raisanutau-blog

[raisanutau-blog]

howdy folks! i’m here with an important announcement. i’m about to send in a message to the ml, but i’m dropping from citta entirely. i’ve met a lot of great people here and i’m always thankful for that but i think it’s about time i kind of take myself in a new direction, i guess. you’re more than welcome to follow me on my twitter if you don’t already and/or if you want to keep in touch, but. it’s been real, folks. see ya round (*´∇｀)ノ

[raisanutau-blog]

okay! it’s finally ad time, since i want to get some fresh threads going!

just as a fair warning: shu isn’t a very sociable person, and is incredibly bad with new people and has a razor sharp tongue too. if you’re looking for a totally smooth sailings interaction, this probably isn’t the ad for you. but if you’re willing to give things a shot, then by all means go for it! and if you have any specific ideas you’d like to toss at me, feel free to either IM me or shoot me an @ on twitter (either here or here). i’m not putting a cap on this one!

[raisanutau-blog]

hello there! now that my muse count is lighter, i’ll be working on doing more stuff with this boy here. and i’ll be putting up a (non-event) ad in a bit, but as a note: i’m dropping most of my threads. i’d like to kind of get a fresh start, since keeping up with as many muses as i was kind of diverted my attention so much that i was having a Mess of a time doing things across the board. i apologize about this, but if you want to have something new feel free to hmu or like the ad i’ll be putting up once i fix his theme since the one he has now keeps glitching really bad! 

[raisanutau-blog]

smilingidoll:

Mika could notice something strange was going on in the city… everyone was so nervous, many people running around and locking themselves inside their homes; though many terrified screams were coming out of the houses, too. Unsure and shaking, the teenager could just focus on his objective to find willpower to keep moving forward.

He hugged more his bag of fabric and tools, important assets to Valkyrie continue to work. It was everything he was able to buy with their limited resources, so he should deliver it safely to Oshi-san’s current “house”. Hopefully he would find a job soon and help more to ease their conditions…

Mika was taken off his thoughts when he noticed a crowd - more like a lump of people - gathering around someone. It was a terrifying sight and he would have run for sure if some words didn’t catch his attention. Specially, sovereign.

That mention made him stood on his toes to take a better look, and a glance was everything he needed to realize the target of that gross crowd was his own mentor and leader. Immediately, Mika’s scared expression changed and he stared at them with a serious deep gaze, letting the bag drop on the floor.

He walked fast towards the crowd - faster when Shu’s shout and desperate gestures could be noticed - trying his best to open way among them, even if they were so close to each other that seemed like a unique entity. It was almost like a horror movie creature.

“Y'all… nuisance…”

Mika muttered as pushing his body among the crowd, more irritated at each passing second.

“Y'all… how dare…”

All the foul things they were shouting, Shu’s figure sweating and uncomfortable under the crowd’s pressure and the fact they were totally ignoring his pleas to get away and instead drawing closer, everything was making Mika’s blood boil very fast.

“Aren’t y'all listenin’….”

“GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Screaming on the top of his lungs, Mika grabbed one of them by the hair seconds before them could touch Shu, delivering the strongest punch he could on their face and throwing him to the crowd, now agitated.

The boy quickly turned on heels and took stance in front of Shu, standing between him and the mass of people, scooping them with the expression of a hound dog, his fists ready to deliver again and fangs showing without shame.

“Aren’t y'all listenin’…. fuck off, y'all… while y’all can!!!!”

The more clustered the crowd becomes, the more uncomfortable the situation becomes. His stomach twists and churns, as nails dig harder into the concrete as though he’ll be able to scrape his way through it entirely to escape. Ah, he’s going to look disgusting later on, but his mind isn’t processing the fact now; only the swarm of words being tossed at him, like knives piercing through his flesh and drawing not blood, but sheer panic. 

“How disgusting you are! Treating that boy like you did, it’s no wonder he had enough of you!” “You’ve pushed away so many people, haven’t you! You’re scraping to the top, but for what? A sullied sovereign title?” “Weren’t you friends? You could talk to him, and all you do is spit on him instead! You’re so selfish, aren’t you?” “You’re going to shove him away, too! It’s what you deserve! You disgusting excuse for a human being! Dirty, dirty, dirty!”

His chest felt tight, as though he’d forgotten how to breathe. Whatever these people--these things--were, they were attacking him as though aware of too much. Of any cracks behind his well-polished being, things that nobody should be aware about. Things that even he wasn’t consciously aware of. Shu’s eyes clench shut as hands begin to reach for him, his throat growing dry, and he barely can make out the sound of a different voice, something that wasn’t blending in with the rest, but it must be another part of his subconscious that he doesn’t want to acknowledge. That has to be it, right? He can’t--

--the sound of a bellowing, familiar voice causes his eyes to snap back open instantly. Things seem to happen before he can register exactly what’s going on, but one of the ‘crowd’ members now lies on the ground, and that familiar mop of hair in front of him, almost appearing like a beast ready to attack.

“...Kagehira?” He barely manages to mumble before the skewed mob in front of them starts to grow even more restless. Shu feels as though a rock has settled in the pit of his stomach.

“What are you doing? Defending something like that? Shouldn’t you have left?” “He gave you a chance to run, right? You should! Look! Look! He’s just as broken as the dolls he likes to tend to...”

His fingers dig further into the concrete--and it must be his imagination, but something feels as though it’s shattered. Shu pulls his hands away, only to see his fingers looking distorted, as though they were the cracked porcelain of a broken doll, a deep red liquid seeping from the cracks. He inhales so sharply, quickly that he feels as though his lungs will burst. He’s..

“K... Kagehira.” The sovereign croaks, trying his damn hardest to keep himself from sounding as though he’s losing his grip. “You should not be here.”

endless waltz of phobia

[raisanutau-blog]

endless waltz of phobia

There was something incredibly wrong with this city right now.

You didn’t need to be any sort of genius to figure it out, but he wished he could’ve figured it out before having ventured out into the open labyrinth of the many streets. Now he was caught up in whatever mass hysteria this was, and oh, he wishes he could simply say he was witnessing it from a bystander’s point of view.

No. Right now, Shu stood uncomfortably stiff, surrounded by people who had seemed to just manifest in front of him without warning. Like they’d simply materialized there, and were now drawing closer and closer to him. Uncomfortably so; Shu could feel his stomach twisting and every fiber of his being put upon edge with every step closer they got. Every word that left their mouths, growing more and more angered, stressing on everything he hated.

“How vulgar! You’ve no taste!” “You’ve fallen so low, haven’t you? You look like the garbage you always looked down on now, don’t you!”

“You failed! You lost! You did’t hold everything together perfectly at all! Look at you, what you’ve done!” “What dirty hands you have! Do you have any right to call yourself a sovereign?”

His breaths grew heavier, as he moved backwards, further and further the closer they came--until he felt something firm behind him, realizing he was pinned now. He had nowhere to go, and yet they still kept drawing nearer.

“Shut--”

“Disgusting! Do you ever listen to yourself? How horrible you sound? You are foul, and everything you produce, too!” “Snide, cruel, fallen-from-the top sovereign!” 

“Do you even realize what you’re doing? To all of them? To him? To Mi--”

“SILENCE--!!”

Shu bellows, a desperate attempt at getting whatever horrendous apparitions these are to leave, flinging his arms out as if to swat them away. But they neither leave, nor seem bothered by his shout, his gesture, his back against the wall, nails digging into concrete so uncomfortably--he sees a mess of almost familiar hair bobbing through the crowd, but Shu can only assume it’s another trick of the mind. Whatever’s going on--he wants no part in this.

Stop. For the love of god, stop.

@smilingidoll

[raisanutau-blog]

[Mini Event] Trick or Retreat

pho·bi·a /ˈfōbēə/ noun

an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something.

Continuar lendo

[raisanutau-blog]

based on this suggestions blog.  warning:  these are pretty dark/angry  &  could be triggering to some people.  please be cautious before proceeding!!

‘  all i want in my life is for my friends to be able to touch me suddenly  &  me to not flinch away without meaning to.  when will this stop affecting me?  ’ ‘  all i want is to be soft  &  gentle,  but i’m made out of steel  &  anger.  maybe in another life,  i guess.  ’ ‘  beauty is in the eye of the beholder,  so choose to see beauty in everything.  ’ ‘  burning it all to the ground  &  force them to start again.  they made you lose everything.  now return the favor.  ’ ‘  do i ever even cross your mind or do i do all the thinking of us on my own?  ’ ‘  do you trust me enough?  do you trust me at all?  ’ ‘  don’t you dare abandon me.  ’ ‘  even after all you have done,  i will always want you fighting on my side.  ’ ‘  every time i see you smile i fall in love with your brightness all over again.  ’ ‘  everyone i have ever loved is long gone.  i sing to the sky alone.  ’ ‘  everyone i touch gets hurt,  but i can’t stop.  i touch  &  i touch  &  i touch  &  people get hurt.  why can’t i ever stop?  ’ ‘  everyone says i used to be a hero,  but i can still taste the blood in my mouth  &  still feel bruises blooming because of my fists  &  my eyes are still stretched wide  &  terrified.  ’ ‘  everything i love has been taken from me.  what do i have left to fight for?  ’ ‘  fall in love with someone that makes you feel strong.  ’ ‘  friends are more important than any material object will ever be.  ’ ‘  i am aching to hold you  &  keep you safe,  to be pressed against you so that nothing can harm you.  ’ ‘  i am divine  &  you will bow before me.  ’ ‘  i am fucking divine.  ’ ‘  i am in control  &  i listen to no one.  ’ ‘  i am not a good person.  don’t pretend i am.  ’ ‘  i am not accustomed to love.  this is a learning experience.  ’ ‘  i am not worth saving  &  i am not worth redemption.  let me stay in the dark.  ’ ‘  i am so tired all the time,  all i want to do is rest.  ’ ‘  i am too tired to deal with any of this.  ’ ‘  i bow to no man.  ’ ‘  i broke into sharp pieces when i broke  &  i expect someone else to hurt their hands on my edges just to put me back together.  i’m sorry.  ’ ‘  i can give you your wings back  &  i can show you to fly once more,  if you only believe in me.  ’ ‘  i cannot be saved.  ’ ‘  i can’t ask for help because if i ask for help it hurts people.  i can bear this weight on my own.  i have to.  ’ ‘  i could taste the lies in your mouth every time i kissed you,  but i loved you too much to notice.  ’ ‘  i crave affection in the simplest way.  ’ ‘  i deserve to hurt.  i deserve to bleed.  ’ ‘  i didn’t ask for any of this so don’t you dare blame this on me.  ’ ‘  i don’t care if you say my name like it’s poison or like it’s a prayer,  as long as it leaves your lips.  ’ ‘  i don’t fight for you anymore.  ’ ‘  i don’t want to let go of you.  not now,  not ever.  ’ ‘  i don’t want to talk about it.  i don’t want to remember.  i don’t want to heal.  all i want is for it to go away.  ’ ‘  i don’t want you to touch me.  please don’t touch me,  just go away.  ’ ‘  i feel anger deeper than my bones.  i feel anger in my very soul.  ’ ‘  i feel nothing at all,  except for when i feel everything all at once.  ’ ‘  i have fallen  &  though i may miss the sky,  i belong here now.  ’ ‘  i have fallen from a height your mind cannot even imagine.  ’ ‘  i have no home anymore.  ’ ‘  i remember collapsing in the flames with a sword in my hand  &  then i remember nothing.  ’ ‘  i see beauty in everything,  but especially in you.  ’ ‘  i should never have fallen in love with you.  ’ ‘  i thought for a long time that i was so terrible no one would look at me.  now i know it’s because i shine so bright they are forced to look away.  ’ ‘  i was so caught up in the feeling that i forgot how to breathe.  ’ ‘  i will never amount to anything.  i am a failure in the worst type of way.  ’ ‘  i will tell myself that the burn of my loneliness in my chest completes me  &  maybe someday it will be true.  ’ ‘  if that’s what a hero is i’m glad i’m not one anymore.  ’ ‘  if you ask me to,  i will set the whole world on fire,  my dear.  it’s all for you.  ’ ‘  is it my fault?  it’s my fault.  it’s always my fault.  ’ ‘  it’s not murder if they deserved it,  right?  ’ ‘  i’m drowning in emotions that don’t belong to me,  choking on anger  &  suffocating on sadness.  ’ ‘  i’m in love with everything that hurts me.  ’ ‘  i’m okay.  i’m alright.  this is all in my mind.  ’ ‘  i’m ready to give up everything i’ve ever had if it means someone will love me.  ’ ‘  i’m so cold  &  i can’t stop shaking.  i am not who you think i am.  ’ ‘  i’m so tired all the time  &  i just want to be awake again.  ’ ‘  i’m tired of fighting against the pain of being forgotten.  i just want someone to remember me.  ’ ‘  i’m tired of fighting everything in my life.  just make it stop.  ’ ‘  i’m too tired to care.  blow up,  get angry at me.  i’m sure someday i’ll realize i deserved it.  ’ ‘  jealousy burns within me.  ’ ‘  just let me go in peace for once in my damn life.  ’ ‘  loneliness is a disease  &  it leaves me empty  &  hollow,  like sound goes through my body  &  bounces back.  ’ ‘  made of starlight  &  sunshine,  i shine brighter than they all know.  ’ ‘  my anger is righteous  &  my actions are pure.  ’ ‘  my chest aches  &  my lungs burn.  this sickness comes from the inside.  ’ ‘  my chest hurts  &  all i need is some comfort  &  understanding.  ’ ‘  my chest hurts  &  i ache to go back to the sky.  ’ ‘  my shoulders are aching where wings used to be  &  all i want is for them to stop hurting.  ’ ‘  pull me apart  &  piece me together in your own way.  make me perfect.  ’ ‘  righteous fury throws through my veins  &  if you touch the people i love i will destroy you.  ’ ‘  rise up.  you can’t keep being small when you were made for so much more.  ’ ‘  say my name like it’s the only one that’s ever been on your tongue.  ’ ‘  so much blood has been spilled in my name.  time to make you believe it was in yours.  ’ ‘  so you’ll worry about me when i fall silent,  but not when i scream  &  plead for help?  fuck off.  ’ ‘  sometimes people have to get hurt for me to get what i want.  ’ ‘  stay away from my fucking friends.  stay the fuck away or so help me i will destroy you.  ’ ‘  stop treating me like i’m an idiot.  you aren’t better than me in any way  &  you better remember that.  ’ ‘  the bitter taste of regret is ever present on my tongue.  ’ ‘  the world is spinning far too fast for me to stay on it.  ’ ‘  to love them is my divine right.  ’ ‘  voices whisper from the shadows  &  they fill my mind with thoughts of you.  ’ ‘  what did i to wrong to be so unloved?  ’ ‘  what is the point of power if i’m not supposed to use it?  ’ ‘  who the fuck do you think you are?  ’ ‘  why can’t i ever fucking stop crying?  ’ ‘  with a new year comes new tests  &  triumphs.  let’s try to make the most out of it.  ’ ‘  would it really kill you to be honest for once?  ’ ‘  yes,  i remember my wings breaking  &  being destroyed.  i was powerless to stop it.  ’ ‘  you are not required to love your parents,  or to even like them.  ’ ‘  you can’t hate me more than i hate myself,  but you are more than welcome to try.  ’ ‘  you may say you love me,  but you love only a part of me.  i am too complex for you to ever love my entire being.  ’ ‘  you never fucking cared about me.  don’t fucking lie about it.  not to me.  ’ ‘  you remind me of mint.  fresh,  sharp,  kind of cold,  but in a nice way.  i always knew there was a reason mint was my favorite.  ’ ‘  you shine light in even the darkest parts of me.  you are my sun.  ’ ‘  you should fear me,  but you don’t.  i will be eternally puzzled,  yet grateful.  ’ ‘  you touch me  &  my skin burns  &  it burns for you,  always you.  ’

[raisanutau-blog]

[raisanutau-blog]

smilingidoll:

“O-Oshi-san, t-that….” They were good, no doubt, but Mika had bigger concerns now and his spirit on fire.

“That’s not fair…! I want to be on stage with Oshi-san too! To sing and dance as Valkyrie once again and show everyone how awesome we are..! Ne, Oshi-san..?”

“...” Shu’s only reaction at first is to bite down hard on his lip as he continues to glare up at Tenshouin standing on the stage, before he lets out a rather loud exhale and shifts his attention to Mika.

“...Yes, that would be ideal, wouldn’t it. While it wouldn’t be nearly as satisfying to tear Tenshouin down when he is lacking what he normally has, at the least, we could make our own uprising... Tsk! How are we to do such a thing, however! This is not such a simple place to get footing in! Aah, unsightly, how dreadful...!”

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smilingidoll:

He doesnt want to like it but the show is so good

The enemy is really strong, isn’t he?

“Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!”

Listen to him clicking his tongue over and over. Why is Tenshouin up there!

Why do they sound good? This is some trick! It’s not a treat!

[raisanutau-blog]

10showin:

A quick wink from the stage

Oh? What is this feeling? Is this bloodlust?

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“...WHAT!!”

Don’t mind him. Shu got here late and missed the memo that his enemy was performing. Doesn’t that tree work in the clothing shop with him, too?!

[raisanutau-blog]

10showin:

@raisanutau

“Ufufu… amazing costume, as expected from Itsuki-kun…~~ I’m glad you, and your dancer, joined this dazzling night of lively demons and spirits~~” Eichi winked, admiring Shu head to toe and offering a tip of his hat.

“And may the best contestant win, right…~~? Good luck, Itsuki-kun~~”

Ugh.

Shu would’ve been perfectly, entirely fine if he hadn’t heard that voice all night. But he’s not so lucky, and he has to turn and see that smug face looking back at him.

Horrible.

“Of course I would put nothing but my best forward. Who do you think we are?” He states simply, scowling under the other boy’s gaze. “You needn’t say a word in that regards. I intend to.”

‘Good luck~,’ he says, as if Shu’s the one who needs it here.

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There’s some daunting aura coming from somewhere in the room... ah. It’s only Shu.

No, no, don’t mind him. He’s just leering from elsewhere, watching these strangers and Kagehira carefully, to insure they don’t somehow insult him Shu’s meticulous handiwork.

[raisanutau-blog]

smilingidoll:

raisanutau respondeu seu post:

He doesn’t know what he is doing but looks fun and…

KAGEHIRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Yes, Oshi-san~~~?”

“That! Is...!!”

He’s having a crisis, Mika.

[raisanutau-blog]

“Tsk. This place cannot even seem to remain focused on what’s at hand without jumping towards something else at the drop of a needle. It’s far too early to be making such a noisy fuss over Christmas.”

[raisanutau-blog]

smilingidoll:

Mika didn’t even consider the crowd around them for once, too focused and overjoyed by his leader at reach, finally finding some solace and a familiar face to rely on. Listen to Shu’s voice just made him even happier, making sure he was real and there, not just an illusion caused by despair.

“W-waaaa!!!” But before he could say anything else, the leader grabbed him and Mika followed obediently and in silence despite the startle, his heart pounding with Oshi-san’s reaction and the sense of urgency. He looked around nervously, wondering if they were being followed? Was Shu in trouble or danger?

“Oshi-san…” When they finally stopped, Mika watched Shu with a concerned expression, finally realizing they were in a crowd and many eyes were on them, and the doll blushed in embarrassment, realizing his mishap - conclusion endorsed soon by Shu when he spoke up again, lecturing him rightfully.

Still, feeling that fierce gaze upon him and hearing that words, words that could sound harsh and cold to an outsider, Mika smiled more, emotional tears shining the corner of his eyes as he gazed tenderly at that methodic eyes above. He would give anything to hear that voice again and soak in Shu’s unique way of show care for his clumsy doll.

Ah, he could feel his strength and focus return little by little. Valkyrie was reunited; everything would be manageable now, and Kagehira Mika was ready to do his best. Wiping his tears, he sniffled and spoke up again, a lot more lively than before.

“I-I arrived yesterday…. I’m so sorry, Oshi-san! I was so scared and confused I couldn’t even move, so I couldn’t do self-maintenance at all, yanno~~? I’m glad I found ya…! It’s a miracle, so please fix me again and I’ll be as good as new…! If it’s Oshi-san, ya can do it…~~~”

He laughed softly, but the details of Shu’s figure caught his eyes too as he looked closer and carefully. Yes, it was still Oshi-san, awesome and beautiful, but… no way this city wouldn’t touch his features too, but would he be damaged in less than 24 hours…? Mika couldn’t believe it, but the other alternative was way worse.

“Oshi-san… and ya…? How long… have ya been here…? D-did we arrive together…? Or…?”

The smile had disappeared as Mika couldn’t finish the sentence, staring at Shu with a concerned expression and already afraid of the answer.

At the least, escaping the public eye helps him to relax slightly. He’s still quite on edge, but that really can’t be helped. This city in general is stressful.

And apparently he’s not the only one who feels it. Shu’s brows furrow and his eyes narrow as he takes in Mika’s features once more upon hearing his words. Arrived only yesterday, and yet he was already such a mess...? Not like Shu himself had room to talk much, but at least he hadn’t let himself get so out of hand in only a day. Still, it’s--it’s not like he doesn’t understand. This is a troublesome, worrisome matter. 

“Letting yourself get so out of hand in only twenty-four hours? Do you intend to sully Valkyrie’s name so quickly? Even through a time such as this, you cannot simply drag your tail and let yourself become dirtied! Tsk, I suppose I will have to continue to maintain you, lest--”

Shu falls silent the moment Mika questions him, knowing immediately why he’s even being asked such a thing. Mika had been glancing over his features as he’d been speaking, and Shu knew full well that he’d had issues of his own. Though for it to be picked up on so quickly, he must’ve gotten worse than he’d thought. Ah, how grotesque it was, this feeling--since wasn’t he dragging Valkyrie’s name through the mud himself, like this?

Lips tightening into a deep frown, Shu casts his gaze off to the side. He doesn’t want unnecessary concern, or pity, but it would be useless to simply brush something like this off. Mika would continue to fret and panic unless he gave some kind of response.

“...I have been here for a month,” he states finally, as though he were simply reciting the details of a live or something of the sort, and not talking about his own state of being and troubles. “But this is not the first time I have been here. It seems this place is in a much more detestable state than the last time I was forced here against my will. Tsk... I suppose I’ve been sullying Valkyrie’s name with my own hands all this time without paying notice to what I was doing. Ah--it’s despicable, to let myself fall so much, isn’t it. However.”

He looks back to Mika, with the sort of strong, sharp gaze he’d normally wear (though surely, even that must appear weak in this place).

“There is absolutely no need to concern yourself with my state of being. I will simply have to work even harder to prevent myself from dirtying Valkyrie’s name any further. Perhaps we are no longer in Yumenosaki, but I refuse to relent my status nevertheless. I am the sovereign, and I will remain so no matter where I am. Do you understand, Kagehira?”

( never mind the fact that it was precisely because he continued to push himself so relentlessly in an already sorry state that he kept deteriorating without realizing it, but even that he doesn’t take notice of. )

Shu clicks his tongue, not wanting to speak on the subject matter further, so a change of action would be necessary. Well--he did need to perform maintenance on Mika, as well as work on some things of his own, and get out of the public’s eye, so dwelling here further wouldn’t do them any good. There’s only a brief pause before he begins to move, taking a few steps past Mika before beckoning him to follow.

“We are leaving this area, for now. Accompany me to my assigned quarters, and we can take care of maintenance there.”

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