ratbrick - Tumblr blog

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realizing that sticking to the "do it bad" "do it scared" mentality implies theres also a "do it bored"

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okay so i work in the deli of a grocery store, yeah? and today i got this guy who came up with his two twin children, around five years old. he walks up to the counter, carrying one kid in each arm, and loudly goes "oh, no, i forgot what i wanted!" and turns to the boy in his left arm and, in a perfect blues clues style voice, goes "caleb, do you remember what i wanted?" and the boy goes "half pound of yellow cheese!"

i, obviously, say "you've got it little sir!" and slice up half a pound of yellow american cheese, handing it to the little boy, who looks it over, nods, and tucks it in his lap.

then the man goes "well, we can't just have cheese on our sandwiches. but what else can we put on there?" and the little gurl in his other arm goes "half pound of ham!" so i nod and say "yes ma'am! what kind?" and she points at a random cut of turkey, so her father nods and says "like she said, honey ham!" i cut half a pound of honey ham, hand it to the little lady, she looks it over, nods and puts it in her lap.

then the man goes "now, what should we have for the side?" and the kids both simultaneously start cheering "macking cheese!!!" and the man spins on his heel and marches off, presumably to find the macking cheese.

later, the little boy comes wandering back to the counter while his father looks on and loudly and proudly proclaims that he wants to know where the mustard is. i point him to the correct aisle, he nods, says "thank you mister deli woman" and walks away.

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Go to penis

Only if you come with me brother.

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hello 🐙

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how to get over somebody

You guys don't even word these as questions anymore. You treat me like bitch google.

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What do y’all mean by you can open orange with hands that thing is unbreakable what the hell

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All skirt/dress wearers when we discover they have functional pockets 😍

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hello adam savage calling the mythbusters "ambiguously gay weirdos"

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You'll have a sandwich

By Rémich

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When I was 20 and got married, older women loved to try to scare me with stories of what it's like to live with a man.

My marriage is wonderful 20 years later.

Through my 20s into my 30s, older women loved to try to predict when my baby fever would kick in and they'd tell me horror stories of motherhood.

We chose not to have kids and baby fever never hit me.

Now, I'm in my 40s and older women love to tell me about how I'm going to suffer through menopause. They gleefully recount hot flashes, the weight gain, how I'll have to "work harder to be a woman".

I'm not even perimenopausal. I'm only 41. I know about menopause. It's not a secret.

Can women just let women age? This isn't support. This is aggression in pink.

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Stay true to yourself and all that, unless you're a little freaky, then you gotta go in the hole.

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isnt it cool how the brain is like a wet computer