queerlyneurotic

[queerlyneurotic]

feeling so many feelings about all of this

[queerlyneurotic]

were you perpetually and exclusively praised for what you could one day become, instead of what you were, leading you to a lifetime of feeling like you were not only never good enough, but that the best thing about you was a future that would never come, that constantly felt like it was slipping away? Did you become so afraid of closing doors, of losing that one good thing, that potential, that you stagnated at the crossroads until your life began to rot around you and the asphalt ground to gravel and the roads grew ever rougher, the doors closing one by one even as you tried in vain to keep them open, instead of choosing a path and committing to a direction for your own progress? Did you watch the best thing about you, the one thing you were praised for, slowly collapse in your arms as you tried desperately and hopelessly to save it, finding yourself kneeling in the ruins of your unexplored promise, looking for a way out, and wondering if there was no where else to go? no way forward? When someone tells you they're proud of you, that they love you for who you are, that what you are is good enough, do you cry? do you struggle to believe them? do you have to try your damnedest just to make yourself hear the words? Do you wonder if, one day, you'll learn to be happy with who you are?

[queerlyneurotic]

One of the weirdest thing about growing up suicidal is that you assume you have no future, you don’t even try to envision it because you see no point. So eventually, you start assuming everyone else sees nothing in your future either. Recently, my friend and I were talking and she said something about how at her wedding I could wear a suit or a dress as long as it matched her bridesmaid’s dresses because the butler of honor has to make a good impression. This hit me so hard because I had never realized before how other people thought about me. She said it so casually like it wasn’t even a hard decision, just a given fact. She loves me so much she saw me at her wedding, standing with her on one of the most important days of her life. And you know what? There are so many people who think about you that way. If that isn’t proof that you should keep going I don’t know what is.

[queerlyneurotic]

love not being able to talk to anyone about my feelings 👍

[queerlyneurotic]

we are so ableist about memory. people with good memory take for granted the fact that they can recall as much as they can, and use that to taunt, guilt and threaten people with memory issues. many neurotypes and mental illnesses cause memory lapses. traumatic brain injuries can cause memory lapses. brain cancer can cause memory lapses.

even if your memory is good, it's not right to guilt someone because they can't remember something. trust me, people with memory problems are desperately trying to remember: it's just that we literally can't. it is a very literal "i can't remember".

[queerlyneurotic]

Homura Akemi from Puella Magi Madoka Magica has DPD

Homura Akemi from Puella Magi Madoka Magica has DPD

the first time I tried to post this it crashed tumblr so I hope it goes through now @_@

[IMAGE ID]: Homura Akemi from Madoka Magica overlaid on the DPD flag which has stripes with the following colors repeated once: pastel purple, red, orange, yellow, and green.

[queerlyneurotic]

How TF141 would react to having a boyfriend with DPD

TW: None

Characters: Simon, John, Price

DNI: fem alined ppl, proshippers, etc

A/N: I myself have DPD so this is based mostly on my experience but I hope that other people can relate, PURE fluff no sexual topic at all

Simon ‘ghost’ Riley

ᡣ𐭩 It would take some time for him to get used to everything and for him to figure out the best ways to accommodate you. 

ᡣ𐭩 He’s not a very touchy-feely person at all and is not comfortable with any PDA, but he doesn’t want you to internalize that or take it personally so he gives you affection verbally and through acts of service 

ᡣ𐭩 Off duty, he brings you everywhere with him. He understands that you feel left out and lonely when you’re not included in things. Even if it's just going to the store. But when he needs alone time or he has to go somewhere you can, he reassures you and soothes your self-doubts. Which he is surprisingly good at. 

ᡣ𐭩 He does a lot of research on DPD and enjoys reading about it. when he thinks he has an adequate amount of knowledge on it he asks you about your personal experience with it. 

ᡣ𐭩 He is very observant, and can easily pick up on when you need help with something. He knows that a lot of the time you are afraid to ask for help with something that seems simple but he knows for you that it's not. And he doesn't think for a second to demean you because of it or think less of you. 

John ‘Soap’ MacTavish

ᡣ𐭩 when you first told him, his exact reaction was “What the hell is that” and even after you explained it he still didn’t completely understand but he supported you either way. 

Over time he began to understand more and he started picking up on little things

ᡣ𐭩 When you are feeling down or self-conscious hugs are his #1 go-to. He hugs you so tight, it doesn’t matter when or where he is there to squeeze you. 

ᡣ𐭩 He absolutely loves it when you ask him for help, especially when it’s with little things. It makes him feel useful and proud of himself. He sometimes teases you about it but in reality, he doesn’t care, he just loves being able to be there for you no matter what. 

ᡣ𐭩 He does NOT use your DPD as an excuse to do the bare minimum, trust me this man is constantly and willingly going above and beyond for you. And he is happy doing so. 

ᡣ𐭩 If not knowing what choices to make overwhelms you he helps by giving you options and then narrowing it down to just one thing.

John Price 

ᡣ𐭩 He knew what DPD was beforehand, he may have not done extensive research on it but he knew. After meeting you he did a little bit of extra Googling on it but he much rather have just asked you about it directly 

ᡣ𐭩 He does not AT ALL expect you to be immediately submissive just because you have DPD, but he doesn’t mind if you are. in all honesty, he probably prefers it.

ᡣ𐭩 He often gives you advice, whether it be about cooking, life, emotions, etc, he is always there to give you support and an extra option. He often tries to guide you onto the right path while also allowing you to make your own decisions

ᡣ𐭩 In a time of need or when you are under a lot of stress, he tries to make you laugh by telling stupid corny jokes and just doing random things like tickling you. He just wants to see a smile on your face

ᡣ𐭩 CONSTANT reassurance is given to you from him. He is always giving you praise and compliments and little “I love yous” throughout the day.

[queerlyneurotic]

[queerlyneurotic]

my dpd is so fucking bad right now

[queerlyneurotic]

its. so hard. to always be there for other people. but then my phone is empty when i need other people.

[queerlyneurotic]

i wish ayanami kept going and pushed down harder when she was choking me so she couldve put me out of my misery

[queerlyneurotic]

i cured your rageouts so now you dont need me anymore

[queerlyneurotic]

why are everyone else's feelings valid except mine

[queerlyneurotic]

I HATE PPL TAKING CREDIT FOR MY WORK

[queerlyneurotic]

its not fair that i have to be bigger than ppl older than me :/

[queerlyneurotic]

im just gonna kill myself. this is too hard. the rules keep changing and i cant keep up

[queerlyneurotic]

im so confused