art tag is #art oc tag is #ocs if u see me interact probably go to @k*****************y
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i like to think that my permanent eye bags and general worn-down look give me a certain cuteness
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this guy reminds me of my guy this girl reminds me of my guy
#NOW ISN'T THE TIME TO WONDER IF YOU'RE TRANSGENDERπ€¦ββοΈπ€¦ββοΈπ€¦ββοΈ#it never is actually. sorry A. okay she's probably not she's got something else going on. probably.#ocs#art#standard ikejime
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day 1 romania my mother has employed psychological warfare tactics (argument in the car where i cant escape)
#you want me to make you a hairdresser appointment?? when im so busy?? don't you know how many health problems i have right now?? you don't#care!! i know you don't care because you don't know!! (she has not told me. im in another country.) you are so selfish so egoistic!! you#don't even care that im so busy!! phone that fucking hairdresser yourself!!#(i pull out my phone to look for the hairdresser) YOU'RE ALWAYS ON YOUR PHONE!!!! (im doing what you told me to do) IF I HADNT THEN YOU'D BE#ON YOUR PHONE FOR STUPID SHIT!!! LIKE BEFORE!!! (i was looking for housing for next year...) HOW SHOULD I KNOW!!!!#π
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cigarettes are classier because they're made for the outside and the privacy of your own living space while vapes exist almost exclusively to be used in public bathrooms
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really weird strong moment of insight into the self last night now what can i do with it
#i think im just so used to feeling bad or Guilty specifically that if i don't feel it i will feel uneasy and start seeking out things that#will make me feel guilty. back home it was easy to do things that made me happy or were good but brought onwards a sense of guilt of lying#to my parents for example. like going on long walks (good) but not saying where (bad). and here there's no one to feel guilty towards except#myself so i do things that are bad for me instead to chase that feeling.#and when i only have things to feel good about i get uneasy and start seeking reasons to feel bad like overthinking minor social fumbles etc#i don't know... i should probably do something w#with this. i want to.
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man fuck that therapy moneyππ from today onwards it's gonna be crayyyzy around here
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im fat and im stupid too and it's kind of vital to fully reacknowledge this before i get to romania so my parents don't have a bubble to burst
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sorry, beautiful goth she/they from hinge who ghosted me a month ago and just hit me up on instagram asking how im doing, but the moment you hit sent on the message i was trying to blissfully bury myself into the gently fragrant soft curl cloud of hair of a southern european while watching a movie about scottish heroin addicts so you kinda missed your shot.
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another friend of mine is this really chill guy who's obsessed with saying bruh 30 times a day and what i do is ill present him with a situation for which the proper end question would be "am i being too anxious and overthinking this?" but what i ask is "am i tripping?" and he goes "yeahhh you tripping bruh it's fiiine"
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im a stupid pervertππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππ
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when i was deep in the trenches id be really nauseated by the thought of a future partner touching me and feeling any kind of give of an adipose tissue, assuming they'd either be grossed out or fetishize it. i know now i was insane because after fondling this fuck's sides like i was playing the piano i can't stop thinking about how nice it was
#πππππππππππππππππππππππππππ#βyou're like tickling my sides it's so niceβ please please please please please please can i do it sober too please please please please#took a break from tumblr to find love
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fresh asf like a million dollars justfine and dandy

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there's no place for mental illness in my brain rn because all the space is occupied by excitement plans of getting drunk friday and putting crazy moves on that italian but the mental illness really wishes it had space like really really badly
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i mentally can't draw right now im so mad rn i can't draw at all (really mad) (nothing looks right) (somad)
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1.5kg of fucking pickles yeah mhm that's right yep yep 2β¬ yeahhhhhhh
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not even nearly all of them
#i like tuah do myself a birthday illustration of A and randall because#1 they're self projections 2 they were both created some time in april as well. although 6 years apart.#ill do it after my commishies#ocs#standard ikejime#ahh 10th april 10th so close guys so soon guys im excited
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recently ive been going around this by wishing for "everything to be exactly the way it's supposed to be"
every time i start a new pack i look at it and whichever cigarette calls to me the most i flip it and have that one last. and i make a wish when i get to it. the problem with this is that usually whatever i wish for starts slipping further from my grasp afterwards. no i haven't considered quitting smoking
#because i feel i am meant to be doomed so logically the opposite of this should be for things to arrange nicely.#it has lead to a kind of slow improvement with more highs and more lows than usual.#it's probably more because a change of mentality which itself has lead to a change in my wishes. but still
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