rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

I have my first new book club meeting now and waking incredibly slowly to reduce the amount of time I have to make small talk for. However it’s -3 so I fear my fingers might fall off if I don’t go in now. It was -9 when I left for work this morning though so maybe spring is on her way!!!

Wish me luck I’m awkward and afraid

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

So someone came round earlier to install a sensor thing in my bathroom, so the toilet cistern only fills up when it detects motion in the bathroom. Apparently it minimizes the damage from any leaks. But it’s actually very fucking annoying because it flashes like a bright blue paparazzi ass light at me every time I step into the bathroom. but the IRONY IS that the man who installed it did not fasten the pipes back under the sink properly and it took me 5 hours to notice and now there is water EVERYWHERE. It filled the drawer under the sink and I’m so annoyed because it’s ruined an eyeshadow palette and less expensive but equally as annoying to lose stuff like tampons and electric toothbrush heads. I could probably dry those out but they’ve been swimming in water with all sorts of stuff that I wouldn’t want near any of my orifices.

anyway I text our building superintendent who came and shut the water off and said it will be fixed properly in the morning. So I’ve had to dry everything and now I have to work from home tomorrow which I hate doing because I can never focus. And I’m going to have to let someone in whilst I’m on calls.

This would be water off a ducks back (pun unintended. In fact I have triggered myself) to most people but unfortunately I am not most people, I am a fragile flower and I am totally emotionally drained and want to sleep for 400 years.

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

i had an eye test today, which I booked at 9:45am. You would think that would mean that my appointment was at 9:45am, wouldn't you? WRONG. Since I booked it, I got 3 reminder texts, each with a different time. The first confirming 9:45. Then saying 9:30. And then saying 10:45. So I got there for 9:45 just in case, and asked which of those 3 times was correct. And SURPRISE, it was actually a secret 4th time! 11am! Thankfully it took me a full hour to figure out my insurance. I'm confused because it was at a literal doctors surgery, that did everything. Including eye tests. I'm not sure whether you can get eye tests here at a regular opticians? like a place that sells glasses? Every place my insurance seemed to allow was a literal medical centre. But anyway. All of that and my prescription hasn't even changed. Can't wait to find out i did this wrong and get a bill for 4 million dollars.

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

Ok!!

I’m in a bit of a SLUMP atm and I think I just don’t have an outlet for my thoughts anymore. Should I start an actual private diary and not publish my every thought for the whole world to see? Some would say yes. I would say that I can’t be bothered to get a physical book and a pen when I can do this on my phone in the dark.

Twitter has left a hole in my life, and all my group chats are slowly dying. It’s so sad that when you’re young and single your best friends are your WHOLE LIFE, and then when people get into relationships then suddenly they don’t need to pour their every thought out to their friends. Well I still do!!! I’m mildly tipsy but these are my real thoughts.

I wish I’d started doing this last year and actually blogged my first year in New York properly. But honestly I just didn’t really do anything. I decided to give myself time to settle in and take it easy and focus on work but that was just an excuse not to push myself out of my comfort zone!! So this year I’m really trying! I’m replying to people on bumble bff and everything!! Tomorrow I’m going to a random ‘paint and sip’ event and I’m very nervous because I’m socially awkward and I think even you’re desperate for friends people can SMELL IT on you and it’s actually very off putting. So I will politely paint and try my best to be normal.

What else! I ate Indian takeaway for tea that I bought yesterday and SAVED. It really got me through the day.

Anyone who knows me or who is simply a long term reader of my thoughts will know that I am incredibly anxious about how I’m perceived at work and my performance generally. I think I did really well last year, and I’m definitely still trying hard this year, but there’s just something in my brain that I haven’t been able to switch back on after Christmas. And I think it’s just that I don’t have much OUTSIDE of work to nourish my soul. I have my boyfriend who is perfect, but no close friends here. Not like best friends who I can text stupid thoughts to and get drunk with etc. So that is my goal. And getting more sleep.

I started a Substack but I feel too much pressure to only write serious things so I don’t dare post. Or not serious, but GOOD. People keep following me and I don’t know what the people WANT.

I’m babbling but I’ll be back to post more thoughts here and clear my head because I have many things to say!!

And il tell you how paint and sip goes!!

While I have been typing this 3 more people have subscribed to my substack. I love it and I am delighted but I am not worthy!!!

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

Standing outside so the cold wind blows aggressively into my face and hopefully magically cures my jet lag. The view is incredible but my eyes hurt. I long for a reprieve!! Please! A reprieve!

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

I thought I’d posted this this morning but instead I appear to have saved it as a draft. So please imagine you’re reading this at 7:30am

I made it!! On Saturday. Today is Monday. But I have been deathly jet lagged. I’ve been awake since 4 but on my way into the office!! i like my commute so far. And the trains have 4G so I can catch up with everyone at home which is PLEASANT. confusingly the trains are far less frequent than the tube but way less busy.

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

Tonight is my last night in my flat and I feel EMOSH. This is my first proper grown up home that was all mine, and I love it so much. Il obviously be back but WHO KNOWS when. I’ve been so busy and so tired that everything has been a whirlwind and I’ve not processed or said proper goodbyes but… I’ve almost made it. somehow.

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

Accidentally went to the hairdressers 3 hours early, so I used my surprise free time to do another coat of gloss paint on my stairs. Now I am at the hairdressers at the correct and have decided I will get pizza on my way home. There’s so much food in my fridge and freezer that I need to consume asap because my freezer needs defrosting, but who CARES. it’s weird that this is the last time I’ll come to this hairdressers! I’m feeling wistful this week now we’re on the final countdown, and every little mundane thing I do is possibly for the Last Time. Walking teary eyed down the freezer aisle in big sainsburys. Hopefully I never step foot in a Primark again though because I’ve bought about 8000 suitcases this month. Can’t wait for next years Monzo wrapped because there’s n still 11 months left of the year and I do not believe any other human is going to be a greater customer of large suitcases from the Oxford Street Primark. anywya here are my valentines nails which I’m hoping actually last that long. I got them cut short last time so they’re still not quite long enough for French tips to look normal but 🤷🏼‍♀️

(the other pic is the coffee and popcorn my hairdresser just brought me)

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

I was really looking forward to the cinema even though I’m exhausted but we just got an email saying it’s been cancelled! The others are going to the pub but I have truly never been so tired in my life, so I’m going to buy a nice wrap as a treat and then sleep for a 100 years. (Until 8am) because god knows when this photographer will arrive.

I have made a LOT of progress with my packing, but my baggage allowance is a cabin bag, a handbag, and 4 checked bags that each weigh under 23kg.

Turns out I have more stuff than that. I've been doing quite well at throwing stuff away, and have made a big clothes donation pile, but I've already overspilled into 2 additional suitcases to give friends to hold for me (plus 1 I already gave my dad). And they are HEAVY. Within the limit, but difficult for a kind friend to carry.

I'm also worried I'll need a third friend overspill bag, but I've still got one large suitcase to fill so FINGERS CROSSED I can get everything in. Annoying weight limit is more limited than physically fitting stuff, coz I bought some fun little vacuum bags. But yes. That's where we're at with packing.

And then tomorrow the letting agency is coming to take photos so I have been manically trying to make packing progress, and then start to tidy away the packing and any general clutter (ie shove into cupboards) and CLEAN. I've got about an hour and a half, then I'm going to the cinema. I won't be home til after midnight so I need to get it all done before I leave. Nooo idea what time they're coming tomorrow - could be 8am, could be 10pm. So must be prepared for all eventualities!!!

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

I have made a LOT of progress with my packing, but my baggage allowance is a cabin bag, a handbag, and 4 checked bags that each weigh under 23kg.

Turns out I have more stuff than that. I've been doing quite well at throwing stuff away, and have made a big clothes donation pile, but I've already overspilled into 2 additional suitcases to give friends to hold for me (plus 1 I already gave my dad). And they are HEAVY. Within the limit, but difficult for a kind friend to carry.

I'm also worried I'll need a third friend overspill bag, but I've still got one large suitcase to fill so FINGERS CROSSED I can get everything in. Annoying weight limit is more limited than physically fitting stuff, coz I bought some fun little vacuum bags. But yes. That's where we're at with packing.

And then tomorrow the letting agency is coming to take photos so I have been manically trying to make packing progress, and then start to tidy away the packing and any general clutter (ie shove into cupboards) and CLEAN. I've got about an hour and a half, then I'm going to the cinema. I won't be home til after midnight so I need to get it all done before I leave. Nooo idea what time they're coming tomorrow - could be 8am, could be 10pm. So must be prepared for all eventualities!!!

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

Ive spent literally the entire weekend painting my kitchen and bathroom, and sacrificing seeing friends to do so. And I feel like it just looks really messy and shit 😭

the estate agent is sending photographers round on Thursday to take pictures, and I’m out all day Tuesday and Wednesday. So I’ve got Monday night to TIDY - I don’t even have time for more painting now.

and I thought I’d have time to painting up the stairs as well but I just don’t think I will now. And that looks so shit too because I partially did some and it looks such a mess. basically I’m just sad and overwhelmed.

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

I THINK the floor is kind of maybe nearly done? It’s 7:11pm now.. maybe by 8? I just want a big bowl of pasta and silence.

If my dad wasn’t hear I would have combusted. Anyway it looks good and I’m pleased and will share pics tomorrow!

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

we gave up on the stair carpet! He’s GOING BACK, and we’re going to paint and gloss the stairs instead. It would have looked nice but this is cheaper so I don’t care that much. The man doing the floor has just arrived and my dad is project managing which makes me feel 10000% better because I get such unreasonable anxiety around having strangers in my flat. Anyway all the sawing and stuff is so loud and I feel so guilty about disturbing my neighbours. Breeeathe.

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

can we post Twitter content here? Who cares! I’m a maverick!

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

i keep forgetting to write on here but in 30 minutes time I have 4.5 solid hours of meetings so I am relishing the opportunity to sit in a toilet cubicle on my phone, en route downstairs for some green tea. firstly MY VISA GOT APPROVED LAST WEEK! I’m still waiting for it to feel real and exhilarating. I’m super excited but also I now have 2.5 weeks to sort my whole life out and package it into 4 large suitcases and one small one. Plus one I need to give to my dad to pick up later. I’m giving away possessions to my friends, and manically finalising DIY projects I’ve ignored for 2 years before the letting agents come next week to take photos of my flat. I’m getting new floors tomorrow, and then I need to PAINT. I’m locking myself away and doing 2 solid days of painting over the weekend. my dad is here this week helping with smaller jobs which has been super helpful, but we’d been preparing to fit a carpet runner up my stairs today which was due yesterday and is now opaquely ‘delayed’ until maybe the 22nd. They couldn’t give any further info. So if it doesn’t arrive by 4pm today I am angrily cancelling and demanding a refund and trying to assuage my deep deep stress with the consolation that I get the carpet money back and also the £40 I spend on fucking carpet tape. just little things!! I’m so tired and stressed!

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

january is one of those months where you experience every feeling on the human spectrum and you just have to go about your day like that isn’t happening

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

also a surprising amount of people have told me they didn’t know you can still even test for Covid. You can! And vulnerable people do still die from it so maybe spend a teeny lil £2.99 at Boots!! Idk you do you