rainbow13boy

[rainbow13boy]

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

You have heard it before: if you feel like your life sucks and you’ll never be truly happy - take a shower. Have a snack. Drink a glass of water. Stretch gently. Take a nap. 

Basically, take care of your very basic physical needs and you may find that your emotional and mental well-being improves as well. 

This definitely falls under the category of advice that sounds ridiculously oversimplified, especially when you are right in the middle of a bad mood - and of course it needs to come with the caveat that this won’t cure depression. But even if your low mood is a symptom of depression (or another mental illness), taking care of your physical needs will help stabilize your mood and is a good foundation for further treatment. 

But in this letter, I don’t actually want to discuss that. There are already plenty great tumblr posts doing so. I just want to remind you of another basic need after water, food, sleep, movement and hygiene: Enrichment. 

Enrichment means stimulation of the brain, and you may know this term in the context of people working with animals. Dog owners, zookeepers etc. try to stimulate the animal’s brain by offering them physical or mental exercise. For example, a dog may be encouraged to search for hidden treats! 

You are not a dog, but your brain also needs stimulation. Being understimulated easily leads to feeing unfulfilled and unhappy! 

A really easy way to provide enrichment for yourself is to just change something small about your daily environment or schedule, or try a new activity! Some simple ideas: 

You don’t necessarily need to buy new furniture or even new decorations to change your environment. You could just switch around some pieces you already own! 

You could take a different route home from school/work, go to a different grocery store or even just sit in a different place in your own home than you usually do 

You could try a new recipe, prepare a favorite food in a different way or buy a snack you haven’t tried before 

You could try to move in new ways. That could mean trying a new workout routine but also just doing a silly little dance to your favorite song in your own room! 

These things sound too exhausting? That’s fully possible - being understimulated can, ironically, drastically lower your motivation! If that’s the case, remember that tiny baby steps still help! You don’t need to start with anything too exhausting. It can be something quick like:

change the lockscreen of your phone if yours has been the same for a long time

challenge yourself to read a random article on Wikipedia 

listen to a song, but pick one from outside of “your” genres 

Slowly working your way up to bigger changes can make it easier. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad

[rainbow13boy]

Since watching the documentary A Long Way From Heaven : The Rainbow Y Story, I've been thinking of how the Rainbow Y message to queer students--that you aren't alone and others care for you--was so powerful that it sent shockwaves through the BYU and Church administration.

My strong belief is that queer people are making BYU and the LDS Church better. Those institutions are powerful, but love will ultimately conquer hate and that's why we are feared by the authorities trying to maintain the status quo.

Queer Latter-day Saints may not feel powerful, individually we might feel so alone and insignificant, but others recognize our power, which is why they fight so hard against us. Remember this: You Have Power🌈

[rainbow13boy]

Above all else, crucifixion was a spectacle: The Roman Empire’s way of making a show of its brutality in order to terrorize dominated peoples into submission.

If you dared dissent, you knew what end awaited you: You would be stripped of your autonomy, stripped of your dignity, and finally literally stripped bare before a crowd, your naked, wounded flesh a warning to others to comply, or die.

Today, transgender and intersex persons are likewise made into a spectacle.

Our bodies and private medical histories are put on display for others to gawk at, pity, or judge. New laws attempt to strip us of our God-given free will, denying us the autonomy to respond to God’s invitation to participate in the ongoing creative act that is embodied life.

In school and at work, at home and in church, we face every manner of violence. And when these evils wound us to the point of suicide, or when we are murdered, our deaths are lifted up as a warning: “See what happens when you refuse to comply?”

But through the cross, Jesus transformed shame and death into new life. Though he was the one who was stripped, his execution exposed both the evil of Empire, and its ultimate fallibility.

When we dare to be who God made us to be, society’s spotlight may make us feel like one raw wound, exposed and vulnerable. We may even be subjected to social death.

But we refuse to be ashamed any longer for being the beautiful embodied spirits, inspirited bodies that God calls beloved.

Even when others try to strip us of dignity, status, or autonomy, Christ brings us into joyous, abundant life. The cross is not the end of the story.

From "A Queer Easter Vigil: resurrection after religious trauma" on the Blessed Are the Binary Breakers podcast

[rainbow13boy]

Can you give me some hope about all this anti-trans craziness going on?

I grew up in the 1980's hearing people say AIDS was God's punishment of gays. In 1990, three same-sex couples applied for marriage licenses in Hawaii and kicked off a big fight for marriage equality. Out of this fight came federal & state laws defining marriage as between a man and a woman and refusing to legally recognize gay marriages even if legally performed in another state. Also part of this fight was the Family Proclamation issued by the LDS Church.

Accompanying all this legislating and proclamating was a big culture war and lots of histrionics about how this would lead to the end of marriage, lead to a massive depopulation of the United States, and it would bring the wrath of God upon this country. There was a lot of terrible things said about gay people and the threat they were to everyone else. It was not an easy time to live through.

In 2015, the US Supreme Court legalized gay marriage across the United States and in the past 10 years the whole drama has mostly fizzled away as we see gays and their marriages don't affect anyone else everyone can co-exist just fine. The fight changed the visibility of gay people and the years of dialogue about sexual orientation and sexual desire shifted the cultural understanding of gay people.

Even in the LDS Church there's been a big shift as now most Mormons in the United States likely know someone who is gay and the Church even issued a statement supporting the Respect for Marriage Act, which ensures federal recognition of same-sex and interracial marriages and requires states to recognize marriages that were legally obtained in other states. Things have changed so much that the Family Proclamation, which was written to oppose gay marriages, is now primarily used as a weapon against trans people.

As courts rule in favor of trans rights and trans people become more visible as a result of this fight, I have to believe a similar thing will happen where people will find that trans folks are not the scary bogeyman they were told. Unfortunately, it will be hard to live through as you hear so much vitriol issued by political candidates and even from the sweet lady you know at church and you may find yourself unable to access the care you need or feel safe to be out as your authentic self. But it will get better!

[rainbow13boy]

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

If you feel like „It gets better“ was all a lie, this letter is for you: 

It’s understandable you feel that way. After all it felt like such an omnipresent promise for the young folks in lgbt+ spaces: hey, it gets better! The world is becoming a safer, more accepting place. Laws will change for the better and so will mindsets. We just need to wait it out while things move forward! …. But we just need to turn on the news and we see that promise not coming true. 

We see things going backwards, laws changing for the worse, queerphobic mindsets becoming more normalized. Trump in the US, the Afd in Germany, the scary far-right surge in so many countries: it’s very easy to find reasons to feel hopeless. 

I’m actually not going to tell you to stop feeling that way. These are frustrating, heartbreaking, scary times. Swallowing your pain and pretending it isn’t real, that would be horrible advice. You are allowed to feel disappointed or angry or even betrayed. In fact, you need to allow yourself to feel these feelings. 

But, and this is an important but, I’m also not going to tell you that you are right. Valid, yes, but not completely right. I still believe in „It gets better“. I don’t think it’s a lie. Maybe it’s just a little bit too short. 

It gets better - because we make it better. 

It gets better - because we fight for that. 

It gets better - and we need that hope to fuel the fight. 

Things are not just naturally going forward. We can’t just wait it out until it all magically gets better. Homophobia and transphobia won’t just die out as the time passes by. And that’s painful to accept, especially if you really clung onto this idea for comfort. But that acceptance may also make room for its own (and maybe better?) kind of comfort: a hope that’s more active than passive. 

No, that whole „getting better“ thing won’t happen magically and naturally. But we are doing our best to make it happen. More people are out and proud than ever before, and they are willing to fight back. There are still things changing for the better, small or big, because people fight for it. There are still communities and safe spaces because people are building them. There are still people that vow to uplift and protect each other - and we are not going away. 

So, what can you do? You can feel that betrayal, you can feel your anger and pain. And take it as fuel. You can keep in mind that the progress we’ve made is not erased. We are still here. You are here, and you’re not alone. There are still so many of us fighting for us, loving each other and building a future where we can thrive.

It gets better. Not magically, but because of us. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad 

[rainbow13boy]

[rainbow13boy]

Why did you choose to remain in the church when you figured out you were gay? What made you want to stay?

Let me share why I'm in the church now.

I had an experience where I felt like God said it's okay to leave this church, but if I'm willing to stay there was a special work to do. As a result, I feel like I've had some amazing opportunities come to me.

————————————————————

For a long time, leaving the church didn't feel like an option to me. It was part of being in the closet and trying to pass as straight.

I was a teenager in the 1980's and when I figured out I'm gay, it didn't feel safe to come out. I attended 2 different high schools, no one else was out. Staying in the closet was a way to be safe with my family, my community, and society at large.

I attended the church schools in Rexburg, Idaho & Provo, Utah. The way the Honor Code was at the time made it risky to come out. I finally graduated and wound up in a job with a Mormon boss and rented a place from a Mormon landlord. So while there were times I explored this side of me, legal protections weren't in place back then so coming out meant I could lose my job and my housing.

For a long time, coming out felt too big, too hard, because I had several undiagnosed mental health issues, including a social anxiety disorder which made disappointing the people in my life incredibly hard, which is what would happen if I came out. So yes, I'm a late bloomer, and I have some regrets about that, but finally being out has been the most important milestone and transformed my life.

[rainbow13boy]

It's in the book (or maybe it isn't)

I find certain scripture stories get spoken about in a way that isn't consistent with what's actually in the story.

A good example of this is the story of Sodom & Gomorrah which is typically brought up to say that God is anti-gay. But it only says this if the book is closed. When the Bible is open, it says the sins of Sodom were pride, lack of concern for the poor and needy, hatred of strangers and cruelty to guests, arrogance, evil doing, injustice, oppression of the widow and orphan, adultery, and lying.

I live in a country that is erecting walls to keep out foreigners, and “reforming” welfare to deny poor people, especially if they’re immigrants, access to food and other basic necessities. People regular disrespect others by telling them to “go back to where you came from.” My fellow citizens seem determined to be more like the people of Sodom than they are to follow Christ’s admonition to care for the poor and needy and welcome the foreigner. But no one brings up the story of Sodom to decry these things, instead it's always in support of anti-gay beliefs and policies.

Another example I've been noticing a lot over the past few years is to share the story of the woman caught in adultery as a way to say we all have our sins, and that leaders need to be empathetic of those who are coming to confess. But the follow up that gets added is that this doesn't mean Jesus didn't require her to repent. Church leaders can impose restrictions or disciplinary actions on someone who confesses to adultery. That's not in the text, Jesus said, "neither do I condemn you." This addendum is only there if we keep the book closed.

[rainbow13boy]

In honor of Luca returning to theaters:

New Luca Art dropped from Kenna Jean Harris (story lead on Luca and director of Ciao Alberto):

“i had a whole sequence in mind of Luca and Alberto reuniting for four summers in a row, culminating in a kiss.”

[rainbow13boy]

The Catholic Church now allows for the blessing of same-sex couples but stresses that these unions are not marriage as that is still between a man and a woman.

Catholic clergy may “join in the prayer of those persons who, although in a union that cannot be compared in any way to a marriage, desire to entrust themselves to the Lord and his mercy, to invoke his help, and to be guided to a greater understanding of his plan of love and of truth.”

This replaces the guidelines from 2021 which prohibited blessings for gay couples on the grounds that God “cannot bless sin.”

Pope Francis has taken a more inclusive approach than his predecessors toward LGBTQ people. Another example is in November of 2023 when the Catholic Church stated that transgender individuals may be baptized.

[rainbow13boy]

Matthew 5:21-48 "Ye have heard it said..."

Five times in Matthew chapter 5, Jesus uses some version of "Ye have heard that it was said...But I say unto you..." Jesus is saying that this text has been interpreted this way, but I'm giving a better way. Jesus challenged traditional ideas, He expanded the interpretation.

We can do likewise.

There's two words used a lot in Biblical study, hermeneutics and exegesis.

Hermeneutics is deciding what we will use to help us interpret the text. We bring our own sensibilities, experiences, and understandings. Scholars may bring historical context, linguistical analysis, and a knowledge of Hebrew or Greek.

Exegesis is what understanding we pull from the text. The hermeneutics we use will affect what meaning we retrieve. This is why reading the same verses at different times of our lives will give us different insights.

Jesus taught that all the laws hang on the 2 great commandments to love God and to love people. I think we can use that as our hermeneutics as we read the scriptures. What does this teach me about loving God and about loving people? How does this relate to loving the vulnerable and marginalized?

I also think about how does this relate to queer people? I bring to this my understanding that being queer is not a choice, God made us this way and expects us to live our life as queer. It's incorrect to view queer people as broken, not worthy, or not good enough. LGBTQ+ people deserve hope and an uplifting spiritual life.

Given those hermeneutics, let's look at the examples we find in Matthew 5.

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Matthew 5:21-26

You've heard it said, "Don't commit murder because you'll be in danger of being judged." I say if you're angry at your siblings without a good cause, or you call them names, you'll be in danger of being judged and going to Hell. If you've come to worship God but things aren't right between you and your sibling, then leave and make things right with them before coming back.

Looking at this with the viewpoint of loving our neighbor, how can we love them if we desire harm happen to them? If a person plans to murder someone, but at the last moment doesn’t because of fear of consequences or cowardice, is that person still good with God? No. Don't murder them, but don't even be angry at them. You can't love God if you don't love your brother.

How does this apply to queer people? Don't physically harm LGBTQ+ people. Don't murder us, don't beat us up, don't bully us, and don't call us names. Stigma, prejudice, and discrimination create hostile and stressful social environments which lowers of self-esteem, decreases psychological well-being, and has other harmful mental health outcomes. Instead, desire blessings for us and hope for our inclusion and equal standing.

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Matthew 5:27-30

You have heard that it was said, "You shall not commit adultery." But I say to you that every man who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

It is natural and good for a man to be attracted to women, he can't help that, it's how God designed humans so that we will procreate. But if he's attracted to another man's wife, how does he handle that? Does he merely note that she's attractive and move on or does he lust after her and think about being with her?

If two people have made vows to each other, it's harmful to try to get one of them to break that promise. Loving our neighbor means wanting their happiness and wanting them to have fulfillment in their most important relationship. To selfishly desire something for you that would harm their relationship is not loving. We should wish them the best in their relationship.

Unfortunately, I've had people use this passage to argue that being gay is a sin because I'm lusting after the wrong sort of person, just like the adulterer. And furthermore, by simply using the word 'gay' to acknowledge that I’m attracted to men, they say I'm identifying myself by my sin and I’m committing sin in my heart.

That's not a generous or loving interpretation. This is not how straight people apply this teaching to themselves. This scripture provides no reason to think of homosexual attraction any differently from heterosexual attraction. If we seek to have sex with someone and upset their married relationship, that is a sin, as is lusting for that in our heart. A Christian should love their gay neighbor enough to want them to find a rewarding romantic relationship, just as they hope for themselves.

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Matthew 31-32

It was said, "Whoever divorces his wife must give her a divorce certificate." But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual unfaithfulness, forces her to commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

The law was if you're going to leave your wife, you gotta give her a divorce certificate. This way she can prove she's not married any longer and can pursue finding another husband.

At that time, men had the power to divorce, women did not. Also, women at that time had little power or rights, they were reliant on men. To divorce a wife is to make her vulnerable to real harm, such as poverty, hunger, and homelessness. Men who married made a commitment to the woman, to divorce her is to cause her harm. That is not loving.

Many like to say that sexual immorality is the exception clause, you are not justified in getting divorced unless your spouse has cheated on you, in which case you can move forward with splitting up. I don't know, maybe Jesus is saying that if she cheated on you then she chose to commit adultery, but if you divorce her then you are causing her to commit adultery should she ever remarry, and you'll also be committing adultery if you remarry.

Christianity has long wrestled with these verses. Forcing people to remain in an abusive relationship or letting them split but not get divorced which means they can't remarry, that doesn't seem like it's in their long-term interest. Perhaps a loving way to interpret this verse is that when divorcing your spouse is undeserved and causes them harm, then that is a sin. And your sin is compounded should you remarry and enjoy a new relationship without repairing the harm you did to the first spouse.

I think due to our experience with polygamy and how difficult it was, my church made peace with the idea of divorce and remarriage. Not that we don't discourage divorce, it's seen as a serious thing, but if someone wants to get divorced, we won't stand in the way. And when someone who is divorced wants to get married, we allow that and even give them the highest blessings by letting them get sealed in our temples. We recognize it is to their benefit to get married and enjoy a loving relationship. They have companionship. They have a partner to help with raising the children. They can find sexual satisfaction with the bonds of a marriage. They can help each other progress.

I'm glad my church has put aside this, and other teachings against divorce and remarriage, as we recognize the blessing it is to individuals to get out of relationships which are harming them and also that it is a blessing for them to join a new, loving relationship.

How can we apply this to queer folks? We allow them the same blessings you want for yourself. Let them form loving, committed relationships and bless those with the recognition of marriage because we know such relationships bless their lives.

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Matthew 5:33-37

Again you have heard "Don't make a false promise, you should follow through on what you have pledged to the Lord." But I say you shouldn't make such pledges, and don't swear by heaven. Let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no.

We need to keep the commitments we make. Don't be deceitful. Don't make a promise we intend to break. When we make promises that others rely on, all while knowing we don't intend to keep that commitment, it harms them. They take actions that benefit us without getting the same in return. That's definitely not loving our neighbor. We should be honorable and trustworthy and known to keep our word. We should have integrity.

I think of people who say they love and support queer people, call themselves an ally and say we should be treated fairly by society, and then they vote for candidates who seek to block us from having legal protections and rights. If you're going to vote for our harm, then you're not the loving ally you portray yourself as.

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Matthew 5:38-42

You have heard it said, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth." But I say to you when someone hits you on your cheek, turn the other to him. If someone legally takes your tunic, give them your cloak as well. If you are pressed into service for one mile, go two miles.

This is different from the other examples because they were saying for us not to harm others. These verses are how to respond when we get treated unfairly. Jesus is not saying that we should be a doormat inviting more injury to ourselves.

Jesus' examples are forms of passive resistance. If a Roman legionary tells you to do something, and you refuse, you are punished. If you are unjustly sued, and you lash out, then you go to prison, instead here's steps you can take to highlight the wrongness of what is being done.

I've read that in Jesus' time someone could backhand a person of lower status as a way to assert authority and dominance. If someone backhands you, turn your face so they can slap your other cheek. They can't use their left hand as it's used for unclean purposes, so will they now hit you with their open hand as that shows you're equal? By turning the other check, I am forcing them to recognize my equality or to walk away from my challenge which undermines the idea of their dominance.

A person's tunic could be used as collateral for a loan, but not the cloak. The debtor can be forced to give the shirt off of his back, but by also giving them the cloak, they're now naked. Public nudity was viewed as bringing shame on not just the one who is naked, but also the viewer

Inhabitants of occupied territories could be forced by Roman authorities to carry messages and equipment for one mile post, but the law prohibited forcing them to go further than a single mile. A Jew at any time could feel the tap on his shoulder from a Roman soldier and know he has to carry the soldier's gear for a mile. By going the extra mile, it's a nonviolent way to criticize the unjust Roman law and cause the Roman solider to be at risk of discipline

These are each ways assert our dignity and to shame others for the how they're treating us. Each is a form of resistance but not retaliation, each is a way of highlighting the injustice without it turning into revenge. This is nonviolence, which can be powerful in changing hearts.

This passage reminds me of the first time I went to a Pride event, it was really joyous and wonderful, except for some preacher yelling about how we're all sinners and going to hell and even yelling insults about what people were wearing. He was really getting people upset. Instead of yelling insults back, or worse, a group formed a circle around him and started singing Katy Perry's song Firework and the rest of the crowd joined in, drowning out his hateful words, until security could remove him. We did no harm to him and our actions served in contrast to his hate and anger. It was a way to affirm ourselves and negate his message

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Matthew 5:43-48

You've heard it said, "You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy." But I say to love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you. God's sun rises on both the good and the bad, the rain falls on the just and unjust, in other words, he blesses all. There's no benefit in only loving those who love you.

When one group perceives another as 'the Enemy,' it's easy for conspiracy theories, prejudice, and fear to cause us to no longer see their humanity. This leads to seeing all Muslims as undercover terrorists or to believe that gay people are responsible for hurricanes.

We are to love everyone.  This includes people who aren’t our race, or religion, or nationality. This includes sexual minorities, poor people, that annoying coworker, the politicians voting to limit your rights.

We don't have to agree with them, we can look for a peaceful, constructive ways forward. We focus on the issue and don’t make things personal. We can have kindness and goodwill for people even as we disagree.

I think of the hatred toward LGBTQIA+ people by people who identify as Christian. The lack of compassion towards queer people is disheartening, and to be asked to love them in return feels difficult, but it can lead to positive change.

In 2004, 60% of Americans disapproved of gay marriage. In 2019, 61% approved of gay marriage. That's a complete flip-flop in 15 years. There were many who vehemently against gay marriage and not much compassion was shown towards queer people. Gay rights advocates were speaking of love. When gay marriage was legalized, we saw videos of couples joyously celebrating their love, which stood in contrast to the bigotry that had been expressed. It's hard to see the joy and love and believe the hateful rhetoric.

We can keep protesting, keep speaking our truth, keep advocating for those who can't, but don't villainize those who oppose us. Stick to the issues and act with compassion and love. Let our actions stand in contrast against those who view us as enemies.

[rainbow13boy]

Ben Schilaty is well-known for being an openly gay man who is committed to living by the Church standards. Today he's letting the world know that he's opening himself up to love.

"I have a heart that’s wired for connection and I can’t help but have crushes. But I constantly put up barriers so I don’t fall in love. So, for as long as I can remember, I’ve been shoving my emotions down to protect myself from the pain."

"While my dating status is changing...it’s quite possible that a year from now, five years from now, ten years from now I’ll still be single. And I’m perfectly okay with that. I don’t know how this journey will end or what the results will be, but I know I need to be on it."

"I am feeling God invite me to remove the barriers I have built around my heart and open myself up to the possibility of loving someone. And wanting to love someone is a righteous desire."

"I have said many times over the years that I planned to remain single. While I have always encouraged everyone to follow their own path, I did think that my path was pretty fixed on singlehood. But I was wrong. Life experience and new realizations about myself have led me to change my mind. And this change feels like growth."

[rainbow13boy]

Id rather have queer rights now and find out I was wrong once I die rather than the consistent denial of an entire community's personhood and get to the other side and find out i've been wrong. I'd rather love when I'm not supposed to than hate when I'm not supposed to.

[rainbow13boy]

It will be 25 years on Oct. 12 since Matthew Shepard's death in Laramie, Wyoming.

[rainbow13boy]

Ways (that I have tried) to try to make a church/religious community more inclusive:

(This is more my religion/Christian centered, but can be applied to any kind of organization really)

Refer to to all presidents of organizations as president regardless of gender (Relief Society President, Young Women's President, etc.)

Use all inclusive language in scripture / doctrine/talk reading (even if you have to replace a word) (replace son or daughter or gendered language with child, people, or all. 'Children of God vs Sons and Daughters of God).

Don't be afraid to speak up for and add perspective of marginalized people in church community. This doesn't just have to be ethnic or queer minorities, it can extend to divorced, widowed, childless, disabled or converted members.

Recognize biases in self and religious thinking, and try to self-correct in words and deeds.

Reframe conversations that may be hurtful in a 'Love One Another' and Christ and/or God centered way.

(feel free to add on!!)

[rainbow13boy]

[rainbow13boy]