q-frankie

[q-frankie]

 Stuck. 

That's the only constant feeling. How does one make a difference while finding something they love to do. I'm only in my 20's, why does it feel like I've already wasted so much time. I'm only in my 20's. Why is it that every second I'm fighting the urge to not run away. Where would you run away to anyways? Will it actually help or just making you feel more alone. Is that what your craving? Isolation?  Do you think that's how you're going to find yourself? 

What is it about yourself that is standing in your way? Lack of motivation is drowning all of your dreams. Fantasies is a better word for them. You don't actually know what you want; all you know is you just want it to stop. Time is the only actual value you have in your life and you're just blowing it. Every second that passes is another moment wasted. STOP STARING AT THAT WALL! I can't. Isolation is what I do best. Stop giving yourself a million tasks that you know you'll never finish. Stop numbing your brain.

Do you overwhelm yourself so you can justify this unmotivated crap you call a life?

They will never understand. This isn't who you're suppose to be. Why aren't you that happy sunshine of a person you were when you were younger. Who killed your light? Who broke that person to create this human suit of bones. Why can't we decide who we are? Who really are we00? Can you change you? but deep down you'll still be that shitty person you're trying to cover up.. Why aren't you the way they want you to be? Why are you, you...

I can't stop my brain from thinking the way it does but I can control my actions but somehow I've been on autopilot. What happens when I take control back? I always ruin something when I do.. I can't even be me correctly. Who are you anyways? It's been so long since you've had control, do you even know who you are anymore? All you want to do is talk all this out but you can't trust someone with this "delicate" information. You know they'll judge you. You can't handle the judgement and not knowing what they are actually thinking.

Fuck being in your 20's  

Fuck self discovery 

Fuck all this shit

So lets just blog. Blog all the shit you can't just say. Blog the shit you want to do. Blog the good n bad thoughts. Just keep blogging until this shit starts adding up or until you inevitably take your own life. Which ever one comes first. Buckle up because who knows where this shit show will go.

Welcome to the Shit Show!

[q-frankie]

 i listen to the playlist you made me.. Why don't i feel anything?  Is it your age Is it because you reminded me of her  i'm attracted to you but my inexperience builds a wall between us. My life is rocky and i don't want to drag you in it but i know you yearn to make me happy Should i risk your feelings for the benefit of knowing  a chance to fall in love a chance to change do i roll the dice?

But i can't i'm not capable of love right now i do care about you and i can see us together  but i'm just not that person Never been that person To hurt others for their own gain to even chance hurting another soul i want to be a good person, i know, i can be a good person Do you even actually feel the way you're presenting  Is this how you are when you crush on anyone? is this another form of love bombing  There's too many red flags  And they're all mine  so i create ones for you  only time will tell if that is true but unfortunately  a chance will not be given This Time   i'm too broken and you deserve better 

[q-frankie]

Anger   Something I've worked on for a while  That ugly monster within Been handed down generation by generation When does it break? What will dilute this Can I contain her any longer