raisedbycrazies - Tumblr blog

[raisedbycrazies]

Why shes wrong but partly right

1. Hit too close to home No memory of charles acting out. After 3rd tantrum started ignoring them/waiting them out (as suggested by elyse and tim and therapist) 2. My "attitude" Attitude is implying i was being rude, which i never intentionally tried to do. I never once rolled my eyes and just because you "felt" i did doesnt mean i did it. My mood was based off of how I was feeling during the day and ill agree it was not chipper but try being happy while a child is throwing a tantrum (which i was told to ignore and wait out) and then once theyre done and back to "normal" try to not be exhausted while entertaining them (which i never had a problem with getting him to express being excited or happy). I bet you no normal person will walk around smiling all day but very rarely. 3. I didnt "fail" I stayed everyday with him by myself. I asked for help, reached out to his parents, documented events, took your advice, mimicked your behaviors towards how to handle certain situations, talked to the girls you sent to help me (although i didnt call his previous counselor because i dont know her and thought my boss's help was enough) and worked with my counselors for extra help. So you saying i failed when I literally did everything I could is insulting and a failure on your part for placing such a challenging child with a nonprofessional (speaking as in he needed a special ed camp or special therapist with him not a shadow) employee. Saying i failed and that i wasnt positive enough, didnt take suggestions, and it hit too close to home is outrageous, and as a developing counselor I can tell you your observations are wrong because you can not suggest anything about someone or know anything about someone if you dont know me personally, i havent told you in confidence, or havent observed me in a session. So to try and use your manipulative tactics to confuse me and try to get me to admit I somehow am the cause for his behavior or "failed" is insane. Shame on you. 4. You betrayed me I trusted you to understand where i was coming from. To validate how i was feeling. That i wasnt crazy and that this kid's behavior was bad. And you saw it and believed me and even stated it was. You werent even happy with how the mother was handling it. Then literally, just like a light switch, you turned off and suddenly started blaming me. 5. That contract It was a lie. It was disgusting. It blamed me. It was unfair. And I couldnt sign it because Im not crazy, what i went through was true, i was mistreated, and that child did not belong at the camp. Because i believe in myself, i worked hard, because i didnt fail, because i stand up for myself

[raisedbycrazies]

Bathroom and Memories With NDad

I just remembered when I would have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and if I was “too loud” or turned on any lights I would get in trouble. My NDad needed it to be completely silent and since me having to pee at night was inconvenient for him he’d punish me. Part of that is why I didn’t stop wearing a diaper until later in life and had trouble for years after going to the bathroom without having an accident. Because when ever I’d have to go it’d be inconvenient for him. I had a UTI until I was 16 for as long as I could remember before that because of me doing this to my body.

[raisedbycrazies]

Why I'm A Feminist

The men in my life who were supposed to protect me growing up groomed me into being the perfect assault victim and “house wife.” That led to me being molested by my uncle and almost raped by him, as well as almost being kidnapped at a young age (and stalked by multiple men throughout my childhood) as well as raped later on in life. My sex life for the longest time was me allowing my boyfriends to do what they wanted so that they’d shut up, without ever giving consent first. I didn’t want to have sex, which I understand now is okay. I didn't want to be touched. I felt dirty and violated. But every man that I came across felt they had a right to my body, so my defenses rose higher. One ex told me during our relationship when I was coming to terms with my sexual assault that it had been “long enough” and when was I going to get over it because he had “needs” too. It had only been one month. Screw you Josh.

[raisedbycrazies]

Realization (NDad)

My "dad" used to justify giving me no privacy when I would ask why my brothers got privacy by blaming me for being a girl because girls were supposed to be "protected" 24/7. This meant no calls (even if they were to my mom who gave me the cell phone) using my cellphone without him in the room to hear or calls on the house phone without him listening in from the other line without telling me. This behavior eventually led to him reading through my journal and punishing me for expressing my thoughts/emotions/opinions of the abuse privately to myself. This is the first time I've built up the courage to start one again by using this blog.