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so, the guy who broke my heart eight years ago is getting married today.

he was my first love and probably the reason why this tumblr account existed. wow, we’ve come a long way. im genuinely happy for him. this is what i wanted — for him to always choose happiness. and he knows that. now that he’s finally found the one, i hope and wish nothing but the best for him and for his wife.

with that, i think that this is also the best time to leave this 10-year old blog. it has served its purpose very well. in fact, way more than what I expected.

it’s been a roller coaster ride — full of highs and lows, and twists and turns and im glad that i had the opportunity to document them all as much as i can.

and of course, to all the people i met here, even the ones who i just follow but haven’t talk to (actually, i haven’t talked to 95% of the bloggers who i follow here lol), your stories have inspired me one way or another so thank you! i will definitely see you still ...

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wow, missing him so badly tonight

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I’m at the “we’ll see” stage in my life. With everything and everyone. We will see.

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after almost 10 years, ive already come to this point of thinking about deleting this tumblr account

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More than two years later, it finally dawned on me.

• The effort of going to my workstation every time he had to tell or ask me something when he could’ve just chat me through Skype (we just started using MS Teams last year so don’t judge lol). So Ferdi really had a point, “Pinupuntahan ka talaga lagi may Skype naman?”

• When he went out of his way to carry and transfer all my stuff (3 boxes, 2 monitors, CPU, keyboard, etc) from my old to new workstation while I was on leave even if I told him that I’d do it once I come back.

• The Starbucks treats

• The Error

I committed an error on one of my outputs that time. I was so sure that it was an error. Since he’s the one responsible for quality and internal feedbacks, he helped me resolve the issue with the client. During my year end evaluation that year, I was surprised that there was no error recorded for me. I reached out to him to confirm. And lo and behold, he told me that he let it pass and didn’t count it as an error for me since I’m new in the US Team. But I also know that someone had to be accountable for that error since the team is keeping track of the number of errors yearly. And I think, he held himself accountable for that 🥺

• The Teases

The next morning after my colleague posted this photo of us on a Sunday night, he never stopped teasing me about him. Every. Damn. Time. He just stopped when he found out that I already have a boyfriend.

Then on the night of our team’s party last 2019, I think he ‘overheard’ me talking to Miggs over the phone (I was updating him about my what and whereabouts). Then after that, he never stopped teasing me until now. Always asking/teasing me, “kamusta na kayo ng baby mo?” I’m cringeing every time! Hahahaha.

• The Leads

But what made me realise everything after two years are the leads. Their “parinigs” every meeting (‘cause he’s always being bullied in the team).

That moment in 2019 when I asked for a two week-leave during the holidays and he allowed me, inaway siya ni Ms. Ella that time. I even heard her tell him, “Bahala ka diyan!” 😂 She was mad because there will be no skeletal force from the Baseline Team and he volunteered to do the tasks while I’m on leave.

But it was the most recent meeting that happened days ago which finally proved my hunches. When our boss, teased him and said, “Yung isa nga dyan, magpapaalam nang uuwi tapos makikita ko iikot pa sa kabilang side e wala naman dun yung pinto. May dinadaan pa para magpaalam.”

I could clearly remember those times. Every afternoon, before he goes home, he’d drop by our area. Sometimes he’d literally say, “Bye, Jel**” or at times, he’d just smile or wave. There were even moments back then where I could see the other leads looking at us smiling or laughing.

Now, the question in my head is: SHUX, KAYA BA WALA PANG ISANG TAON, INILIPAT NA AKO SA IBANG MANAGER?! LOL.

To be honest tho, Joyce, my closest friend at work, already felt it that time. In fact, she wouldn’t stop teasing me every time he’s around. I just always ignored her. But the truth is, I also had a crush on him two years ago. And now, it’s just all in the past sooo 🤷🏻‍♀️

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I think I just made the wrong move 😬

HAHAHAHAHA. Lord, sabi ko nga rin po. Mali! Lol 🤦🏻‍♀️

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I woke up in a good mood. Prepared myself a breakfast, and decided to ditch work. I’m still feeling a bit guilty knowing that there are a lot of tasks to do at work. But hey, I needed a break. And I’m still the one who’s gonna finish all those tasks anyway (it isn’t like someone else has to shoulder the burden) so why not give this day to myself? *still convincing myself til now tbh lol*

good morning!

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In God’s perfect time, baby. In God’s perfect time.

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Php 17,000-bill. Jusmiyo. Walang magshashopee hanggang March, Jeda!

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me: gusto ko donut :(

one hour later, papa bought and gave me this

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Days ago, he was asking to get back together. I told him, “No. Not yet.” While it’s true that I still love him and nothing’s changed about how I feel towards him, I want to be more sure this time. If ever magkabalikan kami, gusto ko sigurado na. Iyong hindi na siya bibitaw. Iyong talagang paninindigan na niya ako. Kasi mahirap. Ayoko na ulit maramdaman yung ganung sakit na naramdaman ko one month ago. Now that I am already starting to adjust and live my life again without depending on him and his presence, I don’t wanna go through that same pain again.

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the hows of us hits differently now.

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well, it’s better late than never ...

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 🥂✨

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one year later, two are mending broken hearts while one’s loving silently. we all have and are silently fighting our own battles.

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Tapos naman na pasko diba. Nairaos ko naman siya. Pero bakit umiiyak nanaman ako at the end of the day. Ang gago naman e hahaha