raines-scale

[raines-scale]

I just want to black out and wake up skinny

[raines-scale]

Oh my god I just realized I may suffer from binge eating disorder

I don't want to self-diagnose but oh my god. I looked at several websites, looked at all the symptoms and FUCK it FITS. IT SHOULDN'T FIT.

I don't know what to do now.

Should i tell my therapist about it??? Would she help in any way??

I don't even know if my country thinks BED is serious enough for help

I am so scared

[raines-scale]

me: is shaking cause fasting

also me: energy drink will fix that

*shaking intensities*

me: the risk i took was calculated, i am however bad at math

[raines-scale]

I despise my body

The older I get means I get more health problems and msot of them are from my mum (woohoo genetics!)

I cannot fast properly now without wanting to throw up and die, that never happened before I was always fine and could go on without eating several days in a row

What the fuck happened ☹️

I am gonna start a fast and see if I can just push through the awful nausea and if it'll go away I am desperate man.

[raines-scale]

i feel uncomfortable everywhere

[raines-scale]

idk how to explain this but I feel like being skinny would make my mental illness more...socially acceptable?

[raines-scale]

i want the romanticized version of an ed not whatever the fuck this shit is

[raines-scale]

[raines-scale]

OKAY NOWS MY CHANCE

I feel sick since yesterday night and I don't rlly wanna eat, not even the urge is there

This could be my fresh new start!!

A rlly nice fasting going on rn :))

[raines-scale]

I have to gain control again

I hate the body I am in

I want to dress how I WANT to, not how I have to bc of my size

It sickens me

Not to mention I already struggle with self-esteem, the fact I can't look androgynous no matter how hard I try makes me want to cry

[raines-scale]

[raines-scale]

Trying to gain control again bc my life is falling apart ✨

[raines-scale]

[raines-scale]

[raines-scale]

I hate waiting I hate restricting I just want to wake up at my ugw and be done 😭

[raines-scale]

You are not:

Hard to love

Difficult to be around

Undeserving of love

Undeserving of help and care

Going to be alone forever

Going to be abandoned by who you love

Feel this lonely always

Too awkward and shy to meet new people

Please remember that you deserve to be loved and allow others to love you unconditionally. 🌷💕

[raines-scale]

Please hit me with a car so i dont have to kill myself i am so fucking tired of everything