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Philosophers of Old #2: Ronaldo y Un Niño

Philosophers of Old [PoO] - Ronaldo y Un Niño by Sarunas RaNus

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"History...can we trust it?"

Jonas the Philosopher King

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Philosophers of Old #1: Is the Earth a Fruit?

Philosophers of Old [PoO] - Is the Earth a Fruit? by Sarunas RaNus

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legend of the dollar bill :: part 2

Origin of the Dollar Bill pt. 2 by Sarunas RaNus

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legend of the dollar bill :: part 1

Origin of the Dollar Bill pt. 1 by Sarunas RaNus

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The Herbie Schube Detective Agency, Part One

By Pookie Houston

It happened late one night.  I was closing down shop, ready to hit the sack, as I had a long day on the beat at Ridgewell High.  I was just closing the case of the missing Farmville vegetables when all of a sudden I got a random message from a girl.  Christa Suthers.

Her profile picture was beautiful: a smoky little blonde with dark mysterious eyes and a smile that said, “I am a cheerleader, go tigers.”  She popped up in my facebook browser window like the worst kind of woman, straight in the face but wounded in the heart, brilliant and dangerous like a bic lighter.  She cut straight to the chase:  “Hi.  Somebody thinks you’re cute.”  Hmm, I thought, and leaned back in my chair, spinning around once or twice.  This happened to me before, hunny, I typed out, and last time was enough for me.

“For realsies”, came the response, and I was intrigued.  If my mom hadn’t confiscated my cigarettes, I would have lit one up now.  I leaned forward real close to take a look at this girl’s picture.  Something was wrong, I knew it.  Three years of the middle school life made me hard, mean.  But I’m a sucker for girls, always was, always will be, even if once upon a time the girl of my dreams up and left me sitting on the see-saw in fourth grade with a bad case of the cooties.  Ever since then I’ve been raw, resentful, but eager to please, and Christa Suthers was no different, so I took a bite.

“Lol really” I replied, and watched patiently as it said she was responding hesitantly, as though her spongebob-painted fingernails were scared to punch out the truth.  Finally: “Yes, really, she’s in your English class!”

English class.  That narrowed it down a bit.  There was Bertha Moore, who sat in the front row, and the acne girl, the polish exchange student, and Martha Raye, who farted that one time and tried to blame it on Hugo, the fat kid.  There was some potential there—potential for a trap.

“I need names,” I clacked away furiously.  “Come on dame spill the beans!”

“Meet me by the see-saw at the grade school after school!”  She said, and signed off.

Well, I said.  Looks like we’ve got ourselves a mystery.

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chihuly convo, 3/11/2007

shavez13: ya i dont no if mykolas told u but i told him to tell u on your b day that i sent over chihuly to give u a birthday lapdance lol

RaNusBC: what no

RaNusBC: u kaka head

shavez13: well he must have went over to your neghbors instead

RaNusBC: i think i heard some screams

shavez13: u hear like screams in the back round

RaNusBC: JINX

RaNusBC: you cant talk anymore

shavez13: paulius said my name 10 times

RaNusBC: damnit

shavez13: dude that was crazy

shavez13: great minds of chihuly think laike

shavez13: alike*

RaNusBC: this is true

shavez13: chihuly would be like r u sarunas and the guys like no, but then chihuly is like too bad and he pushes the guy into a chair and starts jiggling himself

RaNusBC: hahaha

RaNusBC: gross

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chihuly convo, 2/20/2007

shavez13: wait actually i used to draw these comics about this guy who was called the Nooch and he lived in a treehouse with all these ziplines and nextdoor was a whitecastle and this guy was really dirty like 7 feet tall had short short overalls and knee high rain boots

shavez13: he would kick ass

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"one time we made saganaki with kraft singles and tequila. the result was horrible. another reason to build a wall between the US and Mexico."

Sarunas (w/ Justas)

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crave the legend

StoryTime w/ $ar :: Legend of the Crave Case by Sarunas RaNus

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charles darwin’s “the origin of the reese’s”

there once was a made named darwin

he was exiled from the land when he farted

so he went to the galapagos islands

where he spent most of his time in silence

one day he found some chocolate

hanging ripe from a chocolate bush

then got out his peanut butter

and the two he together did mush.

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“respect the wookie. else he might tear off your ARRRRRm.”