rabidcriterion - Tumblr blog

[rabidcriterion]

okay so i finally got to quit my job today and like. i went out last night to a friend's birthday dinner and tonight i went out to another friend's birthday dinner in the same group and my mum cracked the shits at me when i mentioned that it was for the same group and basically cried and guilted me into comforting her because i. didn't stay home to put up the tree. apparently the tradition is to put it up only on fridays and saturdays which. of course i have never ever heard before

and so of course i had to sit and listen to her fucking crying about it and listen to dad tell me that she's had such a tough year like. bro what the fuck do you think i quit my job for? this year was fucking hellish

i just wanted to kinda do something nice for myself to celebrate that this is over. i've been feeling sad on and off today all day, nearly crying at work and shit.

it feels like something's been taken from me with work too. like i really liked the actual work for the most part, it was just shitty behaviour from students and coworkers and parents and management that did it really. and so i feel like i've somehow lost a massive opportunity to have an okay job

and i didn't read the stupid listing for my new one properly and i forgot that it's only for six months and. oh my god it's good to be out of that job, it really is but i'm just. i want to know for certain that it'll be okay and that i'll be away from any situations like the one i just left. and i had to leave my coworker bestie behind at my job and she's so nice and lovely and they were mean to her too and i just feel horrible about it!!!!

i'm crying typing this i'm just so upset by everything right now. i can't even cry loudly because my parents will hear and want me to talk about it, they never leave me alone when i'm crying anymore they always force themselves into my room and make me talk about it. i've never had a history of self harm or anything they're just really fucking annoying because they think it's the only way

i hate having to parent my own mother i hate being forced into it i hate living in this house and i hated my job. at least that part's over now but now i have to spend the holidays in this stupid house with these stupid fucking people who never fucking GO anywhere so they're always around

[rabidcriterion]

girl i've been talking to for a few months now just told me that i feel like an older sibling to her.

i'm gonna be sick

[rabidcriterion]

hiiiii i never even talked about how bs the situation wasss. i'm not mad about it rn but i just remembered i have this blog so maybe i'll talk about it when i'm actually pissed

[rabidcriterion]

Lmao trying to find new discord servers to make friends in and. I have like shit luck or something

Just joined a new server last night and the verification full on included sending some random 18 yr old kid a picture of ur face with ur I'd (oh but you're allowed to black out everything but ur dob and photo) and once I did get in there the convo was dry as fuck

Anyway I tried talking in there again this morning (just said hello) and like legit immediately some cunt checks my roles, sees that I use they/them pronies and starts talking about how they don't make sense

I ignored the kid and he stopped but it was really bullshit honestly

[rabidcriterion]

i am so fucking furious right now

my dickhead dad put off painting the house for literal years, even a year after he retired, and now he's finally fucking doing it in the hottest part of the year, literally ANGLE GRINDING right outside my window while i'm trying to participate in a craft event in this discord server like cmon man

it just fucking feels like no matter what i do, whenever i'm in a veecee and finally chilling out talking to people my parents come in and tell me to shut up or to do some chore and it's always at the worst fucking time and they're always fucking yelling and banging on my door to get my attention

i've literally been telling my mother just to knock on my door. JUST KNOCK for years but she always either a. knocks on the door and opens it without waiting for me to acknowledge her or b. bangs on the door really loud while yelling through the door about something she wants me to do. like fuck off

[rabidcriterion]

Also like the worst thing is when you're doing the right thing and waiting your turn to speak about something and people just keep butting in front of you about the topic or whatever. Or even change the topic before you get a chance to say anything. Literally fucking annoying like who's talking too much about themselves now?

[rabidcriterion]

Hi girliesssss

Literally the worst fucking thing ever is being told that I talk too much/am too loud/talk about myself too much like. I'm trying I'm sorry

Smacks me right in the RSD every single fucking time

[rabidcriterion]

dude i am so upset

about to go in for surgery tomorrow, it's something i've put off for years because i could hardly accept that it's something i need to do. i only accepted it and organised it because my symptoms became considerably worse this year

and my mum picks a fight with me the night before, it's not like a super bad one or anything but i just feel like she's making it about her when i've told her i'm really stressed and she knows my history of putting it off and why

honestly the thing that's bothering me about this most of all is that i have nowhere to go and no one to talk to about any of this. like i always try my best to help other people when i'm down and it just fucks me off that i never get that back