ramblingwriting-blog

[ramblingwriting-blog]

Things I’ve learned in my third (and a half) years of college, pt. 2

-Your physical health is definitely as important as they say it is

- Just when you think you’ve figured yourself out, something about you drastically changes (like maybe you’ve suddenly become a hypochondriac or you now get panic attacks when you smoke weed)

- Just when you think you’ve figured someone else out, something about them is bound to change

- Your friends in your twenties are vital to your mental, emotional, and spiritual health. They really got it right when they said you’ll find out who your friends are in your twenties.

- You should constantly try to consume less sugar

- Anybody that has their shit together is an outlier

- Sincerely trying to take away some lesson learned from every relationship you have can make you a better person and make getting over them easier

- Twentysomething year old girls really do need their mothers

- Almost everything I thought I knew about men is wrong

[ramblingwriting-blog]

Things I've learned in my third year of college, pt. 1

My dad is just another human, struggling through life the best he can

I had no idea what love was until I had the pleasure of meeting you

Humans are so confused (about everything)

I already depend on coffee

Eating a real meal is actually as important as they say it is

When I said "people can be too smart for their own good", what I really meant was "some people are too smart for my own good"

I'm finally learning how to better myself

It's been months and my heart still hurts (i.e. I'm not as strong as I thought I was and love is way more powerful than I gave it credit for)

[ramblingwriting-blog]

I have been asked two questions in my life that I wasn't able to answer.

The first one was, "What was the craziest or most exciting thing that has ever happened to you", and I was asked that in the summer of 2012.

The second one was, "What's something that less than three people know about you", and I was asked that one in the summer of 2014.

Both of these questions were asked by two different boys, both of them being some of the most kind hearted people I know, both of them wanting to know more about me than any other boy had before.

Thinking about those questions now, I think one of the craziest things that has ever happened to me was meeting the boy who asked me the second question. As for the second question, I think I could answer that now with the fact that he's the first person I ever thought I actually had the potential to be in love with. Only one person definitely knows that about me, and that's me. If there's a second person who knows that, I hope that it's him.

It's funny how important those questions became to me and how funny it is that those boys probably don't remember not getting an answer to them. It's funny that the first boy will never, ever hear the answer to his question and that in time, I hope things will work out so that the second boy will get to hear my answer.

The second boy wasn't able to answer his own question, either. If I had to guess now, I'd say the one thing that less than 3 people know about him is that one night, very drunkenly and accidentally, he blurted out that he loved me too.

[ramblingwriting-blog]

A list of things college has taught me throughout my second year

I don't mind swiss cheese

I'm much better at remembering faces than anything else

Understanding yourself is vital to understanding the world

No matter how much I think I'll understand boys, I never will

The world is fucked, but at least now people are noticing

Paying attention is always worth it

All nighters are still a necessity, even if they're not just dedicated to schoolwork

I still will always want what I can't have

It is possible to be too smart for your own good

Love comes in all shapes and sizes within your heart

Everything is so incredibly simple- it's just us humans that make it complicated

[ramblingwriting-blog]

A messy way of explaining my religion

The moon is simply, perfectly, beautifully, a reflection of the light emitted by the sun.

That’s it.

This beautiful, luminescent ball in the sky is simply a reflection of the thing that gives all living organisms on this planet life.

I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around the idea that something can be so awe-inspiring when all it is is a reflection of another, already existing thing.

There have been countless people in my life that have been absolutely beautiful.

The Ya-Yas, My Friends, My Family

And each one has been absolutely incredible for completely different reasons, yet some qualities overlap.

I could never wrap my mind around the idea that every single person was the same, because that would be a preposterous assumption, but I can’t image we’re all that much different either.

This is when I realized that we really aren't that much different from the sun and the moon.

Every single person gives life to other living beings. We each radiate the light within us to help fuel the world around us

But we are also the moon; a reflection of all the light we see, of all the light we live within and around that is emitted by our loved ones.

  This is how I know that there is no god. God is within us, it’s around us, it’s outside of us, it’s in you, it’s in me, it’s nature, it’s the sun, it’s the moon.  

We are absolutely no different than the sun and the moon, and hell- we even came from the stars.

From here, there isn't much to do but appreciate the life we have and the life we give, and from here on out I vow to never miss a chance to look at the sun or the moon for all that it's worth.

"One day you will understand why storms are named after people"

[ramblingwriting-blog]

I think you’re right

We’ve got the system all wrong and our hearts can never be full this way.

I know I don’t love you, not fully

But there is something about you that makes my heart ache and my stomach twist.

You are the moon and I am the wolf,

Howling for attention from you every lonely night.

But you are not the moon, you are not my light, you are not everything I need.

These bonds you speak of, I agree.

We need many of them, we need to love endlessly-

And that means we do not love a single person endlessly, it means we love everything

And everyone as limitlessly as possible.

There is a part of me that is in love with you, but I don’t love you.

Not fully. Not at all.

I’m learning to be content with you having a shard of me, while I hold no part of you.

You are the moon, looking over everything I have to give as the lonely wolf

And you realize you don’t need me in order for you to shine

But you are also not the moon at all.

And I’ve learned to be content.

[ramblingwriting-blog]

suck it up

do well in class

workout more

eat less

drink more water

put more effort into homework

get high more often

work as many hours as possible

get as stressed out as possible

get fucked up on the weekends

stay positive

do yoga

stop complaining

get one through one more semester

then I'm free

[ramblingwriting-blog]

I have no motivation at all for anything in my life but I'm frustrated because I want to care and right now I don't.

I want to cover my body in tattoos and I want to work at a dead end job and I want to walk around my apartment in my underwear and watch TV shows while eating ice cream all day and I want to read a newspaper every morning and I want to teach myself how to cook and I want to go on dates and I want to have meaningless sex and I want to go home and see my dad and I want my cat and I want my friends and I don't want to go to school anymore.

I don't I don't I don't I don't

but yet I do

[ramblingwriting-blog]

The beginning of summer was hopeful

The middle of summer was hopeless

The end of summer is beautiful and its going to hurt to have to say goodbye.

Believe me when I say I tried my hardest to stop my feelings. Believe me when I say I'd rather be feeling nothing for anyone right now instead of feeling it all for you.

My mind thinks you're all wrong for me- we want different things and you can't see yourself settling down. My body and my heart and my gut knows though that there's something there that's anchoring me down and I can't unhook myself from you.

I've never had this problem before.

Believe me when I say it's good and it's bad that everyone assumes we're dating. Believe me when I say it breaks my heart that everyone else seems to want it but you. Believe me when I say I'm trying my hardest but I don't seem to know how to stop.

[ramblingwriting-blog]

A haiku for a friend who doesn't know how to keep feeling

You either tread or

sink but I think you should float

Let your feelings flow

[ramblingwriting-blog]

A haiku for a friend who carries the world on her shoulders

You have the worst luck

And no healthy way to deal

Don’t lose hope yet, please

[ramblingwriting-blog]

A haiku for a friend weighed down by a former love

I wish I could feel

an ounce of what you feel just

to lighten your load

[ramblingwriting-blog]

A haiku for my first friend

Too many thank you’s

could go out to my best friend

Time won’t destroy us

[ramblingwriting-blog]

A haiku for a good friend

I saw you cry once

You've seen me in the morning

We both stuck around

[ramblingwriting-blog]

A List of Things College Has Taught Me:

I like raisins

I have a good memory for names and faces

I've got dance moves like no other

I can incorporate song lyrics into almost every conversation

Drinking will make 9 out of 10 situations better

All nighters are a necessity

Grade A papers can be written the night before

I will always want what I can't have

Molly is a good friend

Some people will never grow up

There's a very good chance I'm in love with one of my best friends

[ramblingwriting-blog]

"Cause lately I've been waking up alone"

and it sucks to be so lonely

[ramblingwriting-blog]

"Yes, my consuming desire to mingle with road crews, sailors and soldiers, bar room regulars-to be part of a scene, anonymous, listening, recording- all is spoiled by the fact that I am a girl, a female always in danger of assault and battery. My consuming interest in men and their lives is often misconstrued as a desire to seduce them, or as an invitation to intimacy. Yet, god, I want to talk to everybody I can as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night.."