qzwrites

[qzwrites]

by juou no zan

-

The part that rankled Radek the most was how he was going to have to ask the Academy doctor for emergency contraception. Radek had always prided himself on being prepared for his endeavors, even after he stopped working as a mercenary and became a teacher. Yet he had been incorrect in his assumption he would have time to secure contraception before any sexual activity.

After Radek reported to Headmaster Ilgi what had happened on his class’s field trip and how he dealt with the matter, he went directly to the infirmary.

Thankfully Professor Kaezo, who functioned as the doctor as well as the healing specialist, was in. He looked up when Radek entered and laid his book down upon his desk. “Ah,” Kaezo said, “you’re back. How did it go? You look well, so I trust your training exercise went smoothly.”

“Not entirely,” Radek said. He closed the infirmary door behind him. “We ran into a small patch of Midnight Flower and one of my students fell right into them.” Radek had had an entire career as a mercenary, and he had never once run into Midnight Flower in person. Not that he especially wanted to fuck any of the obnoxious incompetents that had been his colleagues then, but at least they’d all been adults.

“Oh, gods,” Kaezo said, bringing a hand up to his mouth. “I assume they’re all right?”

Midnight Flower, also known as Love’s Thorn, though probably best known by its vulgar name of fuckweed, was a magical plant. It was incredibly powerful and potentially deadly. It posed little threat to people who weren’t traveling alone, since all someone had to do to dispel the effect was have sex, but there were a few cases every year where a missing person was found in some out-of-the-way place with mutilated genitals from trying to satisfy their magically unsatisfiable lust, or a rapist was pardoned because they could prove they’d been exposed to fuckweed and hadn’t been in their right mind.

“I would not let one of my students die,” Radek said dryly. He didn’t think Kaezo really meant to suggest that, even if his words implied it. “However, it does mean I need something in the way of contraception.”

-

Read the rest of this story in the full issue: Issue 112: Theme Free.

[qzwrites]

came up with A way to continue this, at least. it involves OCs so poor liu qingge can get away from plot relevance.

---

okay so when we last left our hero he had. confessed to shen qingqiu in order to get him to actually take him seriously about not wanting to have sex with him and binghe anymore. which was mortifying and also depressing, because now his best friend is avoiding him

shang qinghua eventually is like "i'm sorry bro" and liu qingge is like "mm" and shang qinghua is like "...i mean if you'd like to have less emotionally-fraught threesomes i could probably talk my king into it? you're hot" and liu qingge is like. blue screening. eventually he's like "no thank you?" and shang qinghua is like *pat pat* let me know if you ever change your mind. good luck

and that interaction was deeply stupid and kind of baffling but it has reminded liu qingge that like...well. other demons exist. because it's not hard to imagine part of the reason the sex was stupidly good, apart from...being in love with shen qingqiu...was that binghe is a demon. and like. maybe fucking another demon would be just as good? or almost as good, but way less upsetting?

so he goes to the succubus cave and is like ey madam meiyin--stop running away from me--you got any boys here?

and she's like O.O. regrettably incubi are much rarer than succubi, so no. we do have some girls with dicks, if that would suit you? and of course we all have strap-ons we can use. and liu qingge is like. thinking about stuff for the first time right at this moment perhaps. like oh. yeah okay he was in love with A Man, and then having sex with Just Men, but like...maybe? girls? would also work? his sample size for romantic and sexual interest is NOT HIGH. so he's like. uh idk does it feel the same?

madam meiyin is like. well. it depends on the strap, and also where you put it. they feel pretty similar in your ass, but you'd definitely be able to tell the difference with your mouth? and tbh liu qingge has mostly been thinking about binghe's dick in his ass. this may be partially because it is too painful to think about the times he got to suck off shen qingqiu but he's not thinking about that. so he's like sure, why not

and two succubi give it a shot (one who has a dick and one who has a strap) but eventually are like "you don't feel very into this" and liu qingge is like "sorry, you're...very sexy? idk what's wrong" and one of them is like, more up on gossip and is like "um, please forgive me if i'm overstepping, but...weren't you having sex with junshang and his husband?" and the other one is like OH maybe that's what it is! maybe you're one of those people who needs feelings to be involved! humans are like that sometimes i hear. (liu qingge is like ??? is everyone not like that??? and meanwhile the other demoness is like ??? is that real? that sounds fake)

and liu qingge is like. leaving the succubi's slightly less sexually frustrated and slightly more emotionally frustrated when madam meiyin is like WAIT, ESTEEMED CULTIVATOR *pant pant* damn, you're fast. i have a distant cousin who is an incubus, he lives at the edge of the endless abyss, maybe you should give him a visit?

liu qingge is like "thanks but i don't see why that would work any better" and madam meiyin is like "no you don't get it he lives alone at the edge of the abyss, he's a fucking freak by succubus standards, i'm not even totally sure how he survives so isolated. like i don't know what he can eat out there. he might match your freak, is what i'm saying" and liu qingge is like. well. there's no denying my one romantic interest is a fucking freak, so maybe that IS my type.

so liu qingge asks shang qinghua for a favor, and shang qinghua is perhaps a little disappointed it's a research favor and not a sexy favor (he designed liu qingge to be pretty! it's not a crime to think watching his husband rail liu qingge would be hot!!!) but he comes through in like a comically short amount of time, and then liu qingge flies off to the right section of the demon realm and like. knocks on a random incubus's door

the incubus is like "wtf who are you, what do you want, why is a human here" and liu qingge is like "i'm liu qingge and i'm here to court you" and the incubus is like "...you're....liu qingge....the bai zhan war god......and you're here to...kill me?" and liu qingge is like what are you, stupid? i said COURT. i wouldn't have knocked if i was here to kill you. and the incubus is like oh obviously, i should have known, my bad, why would i think anything else. (liu qingge just about manages to notice that that is sarcasm.) and then he's like. okay but we don't know each other and also i thought you hated demons?

liu qingge is like *shrug* turns out demons are pretty much the same as humans. i don't like most humans either but i wouldn't say i HATE them. it's mostly Luo binghe i hate.

the incubus is like YEAH THAT'S ANOTHER THING the last thing i heard you were supposed to be, um, involved??? with the emperor and his wife??? but then before liu qingge can respond he's like, ah, shit, where are my manners, come in, i'll make tea, since we are apparently having a conversation, and like. liu qingge thinks, okay that is a little cute.

so they go in and sit down and it's like a very normal little hut, in the middle of nowhere, on the edge of the endless abyss, and perhaps other people would be like "this is very peculiar" but liu qingge is like "this is pretty nice" and finally they get done with pleasantries and pouring tea and liu qingge is like, yeah so. i don't like luo binghe and he doesn't like me but i AM in love with his husband and he would put up with anything for his husband, and HE liked fucking both of us, but it made me absolutely miserable, so now we're not doing it anymore, but also i got real used to getting mad laid. (and also am lonely, he does not say, but i think it might be obvious anyway)

the incubus is like, i GUESS i see how that can lead to you ending up at my door but ??? how did you even know where i was? and liu qingge is like. well i tried to have sex with succubi but. it felt really weird and i couldn't get into it because i don't like them. and the incubus is like, okay then we go back to my earlier point re: we don't know each other? and liu qingge is like "yeah that's why i said i wanted to COURT you, not that i wanted to fuck right away"

and like. this solitary incubus is not prepared for this man. he's like. fine. okay. i guess that makes sense. you're in love with the demon empress and you want to date a demon to get over him. liu qingge is like, i mean i do miss the sex, it was just hard to get into it with the succubi. but idk how interested i am in women anyway. the incubus is like, well sure, you WOULD miss the sex, junshang is a heavenly demon and his husband is a renowned beauty, i'm sure when it wasn't torture it was awesome. liu qingge is like yes, pretty much

and the incubus is like, SO ADDITIONAL CONCERN: you're going to be disappointed with me then. and liu qingge is like ? why? i mean you're pretty, and you're a demon, so surely you have the stamina, and the incubus is like, oh compared to a human or most kinds of demons, sure, that's fine, but like. did anyone tell you WHY i live out here alone? and liu qingge is like nah, madam meiyin just said you were her cousin and a weirdo, and the incubus sighs. and is like. okay i'll just show you, and he gets up, and pulls up his robe and pushes down his pants, and there is his junk, right there at eye level, and it's--

well. it is. not what liu qingge was expecting. from his knowledge of demon dicks. luo binghe is ridiculously hung, obviously, but shang qinghua was not discreet about getting together with MBJ and the. difficulties that accompanied it. and like presumably the succubus who had a dick wasn't unusual. the straps were all like, liu qingge's size or bigger. the incubus's dick is like. small. like, would be small on a human small. like liu qingge has never really considered being embarrassed about any part of his body, and finds it somewhat baffling that people are ever, but he's thinking okay yeah he could see a human being a little defensive of that. but out loud he's like, i mean it gets bigger, right? and the incubus is like NOT A LOT, MY GUY. BOTH OF MY SISTERS' CLITS ARE BIGGER THAN THIS. i mean i guess i'm bigger than one of them when it's hard but again: not by a lot!!! so he pulls his clothes back on and sits down and is like, so i don't know that i can really help you with the. replacing sex with junshang and his husband thing? i mean he's a heavenly demon, right, they're all supposed to be hung. and then he frowns and mutters, although incubi are all supposed to be hung too...

liu qingge is like no you're right, his dick is a weapon. but like...idk, i don't think that was the important part? it was--i mean it was way way worse when shen qingqiu did it. but. physically. it was. just as good if not better? and i mean, you've got hands and a mouth, right? and dildos exist. it's fine.

the incubus is like really? really really? you don't think it defeats the purpose of courting an incubus in order to have a sex partner? and liu qingge is like ??? no? the point of courting an incubus is that you're a demon who is probably open to having sex with humans. and is not involved in sect or court politics already, he adds, because there is a reason he went to the succubi instead of shang qinghua or luo binghe. (the idea of asking luo binghe to set him up with someone was just. no. shang qinghua was only slightly better after his weird attempts to cheer liu qingge up by offering threesomes but at least he wasn't luo binghe.)

and the incubus is like oh. um. okay. then. i guess that's all my objections taken care of! haha! what next! and liu qingge is like. uhhh. idk, how does demon courtship work? and the incubus makes a face and is like, i don't know that anyone really expects incubi and succubi to...court? because most demons like. hunt and kill shit for each other. but i can't. ...i mean i assume you don't want me to seduce another human and bring them back here for a threesome?

liu qingge is like ew no. i mean the threesome thing was fine, it was good, i just. you know. then i wouldn't know THEM. BUT I CAN DEFINITELY KILL THINGS FOR YOU, YOU WANT BEASTS? and the incubus is like. until this exact moment i would have said no but now that you're offering...i kind of do? and liu qingge is like oh i am going to get SUCH a good grade in demon courtship, and leaves without saying goodbye.

he returns several days later with the bloody corpse of something very impressive and the incubus is like. okay we need to work on some stuff but yeah, no, that's hot! wow! and liu qingge is like ^u^

so their first date is probably butchering this enormous demonic creature. and liu qingge is like "oh don't you want the meat?" and the incubus is like "uh, no? it's nasty as fuck?" and liu qingge is like "meh, not as bad as some things i've eaten" and the incubus is like UH I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS *POISONOUS* TO HUMANS? and liu qingge is like meh, i'm a cultivator, and the incubus is like oh i see. yes. you are insane. that explains a lot about...everything i've ever heard about you. (but again: kind of hot by demon standards! just shrugging off his physical limitations like it's nbd!)

anyway when they eventually have sex it's fine that inky's dick isn't enormous, it's enough to reach liu qingge's prostate and he can go just as long as luo binghe, except instead of it being to show off to shen qingqiu or taunt liu qingge, it's because he likes liu qingge and finds him sexy, and that feels soooo much better to liu qingge. then they switch and inky is like holy shit we're never doing it the other way again, i want to live the rest of my life with your dick inside me, and liu qingge is like. i hope that's. dirty talk. and not sincere. because i really want you to fuck me again. and the incubus is like aww, bb. of course i'm not serious, i'll take good care of you...sometimes.

and that is the story of how liu qingge gets a demon boyfriend who is way lower status than him and also perfect as far as liu qingge is concerned.

bingliushen fuck or die + angst

this outline is like. detailed narrative smut, then a silly argument, and then it kind of peters out because i don't know where i was going with this, i'm just incapable of being horny without crafting a narrative about it

okay we open with a standard sex pollen + trapped somewhere or whatever scenario with lqg the one hit (presumably bc he took a blow for sqq or lbh) and sqq is like oh well um yes i do know the cure but also um. and both lbh and lqg are like just spit it out and sqq is like aaaa he needs to...finish...in someone else's body

and lbh just looks at lqg and is like I FUCKING DARE YOU TO SAY SOMETHING and lqg is just like. well it would be fine if i died but i'm not really into taking down sqq with me...or lbh i guess but mostly sqq...and lbh is like shizun when you say in someone else's body, how "inside" are we talking

and sqq is like. well in the novel it was definitely a creampie but that was only after curing the curse with oral sex so he's like due to the magic mumbo jumbo, idk if a hand would work but a mouth definitely would? and lbh is like. fine, i'll do it

and sqq is like BINGHE NO DON'T LOWER YOURSELF IT'S FINE I'LL DO IT and binghe just immediately turns on the crocodile tears and is like shizun i couldn't STAND watching you pleasure another man...even to save our lives...please forgive this husband for betraying you and being so selfish....

and liu qingge is like. i'm in hell.

(i think maybe this needs to be in liu qingge's perspective bc we need to see binghe's scheming but we also need to. know how distressing and confusing liu qingge finds all this)

and lbh is like. perfectly willing to make this a businesslike blowjob, except he notices sqq is. interested. and then he immediately turns into a porn star and liu qingge is like holy shit. holy shit. oh my god.

so lbh sucks lqg's soul out through his dick, and then while lqg is trying to catch his breath and recover from a very stressful loss of virginity, sqq is like ...binghe...><...could you give me a hand...

and lqg would leave and give them privacy but his legs aren't working yet because he's never come that hard in his fucking life, so now he's awkwardly trying not to look at sqq and lbh making out, and not hear lbh being extremely filthy with his dirty talk, and then lbh yells his name like he's tried to get his attention a couple of times (he has) and lqg looks over and there's sqq half-undressed, with his dick out, and lbh is like shishu come kiss my husband

lqg is like WHAT

lbh is like. well it seems like shizun didn't just like watching me suck another man's cock, it seems like he found liu-shishu himself attractive. so get over here and help me get him off. (he's probably slightly less polite in this exchange than he would be in front of sqq, but sqq is. dickmatized. he's too horny to care about what lbh is saying or how he says it)

so lqg creeps over and keeps checking with lbh, who is like "get on with it", and kisses sqq, and is totally taken by surprise by the wanton moaning into his mouth that happens

sqq is so out of it it literally takes him a minute to realize there are two mouths on his body right now and binghe only has one mouth and he's like AH SHIDI? and lqg is about to flee, but lbh grabs him and looks up from sqq's dick and is like "shizun, don't you think shishu is pretty? didn't you like watching him come?" and sqq blusters and stammers, and lbh is like "shishu, you don't mind do you?" and lqg blusters and stammers, and lbh is like "great, i'm going to go back to sucking dick now"

and every time lqg goes to do something, he looks at sqq, and sqq looks at lbh, and lbh just like. pinches or pokes lqg or something. so lqg kisses sqq, and touches his neck, and his chest, and kisses down his body, and sucks on his nipple, and sqq obviously comes (and lbh is obviously smug and delighted about it), and then sqq recovers way faster than lqg did and is like WELL THAT'S ONE CURSE BROKEN, I'LL JUST HEAD BACK, BINGHE YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF THE CLEAN-UP RIGHT, HELP YOUR SHISHU and books it

and lbh is like. well i'm going to see if that's something he wants when he's not zonked out of his mind on lust, don't fucking touch him again until i tell you it's okay, and then also leaves

and lqg is like ???

*

lqg is totally willing to just. accept that weird things happen sometimes. like, the sex pollen and fuck or die things are relatively commonplace (more so around sqq) and weird things happen around both sqq and lbh, and lbh obviously only did that because he thought sqq wanted it, and...it seemed like sqq did enjoy himself...which was nice...but it means nothing and is never going to happen again so he's just going to stop thinking about it!

and then lbh shows up on bai zhan peak and is like. okay he's into it, come to dinner

and lqg is like ??? you want me to have sex with your husband? you don't even like me? why would i do this?

lbh is like. okay you're not this stupid usually. i do not want you to have sex with my husband, i was thinking i would have sex with you in front of him, he liked that well enough last time. whether or not i like you has nothing to do with whether shizun finds you attractive? and shizun should have everything he wants, ergo, shizun should have you. idk he's always been weirdly insistent that i should have a harem, maybe he'll shut up about it if we're having sex. and you would do this because there's no other way you're going to be with him and you also want him to have what he wants, don't you?

and like. well. now lqg is feeling uncomfortably Seen. and also like he has things in common with lbh. neither of which he likes.

he goes to dinner.

he gets to make out with sqq, which is nice, and then he gets fucked by lbh, which is. a pretty intense experience! it's physically enjoyable and he gets to see how much sqq likes watching it, which is a lot, and he comes, and then he's just kind of there while sqq and lbh have lovey-dovey sex, and he's like ohhhhh this sucks i don't like this actually

but the next invitation comes from sqq, and he's so cheerful and happy about it that lqg doesn't say anything, and sqq dares to suggest maybe they could try it the other way around, so lqg fucks binghe and binghe is. way more into it than lqg expected him to be actually. like he's crying and lqg doesn't think the tears are fake. lbh appears to be having some kind of fucking Realization and lqg does not want to be there, except sqq is super into it and so is lqg's dick, so he's like. well. mama didn't raise no quitter, anyway

and it's like. sqq is treating him like normal, like a friend, and being cute, and then suggesting filthy things to do together, and lqg does like. get off on it. it's sex. it's nice. except then inevitably there comes the part of the evening where sqq and lbh have basically forgotten about him and are in their own little world, which is annoying enough when lqg is just laying there coming down, but is excruciating when (eg) one of them is using him like a sex toy. like yes it's hot when sqq fucks his mouth while he and lbh make out but it doesn't make lqg happy

and eventually lqg is like. yeah okay enough is enough, this is not working for me, and he makes sure to find sqq some time when lbh is off in the demon realm or something, and is like. sqq please tell your husband you don't want to have sex with me anymore.

and sqq is like >///< excuse me? shidi?

lqg is like. i don't. want to do it anymore.

and sqq is like omg shidi i'm so sorry i thought--i mean you always seemed to enjoy yourself...

and lqg has to clarify like. no it's. physically it's. pleasurable. but it makes me feel. bad. emotionally.

and sqq is like oh. um. i'm sorry. and they just like sit there for a while. and then sqq is like why don't you tell binghe yourself, though?

and lqg is like oh my god you stupid motherfucker. (he does not say that but that's the emotion he experiences) you know lbh doesn't even like me, right? i don't know if he even finds me attractive. he's doing this for you.

and sqq is like I'M SURE I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN

and lqg is like aaaaaaaaaaaaa shixiong. please. yes you do. he realized you...find the two of us together pleasing...and that's why he brought me into your bed. it is completely and entirely because you like it. he would not do it if not for you. (he does not say, i would not do it if not for you) if i try to tell him i'm not doing it anymore, it's...not going to work. (sqq probably assumes this means they'll fight about it, but lqg is kind of more concerned that lbh will just. tell him more things about how he feels about sqq. devastating) and i know other cultivators sometimes say you don't care about anyone's feelings but lbh's but i know that's not true and i am asking you, as a friend, to please convince your husband you don't want to have sex with me anymore.

and lqg is like. phew. god that was too many feelings, i need to go kill something

MEANWHILE sqq runs to an ding peak and is like CUCUMBER AM I A BAD PERSON?

without missing a beat sqh is like yeah

except instead of sniping back sqq is like. oh. i see. and starts shuffling off sadly

so sqh has to be like oh my god i didn't MEAN it you turned my fearsome demon emperor into a spoiled housewife through the power of love, you are clearly not a bad person, what is wrong

and sqq is like. okay so you remember the FOD plot device

and sqh is like bro you must know the answer is no

and sqq sighs and is like. the blowjob curse. that then ended up with a creampie anyway. because you're a hack.

and sqh is like oh lmao yeah that one, what about it

sqq is like. well. so. um. liu shidi got hit with it? while we were on a hunt?

and sqh is like oh shit, how did lbh take that news

sqq is like umm. he was there. so. pretty good i guess?

and sqh is like. *eyes narrow*

sqq is like so binghe sucked him off but it was--i mean liu shidi is very pretty! and i like watching binghe do things he's good at! so i got kind of horny! and then binghe noticed that, of course, and um. we've kind of been having threesomes with lqg for the last six months but earlier lqg said he didn't want to do it anymore because it hurt his feelings??? and i never even noticed he was having any kind of feelings about it at all, i thought--i mean. you know.

sqh is like cucumber, no one in this world or the last knows what the fuck you mean when you say things like that. i have NO IDEA what you thought because WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING what the FUCK have you been doing what the FUCK. what the fuck.

sqq is like shidi said binghe was only even doing it for me! and he didn't even want shidi! which is ridiculous, right? i mean he's so pretty. but why would binghe like. why would he. i mean i did like watching them but that's. i assumed that was a bonus, not like. the point.

sqh is like. i am not qualified to talk about most of that but i can tell you, luo binghe would do literally anything if he thought it was what you wanted. if he really thought you wanted him to have a harem, he would have a harem. if he thought you really wanted him to kill himself, he would fucking kill himself. and if he thought you wanted a harem, he would start rounding up every person you'd ever said was attractive and grilling them to see if they were trustworthy. so yeah, i'm not surprised you expressed attraction to the one other person in the world as in love with you as luo binghe is and luo binghe was like. i guess it's time to suffer through threesomes for shizun

and sqq is like WHAT

and sqh is like oh my god. oh my GOD. are you telling me you didn't KNOW? WHY DID YOU THINK IT HURT HIS FEELINGS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND

and sqq is like i don't know! i hadn't gotten that far!!! i thought maybe he liked binghe and was sad binghe didn't like him back???

sqh is like you are so fucking stupid. i cannot believe you have two of the most powerful men in the world fighting for your attention. except...i guess i did kind of write pidw with a lot of attractive bimbos in it...is it my fault actually??? is it my fault you're irresistible??? i assume you died a virgin neet irl since that's what my audience was so you could hardly have been irresistible then....

and sqq is like. well everything is your fault so yes, but also, i am not a bimbo what is wrong with you

i think at this point they just like. devolve into inane squabbling over petty bullshit and completely forget the actual emotional crisis sqq came there with.

[qzwrites]

alright i have shared the first two chapters of Payment In Kind with my mom, which i guess means if you're down to beta read/help edit serialized erotica about

defeating the demon lord

using sexual favors to recruit adventuring companions

polyamory and/or found family

the dangers of mistranslation in language-based magic

hmu?

[qzwrites]

i have two stories that are similar levels of almost finished but i can't decide which one to work on and try and finish for the december issue of s2b2

chain reactions, which is a fantasy story about the aftermath of a young trans teacher having to treat one of his students' exposure to sex pollen, which is complicated by it not resolving normally, and the relationship he and the school's healer strike up while working on this case

the more tentatively titled "the annoying coworker" which is a contemporary story and. structurally weirder, I guess, because it has three POV characters kind of relaying (in the sense of a relay race) the story of a latent bisexual hooking up with his openly queer coworker, realizing he's both bi and kinky, and then asking out that coworker's nonbinary best friend

chain reactions has an actual plot i have to finish up but the relationship arc is mostly solidified, but the annoying coworker needs a sex scene i have no idea how to write, although to be honest the relationship arc is mostly finished there too, i just need to wrap up the new kinks character thread

the annoying coworker is also uhh tangentially related to for want of a physicist lmao, jubal is the first pov character and athy is the nonbinary best friend and third pov character

(...chain reactions kind of started its life as killing type fanfiction, which was itself based in fe3h)

[qzwrites]

working some more on payment in kind today, i realized that one obvious side effect of Arai having Second Sight and using it without realizing it...is that he is uncannily good at "guessing" people's genders at distances and in circumstances no one could actually make a reasonable guess.

like, fuck it, this is an intangible quality human beings have that is not necessarily but often represented in their physical manifestation. gender is visible with second sight. no one knows this or will do anything with this, but it will amuse me to have arai consistently gender strangers well before beale and taryn do, and always get it right.

[qzwrites]

bernie's future wife

i decided a long time ago that bernie wound up marrying an asexual woman from the trading flotilla. considering bernie is "ayla's" (in the same way hari is mara's and lind is nic's) i then thought about what bernie's wife's relationship with ayla specifically might be. so here's raisa!

---

Raisa was sitting in the courtyard, letting the water from the roof drip onto her legs before it reached the thirsty plants below. It was interesting, how every bit of the village seemed to have multiple purposes. Some of the roofs collected rainwater, some of the roofs charged heat-stones, some of the roofs were little gardens themselves. It didn't have a unified aesthetic, except for how it had all been built by the same hands.

Raisa loved this village. She had since the first time she was allowed to come, instead of hanging back with the nanny ship. It was so eclectic and alive and lived-in. This village had never been taken over by a gang of rich people and turned to their interests, or sucked dry by an entitled noble, or run ahead of its own resource production until it dried up and began to decay. It was a mish-mash of aesthetics and purposes, unified by the desire to help everyone.

She wasn't sure how much the villagers would want her around, after the fight she'd just had with Bernie. Bernie was one of the headwoman's kids, which meant she was also one of the Destroyer's kids. They were beloved by the entire village, but the anger of the two most important people in the village--one of whom was a literal god!--was the real danger. She didn't think they'd tell the fleet to fuck off, but they might ask the captains to not have Raisa come.

She was near tears again before she realized it.

She loved this village, of course, but she was really upset about Bernie. She'd tried so hard not to mess things up this time. She'd tried so hard.

"Hey, Raisa," someone called. Raisa looked up to see it was Bernie's mother, the village headwoman. Raisa couldn't help cringing a little.

The village headwoman, who, like the rest of her village, didn't seem to have a family name and therefore everyone simply called Ayla, didn't seem to notice. She beckoned Raisa and said, "Come take a walk with me."

She was in for it now, Raisa thought, but it wasn't like she didn't get it. She'd be pissed at someone for fighting with Bernie too, if she wasn't the one doing it. She glumly got to her feet and followed Ayla down the street to the fields.

They walked in silence for a few minutes. The moist ground smelled greener than the dankest parts of a ship. Some of the other members of the fleet didn't like it, but Raisa always had. Sure, it meant she wasn't on the sea, but it meant she was on good land, at least.

As they reached the far end of the fields, where they'd be able to see anyone approaching them from pretty far away, well before they could be overheard, Ayla said, "So Bernie told me you had a fight."

Raisa sighed. "Yes, ma'am," she said.

Ayla frowned at her. "I'm not going to yell at you," she said. "Or I don't intend to, at least. You've been to enough family dinners now, I think you know I'm not always prepared to get so...worked up."

"Yes, ma'am," Raisa said. "Thank you."

"Do you like having sex with Bernie?" Ayla asked.

Raisa hesitated, because Ayla would hardly be asking if Bernie hadn't told her about the fight. "I don't hate it," she said.

Ayla sighed. "Kiddo," she murmured. Which was a little condescending, Raisa was twenty-eight, but Ayla had been running this village since she was nineteen, and she was old enough to be Raisa's mother.

When Raisa started dating Bernie, people asked her if she was intimidated to be dating one of Mara's children, and did she worry about being smited if she fucked something up. Which was silly, because for all that Mara was the god of destruction, he was a harmless funny uncle as far as Raisa was concerned. She just couldn't square the idea of Mara the Destroyer with the man who used to toss rocks up into the air and disintegrate them with magic to entertain children. But it was also that Bernie wasn't Mara's kid. Like, she literally was, he was her father, there was no denying that, but Bernie was first and foremost her mother's daughter. Hari was the one stuck to Mara like glue, and Lind was very much Nic's. Bernie was Ayla's.

Anyway, Ayla did all the negotiating with the captains, and even though she never introduced herself as such, all the other villagers looked to her for decisions because she was the village headwoman. Raisa had the impression they made their decisions more collectively, much like a ship did, then had Ayla act as their captain to speak to outsiders and do business. And Ayla was a temperamental and stubborn leader. Raisa never wanted to get on her bad side.

"Kiddo," Ayla murmured. "Did it never occur to you that you don't have to have sex with your girlfriend?"

"Of course I do," Raisa said. "That's what being someone's girlfriend is."

"Oh, yikes," Ayla said. "Are you saying you're only dating my daughter to get in her pants?"

Raisa flushed. "No, of course not," she said.

"Then you think she's only dating you to get in your pants," Ayla said.

"No," Raisa said. "That's not what I meant at all."

"So sex isn't all there is to dating, then."

"No, but it's one of the things people expect," Raisa said.

"And you can tell people to stop expecting it," Ayla said. "It's actually pretty easy."

"Easy for you to say," Raisa muttered, aware she sounded sullen but unable to help it.

Ayla laughed. "Gods," she said. "Bernie really ought to have learned from Hari and Fatima's example," she said, shaking her head. "Raisa, do you know why Bernie asked me to talk to you? Instead of Nic or Mara, hell, even Hari or Lind?"

"She's your favorite," Raisa said. "Or...vice-versa, at least."

"Fair, but not why she came to me," Ayla said. If Raisa had said that about any of the parents in the fleet, they would have denied it, even when it was obvious. That was just one of the things she liked about the village, that they didn't deny obvious things just because they were distasteful. Usually, that made them less distasteful. Ayla went on, "When she calmed down, she realized what you were saying sounded a lot like things I used to say."

Raisa frowned. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"It sounded to her like you don't like having sex with her," Ayla said, "shh, I'm not done--because it sounds like you don't really like having sex with anyone."

"It's fine," Raisa said.

"Kiddo, I don't even have a sex drive and I don't think sex is supposed to just be 'fine'," Ayla said.

Raisa looked over at her, frowning. "What do you mean," she asked, "you don't have a sex drive?"

"I mean I have never in my life looked at someone and thought, ooh, I need some of that," Ayla said. "No, not even Mara or Nic. I didn't have sex at all until I was older than you are now, which was a good twelve years into our marriage. Or, twelve years into Nic and Mara's marriage, which none of us realized functionally included me too."

"What?" Raisa asked. "But you--I mean, I've heard you have sex with them."

Ayla chuckled. "Never say that around Nic," she said. "Ze'd die. Yes, I do have sex with them now. Not as often as they have sex with each other, because I still don't want it the way they do. I don't think about it all the time, which I'm pretty sure Nic would if ze wasn't always tinkering with something. I do it because it makes them happy, and it's fun, but it's also on my terms, which I'm pretty sure lots of people would think didn't even count as sex."

"What?" Raisa asked again.

Ayla was quiet for a few moments. Raisa waited for her to collect her thoughts. "For a long time," Ayla said eventually, "I thought the fact that I didn't want to have sex meant I could never be in a relationship. I figured it wouldn't be worth it to someone else. I thought they'd think I was childish, or selfish, or that I didn't actually like them."

Raisa found tears swarming her eyes again. "You did?" she asked.

"Gods, did I ever," Ayla said. She shook her head. "My first village, growing up--even though we were heretics because of the farming, it was very strict in other ways. I can't imagine anyone there ever accepting Nic wasn't a woman, or Lind not being a man. They'd only be alright with Hari and Fatima if they pretended Fatima was a man." For a second, Raisa couldn't even understand why they'd choose to think Fatima was a man instead of Hari; it had been so long since Fatima swapped. Ayla went on, "They told me for years that I was being childish and selfish, for not being interested in any of the village boys, and wishing my friends would stop pairing off."

"Oh," Raisa said. "I had no idea."

"Of course not," Ayla said. "If someone tried to say that in our village, we'd have Mara toss them into the ocean. Same as we'd do with anyone who tried to insinuate Nic is 'really' a woman, or that Chiamaka should settle down with a man and have kids of her own. But that's the sort of thing that made me think there was no point in even talking to Nic and Mara about how it made me feel when they started dating. Even if you discounted the fact that I was supposed to have feelings for one of them, not both of them--what was even the point, when they already had each other, and I couldn't offer the whole girlfriend experience anyway? Why would they even bother?"

"I really don't mind having sex," Raisa said. "I do like making Bernie feel good. It's just so exhausting."

"Then you should tell her that," Ayla said. "Because right now, she thinks you hate her."

"I could never!" Raisa said. "I love her, I want to be with her, I--" She just managed to stop herself from telling Bernie's mother that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Bernie before she told Bernie directly. "It's just, sometimes it feels like that's all she wants from me, especially when we've been apart. And I know that's not true, it just...feels that way sometimes. And. You're right, I don't think other people feel this way about their girlfriends. I know most of the people in the Fleet are just as excited for that reunion sex when they get back to port as Bernie is. But she doesn't have another person to have sex with when I'm not there, and I don't know how I'd feel about that anyway."

"No, but you don't even know if that's something she would want or ask for," Ayla said. "Because you haven't actually talked to her about this."

"But--but what if it means she doesn't want me anymore?" Raisa asked.

Ayla set her hand on Raisa's shoulder. Quietly, she said, "If you had to lie to her to keep her interested, it wasn't a very good fit, then, was it?"

Raisa started crying. "I don't want to break up," she said. "I've never felt this way about anyone before. I don't want to lose it."

"There's a whole slew of things in between 'saying what you think she wants to hear' and 'breaking up forever'," Ayla said. "I don't know what she's willing to give up to keep you, but neither do you, huh? You should talk to her about it before you jump right to 'breaking up'."

Raisa sniffled. "Like what?" she asked. "I can't ask her to never have sex."

"Sure you can," Ayla said. "I went fourteen years sleeping with Nic and Mara without having sex with them. They still agreed I was the mother of their children and their wife."

"But like you said, they have each other," Raisa said.

"Sure, but you can still ask," Ayla said. "If that's something Bernie can't do, you look for the next compromise that might work for both of you. Say she can have casual sex with other people but not date them, or try and figure out a way to make sex less of a chore for you, or see if having sex less often helps you focus on the parts you like without the rest getting annoying. I'm sure there's other things I'm not thinking of that the two of you can come up with." She squeezed Raisa's shoulder. "At least then, you will have tried. Honestly, without trying to be something you're not."

Raisa wiped her eyes with the back of one hand. "I thought you'd be mad at me," she said.

"For what, trying to be what you thought a good girlfriend was?" Ayla asked.

"At least for lying," Raisa said.

Ayla sighed again. "Kiddo," she said. "There were times I wished I hadn't told everyone in the village I wasn't going to fuck them, so I could have tried to put up with it, for Nic or Mara's sake. Nic never told zeir parents ze wasn't a girl. Danny spent years trying to make himself be interested in women. It's not great for your relationship that you felt like you had to lie, but feeling like that, like you had to, makes it a lot harder to be mad about."

After a while, Raisa asked, "How do you do it? How do you...make yourself believe they don't mind?"

"It helps that they didn't for fourteen years," Ayla said. "But we've talked about it, when we first agreed we were all married, and since then. They gave me time and space to figure out what I might actually be okay with, and they didn't try to prod me into things for their sake. And they trust me when I say I like having sex with them even though I don't find them sexy and don't want them touching me, so the least I can do is trust them when they say they love me whether or not we have sex."

"That sounds terrifying," Raisa said.

Ayla laughed again. "Well, there is a reason it took fourteen years," she said. "I didn't even know where to start. Nic and Mara both tried, at least once, to let me know there was a place for me with them if I wanted it, but I couldn't believe they meant it, or knew what it sounded like. And they didn't want to push, since the first thing I said about it was that I wasn't interested and they shouldn't bother hitting on me." She nudged Raisa's arm. "You have the advantage that we tried really hard to make this a village where it was safe to be weird when it doesn't hurt anyone."

"But it could hurt her," Raisa said.

"Unfortunately, you already hurt her," Ayla said. "But also: you not wanting to fuck someone doesn't hurt them. It just doesn't. If they hear you don't want to fuck them and get upset about it, that's their problem, not yours. You hurt Bernie by not telling her the truth, and letting her think you weren't attracted to her anymore. Not by being less into sex than she is."

"Can I--" She cut herself off. She didn't have any right to ask that, not of Ayla. But then, who else could she ask? Any of the other villagers would ask Ayla her opinion anyway. Raisa took a deep, shaky breath, and then another that was less shaky. She asked, "If--if it doesn't work with Bernie, can I still come here? Can I still visit?"

Ayla stopped walking and pulled Raisa into a hug. "Oh, you little idiot," she murmured. "Of course you can."

Raisa's eyes filled with tears again. "Really?" she asked.

"You'd have to do a lot worse than just breaking up with my daughter to get kicked out of this village," Ayla said. She squeezed Raisa. "What matters is that you let people do their own thing and try to get along. And I know you can do that."

Raisa nodded into Ayla's shoulder, not quite trusting herself to speak.

Ayla took a step back, keeping her hands on Raisa's arms. "Now you go tell Bernie what you told me and figure out what you're going to try that's in between lying and keeping secrets and breaking up forever, okay? I know it's scary. But you deserve a relationship where you can be yourself."

Raisa nodded.

[qzwrites]

Once again, I have gotten several thousand words deep into a story and had a line where one of the two speculated about what would have happened if they met earlier, and then...become obsessed with writing that idea down too. WHOOPS. I just think...what if trans characters realized they were trans sooner. And how would that change things. Especially on Kavagor.

So here's Maria drawing too much attention to herself and accidentally getting fucked into a gender realization.

My main Yuri/Maria file is 25k; this is only 11k of the 16k i have written of the AU where they meet in their 20s instead of their 50s/60s

(warnings for uhh let's go with eroticized violence, under-negotiated kink, dubious consent, and misgendering. and homophobia i guess.)

---

Kasharik was late getting to the bar. When he arrived, he had his arm around the shoulder of a stringy young man who looked very uncomfortable. The stringy young man also had bruised knuckles and a split lip, although the rest of his face looked fine. He was not nearly as good-looking as the men Kasharik typically had on his arm or at his side, which meant there was some other reason Kasharik brought him.

"Sir," Yuri said when Kasharik got to their table. "Who's this?"

"Ivanov here," Kasharik said, pushing Ivanov into the booth ahead of him where he'd be trapped up against the wall, "just won the mixed-weight UAC tournament very handily."

That did make the plain, stringy man more interesting. "Did he," Yuri said, giving him another, more careful look. He had dark hair, deeply-set eyes, and a dimpled chin. Yuri supposed his stringiness might translate to lean muscle. He was probably faster than Yuri.

"Yeah," Ivanov said, proud even through his sullen discomfort.

"Get us some drinks, would you?" Kasharik said to Yuri, pulling out his wallet and passing Yuri a large bill.

"What'll you have?" Yuri asked Ivanov.

Ivanov frowned. "Beer," he said.

Kasharik rolled his eyes. "Not specific enough, darling."

Ivanov looked at Yuri's glass, which had sweated a ring onto the table in the time it took Kasharik to show up. He looked back up at Yuri, then said, "Whatever you're having."

Well, it was no surprise Ivanov could tell Yuri wasn't a commissioned officer even out of uniform. Yuri grunted acknowledgement, and got up to go to the bar.

As he returned to the table carrying drinks, Ivanov was protesting to Kasharik, "I'm not gay, though."

"Neither's Arevin, last time I checked," Kasharik said mildly. Yuri set his glass down in front of him, and Kasharik gave him the barest nod of acknowledgement.

Yuri wasn't gay, but he wasn't sure it was fair to say he was straight, either. Bisexual, maybe, like Kasharik's ex always said. At least, he was happy enough to fuck men, since it meant at least he was fucking someone. He wasn't sure if he would have sought it out, but mostly because he wasn't great at normal social interactions; figuring out if a guy was interested was a complicated endeavor in most environments. How he felt about it seemed like a distant second in importance.

"Oh, come on," Ivanov scoffed. "You know I don't mean fucking 'homosexual', I mean queer. I'm not interested in men at all."

"Really," Kasharik said, uninterestedly. He was being a dick. Despite finding it obnoxious, Yuri often enjoyed when Kasharik was dickish, because it meant he was going to have a fun night.

"Here," Yuri said, sliding Ivanov's beer across the table as he sat down. "You being offensive to Lord Kasharik now?"

"No," Ivanov said, although he glanced at Kasharik nervously. "I don't mean there's something wrong with it or nothing," he said. "Folks should be as gay or queer or whatever as they want. I'm just not."

"Shame," Yuri said, taking a sip of his beer. Kasharik smiled. He was handsome, and he had a nice smile. He liked it when Yuri picked up on what Kasharik wanted him to do without him having to spell it out. That was difficult with most people, but not Kasharik.

"Why's that?" Ivanov asked, wary and suspicious.

"Most folks can't handle me in a fight," Yuri said. "And I've kind of wanted to go right from a fight to a fuck since milord first brought it up."

Ivanov stared at him for a moment, then scoffed again. "I could take you," he said. He turned a little pink as he sipped his beer, though.

"That is why you caught my eye," Kasharik said. He shrugged and picked up his glass. "But if you're not interested in men, I suppose it might be awkward, with the sergeant so…responsive to violence."

Yuri wished he wouldn't say it that way. That sounded like he couldn't keep a handle of himself. No one had ever realized before Kasharik how horny fighting made him, which Yuri thought made it pretty clear he wasn't at the mercy of his baser instincts.

"Hell, I wouldn't hold it against him," Ivanov said. He was still a little flushed. Interesting that he hadn't been embarrassed denying he was interested in men, which lots of closet cases were, but now that the link between sex and violence had been brought up, he was affected. Promising, perhaps? He went on, "Plenty of guys get worked up rolling around on the ground. Not my business if he jerks off after I beat his ass."

Kasharik laughed. "You don't know when to stop, do you, Ivanov?" he asked.

Ivanov shrugged. "I beat the best of the best today," he said. "I feel pretty good about my chances."

"Do you?" Kasharik asked. If Ivanov knew Kasharik the way Yuri knew Kasharik, he would have been on alert for bullshit, but he didn't. "Good enough to make a little wager?"

"Hell yeah," Ivanov said. "I could use some extra cash."

"Hmm," Kasharik said. "I wasn't thinking about money."

"Well I was," Ivanov retorted. "I got bills to pay. My lord," he added as an afterthought.

Yuri felt himself smile into his glass. Ivanov did have guts, at least.

Kasharik laughed again. "I'm sure you do," he said. "Fine, we can have it both ways, can't we? If you can beat Arevin in a fight--let's say tourney rules--I'll give you five hundred marks. And if Arevin wins, he gets to fuck you."

Ivanov glanced at Yuri again. He looked alarmed, but possibly also intrigued, now. Yuri had to admit he would enjoy fucking him. Ivanov studied Yuri for a moment, then turned back to Kasharik and said, "Well, why not? I could use the money."

"You're not at all worried about what will happen if you lose?" Kasharik asked. "I wouldn't want you to feel taken advantage of or ill-used." He was so full of shit; he didn't care one whit if Ivanov felt used or taken advantage of. He just didn't want to deal with complaints or backing out later.

Ivanov shrugged. "Long as you know I ain't gonna enjoy it and that don't bother either of you, I'll risk it," he said. "Not like it costs me nothing."

"Really?" Kasharik asked, surprising Yuri a bit. He didn't usually go this far to make sure people were comfortable. "Most straight men are a little more concerned about the possibility of getting fucked in the ass."

Ivanov paused with his glass halfway to his lips. "Ah," he said.

"What did you think I meant?" Kasharik asked, smirking.

"Uh," Ivanov said, turning pink again. "Usually when people assume I'm gay, it's--kind of implied I'd be the one on top." He looked back at Yuri. "But I guess you're not exactly the pretty little sissy type."

Kasharik laughed again, quite loud this time. "No," he said. "Not exactly."

Yuri had taken it up the ass before, actually, but he wasn't really thinking about ending a fight riding someone else's dick. And he'd never told Kasharik about that. Not that he'd asked, either; Kasharik was more interested in using Yuri for other purposes.

Yuri didn't say anything. Kasharik would talk Ivanov into it or he wouldn't. It wasn't Yuri's role to be persuasive, just obedient. 

Ivanov looked from Yuri to Kasharik and back again. Kasharik took a sip of his drink. Eventually, Ivanov said, "Don't see that that changes anything, really. 'Specially since I'm gonna win."

"Confident, aren't we?" Kasharik murmured.

"He can't be better than everyone else in the fucking service," Ivanov said with a shrug. Logical, if not accurate. He grinned at Kasharik. "But I'll appreciate that five hundred, my lord."

Yuri did not expect he would lose, but to be frank, he wouldn't mind it. Kasharik wouldn't be pleased, but he wouldn't be too shitty about it. He might knock Yuri around some after, but considering he found it amusing that Yuri got off on shit like that, it would be fine. Yuri was just looking forward to a real fight, which he hadn't really had since he got transferred out of Petrov's command. Maybe if he got sent off-world, like there were rumors about.

Kasharik took them back to his apartment, then had Yuri and Ivanov push all the furniture in the living room aside to clear space. Ivanov had kept pace with Yuri, and nursed just two drinks through Kasharik's four. He didn't seem drunk, and he didn't seem worried. He wasn't good-looking, necessarily, but he moved with enough surety that he was attractive.

"Oh, and roll up the rug as well," Kasharik said. "I'll go grab lube."

"You better grab five hundred dollars, too," Ivanov called after him, even as he helped Yuri roll up the rug. As they worked, Ivanov asked Yuri, "You always get your kicks doing your knob boyfriend's bidding?"

"He's not my boyfriend," Yuri said.

"What, you fuck people for a guy who's not your boyfriend?" Ivanov asked. "You know that's weirder, right?"

Yuri shrugged. It was weird, but not as weird as the idea of being a nobleman's boyfriend.

Kasharik came back, a bottle of lube in hand, and sat down on one of the armchairs pushed back against the wall. "Whenever you're ready," he said, waving a hand.

Ivanov stretched each arm behind his head in turn, cracking his shoulders. Yuri stripped off his shirt, leaving him in just his undershirt. He did a similar quick stretch to Ivanov, then shook out his arms. "Ready," he said.

Ivanov was good. He dodged Yuri's blows like it was trivial, and managed to trip him once. He got a painful hit on Yuri's jaw. Yuri had to back off and strategize for a second, which was difficult when Ivanov pressed his advantage. But as much as Yuri believed Ivanov wanted that five hundred dollars, Yuri really wanted to rip Ivanov's clothes off and have his way with him. Blood, Yuri wanted to smash his face into the floor and fuck him until he cried. He wanted that so, so much.

Ivanov was fast, and he was good, but he was also coming off a tournament and smaller than Yuri. Once Yuri got him on the ground, it was over, it would just take a while to wear him down.

Or more than a little while. "Fuck's sake, man," Ivanov grunted after a few minutes, attempting to keep Yuri's hold from taking. Yuri was having a little trouble keeping himself from rubbing his dick against Ivanov. "You ain't won yet."

From the side of the room, Kasharik said, "I thought plenty of guys got worked up rolling around on the ground."

Ivanov only grunted instead of trying to respond. He needed all his attention on Yuri.

He was good at escaping holds, but he could never keep Yuri off him for long, even with Yuri distracted by how turned on he was. The more he flopped around, struggling, the more obvious it became that he was aroused as well. Yuri reached down with one hand to cup his dick, and Ivanov groaned.

"That ain't tourney-legal," Ivanov protested.

"You can keep struggling," Yuri told him.

Ivanov groaned again. He did keep struggling, but not quite as hard as he had been, especially when Yuri rubbed his dick. After several more minutes, he gasped, "Fine, fuck, mercy, you win! I concede!"

"Obviously," Kasharik murmured.

Yuri unbuttoned Ivanov's trousers blindly, then yanked them down. "Keep struggling," he breathed against Ivanov's ear.

Ivanov shivered. "You're a fucking freak, you know that? Blood." But he did keep struggling, even when Yuri took his dick in hand and stroked it. He even bit Yuri's hand when it got too close to his mouth. Yuri wasn't sure he had ever been this hard in his life.

Kasharik rolled over the bottle of lube. Yuri snatched it up and immediately dumped some down Ivanov's ass crack.

"Ow, fuck," Ivanov said, squirming.

"If you think his fingers are too much, you are not going to enjoy his cock," Kasharik said, sounding smug.

"I fucking said I wouldn't," Ivanov said, like he wasn't just as hard as Yuri. He immediately belied himself by moaning and arching his back when Yuri thrust his fingers back into him.

"Maybe you weren't into guys because you always figured you'd be the top," Yuri said. "You seem to like being my bitch just fine."

Ivanov made a startled sound that was practically a sob, as his cock jumped in Yuri's hand.

"Ohh," Kasharik said. He sounded as if he was smiling. "Maybe that's what it is! Maybe people keep clocking you as queer because they can tell you'd be better off as a woman."

Ivanov gasped. "That's not--that ain't true."

"No?" Kasharik asked. "You sure seem just as happy pinned beneath Arevin as you did winning the tournament."

"No way," Ivanov said, then moaned again as Yuri's fingers pushed deeper. "Bones, please--fuck!"

"Might be nice to have a woman of my own," Yuri murmured into Ivanov's ear. Ivanov shuddered again, clenching around Yuri's fingers. "You like that idea?"

"I don't know," Ivanov moaned.

"I'm not sure how pretty you'd be, as a girl," Kasharik mused. "But then, that's not really what matters to Arevin, is it, sergeant?"

"Any girl's pretty when she's taking your cock," Yuri said, and Ivanov shuddered again. He pulled his fingers out of Ivanov's ass and reached for the bottle of lube again. He had to sit up some to slick up his dick. He kept one hand on Ivanov's back, only nominally holding him down, but Ivanov didn't try to get up. He just laid there, breathing hard, his erection dangling between his legs.

"Tap-dancing zombie Emperor Sergei!" Ivanov yelped when Yuri started pushing his dick into him. He tried half-heartedly to crawl away. Yuri yanked him back by the hips, driving his cock even deeper. This time, Ivanov's yelp was wordless. A moment later, he moaned, "Blood and bone, are you packing a fucking wine bottle down there?"

Kasharik laughed. "Not quite," he said. "Though he is rather well-endowed."

"If I'd known I was gonna be taking a horse cock if I lost, I never would have agreed," Ivanov said. Yuri reached around to play with his dick, and found it had not flagged at all. That was interesting, considering Yuri had certainly not prepared him adequately. Was he a masochist, or did he really like the idea of being a woman so much?

"You don't seem to mind," Yuri murmured, giving him a slow stroke.

"Fuck you," Ivanov gasped.

The noises Ivanov made as Yuri fucked him were about half pained and half aroused. He swore after almost every time he moaned at something. He was rather cute, actually, which was not something Yuri usually thought about the men Kasharik had him fuck. Kasharik liked simpering kiss-asses and humiliated stoic straight men. They were fun, but not cute. Ivanov's vulgar expressions of alternating frustration and pleasure was.

Yuri pushed his face down into the floor and snapped his hips forward. Ivanov whimpered. Yuri snapped his hips again, and Ivanov gasped, "Oh, fuck!"

"You do like this, don't you," Yuri said. "I could make you my woman. I'd let you have my cock whenever you wanted it." He bit his lip, to have something to ground him. "Get you some dresses so I can just flip your skirt up and stick it in."

Ivanov whined and clawed at the floor. He was not making a real attempt to get away.

"I've never had a girl of my own before," Yuri said. "I'd treat you nice."

Ivanov laughed. "You think this is nice?"

"Your dick seems to think so," Kasharik said. "But I'm sure Arevin would be willing to treat you rough, if that's more your speed."

"Only in bed," Yuri said, and Ivanov shivered. "Mmhmm, that's right. Can treat you like a lady most of the time, even though we both know you're really a slut." He punctuated that with a smack to Ivanov's ass.

"Fuck," Ivanov moaned. "Fuuuck."

Yuri finally heard the clink of Kasharik's belt buckle. He was surprised it had taken so long, but perhaps he was trying to savor the experience. Surely even he would have trouble finding another fighter at Yuri's skill level who would agree to go right from a match to sex. Even though he wasn't usually a fan of a fair fight, he did like watching Yuri work someone over, and that lasted longer when they could fight back.

Yuri bent over, pressing himself against Ivanov's back. He wrapped one hand around the front of Ivanov's neck, fingers slipping between his collar and his skin, and kept it there. He could feel Ivanov's thundering pulse under his thumb, even through the harsh panting of his breath. Into Ivanov's ear, he murmured, "Not often milord's got a personal sex show with a woman involved."

Ivanov shivered again. "Please," he said. "Please."

"Please what?" Yuri asked, grinding his hips into Ivanov's ass.

"I don't know," Ivanov moaned.

"I think you do," Kasharik said.

Ivanov moaned again. "Say it again," he said.

Yuri grunted. "Slut," he said on his next thrust. "Slutty little girl," he said as he pulled back. Ivanov moaned. "Made for taking cock," Yuri went on. He thrusted back in, making Ivanov gasp. "For real men to use." Ivanov whined, practically keening. "You put up a good fight," Yuri said into his ear, "but you wanted this."

"No," Ivanov said. "No, I didn't know, I didn't think--I didn't know!" He practically sobbed, "Blood!"

It didn't take much more to finish them both off. Yuri growled into Ivanov's ear when he was close to coming, "Take it like a good girl," which made Ivanov spasm, which in turn pushed Yuri over the edge.

Ivanov didn't say anything more coherent or complicated than, "Oh oh oh oh!" Yuri barely had to tug on his dick before he was coming all over Yuri's hand and the floor.

Yuri pulled out and collapsed onto the floor next to Ivanov, breathing heavily. He glanced at Kasharik, to make sure he didn't expect anything else from Yuri, but Kasharik didn't even have his eyes open, jerking himself furiously, bottom lip caught between his teeth.

Ivanov rolled onto his back, away from Yuri. The tip of his dick still glistened with liquid, like some of his come had gotten held up somewhere and missed the main event. His shirt was soaked with sweat under his arms and down his chest, making it stick to him, following the contours of his body. He looked perfectly masculine, in a rather appealing way if Yuri was honest, but it wasn't hard to imagine him with small breasts laid over his pectorals. That was appealing, too.

Kasharik made the little grunt he usually made when he was coming, which meant he'd continue talking in a moment. Yuri pulled his trousers up and started tucking everything back into place.

"Well," Ivanov said, staring at the ceiling. "I mean, I coulda used the five hundred bucks, but I guess startling personal revelations are good too."

"Did you really not know?" Kasharik asked, pulling out his handkerchief to wipe clean his dick and hands. "I was honestly shocked you seemed so sincere about not being interested in men. It looked like a classic case of over-compensation to me."

"Oh, thanks," Ivanov muttered.

"Admittedly," Kasharik went on, folding over his handkerchief, "I don't often run into transsexuals who don't know."

"Great," Ivanov said. "Not only am I a freak, I'm a stupid freak."

"It's not stupidity so much as ignorance," Kasharik said. "I suppose plenty of people on our backwards little planet are unaware there are options that might suit them better."

"I'm pretty sure 'girl' is an option I've been aware of," Ivanov said. He scrubbed his hands over his face. "Fuck."

"Happy to help," Kasharik said, sounding amused. As he stood up, stretching his arms over his head, he said, "Arevin, will you see our guest safely home? And put my living room back in some kind of order."

"Yes, sir," Yuri said, and Kasharik went into his bedroom and shut the door behind him.

Ivanov was less helpful restoring the living room to its prior function than he had been clearing it for a fight. He was slow getting dressed, and moved carefully. Well, Yuri hadn't gone easy on him, and it didn't seem like he had experience bottoming. Plus, he had gone through a tournament's final rounds before Yuri even met him that evening. Rolling out Kasharik's rug and pulling furniture back into its approximate former location alone wasn't so strenuous that Yuri missed the help.

"Bathroom's the first door on the right, if you want to clean up before we leave," Yuri told Ivanov, as he buttoned up his shirt.

"Yeah, I guess that's a good idea," Ivanov said. "Don't really want to worry about whether I'm feeling jizz or blood in my drawers."

Yuri frowned. "There shouldn't be active bleeding," he said.

"No shit," Ivanov said, rolling his eyes, "but I can damn well feel there's gonna be some blood, and it'll be easier to tell if it's fresh or not if I clean up." As he stood up, he blushed a little, and added, "Don't take it as a complaint."

Yuri hadn't been in much doubt as to whether or not Ivanov enjoyed himself, but it was nice to hear he wasn't reconsidering it now. "Noted," he said.

While Ivanov was in the bathroom, Yuri took Kasharik's discarded handkerchief to the kitchen sink to rinse it out. He hadn't explicitly asked for that, but Yuri figured it fell under the remit of putting the living room back in order. Kasharik didn't always seem to remember he didn't have servants, living in his city apartment instead of Kasharik House. There was a cleaning service, but Yuri felt like it might be weird to have them clean up after sex stuff like this. Sometimes when Kasharik had a boyfriend, he explicitly had them do it, but without one, it fell to Yuri.

Ivanov came back from the bathroom as Yuri was wringing the excess water out of Kasharik's handkerchief. Yuri draped it over the edge of the sink to dry, then turned out all the lights before they left.

Ivanov told Yuri which dormitory he was in, but was otherwise quiet on the walk to the tram. It wasn't until they got on the tram, empty except for them, and sat down near the door that Ivanov asked Yuri, "So was all that just dirty talk, or did you mean any of it?"

"Which part?" Yuri asked.

"Shit, I don't know," Ivanov said. After a moment, he said, "I sure hope you didn't mean the part where you said all I was good for was taking cock."

"I don't think that's true of anyone," Yuri said. His mama and the other women who raised him would have smacked him if he believed otherwise. "Even whores got hobbies."

Ivanov laughed. "Yeah, good," he said. He glanced at Yuri sidelong. "How about some of the other things, though? Like, would you…really still like a woman with a dick?"

Yuri shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

"And you'd just…believe her, even if she didn't have the surgeries and everything yet?"

Even Yuri could tell Ivanov was fishing. Again, he found it more cute than annoying. "That's how galactics do it," Yuri said. "And I mean, I don't know how she feels. If someone says they're a woman, I don't see why I shouldn't believe her."

Ivanov did not have any immediate response to that. Yuri wasn't terribly surprised; he probably needed time to reconsider things. They actually made it to their stop and off the tram before Ivanov asked, "You've never had a girlfriend?"

Yuri snorted. "Most of the times I've gotten laid were because Kasharik thought it would be funny," he said. That was a simplification, but he was sure that was how it started. "No one's ever wanted to date me, female or otherwise." 

"Guess that explains it," Ivanov said.

"Explains what?" Yuri asked.

Ivanov looked over at him and said, "That whole time wrecking my ass and rearranging my world, and you never kissed me once."

Yuri blinked. No one had ever suggested he kiss them, or made any move to kiss him. He said, "I've never done that before."

"Well I've never fucked someone without kissing them before," Ivanov said, stepping in front of Yuri, cutting him off and making him stop. "And of the two of us, I think I've had enough novel experiences for one night. Fucking kiss me."

Bemused, Yuri set his hands on Ivanov's shoulders, leaned in, and kissed him. Ivanov made a noise against Yuri's lips, then brought his hands up to Yuri's waist. When Yuri pulled away, Ivanov opened his eyes and looked at him for a moment. He had short but thick eyelashes. After a moment, Ivanov said, "Fuck." He turned around, and brought his fists down on his thighs as he shouted, "Fuck!"

"Sorry," Yuri muttered. He wasn't that bad at kissing, was he? What was there to screw up?

Ivanov turned back to him. "It's not you," he said. "You're actually--blood, kind of sexy, really." Literally no one had ever said that about Yuri before. Ivanov did look embarrassed to have said it. He went on, "That's the fucking problem, though, isn't it? I thought my whole life--blood and bone. I mean, how did I miss this?"

Oh, he was still upset about the whole…gender and sexuality thing. Of course, that made sense. Yuri said, "I did kind of think people always knew, since they were kids."

"Right," Ivanov said, nodding fervently. "Right, so did I, and I was never, like, longing to wear dresses or anything. I guess I wasn't mad about it when the neighbor girls made me play dress-up with them? Would a real boy have been upset about that? I don't know." He shook his head.

Yuri couldn't remember feeling one way or the other about dresses as a child. But then, he hadn't had a very ordinary childhood. "You seem very sure about it, considering," Yuri said.

Ivanov shrugged. "I don't think I've ever wanted anything as much as I wanted it when you said I could be your woman," he said, only looking a little embarrassed. "This whole fucking--alternate life fucking appeared in my head, fully-formed, like if I could have dinner waiting on the table when you got home, you'd nail me afterwards, and then we could shower together and watch a vid on the couch, and fucking--like, I never thought about that with any of my girlfriends, ever, but you put your twice-damned fingers in my asshole and I was ready to marry you. I mean, what the hell is that?"

Yuri shrugged. "Endorphin rush from the fighting?" he suggested.

Ivanov snorted. "You think I never lost a fight before? Sure, alright, I wasn't that surprised to get kind of horny about it, but the fucking home-maker fantasy sure as hell ain't something I experienced before." He put one of his hands in Yuri's. "Kiss me again?"

Yuri saw no reason not to, so he kissed him again. This kiss went on longer, until Ivanov's arms were wrapped around Yuri's shoulders and Yuri was clutching him around the waist. He wasn't entirely clear on how that happened, except it was very pleasant. Eventually Ivanov pulled back, resting his forehead against Yuri's. "Fuuuck," he groaned. "I think I musta had it backwards. I think I was into guys like you and wanted to be like the girls I dated. Blood and bone." He shook his head.

"Can we do this again?" Yuri asked, before he could think better of it.

"What, make out in the street?" Ivanov asked. "Hell yeah."

"No," Yuri said. "I mean, yes, that too. But, uh. The rest of it. Drinks and sex and talking."

Ivanov smiled. "Are you asking me out?" he asked.

"Yes," Yuri said, relieved. Right, this was a thing people did, he had a framework to draw upon. "Yes, exactly," he said. "Would you go on a date with me?"

Ivanov laughed. "You've got a terrible grasp of romance," he said, though he was still grinning, and rubbed his nose against Yuri's as he said it. "Yeah, why not. Leave your knob boyfriend out of it, though."

Yuri's stomach twisted unpleasantly. That wasn't entirely up to him. Kasharik was generous, but demanding. "Sure," he said, sounding much more confident than he felt.

"Great," Ivanov said, and leaned in to kiss him again.

*

Later that week, Kasharik said something about his plans for the evening. As he usually did, he said 'we' when he talked about it, including Yuri automatically.

"Uh, sorry, my lord," Yuri said. "I've got plans."

Kasharik turned to him and raised one aristocratic eyebrow. "You've got plans?" he asked, disbelief dripping from every word.

"Yes, sir," Yuri said.

Kasharik stared at him for a moment. "Fine," he said. "You've got plans. I suppose I can keep myself entertained."

Yuri had a bad feeling about how easily that went.

*

Yuri met Ivanov at the other exit from HQ, which most of the enlisted men used. They were going to get dinner, then go back to Yuri's quarters. Yuri had been willing to leave that part implied, but Ivanov told him when they made the date that he had three roommates so it should probably be Yuri's place afterwards. Then Ivanov added that he wasn't sure he'd be physically fit for more penetration just yet, but he'd be happy to explore the other available options.

On the walk to the restaurant--chosen for being unlikely to harbor either Kasharik or any of Ivanov's immediate squadmates--Ivanov said, "You realize I can't just--tell everyone. I wouldn't have a bloody job if I did."

Yuri nodded. The Imperial Service just about tolerated homosexuality, as long as you didn't draw too much attention to it at the wrong time, but women weren't allowed in anything but the Aux Corps. Any of Ivanov's superiors finding out he was transsexual would either mean dishonorable discharge or a retroactive stripping of rank. He'd lose his job and all his benefits, and probably be outed to every government branch there was.

After a few moments of apparent waiting, Ivanov said, "So this is going to make you look gay."

Oh, Yuri thought. He wanted to know what Yuri thought about that, if it would bother him. "It's not exactly secret how much time I spend with Kasharik," he said.

"Right," Ivanov said. "I suppose it ain't new for you, then."

Ivanov had been very concerned the other night about making sure Kasharik understood he wasn't queer. Yuri asked, "Is that a problem for you?"

Ivanov shrugged. "Don't think so," he said. "I mean, ain't no one gonna beat me up over it." He glanced at Yuri sidelong, smirking. "'Cept maybe you," he said. "And I know it ain't like that. I mean, it might be a little annoying, but I'd rather not dance around it, you know? I got no practice being discreet anyway."

"Good," Yuri said, then grabbed his hand.

"You fucking sap," Ivanov muttered, even as he squeezed Yuri's hand with his.

Feeling extremely self-conscious, Yuri made himself say, "I've never…dated. Anyone. It's nice."

"Bones, that's right," Ivanov muttered. He stopped, pulled Yuri to a stop, then yanked Yuri in so he could wrap his arms around Yuri's waist. They were on a public street, and it was broad daylight, not after midnight. Even with Ivanov saying he'd rather not attempt to hide it, Yuri was surprised to find him being so forward. "You be as sappy and romantic as you want, then," Ivanov said quietly, before leaning in to kiss him.

Oh, Yuri liked kissing even when he wasn't buoyed by the afterglow of the most satisfying sex he'd ever had. He really liked it.

Ivanov finally pulled back, but not entirely, just from the kiss. Quietly, he said, "I've only ever done this the other way around. So you gotta forgive me if I don't do it right." He smiled. "I guess we gotta forgive each other if we don't do it right."

"Yes," Yuri said. He leaned in to press another kiss to Ivanov's lips. "I'd like that."

"Shit," Ivanov said, smiling wider, "you got no right being so cute with such an un-cute face."

"You can say ugly," Yuri said, rolling his eyes. "I know what I look like."

"And I know what you look like naked," Ivanov said, which was not strictly true, "which brings up your score a bit." He leaned in to give Yuri another quick kiss. 

Yuri had never considered the idea of a man's body improving his average attractiveness, although obviously he was familiar with the idea from the brothel. Girls no better than plain could command as much as the most beautiful if they had good enough tits and asses. Yuri was pretty fit, even by military standards. Thinking about it, he supposed it made sense. To Ivanov, who still had his arms wrapped around Yuri's waist, he said, "You adapted to finding men attractive fast."

Ivanov shrugged. "Maybe you just did too good a job fucking me to ignore," he said.

"I'm sorry to say it was mostly incidental," Yuri said.

Ivanov grinned. "Guess you'll have to do it more on purpose next time."

*

Ivanov took the lead when they got back to Yuri's place, which was a little weird. Not a terribly feminine trait, but maybe that was on Yuri for thinking someone's whole personality would change with their gender. Yuri was used to taking orders, though, and it was certainly more fun when those directions were conveyed by Ivanov pressing against him, whispering in his ear, or grabbing the part of Yuri he wanted doing something.

Which was how Yuri found himself experiencing well after his first sexual experience his first "make-out session". It wasn't quite as stimulating as beating the hell out of each other, but he supposed it was safer. And he did enjoy kissing Ivanov, getting to touch him as much as he wanted, and feeling Ivanov get hard against him without complaining about it.

After a while, he did feel like he'd go insane if he didn't get to get off, though. Yuri finally said, "Please, can we just…."

Ivanov laughed, and unzipped Yuri's trousers. "That's a lot more polite than last time," he said, pulling Yuri's briefs down and out of the way.

"It seemed like you wanted to go slower," Yuri said. "Which is fine." His breath caught as Ivanov's hand wrapped around his cock.

"But you don't wanna blow your load in your pants, I get it," Ivanov said. He glanced down at Yuri's cock. "That's less weird than I thought it'd be," he said. "Sergei's bones, you put this monster in my asshole? No wonder it still fucking hurts."

"I can go slower next time," Yuri said. Then he realized that was maybe presuming too much. "Uh, if you want."

Ivanov laughed, then leaned in and kissed him. "Yeah," he said when he pulled back, "I think I'll want you to be a little more careful next time." He gave Yuri's cock a slow, light stroke, teasing. "That's something you can get used to, right? So it's easier? Not that I didn't like the fight-to-fuck thing, but it'd be nice if it didn't totally wreck my ass for days."

"Yeah," Yuri said. "You can kind of make yourself relax if you concentrate, but it's easier with practice. Is this how you jerk yourself off?"

"No, but that ain't how I'd want sex to be," Ivanov said, grinning at him. "You fucked me out of a closet I didn't even know was in the bloody house last time," he said, "I'd like to at least drive you a little crazy."

"You are," Yuri said, and Ivanov laughed. He stopped teasing Yuri's cock long enough to spit in his palm, then leaned in to kiss Yuri some more while he jerked him off. Yuri felt light-headed from getting kissed and a hand-job at the same time.

Growing up in a brothel had affected Yuri in a lot of ways, probably, but one of the ones he'd noticed as soon as he started sharing rooms with other guys was that no one else seemed to have lube. Someone in the barracks at his first training camp had suggested merely having lube instead of lotion or oil was a sign someone was gay. Yuri had been baffled by that, and apparently was convincing enough that the homophobe in question had backed off. Yuri didn't think he'd have to explain to a bunch of horny seventeen- and eighteen-year-olds that actual purpose-designed lubricant felt and worked better than whatever lotion or oil they stole from their family medicine chest. He wasn't even bothering then with the fancy off-world shit, just the lube the brothel bought in bulk that was made from seaweed or something; one of the only native Kavagoran agricultural products that wasn't derived from introduced Earth species.

So when Yuri told Ivanov to hang on for a second, and rolled over to get his lube out of the bedside table drawer, he wasn't surprised to hear Ivanov chuckle.

"You're too good for regular lotion, huh?" Ivanov asked. "Or does Kasharik bring folks 'round your place?"

"Real lube is better and cheaper than lotion," Yuri said, just as he'd gotten used to saying in every barracks he'd slept in. "Kasharik's never been past the front door. Get out your dick."

"Yes, sir," Ivanov said, wriggling out of his trousers and underwear entirely. Yuri paused to do the same, shoving his trousers down until he could shake them off his legs. He rolled over and straddled Ivanov, pressing their dicks right up against each other. Yuri had never done this on purpose, as an end to itself, but he figured it felt good enough to give it a shot.

He doused his hand in lube, then wrapped it around as much of both of their cocks as he could manage. Ivanov jerked up against him.

"Oh, yeah, all right," Ivanov breathed, "that does feel better."

"Lasts longer, too," Yuri said, barely resisting the urge to just start rutting up against him. He used his other hand to spread the lube more evenly around the other side, before Ivanov's hand joined his.

"I know you called yourself ugly earlier," Ivanov said, looking up at him, "but you oughta know you sitting on my lap jerking both of us off is one of the hottest things I've ever seen."

Yuri knew he shouldn't disagree, but he couldn't quite bring himself to believe it, either. Ivanov's breathless voice and rock-hard cock made it difficult to discount entirely, however. So Yuri just said, "Good."

"Sticks, I'd like you in me again, though," Ivanov said, even as he rocked up against Yuri. "I did like feeling used like that."

"I bet you did," Yuri said. "Slut." Ivanov shivered. "Pretty little slut." He braced himself against the wall with one hand so he could bend over and kiss Ivanov some more, trapping their hands as well as their dicks between their bodies. "That's my girl," he murmured against Ivanov's lips. "Dirty, slutty little girl."

Ivanov moaned and panted, his hips bucking up helplessly, squashing Yuri's fingers against his abdomen. Yuri stopped kissing him momentarily to extract his hand from between them, then settled more fully on top of Ivanov. The weight of his body worked fine to rub their now-lubricated cocks against each other. When Ivanov withdrew his hand, they wound up more next to each other than on top of each other, but that was fine, they were still pressed together. Yuri rolled his hips, rubbing his cock against Ivanov's and Ivanov's abdomen. Ivanov put his slippery hand on the back of Yuri's neck, holding him there. As if there was anywhere else Yuri would want to be.

"My pretty girl," Yuri said. Ivanov was pretty, especially all flushed and panting like this. His eyelashes were so thick. His cock was so hot between them. "Precious, slutty, dirty girl."

"Blood, yes," Ivanov moaned.

Yuri was too turned on to think of anything else. His cock felt so good, sliding against Ivanov's skin, next to Ivanov's cock. It almost felt more intimate than having his cock inside someone's body. He had Ivanov trapped, his legs pinned in by Yuri's, and his body covered with Yuri's. His cock rubbed against Yuri's groin, popping over as if to kiss Yuri's cock once he was on the back-stroke.

"Please," Ivanov tried to murmur, even as he kissed Yuri's lips. "Please, use me, mark me, make me your woman."

"Uh huh," Yuri said. "Mine. My woman, my slutty, pretty woman."

Ivanov came first time this time, if such a small distinction mattered when it was the feel of his cock pulsing against Yuri's that set him off. Yuri sagged on top of him. Ivanov laughed, and kissed him, grinning. Yuri didn't usually feel like he had the right to lie atop the people he fucked after they finished. He thought Ivanov wouldn't begrudge it.

"Bones, you're heavy," Ivanov grumbled, although he still had both his arms wrapped around Yuri.

After a few moments, Yuri sighed, and rolled off of him, onto his back, so he could finally straighten out his legs.

They lay there in silence a few more moments. Then Ivanov said, "So sex is always that good, huh?"

It had been very nice, but Yuri didn't know that that was the hottest sex he'd ever had. He felt less weird about it in the aftermath, less used, but it hadn't been a profoundly erotic experience or anything. The more noteworthy part for him had been the kissing, which Ivanov had seemed to expect as a matter of course. Yuri asked, "Has it not been before?"

Ivanov laughed. "I guess not," he said. "I kinda thought the reason other guys seemed to be having a better time fucking girls than me was they that were selfish lovers, you know? Like if you made sure a girl had a nice time, it was less fun for you."

"I don't think that's how it's supposed to work," Yuri said. Certainly some johns acted that way, but the girls had negative opinions of that. "I guess I've been with fewer women than you?" he added, because that sure sounded like it was the case.

"Yeah, I don't think that makes a difference," Ivanov said. "In this, anyway. Fucking hell." He rolled over, propped himself up on one elbow, and leaned over to kiss Yuri again. He ran his still-slippery hand down Yuri's chest, then back up, rubbing all of Yuri's chest hair the wrong way and making it stick up. When he pulled back, he asked, "You gonna be up to go again tonight?"

"I can keep going until you're done," Yuri said.

Ivanov smirked. "Yeah?" he asked. "What about a little bit longer than that?"

"In that case," Yuri said, resting his hand on top of Ivanov's on his chest, "I can keep going until you're begging me to stop."

Ivanov shivered. "I don't know if I'm up to try that tonight, but keep it in your back pocket," he said, blushing pink, his voice husky. "Sticks."

Yuri had intended to clean up some before seeing if Ivanov was interested in another round, but he couldn't resist pulling him down into a kiss, and from there, it turned out he didn't have the willpower to hold back with a willing partner.

*

Ivanov was a similar kind of mean-funny to Kasharik, but less targeted. He was self-deprecating as often as he was insulting to others, and Yuri never got the feeling he meant it, the way some people did. The way Kasharik usually did. It was like finally being included in the barracks-room banter, only the filth was directed at Yuri, and not some passing woman.

He could carry a conversation without much help from Yuri, which was good, but he also wasn't insensible to Yuri's opinion. He seemed good at reading Yuri's expressions from the jump, and only got better with time. Even when he misread them, though, he had a way of continuing the conversation as though he'd gotten a response that could carry them through a good while. 

He was extremely touchy-feely, compared to anyone else Yuri spent time with. Some of that was dating, Yuri was sure, but some of it was just the way he was with everyone. He often patted people on the shoulder or nudged them with his elbow. He seemed to flirt with women automatically, which Yuri perhaps should have been more upset about, but mostly found amusing. Ivanov really did come off as feminine in those interactions; Yuri wasn't surprised people assumed he was gay, but he didn't understand how no one before Kasharikhad ever suggested Ivanov might be better suited to womanhood. 

The first time he flirted with a woman while they were on a date, Ivanov was mortified. "Blood, I'm sorry," he said to Yuri as soon as he realized. "I wasn't even--shit."

Yuri asked him, "Would you rather be on a date with her?"

Ivanov blushed. "No, of course not," he said. "To tell the truth, I--don't know that I was ever really into girls."

"Really?" Yuri asked. He supposed Ivanov had said something to that effect, the first time they kissed.

"Yeah, turns out there are other reasons to constantly think about girls and how pretty they are," Ivanov said, circumspect since they were in a public restaurant. He was rosy-cheeked, though. He went on, "And I, uh, got things backward."

Yuri couldn't imagine confusing attraction with envy, but he also didn't entirely understand why or how other guys were so opposed to fucking other guys. Sex was sex, and Yuri hadn't found it to make much of a difference who was sucking his cock or why. He liked women more, or at least more often, but it also wasn't exactly safe to go around evaluating the attractiveness of other men. He didn't exactly have any trouble understanding why Kasharik liked a fellow, or what someone might see in Kasharik.

"Sorry," Ivanov repeated, reaching across the table for Yuri's hand.

"It's fine," Yuri said, but he did put his hand in Ivanov's.

The next time it happened, Ivanov swore at himself. "Bloody reflex. Yuri, I swear I don't mean nothing by it."

"I know," Yuri said. He thought the woman Ivanov had been flirting with knew it too; she'd glanced at Yuri, amused, before flirting back. Yuri figured that meant she'd noticed they were on a date.

Anyway, it was easier for Yuri to be okay with it when Ivanov was so affectionate with him. He hadn't really expected to be holding hands or getting cuddled and kissed in relative public. He felt as if no one else had ever liked him so much.

It would have been understandable for Ivanov not to be so cuddly in public. It wasn't like they didn't get dirty looks. But Ivanov only shrugged when Yuri asked if he was worried about strangers thinking they were gay. 

"What are they gonna do?" he asked. "They ain't gonna beat us up. I bet most of 'em won't even have the guts to catcall us."

And they hadn't. Yuri caught more of the dirty looks than Ivanov did, because Yuri doubted Ivanov would have been able to avoid picking a fight if he saw some of the more disgusted looks. Ivanov was hot-headed; he couldn't keep his mouth shut when people talked shit around him. Yuri thought there was a good chance that was why Ivanov had learned to fight in the first place. But overall, there was less pushback than Yuri thought there'd be. Maybe his looks explained that, or maybe Ivanov didn't look noteworthy on Yuri's arm. Maybe they looked right together. Or maybe they didn't look stereotypical enough for most people to even notice they were on dates.

*

It was their fourth date in less than two weeks (was that a lot? was that normal? Ivanov didn't seem to be doing anything other than working and going home, which was all Yuri was doing) when Ivanov said he was ready for Yuri to fuck him in the ass again.

"Yeah?" Yuri asked. "You sure?"

"Didn't hurt none when I fingered myself last night," Ivanov said, then grinned at Yuri. "Weren't half as good as if you'd been doing it, I'm sure."

Fingering was probably the thing Yuri had the least practice with, since he'd been mostly fucking people for Kasharik. He'd done it, but only so it wouldn't hurt so much when he fucked them. He suspected he'd have far more patience for it with Ivanov wriggling and swearing at him. If only there was some way to leverage the power of Ivanov getting turned on about it to make everything Yuri found boring or tedious easier.

Neither of them had done anything about getting Ivanov women's clothing. Yuri did long to see him in a skirt, if only because it wouldn't need to be removed before they could fuck, but he didn't know the first thing about sizes in women's clothing and he knew without asking that Ivanov would be too self-conscious to go shopping with him, even if they pretended it was for someone else and Ivanov didn't get to try things on.

Still, there was something about kneeling between Ivanov's spread legs, working his fingers in and out, that felt distinctly…heterosexual. Even though Ivanov's cock was sticking straight up and bouncing every time he bucked his hips up.

Yuri reached up with his free hand and groped Ivanov's chest as if he did have tits. Ivanov let out a shaky, "Haah."

"I can hardly wait to get my cock in you again," Yuri said, squeezing Ivanov's flat chest as he thrust his fingers in hard.

"Fuck!" Ivanov's hips jerked up again, setting his cock bouncing and swaying. "Can you--please say it?"

"Say what?" Yuri asked. Ivanov kicked him, so he chuckled. "Oh, you want to hear what a good girl you are? How you're spreading your legs for me? A slutty little girl desperate for cock?"

"Bones, Yuri, please," Ivanov panted.

Yuri paused to consider before he said the next part, but decided fuck it, Ivanov was game to try things out and tell him they didn't work. He asked, "You want my cock in your pussy?"

Ivanov laughed. "I fucking wish," he said. "Bones and all, I fucking wish. But don't act like that's what my ass is."

"No good, then?"

"It's fucking absurd," Ivanov said. "I mean, if I had a cunt, I'd still have an asshole you could fuck. And you probably would, you sadistic bastard."

Yuri smiled, and bent down to kiss Ivanov's stomach. "That'd be fun," he murmured. "I bet you'd beg for me to put it in the right hole."

"I'll beg now if it'll hurry you the fuck up," Ivanov said, but Yuri could hear perfectly well that he was smiling.

"Promise?" Yuri growled, mostly for the way he knew it would make Ivanov shiver.

Ivanov shivered.

It took enough work and concentration to keep Ivanov interested but on the edge that Yuri was in no danger of going off too soon. Still, when he finally hitched Ivanov's thighs over his own so he could line up his cock, he had to pause as soon as he got the head in. Ivanov's loud, full-throated moan didn't help keep him from getting too worked up, either.

After a moment's stillness, Ivanov lifted his head to glare at Yuri. "What's the hold-up?" he demanded.

Yuri huffed a laugh. "Baby girl," he said, and felt the pleased clench of Ivanov's body around his cock, "you're still so tight."

"Oh," Ivanov breathed, eyelids drooping. "You're trying not to blow your load, huh? It's that good?"

"You're that good," Yuri said, feeling silly but meaning it with his entire being.

Ivanov giggled, and Yuri would have married her if he could.

*

It was only a few days later that one of Ivanov's roommates caught them necking outside the building. Yuri froze, not sure what to do, but Ivanov called out, "This ain't a free show, Alexei! Go inside!"

"You're not even worried about your roommates?" Yuri asked after Alexei had moved on.

"They all know I could take 'em," Ivanov said dismissively. "I, uh, was wondering, though," Ivanov went on, not quite making eye contact. "If we might be at the going steady phase of things. In which case I think I'd rather be your sweetie, since I can't really be your girlfriend and I really don't want to be your…." She looked back at Yuri finally. "If that's something you're interested in."

"Yes, sweetheart," Yuri breathed. He kissed her.

"Fuck," Ivanov murmured, smiling against Yuri's lips.

*

Ivanov (she damn well wasn't keeping the name "Yosif" as a woman, but she hadn't picked a new one out yet; she'd still be an Ivanov even as a woman, so it would have to do for now) stepped into the apartment, pretty much walking on air. She had a boyfriend. She had a boyfriend! Blood and bone, she should've realized sooner she wasn't actually into women, she'd never been this bloody happy about a girl going out with her.

She bent down to yank her boots off, then hung her coat up on the open hook. When she stepped around the corner, all three of her roommates were gathered in the living room, piled onto one couch, staring at her.

She sighed. At least she could get it over with all at once, she thought.

"So," Alexei said. "Who's the guy, Yosif?"

"Whatever happened to 'I'm not into men, stop asking'?" Nikita asked.

"Were you really just making out with another man right in the open?" Damir asked.

"You're like a bunch of old aunties," Ivanov said, rolling her eyes. "His name's Yuri, he's my boyfriend, and it turns out no one ever asked the right questions. Ya old biddies."

"Your boyfriend?" Damir demanded.

Alexei, meanwhile, whipped the blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around his head, old countrywoman style. In a high-pitched voice, he said, "I hope you're not letting him take any liberties, young man!"

"If I hadn't let him take liberties, I wouldn'ta known I was wrong about liking men," Ivanov said. She collapsed into the free chair, propping her feet up on the coffee table. "Turns out I was tired of always being the big, strong one."

"Ah," Nikita said, nodding, as Damir sputtered. "'Swhy you could make out right in the open. Anyone fucks with the two of you, they're dead."

"Pretty much," Ivanov said.

Alexei, still with the blanket draped over his head, said, "So he's not one of those guys that looks tough but is actually a pushover."

Ivanov laughed again. "The day I won the UAC tourney, he wiped the floor with me," she said. In a manner of speaking, but that was detail her friends did not need. "Though I am also half-expecting poetry at some point."

"So a little softer than your usual type," Alexei said.

"Shut the fuck up," Ivanov said, grinning. She had gone for pretty strong-willed women; delicate flowers of any gender had never really interested her.

"And why haven't you talked about him before?" Nikita asked. "Usually you won't shut up about your new sweethearts."

Damir punched him in the arm. "Why do you think?" he asked.

Ivanov shrugged. "I wouldn't want to have this whole stone-sworn conversation if it was just a few fucks," he said. "Now we're going steady, it seems worth the effort."

Alexei made an offended noise. "An effort?" he asked. "To tell us? Your best friends? That you are, in fact, not not-gay?"

"Hm," Ivanov said. She rubbed her chin, reflecting that she'd need to shave tomorrow. "I guess I coulda mentioned that sooner. Pretty sure about that one." She shrugged. "Turns out I'm only into guys, I'm just picky."

"You are fucking kidding me," Nikita said.

"Yosif!" Damir exclaimed. "Really?"

"Do you remember our first year," Ivanov asked, "when I said you were all making way too big a deal about how good sex was?"

"Emperor's bones," Alexei said, dropping his head. "You're kidding."

"Look on the bright side, you were right," Ivanov said. "I was doing something wrong."

"For Mad Ivan's sake," Damir said.

"So does that mean you're the one getting it up the ass?" Alexei asked. The blanket slid down around his shoulders as he looked up.

"That ain't any of your business," Ivanov said, "but yes."

"It's better than it sounds," Nikita said. Everyone turned to look at him, instead of Ivanov. "What? Sofia used to put her fingers up there when she was sucking me off. You try telling Sofia Dryden something's too gay for her to do to you."

"I'm pretty sure with tits that size, you can safely say it ain't gay even if she fucks you with a strap-on," Ivanov said. An arresting image to be sure, but maybe not for the reasons she would have thought a few weeks ago.

"How'd you meet him?" Damir asked. "Lexei said he didn't recognize him."

Ivanov laughed again. "I bet he woulda, if the light was better," she said. "He's Kasharik's pet sergeant."

"Kasharik's pet--sticks, Yosif, that guy's butt-ugly," Damir said.

Ivanov shrugged. "You ever see him take his shirt off, you'll get it," he said. "He's fucking built."

"Like it would matter what he looks like when he can beat you in the ring," Alexei said.

"And's good in bed," Nikita said, nodding. "Especially since Yosif's apparently been having shit sex all this time."

"It was fine," Ivanov protested, over the others' laughter. "It just wasn't good. For me. Pretty sure I made it good for the girls."

"Oh, well," Alexei said. "As long as one of you was having fun." He shook his head.

"So he's a sergeant?" Damir said. "I guess that's a respectable non-com you could take home to your folks."

"Yeah, but isn't he attached to Kasharik at the hip?" Nikita asked. "That's…." He glanced at Ivanov. Even in their own apartment, it seemed risky to be more explicit.

"Not ideal," Ivanov agreed. Kashariks were well-known to be a pack of maniacs, even more so than other knobs. Even the other knobs thought they were distasteful, so you knew they were bad. Boris Kasharik was pretty, and apparently insightful, but Ivanov was aware his whims were fickle. She went on, "He introduced us, but I wouldn't wanna rely on his good nature, that's for sure."

"Have you told your parents?" Damir asked.

Ivanov blew a raspberry. "Of course not," she said. "I don't know when I'm gonna, either. I mean, I like Yuri, but I do feel like he might actually be the worst first boyfriend to take home to Ma and Pa."

"What, you don't think your parents want a big, strong man to take care of their baby boy?" Alexei asked. "And a sergeant! Older man, too, I assume. There's uniform hunters would be envious."

"I think Pa might have a bloody coronary," Ivanov said, chuckling. "Or else just ignore it, you know? Full denial."

"It's so nice of you to share your bed wth your friend, Yosif," Alexei said, again putting on a high-pitched voice, for some reason.

"Anyway, that's probably something to worry about when we've been dating longer than half an hour," Ivanov said.

"Oh, you just made it official," Nikita said. "Like, right now."

"After I told Alexei to fuck off," Ivanov agreed.

"I guess I should retract my complaint about you not telling us sooner, damn," Alexei said. "That's as fast as anyone could tell anyone."

"Pretty much," Ivanov said.

*

"So now we're going steady," Ivanov said, "maybe it won't sound too patronizing if I ask, uh. I mean, you do know Kasharik's bad news, right?"

"He's not that bad," Yuri said.

"Oh sticks," Ivanov muttered, rolling her eyes. "He's a creep and you know it. I know it. Everyone knows it. And I know I don't have no proof he's worse than a creep, but I got a strong suspicion he's worse than that."

"People aren't kind about openly gay men," Yuri said.

Ivanov kicked him under the table, hard. "How many openly gay men are out on the town telling their boyfriends to bend over for a stranger if they don't want to get dumped?" she asked. "Yeah, maybe not just him, but I wouldn't feel too safe around those other guys either."

"He has some questionable tastes," Yuri allowed. "But so do I. So do you."

"Babe," Ivanov said, which made Yuri's chest feel warm and fuzzy despite the conversation topic, "my questionable tastes don't threaten anyone with insubordination or social suicide. You been working with him, what, two years now? You must've noticed he's a dick in a pretty specific way."

"He's not dangerous," Yuri said. After a moment, he reconsidered. "Usually."

"That is not the kind of qualification you gotta make about a safe person," Ivanov said. "You have to know that."

Yuri thought back to how his stomach twisted when Ivanov asked him to keep Kasharik out of their dates, and how certain he'd been that would be a problem. "Maybe," he said. "But I am spending less time with him, now."

"Yeah, well," Ivanov said, smiling. "That ain't the main reason I went out with you, but it's a happy side effect, as far as I'm concerned." She reached across the table for his hand, and Yuri gave it to her. "I just, he's a knobby knob, you know? Seems like he might be possessive." She squeezed his hand. "Which I take issue with."

"Please don't try to fight Lord Kasharik for my hand," Yuri said. Ivanov laughed, as Yuri had intended her to.

*

Yuri had started out kind of expecting Ivanov to drop him at some point, maybe after she could be out to more people, but he was less and less sure of that every day. Ivanov not only really liked getting plowed by him, she seemed to have a good time on their dates. She laughed at Yuri's jokes, when Yuri thought to make them. She smiled at Yuri all the time. And then of course she asked if Yuri would go steady with her, even providing a substitution for misgendering her that wouldn't raise any eyebrows. Maybe Yuri wasn't experienced at the whole dating thing, but that didn't seem like something you suggested to someone you weren't actually interested in.

The sex was great, of course. It was never really like the first time, but as phenomenal as being able to transition right into fucking from a fight was, Yuri found it was unsurprisingly more rewarding to have sex with someone who wanted to have sex with him.

The simple facts that Ivanov got hard and clingy just from making out, that she obviously ogled Yuri's body when Yuri was undressed, and that she was eager to go on dates but by the end of them was just as eager to get Yuri into bed, were so, so nice. Even if the sex had been boring and vanilla, it would have been nice just for that, for feeling desirable. Everyone before Kasharik just wanted something from Yuri, and Kasharik's picks tended to be clearly doing it just to please Kasharik. Some of them had been humiliated by having sex with Yuri. As hot as that was, it was also kind of…degrading, perhaps. To have it happen all the time. That none of them wanted to have sex with him.

He'd sort of assumed that was how everyone would be about him. That he was ugly enough and uncharismatic enough that no one would ever want to have sex with him just for its own sake. But he had to admit Kasharik was unlikely to find that as interesting or fun as convincing people to let Yuri fuck them just to make him happy. And Ivanov wasn't some kind of especially-perverse freak; in most respects she was a normal woman.

Well. As much as a closeted transsexual woman on Kavagor could be.

Yuri had literally beaten Ivanov and forcibly stripped her, yet Ivanov didn't seem humiliated to be having sex with Yuri. Even that first time, she seemed more bothered by what it said about her than about Yuri. And she did it again, and again, and again. She was practically desperate for Yuri's skin against hers by the end of some of their dates. She yelped, hit Yuri, and called him names, but she also moaned like she'd never felt anything so good in her life, locked her ankles behind Yuri, and begged Yuri not to stop.

She was turned on by doing it rough. She liked to fight back a bit, which Yuri really enjoyed, but she also always reached a point where she was too into it to protest. She'd do anything Yuri asked her to at that point, which was the kind of thing Yuri didn't want Kasharik to ever find out about.

"Oh, fuck," Ivanov moaned into a pillow while Yuri humped her furiously. "Blood, Yuri," she said.

"You want it?" Yuri breathed into her ear. "Does my pretty little girl want to get filled up?"

Ivanov whined. "Yes," she said. "Yes, please, yes sir, yes, yes, yes."

"Say it," Yuri demanded.

Ivanov groaned. "Please," she said.

Yuri slipped one arm around Ivanov's neck, taking all his weight on the other arm. "Say it," he growled.

Ivanov whined again. "Please, I want to get filled up, I want you to come inside me, I want it, I like it, please, fill me up, pump me so full of come I get pregnant."

Objectively, that was ridiculous. Gender identity aside, Ivanov did not have the equipment to get pregnant. And Yuri was fucking her in the ass besides, which was not typically something that carried the risk of pregnancy. In the moment, though, it was the hottest thing Yuri had ever heard. He said, "Oh yes, pretty girl, I'm going to knock you up. I'm going to get you pregnant. Just fucking wait."

Ivanov gasped, "Yuri!" and started clenching around Yuri's cock.

"You want it so bad, don't you, sweetie?" Yuri asked. "It's like you're trying to milk it out of me, you slut."

"I am, I do, I want it," Ivanov said. "Blood, Yuri, please, please, I--Sergei's bones," she swore, as Yuri started coming. She said she couldn't feel it much in her ass, but she could certainly feel the way Yuri went taut, and Yuri knew his arm around Ivanov's neck had tightened.

Afterwards, Ivanov buried her face beneath a pillow. "Don't look at me," she said.

"Sweetheart?" Yuri asked.

"I'm fine, it's not you," Ivanov said, waving one hand in the air vaguely. "I'm just embarrassed. Bones."

"Ah," Yuri said.

"I mean, I can't even do that," Ivanov said, words muddied a little by the pillow. "I'm not sure I could do that if I moved to bloody Vilvinudes or Gnilles or something and got every surgery I could."

"Pretty sure you could," Yuri said. "Might take a while, but they can clone people for parts. Don't see why they couldn't clone you a womb."

"It's more I don't got nowhere to put it," Ivanov said, "though I guess most organs are squishy anyway. It's just--fucking embarrassing to get turned on by something I don't even want."

Yuri waited a few moments, but Ivanov didn't acknowledge the irony in that statement. Yuri felt he had to say, "Remind me how we met."

Ivanov kicked him. "Shut up," she said. "That's different. It's fucking normal to get turned on by having your gender affirmed. Or don't you like being my big, strong man?"

"I do," Yuri said. He liked it extra hard because Ivanov could hold her own against almost anyone else; being her big, strong man meant he was pretty damn big and strong. "But I promise it's also normal to get turned on by the idea of getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant, whether or not you want kids."

"I never said I didn't want kids, I said I didn't want to be pregnant," Ivanov muttered. That was interesting, Yuri thought. "And that's--pregnancy is gross and dangerous. Galactic women don't even do it no more."

That wasn't entirely true, from what Yuri knew about artificial wombs, but he knew what she meant. Certainly women still died in childbirth quite often, which was much less of a concern on planets where they used artificial wombs. "Fair enough," he said.

Ivanov pushed the pillow off her face and rolled over to look at Yuri. "What d'you mean it's normal, anyway?" she asked. "How would you know?"

Yuri realized he'd never told Ivanov about his childhood. "I grew up in a brothel," he said. "Mama was a whore. Pretty common theme from the johns."

"Oh," Ivanov said. Thankfully, she didn't seem either surprised or disgusted. Yuri hadn't really thought she would, but it was always a possibility. "Yeah, all right, I guess you'd have a decent sample to draw from, then. Old Town?" Ivanov asked, and Yuri nodded. "You don't talk like it."

Yuri shrugged. "Makes things worse, usually," he said. "Recruiters thought it made me sound stupid."

"Sure," Ivanov said. "I won't pretend I don't talk a little more proper when I'm in uniform." She poked Yuri's side. "But I ain't gonna judge you for it."

"It's easier not to go back and forth," Yuri said.

"I s'pose," Ivanov said. She poked Yuri's side again. "It is part of why I thought you couldn't be that good in a fight, though."

Yuri thought about that for a moment. He said, "'S good tactics, then, innit?"

Ivanov burst into laughter. "Shut the fuck up," she said, shoving him.

[qzwrites]

this is technically spoilers for payment in kind, but i don't think "they defeat the demon lord and live happily ever after" is much of a spoiler for a fantasy romance

---

Taryn gritted her teeth against the contraction, taking deep, slow breaths, and probably crushing Arai's hand to smithereens.

"Come on, boss, you can do it," Arai said, as if his hand was not being crushed. That meant nothing; Arai could martyr himself on a bed of nails without sounding pained if it meant making things easier for Taryn or Beale. "You killed the Demon Lord and closed the Hell Gate, you can have this baby."

"You killed the Demon Lord," Taryn pointed out, "and Beale closed the Hell Gate."

Arai didn't miss a beat. "Then you're due for a win," he said.

Taryn took a slow, careful breath. "Arai," she said, "I love you, but I fucking hate you sometimes."

"Sure, boss," he said, taking her statement about as seriously as it merited. "You gave me a soul mate, a mom, and a baby, but you hate me."

"You don't have the baby yet," she said. "Maybe I'll keep it." He laughed, which made Taryn laugh, which was a nice distraction until the damn baby--or maybe her damn body--did something which caused a sharp pain.

"You got this," Arai said.

[qzwrites]

Sergeant Arevin did start out his life as Sergeant Bothari with the serial numbers filed off, but in order for Helen to be who she needs to be for the main romance story, her dad had to be slightly different. I think the biggest thing I explicitly changed, even from my own initial imaginings, is that Yuri is bi or pan or whatever, if in a more apathetic way than anything else. His later aversion to men is more about trauma and sexual assault than anything else.

So it is not, actually, as difficult for him to be into Jaz as everyone (including me lol) thought at first. Jaz is hot, Jaz can more or less hold zeir own in combat, including hand-to-hand, and possibly if Jaz had been more interested in topping/domming Arevin would have been more hesitant, but by the time ze says anything in main continuity Arevin is one of the few people not directly involved who is aware that when Jaz has sex with zeir father-in-law, ze calls him Daddy, so. He correctly infers that Jaz's interest runs more to the "being held down by a strong older man" than the inverse. (Especially since ze brings it up at the end of a sparring session when he's got zem pinned, and it is not hard for Yuri to realize ze's horny about it.)

Anyway I didn't really see any reason for Jaz to get so directly involved in Arevin's sex life if ze never actually had sex with him, and I couldn't think of any other decent ways for him to meet Maria. Certainly none of them were as funny as Jaz happening to run into her while she's throwing someone out of her bar for being a bigot, calling him a slur, and then saying "no offense" to Jaz.

So Jaz fucks him and eventually is like, oh my god I cannot believe how much this man needs and will not go to therapy about this. Where does one find a kinky bitch who can fight him off if needed but is also not a man on this Godforsaken planet, because if he won't go to therapy then he at least needs to keep fucking someone who is actually into him.

(Then, of course, once he has a girlfriend who is only marginally less fucked-up than him, he's like. Damn I better get some therapy about this shit, and Jaz and Delara high-five)

Jaz checks in about fucking zeir husband's childhood bodyguard

I wrote before about how I think Jaz wouldn't actually ask about fucking Sgt. Arevin (Sr.) in the main continuity, but upon reflection...yeah ze would it would just take longer.

The amazing thing here is that Arevin eventually said yes, but the man is in his 60s and no one has ever, like, wanted to have sex with him, as far as he can tell? And Jaz is very hot.

---

"Hey, babe?"

"Mm?"

"How would you feel about me fucking Arevin?"

He looked up at zem, squinting. "What a question," he said. "Why would you want to?"

Jaz laughed. "Come on," ze said. He continued to look puzzled and concerned. "He's hot," ze said.

"Darling, I love the man, but he is, at best, ugly."

"Well, yeah," Jaz said. "That doesn't mean he can't be hot, though. He could kick anyone's ass, and the only reason he doesn't is your parents won't let him. That's hot."

"I see," Sasha said. Jaz poked him in the side. He smirked at zem. "Sometimes I think you're too kinky for me."

"Uh huh," Jaz said. "Remind me again why you can't have penta? Who did you wax poetic about?"

"Shut up," Sasha said, laughing. 

"It's only different because he's like your family," Jaz said. "If he was someone else's barely-restrained killing machine, you'd be thinking about him when I topped you."

"Fine, yes, you may have a point," he said, as if he wasn't blushing now. "You can ask, I suppose. He is pretty resolutely heterosexual, though. Oh, and he does--" He frowned. "Has anyone told you why Father adopted him?"

"The shitty ex, right?"

"Yes," Sasha said. "Boris was... enamored of the sergeant's response to violence."

"Oh, no," Jaz said. "Tell me they didn't."

"No, Arevin was one of Boris's projects after Father," Sasha said. "Thankfully. But he was directly involved in some of his worst exploits. I'm fairly sure he considers himself a rapist."

That, at least, was unsurprising; Delara called Boris Kasharik a prolific sexual abuser. "Still?" Jaz asked. "Your mom hasn't explained otherwise?"

"He wants to believe her too much to believe her, I think," Sasha said. "Father might have better luck, but he might also dismiss a masochist's opinion as biased."

"And the fact that your parents let him raise you and encouraged him to adopt Helen means nothing?" Jaz asked. "You don't let a rapist babysit."

Sasha shrugged. "Boris's younger victims were still old enough to count as adults," he said. "I don't think he considers himself a danger to children."

"And there's no way to get him to a therapist, I suppose."

"Ordering him to go wouldn't do any good," Sasha said. "Mother did suggest it, when she finally got Father to go." He sighed. "He pointed out how unhelpful her own experience with therapy was."

"God," Jaz said. "Hard to argue with that one."

"Anyway," Sasha said, "if that didn't put you off, go ahead and shoot your shot."

"I can take care of myself, I think," Jaz said. "Even against him. Not that I think he's actually a threat, but...sexual trauma plus violent reflexes could be a problem if something goes wrong."

Sasha huffed a little amused breath. "You might be one of the only people who could safely disengage if something did go wrong."

"That's what all the years of merc work were for, actually," Jaz said. "So I could safely fuck traumatized old men."

"Thus the move to Kavagor," Sasha said, nodding. "Finally, it all makes sense. You're using me to access our population of veterans."

"You got it," Jaz said. "You're a very sexy means to an end, but only a bonus, really."

He sighed theatrically. "I always knew I'd wind up a trophy husband."

[qzwrites]

Arevin family background

So changing some of the things about the set-up for Jaz and Sasha to meet necessarily meant changing some things about the backstory I stole from the Vorkosigan Saga. One of the decisions I made early on was that I didn't want Helen (Elena, if you couldn't guess) to be a romantic interest for Sasha at all, and to have her own things going on. I also thought, if Sasha and Helen are several years older and Sasha has gone through the entire Academy before getting drummed out, it really would be silly for Sergeant Arevin to come with them. So he's actually at home, fretting about Baby Girl's First Big Bodyguard Job Solo, safe and sound.

And I mean, since I'm not starting with Delara and Emil's courtship, and Arevin is just like. Taken for granted in the household in order to keep some plot elements equivalent (which simply makes rewriting the civil war bits of The Warrior's Apprentice easier for me, lol) there was no reason I needed to keep some of the more problematic elements of his/Helen's backstory the same.

So rather than the product of rape, Helen is simply adopted. This is not to say Sergeant Yuri Arevin didn't rape people, but he didn't do it without Boris Kasharik pushing him into it and setting it up. (I also think it is just wildly unrealistic that an adult soldier capable of getting pregnant would not be using birth control. Like I guess based on the pregnancy fetish thing they could have removed implants or whatever, but like. Come on. That's harder to cover up.)

Anyway, rather than the product of rape that Arevin feels ~responsible~ for, Helen was simply born at the same brothel Arevin was born at, to a woman Arevin had definitely hired in the past, and who didn't make it through Helen's birth or infancy. The Petrovs were at the time already pregnant, and Arevin was specifically looking for something to help ground him and maybe deal with his trauma a little bit without, like, going to therapy (which on Kavagor at this time would have been...difficult to find). A baby needed adoption from what is essentially his family, and he would have the example of the two people he trusted the most in the world to follow as far as parenting went, and if he had to take care of a child he wouldn't be able to space out and lose time so much. So he adopts Helen without bothering to check if she is biologically related to him, because it's plausible and the brothel can't really afford to have that young a child hanging around.

When Helen is a child, people are like "IDK if she's related to you man she's pretty good-looking and you're. not." but as she hits puberty and becomes A Big Girl it seems more likely she is, in fact, Arevin's daughter. He literally never bothers to check, because he figures she's his daughter either way, and neither does Helen, for the same reason. What's the alternative, finding out she has a biological father who visited a brothel ten months before she was born and almost certainly was not expecting a baby to result from it? What good does that do her? If she was very lucky, this would be a man who wasn't shitty, but like. The odds of just gaining some controlling adult Kavagoran who feels entitled to boss her around are too high.

Arevin is also either less of a traditionalist butthead than Bothari, or Helen is more stubborn than Elena. This is probably helped by the fact that Helen does get Large, so when she's like "yeah I'm gonna be an armsman and bodyguard like my papa" he doesn't go "Aww sweetie, girls don't do that," he goes. Well let's see if you like it.

This is also a practical decision, since by this point she and Sasha are as close as siblings but she is much more physically capable than he is, and having someone his age to ride herd on him that is both willing and able to like. Pick him up and carry him away from bad decisions sounds great. That also leaves Sergeant Arevin more free to do his duties for Emil and the household, rather than babysitting the kids all the time.

So by the time Helen and Sasha meet Jaz on the Stolas, Helen is Sasha's full-time bodyguard and sworn in as a man-at-arms. They had to fight with the tailor to get her official livery, but she has it. They got around how annoyed the Baron was by having her sworn to Sasha directly, so she isn't a House armsman, she's Sasha's personal guard.

Helen does take liberties and talk to Sasha in a manner her father would never address Emil or Delara--or tbh even Sasha, once he's an adult--but she also has a strong handle on Work Mode and being properly formal when it's necessary. Which does sometimes surprise people when they don't know she and Sasha grew up together and they overhear them when they're off-duty, and Helen is like "You little shit, you promised to warn me," because like. Yeah that's her boss and her liege lord but he is also effectively her little brother.

Yuri Arevin is very much still inclined to cling to traditional rules, because they at least provide a framework through which to understand the world, but raising a GNC daughter alongside Obviously Bisexual Sasha (with his co-parents being Openly Bisexual Nobleman and Pansexual Gnillesian Scientist) means that he's less aggressively tightly wound up about some things. He is honestly much more upset that Helen comes home with a deserter boyfriend than that Sasha brought home Jaz, especially since Jaz quickly proves ze can fight and Delara loves zem. Helen has to be like "HEY. I didn't ask you. Fuck off." while Dimitri is like. Trying not to piss his pants.

(Jaz and Sasha both vouching for Dimitri probably helps also. Arevin never really Gets Dimitri, or why Helen likes him, but she has her own hang-ups from growing up a gender non-conforming girl on a very patriarchal planet that Arevin just. Very much does not have.) (Helen is like, I love my non-threatening queer engineer boyfriend who thinks my specific brand of gender is sexy and could never take me in a fight or want to, whereas Yuri Arevin Needs a partner he can trust to defend themselves against him if necessary and could never in a million years date someone who could not at least make him work for it in a sparring match.)

Helen and Yuri both do still fall into the themes I'm evidently working with in the Kavagoran project; Helen has a non-normative body and a non-normative gender presentation, despite being cis and straight-passing enough for Kavagor to pretend, while Yuri has a physically admirable body but a face and background that is undesirable, not to mention his extremely problematic sexual proclivities, both of which have led to some estrangement from his self. Helen, like Sasha, is extremely attractive and desirable...to people not from her home planet. Yuri has only ever been desirable for his usefulness, which unfortunately Emil and Delara don't do a whole lot to correct even though that is a misapprehension on his part, and he's just kind of written himself off as Intrinsically Bad when he's not playing a well-defined role.

Helen did manage to have a much less fraught relationship with her sexuality than her father, so when she can finally believe Dimitri actually likes the things about her that have historically made her undesirable to Kavagoran men, she's like, "Oh hell yes," and doesn't take much further convincing, whereas her father is in his sixties before he starts actually dealing with his shit.

And Helen at first tries to keep her distance from Maria, mostly because like, yeah her papa needs friends and apparently a girlfriend, but Helen doesn't want another entitled Kavagoran older than her trying to force her into a square hole. Maria is also pretty abrasive, but her obvious disinterest in having a maternal relationship with Helen makes it easier for them to get along. By the time Yuri realizes he wants to marry Maria, Helen is ready to take a bullet for her, because actually this crusty bitch of a trans woman has a lot in common with her and really sincerely loves her papa. Helen ends up yelling at the baroness and chasing her out of the fitting room while they're shopping for Maria's wedding dress, because the things this kind of butch older common trans woman needs in a wedding dress are not the kind of things a younger, more femme baroness needs.

I suspect that Maria bitches some times about how bigger tits would get her misgendered less, and Helen is like YOU'D THINK THAT, WOULDN'T YOU but noooo you wear trousers because that way you have fucking pockets and can ride a horse in a pinch and go into low-g environments without flashing everyone and no one even notices your tits, they're like Oh hello sir what can I do for you. And then they're swapping stories about times their goddamn haircuts apparently tricked people about their genders.

[qzwrites]

"I know," Jaz said. "I know, and I know if I talk about it with your mom and my moms and Maks and Danny they'll all agree, it'll all work out better for everyone if we have a first-born male heir and then make a fuss if our second is a runt. I still hate it. I want to have children and not worry about stupid Kavagoran gender roles."

"You knew what you were getting into," Sasha said. "Besides, he could always be trans! That would force the Council to make some decisions real fast."

Jaz snorted. "What's closer to a male heir, our transgender daughter or our baby runt? Think carefully, because we're not going to let you misgender either of them."

"That's the spirit," Sasha said.

---

Deciding to stay on Kavagor and bother everyone into being better people is not a decision Jaz takes a whole lot of time to make, but then ze realizes what ze's signed zeir children up for and is less sanguine about the situation.

However: the idea of forcing the heterobinarist patriarchal power structures of Kavagor to choose between a trans girl and an ambi as a substitute for a male heir is very funny

[qzwrites]

Like, Helen went to Gnilles with Sasha for school for a few years. She actually had a more standard experience with practical sex ed than he did (he chickened out of The Gay Shit; Helen was like "well I may as well try). She understands Gnillesians just fine, she's just not one.

But also, it is so different to be a teenager surrounded by teens and young adults hooking up with their friends, compared to an adult with adult friends, one of whom is really obviously having casual sex with your father. It doesn't bother Sasha, so Helen is like. This is none of my business, but also that stance is easier to hang onto when she doesn't have to hear about it, Jaz!!!

[qzwrites]

Helen had been a little annoyed and offended to be left completely out of the quest to find her father a girlfriend, but she had to admit Maria was perfect, and Helen would not have enjoyed evaluating women she met for suitability to date her papa.

Having met Maria, she got out her com and messaged Jaz. >Just met Maria. You nailed it, she is perfect for Papa. I'm so glad they did not find each other when I was still a kid.

An hour or so later, Jaz replied, >oh, they'd be INTOLERABLE if you were a teenager or child. >especially with how they've been going at it like teenagers themselves.

>Oh no, I hadn't even thought about that. Oh no.

>lol sorry not sorry! they both really needed someone to fuck who was actually excited about it! >not that i wasn't excited about fucking your dad. i very much enjoyed fucking your dad.

>Yes, thanks, I had noticed. There's no need to tell me ever again.

[qzwrites]

Maria/Arevin pt 1

do you ever imagine a woman so colorful you are compelled to write several thousand words about her having an extremely late-breaking sexual awakening

(sergeant arevin is sasha's childhood bodyguard and helen's father. he is...marginally less fucked up than bothari?)

---

"'Scuse me," someone grunted from the doorway to Jaz's right, and ze took a step back to let them out. It was a tall, thin, visibly trans woman bodily hauling a man out of a bar. The man was struggling, but his feet were barely touching the ground.

Jaz watched with some bemusement as the clocky woman threw the man into the street. "Woman enough to kick your ass, faggot!" she shouted at him, then glanced at Jaz. "No offense," she said.

"None taken," Jaz said.

"And stay the fuck outta my bar," the woman barked at the man she'd just thrown out. "'Less you can learn to keep your nasty comments to yourself! Piece of shit," she muttered, as the man scrambled to his feet and down the street.

"Pardon me, ma'am," Jaz said to her, "strange question, but are you single?"

She glanced at Jaz and snorted. "You couldn't handle me, kid," she said.

Jaz laughed. "I'm actually already married," ze said, "but I have a friend--a former fuck-buddy, actually--who I think might like you."

She took a closer look at Jaz. "You're one of them Petrov Gnillesians," she said after a moment.

Jaz, conscious of the fact that ze was wearing trousers, dipped into zeir daintiest curtsey. "At your service," ze said.

"You were fucking someone other than Lord Petrov?" the woman asked skeptically.

Jaz laughed. "Oh, ma'am," ze said. "Yeah, I was fucking people other than Sasha. I would've attempted Kavagoran-style monogamy if he asked, but thank God he did not."

She gave Jaz another once-over, then sneered at zem. "You think because someone fucked your pansy ass they won't mind a tranny, huh?" Considering she was taller than Jaz and had just carried an adult man with little apparent effort, Jaz was willing to let her call zem a pansy; she was clearly actually strong.

Jaz shrugged. "Mostly I think you just kicked that guy's ass and you're not a man, which are kind of the two main things he's looking for," ze said. "And I don't think you'd have any problem telling him to shut the fuck up when he's being...weird."

"Weird how?" she asked, frowning. She pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her back pocket, tapped one out, and set it between her lips. Then she offered Jaz the pack.

"No thanks," Jaz said. She shrugged and slid the pack back into her pocket before pulling a lighter out of a different pocket. Jaz said, "I mean, he's a Kavagoran man with war trauma and a chip on his shoulder about being in the service. Except he's also worked for the Petrovs for the last thirty years. What do you think?"

She lit the cigarette and took a drag before she answered. "Sounds interesting, at least," she said. "I appreciate you asking if I'm single, like I might not be," she added.

"I mean, I don't know you," Jaz said, with a shrug, "and if there's one thing I know people on this planet get offended by, it's acting like marital status doesn't have anything to do with if you're down to fuck."

The woman exhaled, nodding. "Name's Maria Ivanov," she said, looking at Jaz sidelong. "I am single, and I have to admit I'm curious as to who the fuck you think would find both of us equally attractive." She was delightful, Jaz thought.

"Jaz Arroyo Petrov," ze said, smiling. "Nice to meet you. Have you ever seen Baron or Baroness Petrov out somewhere with an armsman who looks like he got hit by a truck?" Jaz asked. Maria snorted and nodded. "That's the guy," Jaz said.

"Petrov's butt-ugly attack dog," Maria said.

"He's actually really sexy," Jaz said, "although I guess that relies on you being into the kind of shit I'm into."

Maria snorted. "That feels like a big if, kid," she said.

"It is," Jaz said. "Better chances here than back on Gnilles, though. I think."

"So rough shit, then," Maria said, smiling a little. "Well, I ain't opposed to that. Don't know if I'm 'into' it."

"Oh?" Jaz asked. Ze smirked. "You're trying to tell me you're a Kavagoran woman who isn't even a little bit into a man who's big and tough enough to just take what he wants?"

Maria sputtered on her cigarette. "Shit," she said, laughing, "yeah, okay, when you put it like that. Blood and bone." She waved a hand in front of her body, indicating herself. "Not really something I expected to come across." She was not quite as tall as Helen, and she hadn't seemed to struggle to carry an adult man out of the bar. Men who were bigger and tougher than her were rare, even on Kavagor.

"So it'd be an experience, at least," Jaz said.

"It would," Maria agreed. "What the hell, why not?"

*

Arevin was visibly just humoring Jaz when he agreed to meet Maria. He'd outright rolled his eyes when Jaz told him, "I met a lady I think you might like," which was a charming bit of rudeness he wouldn't have dreamed of letting zem see when Jaz first came home with Sasha.

Maria's schedule was a little weird, since she was a bartender and either managing the place for the owner or part-owner herself, but eventually she arranged to meet Jaz and Arevin at the Petrov's horse yard.

"Arevin," Jaz said when they were all there, "this is Maria."

Maria had made the unconventional choice to show up in trousers, but she had on a top with the criss-cross bust detailing of traditional Kavagoran blouses, as well as a light jacket that had machine embroidery down the front opening, around the collar, and on the sleeve cuffs. She had her hair pulled into an incongruously formal bun and had put on makeup. She wore a set of earrings that matched her necklace. She almost looked more obviously trans like that than she had throwing a bigot out of the bar. Jaz thought she was probably the bravest person ze'd ever met on Kavagor.

Arevin looked at her and said, "Not much to look at."

Jaz rolled zeir eyes. Evenly, though not really politely, Maria said, "You're not exactly a prize yourself, old man. But I guess you must be a decent armsman, for Baron Petrov to keep you around so long."

He grunted. "Arroyo said you could fight."

"Enlisted Mixed-Weight UAC Champ three years running," Maria said.

That appeared to confuse Arevin. He stared at Maria blankly for a few moments. Then he said, "Oh, you used to be a man."

Jaz closed zeir eyes. 

Maria laughed. "Are you going blind, old man? It ain't like I pass good."

"I just thought you were ugly," Arevin said, shrugging.

"Holy shit, Sarge," Jaz said. Ze was forced to reconsider the possibility that he had been trying to be polite to zem when Sasha first brought zem home, and was simply very bad at it.

Maria just laughed some more. "Ugly and stupid," she said. "What a combo. You brought me to a real winner, kid." She stripped off her jacket and handed it to Jaz. Her top was sleeveless, and her arms were the lean kind of muscular Jaz bet felt like iron. Then she reached up to take out her earrings, which was a good call; Arevin hated that Jaz wouldn't take zeirs out when they sparred. She turned and handed those to Jaz as well. Then she reached into her shirt and pulled out...her breasts? She handed those to Jaz, too, who took them reflexively, because when someone handed zem their fake boobs ze accepted them. Evidently. "Don't look at 'em like that, kid," she said, "I know they're not as fancy as yours, but they're the most expensive thing I own."

"Maria," Jaz said, "after you and Sarge are done sizing each other up, we're gonna go see Lady Sardavin and see about getting you some estrogen."

Maria snorted. "Yeah, sure, kid," she said.

Jaz put the earrings in zeir pocket, threw the jacket over zeir arm, and shuffled both breast forms into the cradle of one elbow so ze could pull out zeir com. "Danny," ze said the instant her voice mail would let zem speak, "I have no idea how to help someone get hormones on this planet but the woman I brought to meet Sarge just handed me her fake boobs with her earrings and now they're doing that circling thing. She didn't believe me when I told her I was going to see about getting her some estrogen. I just realized I don't know if she even knows about hormonal transition. Am I being presumptuous? Am I the privileged galactic asshole right now? This planet's got me so fucked up, Danny. Holy shit, I think Sarge is bleeding." Zeir com beeped in zeir ear. "Fuck, now I think you're calling me back," ze said, and scrambled to hang up without rejecting the incoming call.

"Hey, babe, what's up?" Daniil asked when Jaz managed to answer.

"I'm having a fucking episode is what's up," Jaz said. Arevin wiped the blood off his face while Maria rolled to her feet. Jaz saw why she had her hair up now; she had much more of it than Jaz did, and it would be either in her face or a handhold if it wasn't pinned to her head like that. Into the com, ze asked, "How hard is it for a normal person to get hormones on this planet? I'm assuming her veteran's benefits won't cover it."

Daniil snorted. "Yeah, no," she said. "Call back in about fifty years. Does she have money? Not nobility money, just regular money."

"Well," Jaz said, "she took out her fake boobs before she and Sarge started fighting, and she said they were the most expensive thing she owned, so I'm guessing not."

"She what? Jaz, what is happening?"

"I found the perfect woman for Helen's dad," Jaz said. "They are currently attempting to beat the hell out of each other. I wasn't really expecting them to go through with the fistfight but I guess this is what passes for a courting ritual on your world."

"For Helen's father? Sounds about right," Daniil said. "Did you say she was a veteran?"

"When he asked if she could fight, she said something about being a champion enlisted mixed-weight fighter," Jaz said. "Three years running. That's when Sarge clocked her as trans. She laughed at him because she doesn't really pass, but as far as he's concerned, if you're dressed as a woman, you're a woman."

"That is one of the few positive qualities I would ascribe to him, yes," Daniil said. Like her husband, she was not as attached to Arevin as the Petrovs proper were. "Okay, I bet she can get bloodwork done with the military benefits, that's good. I don't really want to take risks with someone else's organ function. Where are you? Petrov House?"

"The horse yard, yeah," Jaz said. "Knowing Sarge, I figured we should be somewhere not legally public. He's definitely having fun, at least."

"I don't understand why you're invested in him," Daniil said. "I'll be right over, give me like half an hour."

"You're the best, I love you," Jaz said.

"Damn right," Daniil said, sounding just like Yakov, "love you too." She ended the call.

Maria dodged out of the way of a feint and just managed to deflect the actual blow, but it knocked her off balance. Arevin had her on the ground in half a second, arms locked above her head with his. Maria laughed, wheezing a little. "You are good," she said. She struggled a little. "Strong." She wriggled a little more, this time in her lower body. It looked fairly obscene. "Feels like you got a pretty big dick, too." She shouted, "Hey, kid! Why didn't you list a big dick as one of his selling points?"

"I don't know that it is," Jaz called back, walking over to them. "Coupla times I would've appreciated a slightly smaller dick."

"Liar," Arevin said, releasing Maria's arms. He rolled off of her to get to his feet.

Maria didn't get up, just rolled onto her back, grinning. "Seems to me," she said to Jaz, "if you're looking for masochists, a big dick's gotta be a plus. Even if it isn't, it hurts, so it is."

Arevin snorted as he stood, then extended a hand to help Maria up. God, he didn't do that for anyone but Sasha and Emil. And Delara, probably, although Jaz had never seen her spar with anyone.

Maria eyed his proffered hand. "It is so tempting to yank you back down here," she said.

"You're too out of shape to go again," Arevin said.

She laughed. "Bones, ain't that right! I haven't worked so hard since I took my twenty," she said, and took his hand. She grunted a bit as she got to her feet, but she didn't try to throw him, and he didn't drop her. Unless Jaz was mistaken, that meant ze was now a qualified Kavagoran match-maker. Specializing in weird, violent veterans. Which was at least a bigger demographic on Kavagor than back home.

"Daniil's on the way to talk about hormone therapy," Jaz said, "because I don't know shit about your awful health care system." Ze handed over Maria's boobs, then her jacket, then her earrings. While Maria reassembled herself, Jaz asked, "Should we go up to the house and see if Ma's got anything in the fridge?"

"Don't you dare introduce me to no Petrovs," Maria said, putting in her earrings. "Not when we just been rolling in the dirt." Her top was a little grass-stained, and there was mud on both her trousers and Arevin's.

"If they're in the kitchen, they are but humble supplicants to Ma Eshman, the cook," Jaz said. "Simply an old guy and a bunch of dirty galactics." Ze laughed when Arevin made the face he always made when ze said things like that. "It's a term of endearment, Sarge."

"It's not," Arevin said.

Maria laughed. "Coming from the kid?" she asked. "I'm sure it is. Ze said you were really sexy, so you know something's wired wrong in zeir head."

"I prefer to think of it as a fresh perspective," Jaz said haughtily. Maria laughed again.

They were just sitting down to sandwiches and fresh lemonade, because Ma Eshman couldn't help herself, when Daniil swanned through the door in one of her hugely poofy skirt outfits. "Hello!" she said. "Good afternoon, Ma Eshman, oh, is that fresh lemonade? You are a wonder. Sergeant, Jaz, ma'am, I'm afraid with all the personal information ze was telling me Jaz somehow neglected your name." She glared at zem as she sat down at the kitchen table. Her hair was still growing out, but her skirt doubled her size and her tits were on prominent display in the coordinating top.

"Er, Maria, my lady." She kicked Jaz under the table.

"Daniil is explicitly not a Petrov, she's a Sardavin," Jaz said, since that must have been what the kick was about, "and what did I tell you about the kitchen? This is a class-free zone. There's Ma Eshman at the top, then whoever she's got doing errands for her, and then the rest of us common plebians begging for scraps."

"So true," Daniil said, taking a sandwich. "It's wonderful to meet you, Maria; do you even want hormones? It didn't sound as if Jaz asked," she said, again glaring at zem. Since ze'd realized that zemself, ze wasn't offended. If Daniil thought casting zem as the bad guy was the right play for a Kavagoran audience, she was probably right.

"Didn't think I could afford them," Maria said with a shrug. "And even if I could, don't the doctors make you do all sorts of stupid shit, like therapy and cutting your dick off? I know it ain't the most impressive piece of meat, but we still been through a lot together. Don't know if I'm willing to chop it off."

"I'd love to tell you that's not true, but it more or less is," Daniil said. "Which is why I manufacture my own hormones and get my blood work done through means I can't discuss in front of anyone still in the Imperial Service, except for my husband."

"Ah," Maria said, smiling and relaxing a bit.

Still, Jaz felt obligated to point out, "Therapy isn't stupid."

Daniil sighed. "Jaz," she said. "Do you think there is any chance a therapist who accepts military benefits will actually know or care about informed consent?"

"Fair," Jaz said. "But in general."

"Yes, medical care you can trust is great," Daniil said, rolling her eyes. "This is not the planet, Jaz."

Arevin frowned at Jaz. "Wasn't it therapists who thought milady was brainwashed and tried to lock her up?"

Right, he knew about that. "Okay," Jaz said, holding zeir hands up in surrender, "so Gnillesian therapists are bad at war therapy and Kavagoran therapists are bad at gender therapy."

"Excuse me, when was this?" Daniil asked.

"After Vilvinudes," Jaz said. "My history lessons in school were mixed about if she was nuts or it was a star-crossed lovers thing, but these days they mostly agree she was right and they fucked up."

"'Mostly'," Maria said, rolling her eyes. "They been married since the week she got here!"

"Milord is still a [bogeyman] to many Gnillesians," Arevin said. Maria shook her head.

"Anyway," Daniil said, flapping a hand, "all that aside, the main reason to get blood work done is to make sure your liver and kidneys are processing everything okay and not getting overstressed. It's nice to monitor your actual estrogen and progesterone levels versus your testosterone, but since HRT has visible effects from the outside, it's not as medically necessary. So you can probably get the blood work covered at your clinic or the military hospital, especially if you have any other medications or history of drug use."

Maria snorted. "I was a grunt," she said. "'Course I got a history of drug use."

"That's what I was hoping," Daniil said brightly. "If you're not already monitoring your levels, it shouldn't be hard to get your docs to do it."

"I'm getting older, I gotta look after my health," Maria said, nodding.

"Exactly," Daniil said. "Surgery's a whole other thing I can't help with, because I'm not about to go to actual medical school, but that's also still a thing you want to wait on, right, Jaz?"

"Depending on the surgery, I think," Jaz said. "You don't want to get a boob job while your boobs are still coming in, but I think if you want to get rid of your gonads, you can do that whenever."

"Hmm," Daniil said. She leaned back in her chair. "I suppose the best options for surgeons who listen to you are going to be off-world."

"I assume," Jaz said. "Especially for you."

Daniil laughed. "I didn't think I'd find anyone here willing to do a PPV," she said. "But just now I was thinking about an orchie."

"Ah," Jaz said. "Yeah, I don't know. I know they can do pretty impressive trauma reconstructions here, but I have to assume they're more used to preserving testicles than getting rid of them."

"You could go to a vet for that," Maria said. "Still do it to horses and livestock all the time."

Daniil shook her head. "They'd be putting their license at risk," she said. "Especially since most veterinarians are still commoners. It wouldn't be worth it to do illegal surgery on me. Especially not now that I'm Lady Sardavin."

"Oh," Maria said, looking enlightened, "you're the Tamarov kid everyone thought was a fag who somehow seduced Lady Sveta's son."

Daniil laughed. "That is the sweetest way anyone has ever failed to recognize me," she said. "Yeah, I decided it was easier to avoid fighting my family about it when Yakov didn't mind everyone thinking he was gay for a few months. I'd actually started hormones more than a year earlier, and I was kind of wondering what it would take for them to notice." She drew a line under her boobs with one hand. "These were getting rather hard to hide."

"Besides, Danny is a fag who somehow seduced Yakov," Jaz said. "Although yeah, I'm sure already having the tits helped."

Daniil smiled, her cheeks dimpling. "He is a simple man, my Yakov," she said.

Maria stared at Daniil, like she needed to re-evaluate her. Eventually, she asked, "You can get me estrogen?" Daniil nodded. "What, just out of some kind of tranny sisterhood?"

Daniil shrugged. "You can think of it as a favor to Jaz, if you'd rather."

"I'd feel like I'm cheating you," Maria said. "Getting something for nothing."

Jaz nodded. "I'd offer to fuck her for it," ze said, "but I'd do that anyway."

"Blood, kid, how many people besides your husband are you fucking?"

Jaz shrugged. "It's normal back home to fuck your friends," ze said. "Sasha doesn't mind." Truthfully, Sasha rather liked it, but that was still something he wouldn't publicize widely.

"Don't worry," Daniil to Maria absently, "Sasha fucks other people too." She drummed her fingers on the table next to her plate. "Do you smoke?" she asked Maria.

"Yeah, but they're Imps," she said. "Doc told me those don't fuck with your heart as bad."

Daniil grinned. "Perfect," she said. "I mean, yes, if you smoked domestics, I'd strongly suggest you stop, but if you could hook me up with your supplier...? Or be a go-between. I'd appreciate it."

"So it ain't just black market hormones, huh?" Maria asked, smiling. "Yeah, I can do that."

"As much as I adore using Sardavin money to bribe people," Daniil said, "sometimes you don't want that kind of attention. Tusmoen cigarettes are a more manageable exchange rate in my circles anyway."

Maria laughed. "I bet," she said.

They exchanged com codes, and then Jaz excused Daniil and zemself, leaving Maria and Arevin alone at the kitchen table.

"Where the hell did you find her?" Daniil asked, giggling. "She is wonderful."

Jaz laughed. "She's a crusty old bitch," ze said. "Isn't she perfect? She had him working for it in the fight, too. I came across her on the street, beating up a bigot. She called him a faggot, then looked at me and said, 'No offense.'"

Daniil laughed. "Of course she did."

*

"So," Maria said when the kids left them. "You want to give it a go?"

"If you're not just humoring Arroyo," Arevin said.

Maria snorted again. "If a hot young slut like that says you're a good lay, I'll take that bet," she said. She grinned at him. "And I already know you got a good job. Sure, you'll hit a gal, but I can hit back."

Ma Eshman interrupted, "No funny business in my kitchen." She went around the table, collecting the plates and glasses. "Even if it is funny funny business. That's what the rest of the damn house is for."

"Yes, ma'am," Maria said reflexively, and found Arevin echoing her. They stood, and Maria followed him into the house proper.

As he led her to a narrow servant's stair, he murmured, "That woman's younger than me, and still makes me feel like I'm a misbehaving child."

Maria laughed. "A cook in her kitchen is higher'n the Emperor hisself," she quoted.

The bedroom he took her to was too small to be anything but a servant's room in a house like this, but it was nice. Neat, and clean. There were enough personal touches it didn't feel like a hotel room, but all it told you about the man who slept in it was that he had a child and an Imperial commendation, both of which were things Maria already knew. It was dominated by a large bed with nice bedding on it. Maria wondered if the kid had anything to do with that; ze was nice enough, but probably pretty prissy.

Arevin went and stood by the desk. Apparently they had more talking to do. Maria stayed near the door, more out of habit than any real concern. That, and there was nowhere to sit but the bed and the desk. After a moment, Arevin said, "I don't know how much Arroyo told you."

"You're easier to look up than most," Maria said. He didn't have an encylopedia page of his own, although he did have a pretty sizable section on Emil Petrov's. "But when I realized the kid was trying to hook me up with Petrov's attack dog, I did, you know, have an idea what I was getting into."

"Ah," Arevin said. After a moment, he added like it was a question, "You're still here."

Maria shrugged. "Twenty years ago, I might've bailed," she said. Though, twenty years ago she wouldn't have agreed to go back to a man's room for sex no matter who that man was. "But he let you babysit his kid, which I figure means that pardon wasn't only outta guilt. Besides," she said, a little more softly, "I did a tour on Ebatur, when I was fresh outta basic. And I'm not too proud of some of that."

He just looked at her for a moment, then huffed a little, tiny laugh. "Yeah," he said.

"So are we doing this thing, or do I gotta pick a fight to get you in the mood?" Maria asked.

He jerked his head toward the bed, so Maria shrugged out of her jacket, hung it on one of the hooks next to the door, and headed for it.

He immediately went for the hem of her shirt. Maria slapped his hands. "Shit, I know I ain't no lady," she said, "but I ain't a whore, neither. An ounce of fucking romance, please?"

He froze in place, looking up at her completely blankly.

The kid told Maria he was weird, and he seemed to have met Petrov through the infamous Boris Kasharik, so who knew what he thought sex was normally like. She hadn't found any information about who the mother of his daughter was anywhere, but the rumor mill fetched up an old tidbit about her being a whore's get, and it hadn't been hard to find out Arevin was himself a whore's son. "Sorry," she said, mentally kicking herself for letting her tongue run away with her. "Nothing wrong with whores. I just meant I'd like some kissing first."

"Oh," Arevin said. He kept staring at her, though. After an eternity where Maria wondered what the hell was wrong with wanting to be kissed, he said, "I've never done that."

"What?" she asked.

He cleared his throat. "I've never kissed a willing woman."

"Oh," Maria said. She settled her arms on his shoulders. "I can't imagine it's much different," she said. "And to be frank, it's the only part I don't got bad associations with myself, so I'd appreciate including it."

He set his hands on her hips, frowning a little. He looked so out of his depth, confronted with the idea of kissing her, especially compared to how unhesitating he'd been when they were fighting. Emperor help her, but it was kind of cute. She leaned in to do the hard part for him, lining up their mouths and trying to avoid being impaled on his giant beak of a nose. At first, it was like kissing a statue, but he relaxed after a moment.

He wasn't exactly a good kisser, having not done it for nearly thirty years (because she sure fucking hoped upstanding Regent-turned-Prime-Minister Petrov hadn't been letting him kiss unwilling women), but kissing wasn't 5-D math. His hands slid around to grab her ass, and that was pretty nice.

Maria hadn't really expected to enjoy kissing Arevin. She barely enjoyed kissing any of the people she kissed before, but there were a few key differences between that and this, such as her and him. She'd always before been kissing someone who thought she was a man, and that someone had always been a woman. It turned out that even being potentially attracted to someone made a difference when it came to kissing. Go figure.

Arevin pulled back. In an even rougher voice than his usual throat full of gravel, he asked, "Now can I take your clothes off?"

Maria's stomach flipped over. "Yes, please," she said, surprised at how fucking maidenly she sounded.

He undressed her efficiently, without comment, although he did duck in and kiss her in between steps. He also kissed her throat, her chest, and her stomach as he uncovered them. Maria had no idea if he would have done that before she asked for kissing, but she liked it either way.

He let her deal with her own underwear, which was just as well since her boobs were sticking to her chest. He undressed himself even more efficiently, and Maria had to admit, it did improve the view. His face was homely at best, but his body was a pretty damn good one. And he was partially hard already, which was flattering even if it was just a physical reaction to rolling around on the ground, talking about sex, then making out.

Maria thought she felt naked when she took out her boobs earlier, but that was nothing next to being actually naked in front of a man. She was self-conscious of fucking everything: her flat chest, the stubble on her cheeks and chest, the breadth of her shoulders. The Gnillesian kid had broad shoulders and narrow hips, but ze also had great tits and a trim little waist. Lady Sardavin was fat, but even if that big skirt made her look curvier than she was, she had big tits to go with it. Whereas Maria was a fucking scarecrow with long hair.

Arevin barely even looked at her once they were both naked; he shoved Maria back onto his bed and climbed on top of her. The bloody kid was right; feeling like he was taking her was going straight to Maria's head and dick. He ran his hands over her like he was mapping unfamiliar terrain. He grabbed her non-existent tits, which was embarrassing even though she liked it. Then he kissed her again.

He still wasn't a very good kisser, but he was enthusiastic. Maria found it difficult to doubt the sincerity of a man doing such a middling job with such gusto.

He ventured a kiss to her neck, which was scratchy with his stubble. It made Maria shiver, which was a new reaction. He took it as encouragement, and started all but gnawing on her. That was a little more like she'd expected, but it did surprise her how much she liked it. She found herself helplessly letting out little moans and gasps, like some damsel getting ravished in old-fashioned porn.

Arevin nibbled his way down her neck to her chest. He only licked and sucked at her nipples for a few seconds before she said, "Not there, it's depressing."

He grunted acknowledgement and moved down to her ribs, which hurt more but still somehow felt better. Then his mouth was on her stomach, her hips--such as they were--and she was rather looking forward to him getting to her thighs, which were surely biteable, but instead he pressed his lips to her dick.

She sucked in a sharp breath. "Shit," she said, "you don't gotta."

Arevin paused. He looked up at her, nearly expressionless. "Do you not want me to?" he asked.

"Did I say that?" she demanded. "If you're willing to, be my fucking guest, I only--oh, shit!"

He was better at sucking dick than he was at kissing, which Maria was going to hope had more to do with the Gnillesian kid than whatever Kasharik made him do. It certainly seemed like a less rusty skill.

He got her right up to the verge of orgasm, then stopped abruptly. Maria pounded her heels on his back. "You bastard," she said, "I was two seconds from coming!"

He shrugged. "Didn't know if you'd let me keep going after you finished."

"What, you think I can't take it?" Maria demanded. "Don't pretend you stopped fucking the kid after one orgasm."

"Arroyo has a cunt," Arevin said. "No refractory period." After a moment, he added, "Despite what ze might've said, I would like you to enjoy yourself."

Maria smiled. "Uh huh," she said. "C'mere."

Looking a bit bemused, he obeyed her beckoning gesture. He was obviously surprised when she kissed him. He was really not used to affection, huh? Maria was sure the kid was fun in bed, but even attack dogs wanted to be pet. Just because ze was already married was no excuse not to kiss a fuck-buddy.

Arevin kissed back more aggressively now. He was rock-hard against her, his dick hot and digging into the crease of her hip and leg. Maria had barely even done anything but let him touch her. He'd gotten like that just sucking her dick. Probably that had more to do with him than with her, but it was still nice. It made her feel sexier than any girl cooing over her arms or begging for her dick ever had.

"You gonna fuck me?" she mumbled, in between kisses. "It ain't the one you're used to, but I still got a hole to put your dick in."

He growled and bit her lip. "I have fucked plenty of women in the ass," he said. After a moment, he added, "And Arroyo."

"Then why aren't you?" Maria asked. "You got me all worked up and now you're not even doing anything about it." That wasn't true, he was rocking against her and still running his hands over her chest and sides. It wasn't exactly traditional sex, but she'd enjoyed herself well enough doing the same thing before. She guessed it would be even better with him.

He growled again, and moved to kiss her neck some more. That offered support for her guess; she couldn't help thrusting her hips up into him as he worried at her neck.

Eventually, he pulled away and rolled over to one side of the bed to pull open a nightstand drawer, from which he pulled lube and a condom.

"What's the raincoat for?" Maria asked. "I ain't gonna get pregnant."

He stopped what he was doing and looked at her. After a moment, he said, "Milady insists on them. Er," he blinked, evidently trying to recall the rationale behind a long-internalized order. "Disease prevention," he said finally.

"I guess," Maria said, although she guessed Baron Petrov's right hand man got tested and treated regular, while she had spent years practicing the best sexual hygiene of all: celibacy. But it'd also prevent an ass full of spunk, which she had not been particularly looking forward to experiencing if he finished inside her.

For a while, it seemed like the condom might be unnecessary. He spent so damn long fingering her she thought he must have gone soft, even though he somehow managed to keep her on edge the whole time. She hadn't given that much thought to this part before, except as a means to an end. Arevin may as well have been given special Imperial orders to finger her asshole for all the gravity and tenacity with which he approached the task.

She was once again on the brink of orgasm when he withdrew. "Swear to Mad Old Ivan I'm going to fucking kill you if you do that one more time," she said, craning her head up so she could see to aim her kick.

Instead, she saw him rolling a condom onto his dick, which didn't seem to have flagged at all that whole time. He looked up at her with dark eyes and said, "I won't."

Maria was reminded when he started pushing into her that his dick was bigger than anything she'd ever had inside her, so perhaps the length of time he spent fingering her wasn't wholly to torment her with an orgasm ever-out-of-reach. It was absurd, actually, that it could even fit in her. She wasn't sure there was room for any other thoughts in her head, let alone space in her body.

It was without question the best thing she'd ever felt in her life. She could not believe how much better it was than letting her girlfriends use their sex toys on her. Sure, it probably helped that she was the only woman involved in the equation, but tap-dancing zombie Emperor, this was a whole other experience.

He settled on top of her, cock buried in her up to her bloody guts, and kissed her again. Possibly he was a real quick study, or possibly Maria's standards had taken a nosedive owing to her complete preoccupation with her newfound calling as a sheath for this man's cock; it was fantastic, and she wrapped her arms around him in order to press as much of her body against his as possible.

Then he started moving.

"Oh fucking hell," Maria swore. "Shitting motherfucking bones, that feels good."

"Good," Arevin grunted.

"Oh, fuck," she said. "Blood. Fuck!"

Maria had no idea how long they went on like that. It felt like an age--the best bone-sworn age of her life--but knew from experience the actual dick-in-a-hole bit usually didn't go much longer than ten or fifteen minutes. She wouldn't have minded it lasting longer, that was for sure, even if she did feel like she couldn't breathe with Arevin's cock pushing all the air out of her lungs.

She had a wild orgasm, or possibly two nigh-simultaneous orgasms considering the order of events and how intense it was, and lost the ability to hang onto him. He paused. Maria patted his face, aiming for but not entirely landing on his cheek, and said, "If you wanna keep going, go ahead."

He grunted, and did.

Despite how thoroughly fucked-out and relaxed Maria was, she was starting to get a little uncomfortable right where, you know, her asshole was experiencing the greatest friction. Thankfully, as she started to contemplate saying something, Arevin slammed his cock into her one last time and gasped.

Once he went limp atop her, Maria said, "Bones, you're sweaty." She jostled him. "Come on, I don't want you laying on me just because you're the best lay I ever had."

He grumbled, reached down between them to pull out without losing the condom, and rolled off her. He disposed of the condom before asking, "Best you ever had?"

"Don't get too excited," Maria said, "my sample size is one."

He blinked at her, then asked, "You were a virgin?"

"Of fucking course not, I'm fifty-eight," Maria said. Bones, imagine if she'd gone all that time not getting laid at all. "But it was all, you know, with women. As a man. Or, trying to be a man," she said, even though that wasn't necessarily right either. "It wasn't very...I kind of checked out, you know?"

He nodded, jerkily.

"Yeah, I bet you do," Maria said softly. She expected there were a lot of folks who survived being around Boris Kasharik by checking out of what they were doing. "Anyway, they weren't really what I would call good times."

"But this was."

She grinned at him. "Very good," she said. "You wanna do it again sometime, I'd be real happy to oblige."

He looked at her for a moment before he said, "I'd like that."

*

>dam kid, you undersold it

>is sex sposed to be that good??? was i doin it rong???

>i mean i was, i was fuckin girls an kinda not there for it but holy SHIT

Jaz giggled. "What?" Daniil asked. Jaz angled zeir com so Daniil could read it. Daniil did so, then laughed. "Blood, really? I mean, good job, I guess."

"I guess I should have figured I was helping two people with weird sex baggage," Jaz said, sending Maria back an assortment of celebratory pictograms. "Not just one."

"Probably," Daniil said. "Most trans women on this planet are not going to have a long and storied career as a slutty townie."

"So sad," Jaz said, shaking zeir head.

[qzwrites]

hari and fatima get together relatively early, and date for a long time before actually getting married. hari is the third person in the village to marry into the trade fleet, and certainly not the last.

(mara has to have a conversation with zawar, the trade fleet god, and clarify that he's not trying to move in on zawar's territory, they don't worship him, he's just like. literally related to a bunch of them now) (the trade fleet kids for hundreds of years grow up able to recognize "great-grandpa mara" better than literally anyone else mortal)

it takes a lot longer for bernie to meet the woman she winds up marrying, who is ace.

idk yet how things turn out for lind!

[qzwrites]

Hari's future wife

Look, you start out with a village full of heretics and queer freaks, and you try to raise your kids to be good people, you're gonna end up adopting a bunch of queer and trans kids (and adults).

explicit but not porny

---

Hari had just started kissing her way down Mirza's chest with the aim of getting her mouth on his cock when he blurted out, "I have to tell you something."

Hari paused, looking up at him. "Not really the best time for it, sunshine?"

"Sorry, I'm--I have to," Mirza said. "It has to be now."

Hari frowned. She pulled back, sitting up and crossing her legs. This wasn't the first time they'd fooled around, but it was the first time they'd had enough time for them both to get undressed. Hari had really been looking forward to having the orgasm with Mirza actually there, instead of on her own in her room after he had to leave. But one reason she'd gone so long having kind of frustrating dates with Mirza was that she really liked him. If he wanted to stop and talk, Hari would stop and talk. First of all, she trusted his judgement, and second of all, she didn't want to give him any reason to doubt hers. "Okay," she said. "What is it?"

Mirza's mouth moved silently for a moment, then he swallowed, licked his lips, and said, "I think I'm actually a girl."

Hari took a moment to parse that, at first thrown because she had quite strong evidence that Mirza had a penis--sue her, she wasn't expecting to have meaningful conversation after they both got naked--then realized he probably meant the way Aunt Kay was a girl, even though she'd gone the first four years of her life being treated as male.

"Oh," Hari said. "Do you not want me to suck you off, then?"

Mirza covered his face with his hands. Or--her face with her hands, probably? Nonna and Amora used ze pronouns, and Lind never stopped using he, but Auntie Kay had started using she in the middle of her first conversation with Nonna. Hari would have to ask, but she thought Mirza being a girl would probably mean she wanted to be called she.

Mirza covered her face with her hands. "Zawar, I want that so much," she said. "But I didn't want--I didn't want to keep going without telling you? It felt like lying."

Hari stroked Mirza's leg. "It's not like I mind or anything, sunshine," she said. "I've been with girls before."

"I know," Mirza said, lowering her hands. "And I know your family is kind of--better than mine about stuff like this, but I still worried it might make you change your mind."

"I mean, maybe if I cared about that? But I don't," Hari said. Possibly it was having three parents who didn't consider someone's gender a factor in whether they were attracted to them, but Hari found people like Danny and Chiamaka, who did care, rather baffling. "And, sunshine, I really like you. You'd have to try harder than that to scare me off."

Mirza laughed. "I'm not planning on it," she said.

"Good, then," Hari said. She grinned. "Can I suck you off now?"

"Please," Mirza said.

*

The last time the trade flotilla had been at the village, Mirza had asked Hari if there was anyone in the village who were like Hari's Nonna or Amora, but who had started out as boys.

"Sure," Hari said. "Aunt Kay was a boy when she got here, but as soon as she met Nonna she was like, actually, fuck that gender."

Mirza smiled, but looked a little bemused. "Isn't that the blue lady?" he asked. "Like, she's a monster."

"Well, yeah," Hari said. "But to be fair, it's not like the priests who Awakened her even had a good reason for deciding she was a boy. She doesn't even have genitals. But they decided she was a boy, and she decided she wasn't, and that's the same thing Nonna did with being a girl."

"Yeah, I guess," Mirza said. "But what about humans?"

Hari thought. "Well, there's Lind," she said. "That's not exactly the same, but he's pretty much like Nonna."

Mirza frowned. "Your...brother? He's not a girl."

"Yeah, no," Hari said, "but he's not a boy, either. I mean, you must have noticed he doesn't have a deep voice or a beard or anything. Nonna and Auntie Kay and Chiamaka worked out a way to keep him from going through boy puberty. I think they figured out how to make his body do girl puberty instead, but he decided he didn't want that." She smiled. "I think Nonna's a little pissed ze didn't figure that out in time for zemself."

"So you wouldn't think it was weird?" Mirza asked. "Someone who grew up as a boy and decided they'd rather be a girl."

Hari shrugged. "Weird as in unusual, sure," she said. "Weird as in strange, confusing, or off-putting, nah. I mean, I might be biased because of my parents, but I think they're right; if it makes you happy and it's not hurting anyone, there's no harm in being different."

"So it wouldn't bother you at all if someone got naked and had an unexpected set of genitals?" Mirza asked.

Hari laughed. "I mean, how unexpected are we talking? I think anything on the spectrum of cock to cunt is easy enough to deal with. Might be confusing if it's something new, but I don't know if it would bother me. I mean, are we talking intimate situations here? Because I think my main concern is whether I know how to work it." After a moment, she said, "I think the real difficult thing would be someone like my mom, who didn't want to have sex with me at all."

Mirza frowned. "I thought you said your mom did have sex, now."

"She does," Hari said. "She just doesn't want it. She does it for Dad and Nonna. And I mean, they didn't, for like...I don't know, at least twelve years, because I know they didn't do it before they talked about how she was their wife, too."

"And she's okay with that?" Mirza asked. "I didn't think anyone could make your mom do something she didn't want to do."

"No, it's not like she hates it, I think she likes it, actually, she just doesn't ever get like...horny," Hari said. "And I don't think she would do it if Nonna and Dad tried to make her or anything. But she likes that they get stupid horny about her."

"Well, I guess that makes sense," Mirza said, blushing a little. "It is nice, to know people are into you."

Hari grinned. "Yeah?" she asked. She crawled over to get in his lap. "Is it nice to know I can't stop thinking about you?"

"Uh huh," Mirza said, settling his hands on her waist.

"Would you enjoy hearing about how I touched myself, thinking about you?" she asked.

Mirza groaned. "Hari," he said.

"Sunshine," she replied, then bent down to kiss him.

*

Unbeknownst to Hari, Chiamaka found Mirza at her door the next day. Chiamaka probably wouldn't have recognized him more specifically than "one of the fleet kids" if he hadn't been Hari's latest boyfriend.

"Um, Miss Chiamaka?" he asked. "Could I talk to you about something?"

Chiamaka did not sigh, because she really wanted the village children and the fleet children to feel comfortable coming to her with questions. She hadn't intended to become a doctor or teacher, but as the village midwife, she had found herself occupying that niche anyway. And certainly the fleet wasn't as open with their children as the village was, so this was far from the first time one of them had come to her for a question that should have been handled by their parents, aunts and uncles, or possibly older cousins.

"Come on in," she said.

When Nic built her house, it was a one room structure like everyone else's, but when Mara was carrying Bernie and it became clear that the trading flotilla was stopping by specifically for Chiamaka sometimes, she asked Nic to build her an additional room, so she could have a workroom that was private but not directly in her living space. She didn't bother leading Mirza in there; usually fleet kids just wanted to talk, which could happen just as well in Chiamaka's sitting area. Which, admittedly, was more robust than just Chiamaka herself needed, so she could have comfortable conversations with the people who came to see her. Nic had been happy to build the extra seating, and it came in handy on a regular basis.

"I was just wondering," Mirza said, "about, uh, something Hari said. About her brother Lind. And how you and Nic and Miss Kay managed to figure out a way to get bodies to do the other puberty."

"We did," Chiamaka said. "At least, I think we did; Lind wasn't as excited about that as about stopping the first one, so we never tested it. Why do you ask?" She had a pretty good idea why he asked, she thought, but he was young enough and not familiar enough with her that making assumptions would go poorly. "Do you know someone who might be interested?"

He blushed. "Um, maybe," he said. "I don't know. I just thought--I mean, I didn't know you could do that. I didn't even really realize Lind hadn't...gone through boy puberty."

"We also managed to find a way to stop Nic and Amora's bleeding," Chiamaka said. "I think, if someone asked early enough, we could stop girl puberty, too." She smiled at him. "It's fairly easy, when you have magic to speed things up."

"It is?"

She nodded. "Kay's also experimented a little with shapeshifting other people," Chiamaka said. "Since it occurred to us that if someone didn't manage to catch their first puberty in time, they might want to do some...remodeling." She shrugged. "I kind of expected Nic to jump at that, but ze never did."

"Is that safe?" Mirza asked, wide-eyed.

"I think between the two of us, we can make it safe," Chiamaka said. "Worse comes to worst, we could probably get Mara to fix it, or at least reset it by destroying the changes we made."

"That's pretty handy," Mirza said.

Chiamaka smiled. "Has Hari never told you? She's the only one of her siblings Nic actually carried. Ze hated being pregnant, but Mara wanted more kids. He worked out a way to let him carry Bernie and Lind." She shook her head. "Kay and I had to spend so much time figuring out how to explain things to each other, because obviously I couldn't monitor the spell, but she didn't know anything about fetal development or gestation."

"Oh, wow," Mirza said. "No, she never said. I, uh. I thought my folks were making fun of...them."

Chiamaka laughed. "Not this time," she said. "We wrote up a little pamphlet about it and everything, in case anyone else had a similar problem. Usually when couples have trouble concieving, it's easier for Kay to take care of it, but if two men wanted to have children together, I think the magic gourd method would work a little easier."

"So it wasn't...weird or hard, to figure out how to help Lind," Fw said.

"It was a little tricky," Chiamaka said, "and I don't know if I could have done it without Kay's magic--certainly not as quickly--but once we figured out what needed adjusting, it wasn't so hard to come up with something that would work for a little while, so we had time to figure out something more permanent. There are a couple solutions, actually, but Lind didn't like one of them."

"What was the one he didn't like?" Mirza asked.

"Ah," Chiamaka said. "How much do you know about livestock?" Mirza shrugged. "Well, we don't always want the animals to be able to have babies. Sometimes we just don't have enough food for more. And sometimes male animals are...rowdy?"

"Oh," Mirza said. "Like the toms on board pissing everywhere."

"Right," Chiamaka said. "Rams and bulls get in fights and cause trouble. But they do it less if we geld them, and I'm pretty sure whatever is in the testicles that make male cats, sheep, and cattle get rowdy is the same thing that makes human males go through puberty. So one option would have been to get rid of Lind's testicles."

Mirza pursed his lips. "I can see why he might not want that," he said.

Chiamaka laughed. "Yes," she said. "I think the ovaries serve a similar purpose for females, but those are a little harder to remove."

"Yeah," Mirza said. "That's really interesting, Miss. Um, do you think it would still work after someone went through puberty? The gelding thing?"

"It would do something," Chiamaka said. "I think, like Lind, they would be a little...softer? Not exactly fatter. But Lind doesn't have the broad shoulders and height he probably would have had. I think some of the changes, like voice drop and hair growth, would stay, though. And I don't think they'd shrink or anything, they'd probably have the broader chest and height from male puberty. But considering how gelded livestock work and how things have gone with Lind and Amora, it would certainly do something."

"And would the girl puberty thing still work?" Mirza asked. "Could someone who went through boy puberty still grow breasts?"

"Oh, definitely," Chiamaka said. "Sometimes that happens to men without them even doing anything."

"What? Really?" Mirza asked.

Chiamaka nodded. "It's rare, but sometimes when a man's wife is pregnant, his body will act like he's pregnant too. And sometimes, if there's a baby to feed and no women around, a man's body will be able to lactate. Sometimes he'll grow breasts, but sometimes it's just a little swelling while the baby is nursing that pretty much goes away when it's weaned. I think regardless of how much boy puberty someone went through, they'd be able to at least grow breasts. I think they'd probably change shape a little, too: get more of a waist, thicker thighs, a fuller butt. Maybe they wouldn't end up as curvy as they would have without the boy puberty coming first, but bodies seem to take to female attributes readily."

"Oh," Mirza said. He looked a little stunned.

Gently, Chiamaka asked, "Do you think that might be something you're interested in?"

He flushed. "I don't know," he said. "Maybe. Please don't tell anyone, though."

"Of course not," Chiamaka said. "But it is an option, if you decide you want to try." She smiled. "I kept all my notes from when we were figuring things out for Lind."

"I don't know," Mirza said again. "I--I'd have to think about it."

"Of course," Chiamaka said.

He practically ran away after that, but that was honestly a pretty typical reaction from fleet teenagers who came to ask Chiamaka questions.

Chiamaka went into her workroom, got out the notes she'd started when she realized she was going to have to walk far more people through the basics of sex and reproduction than she thought, then went to the fields to find Ayla.

Ayla and Mara were kneeling in the middle of the tomato patch. Ayla was pointing out which leaves to prune, and Mara then snapped them off. They always came off cleanly when he did it. They'd all been so happy for him when he discovered a part of farming he could actually do while the plants were still in the ground.

"Hey," Chiamaka said. "We need to talk to the fleet about them letting us educate their children."

"Do we?" Ayla asked, looking up at her. "They're pretty well-educated, I thought."

"About most things," Chiamaka said. They were all strong readers with good math skills, and they knew more about where different goods came from by the time they were ten than Chiamaka ever had. "But lots of them come to me with questions about sex and gender every time they're in port."

"Oh, I bet," Mara said. "They're not as open with their kids as we are."

"They also just don't agree with us about some things," Ayla said.

"But their kids do," Chiamaka said. "Or at least, their kids are curious about it. They obviously notice me, the three of you, Danny and Amora, and Fumi and Rua. And however the fleet is addressing it isn't enough."

"Well, what do you want to do?" Ayla asked. "I thought you didn't want to be a teacher."

"I don't," Chiamaka said. "And I don't think any of them would be too happy if we took an afternoon of their visit away to make them sit and listen to me talk about sex and gender. But Kay and Nic and I wrote up some pamphlets about the pregnancy spells, and the puberty spells, and I took some notes a while back about what needed to be...corrected, maybe, to get our kids on the same page as us. I could write up a sex ed book that covered most of the things they ask me about. But I don't want to pass them out to the kids and have their parents take them away."

"No," Ayla said, "that would defeat the purpose." She frowned, thinking. "I could talk to the captains," she said. "Maybe we can spin it as part of the spreading of knowledge thing."

"They do like that," Mara said. "Maybe we could have it be a condition of sharing the spell write-ups with them."

"That might be a good idea," Chiamaka said, nodding. "I mean, I bet Nic and Kay have all sorts of recipes and instructions they could write up."

"Free copies of educational material on the condition they keep copies on the ships for their kids," Ayla said. "That seems like a reasonable trade." She nodded. "I'll talk to the captains about it."

"Great," Chiamaka said.

*

After Mirza came in Hari's mouth, she crawled back up his--her--body so Mirza could reach her cunt. Mirza slipped her fingers inside Hari, making her groan. It didn't take long, with how worked-up Hari was, for her to come.

She took a drink from Mirza's waterskin, then laid down on top of her chest and kissed her. Mirza's arms settled around Hari's waist immediately.

"So," Hari said. "A girl, huh, sunshine?"

Mirza blushed and nodded.

Hari ran her fingers over Mirza's sandpapery cheek. "Do you want to see if Chiamaka can give you something to change your body?" she asked. Lind hated even the idea of facial hair.

"She was pretty sure she could," Mirza said. "I, um. I think I might be the reason she made us so many copies of that sex ed book," she admitted.

Hari laughed. "You're not the only fleet kid who went to her with questions," she said. "I swear, anyone who didn't ask me or Eka went right to her."

"Oh, good," Mirza said. "It's just--I mean, that was right after I asked her so many questions about your brother and, um. Stopping or switching puberties."

"So do you want that?" Hari asked.

Mirza nodded. "She said it would definitely let me grow boobs," she said. "She wasn't totally sure about anything else, but I think boobs would be a good start."

"Boobs would be a great start," Hari said. "Can I do your makeup? Do you want to try on some of my dresses? Or...is this still a secret from everyone else?"

Mirza shook her head. "I haven't told anyone else," she said. "I didn't really tell Chiamaka, even. I said I wasn't sure. Even though I...was pretty sure."

"That's okay," Hari said. "She knows it's hard to talk about stuff sometimes. I think the Church was pretty hard on her when she was our age."

"I figured," Mirza said. "I just...my family's not as understanding as yours is."

"Aww, sunshine," Hari murmured. She bent down to kiss Mirza again. "Even if you weren't my--girlfriend?" she asked. Mirza nodded. "We'd be glad to take you in."

"I know," Mirza said. She blinked rapidly. "I don't know if I could have even thought about it otherwise. But I figured, if my parents didn't take it well, your mom would be happy to yell at them and either make them listen or let me stay here."

"She totally would," Hari said. Her mother interrupted people to tell them to stop being shitheads all the time, especially when it was about their kids. "Dad says the last straw for him with the High Priest was him misgendering Nonna. And both Mom and Dad constantly talked about wanting to throw out Uncle Eli for being a jackass about zem."

"Yeah," Mirza said. "That's...Zawar, Hari. I don't know how your nonna did it. Without anyone to back zem up."

Hari shrugged. "Ze's stubborn," she said. "And ze was the only person who knew how to build a house, so ze could make people at least pretend to put up with it. And then ze had Mom and Dad."

Mirza shook her head. "I don't think I could ever be that brave," she said.

"You just were," Hari said, and kissed her again.

[qzwrites]

members of sasha's family jaz has sex with at least once:

sasha

his brother (clone)

his brother (foster)

his cousin

his cousin's wife (cousin by marriage)

his more distant cousin

his childhood bodyguard/weird uncle

his father

members of sasha's family who go "ew, no" when someone asks why they have not had sex with jaz:

his mother

but delara, your husband has sex with zem? this doesn't bother you?

what emil does is emil's business, delara says. for me, that is my child. ze's so baby runt coded. unthinkable.