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ramenlixxie · 2 years ago

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Your feelings are valid💜

You are allowed to mourn and grieve anyone that has had a positive affect on your life.

Five years ago, my sister woke me up with the news of Jonghyun’s passing. It was a rollercoaster of emotions being heartbroken for someone I had never met, will never meet. I never went in depth about how I felt with my family, except my sister, because it was hard to describe mourning a celebrity.

It took almost four months to realize that just because I didn’t know him personally, doesn’t mean that I don’t have the right to feel sad- no heartbroken- about his passing. SHINee has had an immense affect on my Kpop journey and brought, still bring, me so much happiness.

So mourn Moonbin. I know I will. I found Astro in 2018, my first comeback with them was Always You. All Night was my favorite song of 2019 and is one of my favorite Kpop songs ever. They’ve brought me so much laughter at a time I was going through a lot and honestly, just made me happy with their content and their music. I’m distraught about Moonbin’s passing and I’m going to let myself feel what I need to get through this. A Pinterest quote I saw after Jonghyun’s passing was “some things you don’t get over, you just get through them.” I’m not over Jonghyun’s death but I got through it. I won’t get over Moonbin’s death but I’ll get through it. Your feelings, whether you’re an Aroha from the start, an Aroha from the middle, or a baby Aroha, are valid. Don’t anyone tell you different just because they don’t understand what you’re going through.

Check in on your friends but also check in on yourself. It’s almost not said enough but check in on yourself during this hard time. If you need to talk to someone, reach out to a person you trust. If you need to distract yourself, do it safely. If you’re spiraling and think you need help, seek it.

My inbox is open. Granted I’m not a license therapist or medical professional but if having a listening ear, even if it’s a stranger on the internet, can help someone’s heart feel a little lighter, I would love to be that.

RIP Moonbin💔💜

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ramenlixxie · 2 years ago

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I didn’t know if I should post something or not… but, ive been an Aroha since 2018 (the year I got into kpop) and to hear about Moonbin yesterday during my lunch I was very heartbroken and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing or reading. (Im trying not to cry just writing this 😅) I still feel like this is a sick dream that I can’t wake up from… I still feel like crying everytime I see him… I cant imagine what Sua, his parents, Eunwoo, MJ, JinJin, Sanha, and those closest to him are going through. My condolences to his family, friends, and all of ASTRO. Moonbin left such an amazing footprint behind. He left with so many people touched and inspired by him. He left with so many people loving him too.

I hope Sua, his members, friends, and Family are given time to mourn and rest

Moonbinnie,

You are very loved by everyone. I hope you are no longer hurting or in pain in anyway. I hope you finally get some peace. I hope you are happy and loved. I hope you know how much we love and miss you

May you rest in peace 🕊️

-Magda (Ramenlixxie)

#moonbin #astro moonbin #astro kpop

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ramenlixxie · 2 years ago

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i wasnt crying until i remembered the stages of the dandelion…

every reblog to this post is a prayer for moonbin’s sister. a consoling hug to his mother and father. a blowing of a dandelion into the hearts, minds and souls of aroha, rocky, sanha, jinjin, eunwoo, mj, the poor fucking manager that had to deal with the terror of finding moonbin dead in his home.

moonbin, i hope with every fiber of myself, my heart, soul and being that your every breath in whatever new chapter, whichever foreign new world you’ve just stepped into is free of worry. i hope that you never have to cry again, that throughout your every moment wherever you are now, your heart is unburdened by the darkness of pain, sadness and sorrow.

goodbye my angel- may the stars birthed by the dandelions breathe you a breath of freedom in every moment you shine in the sky.

all our love goes to you, our prince…

~aroha

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ramenlixxie · 2 years ago

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

TᕼOᔕE ᗯᕼO ᕼOᗯᒪ

ᗰᗩᔕTEᖇᒪIᔕT

ᕼYᑌᑎᒍIᑎ ᙭ ᗷᒪᗩᑕK!ᖴEᗰ Oᑕ

✑ 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙵𝚊𝚗𝚏𝚒𝚌 𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙲𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝙱𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚋𝚢 @parkhabits , 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 2011 𝙼𝚃𝚅 𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚃𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚆𝚘𝚕𝚏. 𝚁𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚜, 𝙻𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚜, 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚂𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚕𝚢 𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍. 𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢 ~♡

✑ 🛑 𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜🛑 𝙲𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐/ 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚝 𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚞𝚊𝚐𝚎, 𝚜𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚍𝚢, 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚜 (𝚖𝚊𝚓𝚘𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚘𝚛), 𝚍𝚎𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚐𝚘𝚛𝚎, 𝚋𝚘𝚍𝚢 𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚛, 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚖𝚊/ 𝚍𝚎𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗/ 𝚙𝚝𝚜𝚍/ 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚗𝚒𝚊/ 𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚣𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚡𝚒𝚎𝚝𝚢, 𝚍𝚎𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚜𝚎𝚡𝚞𝚊𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚜.

✑𝚀𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢 》 𝙳𝚞𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗 𝚞𝚗𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚞𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚍𝚞𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝, 𝚊 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚙𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚎𝚜𝚝. 𝙷𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚐 𝙷𝚢𝚞𝚗𝚓𝚒𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙻𝚎𝚒𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚒 𝚂𝚌𝚘𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚢𝚗'𝚜 𝚑𝚒𝚐𝚑 𝚜𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚕 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚜 𝙷𝚢𝚞𝚗𝚓𝚒𝚗 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚜 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛𝚜 𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚎𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚊𝚕 𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚙𝚒𝚝𝚊𝚕. 𝙻𝚎𝚒𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚒 𝚜𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚕𝚢 𝚜𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚕 𝚍𝚞𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚞𝚒𝚕𝚝 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚌𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚎𝚛. 𝙰𝚜𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚜𝚝, 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚑 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚗𝚘 𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝚍𝚒𝚌𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛. 𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚒𝚍𝚍𝚎𝚗 𝚜𝚎𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚋𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚎𝚍?

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝- @peachjaem00 @ramenlixxie

𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚍 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚊𝚍𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚊𝚐 𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝, 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚠 𝚘𝚛 𝚍𝚖 𝚖𝚎. 𝙸 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢 ~

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ramenlixxie · 2 years ago

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This is the cutest thing omg

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ramenlixxie · 2 years ago

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Ay, someone get me the suprised pikachu meme and tape it over my face!! The DRAMA within those few seconds of anger is 10000000000000000000 out of 10 omg 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[4:33pm]

angst | poly!xiaojun x male!reader | requested by @yugiai | word count 475 tw crying, cursing, verbal fights, cheating mentions, near-breakup over a polyamorous relationship

“Dejun, what the hell??” you whimpered, staring blankly at your phone.

“What do you mean what the hell?” he snapped back, “What are you talking about?”

“You… cheated on me??” you accused, looking up at him through teary eyes, “WITH YANGYANG?”

Xiaojun didn’t reply, simply staring at you with fear in his eyes.

“Well?” you snapped, “You cheated on me, didn’t you?”

“…how did you find out about that?” he whispered weakly.

“Yangyang never keeps secrets from me.” you snarled, glaring at your boyfriend with venom in your eyes as you watched his eye and upper lip twitch in silent anger.

“That little shit…” he mumbled before looking back up at you. “Baby, we can talk this out…”

“No, I’m sick of you cheating on me and lying to me about it. I can’t stand this relationship anymore,” you broke him off, your voice deadly calm as you stood up, “we’re done.”

“What— wait, M/n—”

“DEJUN, STOP!” You finally snapped, stepping up into his face in anger. “All you have done since I started dating you is abuse me, Xiaojun! You constantly cheat on me, gaslight me into staying when I find out, talk shit about me to my friends— MY FRIENDS, not yours, MINE— And it’s always with Yangyang! WHY? You know what— don’t answer that, just leave, I’m done!”

You stopped yourself for a moment and turned away to breathe as you felt your fists ball up. You turned back thirty seconds later to see him still sitting on the bed, his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed into his palms.

“M/n, l-let me explain, please…” he whimpered, coming over and putting his hand on your face, his thumb swiping across your face and wiping away a tear.

“What?” you snarled. “Explain what, Dejun? You fucking cheated on me.”

“N-What? No!” he exclaimed, “M/n, I didn’t ch-cheat on you, I’ve never cheated on you.”

“What the hell are you talking about, you’ve ‘never cheated on me’?? Yangyang called me before you got home from work, he told me about five different times he fucked you!”

“M/n, I… I’m polyamorous.”

“…what—”

“Me and Yangyang were gonna tell you today, but I guess he just felt too guilty to keep it a secret any longer.”

“…I-I don’t understand…”

“M/n, I love him just as much as I love you. I stayed with you for two years, torn between you and him, and eventually, I just couldn’t take the pain anymore. But I didn’t want to pick between you and Yangyang, because I know how much you love me, but I know he loves me too, and I didn’t want to break someone’s heart…” Xiaojun’s voice cracked and trailed away.

Your heart shattered, you stepped slowly into his chest, wrapping shaking arms around his sides and beginning to bawl into his chest.

Keep reading

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ramenlixxie · 3 years ago

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Jooheon

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ramenlixxie · 3 years ago

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ramenlixxie · 3 years ago

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theres another gay angsty lucas fic in the works :) <3

YES!!! IM LIVING FOR THIS! :D

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ramenlixxie · 3 years ago

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IK BESTIE IT’S PERFECTLY WRITTEN AND EVEYTHING I JUST DIDNT EXPECT IT SO SOON

middle of the night

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT [Monsta X] G fluff, angst, romance, suggestive, lyrical P Lucas Wong x male!reader WARNINGS: post-breakup depression, light cursing, self-inflicted wounds, negative thoughts, mentions of blood, implications that Lucas is filthy rich (he is IRL <3 my king), use of tobacco products, pet names (in French!), hickeys A/N I changed my song and forgot to fix it on the event page, so yeah… WC 1,686

+ I thought I’d never ever need you; now all I wanna do is see you…

Lucas heaved a heavy sigh, carelessly carding his fingers through his hair & pulling at handfuls of the black locks.

Why me? What did I do to deserve this? he thought, a sad scowl spreading across his face.

He supposed it was partly his fault; after all, he’d been the one that broke up with you. He’d gotten so caught up in the we of the relationship, that he stopped thinking about himself, which led to some…

Self.. destructive… decisions.

What makes you think you had the right to call yourself his anyways? the snide voice intruded again, you’ve always been this way, it wasn’t just the relationship.

“No.. shut up…” he pleaded to himself, in a broken, shaky voice barely more than a whisper. “Shut up, you’re — you’re wrong…”

But… if the voices are wrong… then why did I leave him? Was I… wrong?

…He’ll never take you back, Xuxi, the voice sniped, not after what you did to him. You can’t just treat him like he’s the king of your heart and then cast him aside like a dirty dish.

“No… NO!!” Lucas’s fingertips slipped steadily and roughly down the wall, the fingers in his other hand curling into a fist, and before he knew it, his knuckles were bleeding.

“It’s not true… I didn’t… I…”

You never wanted to hurt him?

“Of c-course I d-didn’t! I l-loved hi-him…” he whimpered, pulling at his hair until it burned.

“I… I love him…” he breathed, tears flowing freely down his face. He slowly untangled his visibly trembling hands from his once-silky, slicked black hair, looking blankly at his fingers. For the longest time he simply stared; it was a coon’s age before he noticed the

Lucas too slid down the wall, deliberately slamming the back of his head into the wall in an effort to make the pain go away, then did it again in an attempt against the voices. When neither attempt worked in his favor, he screwed his eyes shut and whimpered, unconsciously tightening his fingers’ holds on his hair. He curled his legs until his knees met his nose, wrapped his arms around his knees, situated his face in his knees, and bit his lip, letting it all go.

Lucas pulled himself down onto his side, curling into a tight fetal position.

The scream you heard as your fingertips touched the doorknob could certainly break glass, for they crushed your heart into bittersweet shards of sugar. … . .

+ I hate sleeping alone; I’m picking up the phone…

Lucas groaned long & loud, flinging his arms out and falling backward onto the bed, dramatically smashing his heels into the mattress. You being in a separate unit from him was lonely enough, but you going on tour and the manager not letting him accompany you?? Unacceptable.

Lucas sighed, a big puppy pout painting his handsome features, and flopped onto his front, putting his chin in his hands and absently kicking his feet in the air. He got so lost in his brooding feelings of excitement and impatience that he didn’t even notice when the iPhone 13 by his side began to ring. It took him a moment to register that he was receiving a call, but when his brain finally signalled him to reach over and answer it, his heart swelled as he listened to the familiar tone of Taeyong-hyung’s Long Flight playing from his phone. That meant you were calling!

…

“I never thought it’d get like this…” you breathed out, a smile spreading like hot lava across your features.

“I know… I still think about the very first kiss.” Lucas replied, disregarding the feeling of his face turning red.

“I feel like I’m going outta my mind for you…” you all but whispered, resting your face in one hand and staring dreamily at Lucas on the other side of the screen.

“Lucas, you’re blushing! What the fuck are you thinking about!?” you cried suddenly, peering into the screen to see your boyfriend’s face better.

“WHAT!! I AM NOT!!” he hollered, stirring a mirthy laugh out of you. Lucas blinked blankly at you for a moment, touched his fingers tenderly to his cheek, and his eyes turned wide as saucers. He fought hard against the smile, but it still broke out, bringing with it the happiest laughter Lucas had experienced in years.

… . .

+ I shouldn’t let it happen so fast; boy, why’d you have to beg me like that?

Ah, moving days. The few days where one finally gets the hell out of college and gets to move into an actual house.

All was tranquil, all was peaceful… and then —

“ROAN!!!” came a booming call from across the dorm you and Lucas shared.

“WHAT???” you all but shrieked back, “gently” (hastily) dropping your cat down onto the couch and running to the other side of the dorm.

“Look what I found,” your obnoxiously top-naked boyfriend said excitedly, sparking your curiosity. You stared at his abs for maybe a moment too long, then tore your eyes away from his Greek god of a physique, walked over and stood next to him, putting your arms around his middle and peeking over the taller man’s shoulder to see what he was looking at.

“Huh,” you said shortly, “it’s our old photobook from freshman year.”

“I can’t believe it…” Lucas mumbled, walking over to his bed and sitting down at its foot.

“I know… Even after all these infinite eons of time we’ve had together…” you said, your voice trailing into nothing as you sat down next to him, watching him slowly carding through the old photobook.

“Remember when we were seventeen?” Lucas asked, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you protectively into his side.

“Yeah… all those times we snuck out and ran away together…” you replied, flipping a page. “OOOH, THIS!!” you burst suddenly, poking a photo with your finger.

Lucas chuckled, smoke billowing out of his nose and between his lips as his chest shook. “We almost didn’t come back alive that time!”

You hummed, your gaze falling slowly out of focus until your brain failed to register anything in your line of vision. You hummed and scooted closer to Lucas, snuggling sideways into his one-arm embrace.

“You looked so cool just now… just like you used to be…” you said absentmindedly.

“I look… cool? Whatever do you mean, darling?”

You giggled, hiding your face in your hands so that your boyfriend might not notice that your blood was painting cherry blossoms on your cheeks.

“I… just meant that… that you looked cool when you blew that smoke out while you were laughing just now…” you mumbled into your hands.

Lucas got off the bed and knelt in front of you, placing two warm, firm hands atop yours, and gently removed your hands from your face. What he saw when your defences were no longer in his path made him smile like a maniac.

Lucas applied his warm, gentle, calming touch to your cheeks, cupping your face in his big hands. You smiled and draped your arms on his shoulders, tugging him closer.

The two of you simply stared into one another’s eyes for the longest time, and then a sudden, overwhelming urge rushed over you, sending shivers down your spine and a manic grin rampaging across your face.You patted the bed next to you, where Lucas had previously been sitting.

Lucas stood up, (towering over your five-four form) giving you a playfully suspicious look, then sat down where you’d indicated, squinting dramatically at you.

You giggled, crawling on top of him and straddling his (thicc) thighs, and ran a finger from the middle of his throat slowly down the center of his godly body, fighting away filthy thoughts and not noticing what he was doing. Your sin-loured mind failed to register the feeling of the other man’s large, rough hands slipping like snakes into your shirt and sliding up your body.

When your mind let you slip back into reality, the first thing you noticed was your mysterious lack of shirt.

You looked to Lucas for answers, only to find a dangerous expression looking back. Not a bad kind of dangerous, mind you. No, this was good. Great. This was lust. Lucas wanted more out of you. You simply smiled right back at him, feeling his hands go to your neck and the small of your back.

Lucas let a low, vicious sound rip from the back of his throat, something between a hum and a growl. His hand tightened on your neck, his face was getting closer… You were touching noses now…

Before you knew it, your lips were on his. Your eyes fluttered closed, and you tilted your head the slightest bit to the side. You ran your hands up Lucas’s body, leaning further into the kiss. Lucas smiled and hummed into your lips, pressing his hand gently but firmly into your lower back, and pulled you closer so that yours and his bare chests were pressed together.

You slid your hands further up Lucas’s toned, muscled chest, and over his shoulders. You snaked one hand around his shoulder blades, using your arm to pull him impossibly further into you, and tangled the other into his silky brown locks. Lucas took haste to do the same to you, soon leaving a trail of kisses down your face, following your jawline. He now paved a trail with his mouth down your neck, leaving tiny bites and nibbles here and there. He soon decided he wanted to mark you his, and sucked a bright red mark behind your ear, chuckling low into your ear when you whimpered quietly, dropping your head forward onto his shoulder.

Lucas peppered feather-light kissed back up your neck, left a little nibble on your earlobe, and whispered something into your ear that sent shivers down your spine.

“Je t'aime mon cher, mon dragon gardien, ma précieuse bête royale.”

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ramenlixxie · 3 years ago

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THE BEGINNING HAD ME BY MY HEARTSTRINGS