rajahvu

[rajahvu]

Yet another thing, I go to a Christian school. Everyone there always talks about God, we have religion class every morning and I tell people about things and they say, “I’ll pray for you,” but i don’t feel connected to God at all in any way. I’ve tried to pray but I feel stupid talking to nothing but a spirit. I know the bible shows that he was real but I find it so hard to believe, so now my friends cast me out even more because I can’t figure out my faith and they won’t help me with it. I also feel awkward asking anyone about it because I don’t know what to say...

[rajahvu]

My parents don’t trust me. They still haven’t given me a phone yet. But my ipod has to be out in the living room, not in the kitchen bathroom, or any other room. The one on the complete opposite of the house. I can;t go anywhere near it after 9:15. But my sisters, oh yeah, they can stay up till 12 on it if they want. They can keep it right next to them on their pillow. I don’t even understand. I am the youngest but my sisters never had to bring their ipods out a couple years ago when they had them...i hateeee life

[rajahvu]

I can’t stand school anymore. My “friends” say they like me then go on to whisper to people and third wheel me out of the conversation. Everyone is talking about Stranger things, which I’m not allowed to watch and they say oh I’ll just snap you. Well guess how stupid I sound when I say, oh I don’t have snap chat, yeah I sound like a loser and that’s why everyone hates me. I sit with the other girls at lunch now. You might think…that’s an upgrade. Well..no I invited myself to sit there and no one even notices that I sit by them. I eat lunch in silence while the other girls laugh at Stranger things jokes. Yeah my life sucks..I’m to fat so I try to exercise my depression off but then I go back to eating unhealthy even when I told myself I wouldn’t..I can’t help myself, and no one can help me, either.

[rajahvu]

I honestly don’t know what is wrong with me skin. I’ve tried every thing. My doctors prescripted something but none of it works. It covers my back, shoulders, chest, arms, and totally had taken over my face. Everyone is like going behind my back saying why does she wear so much makeup... THATS FREAKING WHY! Everyone in my class has literally perfect 👌🏻 skin. Everyone. And then there’s me...

[rajahvu]

Another thing. When I say.. I feel sad today no one takes me serious but they all act depressed after that and try to get attention. And I know all of them have good lives so they have nothing to be sad about. But I smile through most days but as I break bit by bit inside, I think... don’t let a smile fool you, they hide a lot.

[rajahvu]

Okay, so I’m in 8th grade which is the highest my school goes to and this fifth grader has been saying “I’m faster than you, I obviously beat you in the school race.” and honestly I don’t disagree with him, he always asks me if I like sprints or long distance better, and I say I like long distance. A couple things here:

1. I said I like long distance better, I don’t love it and I didn’t say I was good at at it.

2. I’m not good at anything, which is one of the things that I’m self conscious about.

3. I get annoyed by people who brag about what they’re good at and push others down (so he better watch his back...)

That’s it for the rant today. btw. he doesn’t know i have this account but if he ever finds it for some weird reason (if a little guy 5th grader is on tumblr. LOL) you know who you are.

[rajahvu]

I feel like trash. I feel like trash all the time. I look at the 100 other people in my grade and look at their skin. Perfect. Glowing. Then I take a look in the mirror at my face. Scabbed. Scarred. Acne. I have tried everything, washing my face with soap, washing my face with water, not washing my face, washing my face with a perscripted lotion. Then after I couple weeks I look back in the mirror. More scabs. More scars. Even more acne. I don’t have a phone yet and i’m 13, everyone else in my class has one and when I bring my ipod to school I feel left out and alone. Sometimes I sit by myself. Alone with only my feelings. I’ll walk by myself out of school or around outside. I actually don’t recall the last time I’ve been to someones house. But I remember all the time I feel my heart ache because people said they were busy then post pictures with another friend.I know most no one will read this, but as I am crying right now. It feels good to vent.