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walkable cities are such a terrible idea when you think about them for literally any longer than a single second. more steps = more cracks = more mothers’ backs broken. simple fucking math. if you wanted your mom’s back blown out so bad you could’ve just called me

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should i eat first or shower first *has phone in couch time for another 3 hours due to choice procrastination, a behavioral phenomenon observed in pigeons and rats as well*

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was reading a 1950s detective book that jokingly referenced the fact it was illegal to use profanity over the telephone. my initial reaction was "kinda wild but makes sense given the history of overreaching obscenity laws"

long story short i fell down a rabbit hole and it turns out public profanity is currently illegal in some u.s. states

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Did I ever talk abt the time i was at a bdsm club and one of the pups was on all fours and barking and being cute and the dom on scene was like “hi puppy! Do you do any tricks?” And he said “I can beatbox!”

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I do suffer the american condition of liking to drink huge drinks

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i'm not actually mad i just like the comedic delivery of righteous but pointless anger

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i would never make a decision. what if i change my mind

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sorry for being weird and evasive. i was raised to believe that having wants and needs was a moral failing

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Via FB

I’ve posted about a bearded dragon that had to be rescued by fire fighters—here’s one that just fights fires 👍

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Every year we're learning more an more about the strong as fuck ice mummy

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"Are you wearing the-"

"The babyskin boots? Yeah, I am :)"

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🔊🔊 END STAGE DISCOURSE!! END STAGE DISCOURSE!! WE HAVE ARRIVED AT "FICTIONAL SEX IS COERCIVE BECAUSE CHARACTERS ARE BEING FORCED TO DO THINGS BY THE AUTHOR"!!!! 🔊🔊

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There's just so much I don't know about Tolkien's work