rantsandravesmn - Tumblr blog

[rantsandravesmn]

Didn't think I'd notice you there.

I see you Satan.

You think you are disguised so well.

You hate the light because it exposes you.

I'm going to keep on shining.

[rantsandravesmn]

Tired.

So tired.

I just want to sleep. Sleep in my dark room with my dog.

If everything could fade away and I could just rest. Actually rest.

Not wake up in the night rest. Actually sleep deeply without fear and panic.

Just sleep.

[rantsandravesmn]

When you work for a small business, yeah, you're gonna wear multiple hats. Isn't that common sense?

I am older (but not ancient), and the training I got outside of school basically everywhere is here is your work station. I got to shadow someone for maybe a day. A "See me with any questions" as it is assumed you'll have lots of them, otherwise, here are our resources, figure it out. That was how my boomer employers were trained. Guess what, I figured it out.

If you want a role where you only wear one hat, you have to work for a bigger company. Period.

Now, is that to say the 50 hats role is easy. Absolutely not. It's hard. However, when you have an organization of 4 people, you're gonna wear more than one hat if you're a FT employee.

Certain things like payroll, taxes, some tech stuff, etc. should be farmed out. However, do we really need to call the tech company for a password reset or to make a new email in 2024?

Everyone seems to think they are worth huge sums of money and every where but where they are working is paying it. Not sure if that is the internet age - but it just isn't accurate. No body can make gobs of money working 2 hours a day and love every aspect of their employment. That is just crazy.

Yeah, new bosses/managers have a learning curve. Just because you're a small employer doesn't mean you can't be a jerk.

Can't we all show grace to each other? I feel like small employers are to show grace to their employees/team but the team won't show grace (or assume positive intent) back. It's hurtful. Small business owners are people. Most aren't millionaires and most are in the trenches with everyone else.

It hurts to see everyone hate on employers like John down the street is the same as Wal-Mart or McDonalds or Target or insert huge international employer here.

John wants to employ a few people and serve his community.

Don't come for John when the issue isn't employers, it's international corporations. John can't bribe local politicians. Yeah, multinational corporations are also employers but John and Wal-Mart aren't the same.

[rantsandravesmn]

I know it states it only took one angel to close the mouth of the lion, but I feel like God has multiple angels trying to deal with my stupidity and earthly distractions 🤦

Angels

[rantsandravesmn]

Rant ahead.

I am really over gas lighting and weaponized incompetence.

I am glad I did all the therapy work I have to give me insight into this. It is so insidious that it is hard to catch. I at least can catch it after the fact while pondering why a situation left me feeling like shit.

I don't think people even know they do it. It is such a natural part of our sinful nature.

If I don't get help x will happen.

Oh - I'll help. I can help. (Body language screaming - I don't think I should have to do shit).

Give three tasks.

One done wrong. One not touched. One sort of done but then finished by me.

Response at next connection.

We've been helping. How can you need more help?!?

Have you been helping though....

Helping me take a long walk off a short pier maybe.

If there was some level of acknowledgment or awareness, maybe it wouldn't bother me so much. Like, after I point it out, if one would be genuinely contrite and work to fix it. Okay. Cool. We're human. I screw up too.

However, I see no accountability. Literally. None. Blanket denials of mistakes. Constantly saying XYZ was unclear (no. It was clear, clarified and clarified again - you didn't want to do it). No attempts at acknowledgment. "This isn't fair." "How was I supposed to know..."

Relatedly, if I have to hear one more person complain without any acknowledgement of their hand in the dilemma, I think I might scream.

Come on people, get your shit together. Get your shit together at home, at work, in school. For your children and future generations - get your shit together.

We are in the information age. Pull your head out of your butt and figure some shit out.

Also, see a therapist. Statistically speaking, y'all need therapy.

Rant over.

[rantsandravesmn]

Reading my Bible and I am like. God repeats himself a lot. Why don't the people just listen?

Also me - I hate this; and I hate that.

Bible: mentions love literally hundreds of times.

Me: 🤦Well, clearly I am one of the reasons God must repeat things in the Bible over and over and over...

[rantsandravesmn]

Everyday I wish for death. Not an active plan.

Just ...to stop being. To fall asleep and not wake up. To die instantly in a car crash.

To just rest.

I'm so tired....

[rantsandravesmn]

I have to have tough conversations next week.

It makes me so anxious, but I know it must be done.

Hoping to have my ducks in a row so I do not seem a hot mess.

My family never agrees with how I do things.

Everyone has a different opinion.

Mine is never the right one.

[rantsandravesmn]

There is something oddly calm about writing something and knowing no one will read it.

I sometimes desire blogging anonymously. Not tied to myself or my job or my family. I place to be free to investigate and pursue ideas openly without fear of judgment.

I don't want to carry my sadness with me. If I could unburden myself freely, I think I could let it go.

Journaling isn't the same.

Therapy is tied to me and protected.

I just...feel so suffocated and trapped. The world has all these expectations. Things I have to live up to but not others.

Hypocrites.

I get sick of always bending. Always being flexible in a world trying to force me into a box. A shape. A thing that I am not.

I feel like a failure. Like I should have things figured out.

I'm miserable and I am so blessed compared to so many others. I harbor such guilt.

Why can't I just be happy? Why can't I just be content? Why am I never enough? Never enough for me.

My therapist says I have a lot of good. Go focus on the good, but I feel. so. broken.