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ranumba · 7 years ago

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Walking Down The Memory Lane of 2017

Over than 350 days passed by, and here we are at the end of the year. Where our mind can’t help but try to remember the path we’ve been through in each of the days. For me, if I have to be honest this is a year of self-acceptance. As I step into adult life as 23 years old young woman, this is the stage where mostly people said as a “quarter life crisis”. I have nothing to argue because I admit the validity on this. This is the moment where most of people on my age and I have to decide a step between choices in front of us. The dilemmatic post-graduation phase whether to decide what to do next, working in public or private company, working in high reputation company or moderate one, stick to the idealistic by working in a place that suit our background or deliberately change our direction by crossing another lane. There are more, whether to decide continue to master study or focus to find a new passion, for those who already with significant other maybe they will think about tie the knot first, or pending it, some others might still alone but eager to find one and anticipate a happy marriage as soon as possible. There are too many options to choose, and each of those is not an easy-bitsy choice as a lot of consideration followed. Your future might depend on your decision today. And the decision I’ve made for this year lead me to a lot of learning values of self-acceptance. Where the reality say differently toward my expectations and force me to accept everything with an open hand.

I imagined that by end of this year i would obtain my scholarship for my master program abroad and depart to my dream university at the first month of 2018 and experience my very first winter in my whole life, but what happened is I am here typing my year end post in my comfy bedroom inside my home sweet home and January 2018 I will still here. Dude the reality already spoke different about this expectation. I failed to get a scholarship, this wasn’t thing I imagine, this wasn’t in my plan, this will ruin my future but it won’t. Honestly it broke my heart the day I knew that I couldn’t go for my study in early 2018 as I planned. This is the biggest moment of self-acceptance and self-forgiveness. I tried to accept that it wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t because I am in-capable to receive that scholarship, it because it wasn’t my time, and everything happened for a reason. If I keep point out my failure in 2017, I will stuck in one place and probably I will spoil my precious times for the rest of the months. So I decided to move on and see the Brightside. One door closed, another will always open. I keep moving on and try to attempt my luck in other scholarships, I know it requires more time and patience, but I refuse to give up.

Talking about the Brightside, I looked back to the days I spent this year. One failure cannot replace thousands of precious moment I have created with a lot of amazing people I met and I spent time with in the rest of the year. I wrote this as the way I show my gratefulness despite my disappointment to one thing. It makes me feel that I am way luckier than I thought. At the beginning of this year, I spent my one full month to join an IELTS course and long story short I managed to get a good score for IELTS and got my very first LoA from my dream university in Holland. The most important is how I met my new friends from the class with similar motivation to study abroad, they keep my boost up. i will explain the rest in points form according to timeline (LOL such a lazy writer).

· ~ I met a new friend from Korea trough my bestie, she asked me to join her and her Korean friend sightseeing around North Bandung area, it was such a good day and always exciting to be a tour guide and make ‘em in love with my neighborhood

· ~ I had a gathering with fellow 2016 World Congress committees, it was marking that our whole event and cooperation as team has officially finished. I was the oldest in the team I guess, but dedicate myself to the utmost for my organization is never a disappointment, I love it. The fact that it was my last contribution in IAAS, I believe my younger brothers and sisters can do better to take care our beloved IAAS Unpad

· ~ I applied for one scholarship to Japan which held by one well-known Japanese company in Indonesia. Out of my expectation, lucky I got selected as one of 12 top applicants and had to thru psycho-test and interview in Jakarta for two days, although I didn’t make it for next stage at least I got new friends. Psst…free accommodation and extra fee for applicants. Alhamdulillah

· ~ It was a splendid day, there was a mini-reunion with my junior high school friends and TEACHERS. I am grateful to be a part of my JHS cause the “ukhuwah” is still well maintain until today, the fact that the teachers whom you left after almost 10 years still remember you and treasure you as one of their best student is so priceless. My best teachers ever.

· ~ My favorite person is never forget to remind me how important our family are, he always try to convince me that I should spend more time with them while I can, we will never know what future brings for us, as long as we can, we are available, do the simplest act for the sake for our family won’t hurt, in fact it is so much precious. I believe that, and I apply that as best as I could. I asked my cousins to watch a movie in cinema, i didn’t miss the family gathering especially on our big day like Eid where there I initiatively asked them to take a group picture that we missed last year, bought a bouquet of flower for my mom on mother’s day, and other simple quality time with them although it’s only for a lunch outside

· ~ This year on May when I turned to 23 years old, there wasn’t a big celebration. My birthday is never a time I anticipate to be honest because often times it just passed like other normal day. But I am so grateful that my close friends did their best effort to made my birthday special, I always love the moment when my friends, juniors, family, send me a birthday greeting and wishes me with all the best hopes. It shows how much people care and love me very much, and I am beyond happy for that

· ~ Another exciting moments in this year that I got to witness my friends graduation even one of my friends had to do the defend seminar while she was 8 months pregnant (what a super woman), be there and cheering them on their special moments is always give me another joy that they way to be happy is not only because of my own success, but for what people around me have achieved also. Again, I am grateful to witness their struggle to pass the tough college years because I know how hard it was when I was in their position, some of my friends still walking on their way for a graduation, they are not late once again, they walk on their timeline. Another “hikmah” that I failed my scholarship that I don’t busy with my own thing, instead I can help people around me more as best as I can to finish their research

· ~ Chili Padi Academy will always be a memorable event for me, the 2016 experience to be one of the facilitators came again to me this year out of my expectation, in 2017 I managed to join the team again although for “together gather” event only in Malaysia. I got to meet again my fellas from Singapore and Malaysia, Weihan and Xin Run my fav SG couple and Amalina who was about to get married when I met her I August. To be surrounded by inspiring and well-motivated people is always give me a positive energy and I am thankful that the whole team trusted me to involve in the project again. And right now we are looking forward for CPA 3 in 2018

· ~ My Taiwanese friends were coming to Bandung for a vacation, Robert contacted me few months in advance just to make sure whether I could take them for sightseeing and I said yes. It was a well-spend 3 days with them, I am happy to introduce them to a new culture, delicacy, and a splendid nature of my home town. We had a great time together, big thanks to my lovely bestie and my sister who accompany us and made the trip much more memorable. The more the merrier

· ~ On early September I receive an honor to deliver a simple sharing and presentation to over than 100 JHS students upon an invitation from my JHS teacher on their camping night, as an alumni although I am not too confident towards my sharing material but I tried as best as I could to motivate them to do better than me in the future, and I am proud how my juniors so much more improve each year compare to my batch. There is a saying that “no matter how far we go, never forget where we came from” and my junior high school is the biggest milestone that gave me much more strength to move forward to the place where I am right now

· ~ I completed my first level of Korean class, I didn’t really have intention to join this course at first but my bestie asked me to join this with her and it was quite worthwhile. Never stop to learn new thing, and from this experience I manage to improve my Korean language in a proper learning. Thanks to my Korean teacher Ms. Han and my other fellow classmates who made my Saturday in 2017 always meaningful + extra hangout after the class LOL

· ~ 2017 is the year where I received a lot of wedding invitations from my friends more than last year. Stepping into adulthood, wedding is one of top agenda to attend followed by a child-birth. It means a lot of extra effort to put make up and formal outfit for a wedding and quite expenditure to buy a present for my friend’s new-born baby. It is always exciting that I can be a part of their happy moment in their life, the fact that the wedding can be a mini-reunion with my JHS, high school ,or college friends . On top of that, I can learn the A to Z wedding, marriage, to parenthood preparation from friends who face this stage first, so I can be more prepare for my moments in near future hopefully :D

· ~ Ever since I start my effort to apply for master scholarship abroad, a lot of people around me gradually notice what I’m doing start from family, friends, junior, to my lectures and teachers. I am thankful that they always support me and deliver the humble prayer for me so that my wish can come true. Because of this also, a lot of my friends or even my juniors personally contact me to share the steps to apply the scholarship, dude…I feel like an information bureau lol, but I am happy to do that because sharing is caring, seeing a lot more people around me have the same motivation give me strength that “oh yeah��we can do this together” although in fact that I’m still struggling as well

· ~ Guys, this point will be more serious and a lil bit thrilling, believe it or not it happened to me. First thing first, be careful when you wrote a yearly resolutions. It becomes your du’a and Allah will direct you according to your hopes. So here is the reveal, I wrote several points as my 2017 resolutions and Alhamdulillah most of the points are granted and meet my expectation, but my main wish to get a scholarship was not a part of it. It turns out that I didn’t write one specific scholarship grant that I wanted to receive, I wrote more than one as options and DANG I failed one of the scholarships I wrote in the options, and it means I might get a chance in other scholarship right? And it just because the other scholarship application open by the end of 2017, doesn’t make me “fail” my wish literally in 2017 right? When I re-read my resolutions it gave me goose-bumps, I can’t blame Allah for not granting my wish it is because Allah has done right to lead my path according what I wish and what I wrote on resolution. I just didn’t realize that. And one more thing I skipped is that I had a resolution to do a volunteering this year, and Masha Allah if I got the scholarship this year I might too busy preparing stuff for departure and forget this chance. It means Allah doesn’t want me to miss the opportunity for doing a good deed in this volunteering. So I looked up in a volunteer platform online and I saw one volunteering chance in Bandung by Indonesia Association of Disability Women, I thought this is a brand new thing for me, I never in touch with the world outside agriculture and environment but this might be a good chance for me to involve in social activity. I plunged in and I am in love with this new world, although it is not related with my major at all but hey to do a good thing is only require a willingness and spirit I thought. I chose a role in publication as I consider this is the field I am familiar with since college, but most importantly I got to meet new friends with their different conditions, like deaf, blind, mute, or those with mental-difability. Being around them give me a huge reflection to myself, how lucky I am blessed with this perfect physical condition and health, I have nothing to whine about, I don’t deserve to complain about my limit, my new friends give me a valuable life lesson that I never had in class. Other volunteering I did was from my favorite NGO called Indonesia Diet Plastic Bag Movement, It was a short work term as I had to survey house to house in small area in Bandung and educate every household about the impact of plastic usage and encourage them to use reusable bag on daily basis. Those experiences gave me motivation to continue my deed as long as I can, it’s never too late to start

So….that’s all pretty much wrap up my not-so-pleasant-but-meaningful 2017, this post can’t compile all the memories I made in every single day, but these are just the representative that always can remind me of so many grateful things whenever I feel down later. My concrete plan for next year I think I will still continue my work as project research assistant with my lecture, continue my volunteer work, and probably a part time in English course as a tutor (well I don’t know, I know this is random but I always want to try this), I will spend more time with my beloved people, and I will still going on with my master study scholarship, hopefully in 2018 my biggest wish to study abroad will come true. And oh…..one more thing, much more delightful love life : I hope to see you soon Bear :)

The year of 2017 as a year of self-reflection, self-acceptance, a good lesson to face adulthood to become a better human being. This post will be closed with one reminder verse of Quran : “Are they, then, not aware that they are being tested year-in, year-out? And yet, they do not repent and nor do they learn a lesson (from it)”. - (Quran 9:126)

Have a very joyful and wonderful year ahead people.

Tanjungsari, 31st December 2017

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ranumba · 8 years ago

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You will bloom on the right time

Look at that bright yellow flower, on the peak of its bloom,how pretty she is. But, you might not knowing how much struggles and hardships she has been through to reach that stage. She was a tiny winnie seed, buried inside a soil, forced her inner power to the fullest to sprout. Then she started to grow, inch by inch, she needs water and fertilizer to get taller and bigger. She was placed under the rage weather, dazzling and burning sunshine, or cold rainy days that could break her thin stem. Everything is the same in the whole world, people rarely see our process towards a success, in fact they only she us when we are on the top. They give as a lot of praising and appreciation, but people somehow don’t realize that we value their supports the most when we were struggling hard to reach the peak.

Mungkin ini yang lagi saya alami saat ini, bahkan beberapa bulan kebelakang. Saya sedang berusaha mengejar mimpi saya yang telah saya rancang semenjak kuliah. Sudah terpatri di pikiran saya bahwa saya akan melakukan hal itu pasca saya lulus. Awalnya semua berjalan mulus, sampai saya berpikir “i have agood feeling about this”, saya pikir semuanya akan berjalan lancar seperti perkiraan saya. Tahap-tahap yang saya anggap sulit pun terlewati, hingga sampai di satu titik ekspektasi saya runtuh seketika. Saya gagal di tahap kedua proses seleksi beasiswa saya yang semua orang di Indonesia idam-idamkan belakangan ini yaitu **** (you know where). Jujur saya kecewa berat, subuh itu saya membangunkan ibu saya yang masih tertidur untuk menyampaikan kabar kurang menyenangkan ini. Saya menangis tersedu, ditambah pikiran-pikiran lain yang langsung membebani saya. Waktu saya terbuang percuma, saya harus menunda lagi sampai kapan? Saya harus melakukan apa disela-sela usaha saya yang akan saya lanjutkan? Apa saya bekerja saja? Apa kata orang tua, temen-teman, dosen, adik kelas? Mau daftar beasiswa mana lagi? Pikiran saya berkecamuk, antara mau melanjutkan cita-cita dan keinginan saya atau pilih jalur lain, banting setir bekerja karena saya tidak mau terus-terusan jadi beban orang tua. DUDE.....the quarter life crisis is REAL..

Namun, Alhamdulillah segala ketakutan dan kehawatiran saya sedikit terobati. Orang tua saya masih tetap mendukung saya bisa dapat beasiswa s2 di luar negeri, teman-teman saya yang saya beri tahu bahwa saya gagal di seleksi beasiswa justru memberikan suntikan semangat dan saran-saran positif yang tentunya melegakan, di saat saya berpikir mereka akan memandang rendah saya. Ah lagi-lagi over thinking itu yang mengacaukan pikiran.Bahkan, dosen-dosen yang tak luput saya curhati perihal hal ini pun merasa empati terhadap saya, dan tidak ragu untuk terus menyokong saya daftar beasiswa lain, bentuk dukungan terbesar tentunya dengan memberikan saya surat rekomendasi (lagi dan lagi) hehehehe.

Dengan segala dukungan dari orang-orang di sekitar saya, saya tergugah untuk kembali bangkit dan mengikhlaskan hal yang belum menjadi rezeki saya kemarin, meskipun kalau diingat ya sedih lagi. Ah sudahlah....saya memili move on bahwa toh, masih banyak jalan menuju roma, banyak beasiswa2 lain yang ditawarkan. Saya lebih memfokuskan diri ke arah sana. Pada kenyataannya, dari peristiwa kemarin saya banyak belajar bahwa di dunia ini banyak hal yang kita inginkan, tetapi Allah memilihkan hal yang kita butuhkan. Yang baik menurut kita, belum tentu baik di mata Allah. Inilah cara Allah memilihkan jalan lain yang lebih baik untuk saya, dan yang terbaik insha Allah. Walaupun menurut nalar kita sudah di jalan yang benar, kita sudah pasrahkan pada Allah, kita sudah meminta petunjuk Allah sedari awal, tapi ketahuilah......saya cuma manusia yang pengetahuan dan daya nya hanya seuprit dari Kuasa-Nya.

Saya mungkin terlihat berjalan begitu lambat dibandingkan teman-teman saya yang lain yang (menurut saya) prestasinya lebih tinggi, rejekinya begitu mudah, dan jauh lebih sukses sekarang ini dibanding saya. Lagi-lagi penyakit ini kumat, membanding-bandingkan diri dengan orang lain hanya akan membuat diri sendiri lelah tiada habisnya. Saya harus percaya bahwa saya tidak terlambat dari orang lain, juga tidak terlalu cepat karena faktanya beberapa orang sesungguhnya masih berada di barisan belakang (menurut saya). Jadi, ini lah trek hidup masing-masing setiap orang. Semua berjalan di zona waktunya sendiri. Yang terpenting adalah saya fokus pada tujuan saya, dan menikmati setiap hari yang saya miliki, waktu yang saya punya, akan saya infestasikan untuk hal-hal yang positif, entah itu bekerja (paruh waktu atau full time), volunteer, kursus, internship, apapun.....untuk pembekalan dan pengembangan diri saya selagi saya berusaha lagi untuk meraih tujuan utama saya. Tidak ada yang sia-sia. Semua kegagalan adalah pelajaran. Toh, yang saya bilang gagal ini sesungguhnya bukan apa-apa dibandingkan orang lain di luar sana yang gagal ratusan bahkan ribuan kali sampai menuju suksesnya. Tetap semangat Ran, teman-teman doakan saya ya! Semoga urusan kalian pun dimudahkan Allah, amin.

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ranumba · 8 years ago

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Subhanallah...sebuah pengingat besar dan tamparan cukup keras untuk saya yang saat ini bisa dikatakan sedang diuji. That “quarter life crisis” is real, tinggal bagaimana kita menghadapinya, mau mengeluh? atau terus tawakal? Masa-masa ini akan berlalu, cara melaluinya adalah dengan tetap husnudzan pada Allah. Kalaupun rencana yang kita buat nyatanya bertolak belakang dengan kenyataan, ya itulah ketetapan Allah. Ingat! Sedari awal kan sudah tahu bahwa jalan yang ditempuh tidaklah mudah. Jadi tetap istiqomah, yakin bahwa segala sesuatu yang menurut kita baik belum tentu baik di mata Allah. Just believe that there is going to be something greater that you might not have expected before, better than you’ve planned.

Genggamanmu

Kamu hanya bisa mengenggam sesuatu sesuai ukuran kepalan tanganmu, tak pernah lebih. Kalau memaksakan, tentu ia akan lepas dari tanganmu. Ukuran genggaman tanganmu berbeda dengan milik orang lain. Untuk itu, takaran atas segala sesuatu, berbeda setiap orang. Dan membandingkan antara diri kita dengan orang lain, tidak akan pernah memberikanmu jawaban yang memuaskan.

PemberianNya terukur dalam takaran kebijaksanaan yang sulit kamu pahami dan seringnya baru dipahami belakangan.

Setiap kejadian, setiap rezeki, segala sesuatu yang ada di hidup kita adalah takaran yang terbaik untuk diri kita, kita sajalah yang sering salah memahami maksudNya. Kita yang sering suka menerka-nerka, menghubung-hubungkan kejadian yang satu dengan yang lain sebagai pembenaran atas asumsi kita. Kita sering merasa ada ketidakadilan, padahal kita sendiri yang tidak adil pada diri sendiri karena membanding-bandingkan.

Apa yang ditakdirkan menjadi milikmu tidak akan pernah menjadi milik yang lain. Hanya saja, seberapa sering kita merelakan apa yang kita genggam untuk diberikan kepada yang lain. Bukankah kepemilikan yang hakiki itu ketika kita membelanjakan rezeki itu di jalanNya? Bukan yang terus menerus kita genggam erat.

©kurniawangunadi

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ranumba · 8 years ago

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sederhana

boleh dibilang, angkatan-angkatan pertama smk wikrama yang didirikan ayah dan ibu terdiri dari siswa-siswa yang dhuafa. kebanyakan dari mereka adalah anak-anak pedagang asongan atau penjaga villa, supir angkot paling keren. saking dhuafanya, mereka pergi ke sekolah tanpa sarapan. bukan pemandangan yang aneh jika saat upacara satu per satu siswa pingsan. inilah yang kemudian mendorong lahirnya program makan roti, telur, dan minum susu gratis di sekolah.

boleh dibilang, berkecimpung dalam dunia pendidikan yang memang benar-benar bercita-cita untuk mengentaskan bangsa dari kemiskinan dan kebodohan membuat ayah dan ibu sangat dekat dengan mereka yang hidupnya serba kurang. alhasil, ayah dan ibu selalu mendidik kami anak-anaknya tentang kesederhanaan. pernah kami mendapati ibu menekuk wajah saat kami makan di restoran all you can eat. kata ibu, ibu teringat dengan siswa-siswanya yang tidak bisa makan karena tidak ada uang. makanan yang melimpah ruah itu tak terasa nikmatnya.

pernah suatu hari ayah dan ibu membeli sedan yang lumayan bagus. maksudnya sih, supaya lebih nyaman setiap harus melakukan perjalanan–berhubung keduanya sering berkeliling ke sana sini. tidak bertahan lama, akhirnya mobil tersebut dijual lagi, diganti dengan city car yang jauh lebih sederhana. kata ibu, apa enaknya naik mobil keren lalu saat masuk gang sekolah yang lebarnya hanya sebadan mobil dilihat oleh warga? tidak enak menunjukkan kita punya, yaitu saat banyak yang tidak, saat banyak yang masih kekurangan.

setiap mengingat ayah dan ibu, saya seringkali merasa malu. betapa diri saya sangat jauh dari sifat hemat, betapa kesederhanaan saya selama ini hanyalah karena keadaan. ketika sudah punya sedikit lebih, keinginan saya pun terus bertambah, bahkan berkali-kali lipat. apalagi sejak punya mbak yuna, rasanya saya selalu ingin memberikan yang terbaik–termasuk dalam materi.

padahal, dulu semasa saya kecil, ayah dan ibu sangat menahan nafsu untuk memenuhi keinginan diri dan keluarga sendiri. apa yang lebih diperuntukkan bagi sekolah, bagi orang banyak. kami saja baru menempati rumah sendiri pada tahun 2008, 22 tahun sejak ayah dan ibu menikah.

mungkin, jawabannya adalah karena saya jauh dari mereka yang serba kurang, karena yang saya lihat setiap hari (di media sosial) adalah teman-teman kelas menengah yang hobi jalan-jalan, makan-makan, punya penghasilan besar, punya ini dan itu. saya pun ikut-ikut ingin menjadi wah. padahal, di sekitar kita, dekat dengan kita, banyak yang memerlukan bantuan.

tulisan ini adalah renungan bagi diri sendiri agar saya senantiasa memilih yang baik, membelanjakan uang pada yang baik. apakah baju anak seharga 250 ribu itu perlu ataukah saya hanya menginginkannya? uang yang sama, kalau dibelikan susu formula untuk anak susuan saya, bisa dipakai sampai sebulan. apakah ikut mas yunus konferensi sekalian jalan-jalan itu perlu atau saya hanya menginginkannya? tiket plus akomodasi, kalau dibayarkan untuk kursus yang saya ambil, bisa membeasiswai satu orang.

selalu ada manfaat yang hilang setiap kita membuat sebuah keputusan. tugas kita adalah memastikan bahwa manfaat yang hilang tersebut bukanlah yang lebih perlu, yang lebih penting, atau yang lebih genting.

tulisan ini sekaligus renungan dan ajakan untuk mengganti wajah media sosial kita, karena tanpa sadar, yang kita tampilkan adalah berita dan ajakan untuk menjadi seperti diri kita.

don’t merely show what you eat, where you go, things you own. show your kindness, spread it. show your work, be proud of them. show your ideas, share them. show humanity. show flaws. show modesty.

kesederhanaan yang sesungguhnya adalah ketika kita bisa memiliki yang kita inginkan, namun memilih hanya yang kita perlukan. kesederhanaan yang sesungguhnya adalah kesadaran bahwa yang berlebihan itu tidak perlu sama sekali–sebab sejatinya kita tidak memiliki apa-apa sama sekali. bukankah semuanya hanyalah titipan yang harus dikembalikan kapan saja diminta?

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ranumba · 8 years ago

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A Note to Myself

This is my first post after my graduation post in last year, so people might want an update from me about what i’ve been doing after i was titled as bachelor of agriculture. Let’s count and it’s almost a year since that moment and guess what i feel now? I’m stuck. Yes, so far that is how i feel right now.

Let me break down what are the things I’ve been doing after my graduation on November,I joined an IELTS preparation class for a full month, followed by the real IELTS test and praise to the Lord i obtained a good score, match with my target score, and it means i don’t need to retake that bloody expensive test. Remember how i want to continue my post graduate study abroad, yes this year i dedicate myself for preparing my master study. How about the LoA, oh my God this is the thing that i’m so grateful of. Alhamdulillah about 2 months after taking the ielts test, i am accepted in my dream campus “Wageningen University & Research” in the Netherlands for February 2018 enrollment class. The reason why i take this class is because i aim for a scholarship from Ministry of Finance that can only grant the scholarship for 2018, not this year. Well yeah...it’s ok. It is exclude the experience that I was chosen as one of 12 selected applicants for Ajinomoto scholarship to Japan, I joined the selection in April and it was such a good experience to meet new motivated people and sssstttt i earned stipend from the company although i wasn’t selected for the next step. Another precious experience.

So what I have been doing for fill the gap as an unemployed person? I was at the moment where I don’t want to take a job as a full time employee because i’m still focus in aiming my scholarship, i seek for an internship or volunteering program but i didn’t get anything suitable. I thought i should try to apply at least one job, and i asked for an opportunity to my lecturer. Not a job vacancy I got, instead she offered me to work for her as a lecturer assistant (which i already did in the last months of 2016 before graduation ceremony) and as her personal assistant that will help her with the research projects she got. Oh wow, what an unexpected, and to think that i should go back to campus for working and small chance for me to meet new people quite made me doubt. However, after a sharing with my parents, they told me to take the offer since they also apprehensive if i want to take a full time job while i still want to apply for my master study, they said i need to focus and this job can fill the gap to make my days more productive at least. So yeah.....here I am, still doing this job since last March. I didn’t accept a high pay from this job, but it is enough for me to not asking my parents for daily allowance. This is something that i should feel grateful about, while others might find it difficult to get a job.

Other thing i do is joining a korean class since my bestie asked me at the first place, it only once a week class in weekend but i feel quite content since i paid for the tuition fee by my own (well it’s not that expensive anyway), i got new friends, i have a teacher that is a native speaker (a legit Korean with english skill that i’m afraid i will ruin my english capability because of her LOL #kidding), and a hangout once a week with my bestie. How fun isn’t it? I learnt korean by self study, but it was nothing and i thought this is a good chance to learn this language properly in an official institute, when i get the certificate later it will be very useful for my self-development.

During my employed-but-feel-like-unemployed-and-uncertain time, I’ve been looking for a good opportunities for a conference abroad, workshop, and events but i didn’t find a suitable one either because i didn’t meet the requirement, it costs a lot of money, or the time that not match. One day, my friend opened an opportunity to become a facilitator in her project, which is the similar project that i joined last year. I gave it a try, but unfortunately my friend chose other person that is more capable than me. I thought, it is alright it means that’s not my chance. A few months later my friend called me personally that she wanted me to replace her for this project because she needs to depart to Netherlands by the time a together gather in Malaysia is held. OMG i was beyond happy to receive this chance, it wasn’t like my time at first but then Allah shows me that a great thing will come to those who patient, although it will come later. I am so happy, yet a bit down because my friend will go to Holland first for master study before me. Anyway, everyone will have their own timing, if she didn’t accepted with her scholarship it means there’s no chance for me to join this project to Malaysia (for free). So, everything happens for a reason, and Allah has designed everything for us in a best way.

How about the support? My parents have showed me bigger determination than i do for me to be accepted in a scholarship and do my master program abroad, my family, my friends, my relatives, my besties, my junior,my lectures, my teachers, my neighbors everyone support me so well. Even, my special man also shows his biggest support for me to do this study despite the wait he has to through before our biggest plan can come true. That is the reason why I commit with him and agree to pass through all of this together. I’m beyond grateful to know this fact that i’m surrounded my people who love and support me so much. I don’t need to worry about this, all i have to do right now is to do my best and pray harder, leave everything to the greatest owner of this universe, Allah. I hope Allah ridha with the path that i want to take.

So are you stuck now? Anyway.....it’s actually my mind that make me feel like i can’t do anything, my fear that makes me unable to move, my worries that make me feel like i can’t do this, my over thinking mind that makes me feel like this is so unrealistic, my bad thought that make me think “i shouldn’t do this at first, this is wrong”. So what makes you stuck? My negative side inside me. Astagfirullah, there is nothing that i should worry about. I have everything that i can be thankful of endlessly, but i still feel the emptiness because i look at other people too much. Hey....everyone has their own path, you might think that they are success but if you become them, it’s not the place you want. Walk your life, focus on your own happiness, no matter how hard it takes you’ll get there although it might takes a while. You deserve to be happy like others, but only you who can create your own version of happiness, not others. So, take everything step by step like he said <3 and it is normal to feel anxious at this point of your life <3. One thing i know that growing up and being an adult is a complex thing.

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ranumba · 8 years ago

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Hi Assalamualaikum folks, it’s indeed been awhile since last time i posted some random thoughts here. Even tumblr itself had notified me directly through e-mail that tumblr missed me, awwww how sweet (lol). So here it is, time flies and it shifted from one year to a new one. So many thing has been through in 2016, if i can conclude in a word, 2016 is a year of “struggle”. By i mean struggle is in actual definition, well although not all of them are battle fields but most of the times were. Last year was my research life, thesis life, consultation sessions life, etc. One moment, it was colored with unexpected situation who brought me to tears. I should be honest but that was a mix feeling moments where agony, burden, wary, tiredness,uncertainty, anxiousness, became one. Who would guarantee that you’re thesis result will be accepted? Yes, me myself. And all those fear covered me, but Alhamdulillah....Allah always prove you right, when you have struggled and tried as best as you can whilst you pray wholeheartedly, everything will be easier. It’s always seem impossible until it’s done, people said. It’s the day that brought me, finally, officially finish my 4 years study term in college.

I was beyond grateful that my family, include grandparents, could still witness my once in a lifetime achievement as a bachelor of agriculture. I was happy obviously, but right after that i could just thinking what will i do next. I couldn’t stop here because this is not the end, instead it’s a brand new start. It’s time to live my dreams and move forward. Now, i’m in the process to set my goals, both short and long term ones. I know it’s not gonna be easy. Although honestly, i’m in the state where i feel so small and left behind than others. I know that I can’t look up too much or too high, beside it will hurt my neck to (lol). Somehow it discourage me and it’s not a good sign. I should know how to keep my feet on the ground and look around. The key is to be grateful, i know how every person already set with their own timeline, then so do i. People might get there first, but it doesn’t mean i won’t be there either. So folks, i’m trying to do a self-motivation now (lol).

One thing that is crystal to me now, growing up and being adult is not easy. It’s not a merely process that you can take for granted like you were a kid. It’s a matter of choice you make and the risks you have to take. Honestly, none of them are easy, you’re forced to think hundred times before you decide, thinking of the post consequences and all. The next thing i pursue right now is to study abroad, and it’s not only about the M.Sc title that i want to reach. Far beyond that, it’s about brand new life experience outside my comfort zone, being independent, a survival, a real struggle, and mingle with many people from all over the world like i always love. A never ending connection and network, culture sharing, and a fresh lesson for surrounded by diversity, things that make me feel that i belong to this world, indescribable inner peace, being minority, and other things that i want to experience before i regret myself. I don’t want to grow up to walk an ordinary phase of life, graduate, work (mostly do things that it not 100% our passion), get married, have kids, done. Once i grow old, i don’t want to regret my past due to things that unable to achieved back then. It sounds a bit controversial, it might sounds too idealist, but once again it’s a choice. I know it’s not easy bitsy, because right now i feel how tough it is to even take a single step to your dreams. The second though come, people influences and telling you things, road get rough, etc.

The point of living a dream for me is not only about self actualization, i asked permissions and consult my parents whether they’re ok if i have to pending several things that actually don’t go with their expectation to me, and my intention to give more for society. Sounds vague, yes, and it will take long time, yes, and it means you will marry later, probably. Like most other girls worry about when they have intention to pursue higher education, career, or goals, result to difficulty to find significant other. For this case, i still believe what Allah has promised me even before i was born to this rage world. It won’t stop me, and i believe that marriage can wait, yes...wait, while education cannot. As a normal woman being, i want to settle and build a family, have children, and raising kids. It just in my opinion, while i have opportunity right now, i choose it first and i don’t want to regret when in the future I were a mother, i don’t want to blame my marriage as the obstacle to my dreams. I want to be a proud mother, role model, and great teacher for my future kids. It just, once again, i might wait a bit longer than others. Consciously, i say it’s ok. Hopefully Allah will accompany my good intentions with easiness. Amiin. :)

January 2nd 2017

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ranumba · 8 years ago

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Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling

Tuesdays with Morrie

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ranumba · 9 years ago

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Energy Conservation is About People Who Care or Not

Plastic waste, food waste, water; land; and air pollution, energy crisis are some problems that occurred since the world has been shaken off with the global warming issue decade ago. Those problems are still unsolved problems and many people still struggle for the solutions until today. It seems endless to talk about environmental issues, especially when we realize that the gravity of this problem are bigger than the solutions that some people has offered in many parts of this world. Developing countries or develop ones are facing equally same problems because all of people in this world breath on the same planet.

One of the environmental issues is energy conservation. It is inevitable that energy is a vital need to strive human daily activities from the simplest one until the complex one that involve many supported resource, industry for example. From turning on the toaster to running the machine in factory. The fact about energy consumption according IEA in 2016 publication report showed that the world total final consumption by fuel in 2014 was 9.425 Mtoe. The biggest energy consumer worldwide is countries that incorporated with OECD or Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development. There are 4 main sectors as the energy consumer, household, commercial, industry, and transportation. The biggest energy consumer today is industry sector with 44,2% in total, the next second biggest consumer from transportation sector numbering 40,6 %, and 3,7% from the commercial sector.

A lot of efforts for energy conservation have been done by different parties, from government, NGOs, to citizen in many parts of this world. The aim is only one, saving the earth. Why? Because most of energy consumption is dominate by nonrenewable fossil fuel as the source for those sectors. At this point, if we don’t maintain what we have or find another alternative we will threaten the future generation being. We realize how governments especially from industrial countries have been hand in hand to build one solution and another. The basic form of solution is through the national or even international regulation. Some sides prove that the government indirectly help this energy conservation issue is working, while some might think that this is just unrealistic effort with no fruitful outcome.

Some people still act nonchalantly about this issue and think that energy conservation is the work for special engineers, certain organizations, and government only field. In the other hand, citizen or people just functioned as observer of how they combat this issue. This thought is wrong, but we also can’t say that it’s certainly correct. The fact that people out there always come with pro and contra, it’s unsuitable to define which one is wrong or right. Unconsciously, all of us are responsible to this environmentally damage especially the thing that caused by energy consumption. Referred back to the fact that the industry consumed the most energy, take a deep look for whom is the industry actively manufactured? For people and to fulfill their daily needs. Second biggest energy consumption is from transportation, this is irrefutable that transportation play the vital role in human life. Transportation is used for goods distribution and for human transporting from one place to another, with many kinds of vehicles that require oil and fuel to move. Next sectors are, of course, commercial and house hold energy needs that the closest to us.

The next question, why people still do not realize that they play the big role to conserved energy? The following answer for negative term “do not realize” is because people DON’T KNOW or UNAWARE of this issue. That is the first thing the people have to understand first the current issue, the status quo, and what happened actually in this world, and why they have to conserved the energy. So at this point many people still unaware that the huge disaster might come in result of their simple daily activity. A lot of things have been done to gaining this awareness whether come from government, NGOs, or some people but still don’t catch enough people’s attention. Unfortunately, this issue only catching attention to some parties (students and lectures, environmental activists, environmental NGOs, governments) but not people in general as well as economical issue well noticed. Even when people already noticed, people still have no idea about what they can do to help conserving energy. As simple as type the keyword on Google about the simplest idea to conserved energy. Not all people will eagerly do that.

The conclusion is, gaining people awareness towards energy conservation is much more important. Because from the awareness we hope that every single person will actively participated to conserve energy from the simplest way in household level. Any energy conservation movements for instance, turn off unneeded light or unplug the cable after sufficient charging from one person, multiplied by billions of population worldwide will bring significant impact. Do more strategic and effective sounding about energy conservation in public places through verbal, action, and ad campaigning continuously will make a tiny step getting wider.

References :

https://www.iea.org/publications/freepublications/publication/KeyWorld2016.pdf

http://www.listrikindonesia.com/efisiensi_energi_tanggung_jawab_siapa_275.htm

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ranumba · 9 years ago

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On my way back home

It was Sunday evening yesterday, and i was sitting at a travel car that took me back to my house after a meeting with friends. I took my phone and set a favorite playlist on, headphone on my ears, ready to serenade the rainy evening and super traffic road with my favorite songs. I was all alone in my own world, looking out the window and the mood was so cozy. Unconsciously deep sigh comin’ out from myself, the sudden self contemplation filling my head.

Recently i’m feeling so down, feeling so fail and lacking a lot of things from myself that lead me to self disappointment. Until yesterday i had quiet deep conversation with my sissy-like bestie. That was quiet typical girls talk but succeed to make me calm and opening my mind and eyes. Then i realize one thing, apart of this silly self insecurity i am actually just lack a moment to sharing with people around me. All i need just tell my burdens, sharing, search some topic, discuss, being all chatty like i always do. I just lack that moment since i’m “busy” with my own things and most of my besties dwelling with their life. It’s normal.

During my way back home, i just realize once again that i only being less grateful with everything i have now, with things i’ve been done, things i’ve been achieved, things i’ve been through. Just it. Think about how many people out there, without me notice, they’re actually feel envy seeing me with all i have. Think about how many people out there who are less lucky than me, dreaming to study at the university i’ve been studied at, wanting to have comfort life as i have. Yes, human never satisfied but never grateful just make it worse.

Being surrounded by amazing people with lots of high achievements and great dedication towards people around keeps me motivated to also try harder and push my limit. But sometimes it’s quiet make me down to see them clomb up so high meanwhile all i do just take a single small step, while they’re running even flying. Sometimes it hard, sometimes it’s to tough to catch up. But then i realize, i look up too much...i see other people too much and relate it with mine. When actually i have my own path for happiness, i have my own way to achieve my own success. I look up too much until somehow i forget to look down, and neglecting many blesses i have.

I’m grateful that i have so many loving people around me, that care for me, listen to me, and share our thoughts, share the same dreams and hope, and we are willing to struggle for it together. Those kind of people who keeps me on the ground but never absent to support me. It’s hard to not to look around, but i just need to keep on track and focus. Believe i’ll get there although obstacles my stop me awhile, but it won’t stop me for so long. Even if i fall and shed a tears, just wipe it off and get up. I’ll be there, even though i have to take an inch walk, i’ll arrive at my destination. Just how i take a ride to get back home with crazy traffic, hustle bustle city,and crowd, all i do just sit back listen to my favorite songs and then enjoy the journey.

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