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Where My đź’™ Is
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It still makes my stomach turn. Maybe not as much. But it does. I don’t like feeling angry or upset and I know its 1am and I’m tired but I don’t care. April 4th 2018 was a day I’ll remember for a while. It’s great how things are now. And I’m happy for how far we’ve come. But you still did what you did. No matter how happy I made you. It still happened. And if that had been anyone else I wouldn’t have been with them. I would be talking about a person no longer in my life. But here you are. Laying next to me snoring. I don’t know when I’ll let this go. Or if I’ll ever let it go at all. Time heals all wounds. Maybe it just hasn’t been long enough.
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00:21
It’s the coldest day and I’m sleeping alone on the couch..
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9:36 1/3
It’s only the third day of the year and we’ve bickered every day. Fighting is normal. Fighting is healthy. But only when both people except it and move on from it. I didn’t think I was asking the world for the BOTH of us to acknowledge what happened and say sorry. I don’t need a novel of an apology just something FROM BOTH ENDS that says “I love you. I don’t want you to hurt. Now let’s go on with our day”. Why is it pulling teeth to do this. I’ve asked this over and over and over and over and over. I can’t make you give me these things. But I really don’t want to waste another year of playing games and not being direct. So here. This is what I need from you. Now please tell me why you need from me. *insert request here*
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Illustration by Rosie Payne
Tumblr: @itsbyrosie
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“I tried to give you the world. I tried to give you a planet with the moon and stars. But I guess you wanted a galaxy, because my best still wasn’t enough. And when someone tries their best and fails, it is without a doubt the most worthless feeling. I tried so hard for you.”
— @the-gift-of-death
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14:26
I wish I would have brought my journal. Or had a book. Sitting here with nothing to do is the perfect time for my mind to wander.
I think I just need a lot of hugs. Or kisses. Not necessarily sex or anything. But I need to feel some love. If I don’t I just end up thinking something is wrong. Or worse, that something is wrong with me. And I don’t want that.. I hate having to fight my own brain but I need to get back on track. I used to not be afraid. And now I am. I used to not give a shit about certain things. And now I care about everything. I just don’t like it. Maybe I’ll try and meditate a little.. all of the sounds on the truck I feel like it’ll be hard but I am not going to continue to go backwards when I’ve worked so hard to better myself. Thats not an option anymore.
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