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nestled in front of his house enriching my prefrontal cortex until my phone dies

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instead of going home i’m playing sudoku in front of his house and THEN getting a ride
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tomorrow i will see and HANG OIT with himmmm awawawawawwawawawawawawawa

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ang angler angler an agngler footballshif foot ball ballfish85 ball foot ball of foot footballfish fish ball angle angler internal rotation angle anglerfish dangler of the angler angling angler society fish angel fish tenshi kaiwai
#bawl sackk#international committee of disjointed farts#miss peregrines home for people named kai or arson#damn look at my fuckin g forehaed#who nincomtesticle vs would win nincomtungsten#would#why dog ningen is more impactful than a critique of pure reason#that single use sample is silly#youre welcome for inventing shirts youll need the m bucko#my bad im an allay#thank you rfk *SENIOR* for redefining autism#my left asscheek is yet to receive her civil war pension#you#container#lid#engelbrecht
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did he rip that out of my mind because i have been trying to find a way to say sort of the same thing i feel like hes starting to hate me but doesnt want to tell me what the hell is going on
i havent received a goodnight nor mornign sticker in response to the ones i send since his birthday
some of his responses just seem like they are just to show hes not just leaving me on read
and while yes i have been texting him less i also havent seen as many things that i think are actually worth sending
none of this is going to make me dislike him or something but it is what is in my mind so post awawawawawawa
#i like you man#i know i havent shown it in any way that couldnt also be some form of manipulation but#i am very nonhuman rn and in havent left my own head much for a good while#i dont know how to be close to anyone and that probably doesnt make it any better#if i didnt ruminate so much i might post more#but usually its just the same thoughts that only cause conflict when i do post them#i needed to say this i havent said much in a while huh#is this really all the culmination of thoughts from like over a week now have i become that unsubstantive#i mean SOME of it is getting filtered but its not like thats anything new that i havent posted a thousand times already#not even that wall of text ish man
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he can literally just post something related to me and apparently that appeases my urge to interact with him for a whil;e?
hate that why am i so easily satisfied
#usually means i end up saying nothing at all#im a lobotomite#🤤🤤#i dont think describing this as subhuman is even remotely hyperbole
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i don’t know what about hanging out with him i’m so scared of but i do know that i would hate to muster up all that courage only to end up as dead weight
#idk if that’s irrational or not#i think i might just need to be kidnapped or something#<-idk if this is irrational either
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im so existing rn im more here than anyone else in the whole world im the best at it by a long shot
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is anything i ever say ever remotely accurate true or correct i genuinely disagree with almost every new string of words that appears in my brain
#cant really call them thoughts and i dont know why#i disagree with this and ill continue to disagree with whatever i generate next
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how and why did i change this much
whether i had potential is debatable but i definitely used to have the ability to have a conversation about an actual topic and i was at least above letting myself go / actively preventing myself from getting anything that i want
and not just superficial things genuinely the things i care most about i just allow to rot
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