ratboyblake

[ratboyblake]

the stigmata duo

copper hand with a bronze sword

[ratboyblake]

i feel like i’m on crunch time. i paused for a year and my brain and body are pushing me to make and make and think about making and i have been at a standstill and it’s all been building in my mind demanding for me to make and i don’t do it. i have to do it i have to be an active participant in my own dream.

when i do, while i’m doing i’m different. there’s something inside me that could spend days doing, making, working on a project, or two or three. and when i am letting that something inside do what it wants i feel so motivated. like i need more. how can i just keep dropping and picking up something that fills me up so much. it feeds itself, how dare i let that flame ever dwindle. i get so caught up in my responsibilities and routines and day to days that it feels like i blink and months have passed and i’m begging myself to just pick up a pencil and do the bare minimum of imagining again.

if i want to be the person that i know i am i have to make. anything and everything. i want to feel clay under my nails. i want to know the way metal heats and cools by heart. it’s all there for me to learn and make and do. there’s more that i don’t even know that i want to learn yet. i’ve always craved it.

working retail has really helped me bide my time and build soft skills. i know how to work hard and fast and keep track of a million things and try to keep so many different types of people happy while trying not to lose my own sense of self. i’ve learned self motivation the last few years. finding joy and creative outlets and excitement and futures in mundane spaces that ask so much more of me than they give back. i am passionate and a hard worker and that has come with unforeseen side effects. this sucking black hole in the center of corporations. i’m inching closer and closer to it with each year of company loyalty. this is a whole other universe i can’t explore right now. my point is that the path I’m heading down, the one i have been heading down for years, is toward something i don’t want. it’s empty. pointless. i fear retribution for even making concrete vague ramblings about this. what if big brother is watching, waiting to give me a stern but gentle discussion about how i should police my tone, even off company time.

i’ve been saying for years that i’m just doing this until i’m ready to commit to art. it’s time to admit to myself that i’m ready and do it. put in the work. put everything i’ve practiced and worked on internally and externally to good use. make stuff. that’s all i want in this world. and i can do it. i have to play the balancing act. work and make and learn and fulfill my responsibilities. i know i can do it, i’ve been practicing for this too. bits and pieces here and there and suddenly six years later i look around and i’m here and ready and willing and rearing to go. i need to take advantage of the want and the opportunities around me. it’s time.

ok…uhhh…bye.

i’m working on an art collection. im gonna post about it.

[ratboyblake]

this is me btw

OUTFITS !!! OUTFITS !!! OUTFITS !!!

[ratboyblake]

THIS POST IS MY OFFICIAL BLOCK TO SAY THAT BEFORE THIS POINT I WAS A DIFFERENT GUY…i’m all grown up now… i don’t even know who i was 6 years ago reblogging things

[ratboyblake]

I love this whole segment.

[ratboyblake]

“all powerful entity falls head over heels for the first shit ass mcnobody who dared to call them a bitch to their face” is, perhaps not the absolute best trope but it’s definitely up there I’d say

[ratboyblake]

hey

[ratboyblake]

I used my mediocre sewing skills to turn an old sweater into a snood for Gaea’s frozen ears

[ratboyblake]

You were named after the 2 bravest men I ever knew

Two Robocops

[ratboyblake]

nsfw post 18+ only

im 16 so i cant even see this post let alone make it so this will have to wait two years

[ratboyblake]

when i get my paycheck and its $3 more than usual

[ratboyblake]

hate this site

[ratboyblake]

hate this site

[ratboyblake]

snail as old as slime

[ratboyblake]

Welcome to the ice-cream store. What flavor you want?

[ratboyblake]

if shes your girl why is she discussing naruto politics in-depth with me?

[ratboyblake]

Welcome to the ice-cream store. What flavor you want?