculous metaliica fan boying. even just yesterday i had a geeky fan moment with slash….

i think some of this speaks to an influx of new fans- people that may have found their way due to bands like one direction and 5sos- ive met both of these bands- both are full of hardworking, talented, but most importantly nice kids. everyone has to start somewhere- there was a time when our band was on TRL and i remember some of the backlash us and other bands got simply due to being on a video show that teenage america watched… but the most important part of this as it relates to FOB is that the more fans there are and the more bands that are being played on the radio the more we can tour around the world- it keeps the ecosystem that our band exists in thriving. think about that the next time you take a shot at someone for not knowing something or being a “big” enough fan.

that being said its a great and wonderful part of being a human being to have your own opinions- just remember to express them in empathetic ways- everyone has their own unique struggle.

i wanted to include some stuff we really built our stage show for monumentour around in case you are coming so you know some of the backstory to some of the elements.

there are many images of chicago (our hometown) and the idea that it doesnt matter how many times you fail as long as you keep getting up… the intro to our set is something weve been working on for awhile.

the floating stage is something that has been kicking around as an idea since the “black clouds” tour- but we finally were able to create a design that we felt was versatile enough to bring out on tour. it is all based upon pyramid design and shapes.

speaking of pyramids this was an updated idea of content for arms race. 

for stagewear we had our friend dr. romanelli create a lambskin jacket (andys is denim & vegan friendly). which we then had theresa sharpe from best ink tattoo with images from the youngblood chronicles. this process was pretty insane as they are not painted, they are actually tattooed on the leather.

the phoenix always had a fighter pilot vibe to me… the content reflects that everything from cockpit to aerial maneuvers.

just one yesterday was written with this scene from the modern romeo and juliet in mind so it seemed kind of fitting to fix it into the background of the song live.

and finally the encore stage design is a nod to one of our favorite fantasy movies of all time the labyrinth. 

we hope you come out to a show and have a blast. keep an open mind and heart… 

xx

p

[pwblogarchive]

May 2014

May 22, 2014

10:08 PM

“the giant white unicorn in the room.”

so some stray thoughts on YBC. i will be brief here and SPOILER ALERT- i will not be answering any questions that are not answered by the videos themselves.

one of the few things we agreed on as a band growing up were these stories that united you with others in imagination- films where there is a sense of something beyond- something that forced you to think, to consider that maybe it is something darker or bigger or stranger than you had seen before… we thought of the unicorn in blade runner or the alien in alien (who is possibly more terrifying because of what you dont know rather than what you do (in the first film)). i love the idea of “the force” in star wars- it cant really be explained yet it fully consumed my youth- then when they came out in the prequels and described the midichlorians - it kind of stole the magic for me- it was less than i had imagined, not more.  that is why we decided not to make what was being carried so literal and tangible- it would mean if you  thought of something else we wouldve literally taken that away from you… ‘brad pitt voice’ “whats in the box, whats in the box?!” that being said we also knew that it couldnt be something like “oh they were carrying around "hope” all along or something that had no face or visceral quality"…

enter Xibalba 

we thought of the world that the young blood chronicles had created- there arent true “heroes” in the traditional sense of the word. there are people who are forced to make heroic decisions and the people that make them often make other decisions that are not heroic or are often in fact anti-heroic. there is a gray scale to this story. one mans salvation is, and often creates another mans despair. the idea that the past can trap us- all of us… and the only way to escape that is to break the pattern. at what point are we saved? at what point have we done enough good to erase all the bad from our ledger? can someone who has been terrible their entire life change it with one heroic turn? can a hero make a terrible decision and cast themselves into hell?

the idea that we carry around what we fear most… that we protect that thing we fear… that maybe in order to destroy something terrible we must become something more terrible. and can we love something that is both great and terrible? what is our threshold? at what point do we stop protecting the person or idea we fear the most, cast them aside and step into the light? the answer is different for everyone and so it was different for every character in YBC.

another idea that we focused on was that sometimes in order to fight something so big and dark you need to get your hands dirty- fighting fire with fire (as was explored in films like terminator 2 and dark knight)… the world we chose to create and populate for YBC is not too dissimilar to the one that exists as far as the complexities surrounding morality. when is it ok to accept the lesser of two evils? when do we draw the line? when do we say someone is too broken to be fixed? all of these questions are interesting to explore and i think have analogs in the real world.

all of the images in the YBC were choices, decisions that were made to add depth and texture to the story… I'm not sure that heaven and hell were meant to be real- but they both allowed the viewer to see alternate universes with in the world and allowed or forced characters to undergo drastic transformations… to me it is akin to having humans travel to another planet (as in pandora in avatar or the planetoid in Aliens)… it pressurizes the drama and allowed it to take place in a vacuum.

this was never supposed to be simple. it was never supposed to be easy to swallow. in much of frank darabonts work it is not the terror of the end that is people undoing- it is in fact the human conflict- jealousy/prejudice/anxiety that tears the group a part…. what we decided to focus on was what could bring a group like that back together.

that which tears friends apart can drive them back together.

in the end it all flows pretty easily in my head whether it be different metaphors (biblical, entertainment industry, etc) or just a simple story. but maybe thats cause we wrote it, because i was there. in the end whatever it means to you is the right answer- i have nothing that trumps that.

i think this is all i really have to say about any of this. thanks for coming on this journey with us.

never silence the noise.

some films/stories/music i would suggest checking out that inspired us:

bladerunner (directors cut specifically)

dark city

the lost boys

do androids dream of electric sheep (book)

Drive (film)

Stand By Me

the fall (film)

terminator 2 

over the edge (movie)

the mist

the lanoliers (stephen king- short story)

kavinsky- OutRun (lp)

[pwblogarchive]

March 2014

March 8, 2014

9:51 AM

“The artist isn’t just the creator of style but also its bearer, and the artist��s very presence is a work of art in person, creation on the wing by means of a turn of phrase, a gesture, a way of dressing, the aura of charismatic influence.” Richard Brody - The New Yorker

[pwblogarchive]

February 2014

February 4, 2014

8:16 PM

“year one (2.0)”

Wrote and recorded an album with butch walker. Hung out with foxes, big Sean, Courtney love, and sir Elton John. Set stuff on fire by comisky park (semi safely). Heard our song on the radio. Got in skeleton suits and chased each other around like daniel larusso on jimmy kimmel. Played the nba allstar game with 2chainz, Went around the world on tour. And then did again and again and again. played on tv shows- even convinced conan to let us do spinal tap. Wrote and filmed a video series where we got to play with hawks and cut each others limbs off. Played coachella with 2chainz. Went on a headline arena tour. Played ramones songs at Barclays with marky ramone. Had the Stanley cup come to a show in Chicago and played with naked raygun. Played the Victoria’s Secret show. Played dick clarks NYE show. Played the nfl probowl halftime show. Planned a summer amphitheater co headline tour with paramore.

thank you for the best second first year ever.

February 8, 2014 

3:16 AM

because

boobs, of course.

[pwblogarchive]

January 2014

January 7, 2014

1:45 AM

I wish I were a warhol silk screen

Hanging on the wall

Or little joe or maybe lou

I’d love to be them all

All new york city’s broken hearts

And secrets would be mine

I’d put you on a movie reel

And that would be just fine…

January 17, 2014 

2:03 PM

“It’s like I’m reading a book… and it’s a book I deeply love. But I’m reading it slowly now. So the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you… and the words of our story… but it’s in this endless space between the words that I’m finding myself now. It’s a place that’s not of the physical world. It’s where everything else is that I didn’t even know existed. I love you so much. But this is where I am now. And this who I am now. And I need you to let me go. As much as I want to, I can’t live your book any more.”

— Samantha, Spike Jonze’s Her

[pwblogarchive]

December 2013

December 18, 2013

8:46 PM

“the cancer of time is eating us away. our heroes have killed themselves, or are killing themselves. the hero then, is not time, but timelessness….” henry miller

December 21, 2013 

2:11 PM

“i am just one man with many crises.”

we take/make the best monsters. we semi-civilize them. we put bears in suits on tricycles. we keep wolves warm from the winter in hen houses. then we wonder why they maul the hearts of what we hold the most dear. we wont let go of the old days but we can’t even remember them. kill ‘em all but now we dont even have time to let god sort them out. we are the flickers inside of neon signs that never turn off. we smoke the melatonin of the ancients to pretend we will never sleep alone again. we are the dodgers of death. but never take me off my chain- the audience at the circus isnt safe- i will maul what you love just because that is what i am.

i am every grain of the dirt that you cant scrape off. i am the break not the bend. but make no mistake your brought me into your house and thought i could become a pet. i have infiltrated you. now i am inside you like a disease.

[pwblogarchive]

April 2011

April 13, 2011

Problems with my mail order bride

No holes in the box she didn't show up alive

Getting dirty in the places you always thought you'd keep so clean

Mix me in mono so I put you to fucking sleep

I got a machine soul

I keep you in boxes and lists

I don't worry about love

Or the weather

both barely exist

And both rarely resist

Dispatch helicopters

I accidentally got miserable

Black operations

Rome is for romans

Greek gods are dust, the romans are planets still infallible

Not devout but I feel blessed

Load a round of your problem solvers

Mass exodus of feelings from my chest

won't just make you surrender

Gonna Make you sing it to me

Can't seem to see the light but cover your eyes its shining through me

There's a box here but were simply not taking complaints

There are men in white with syringes carrying restraints

I'm a predator so I'm gonna make you pray

For the protection of your saints

I'm not trying to put an end to this

I'm just trying to get home

DONT YOU GET IT

(stop taking my picture stop asking me questions im on the bench heres my gun and my badge i quit the game)

I can see you're making eyes at this husk surrounding my heart

I can see through you and were sitting in the dark

Bird in a cage

Same as the bird on a perch

Only cause neither of them

Could ever know what they're worth

Love is like a dog

If its laying its best to let it sleep

Life is a case for my trophies

The world just never got me

Oh the controversy

I don't just want the girl with me

After life

I wanna take the whole world with me

Bury me wrapped in c four

My heart your heart

So when they explore

They get more than they're coming for

Fuck

POSTED BY XO AT 9:39 AM NO COMMENTS: 

April 22, 2011

so high and right.

he said they usually pull high and right.

my head goes numb.

he has been one of the most important figures in my life for a very long time. we met when i was fourteen in evanston- all he said was "do you write?". my outstanding response was "you mean like pen pals?". and so a friendship was born. it was steeped heavily in aerosol fumes and cutting holes in the fence at cta fix grounds in skokie. alot of boosting. at least one night or two for trespassing and vandalism of government property. one or two fanzines about friends we hated. a band or two. a single show in my parents basement. a gun, the only one id ever know, with no "bodies" on it. a dog. a tattoo in washington dc. and an eventual and untimely split. he forced me to look at the world differently. to find subversion where there seemed to be none. to see humanity in people many wouldnt consider human. to see art everywhere.

years later we crossed paths again. only now he speaks in hushed tones of the jungle of burma where he take photographs. he says if they pull the trigger you go low and left because they dont know how to use an assault rifle and usually pull high and right. he speaks of thinking he was poisoned as he fled another impoverished country in south east asia. i am again forced to rethink how i see the world. it is almost as he is meant to force the little good that is left in me. to steal my reason and remix how i think of the world.

thanks for being that friend.

POSTED BY XO AT 8:24 PM NO COMMENTS: 

April 22, 2011

Coming at me

Got hipsters guarding your body

There's no kingdom

Just a moat and some nobodies

Ahhh 'pity fuck the sick girl'

I'm not mad its just a mad world

Dollar days, french toast

Slip on shoes you mean the most

Killing myself

so im getting laid like a highschool quarterback

I wear painter denim

Got an aerosole mind

So its not my fault my feelings are plastic and crystalized

This is a confessional

I am not terrestrial

This is not my home planet

I don't care

You can have it

Sitting here lobbing tear gas

Riot mob trying to make these tears last

Fuck marry kill

That's not a question

I'm trying to keep still

but i quake

and sure of the years ive got more gray

but im still dorian

which means some of the bottles im pouring

from are more important

i burn hotter than you

(its not a metaphor)

my hearts like a stallion

people seem to just like it more broken

POSTED BY XO AT 8:34 PM NO COMMENTS: 

April 29, 2011

this isnt a rescue mission anymore.

they think of my heart like it was a stallion

they seem to like it the more its broken.

POSTED BY XO AT 11:05 PM 

[pwblogarchive]

April 2010

April 18, 2010

one point two and five more blues.

is it alright?

are we alive?

is this existence

or slow suicide?

xx.

(nothing is

over

magic is

over

returning

elastic

protect the

airways

its glory is

new to us)

POSTED BY XO AT 18:08 

[pwblogarchive]

December 2009

December 5, 2009

---- the dividing line -----

POSTED BY XO AT 07:47 

December 5, 2009

Outlet

x

POSTED BY XO AT 07:47 

December 5, 2009

Darkness

x

POSTED BY XO AT 08:06 

December 5, 2009

Cure

x

POSTED BY XO AT 08:44 

December 5, 2009

My name is Kyle.

x

POSTED BY XO AT 09:26 

December 5, 2009

Wisdom

x

POSTED BY XO AT 13:57 

December 22, 2009

“Fast Blood.”

good night

it's stroke-time

let's get paralysed down both sides

snake hips, red city kiss

and your black eyes roll back

midnight organ fight

yours gives into mine

it's all right

and the fast blood

hurricanes through me

and then it rips my roof away with her fire heads

this is the longest kiss

good night

and now I, I tremble,

because this fumble

has become biblical

I feel like I just died twice

was reborn again

for all our dirty sins

and the fast blood, fast blood, fast blood

hurricanes through me

and then it rips my roof away with her fire heads

this is the longest kiss

good night

good night

and then I fall down

I stumble

and she said, good night

POSTED BY XO AT 16:17 

[pwblogarchive]

November 2009

November 2, 2009

we own the

the

words

are

still

coming

but

can

you

keep

up

i

hope

you

got

the

relations

POSTED BY XO AT 11:02 

November 2, 2009

nite. time for

tell a joke

break a heart

kill a wasp

fall apart

POSTED BY XO AT 19:16 

November 2, 2009

“an hour or so”

i dont remember the way you used to smile at me in the morning

i dont remember how your name in my inbox used to feel

i dont remember the things we shared and the sun and the city

but i dont really remember anything

who is surprised?

i dont remember you

POSTED BY XO AT 20:22 

November 2, 2009

of fakery. it keeps

breathe in the smoke

youre all alone

caged raging and kicking

you think too slow

its all over in a second

heartbeat ticking, no, no

you are sat, dark and damp

wearing only basquiat's crown

POSTED BY XO AT 20:53 

November 2, 2009

you okay and me ticking or sane

what if you are the last domino in the line? just waiting for your own downfall.

we are not the prettiest or the funniest or the fastest or the best. but we are here to stay.

you are the smoke to my cancer

you are the sun, you are my laughter

POSTED BY XO AT 21:24 

November 2, 2009

or insane or however perspective folds. all

salt in the wound makes your eyes burn red and black.

i turn from a kid to a monster and a thief.

this is the witchcraft you have been searching for.

kiss the shadows as if they were mirrors.

what if we all breathed in sync for just one breath?

would it all become so clear?

POSTED BY XO AT 21:46 

November 3, 2009

going to take everything you love

run away

just like she did

one year from today

xxx.

POSTED BY XO AT 17:07 

November 3, 2009

right direction to allow your wings to grow. we are

prescription of this

faking the blues and blow a kiss

youre all swirling in the ocean

a lost school of Fish

but you are swimming and not drifting

and that has always been correct

'fatally yours'

xx

POSTED BY XO AT 01:46 

November 3, 2009

you need is a verbal kick in the

expect to prosper

before you share?

no teeth no dogs no where

i am (falling behind) xo.

POSTED BY XO AT 01:20 

November 4, 2009

and strip it to the bone. no love is

so i am standing here on the corner. wind feels like razors. like eyelashes blades cutting my cheeks. is this how i will remember bethnal green? am i hunted here? should i just give it another name?

noloveissafe. socoveryoureyesanddream. forthelasttime.

POSTED BY XO AT 11:00 

November 4, 2009

free and no love will prosper. we bleed

i am sorry.

i am alive.

POSTED BY XO AT 12:05 

November 4, 2009

black and blue. we bleed for you. this is the last chance.

i hope you make it.

this is your standxx.

POSTED BY XO AT 13:29 

[pwblogarchive]

October 2009

October 5, 2009

"Go home. Forget this thing. I can recognize an obsession, no good will come of it."

"Why, haven't good come of your obsessions? "

"Well at first. But I followed them too long. I'm their slave... and one day they'll choose to destroy me."

"If you understand an obsession then you know you won't change my mind."

POSTED BY XO AT 8:11 AM NO COMMENTS: 

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 2, 2009

its a simple trick.

it is not a secret show.

it is not a show.

it is not any of the red herrings out there.

well maybe one.

but the most obvious one of all.

obsession is a young mans game.

POSTED BY XO AT 9:14 AM NO COMMENTS:

October 7, 2009

its goodbye to the shortcuts

they wouldnt get it

youre on the last mile home

your chest burns but keep running

like theyre getting closer

POSTED BY XO AT 10:43

October 7, 2009

the water was everywhere

and the trees were falling

the sky is crashing

oh darling, its morning

nibius is just around the corner

but

gravity

is

already

pulling

me

apart

POSTED BY XO AT 18:08 

October 7, 2009

what would life be without our memory?

i feel like a blind man trapped in the big blackness under the sea

is this my life? where is my mind?

POSTED BY XO AT 22:39 

October 8, 2009

just like a like stencil

sprayed black.

once again the boy or the prize?

the man that disappears or the prestige?

streetartliketherocketsarefalling

POSTED BY XO AT 08:23 

October 9, 2009

.mp3

x o

x x o

x o o

x x o o

x x o o i

?

POSTED BY XO AT 06:53 

[pwblogarchive]

September 2009

September 25, 2009

“colorado springs”

this is not a game. or a campaign. the dinosaurs at labels wouldnt understand this. we have to sneak around them. stealth is key. you will recieve- a message a key- some will receive tangible ones that they can choose to share or not. others will just take part in something they have wanted for awhile. there is no puzzle. there is a code. this is ours. by ours i mean you and us. stay tuned.

there is a message in all of this. this is all a part of the art.

POSTED BY XO AT 7:01 PM 3 COMMENTS: 

-

from now on we are enemies.

POSTED BY XO AT 7:43 AM 3 COMMENTS:

September 28, 2009

“id never lie to you but id never tell you the truth either.”

I apologize for leaving without saying goodbye, but I seem to have outstayed my welcome in Colorado. The truly extraordinary is not permitted in science and industry. Perhaps you'll find more luck in your field, where people are happy to be mystified. You will find what you are looking for in this box.

POSTED BY XO AT 7:26 PM 1 COMMENT:

[pwblogarchive]

June 2009

June 3, 2009

“fuck it/this/me”

Wake up to despise a world I once loved

Why would you bring me in if you knew what youd become

Curse everyone and everything even the sun, Draw the blinds

I want to be tucked in and put back to sleep only like a dog this time

Set the sails

Drop anchor in the middle of a storm

I've got a conversation

And a bottle to keep us warm

Let's break it on the bow

as it sinks

hummingbird with hammers for wings

the swan doesnt remember the last song it sings

Take what you love most and burn it to the ground

the smoke in the air won't leave me be

All around

Count the embers tell me

They don't look like me

They won't sing to me

If I wake in the morning I only need two more miracles to become a saint

Everything I promised everyone I'd be I just aint

Bury me with my friends

At the crossroads of dead end

And oh all my old friends

Oh Yeah I hate them

Why bother make new ones too

Just more for me to lose

Put myself in this prison called life

Got a sentence of a lifetime

But I know the warden is god

And I could get paroled at anytime

the letter begins

Dear old feuds

Don't worry I'm headed

Somewhere new

I just hope they let me in the gates

i hope they dont have a calculator to add up all my mistakes

You can't give me any more time than I already have

And then they sent me a postcard from hell

"Wish you were here"

I'm getting close

The gps says were near

Got a key to a lock that doesn't exist

got a world on my back that i cannot lift

drink the world, til its forgotten about

I never know what I'm talking about

Don't care about anybody

But the ones that are gonna carry my coffin

Will my love be the same as I left them

Will my pall bearers be the same as my bestmen?

Tell my friends to forget about becoming famous

Not that it matters this junk is so goddamned contagious

Losing it and I love being lost

Dad, tell me which is worse

Your last breath in the worst city on earth

Or your last kiss from the lips you were built to love from birth

I'm so sick of the neon lights

But every dog will have its day

And when I get mine

I'm gonna paint this world gray

[pwblogarchive]

May 2009

May 24, 2009

“varnish on the table that will last longer than us all…”

in my asymmetrical and non-linear understanding (misunderstanding of) the past few years are only like a dog who bites someones hand. its reflex, by the time the newspaper is swatted at it, its too late the dogs has forgotten everything but shame and self defeat- but not the why. so tail between the legs we circle the yard we just want to come back inside where we can hear the laughs and cheers of the people world going on with out us. its not everything thats different that makes us tick, its the way we hold on to the normal parts of us. we need them most. they are the processing drive that essentially keeps us alive. we need society so that we can sit just at the edge of it and critique it but every once in awhile we need to sneak in and warm ourselves on the fire. there is a grace to rolling, to the perfect spiral. but there is no grace in going end over end. its an amusement park ride at best- but at worst it is light and dark, dawn and dusk, spinning end over end so fast that it becomes a blur. the great black sadness poison and beaks and all and the warming sun just become the same. its that lithium point. the drooling effect. zombie. been going through kitchens and back doors for awhile now, so youd never know. feel like im walking around with a sign on my back of some kind. every one i know wants to take me in, to pull me aside for that all important conversation where i figure me out- we pull out of perspective- maybe i dont want to figure me out. maybe every time you thank me, i feel like ive pulled the rug out from under you. every time you curse me, i quietly applaud because you know what? maybe youre right. maybe they all are. snag. hit a snag. always do. turn over a new leaf, fuck it turn over the whole tree. itll be a new day all the bodies hanging from the branches will be buried in beautiful ceremonies. and besides well finally have roots. something to dig in to. ive forgotten most everyone i ever cared for if they dont keep tabs on me. not saying that should come as much of a surprise its just me. i dont want to clear up any confusion. i dont want to clarify black or white, im totally entranced with the idea of remaining gray. and if my eyes pour its just for the garden that is its lashes. nothing more. cause really its just that newspaper swat and i couldnt remember for the life of me what ive done or where ive been thats got me shaking to my karmic bone. the "h.m.s. sinking" feeling is sneaking up on me. thats what you get in open waters, right? royal navy to the crown prince of pointlessness. you got addicted to the blur. its the stage. its the plane. its the kiss. its the strut. and when it all slows down its just you in a room so dark you cant even tell how big it is. been asleep so long ive forgotten my name. stumble. the night has a plan. if not the night has a point: "if you cant remember it why would you ever miss the blur?" think of all the in-betweens. knuckles numb from the walls youve puched, knees buckling from all the legs youve loved. all the toasts weve made. all the hugs. blow past the exit sign. the exist sign. were ticking. were wicks sparking....

May 28, 2009

“what do you want to call it?”

i got that midnight tennis elbow

the solitaire rugburn

took a turn (an ace up my sleeve)

i want to choke (u)

and get sick off of you like secondhand smoke

ya got me sweating like calcutta nights

such a sweet epiphany

i am a wing

i am a prayer

a thimble and an acorn

a promise from a poor apocathary- to an understudy in love forlorn

ill give you heatstroke

im getting you and im losing me

wed get legendary lil darlin, uh huh lil darlin

but ive got a nomadic head

i love ya but ive caught the doom and the dread

[pwblogarchive]

February 2009

February 2, 2009

actually.

you wake up before you fall asleep.

February 5, 2009

“rushmore”

They say any port in a storm right? I’ll keep the light on and pray for the wind to pick up.

Posted by xoat 2:15 AM

[pwblogarchive]

January 2009

January 14, 2009

“believersneverdie”

I am the love of my own life

Broke my heart

And Left myself twice

Just can't stay away

I'm gonna cheat death

God can't stand it

Keep a picture of dorian gray in my attic

I'm an iceberg off being a dreamboat

Sneak Thru bedroom windows til the day I die

The last of the crusaders lving forever with his baby teeth

The yarns of my life won't sew together right

Say your prayers. I've made a religion of leaving you behind

And I'm always tring to recover from the fog of a flight

I'm early at being late and

When wallstreet crashed I invested in a grave

I was miscast to play the role of myself

But I took it cos I needed the dime

And I'll understudy ill understand me

A secondhand account of stories that never happened

And the good times were never

Quite as good as we remember

Pick up that guitar I dare you

Ill shove it down your throat

Crash

I wanna hear my name before I hit the stage

Crash

I want out just before it gets too late

Put the world on mute

Don't look like much but I clean up good in a haircut and defamation suit

They say you'll get ur reward in heaven but hell I want it now

(When I can appreciate it)

I have nothing to offer you but everything you don't need

I was salivating the moment you began whimpering

That's just my favorite mouth and my favorite sound

"Can you hold for the next available operator?" There's enough sad to go around

I love you so much I'm going to break you in places you didn't even know existed

I'm only good at getting worse at being better

Your so pretty when ur looking at him

Behind closed doors am i the animal they say I am or have I been house broken?

"You don't have to answer any of this"

Leave it all unspoken

Snap snap snap

They'll catch us in a photograph

Snap snap snap

My heart will crush the electricity in your pants

Could I look out into the crowd and andthink "you saved my life"

January 19, 2009

"i missed your skin when you were east, you clicked your heels and wished for me..."

i cant sleep.

not when i cant look in on you.

not when i cant feel you on my chest.

not even with hurricane of excitement here.

i cant be me.

i dont remember how.

i wouldnt want that memory even if i could,

if i had to do it on my own.

id pass.

skip me.

go on to someone who matters.

put me on a plane or press fastforward.

but tape the good parts.

i dont want to miss them.

January 28, 2009

compromise:

open the gates of hell. see what comes out. but more importantly what comes in....