raccoon-the-third - Tumblr blog

[raccoon-the-third]

Why do I keep falling in love with bottoms who think I'm a top

Like I have no clue where you're getting that from like I guess I'm not the stereotypical archetype of a bottom but I'm in no way like a top

I guess I could top and I have before but like I am not built for topping I am far too weak to anything

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RAHHH I NEED TO SUBCONSCIOUSLY STOP THINKING ABOUT/TRYING TO BITE OF BITS OF MY ARM I'VE ALREADY BROKEN SKIN TOO MANY TIMES

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i have never successfully articulated anything ever but i got very close, once

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I am feeling very conflicted and also kinda bad because I think I might be aroace but I also have a boyfriend I am very much in love with

But that's not the part that makes me feel bad what makes me feel bad is that whenever I picture my long term life plans I can't picture him in it not I don't picture him being important to me but just like my plans with my roommates he's not involved in that and maybe I just feel bad because of my ex but like I feel bad that when I think of the future he's only one aspect of it rather than all of it

And part of me also feels like I was/am leading him on because I do love him but I never disclosed that I may or may not me aroace and now I feel like if I do he'll feel like our relationship is nothing but even though I'm not sure if how I'm feeling is explicitly romantic I still love him and want to do typically romantic activities with him

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I miss my friends

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GOD I FUCKING HATE THE WAY MY BRAIN WORKS

I want to tell people about my feelings I want to tell people about my life but I hate myself every time for it I want to tell my friends but the thought of opening up or someone even considering worrying about me makes me want to scream

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[raccoon-the-third]

Am I misinterpreting social cues or does everyone fucking hate me

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when we are all dead I hope our ghosts hangout

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[raccoon-the-third]

Am I some form of ace or do I just think sex is kinda weird and don't really like the idea of it because of trauma

Am I some form of aro or do I just have a really tough time telling what is supposed to be romantic and what's supposed to be platonic

[raccoon-the-third]

feeling something so deeply you feel like you’re gonna throw up

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[raccoon-the-third]

God I genuinely hate opening up I used to think it was because I wanted to be mysterious and secretive

But actually I think it's something closer to not wanting to admit things to myself and to actually work though them instead of just keeping it quiet and stuffed in the back of my brain then never think about it again

GOD I GENUINELY HATE OPENING UP TO PEOPLE

[raccoon-the-third]