raidendeeznuts123

[raidendeeznuts123]

Stuck in TWST without meds

and also they're yandere or something

@shironakuronatasa here you go pookie <3

Because everyone is different, I'm gonna be focusing on the meds I take and the things I experience! If you're inspired to write one of your own based on your types of meds, go for it! I'd love to see others' takes on this :3

I'm still writing in 2nd person, but you/mc is heavily based off of me!

(And if you still want a personalized one but don't want to write it, my commissions are open/hj)

Tw for one mention of suicidal ideation.

Imagine...

You don't quite have a clusterfuck of things going on in your head, but sometimes it can feel like it. Autism, Anxiety, depression, and ADD. Thankfully, you have access to medication, and they work well for you.

Although you can't keep the downward spiraling from the depression and anxiety away completely, it is far more manageable with your medication. You've found that when off them, you are far more prone to completely fall apart at even the slightest inconvenience. It feels like constant stormy waters, with stormclouds that only make the waves worse. But when on them, the storm disappears. Yes, the waves still get rocky and tip your boat from side to side, but you're emotionally stable enough to handle them.

Then the meds for your ADD. With them you have the razor sharp focus to not only take care of projects and work, but also to simply take care of yourself. When off of those, even simple tasks like taking out the trash can take hours, especially since you so easily forget steps, and will stop the chore in the middle, genuinely thinking it's complete.

But you have your meds, so you manage just fine.

Until you're sucked into Twisted Wonderland.

First of all, even if you had already taken the meds for anxiety/depression, there's not much they could do in the face of being transported and consequently trapped in a different dimension. But they do still help, and instead of bawling, you manage to keep a cool (enough) head and get yourself settled into Ramshackle.

But they don't last you long. They had built up in your system enough to last you a few days, but time and circumstances were not on your side.

Even though Grim is by no means an emotional support pet, and is by all means a little shit, he manages to push his pride aside when he can tell you really need it.

Especially the days where you wonder if death is what will bring you back home...

Grim will act as if he helps you for his own purposes, but he is genuinely there for you.

The others, however...

First of all, quite a few of them don't completely understand... you're extra sad and spacey, but you had some kind of magic to help with it back home, but you don't have them here, and without them you get... sad and spacey?

Riddle probably sees it as some pathetic excuse. It's not until after his overblot that his tune completely changes and he is giving you all the special treatment. Even if you mess up on purpose, even if it's something that really frustrates him, he'll justify it as you not knowing any better. Which is patronizing as hell.

Ace will use it to his advantage. Getting into trouble and having you take the brunt. And you play along with it, because, again, Riddle is treating you like an incompetent child, so you are all for raising Cain with Ace. What Ace really loves about this, though, is that it makes you more willing to hang out with him, and more likely to dislike Riddle.

I imagine Deuce has something going as well, though I don't quite know what, and neither does he. But he finds a kindred spirit in you. Study sessions with him are a MUST, and you share your different study and coping tactics, while he stares at your lovely face.

Trey relishes in caring for you. If you're having any kind of sudden increase in stress or sorrow, he is fucking there. He will scoop you up and take you to the kitchen and treat you with his home baked goodies right then and there. Same with your academics, if you need help with academics, it's to the kitchen for tutoring. And as bad as it is, he finds himself wishing you'd give in and lean on him completely.

Leona will also be there for you in depressive episodes. He sees how you always go to Grim when your upset, notices the little things that Grimm does that helps, and starts subtly using them whenever you're upset. Not even just if it's depression/anxiety related, if you're upset with him specifically he'll start purring in that low register that has your heart slowing. He'll rest his body on your chest as a weighted blanket. He'll let you pet him and comb through his hair. All until all you associate Leona with is safety and comfort–as you should from a mate.

Ruggie is SUCH a little meanie at first! Specifically regarding your ADD. Once he sees how much it genuinely upsets you, though, he'll back off. He does have a manipulative streak, though, and will use your anxiety against you. Any way he can get you to distrust others and seek him out is a good way.

Jack is one who does not fuckin understand at first, but once he does, he's supportive. He asks if there's anyway he can help and you offhandedly tell him about emotional support dogs, and he is locked on. He's embarrassed by it at first, of course, but he can tell how safe it makes you feel, and like Leona he is completely fucking for that. Though he won't just be emotional support, no, he'll be the guard dog chasing away anything that could possibly trigger you.

School is very difficult for you without your ADD meds. You can manage, but it is far more stressful and difficult than it needs to be. So, of course, you have those generously offering to help you–specifically Azul, who's more than willing to help... at a price, of course.

Floyd really likes when you daze off in class... When you're staring blankly, mind thinking about so many things except whatever the professor is droning on about. The way your eyes glaze over, the way you're so focused on whatever the fuck is going on in your head, the way your lips part ever so slightly... All your idle habits are endlessly entrancing to him. And, goes without saying, every single time you're especially depressed, he offers a good squeeze session.

Jade, the manipulative bastard, will purposely set you up for failure so that you feel like you need to go to him for help. Because lord knows Azul will make you pay for it, but not your good friend Jade. Plus, if you ever mention how hiking can help with mood, lord save your soul...

Jamil is such a DICK. He will be degrading you at every second, completely taking over whatever it is you try to do. Even if it has nothing to do with him. God, you remind him of Kalim, but at least you don't have the nerve to be so fucking happy all the time. A sick part of him likes when you're sad. You're less annoying when you're depressed, specifically, without little energy or motivation to do or be anything else. He'd happily take care of you then. He'll do whatever you need done. You'd probably do it wrong anyway.

Kalim feels so fucking seen and understood. He honestly felt like some kind of freak for so much of his life, but you... you're kinda like him! A lot sadder though. Your very existence brightens his life, so he's made it his mission to brighten yours. He also really can't stand it when you're with others. It's so obvious you two are meant for each other! He views your shared ADD symptoms as evidence of soulmateship.

Vil is another case of not fully understanding. You're making excuses. Until he takes it a bit too far, pushes even more than what you can handle, and you fully break down in front of him. You're so completely and utterly vulnerable in that moment. He doesn't know if it's a very dedicated manipulation tactic to get out of his nitpicking, but... he becomes a little more sympathetic with you. Vil recognizes that, for whatever reason, you do in fact seem to struggle more with certain things. And yet, despite that, you still try. You continue push yourself, even if what youre pushing towards is, by other people's standards, the norm/mediocrity/minimum. And in you he starts to see a bit of himself. Especially since, let's face it, with depression, anxiety, and add, it is very likely you relate more to Vil than you do Niege. He helps you, and in turn you help him, though you don't even realize it. Helping you be happier with yourself helps him be happy with himself. And he'll fucking slaughter anyone who takes you away from him.

Rook, like Vil, is easily able to recognize how much you not only struggle, but how much you try. And he finds that incredibly beautiful. Needless to say, he is often watching you. Everything you do is enchanting. He memorizes every. single. stim. and habit. Sometimes when you get frustrated, he just wants to scoop you up in his arms and shower you in kisses, but then you'd realize he broke into your room...

Epel will see how much you get pushed around, and takes it upon himself to defend you. He also sees a bit of himself in you. Sometimes he purposely waits around you, and at the first sign of trouble, he'll attack.

Sometimes you just get too fucking overstimulated and you need a break. And in those times, you've found Idia to be the best person to go to. You both started off pretty distant. You approached him, upset, and asked for a quiet place. You put in headphones and just laid down right there. The two of you just sat in silence, with headphones in, doing your own things, blocking out the world. And, oh, how Idia came to crave those moments. He began to depend on you for comfort, ans hoping that you would similarly come to depend on him. You're different from those other normies, you're the only one who gets him so please just stay with him! He will start to modify his room to be the perfect sensory room, the only place in the school you can go to fully regulate yourself. He starts going out with you, acting as if you're really helping him step out of his shell, when really he just wants to spend more time with you, and will continue to shy away from everyone else and hide behind you. This man desperately needs you to need him as desperately as he needs you.

You are so. Fucking. Cute. Malleus finds your every single quirk so fucking attractive. He doesnt like, however, seeing you so upset. So sad. And the kind of sad where he is helpless to help you. He also really doesn't like it when you're upset at yourself. Don't you realize you're perfect? And who cares if you're not good at any of the school stuff? Malleus doesn't. You don't need any of those skills anyway, with Malleus Draconia here to always take care of you.

if you want the rest of diasomnia or the secret character I subtly didn't include lmk

part two out now!!

[raidendeeznuts123]

Oddly reminds me of Nocturne's chase sequence in the Amala labyrinth.

I dreamed a Fear and Hunger style game, but with DMC. And in the game you fought demons while running away from yandere Dante, and every time he found you, you had to fight him to incapacitate him so you could run away again.

[raidendeeznuts123]

okay but. an entire yandere ocean. literally just the entire ocean. you went for a swim one day and never came back. you drift along with the sea, unable to do anything but follow the current and the water's whims. floating from place to place in a protective bubble of water. the surface is impossible for you to breach, as if it's a jiggly ceiling. you have no choice but to float aimlessly as the ocean carries you. nobody can pull you out or help you. you are isolated in the depths.

mermaids don't exist, but you do. and anyone who tries to find you is faced with impossibly violent waves and dangerous storms.

[raidendeeznuts123]

laughing my ass off at this

Listen:

Yandere who is an eldritch monstrosity or alien or some other strange inter-dimensional being who doesn’t understand anything about humans

so they try and give you gifts but the gift is like- a giant ugly ass rock

because in their mind humans like gold and jewels = humans like rare metals = you will love this big ROCK containing the least bountiful and rarest element in the galaxy

And they present you with this gift and you’re like dude what even is this why would I ever want or need a giant rock

and they just look at you like this

[raidendeeznuts123]

I'm a sucker for horror with yandere elements. Really into stuff where it's an average horror story except the antagonist or spooky entity is yandere for the victim. Especially when itd supernatural. Being stuck in a time loop or alternate dimension where each day things deteriorate more and more and you get more and more frightened until you break down and beg for it to stop. But it doesn't. And monsters are always lurking just out of sight, invisible eyes everywhere. Eventually, they start chasing you. And you run for your fucking life. Through the loop over and over again until finally you give up and realize it's futile. Only for the monsters to stare at you. They're horrifying. But they aren't doing anything. Just...staring. Especially if you get trapped with friends, and they're killed off one by one. The yandere genre is at its best when written with horror in mind, in my opinion. I wish I had confidence and the skill to write it myself, but I don't, so I'll just write down things I think about.

[raidendeeznuts123]

peerception

Zero out of zero doctors recommend these frog earrings. That's 100% of the doctors we asked.

[raidendeeznuts123]

I was not expecting so many compliments oh my god 😅

[raidendeeznuts123]

I'm not gonna lie. Writing is a struggle for me. Only started doing it because it allows me to organize my drifting thoughts into more a more coherent form. While I absolutely adore literature and it's intricacies, all of the time I've spent studying it goes straight out the window when I write.

Hope my ramblings thus far have at least been coherent, if not something to read.

(I say this as if I've posted more than two things)

[raidendeeznuts123]

//tw for general abuse(?) and behaviors typically portrayed in yandere writings. This is self-indulgent (and therefore might come off as bizarre) bcz I'm dealing with a lot right now and need to comfort myself in my own fucked up way//

Additional warning for very amateur and nonproofread writing. I lost sight of where I was going with this tbh

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"Come on, it's not that difficult to brush your teeth, or eat better, or exercise. If you're truly struggling that much, why don't you just ask me for help? I know you've been neglecting your health, and as your spouse I cannot let this continue," your so called "spouse" proclaimed, limbs already moving to pick you up. You wanted to deny it, yet your heavily-knotted hair and eyebags said otherwise. You were shaking too much to say anything anyways. "Naturally, since you cannot be trusted, I have decided to put your form under my care for the foreseeable future." It continued, paying no heed to your obvious distress. You were now craddled against their chest, held tightly against an immovable force. "While I, being who I am, cannot comprehend this fear of immobility that humans contain, I am able to sympathize. I understand that this will take some time getting used to, but I promise you that it's for your own good." realization set in as soon as its control did, leaving you paralyzed. At the very least, you lamented, you still had your consciousness. It nuzzles its head into your shoulder, taking in your scent. At the very least, it's better than what happened to them.

[raidendeeznuts123]

If I’m being honest, I don’t like yanderes who only care about themselves. I don’t like the ones who could hardly give a damn about their darlings other than the fact that they’re theirs. They’d lock them up in dog cages or a make-shift prison cell, perhaps, even chained to a bathroom with no care about them. They treat them like prisoners, only giving them basic care.

No. Not my thing. 

That isn’t yandere.

Yandere is about being so hopelessly in love and devoted to your object of affection, your darling. It’s about being so deeply in love with someone that those feelings distort into obsession. And it’s not always about murder-fuelled thoughts or raging jealousy, it’s the idea that without your darling, you are hopeless. You can’t function without them, they are the oxygen that fills your lungs, the sun that guides you home. Without them, you feel empty and hollow, like you were born a second too early to appreciate this world. Your heart feels too heavy, your mind doesn’t feel right, and the people around you don’t matter anymore, because you just can’t function, can’t exist.

A yandere needs their darling’s validation and attention. They need YOU to tell them how great they are, that they’ve been doing a good job– because they can’t get it from anyone else. You become their sole motivation in life.

They don’t necessarily have to be devoted to you, spend their days attached to your hip and stalking you from behind. I mean, yes, those yanderes are great and I could go on and on about them, but I think I’ve touched on this before. Yanderes are allowed to exist outside of their darling. They’re allowed to have hobbies and work and things they treasure that aren’t just centred around their darling…

But they need YOU to help them, to motivate them and get them ready and going to fight whatever obstacles they face in life. They dream, fantasise about having you as their spouse, their partner, their best friend. Just knowing that they can call you up, maybe even get a text message before a big life event (like a sports game or a once in a lifetime job interview), they need that.  They want to know that they have an ally in life, someone who will always be there for them. Someone who cares enough to see that they’re well-fed and clothed. Who will make sure they’re healthy and happy and comfortable and loved. Who will be able to give them confidence whenever they’re lacking.

And the only probable person they can see that coming from, is you. And if they have to do some under-handed things to get you by their side, be it stalking to figure out all the things you like, so that the next time you guys meet they’ll know exactly what to say to get into your good books, then so be it. And if they happen to be a little deluded, a little demented, and they decide the best course of action is to kidnap you and chain you by your ankle to their apartment/room, then that’s what they have to do.

In the end, as long as they have you, does the journey really matter?

[raidendeeznuts123]

damn this did numbers (50 notes) 😲😲

There's not nearly enough yandere entity content on the internet. An eldritch creature who has control over a realm of their own making as well its inhabitants? One that very much already abducts others into aforementioned place for its own desires? That's a lot of potential. Are you even allowed in matches? Do you have immunity? What about The Fog itself, which changes according to the entity's subconscious desires? I'd like to imagine the entity infecting it's killers with such emotions. With you on the line, the killers have never performed so efficiently. The entity enjoys your reactions to each of it's many horrors, but...it has its jealous streaks. You don't talk to anyone not because you're scared, but because you don't want to see those horrible claws bursting out of their body and the light leaving their eyes as soon as the entity decides it's had enough with others touching what's theirs. You're a walking legend to the survivors; you may be in the same faction as them, but you are nowhere near the same. For starters, you're always. there. Even in matches you weren't supposed to be in. The entity doesn't let you interfere with the match, of course, but it has to instill fear into you somehow, right? Come on, it could tell you were bored waiting at the campfire all day. If you are chosen to participate in a match? Everyone knows the outcome. You're basically useless, having to hide the majority of the match because of how the entity's obsessive behavior influences the killers. Some killers do business as usual, others immediately resolve to track you down. One thing's always a constant, though; once they catch wind of you, they'll forget about anything else. But hey, if you play your cards well...at least you can be a good distraction, right? Sometimes your teammates try to help; other times they ditch you immediately. No hard feelings; you understand their need to survive, and they understand how you have no choice but to be dead weight in every match you participate in.

New survivors are informed about you as soon as they're informed about everything else; killers are left to figure it out for themselves on the rare occasions that you're actually in a match. Your freedoms are constantly changing; the entity is a fickle being, after all. Some days you're allowed to scower areas beyond what anyone else in the realm has ever seen, and other days you're unable to move from your bed, the hold the entity has on you unrelenting for a good chunk of the afternoon and well into the evening, your only source of entertainment the visions the entity allows you and the undecipherable whispers filling your head.

[raidendeeznuts123]

There's not nearly enough yandere entity content on the internet. An eldritch creature who has control over a realm of their own making as well its inhabitants? One that very much already abducts others into aforementioned place for its own desires? That's a lot of potential. Are you even allowed in matches? Do you have immunity? What about The Fog itself, which changes according to the entity's subconscious desires? I'd like to imagine the entity infecting it's killers with such emotions. With you on the line, the killers have never performed so efficiently. The entity enjoys your reactions to each of it's many horrors, but...it has its jealous streaks. You don't talk to anyone not because you're scared, but because you don't want to see those horrible claws bursting out of their body and the light leaving their eyes as soon as the entity decides it's had enough with others touching what's theirs. You're a walking legend to the survivors; you may be in the same faction as them, but you are nowhere near the same. For starters, you're always. there. Even in matches you weren't supposed to be in. The entity doesn't let you interfere with the match, of course, but it has to instill fear into you somehow, right? Come on, it could tell you were bored waiting at the campfire all day. If you are chosen to participate in a match? Everyone knows the outcome. You're basically useless, having to hide the majority of the match because of how the entity's obsessive behavior influences the killers. Some killers do business as usual, others immediately resolve to track you down. One thing's always a constant, though; once they catch wind of you, they'll forget about anything else. But hey, if you play your cards well...at least you can be a good distraction, right? Sometimes your teammates try to help; other times they ditch you immediately. No hard feelings; you understand their need to survive, and they understand how you have no choice but to be dead weight in every match you participate in.

New survivors are informed about you as soon as they're informed about everything else; killers are left to figure it out for themselves on the rare occasions that you're actually in a match. Your freedoms are constantly changing; the entity is a fickle being, after all. Some days you're allowed to scower areas beyond what anyone else in the realm has ever seen, and other days you're unable to move from your bed, the hold the entity has on you unrelenting for a good chunk of the afternoon and well into the evening, your only source of entertainment the visions the entity allows you and the undecipherable whispers filling your head.

[raidendeeznuts123]

im sorry GRANDMACORE?? GOBLINCORE??

no thoughts, just heart mugs 💕