raravyll

[raravyll]

4 years ago, I didn't see you yet, I know I'm into you.

You were once a name I overheard to my co-tenants giggling, gossiping about their crushes back then; a backstory of a normal college girls who spent their high school looking for their prince. I was there, beside them. You were the pandesal at six o’clock in the morning while I was taking a sip of my favorite turmeric tea under the murky sky.

You play chess and Rubik's cube so well that was what they kept highlighting about you.

Back then, you were once a name, an idea of how you look like all raging inside my head. So, I stalked their Facebook walls looked for your name on their friends list and thought I found the right one. I was in absolute delight that I sent you a friend's request and stalked all your post.

 Brian Jay

Well, you looked different than imagined: too raw, angst with the dark humor. Like Taylor Swift song, Mine, at that time, I was working part time to one of the known fast-food chains in the country to keep me alive while taking my bachelor’s degree, while doing engagement in our school publication to pursue my passion, at least. I do political affiliation too as my other means to support my living. Honey, all I can do at that time was merely think of you and kept what I felt inside the casket of my chest and let the time kill it because to me, falling in love is not what I am made of. I was in absolute state of a mess. Every day is a battle that I had to survive on my own.

So, maybe I thought, it would just be a phase. I’d get over you soon.

Maybe, right?

4 years after, I've forgotten you.

I no longer drink turmeric at six o’clock in the morning, it has been replaced with green cobra energy drink. I had a new job and with my new people and we used to go for a walk after shift at the Boulevard. I'm into someone else now and that I barely even remember your name. But one day, there this man added me on Facebook and one who stalked me first, Brian.

Just Brian. No, Jay after it or anything. A co-worker and a friend, I guess.

We we're both crazy in our own ways. His humor? I don't know I just feel like smiling whenever he laughs. This time, I know it's not just in my head.

One time, as we went to sharing about our lives, he caressed my face and looked at me with all the softness he has and asked, "Did I came too late?"

I burst into tears for I don't know why but for some reason I felt I've longed to be in his arms quite long enough. I didn't utter a word. Instead, I hugged him so tight. That's what I knew was the right thing to do.

4 years after, I thought I've forgotten you.

The longer that I spent my time with that just Brian, the more I remember the name I overheard before and it’s taking me back to who I used to. The Lara with burning passion to do what she aspired to be. With him, she became the art herself. Once again, she fell in love with life and felt the need to write it all.

The longer I look at him, the more I realized, it's you all this time.

And that today, I can’t call you enough with any endearment, my love. God knows, it has been years of longing to say your name: Brian, Brian, Brian.

 I would keep remembering that.

4 years after, still into you but for now, I have let go the thought of you.

Hey, I’m Lara. Gone all the years of anticipating how you look like now that you were once mine. Finally nice meeting you. My love, I may be out of your sight now, but I hope you would remember me by the stars lighting up your lonely night or as someone who adores and proud of you in all your phases and for whatever you're becoming. Few months from now, we would be turning 24, and still, I have loved you since we were 19.

|remembered me by your name| x|iv|mmxxiv

[raravyll]

:<

— arealliveghost

[raravyll]

Check it out