ramblingsofsomerandoteenager

[ramblingsofsomerandoteenager]

let’s play how many times did i cry this weekend! any takers?

[ramblingsofsomerandoteenager]

reading old posts is hilariously awful :) you’re not depressed sweetie, you’re just a sadsack and you’re in total control of how fucked up you are :) you should fucking die :)

[ramblingsofsomerandoteenager]

can someone pay reparations for the whole fucking year i doted over this boy just to find out that he has a girlfriend

‘cause he can get a way without so much as a scratch of even knowing that i’m in to him while i wasted so. much. fucking. time.  thinking and worrying and scheming and listening and waiting and i will never get back.

[ramblingsofsomerandoteenager]

if there were a way to get rid of mine, i would love to know how. i need to do my homework and i can’t focus

[ramblingsofsomerandoteenager]

do people really actually have feelings really

[ramblingsofsomerandoteenager]

me: wow my friends are really... drifting away....

evil kermit me: push them farther }:)

[ramblingsofsomerandoteenager]

i actually don’t know what to do i feel so trapped i feel so trapped i feel so trapped i feel so trapped i feel so trapped

[ramblingsofsomerandoteenager]

it’s less fun when hold your negative feelings in from your friends but console them all the time and when you tell them about how depressed you are they all say “same” like whopeeeee glad we’re all in the same boat where’s my fucking validation

[ramblingsofsomerandoteenager]

sometimes all those horrible things i’ve done come rushing back all at once and it’s so bad that my hands fly to my neck as if to instinctually say “i’m going to fucking kill you with my bare hands, me”

[ramblingsofsomerandoteenager]

i guess what upsets me that most is that nobody will ever love me as much as my dear friend in the summer between freshman and sophomore year who has moved on to much bigger and better things after i did something terrible to cause them hell... don’t mistake me for someone who complains about the unlucky hand they were dealt, i have all the advantages one could have and i still deserve everything horrible that I’ve ever gotten 

[ramblingsofsomerandoteenager]

i don’t want to move from this couch and i don’t want to be on this couch and i know that anything i do will just continue to make me sad but this isn’t the kind of sad i can cry off because i cried many times today already and it’s not even about one thing in particular but many things colliding at once and hitting me very forcefully... the only thing i want to do is look at other people having fun at prom because it makes me more sad but also i can maybe live vicariously and dream of someday being a normal fucking person with normal fucking social skills and the ability to make connections with others without fucking up entirely and making a fool or a devil or a sad sack out of myself... maybe it’s a bad reaction to the two hits i took out of an orange last night in the dark and pouring rain under a tree in a stranger’s yard right before i lost my wallet or maybe it’s the fact that that’s what it came to and i genuinely did not have a better place to be....

[ramblingsofsomerandoteenager]

no homo but

depression is so real and when my family asks “why are you sad?!” it feels so dumb because like... why AREN’T you sad??

[ramblingsofsomerandoteenager]

[ramblingsofsomerandoteenager]

why is my life so good but i am still so ANGRY

[ramblingsofsomerandoteenager]

ya know what's not cool?

only talking about yourself all the time. ignoring the fact that i'm trying to distance myself from you and your shitty behavior and just. talking. about. yourself. i'm sorry you have depression, but i'm not your fucking therapist and you have plenty of other friends to talk about your feelings with whose trust in you you have yet to completely violate. i do not exist for you, especially now that i know who you are for real. slimy.

[ramblingsofsomerandoteenager]

"i actually really wish i'd gone tonight lmao" well i really wish you hadn't broken my fucking heart u dipshit but we can't all get what we want

[ramblingsofsomerandoteenager]

YO!

all boys are the same/pieces of shit and that is SO liberating to realize.... girls are so beautiful and amazing and such an underutilized romantic resource so i’m thinking of going full n wlw and i’m so excited