rabbid-rabbitt

[rabbid-rabbitt]

Internet Safety

[rabbid-rabbitt]

ive been very inactive but im doing well actually, i have therapy twice a week and some alters began opening up about specific traumas. we've also started creating a daily routine and getting involved in various hobbies outside of tablet and we're rewatching a show from our childhood and its been a lot emotionally but in a good day

[rabbid-rabbitt]

went to our first pride yesterday and had a lot of fun

in pain and very fatigued today though💔

[rabbid-rabbitt]

you have to stay alive. you're going to be such a beautiful middle aged freak. young freaks will see you in the street and know that things can be okay.

[rabbid-rabbitt]

graves grow no green that you can use.

gwendolyn brooks

[rabbid-rabbitt]

i hate how i used to water myself down to fit into some cookie cutter shape of what a victim is supposed to be like, my recovery is beautiful and i am powerful in ways that will never be socially acceptable, the way i recover would get me labelled as several things but i am happy, i am free.

i will always be a programmer except now i work for myself, i work to better my system, but should life throw the worst at us i will do anything to survive. people forget once you are stripped of everything that makes you a person your dehumanisation becomes who you are, no amount of therapy or deprogramming will make me ever genuinely feel human.

its euphoric to exist in the way i do, i am a protector and leader in my system, in fact i am regarded as the most important and our therapist often runs things by me specifically. my superiority started with my trauma and it will end when i am dead because it has been so deeply engrained into me that i am above humanity and it only continues to be true as i go through life. my recovery is about taking this and making it my own.

[rabbid-rabbitt]

today im mad ive been labelled as a danger and a liability by a community who was supposed to understand

it gives the same energy as labelling those with npd/aspd as dangers even if theyve never hurt anyone

[rabbid-rabbitt]

aw just noticed mut deactivated rip tomcatyowls you were incredibly based

[rabbid-rabbitt]

What is the difference between TBMC and programming exactly? I've seen the two terms used interchangeably a lot. I went through traumatic conditioning on my ex's part but I was a teenager then and the system had already been established, and I want to make sure I'm using the correct term for our experience.

-🐊

I see TBMC as an umbrella term. Programming falls beneath that umbrella. Not all TBMC is programming, but all programming is TBMC.

There are different forms of TBMC. It could be as simple as basic conditioning (Pavlovian or operant or something in between) or as complex as programming, which in and of itself is conditioning taken to the extreme.

I would only apply the term "programming" to TBMC that:

Started very early in childhood (I'm talking about when the child is a toddler or younger)

Is organized, extreme, and carried out by multiple perpetrators in a high-control environment (since programming is inherently OEA)

Is carried out with the specific intention of creating alters or self-states in the child (not all perpetrators will know that they are creating DID, but they will know that they are creating states that exhibit certain specific behaviors in response to specific cues)

I think your term "traumatic conditioning" is accurate for what you describe.

[rabbid-rabbitt]

https://open.spotify.com/track/4ni2PRjuIORNFXvWB74SqX?si=YLACW0UUQViI3of1FoX01w

[rabbid-rabbitt]

got a new tablet today after breaking our last one throwing it at a psych nurse (it missed) and spent all day organising photos woooo

tomorrow we have therapy where we'll talk abt the offical statement we're going to give to the police. Offical Statement. To The Police. thats so surreal to me because its a shot at some kind of justice, even though its not touching the wider trauma of our group, our father still gets to hopefully be held accountable and with our whole family being supportive we actually have a lot of evidence against him but i am terrified. its more real once police get involved

[rabbid-rabbitt]

anyway mama sleeping in bed with us for a while its nice and safe, fat fuck dog also joined us

i adore him more than words can explain hes so autistic because he doesn't get doggy social cues n lives in his own little world (angry if you disrupt his routine)

[rabbid-rabbitt]

i cant go into any psych ward in the country because they dont know how to treat me, the only inpatient unit who could treat me is private n is a minimum of 50k which i do not have. im insanely lucky i have a therapist who can work with me properly otherwise id be as good as dead because my symptoms are so debilitating n im chronically suicidal.

being so fragmented hurts, my trauma started in the womb with my mum experiencing abuse at the hands of my father then i was born sick with some defects, i am insanely jealous of ppl with a coherent/consistent host because mine is a group of multiple parts attempting to work together, the smallest things are triggers n require parts to switch, my parts are mostly fragments ofc so the switches arent as painful as with fuller alters. im exhausted of this life. i cant even eat without switching multiple times to get just the right combo of fragments so i dont go into a flashback. i dont even ive ever felt in my body, there isn't even a host me that experiences the other parts, we are just so vastly different even our therapist has commented on this

[rabbid-rabbitt]

my did is very weird overall i lay somewhere within 2-2.5 thousand parts , i have a very vivid innerworld, oea/tbmc survivor, relatively young, which are all like signs ppl use for fakers/imitiative did so then ppl like me who do have these symptoms are completely ignored in convos. n dont get me wrong i dont believe majority of these self dxed teens have that many alters or even did but itd be nice to have some rep for us.

though i say this knowing my did completely disables me and although id love to be a content creator for did i do not have enough of anything to do it , i am beyond dysfunctional n every. single. professional i come in contact with calls me complex

[rabbid-rabbitt]

when i see someone withw incredibly based opinions but knowing im included in it because im a tbmc survivor with a head high count 😔

[rabbid-rabbitt]

[rabbid-rabbitt]

Firm reminder that if you block people, it does not mean you're hiding and cowering in a corner. It means you're making YOUR space safe for YOU, as it should be. It means you're not going to put up with bullshit and you want to protect yourself. It means you're caring for yourself. It means you're acknowledging that reasoning with the person is like trying to convince a wall to move.

It DOES NOT MEAN that you're hiding, cowering, or ignoring the problem.

The Internet is NOT a safe place, but you CAN make it somewhat safe and comfortable for yourself by hitting that fancy block button. That's what the block button is for.

Practice self care and self love by blocking stupid fucks.

- 🗡️