ravij - Tumblr blog

[ravij]

This is not exactly how I wanted to spend my mother's day but shitty things cannot be helped. My mother has been in the ICU since yesterday. Kidney failure, platelets low, oxygen levels off, dehydration, mini stroke, pneumonia, partially collapsed lungs, among other things... but the thing that gets me the most is that the lung cancer she had, had moved to her brain which she kept very secretive even from my dad.

It all culminated into her going down hill very quickly over the span of a week and us not knowing the severity of her illness. I feel like if I had known everything I would have dropped what I was doing currently to care for her and gotten her to the hospital much faster. I'm mad that she didn't tell anyone but she knew how much I had suffered already this year, she knew how sensitive of a person I am, and how one devastating thing could make me crash.

This year has not been an easy year. I lost a good friend, I lost my most supportive and favorite cousin, my Uncle David died, I was removed from my insurance due to an error and my mom fought like hell to get me back on so I could afford my meds.

Over the course of the half a year she had returned to chemo after she rang her first bell, she began to teach me things that I really thought nothing of. How to prepare certain meals, how to properly do laundry, offering to show me some financial documents related to inheritance and I thought nothing of it. I just thought she was just weak from the chemo and needed and extra helping hand until she could get back on her feet.

A week ago she began to experience a pain that hurt her so bad that it pained me to hear her crying. It hurt that there was nothing I could do to ease the kind of pain she was in. My family has told me not to play the game of "What if" but it's so hard not to go there. She slowly began to deteriorate over the week until Saturday morning where my dad came in, woke me up, and told me he had called an ambulance because mom was non-responsive.

I have suffered so much in this year alone and I kept thinking "It's going to get worse" I just didn't know how much worse until mom started going down hill.

Hug your moms, listen to their life lessons when they try to teach you things, allow them to help you when they see you struggling. You never know when will be the last time you can truly thank and appreciate them.

It has been so hard to write this as I keep getting updates from my sister. I don't think it'll be much longer before my mom passes. Please, appreciate your mothers and everything they do for you.

[ravij]

I really need more positive thoughts right now... I cannot keep doing what I'm doing but I'm being forced to endure it. Send positive words, pet pics, anything positive, please.

[ravij]

Did a sketchy. Potential main love interest (and 2nd MC) of the new MLM Horror story I'm working on?🤔 He's def got the bedroom eyes to lure someone unsuspecting in.

Definitely a stress relief to do art and I was listening to music that's been inspiring me to work on this story. It's felt good to just do art again.

I need to finish a sketch and finalize the design for a character of the main story I've been working on as a primary focus.

[ravij]

Another day, another 4 hours spent taking care of my mom alone because dad had to call every 5 minutes from the store because his mind is just a bunch of lose bolts and even though he took a list, he still has to call despite the item being right in front of his face. Yes he was gone for like 4 hours to pick up just 6 things. -sigh-

I love my mom and would do anything for her, but my dad; ever since his accident, has been a really big thorn in trying to help take care of her. One second he's trying to help her up the next he's raising his voice because he didn't like the tone of how she's directing him. His mind is literally a loose cannon.

[ravij]

Person: What's your book about?

Writers:

I'm both somehow 🙃

[ravij]

Only 802 words today. I'm calling it for the night to get some rest. I haven't really had much time to myself this weekend and I have an email that still needs to be written. Maybe tomorrow I'll have more energy to do the things I need to get done.

I'm hoping next week's work schedule isn't like last weeks. Also hoping my mom feels better tomorrow. I know today was really rough for her, even with the family visiting I knew she was in pain but put on her brave face.

[ravij]

Didn't go to the cousins paddle out today. Mom was in a considerable amount of pain so stayed home with my dad to take care of her. But a few family members did come over after! Plus it was raining/thundering so I don't think they did the paddle out at all.

Haven't been able to do much writing today on the count of mother needing my assistance most of the day. Things have quieted down so I might be able to get some words out.

[ravij]

Even though I had family over today, I managed to crank out 1,431 words today on a new "Side Quest" as @presstoshoot has described my new story. :v

Tomorrow I'll also be out as I'm doing a paddle out to lay my cousin to rest in the gulf. If I'm not tired after maybe more writing.

It's ben an extremely exhausting week and I'm not looking forward to work next week despite wanting to get more hours to start saving for the future.

[ravij]

Only a meager 378 words today. The exhaustion is real.. and I'm unfortunately going to be exhausted into the weekend and possibly into next week.

[ravij]

My body aches... I've been having to use manual machines with lever presses the past two days at work because the automatic ones are all busted. :'> I get to try to find videos on the youtubes to try to fix one of them since the guy who used to quit and never taught me.

On top of this I have my cousins funeral/celebration of life this weekend which I likely won't be able to attend ALL of it because there's a job I have to do this weekend that has to be completed by the following monday.

[ravij]

I in fact do NOT have the rest of the week off..

[ravij]

I'm going to start trying to post here again more often to expand my viewership so let me end this night by saying I only typed 1,242 words today as most of my energy was spent at work which I will now be consistently going to starting next week on Mondays, Wednesdays and potentially Fridays should they need me.

I won't lie I'm kind of excited because this means more money and funds to put away to pay not only my editor and artist but to start saving to eventually expand the novels into an animated format.

It's been a dream of mine to have my stories be animated and perhaps in the far off future they will be brought to a small screen (your computer).

@presstoshoot (my editor) has given me such confidence and hope that the series I'm working on will become something more than just the words I write. And having animations produced in @voidshards (my artists) art style would be phenomenal! They already bring so much life to the characters and their personalities in the character art they've done for me so far I can't imagine how much more amazing they'd be animated!

For now though; I sleep. Might have the rest of the week off to work on Chapter 2 of Book 2 and try to finish it so the real story of Book 2 can begin.

[ravij]

I felt so close to figuring out who sent that Anon when @sharama responded to me on discord and then denied it.

You will survive the night, Anon. One day you'll slip up. And when you do, I'll blast your @ and shame you.

[ravij]

My phone deleted your ask Anon, but NOT before I was able to screengrab your question to publicly SHAME you (and try to find out which one of you heathens sent this.)

For context, you sent this about 30 minutes after I posted about "Thinking there's something wrong with me while enjoying writing the villain." (I was in bed) And you come into MY tumblr when I haven't posted IN EONS and DARE to ask if he's hot?

Yes.. Yes he is kind of appealing but THATS BESIDE THE POINT! He is PURE EVIL.

The things he does to the main character of book 2 are unforgivable and while he is mildly attractive, he uses his charm and good looks to lure you into a false sense of security when in his presence before he strikes. DO NOT be a victim Anon. DO NOT FALL FOR IT! He cares for no ones life. Don't even think he cares for his own but he wants to cause as much anguish and turmoil as he can before he departs from this world and be remembered in fear for it.

You all should be like @voidshards. You should HATE HIM with a burning passion! And I hope you DO hate him because he is a vile and terrible man capable of many horrible things. The only other person who TRULY knows what this character is like and capable of is his original creator @folkenface who has graciously allowed me to use him in a my published work. (I needed a villain and I felt that character of his was an appropriate antagonist for the story.)

I feel like as the works gain traction among future readers and I get his official art work done by @voidshards the growing list of "If bad, why hot?" sentiment will grow. And I will be here to dissuade you from giving him a flower crown and swooning over him. ಠ_ಠ

[ravij]

ಠ_ಠ... There must be something wrong with me when I'm thoroughly enjoying writing the villains introduction more than I did the protagonists. 2 Chapters dedicated to them. 1 each and I'm having more fun writing a sociopathic serial killer. I now want them to meet again. Fast.

[ravij]

[ravij]

@voidshards is always first in line to hate on Ten.