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[rachentp]

Dear Amelia,

I have been asked on occasion if my profession involves writing and it does. Just not creatively or with the purpose to entertain. As an auditor, if anything it's quite the opposite. But really, who even reads for fun anymore?

Anyways… I had an interesting conversation with a stranger a few weekends ago and I guess that's where this all starts. She sweetly complimented me and said I have a way with words and even though I don't professionally write creatively, if I happened to write something, she would most definitely read it. So, Sweet Stranger (who I'll recall fondly now as Amelia), this one's dedicated to you.

Having gone to an open house nestled in the suburbs near California State University of Sacramento (CSUS), not that I'm in any position to buy a house right now, I was on a kind of in-and-out mission. So when Amelia started to tell me about the features of the home, I was a bit standoffish. But she caught my attention when she said something to the effect of, "Can I give you some X advice?". I don't remember the word she used or even the phrasing exactly, but it was mostly her tone that gave me pause. It was, I don't know. Frank. What I intuited was, "You probably don't want to hear this, but if you're open to it, I'll tell you and not for any other reason than to be informative".

Because of this intuition, I later told her in passing conversation the exact reason why I am not in a position to buy a house right now: I was still waiting for the house that I primarily owned (with my ex-husband as the co-signer who is henceforth referred to as "Schad") to close and would be receiving a sum of monies at that time.

Naturally, we bonded through conversation as women may about the audacity of the the modern man. We heartily laughed about the nuanced way they can gaslight and manipulate us into doing pretty much anything under the pretense of "normalcy". Our voices got softer as we talked about how they use our children as leverage without any seeming thought about how it would affect our family dynamic. I sardonically mimicked classic, hysterical court hearing scenes between the ex and I, "But I have spousal rights! Even though I make more than her, she needs to continue to support me living in the house I kicked her out of".

What broke my heart about this conversation is that Amelia told me she observed their child (after their dad left) laughing wholeheartedly for the first time. To the point where the child had stitches in their side. Apparently, she had never seen them laugh like that before… Only after the toxin was removed could a child feel free to laugh so hard that it hurt.

And oddly, I am laughing deliriously - similarly to Amelia's child, but different - at the fact that I could ever imagine this, silver-tongued-Prince-of-the-literal-Family-Court-room to have any modicum of empathy. Schad says, "I am an ISTJ… like 100%, which suits me just fine", and I literally roll on the floor laughing… as if the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator used by the CIA to identify potential suspects would conceal his also 1,000% abusive narcissism and in all probability clinical sociopathy. If Schad were to ever take an honest look in his mirror, he'd break psychotically into a million pieces. He'd realize the litany of abuse he's inflicted not just on the three of his ex-wives (I am the third). Like Dracula, he'd realize the truth - he is a fucking vampire. Thousands of lives lay at his feet ruined, destroyed, forever changed… deranged. Except this one…

Because at this point in time, I don't regret it. Any of it. Ultimately, all of this made me (us) a Van Helsing. I will hunt his kind till the end of my mortal life. I recognize the signs now. I can see it so clearly. Where other people see a charming, charismatic, even desirable man, and bend to his every whim… I know what his kind really fucking is. I don't have stakes and I don't employ the Lord to protect me. But I do have words and independent thought. And those can be just as, if not more deadly. Honestly, the best way to eliminate the Schads of this world is to forget them. To heal from them. To not waste another thought regarding them.

They showed us happiness and rainbows, but they also showed us beauty in darkness. And at the end of that darkness… "a new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why."

Thank you, Samwise. I understand now.

[rachentp]

Comic Con pics from Sacramento