rakeldea-blog

[rakeldea-blog]

Anew

"You can't do it. You are not able You are just a nobody who exists for no reason. You are good for nothing. You are not worthy of anything. You deserve to be hated. You deserve to be in pain. You are weak. You are ugly. You are a fool. You are a coward. You will never be enough. The world is better without you." These are the words the world defines you. These are the words you hold inside you. These are the words they made you believe. Believing that painful facts are better than beautiful lies. Letting their definition of you overcome the way you see your life. Now, you're in pain. But you chose to keep it inside. Believing that embracing the pain of being strong. But no, you are wrong all along. Hiding the pain is not being strong. It is being weak. Holding your tears is not being brave. It is being a coward. Because you chose to keep the pain, than doing something to make it stop. You chose to hold your tears, than doing something to fight. Oh, I've almost forgot that you've believe in them. That you are drowned in the world's painful accusations. You are imprisoned behind the illusions they've made, making their words drive your life. Letting their lies blind your eyes. But let me ask you something, Is this really how you define yourself or is this how others does? Do you accept this with all your heart or are you just drowned by the fear to fight, conquered by the thought that you couldn't, enslaved by the voice of others, until you've become voiceless. Until you've become numb. Until you've become dumb. Yes, you are a victim. You are broken. You're in pain. But don't you know that what you are today is just half the world's fault. Because half of it is yours. What you are today is the product of what the world gives you and how you respond to it. Let me tell you something, You are your own world, so don't be drowned by others' words . If they made your world broken, just let it be. Let it be shattered into million pieces, then make a new one. Make a new one. A new one that's stronger and braver. A new world that's firmer. A new one that stand it its own beliefs and will not let others control it. A new world that may be imperfect, but a world where you are the king.

[rakeldea-blog]

Love Me Less

Beautiful was I and smart. People often describe me as the acme of perfectness. I look so perfect in the outside, but little did they know that I was broken inside.

I was sixteen when I was diagnosed to have a congenital heart disease. Doctors said that the rate of survival is low, so I was left with no choice but to accept the nasty reality. Who would have thought that I, Alexis Diane, an eighteen-year old is suffering from such an illness.

I am well aware that my time is limited that's why I didn't make any close friends. I always distant myself from others. I had some people I could talk to, but not close enough for them to cry hard when I die. I had no problem with that. I become used to it.

One day, as I was sitting on a bench, looking up the beautiful sky and enjoying my time of solemnity, a guy sat beside me.

"The weather's nice", he said gazing at the sky. I was not sure if he was talking to me, so I didn't mind.

"Hey", he said, this time looking into my eyes. "Hi, Alexis Diane. I am Jacob Boah".

I just replied with a slight smile.

"I like you, you know", he said with a silly smile on his face.

I was speechless at that time. I didn't know that such a guy existed. He was so straightforward.

From that day, he kept on following me. A day wouldn't pass without him by my side. As days went by, his presence became a part of my life.

I was not dumb to realize that he and I were falling in love. Knowing that fact made me feel burdened. I know that time will come, he will confess his feelings for me and how I hoped that that time won't come.

In the tranquility of the night, in the place where we first met, the sound of the wind was all we could hear, the brightness of the stars were what we gazed at, the darkness of the sky surrounded us, he confessed his love for me, but in return, I said that he and I cannot be. For my limited time is our barrier, that's why we cannot be together.

"Please, love me less. Loving me is gaining pain. Loving you makes me feel the same". I said alongwith a tear that escaped from my eye.

Since that night, I distant myself from him for I know that the more we fall in love, the deeper the hole of pain we dig inside our heart.