qnxemz - Tumblr blog

qnxemz · 1 year

Text

cause i love this curse on our house - leon kennedy x reader

summary:

Leon can't stop the doubts that crowd his mind after he has a dream about you.

I'll ruin it for you. I'll ruin it all over and over like I always do. Loosely inspired by the song, "The Alcott" by the National ft. Taylor Swift.

words: 4.3k

notes: first fic! i have leon brain rot rn. also posted on ao3!

The candle light flickered and left erratic shapes on the walls of your home. The only other light illuminating your face was the random late night show displayed on the television. Your eyes struggled to stay open as you fought sleep. Leon had told you he would be back today, and you were determined to stay awake, so you could greet him. There was always a chance that his mission would be delayed or something else out of his control would happen that made him late, but the slight off chance that everything did work out, you knew he would be here.

In an effort to keep your mind running, you wrote in your journal, a gift to you from Leon. It was yellow, and it was a bit frayed on the edges, but you loved it nonetheless. You had adorned the journal with decorations, covering the front entirely, but you didn’t mind the clutter. Your absolute favorite decoration was the polaroid of you and Leon, an item secretly stolen from Claire after she teased the hell out of you both. It was taken before you and Leon had started dating, a time when neither of you were brave enough to confess to each other.

You wrote random things in your journal, but you also wrote things that you hoped to remember to tell Leon whenever he arrived from missions. It was easier this way as it kept a part of your relationship hidden from prying eyes or ears, and it became a tradition of sorts to guide Leon through your thoughts while he was gone. Many of the things you wrote down were trivial, but Leon never seemed to mind the stray grocery list scribbled on spare pages.

As the clock ticked closer and closer to 1 am, it became harder and harder to focus on the energetic late night TV host. Writing a quick note in your journal, a sigh escaped from your lips. You slowly convinced yourself that a 20 minute nap would be the perfect solution to your drowsiness. Pulling the blanket closer towards your chest, you let sleep overcome you.

—

You were awakened by the warmth of someone’s chest enveloping you. Despite your groggy state, you knew there was only one person who would be here with you now.

“Leon” you say as you press your face against his chest. He smelled like what you’ve always known him to smell like only with the faint addition of his favorite cologne. Leon’s arms were sturdy around you, the invisible thread between you two finally at ease.

Shushing you, Leon said, “Go back to sleep.” He paused and gave a kiss to your forehead. “You’ll thank me in the morning for not letting you sleep on the couch.”

As he lifted you, he noticed your notebook opened on your lap with your simple black pen nestled between the pages. Gently laying you back down on the couch, he reached for the journal to put in a safer location. Before moving it to the coffee table, he noticed the last thing you wrote.

Sorry, Leon! Promise this is only a 20 minute nap!

He couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped his lips. You could never keep yourself awake, but he adored how you tried. Closing your golden notebook, his eyes lingered on the cover, specifically the polaroid of you and him sleeping together on the couch, your bodies entwined. Your stickers littered the sides of the polaroid with everything you loved. He smiled to himself as he traced the worn out edges of the journal before placing it down and tending to you.

As he went up the stairs to the bedroom, he couldn’t help but notice how he missed everything. He missed the pictures hanging on the wall. He missed holding you like this. He missed the smell of the candle he blew out when he entered your home. He missed seeing you curled on the couch, having lost the battle to sleep and having to turn off the television for you.

When he entered your shared bedroom, he realized what he missed most of all was simply just being with you. You had been with him for so long, since all this madness began, and he simply couldn’t remember a time when you were not a part of his life. The ache in his heart spread, knowing that you would never stray far from where he was when all he ever did was leave. He hated that he could never give you more.

Laying you down gently on the bed, he did his best to cover you. Looking at your sleeping form once more, he went to put on some more comfortable clothes. When he finally made it to bed, you had fallen back into deep sleep. Doing his best to make as little disturbance as possible, he laid down, the bed slightly dipping due to his weight. Instantly, almost as if seeking his warmth, you gravitated towards Leon. Putting his arm around you, he brought you impossibly closer. You hooked a leg over him in your sleep, and Leon smiled contently, looking at the ceiling. There was no better peace than being here with you. Leon knew he would not be able to sleep much because once he closed his eyes, he would see the trauma of his latest mission. However, snuggled here with you, your body seeking him as if he were the answer to your prayers, he couldn’t help but try to get some shut eye.

—

Leon woke up peacefully, something he hadn't done in months. His mind raced when he didn’t feel the warmth of you anymore. In fact, the side of your bed was empty. It was still dark outside, so he knew you couldn’t have been up yet. However, something felt off about the apartment. It almost felt like there was another presence other than the two of you, which had Leon worrying about your safety. He quickly got up, not bothering to put on more suitable clothes and grabbed his gun he had hidden in the nightstand.

As he walked carefully around the apartment, he found himself heading to your shared office. It wasn’t until he heard something that he never thought he would hear that his eyes widened. A baby giggle. Quickly, he lowered his gun but abruptly stopped when he saw you in the office, except it wasn’t an office anymore. It was a nursery with a crib and stuffed animals in every corner. There was a tiny bookshelf in the corner, and the carpet under Leon’s feet was soft. His eyes eventually fell on you, in the middle of the room. However, you weren’t just standing there. You were cradling a baby.

You were turned away from him, facing the window with only the moonlight illuminating your silhouette. He softly called out your name. For some reason, he wasn’t alarmed that you were carrying a baby in your arms. It felt as natural as the gun loaded in his hand. Leon stood at the doorway for a bit, admiring your beauty and a bit in awe with the entire situation. He walked towards you softly, in order to not alarm you. However, the closer he got to you, the more he realized something was terribly wrong. Your pjs were now ripped, and there was a terrible smell of death. When he faced you, he realized exactly what had happened.

You were dead. No, you were worse than dead. You were a zombie, alive but dead. His heartbeat quickened. He gripped the gun in his hand more firmly. He called your name again, but it was like you couldn’t hear him at all. Your gaze never moved from the baby in your arms. Other than the slight rocking in your form, you did nothing to indicate that you knew of Leon’s presence. There was a faint smile to your pale lips as you looked at the bundle wrapped in your arms. He could hear the baby more clearly now. His and your baby giggling happy gurgles unaware that their own mother was dead.

Leon’s face was wet. He was crying silent tears. He wished you would attack him. He wished you would act more like the zombies in Raccoon City because maybe it would have made this easier. He couldn’t kill you. He doesn’t even think he could kill you if you were clawing at his face, yearning to take a chunk of his skin off. With you here, cuddling his baby, he realized there was nothing he wanted more. He wanted this domesticity with you. But you were dead. You had become the monster from his nightmares, a hell he experienced for the first time 3 years ago.

Leon thinks this is worse than hell. Hell would have hurt less. He fell to his knees, never taking his eyes off of you, the gun long forgotten in his hand. His vision was beginning to blur, but he could still make out your face. He swore he could hear you slightly humming to the infant in your arms. He kneeled there, sobbing over what you had become, his dream and nightmare intertwined in some cruel twist of fate.

In the midst of his tears, he realized there were no more baby giggles. Instead, there was eerily silence, and then he heard it. It was muffled at first, but he could hear it. Your baby was crying. Their wails got louder and louder, and when he looked at you, his breath caught short.

You were looking right at him, angrily as if he was the one that caused the newborn to cry. Your face had been clawed open by some zombie. He could see the bone in your cheek, but what caught his attention were your eyes. Your eyes, the ones he loved so much were cloudy and bloodshot. There was no love behind them, no laughter, no life. He did this. He caused you to lose the light in your eyes. He made you this. The tears were hot now, scalding his skin. This was what he deserved, and he selfishly made you a part of his fate. He looked down at his hands, and they were covered in blood. When he looked back up at you, you lunged at him, the baby gone from your hands.

—

He woke up with a start. He was back in bed. There was never a baby. You were never a zombie. Leon was with you in bed, his body sore due to how tense he was. His chest was heavy and riddled with sweat. He slowly unclenched his fists and brought a hand to his face. He realized he had been crying. The only comfort was that he still felt your body entangled with him.

You had slightly moved positions due to his movement, but otherwise you were still peacefully sleeping. If he looked closely, he could see your chest rising up and down. In an effort to avoid jolting you awake, he did his best to strip himself from you.

Before he made his way to the balcony, he looked at your form. He studied the shape of your nose, your hair, and the way your body curled in order to conserve heat without him. Afraid that his eyes could have been deceiving him earlier, he had to make sure you were still alive. Gently lifting up your arm, he checked your wrist to ensure that you still had a beating pulse underneath it all. He breathed a sigh of relief that what he just experienced was only a nightmare.

The air outside was cold, cooling the sweat off his skin. Breathing in deeply, Leon could smell the distant aroma of rain, but the moonlight still shined brightly. He breathed in and breathed out, trying to calm the rapid beating of his heart. He couldn’t get over what he had seen. He was the cause of your ruination.

Was it selfish to keep you near when he could let you go? How many times will you believe in him? Believe that he will come back unharmed and unfazed? Believe that he could protect you? The world was against him and keeping you on his side would make the world turn against you too. He had to let you go. You deserved someone that wouldn’t let you turn into their worst nightmare.

—

You awoke to an empty bed. You swore Leon had arrived earlier that night because the bed was still warm from where he laid. You wondered where he was until you heard the slight woosh of the wind from the balcony door. Quietly, you walked to the balcony and saw Leon’s silhouette staring out into the skyline. You knew he had recognized your presence no matter how quiet you tried to keep your steps, for the brutal training he underwent made sure of it. You stood next to him, twiddling with your fingers. For a bit, neither of you made any move to address each other. After a wind spell sent shivers down your spine, you finally turned to him.

From this angle, you could see a tiny cut on his cheek from his latest mission. You noticed a portion of his left arm was wrapped in bandages, and you longed to gently run your hands over each of his injuries, in the futile hope that your touch would do him any good. His eyes never moved from the skyline, but as you watched him, your thoughts swarmed with concern. Had he really come back to you in one piece?

Leon waited for you to speak first. He knew you were watching him, and he so desperately wanted to break into your golden thinking. He hoped you wouldn’t say something that would make what he was about to do harder, but it was you. No matter what you did, Leon would never be able to break away from you with ease. He would never be able to untangle the invisible thread that connected him to you. Finally, he heard you take a deep breath.

“I missed you,” you said. It was everything Leon wanted to hear but didn’t want to hear at the same time. Taking a moment to recollect himself, Leon looked at you, and your eyes were beautiful. They were staring right back at him with love, no cloudy vision, and certainly no anger behind them. His breathing slowed, and he opened his arms to motion you into a hug. You didn’t resist and nestled your face into his chest.

He kissed your head, and hugged you impossibly tighter. “Missed you so much,” he mumbled into your hair. You could hear his heartbeat from where you were, and it eased your thoughts. You closed your eyes and accepted this. Whatever had made Leon come to the balcony didn’t matter as long as you could be with him. Still holding onto you as if you were water slipping from his grasp, you heard him swallow hard.

“I think we should go our separate ways,” the invisible string suddenly taut between you two.

You pulled away from him, and he let you go reluctantly. You looked at him as his face scrunched up as if it was painful for him to even say it.

“What?” you say, your voice impossibly small. Your heart that was once beating steadily was now speeding up. Leon repeated himself, still avoiding your eyes.

“We’re done,” he says in a tone to bring some finality to it, but his voice cracks.

You were silent. He waited for a response, an outburst for anything that would indicate what you were feeling. Leon couldn’t help but think he would rather you hate him than get caught up in his affairs. He finally turns to you, and he really looks at you. You were wearing one of his old shirts and pj pants that he was sure were also his considering the way they fit. When he made his way to your face, he now saw what he did. You were crying silently, looking down, the same thing he had done in his nightmare.

“Why?” You pause for a bit to try and make your voice not waver. “Was it something I did?”

“No, no of course not,” Leon says, his hands betraying his thoughts by trying to reach for your form. You instinctively move further from him, a movement that panged at Leon’s heart. Leon took a deep breath.

“I’m ruining you.” His voice was almost inaudible. You finally looked up at him, and you saw he was looking at you too, now. He had tears running down his face, replacing the dried up tears from before.

“I don’t understand,” you say. Was your love too much? Had you given him everything and nothing at the same time? Had you become one of his problems?

“I can’t let myself be selfish. You deserve more than me. You deserve-” he paused for a second in an attempt to calm his pounding heart. “You deserve someone better than me.” “Leon, I want you. How could you expect me to move on?” Your voice was soft.

“How could you expect me to forget you?”

Your voice was so low, and the tears were streaming down your face. You didn’t want to cry. In the back of your mind, you were always expecting this to end. Everything that was yours becomes a land mine. You just didn’t expect the rain to your parade to come so soon.

Leon had no answers to your questions because he couldn’t picture himself with anyone else but you. He squeezed his eyes shut. Leaving you was never going to be easy.

“If you really want to break up with me, look at me in my eyes and tell it to me.” Leon couldn’t. He couldn’t stare at your eyes and tell you a lie that he knew would stab both you and him.

You knew he couldn’t. Leon could barely look at your eyes throughout this all. You didn’t move your gaze from Leon, daring for him to tell you that he wanted nothing to do with you.

“Leon, I wanted this. I still want this.” You pause. “I love you, Leon. I never wanted easy. I knew it wouldn’t be. I don’t know what brought this on, but all I do know is that I love you. I can’t picture myself with anyone else.”

“Please. You have to let me go.” Leon runs a hand through his increasingly messy hair. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to you.”

“We’re a team! We’ve always been a team, since the beginning. Don’t you get that? We both weren’t expecting to be put in this situation, but we are.” You take a moment to calm your breathing. “I wouldn’t want to be doing this with anyone else.”

“I saw you dead.” He says your name so softly you can barely hear it. “You were a zombie, a zombie carrying our child in your arms. And I couldn’t stand to see you like that, but I also couldn’t kill you. And then you looked up, and you were so angry... So angry towards me.” His face scrunches as if saying this out loud was causing him physical pain. ”Your eyes were dead. I can’t let that happen.”

“It won’t happen if you’re with me.” you say, willing him to believe it, wanting him so desperately to trust you.

“You can’t possibly believe that.” Leon shakes his head. “I do! Yes, I have some training now, but I feel safest with you. I wouldn’t have survived without you. Are you really so willing to throw that all away?”

Leon didn’t respond. He had no answer because of course not. He would never be able to move on from you. You are his future.

You were sobbing now. If he really was going to break up with you, then he should see your hurt. You weren’t going to force him to stay if he really wanted to go.

“Don’t you think I’ve felt the same way? Everytime you go on one of your damn missions, I never know if that’ll be the last time I see you. In the back of my mind, I’m always expecting some random government official letting me know that you died. And it would be my fault because I didn’t go with you.”

Leon looked at you. His eyes pierced through your skin, looking at all the cracks that just barely held you together. It was your turn to avoid eye contact with him. You looked at anything but him because you couldn’t dare deal with having to see the doubts swarm around in his face. Tears rolled down your face, and you think you can see Leon wiping his eyes from the corner of your vision. Still, he has no response, and you’re forced to wait for the impending end to the one real thing you ever had.

Leon couldn’t go through with this. Your sobs physically pained him. He would rather deal with anything else than hear your cries. He pulled you towards him, and this time you let him. You wracked his chest with sobs. You thrashed against his chest, trying to not let him comfort you. However, you were so tired of being strong, and his arms felt like home. You were wetting his shirt with tears, but you couldn’t force yourself to care.

“I’d always come back to you,” he mumbles into your hair.

He pulls away slightly. Your eyes are still shut, but your tears have slowed. Slowly, he wipes the tears glittered across your cheeks. Then, you feel his lips kiss every part of your face. He kisses your eyes, your nose, your cheeks. A million ‘I’m sorry’s’ in every kiss. He kisses the stray tears still trailing down your face. He finally says it out loud.

“I’m sorry.” He kisses your face again and again. “I’m so so stupid. I love you. I love you so much.” His kisses never stop peppering your face. His hands cradling your head delicately, as if one wrong move would make you shatter.

He stops, and you slowly open your eyes, finally looking directly into his. He was looking at you now too, and you could see he meant everything he said. His eyes were bright from the tears he had just shed, and you’re sure yours looked the same. You smiled at him, and you almost want to laugh. Could it ever be easy this once? He looks beautiful, his hair disheveled from sleep and the wind.

“Kiss me, Leon.”

And he does. He’s hesitant at first, afraid of hurting you once more. When he feels your desire, he deepens the kiss. He kisses you as if it was the last time he’d ever get to. He moves down to kiss at your neck, but he never strays too far from your lips. His hands never stop cradling your face.

When you both move away to take a breath, neither of you speak.

You look up at him, finally able to do what you had been aching to do since you first saw him. You traced his fresh scar on his cheek. His eyes closed at the feeling of your hands on his face. You grabbed his hands, checking that he had no stray injury. You moved to his bandaged arm, making sure that the work was done correctly.

“I’m okay.” Leon meets your gaze. “I promise.” You breathe a sigh of relief before wrapping your arms around his torso. You feel him kiss your hair as his hands bring your body the warmth you crave.

“Should we go inside? It looks like it’s gonna rain,” your voice still muffled by his chest. The moon was partially covered now by some clouds that looked just about ready to pour. The wind had picked up dramatically, and the little street noise that was there earlier was now completely eradicated into the night.

“In a minute.” Leon adjusts his arms around you once more. Both of you watch the scenery outside as the wind picks up. He’s still for the most part. You wish you could turn to see his face, try to discern if everything really was okay. Unsurprisingly, it starts to drizzle ever so slightly, and the wind makes the rain hit both of you straight on. Leon still doesn’t make any sign that he wants to head inside.

Eventually the rain becomes too much for either of you to deal with. He pulls away from you and smiles. The slight rain makes your face glow, and your messy hair makes you look ethereal. He wishes he could take a picture of you right now. He wants to keep this moment forever, but he figures his mind will be enough for him this time.

“You know, a picture lasts longer right?” You cross your arms around your chest.

Leon chuckles, and he wraps an arm around you.

“Let’s go inside. Wouldn’t want you to catch a cold now, would we?” he teases. You poke at his side, and he feigns hurt. However, his arm never moves from your shoulder. Before he shuts the balcony door, he gives you one more kiss.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For not letting me be stupid.”

You laugh. Hearing your laugh warms his entire body. He wishes he could always have you like this. You smile at him.

“Of course. What else would I be here for?” you say, and you kiss him again. He smiles into the kiss, and you’re startled by him picking you up and taking you to bed. You wouldn’t change this for the world, you think. After all, you love this curse on your house.

#leon kennedy x reader #leon x reader #leon kennedy angst #leon kennedy fic #resident evil

544 notes · View notes